8 Oddly Specific Symptoms of Depression

[@crowpen]

the biggest one for me, and it's the worst feeling ever for me too, is a sense of "i want to go home", but you dont exactly know where "home" is. feeling homesick in your own bedroom. feeling like everything that brings you comfort is out of reach or just feels bland to you. thinking about your favorite things gives you a wave of unease in your stomach. your family and friends feel like strangers, you feel out of place, disassociated, and you constantly feel zoned out and in a dream-like state. you're aware, but you don't feel "there". its horrible. Gonna add another thing too about losing interest in stuff. I imagine it like changing through tv channels in my head, each one with a favorite thing that I love. And flipping through, none of them are appealing at all. Sometimes thinking about my favorite things makes me feel sick. It’s like when you don’t have an appetite and nothing sounds good.

[@annehedonia156]

This.

[@lisaa6099]

Bless you for ur work

[@vonmusel6158]

Homesick for a place you never knew. It must be Heaven

[@Singhaart]

Exactly

[@charlotterockel-kennedy8913]

You are probably a starseed ❤ I'm the same. Moving has never bothered me because I never feel anywhere is home.

[@jasminelondon910]

The anger. No one talks about the anger. The rage I constantly feel is so overwhelming. I lash out. I'm not myself. I see it but I can't stop. Depression is a disability

[@nawenyxar4378]

I especially get this before going to bed. I feel so frustrated, so tired of the way I am, so pissed at dealing with my own issues over and over again without seeing the end of it.

[@IMadeUpKear]

I don't have a constant rage, but once some mild inconvenience sets me off, it's hard to calm back down, and then everything begins to look like a problem and it makes it worse.

[@Flowersandshotguns]

I have experienced that, too. Drawing, esp zentangle, has helped immensely. Basically art therapy I can do anywhere. I hope you feel at peace soon.

[@M.Sforza]

It’s a room in HELL.

[@M.Sforza]

@@RatedArgggI have been depressed my entire life and I too was finally diagnosed 5 years ago with Complex PTSD.

[@ShilohKeeling]

It’s weird how you can get used to living with depression that it starts to feel “normal” like it’s almost as if you “forget” that you’re totally irreversibly depressed. It’s EXHAUSTING.

[@Lovingleroy]

❤😢

[@starlight8115]

During last year, at some point, I was getting a little better and felt genuine happiness "for the first time", since I couldn't remember what it was like, having had depression since my childhood. It devasted me when things got worse again, I felt so much more miserable than I ever had, and the worst was that I tried to deny it, because I had lived like that before. How was I not able to do it again this time? I hated myself for that even more, felt stupid and useless. But I know, logically, that it's only normal to struggle that much with something as difficult at depression. My brain won't listen, though, and it sucks

[@양송-k2g]

I wonder if what I'm experiencing is a high functioning depression? I be totally fine for a week, feeling a little bit like I'm gaslighting myself to be in okay mood, but I'm funtioning. I go to work, it goes smoothly, I come home, cook dinner, clean my place (I do cleaning for a living so I'm kinda freaky about having a clean space), read, hang out with my bf having a great time. Then suddenly, in the middle of a great day, I just feel this wave of "I don't want to be here, I want to DISSAPEAR" and suddenly everything is bad. I go anxious, angry, sad, overwhelmed and then... just numb. It goes on for a few days and I can't let go of my boyfriend's side for longer than I'm at work because I'm worried I'll harm myself. It's exhausting, always feeling like I'm losing my mind and then suddenly I feel like I have my shit together but only for a few days.

[@tinainglima]

I’ve even said to myself I’ll never come back it’s been to long. I’ve been down to long to ever come back. That’s sad. I guess at least now that I realize that it can make me just be ok with it, o guess.

[@Project_KN1GHT]

YESS. This 100%

[@Flugkaninchen]

Normal people look like superheroes. Yes. How the hell do they commute, work full time, cook healthy meals, keep the house clean and still have enough energy for relationships and hobbies? I have days when I'm proud of myself for going to the supermarket and buy food instead of staying at home and being hungry and miserable because there is no food in the house.

[@Flugkaninchen]

@@RatedArggg When You look at old pictures of Yourself, do You see that the people who called You pretty were right?

[@jgw5491]

@@Flugkaninchen When I look at old pictures I realize that the last time I looked pretty to myself was when I was six.

[@fatherneptune]

There’s something to be said about nutrition and the cycle of feeding your body and your body’s energy output. I was in the worst depression of my life for the last several years, and this spring I watched a video that inspired me to try and lose weight (I was doing it originally only for aesthetic purposes because I hated the way I looked) but then I was shocked at how different I felt when I was eating better. And eating better doesn’t mean cooking every meal, there are ways to eat healthy enough, low effort, and low cost, you just have to get creative. But anyway I still definitely am depressed, but I am far better than I was. I have more energy and I can do a bit more in my day which then in turn makes me feel better about myself. That’s why it’s a cycle. So idk this probably didn’t help you at all and I don’t want to sound like a health nut, but really don’t underestimate how much better your brain can function when properly nourished.

[@TheComedyGeek]

And you know that whatever they have that you don't is something they don't even know they have, so you can't tell them to be grateful for it. And when you know most people don't have your problem, what can you conclude but that there is something terribly wrong with you?

[@FronteirWolf]

Normal people have looked like superheroes for years now. I'm not even severely depressed. I look back to all I could easily cope with before I got ill and I think I didn't know how easy life was.

[@ShineLikeFireflies]

One that I never see anyone mention is cognitive impairment. I literally felt like I had dementia at one point because my brain was straight up not working. I couldn't form thoughts, I couldn't carry on conversation, it was impacting every major relationship I had in my life. I wish society knew that depression is not just feeling sad.

[@ノホモ]

I portray myself as an idiot to everyone in my life because that's all I see myself as, and so they don't expect anything from me. No matter how much people tell me that I'm smart, I can not believe them. My brain feels like it rotted away.

[@FlyingSquell]

Depression brain fog is real. Chronic depression sucks.

[@sambadivilshit]

Same...

[@Arcusfp1]

After I went through a serious bout of COVID running temps of 102, spiking to 103 over four or five days, I ended up with a bad case of brain fog. I had to step down from an intense high pressure position at work, because I just couldn't handle the mental work.

[@dmeemd7787]

@@Arcusfp1has it resolved in time or did it get better for you…?

[@katieschumann145]

The color part is so real- I thought it was just me. I remember being a teenager and slowly getting better. One day I opened the fridge and there was an orange bell pepper sitting there. Only, it was so vibrant and bright that I grabbed it and exclaimed to my dad just how ORANGE it was! He was like “Yea, that’s a pepper alright…that’s what they all look like.” That’s when I knew I was really making progress. It was literally like a gray vail had been taken off my eyes, and everything was bright again. I went outside and it wasn’t green but GREEN. When things get tough, I try to look for the colorful things around me and remind myself how pretty the world is.

[@lori699]

Grey veil hit me hard....😢😢 i feel this

[@tim_soup7099]

That's amazing. It's always an uphill struggle, keep it up.

[@avourrito1819]

I'm currently in a depressive slump and I long for the time when I first woke up without it. I was 17, gone through a mutual break up, stressing over an important graduation exam. I woke up one morning and the ugly greenish, greyish, white paint of my bedroom actually looked nicer. I appreciate the blue sky. I liked the cover of my sketchbook more. The playground I studied maths at felt happier despite the afternoon glare. That was years ago. I'm constantly finding what can make me feel whimsical like that again. I took the train to the city, walked around, drive around, singing in the car, read books in cafes, thrift shopping with my friends. I can't find it. I love doing all of these but it's not that whimsical

[@Keyce0013]

I had this once when walking home from school over 10 years ago. A tree I had walked past twice every day for five years suddenly had colour. I can still remember the leaves moving to the wind and how that showed their lighter undersides. I think I ended up staring at it for a couple minutes thinking it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

[@lightbulbmne9511]

Omg I had the same experience

[@toad1971]

"Normal people look like superheros" - never heard anyone say this out loud. I have always felt this way most of my life. But it was more like this: "these people literally know something that I for some reason don't know - some secret knowledge that allows them to have success that I just do not have in my core and nobody has ever told me." Instead of looking at cars I would look at nice houses, and think "wow so many successful people that have it together - how is this possible that so many people can keep their life together and have consistent success to maintain a nice home? It is so hard for me just to even get up and get through the day." Being middle aged, I don't feel quite this way like I used to because I have had some life journeys and success of my own but I used to feel this way all the time.

[@cosmoplakat9549]

Wow, this comment hit me hard. I tell my therapist all the time that everyone else knows how to make friends or even just converse casually, and I don't have that ability. What is wrong with me that everyone else has this ability, and I do not? BTW I am over 60, and this has been a lifelong problem. I still do not have one single close friend.

[@Superszyga]

It is really hard to feel different from the others. Meanwhile people tell you that you are just like them but you deeply know you are not. I hope that Christ knows me and knows what I feel inside.

[@LauraCook-pl9pq]

I understand no matter how hard you try. Life is always knocking me down and I have to get up and start again

[@MasterScopesvids]

Holy shit it’s so incredibly validating to hear this from someone else. I’ve said for years it feels like people got a manual for life I just didn’t get. I feel almost like I’m stuck in a Truman show style situation where everyone knows something I don’t. I’m sorry you dealt with this too. I think I’m slowly getting better but it’s rough to not know

[@Anonymous-zk7yk]

​@@MasterScopesvids I can confirm that I received an upbringing that "gave me the manual" it even showed/told me how to apply the knowledge. Unfortunately, it undermined and obliterated my ability to do it. I'll literally have all the tools and knowledge to do something, but be completely unable to do it due to mental blocks. Though I feel like most people don't have a manual and are just faking it in hopes of making it, their level of success is due primarily on luck/good timing. At least that's my opinion.

[@empathry]

“I can be unhappy anywhere” that’s my Depression superpower.

[@carolineharrison9288]

Yes, I used to think being in a lovely home meant people had amazing happy lives but absolutely not true!

[@cra0cristal]

Wherever you go, there you are

[@rumpelstilzz]

Depression superpower, I need to adopt that term. Mine is, retracing any problem in this world to class struggle. Not healthy.

[@treeintheroad]

@@cra0cristalI say that all the time. It’s so true.

[@v0id_d3m0n]

Hell yeah😎

[@markthomas4083]

I have developed an addiction to KZbin. Seriously. Quit drinking, actually thriving now (in comparison). Now this video has spotlighted my KZbin addiction.

[@leahrachael5814]

This is very true for me too. I feel like it's my way of dealing with loneliness and isolation. 😢

[@amycarleton9186]

Me too. Seriously.

[@topy706]

KZbin noise is all I have. As a ugly male there is no hope for social connection therefore I only have copes

[@KJ-wh8fu]

YES, sadly

[@squidleyskidley]

Yes I’m really struggling with my Yt addiction too. It’s all I have energy to do most days, especially after work. But somehow it gives me a sense of accomplishment, because I’m learning something. Though I don’t get anything else done the whole day. So I feel miserable.

[@TheHayley555]

The envy of watching 'normal people' literally just waking up at a normal time and then somehow magically getting up and then washing and shopping and having this somehow pre set to being on repeat daily, and not an everyday ordeal. This can blow my mind, managing to do this is such a good day for me, and can be rare if iv been stuck in depression for a while. Thank you for helping me feel like others are also amazed at people literally just being people. xxx

[@77eternalsunshine]

My world shifted from drab to vibrant and colorful overnight. It was amazing.

[@bottomofastairwell]

OMG. And then even you pair this with adhd and autism? Like how do normal just FUNCTION???

[@aprilapril2]

Luckily I have to work or I simply do nothing …I’m not very good at free time …

[@rachelheyth3645]

I know this "stuck" feeling. It has varying degrees of stuckness and I'm never sure to what degree I'm going to feel it.

[@hasinapatel1233]

@The Hayley 555 I feel the same I have felt stuck in depression for 8 months, I have been pushing myself everyday to do daily task like going shopping. Cooking is also very hard, I just feel like I can't do anything anymore, I just want to be normal again , this so hard. I just felt I was feeling like this.

[@juliebrady8583]

I am sometimes overwhelmed by the feeling that I want to go home. But I do not know where home is. The empty feeling is painful.

[@orborn3580]

I totally understand. I feel this way most of the time. It got much worse after my mom died. I’ve begun to wonder if all of my homesickness isn’t actually for my hometown or state but rather for a time when I was a child and felt safe in my mom’s presence. 😢

[@mrsherwood2599]

We're all going home. Don't worry.

[@oldyeller6518]

Me too

[@dariobotkuljak9673]

here is a question about it - what was your relationship with your mother? and what were conditions during her pregnancy?

[@universaltruth2025]

@@orborn3580Did you EVER feel that safe though? I’m starting to wonder if I ever did.

[@DavisMicheal-j5m]

Psychedelic are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It is quite fascinating how effective they’re against depression and anxiety.

[@remyscott6296]

I’ve started micro dosing and I no longer need to take antidepressants. I feel unburdened and creative now. Really happy with the results

[@JohnSmith-kq3xn]

Hello can you help with a guide I’d really appreciate it. People talk about mushies and psychedelics but no one talks where to get it. I really need.

[@jimwoodman8101]

Well Silly_mycoz is my guide ,helped me get over my addiction and mental illness. So happy to be clean today.

[@jimwoodman8101]

Yess, Silly_Mycoz.

[@brooklynbaywatch6256]

Anxiety happens when you think you have to figure out everything all at once. Breathe you’re strong, you got this. Take it day by day.

[@katietoole8345]

I describe the tiredness as "swimming through pudding." Everything is just soooo hard.

[@annah5507]

Lol i always use molasses or tar for my description

[@stefanjarrah7067]

Agree

[@langreeves6419]

It's weird. I would think i have physical ailment. But it's highly selective. I can exercise, i do it a lot. That takes energy. But straightening and cleaning the house....doing almost any task i supposed to do....no energy...weakness in the limbs

[@toad1971]

I remember when I realized the the song "Trapped Under Ice" by Metallica is most likely about depression - I had been listening to it my whole life but never realized until one day when it hit me - a similar sentiment to your description of depression as "swimming through pudding."

[@nharber9837]

How funny! That’s weirdly close to mine. I call it “swimming though peanut butter.”

[@danielgilleland8611]

Sometimes, a person can have those symptoms on a long-term basis while still maintaining a "functional" disposition. That is, you can still go to work, provide for your family, participate (though minimally) in "family life", etc. You can even be "self-aware" that you're in that depressed state, but you're feeling so alone that you just can't see how to break free and "wake up".

[@dianegrant3215]

So true

[@NYDaughter1972]

Yes!

[@universaltruth2025]

That’s me.

[@gene108]

That’s my life. How’d you know.

[@Im_In_HIS_Grip]

✋

[@mattie7965]

I keep getting urges to move away from where I live because I've lost everything in the city where I live....this geographic region constantly reminds me of everything I've lost

[@threeofeight197]

Try moving. Maybe it will help. It helped me when I had issues w addiction. Still depressed tho. 😂😂😂. And still like, halfway thinking “ugh if only I could have stayed, but I’m punished to live in Indiana”.

[@Shauna-yw5ej]

Same. I have been dreaming of moving but can’t get up the motivation to work on it.

[@GlacierRose1970]

I feel you there, I refer to my old place of residence as "The City that Never Loved Me" or "the Armpit of the Midwest" if you can move, do it. It's freeing.

[@carolynmacdonald7024]

Yeah I've been there and actually maybe you do need to move. I think sometimes even just having the feeling that you're doing something for yourself and trying to change it can be enough to jump start a feeling of getting better. I know that I once got really depressed when I moved to a different city and it was mainly because I had difficulty building and maintaining friendships, finding things to do there that I enjoyed, I constantly felt like an outsider because I'd grown up in the country and wasn't used to city life, and I just basically had no support system. So I moved back home and instantly started to feel better because I had friends there, family, activities that I knew I enjoyed, and I didn't feel so lost and out of place. Honestly sometimes finding a place where you can build that feeling and it feels like there's potential is such a good thing for depression. I do honestly think that sometimes our environment and the way that we know how to navigate it (or if we don't know how to navigate it) can influence whether or not we feel stuck. I think that feeling like we don't have choices and options, feeling like our needs cannot be met, etc can lead us into depression very easily. Or sometimes rather than changing our surroundings, we need to learn how to think about things differently so that we don't feel stuck. Look for the options and reduce the perfectionism. Accept that things will be uncomfortable and imperfect, but at least we're doing something for ourselves.

[@mattie7965]

@carolynmacdonald7024 thank you 🙏

[@glendahunt8013]

Sadly, I feel nothing when friends or family tell me that I'm important to them. It doesn't matter to me -- I don't believe them anyway. I wish it did; I wish I could.

[@slothochdonut3099]

I feel so sad for you, and for myself

[@jaskiratsandhu8136]

It happens to me too sometimes… the only thing that makes me feel loved is when my family act like they love me.. words don’t cut it..

[@Khaleesi_Jack]

I understand. And the only thing I'm good for is to serve them and take care of them. Literally, my mom's parents are late 70s-early 80s, mom is mid/late 50s, dad's not here atm, all got one foot in the grave and the other in crisco, and I am cook, waitress, chauffeur, personal shopper, house Dr/nurse, computer tech, (and I am jon snow when it comes to fixing computers other than basic maintenance), and mother essentially, as i even make and take thwm to their dr appts on my one day off a week, while keeping a full time job, being trained to run my own store. Fuck...help me, please. 😮‍💨

[@sunflowerzelda45]

@@Khaleesi_Jack wish my son was around. He is in prison again. so things could be worse for you. Things could be worse for all of us. could have bombs going off war zone. yikes we all need somebody to care. I care about you Khaleesi jack.

[@helencassarchis7106]

This is so true. I am currently having a manic episode and my sister said "I love you very much" and it meant nothing .. for many reasons...

[@GUILTY-Pleasures777]

The most heartbreaking & shocking experience is seeing pictures of you from the past when you were a "normal " person with a "healthy" smile and the light in your eyes was still there...

[@rugeramerican308]

Same.. i have this beautiful photo of my boyfriend and I from our third date (went hiking) but I cant stand to look at it. It makes me sick.

[@afireinhearts1302]

Yes 💯💔 & I have days I cannot look at my face in the mirror bc of this.

[@micahmiller4]

Oh my goodness Yes! I have been looking at photos so much latley wishing with all that I am I could just go back. I am usually someone who looks to the future. Wishing you the best and hope you find your way to be happy again.

[@GUILTY-Pleasures777]

@@micahmiller4 thank you so much 💓 I'm working on this Greetings from Romania! Take care

[@yesterdayitrained]

I look back at those pictures, wondering where she went, who she was, knowing she (the she I was) is gone and will never come back. I’ve accepted that, and it’s OK- but not easy.

[@reginleif6703]

I’ve had a diagnosis of depression for 15 years. Why have none of my therapists told me about these? Especially the anger one. All this time I thought I was just a monster who was too inept to control my anger.

[@jm7804]

I think these are geared towards recognizing your depression. It sounds like you already recognize yours. I don't think it would be particularly constructive for a therapist to go through a checklist of symptoms. I wish you luck in trying to live your best life. Don't gauge it by other people's lives. It's hard, but you'll get through it.

[@ashleytheseeker8480]

I put my foot down and started taking lithium orotate to help with that for the cptsd.

[@RickBerg-b9k]

I think being older and depressed, people can get very nostalgic and sentimental. Thinking of memories in the past. Often going back to childhood neighborhoods, driving by the schools you attended as a child. Doing things you did as a child. I think mainly because this was a time when you felt like you had potential in life

[@saxachewon8062]

I’m 29 but I’ve found myself doing this a lot over the past few years. I wouldn’t go back to my childhood, but I do wish I could re experience how it feels to look forward to the future.

[@maryn4150]

Yes, I feel this ALL the time. It makes me so sad to see how far i’ve grown apart from that little girl who once had a spark in her eye. Now, I can’t even recognize the monster that looks back in the mirror.

[@westcoastbred7745]

Oh my Gawd this has been me the past several months and then its worse when you see your kids getting older

[@carolineharrison9288]

I think that’s absolutely true! Though I’ve always been a little child at heart my entire life going back to childhood is when I was the happiest in my life! I was blessed with loving parents as an only child. Unfortunately they both had passed by the time I was 23. I still see the beautiful vibrant colors and beauty in the world though!

[@goofyrat2938]

I’m 16 and I’ve definitely felt this.. school used to be a safe place that I loved going to, and now I feel like it’s a place where everyone is actively trying to hurt me. School used to be really fun, where I enjoyed learning and felt good but now it just feels like wasted potential. Playing on playgrounds is another thing, it’s not socially acceptable to play on them when you get older but imo it should be

[@Leeonrf]

"...if this person mentored me ..." In my youth, there was a time that i was so lost i would literally wander around the streets of my city in the hopes i would stumble into a Mr.Miyagi figure to give me direction in life

[@andybricks576]

Story of my childhood.

[@wendybothma3548]

I was so lucky. In my early 20’s I found a wonderful psychiatrist who diagnosed my major depression and gave me the correct meds. But it’s been a lifelong fight to overcome this handicap enough to live a normal and fulfilling life. Meds don’t do it all. One step after the other. Eyes on the prize. A constant battle.

[@KJ-wh8fu]

...makes one prone to co-dependence, I expect

[@Ra1npudd1e]

So for the past few months I’ve been in a severely depressed and suicidal state but in the middle of this video I randomly got a wave of genuine happiness. Thank you

[@KJ-wh8fu]

😊 May you find that wave more and more often, dear one

[@jm7804]

Sending positive thoughts your way

[@Departure-yz7ok]

How are you?

[@Ra1npudd1e]

@@Departure-yz7ok life’s still hard sadly, but thanks for asking.

[@Departure-yz7ok]

@@Ra1npudd1e Just remember there are happy moments to come, okay? One day, there is going to be a moment where you will be so happy you will want to cry because you are grateful you didn´t give up. Good luck mate!

[@melinaalba63]

To me, its actually my bed that makes me addicted. And it honestly feels like an addiction. I was addicted to drugs so i know what it feels like and everything in my mind and body centers around "when will i be back in my bed". Its honestly a lot more harmful than it might sound but everything i do, where I'm not in bed, feels wrong. It feels like just a step that is neccessary for me to then end up in my bed as fast as possible.

[@Ford_prefect_42]

Holy cow I feel this so hard

[@eshqa]

If you like to have something covering or wrapped around your body while in bed, being in bed is maybe comforting because it's like being in the womb again where when the body was there there was the absence of feeling fear, trauma-hurt, worry.

[@julielee8651]

Okay, this is honesty. Ive never been able to admit even internally. Everything I do outside of my bed. Im like okay I can do this, and get back to my bedroom and lay down . Just get everything done in one day, so you can get back to existing, but barely. My bed is my best friend. I'm so incredibly chronically exhausted to my core.

[@BrendaNeedle]

Me too

[@rachelheyth3645]

Wow. I've got the same thing. I've never thought of it as an addictiveness though. I think all the covid woes were a part of this. What else was there to do when you are already depressed.

[@erikcain9596]

The “tiredness in your soul” resonates with me so much. During those moments, everything feels like it takes 10x the effort for .1x the reward. I call it the “swimming in peanut butter” feeling.

[@rachelheyth3645]

I deal with that too. I've adopted "a one step in the right direction" mantra. It seems to unlock something even if it's small. But I can tell there is a "shift" to some degree.

[@wendybothma3548]

It’s the ‘trying to wade through thick mud’ feeling

[@lutecia4398]

Walking through molasses.

[@rlthh]

I could sleep 10 hours but still tired and during school stare at the assignments when I used to get them done asap without a problem even sometimes enjoying them lol but when that happens I know I am back to my depressed self and gotta start working on myself once again to get back to my “real self”

[@lucialuciferion6720]

Everything feels like a chore.

[@troncat17]

it’s such a surreal feeling, accepting that you will never be like normal people, and you just have to live like this. i have already realized that i will never experience life like other people and i will never experience normal emotions without constantly being controlled by depression

[@gildaaugustine1785]

Not being able to do anything that requires more than a couple of steps...a recipe i want to cook, a chore, paperwork. If it requires sustained focus and patience, I have lots of trouble motivating myself to do it. Then, of course, I'll beat myself up for not doing it.

[@sydludwig1826]

This probably won’t help but just take baby steps. One day just stack the papers in a neat pile. If you can afford it have your groceries delivered. I use Walmart. If the dishes need to be done just put a few dishes away from the dishwasher a few times a day. Find recipes in KZbin that only need a few ingredients. Throw them all in a crock pot or Dutch oven in the oven. Do small loads of laundry so there’s not too much to fold. I hope these tips help. I wish you the best.

[@Lovingleroy]

I’m right there. I feel guilty and ashamed but I can’t do anything though I always tell myself I’ll get it done tomorrow. Well, tomorrow never comes

[@martywilsonlife]

I've been doing this for about five years. I feel that my avoidance makes me lose all credibility.

[@magpiesmith971]

When I’m depressed this kind of situation makes my anxiety go through the roof

[@deborahbasel184]

Colours being dull. During my Depressive episodes I find everything is dull. Colours, conversation, books, tv, everything.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

Yes. A few times, I completely lost colour for a short time. It was bizarre to pretty much see the world more in black and white it was so bad.

[@kritiqal1337]

I think its a part of Anhedonia I remember starting SSRI's and noticing colours again

[@melaniemorales33]

YES!

[@Lindamartin-ml1nv]

I have lost color once !!! I called it a grey world bc everything was in shades of grey, black and white !!!

[@SkinCareLuver]

Yeah. It makes depression even worse.

[@Eli_00001]

When I was at my most suicidal I was skipping classes to sleep in obscure places in the school, I became really good at sleeping during the day and in all sorts of positions

[@isotope73]

I live like a regular person in my DREAMS. Always love remembering a dream where I'm normal again. Hate waking up!

[@karenhenderson5476]

Your not alone ❤

[@anaabendroth3460]

I am often younger in my dreams. I have issues with my aging.

[@richard_from_england333]

I never feel depressed in my dreams, I feel like my real self.. Almost like dreams feel more real than real life.. Weird

[@isotope73]

@@richard_from_england333 fascinating

[@hannahmitchell87]

​@richard_from_england333 exactly! I feel positive emotions really strongly & fully in my dreams. Rarely that much in waking life. Maybe that's why I escleep so much

[@beverlysettle8235]

I notice that it sometimes feels like I lost time. like suddenly I will look around and see that dishes have piled up, laundry has piled up, nothing has gotten cleaned, and I become acutely aware and am able to get these things done and have an overwhelming feeling that a lot of time elapsed and I was functioning, but was unaware of how minimal the basis of my functioning was…like I don’t even recall how I got from A to B each day.

[@PaigeSquared]

I notice this too!! More often when I ruminate.

[@PaigeSquared]

I think I might just really stand there and ruminate, and because it is so distressing/my mind feels compelled/preoccupied almost obsessive over it. That's when I know I have to be strict about my thoughts, when I feel the compulsion and I can't choose to follow my schedule. Routines help. I have a whiteboard chore/schedule list that helps me keep track of things so they're not gross.

[@Sufferfish]

Are you on anti depressants?

[@hedgiegal3340]

I have this, too!

[@narelleworks8448]

I wonder if I would be videotaped and it would prove exactly how slowly I move. I can’t account for the loss of or slowness of time. Yet other times time has vanished.

[@SpasticSquirrel543]

Also feeling absolutely and utterly alone no matter how many people around you- even the people who love me.

[@SweetTooth1102]

I have a lot of these. There's also another symptom: fear of homelessness. I've experienced this one. I always feel as if I'm going to amount to nothing and end up on the street. It's one of my biggest fears.

[@davidstorme8748]

Homelessness (habitual), can lead to Bi-Polar Disorder because of the Amygdala’s ‘Flight-or-Flight’ response can lead to, (in instances of habitual), abnormal/prolonged neural-stimulation of instinctive avoidance-reflexes to escape a pervasively aversive situation.

[@KayOffshoot]

​@davidstorme8748 do you know where I can learn more about that? I'm extremely curious having been chronically homeless

[@davidstorme8748]

@@KayOffshoot perhaps Textbooks dealing with Abnormal Psychology would be a good start, perhaps Sociology too…

[@Isographe]

I have such fear too!

[@SweetTooth1102]

@Isographe Yeah, I think it's especially common now because of the economy nowadays. It's a struggle to afford basic necessities, and buying a house is almost impossible.

[@iannorton2253]

The tiredness and complete lack of energy or motivation is overwhelming. I've been experiencing the restless agitation for the past several days, but been totally unable to rest or relax. Everything Dr Eilers is saying - everything on this list - is correct and identifiable. Nobody else has ever recognised or discussed these symptoms, not even doctors, therapists or counsellors. For the first time, someone is describing my life exactly.

[@barbc7211]

I particularly relate to the specific fatigue you described….theres nothing else quite like it . Thank you for your articulation of these factors in depression ❤

[@KaylaEchols221]

I've been there related to the agitation and fatigue. I spent about 16 years not sleeping more than 1-2 hours a night.

[@thestace7777]

@@KaylaEchols221I wonder if that is the same as being “tired but wired”?

[@annehedonia156]

​@@thestace7777 If tired, but wired feels absolutely miserable, then, yes.

[@charlotterockel-kennedy8913]

​@@KaylaEchols221I'm still like that going on 30 years 😢 started when I was 25 and now I'm 56. I have never really slept since I was born. The tiredness never used to hit me as bad as it has the past couple of years.

[@cherchikatilo3032]

As a teen, I thought I was going to be a serial killer. I dreaded turning 18 because I thought that my intrusive thoughts would become actions. I only started feeling a little better when I turned 29 and had not merked anyone. Just imagine hating everyone because they could go to a party and be happy and if you went to the same party, you still felt alone in a sea of noisy-happy people. Depression is a feckin’ terminal illness.😢

[@farmgirlre4634]

Thank you for this video. Checked off every one of these oddly specific signs of depression. So, I have my constant muttering in my brain like this: "Get up. Just keep going. It'll be okay. Get dressed. Just keep going. Get going. Feed the pets. Drive to work. Do work. Talk to co-workers. Check emails but don't delete anything. Be nice. Eat. Do one extra thing. Talk to daughter. Be normal. Drive home. Get gas and food. It'll be okay. Just keep going. Check house didn't burn down. Check pets are still alive. Watch Netflix. Pay bills. Do laundry. Wash dishes. Etc.". I feel like a displaced robot with no feelings for anything anymore. It hurts to do anything that I used to love to do.

[@jessicagerber1894]

Exactly!!

[@Bluebird19-ll8su]

Well said. You're not the only one. I also talk to myself like this, too. Going through life like a robot.

[@TherealLumpendoodle]

I call it “drudging”. You just drudge through life. Head down, putting one foot in front of the other.

[@VickiNikolaidis]

Chronic sense of displacement resonates with me from when I was a child.

[@1Gr8Editrix]

Too bad we can't choose our families.

[@patriciasalem3606]

I always thought this was just some kind of past life or parallel life weird phenomenon.

[@MiArtStuff]

Me 5, me too,

[@clobre_]

yeah especially with my parents' divorce and moving multiple times throughout my childhood

[@mwwhatever]

Your openness about your own struggles makes you a really good therapist. My therapist is nice enough but feels like I'm talking to a wall sometimes which just makes me less likely to open up

[@womaninwood9177]

Tell him/her about that.

[@aeoligarlic4024]

Or if that doesn't work, get a new therapist

[@sanelpierre3686]

Achievement Anesthesia, the dullness of life, not wanting to participate in fickle conversations...all of it...finally a voice which so eloquently describes the torment

[@baneverything5580]

Bourdain and the others were suffering, afraid, tired, likely overwhelmed by painful anxiety, and felt like they couldn`t take it anymore. It hurts in ways "normal" people can`t imagine. I`ve set a schedule for myself to do at least this one thing every morning at the break of dawn...I take food out for a squirrel and the birds and make sure they have clean water. When I call to them several of them answer like the Cardinal pair who nest here, a woodpecker, and a little Titmouse pair. I`m slowly getting to know a pair of Doves who are beginning to trust me too. A raccoon comes in the evening if I call him. I helped a bunny during the extreme heat and drought last year, dug a puddle for the frogs who put their eggs in Bunny`s water bowl, and fed a Raccoon who was eating the bird seeds. Bunny trusts me and put her nest of babies in my vegetable garden this year. I discovered this yesterday. Ha! I`ve planted over 15 fruit trees this year...enough to share and help the wildlife when I become unable. I plan to root 50 cuttings to give away at a small local church that has a food pantry that helps me. These things are how I created purpose in my life. I was homeless before and had nothing so I enjoy helping these animals here, being friends with them, and feeling needed instead of worthless.

[@artglass00]

oh I think that is wonderful ❤️ I love animals

[@baneverything5580]

@@artglass00 I was watering my peas and okra yesterday and started seeing glimpses of "rats" scurrying around. I was spraying water on the baby bunnies. Ha! I finally saw one. They`re eating leaves on some of the peas but I`m not gonna bother them. They need to eat and get healthy and the peas are so thick the big owls around here can`t see them. Their mom knew they`d be safe there. I planted her plenty of peas around all the fruit trees and along the blackberry patch. Their leaves (various black eyed pea varieties) can be up to 40% protein and are considered an overlooked superfood. I let her eat from my garden last year because it didn`t rain for nearly six months and there was nothing else for her to eat so she knew the babies would be in the perfect spot there and the owls wouldn`t come around with me out there all the time. I had noticed her hanging around close to the garden but had no idea she had a nest in there.

[@baneverything5580]

@@artglass00 I just looked around in the pea patch and saw two of the little bunnies. They`re about 5 inches long but very plump and healthy and very nervous too. When I would talk to them they`d hop around and move the peas so that`s how I spotted them. I noticed the plants moving when I watered them for the past several days and thought it was toads in there because I saw one recently. I`m gonna have to put a bowl of water under the peas for them tonight. It has been HOT in Louisiana lately and it`s about to get even hotter. If I would have known about this I would have bought some rabbit food for babies.

[@nataliyalevashov6483]

This is the best I’ve read in the past couple of days

[@stuart3808]

This is so wholesome. ❤

[@rissapersonality]

The last one is SO real, I constantly do things that make me feel sad just because they make me feel something, even though it's not good and I don't really want it. I just feel numb all the time and nothing affects me anymore

[@amandainsa1048]

I try to set aside one day a week to go to an appointment, shop for necessities, and run errands. I dread that day. Sometimes, I change my mind and decide not to go out after all. Then, after a while, I feel guilty for being lazy, so I force myself to go out. The entire time, I have an anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. Traffic, Waiting in Line, Interacting with people... all of that stresses me out. Then, when I FINALLY arrive home, I breathe a sigh of relief and I say, "That was horrible. I never want to do that again!"

[@maryn4150]

So relatable, as if this comment was written by myself. Hang in there hon 🤍

[@amandainsa1048]

@maryn4150 Thank you! Hugs and blessings to you!

[@caroliamurri3872]

This is my life, every day.. Thank you for your comment. 💓

[@Bluebird19-ll8su]

Yes, so relatable! Having to go get my haircut is so draining. I've been trying to psych myself up to make a dentist appointment. Months have gone by and I still haven't done it.

[@CaseyWindom]

I relate to this so strongly as well!!

[@Houdini_Bob]

1 - fantasy world - check 2- soul crushing tiredness - check 4 - angry perfectionism - check 5 - achievement amnesia - check 6 - normal people are viewed as superheroes - check 7 - sense of being out of place in todays world/society - check 8 - emotion creating activities - check out of all these I probably feel most in tune with 1 and 7. Like your friend I feel connected to Japan. my way feeling of fanatical loyalty to a friend is out of fashion in todays "me first" world. there is far more to it but not something for an open forum like youtube. I do experience all of these expect to a degree expect subdued color (4)

[@Sufferfish]

I commented as well that #1 and #7 apply to me the most currently >interesting

[@mayamichelle6741]

For me it’s all of them except 1 and 6. I just don’t believe that other people are that happy. Also for me 8 used to be really strong. But since covid, very little stirs emotion in me.

[@animeluchia5405]

I’d really like a video on the difference between getting obsessed with escapism, or with fantasy worlds, and addiction. I’ve tried to explain this to my therapist who swears I’m addicted to video games and screens, when in reality you could take away my video games, you could take away my screens, you could take away all access to creative endeavors, take away access to all media, and you can keep me away from the bed and not allow me to sleep until it’s bed time, and you could force me to do nothing but homework… and it wouldn’t change. You could give me my ADHD medication in the hopes to get me to focus on my homework, and I won’t be able to. I will just spend my whole time staring at the HW and escape into my mind instead. I will spend my whole time daydreaming. I will spend my whole time just sitting there, thinking about a fanfic I want to write about a version of me with a different or similar backstory, and powers befitting the fantasy world I want to escape into, or in the case of a celebrity crush, I’ll have the same background, but I’ll somehow run into my celebrity crush and we’ll fall in love, and create a life together… I will spend my whole time creating what I would look like in the fantasy world, or maybe I’ll spend all my time plotting out how I meet the celebrity, or the personality I’ll have, or maybe I won’t actually have the same backstory, or maybe I’d be an improved version of myself… I’d just be thinking that instead of thinking about what I need to do for homework…

[@MHBTNO]

This „normal people resemble super heroes“ is so true. I had some pretty dark times with depression and was always wondering how everyone else lived their lives. Just get up and get on with things? But how?

[@beverlysettle8235]

I am in this place too, where I will look at people going from here to there and driving and walking and shopping and conversing…and all the while thinking how do they do all of this? It’s so overwhelming! I go to work and come home and collapse from the weight of just making it thru another day. And having my boss say it is so good to just see you here, and looking at her and thinking why are you saying that? Why would you possibly want to have me around?

[@alicepirola7077]

I totally feel this. My husband is neurotypical and he amazes me. "Normal" people = so jealous. How the heck?😢

[@MHBTNO]

@@beverlysettle8235 I am better now with this comparison thing. But it took me years to understand that I have to do things my way and just ignore the others. There are multiple ways to get things done. Just have to find your way.

[@MHBTNO]

@@alicepirola7077 Comparing yourself to neurotypical people just leads to disappointment in your own abilities. Find your own way of doing things and let the neurotypicals just be. And if someone asks why you are doing it like this, just say: because I can.

[@linmonPIE]

This one hit deep. The other day I was watching The Hunchback of Notre Dame and I started weeping when Quasi sang “Out There”. The whole damn song is so relatable but especially “Out there among the millers and the weavers and their wives Through the roofs and gables I can see them Every day they shout and scold and go about their lives Heedless of the gift it is to be them If I was in their skin I'd treasure every instant”

[@QRMito]

The sad is thing is no one is hearing you and dismisses your feelings and saying you just need to be positive. What I most feel is to be ignored, and I feel like yelling and not being heard. You are describing exactly what I am going through.

[@katblehm2119]

The sad truth is no one IS listening. No one listens to me, so I’ve gone silent. People are so distracted by so much now, if you even try to start a conversation with many or most of them, they listen for like maybe one minute. …then they’re off on their own tangent or scrolling on their phone. As a matter of fact, I’m not just silent with them, I’ve literally extricated myself from them. I see my adult son on a regular basis as he lives with me. He listens and he also talks. Other than that, and the occasional interaction on social media -like this- I stay quiet. 🤔🫤

[@patriciasalem3606]

OMG, the "stop the negative thinking" nonsense. Or "you just need to practice gratitude." Makes me want to scream.

[@NYDaughter1972]

I always get "Maybe it's the weather".

[@resterreese3341]

@@katblehm2119 Exactly my experience on trying to speak out to my father about my issues. Its hard to listen to him keep on berating me to "learn how to communicate" when everytime I try to speak, He deny, reject, demean or belittle my feelings.

[@gene108]

I’ve concluded that people who haven’t been clinically depressed or had other mental health issues just cannot relate. They may want to be supportive, but they do not know how. I stopped talking about what I’m feeling a long time ago with people. It doesn’t help. One thing I’ve noticed is when I want to talk about a problem, the other person wants to offer solutions. I don’t want solutions. I want someone to listen to me, and may be reassure me. Just sit there and listen. I don’t want advice.

[@kffinofbonsons]

A kid, 16 year old here I've been experiencing these symptoms in different intensities over the course of my life so far (especially during the pandemic?). Lately, I've been mainly experiencing the displacement and achievement anesthesia, and I'm pretty relieved to see there was someone who could put the problem into words. Thank you for this video. I aspire to get better with self-help and eventually go to therapy when I'm independent.

[@leahrachael5814]

❤🙏

[@AletheSnail7]

Also 16, been struggling with the tiredness and angry perfectionism. And it’s just a wonderful loop of, “man I’m tired and burnt out and I’m supposed to be an AP kid but I can’t even handle one assignment and everyone else can do a lot more than me consistently” I’ve also been struggling with the physical issues for over a year and just came to terms with my addiction to video games. I’ve dismissed it a lot as just stress in the moment, but even when there’s nothing to stress about, I still just feel out of it. I’m sure it will come to pass eventually, but I have to agree that this video was able to put into words exactly how I’ve been feeling, and really just calling it for what it is. It’s depression, and that’s ok.

[@DingleSpangle]

16 too, just turned in august . ur not alone man . rant, warning, sorry just wanna get it out. i stumbled across this video right when the beginning of a severe depressive episode began. i feel so empty and horrible and nothing matters at all. i've felt a similar way since i was 6-7 but that's all i remember so it could've been more. it's just a part of my life now and i don't know what to do. all these years i've refused to ask for help specifically for my depression since it's just always there and therefore just part of my personality, it's so tiring. i use food to cope . hyperfixating on food, to be exact, i have a restrictive ED. the ED tricks me into feeling like my depression symptoms are getting better but i know logically it's making it worse. had that for 3 years. chronic pains too. muscle issues and when you tie that in with restriction there's a physical dumpsterfire. sorry for the rant. and the achievement anaesthesia thing really hit home, i was trying to describe that feeling to my mother just yesterday and now i have a word for it. other stuff too but i'm too unmotivated to keep typing, i've only commetented on yt vids like five times ever... yeah. i hope your days go by easier , everyone deserves it

[@AletheSnail7]

@@DingleSpangle I’m so sorry about that. Above all, it’s just so exhausting. But I wanted to let you know that reading your comment made me feel less alone, the eating and physical aspects you mentioned as well is something I also relate to, which can be hard cuz most chronic pain is in old people, and people our age can’t really relate. If I’m being honest, it’s hard. Still, I wish you the best. Sending virtual hug!

[@veramae4098]

I'm 71. I've had my own fantasy going since about 9 years of age. Oh yeah, and I lay on the couch about 3 hours ever day, just not doing anything.

[@strawberryshortcake5505]

adhd?

[@fumarate1]

welcome to the club.

[@leddyleds]

Thank you for sharing that, I’m 13yrs deep and that number really freaks me out sometimes. In a weird way, it’s comforting to know I’m not alone

[@ducklingscap897]

Did you ever hear of Maladaptive Daydreaming?

[@crackheadradar7803]

@@ducklingscap897thats literally me every second of the day 😅

[@jessalfan24]

Right around 6 months ago, I was in my bedroom crying and I literally said out loud, “I want to go home.”, and it actually kind of surprised me. It was confusing. Since then, I’ve had that feeling a lot. I had never heard anyone else say this (in this context) nor did I completely understand it. This is so validating. Thank you.

[@sunflowerzelda45]

think it means we want to die. we are done here but life just keeps going on and on. so take a nap :)

[@nancybender5389]

We all have an empty spot in our hearts/life that only God can fill,He wants a relationship with us and has gone to prepare a place for us so we can be with Him someday. When I get those longings to go “home” I feel that is the home I’m longing for! “And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes;for there shall be no more death,nor sorrow,nor crying.There shall be no more pain,for the former things will pass away”. Revelation 21:4

[@grumpygranny724]

I want to go home, but I cannot find the door

[@BetterDays_Now]

YES. THERE'S TONS OF US ! Look up DELORES CANNON, THREE WAVES OF VOLUNTEERS. We're here for a reason, but we want to go HOME. ❤❤❤

[@BetterDays_Now]

YES. THERE'S TONS OF US ! Look up DELORES CANNON, THREE WAVES OF VOLUNTEERS. We're here for a reason, but we want to go HOME. ❤❤❤

[@radcock9282]

Only someone who has experienced depression can truly understand what we are talking about.

[@Lucas99927]

The piece about watching people drive past in cars and looking at them with awe hits hard. Like where and what and how are all these people doing it.

[@homuraakemi9556]

I remember staring out my apartment window and very distinctly asking that exact question one day

[@Ford_prefect_42]

I have friends that can do 2 things in a day... Like work and go to dinner. Or laundry and shopping. And I can't imagine what that's like

[@michelles1489]

Bingo!

[@mayamichelle6741]

It’s no measure of health to be well adjusted in a profoundly sick society. - Krishnamurti

[@wadewatson2751]

You're on the outside looking in watching the world function and you are no part of it. That's when I know I'm down and out.

[@clawrunner]

definitely feeling the spiritual level of tiredness, you wake up and feel just as tired as you went to sleep, food just feeds your body but doesn't help, caffeine will amp up the brain but it won't get rid of the tiredness, nothing seems as enjoyable, and you kinda feel invisible, even if people greet you and talk to you

[@SachaPerry-r5l]

Yes

[@fldmastr]

Thank you, im suffering from severe depression at the moment and don't think people understand when I say I'm tired what it actually means. It is comforting to hear someone else say it

[@zenfan1098]

I just want someone to love and someone to love me and help me, I'm lost and 60 years old, my significant other doesn't care anymore, he's has no interest anymore, i do everything around the house and yard with no help, its exhausting and miserable making me physically ill, My brain is on overdrive constantly, thanks for reading and listening , blessings too all❤

[@smoothjazz1954]

Sounds like you need a new life. Divorce might help. Good luck

[@sunflowerzelda45]

husband might be depressed too. I know I have been married and felt alone. It is sad to feel this way. Now I am alone husband died of cancer. that was hard to watch him slowly go. omg. God lift us up help us see we are blessed. Be my friend zenfan.. ?

[@myralasavia1546]

I too am 60 & lost.

[@zenfan1098]

@@sunflowerzelda45 thank you so much, I will send loving thoughts and prayers 🙏 to you.

[@zenfan1098]

@@myralasavia1546 I will send you a prayer and good things to come your way 🙏💞

[@kaylynn4750]

“I want to go home.” Is something I’ve said to God a lot when I’m down. And I’ve definitely experienced the dulling of colors in my worst states. I recall it in particular in my worst depression and worst spiritual state. It’s awful. Edit: I absolutely relate to all these.

[@kelliered4530]

I feel the same

[@valerieangell7588]

I forget what it feels like to love the people I love…I can’t feel it.And it makes me sad.

[@BetterDays_Now]

Anthony Bourdain admitted in at least one episode, that his lifestyle with that TV show filming was amazing, because he traveled all over the world, but he felt lonely, because he'd make friends with people and then never see them again. He always had to keep moving to a new location where he didn't know anybody, over and over and over. Always a new location every week. I knew he was depressed. 😢❤

[@sw6118]

It makes it very easy to make casual friends, but very hard to maintain longer deeper relationships. A lot of jobs have this type of problem built into the job.

[@susanpetropoulos1039]

Everyone was using Bourdain and he had to dance with whoever had the next ticket. It must have eroded his joy of living.

[@TokyoBlue587]

I think he also said that when he was traveling he was wishing he was home, but when he was at home, he would wish he was traveling. So he never felt happy no matter where he was.

[@caroliamurri3872]

He was so brilliant.. Such a terrible loss. 😢

[@jeweledthrone2850]

I think about him and Robin Williams often.

[@ErroneousTheory]

Yeah, I get so incredibly tired and unmotivated and wish others could really understand. I'm not sad, not lazy, and not ungrateful.

[@tarajh]

I hear and understand you. Your tiredness is not your fault and your feelings are valid.

[@kirsikka3752]

Ask your doctor for bupropion.

[@weechoclatyclaire]

I understand. I feel the same. It's like my soul is drained. I keep going to work, keep doing what I have to do to survive but inside I'm exhausted.

[@princessalayna5]

angry perfectionism is so real because whenever people move things in my room or move my stuff it just makes me so angry like I'll start crying out of pure rage

[@eacomedy]

I really appreciate that you don't edit your speech tone/timing in these videos. The trend of editing all silences, pauses and "breaks" in videos or having another part start before one part is all the way done has been making me feel REALLY UNREAL lately. It totally exacerbates my sense that i no longer belong in this world/millennium.

[@cooliohoolio30]

💗💗💗 i resonate with this so much

[@linmonPIE]

Thank you for mentioning this. I wasn’t aware people were doing this. I was listening to a podcast last night and was just in awe of how fast they were talking about complicated subjects without any “ums” “uhs” or pauses. I even had to slow it down so I could digest what they were saying. Made me feel pretty stupid TBH. I thought if I ever had to talk to them I’d sound like I had an IQ of about 25 with how long it takes me to put my thoughts together coherently.

[@eacomedy]

@@linmonPIE it can be really jarring esp when you already may face challenges, like many of us, with distinguishing reality from unreality!

[@mariekatherine5238]

Bright lights and colors hurt my eyes when I’m depressed. I want to retreat to shadows, shaded, or dark places. If I can’t get away, I’ve been known to wear sunglasses. Fluorescent lights get me agitated to the point I have to run away.

[@chachachazki]

I recognise exactly what you are saying, to me it's both bright light and sound, they feel like an overwhelming physical pain almost like being stabbed into my eyes and ears, it makes me really struggle trying to be around other people or go out into the world to do anything. It's really hard to explain this to people who tell you to just go for a walk or speak to a friend when dealing with depression. It is really comforting for me just to be wrapped up in a soft blanket in the dark.

[@kathiparchem6254]

This also sounds like a processing disorder. A sensory integration difficulty. Some people who have a form of autism have described similar feelings toward light, etc. Just something to check into as well.

[@FetchtheleashBizVT]

I feel so seen and understood. Thank you. Therapists and doctors and family members have all failed to truly understand these aspects of depression and I’ve struggled with nearly all of them for my entire life (without realizing they were even abnormal until very recently, which is crazy). Mindfulness doesn’t fix this. Gratitude doesn’t fix this. Positivity doesn’t fix this. Trying harder doesn’t fix this. But knowing there are people out there like you who truly get it makes me hopeful for the future. I’m so grateful that the algorithm decided to show me this video today.

[@sarahlevy2793]

This is so relatable it’s scary! I’m completely stuck in my own body, frozen, paralyzed - this isn’t a ‘quality of life’ at all. Depression is so underrated 😪 I hate living like this, it’s worthless…

[@rachelheyth3645]

But it can get better. Be kind to your self. Even if you have to go to the painful places in your mind and bring them front and center, and then pop them back on a "shelf" to be examined again when you are ready. For me that makes them, "the painful places" apart from self. That way they don't define us.

[@LauraMorrisrnmd]

A severe depression would be so painful in part because I too would feel I was worthless, living was worthless. I wanted to die. I was pissed off when someone called 911 and they kept me alive. I was just living so other people wouldn’t be upset at my suicide. But after a long while I recovered. I’m glad someone felt I was worth salvaging. Tell someone when your life is worthless.

[@blackburned]

Sending love

[@judisterlynn7896]

I am currently experiencing a majority of these, so this is depression. I thought I was going insane! Thank you so much, for explaining this!

[@ИапГоревич]

I am experiencing all at the moment. I am just 18 :(

[@dominiqueritchey6795]

Keep your head up. It's bad in youth, but it gets better for most people as they age and achieve their own things.

[@roentjen]

@@ИапГоревичim 18 too and i’ve had depression for all of my life. i just want you to know that pills aren’t evil. they aren’t for everybody, but if you’re diagnosed and ready, they can really help you get back on the right track. especially if you know your depression is largely due to your living situation/period in your life. i hope you feel better, and don’t let anybody scare you off of medication if therapy doesn’t work.

[@ChineduOpara]

​@@ИапГоревичYou are just 18, so you have PLENTY of time to get better.

[@starlight8115]

I remember being a tween (about 12/13) and going online for the first time, starting to learn about different things (because I live learning, doesn't matter what!) and I came across signs of depression and went "oh boy, that sure sounds like me. Anyways..." turns out of course I was depressed, it flared up when I was around 15 during the pandemic I could even get ou of bed nor even bother to connect to online classes. I had first been diagnosed when I was 9, but I couldn't remember that because the period of my life was overall pretty traumatic, so happy 10 year anniversary of my depression to me, I guess! Serious talk, I just wanted to say that if this resonates with you, to please look into anything that can help you. I get sick of everything trying Journaling, meditation, therapy, going to the gym, picking up hobbies an dropping them over and over again... But for me, it's the only way to stay afloat, as I still haven't managed to find any way to get better. But it's certainly better to try and get help before you can't even pick yourself up off the floor when you hit the bottom. Please try, you're worth it

[@saintperthnorthcloud3850]

In my case I no longer seem to find joy or satisfaction to things that used to make me happy. It seems like everything makes no sense to find meaning and connections. I caved in and just want to constantly be alone. I felt like everything don't matter at all at the end of the day. I can't break that cycle, i feel like i was trapped living in my own lonely world. Then one day i just let go and tried to listen to my inner self through introspection, deep- thought meditation and just be more compassionate with myself then it opened a door of clearing my mind and self awareness. I was able to forgive myself and just live by the moment. It was a fulfilling realization and I'm grateful to my existence now.

[@tureldragoon3667]

On point! There is one thing I would like to add. I always have the feeling, that the only feeling that gives me a kind of drive, is anger. There is a crippling sense of, there is no other feeling that gives me motivation.

[@dogdays7597]

same

[@Wooddweller]

0:30 in, that’s definitely why I feel like I’m really childlike kinda. I feel like it’s a great distraction… I needed to hear this.

[@Wooddweller]

I used to get fussed out by family members bc they were frustrated with me. They didn’t understand my depression. They’d say, “get out of Lala land”. I didn’t understand that statement but to them it looks like I’m just doing makeup, wearing elf ears and just being a lazy creep that can’t step outside. I’m literally a prisoner of my depression rn.

[@bryanselchFL]

I do this with Halo and Star Wars a lot...

[@Wooddweller]

@@bryanselchFL I feel that. Escapism hits sometimes. It’s The Legend of Zelda for me & Twilight. Fantasy and Time Period Romance for me ! Starwars is awesome.

[@bratanyaroslav3561]

Holy F man, this is even more spot on than the standard diagnosis. Regarding point 8: At the deepest point of depression, I've wanted to listen to music that makes me sadder (for some reason)

[@hiloknowsall7462]

@@bratanyaroslav3561 because at least they move you in a way the happy, uplifting, motivating, and inspiring songs no longer tend to do…it’s not that we don’t like those songs, but sad songs for me, when in depression generate more emotional “valence” / response than my happy place music. ❤️

[@reneejackson6633]

Agreed, anger is a thing, BUT some become outwardly annoyed and impatient (and cruel) with others and some turn all of that inward.

[@valeriekehrt7566]

I turn mine in & hurt myself doing that. Internalize everything. 😮

[@Ice-oe9lg]

after internalizing for over 10 years its started coming out more, it's a feeling of being fed up with struggling to meet bare minimum standards for absolutely nothing, no joy, no comfort, no happiness. People around don't appreciate the lengths i go to keep up, the pain i'm always masking just to function, and i'm fed up with the lack of perspective and understanding on top of the struggle.

[@pilgrimspromise1132]

I don't know if you read comments on your videos, but one thing I would love to hear you talk about is neglecting your body as a form of covert self-harm. It was a big realization moment for me when I found out that my poor sleeping habit was not just a symptom and side effect of depression but was functionally a form of self-harm similar to cutting or binging, it was simply a way for me to harm myself and subtly Express self hatred

[@klanderkal]

That's so interesting.. what you've said. I have horrible Insomnia.. I have severe depression, and suffer terribly. I have depression because of foolish mistakes and decisions I made, that altered my life forever and devastated me. I've had so much guilt, regret and I self blame. Just living is horrible for me.

[@caribarrett6175]

Your comment hit home with me. I recently expressed to a friend, who loves to read and does so daily, that, for me, reading is a form of self care. It takes being quiet, still, in the moment, is enjoyable or informative, etc. I seem to be unable to have or do any of that. Ask do is distract from what is. I have an enviable life, but my anhedonia is ever-present. Self care is “as needed” and sleep? A tough one. I appreciated your insight. Hugs to us all❤

[@Bluebird19-ll8su]

@@klanderkal I relate to that so much... foolish mistakes and dumb decisions that have altered my life. The guilt and regret. I also have horrible insomnia. An interesting take on it.

[@klanderkal]

@Bluebird19-ll8su It's so personally destructive. Only we know how devastated we are. I'm almost done.... its taking me out. ☠️

[@Bluebird19-ll8su]

@@klanderkal Yes, it is personally destructive. And trying to put a mask on when facing the world. Please take care of yourself the best you can.

[@kirbirbstomp]

8:54 achievement anesthesia. i’ve been feeling like this since i was a little kid. it’s been so hard to explain to people, but you described it perfectly. i accomplish amazing things (when i’m up for it) but i never FEEL anything from them. i’ve asked so many people what fulfillment feels like because it’s apparently something that’s real. thanks for making this video.

[@cerulean93]

I feel just blown away right now with how deeply all of these describe my experience. I half want to cry because it's so rare to feel so understood (even as just a viewer of this video) and half because I'm at a point today where I can perceive how disordered so much of my life has been. I almost went through the process of trying to get a chronic fatigue diagnosis earlier this year, for example, and yet right now when my mood is stable I'm not overtired at all.

[@maureencameron4120]

I can relate to so many of these... The fatigue, the achievement anesthesia, normal people looking like superheroes, being addicted to anything that creates emotion, even if it's negative emotion.... I honestly feel like I missed out on "How to do life 101" and everyone else passed with flying colours.

[@tmlopez7227]

You described me

[@ItsAcedTea]

I always described the tiredness as being in my bones, no one really seemed to get that I wasn’t just normal tired

[@michelem189]

All of these *should* be in the DSM. You just described my life -- and the lives of others I know with MDD.

[@katblehm2119]

The chronic displacement has been mine all my life. I never felt connected to my blood relatives; they’re not in my life now. My favorite brother died in 2016 😓 …I’ve done so much throughout my life to find my ‘tribe’. I did find it with my third husband… we had the most amazing life together for 18 years. He passed over 9 years ago 😥 and since then I’ve been severely lost. I’ve joined different groups with my interests which appealed to me, but still… this experience of being disconnected lives on. The lack of connection to others is literally destroying me. 😞

[@hushhush85]

I'm so sorry 😟

[@wtfishh57]

I'm a 16yo and had depression symptoms when I was 13yo and diagnosed with depression at 14yo and wow. I've never really heard any of my therapists talk about this. So thank you for this video.

[@brendacollinsdeeks7268]

I’ve suffered from chronic depression for decades yet didn’t know some of these effects were part of my depression! This video was incredibly enlightening. Thank you so much.

[@vugh]

One symptom that surprised me was difficulty driving and/or fear of driving. I love driving! But when I was depressed, I feared driving and when I did, I found it very challenging. I had not heard of this symptom before then.

[@justreallyshort7098]

Before I started medication, I had a really bad episode during the pandemic. Now I’ve been struggling with depression for a while then but there was something much deeper within that time. I had been a pianist since childhood and was quite promising. Within that year and a half, my motivation to continue playing diminished and what’s worse was that I began to regress my skills. I couldn’t remember how to play anymore. Skill and cognitive regression from depression is horrifying.

[@IamHisHeismine]

Does anyone else find that being mistreated or even abused, amplifies and worsen depression symptoms?

[@Every_Day_islike_Sunday]

Absolutely

[@slothochdonut3099]

That's so logically true

[@NoComment374]

Being misunderstood or misperceived, too - All send the message that 'X' doesn't care about me.

[@la6136]

I mean of course it does….. what else?

[@Duhgel]

I mean, that's what caused mine.

[@Sophiaknows33]

Completely agree on all points. I had to break up with a therapist who thought I was odd for mentioning these things. I found it hard to believe I was the only one with these thoughts when depressed.

[@magnolia1255]

The chronic displacement affects me to the point of crying sometimes. I have a mix of that and fantasy escapism to the point that certain fantasy tv shows games or movies physically hurt for me to watch because all I want is to be there and not here. That or living in a time that isnt this one, either far back in the past or forward in the future. It all turns my brain to sludge, thank you for putting a name to it.

[@michepriest]

Achievement anesthesia!! I had this when I completed my first marathon. I wasn’t previously a runner. Then tried to outrun my grief by training for a marathon for 18 weeks. I completed it and felt nothing. I didn’t think I was depressed because I didn’t feel down. I felt nothing. It’s interesting that this is a sign of depression

[@EEMASProductions]

All of the above but the angry perfectionism really hits home. I've experienced it both at work and with my hobby. At work I would snap at people for the smallest mistakes and with my hobby I could not finish anything and would be so angry at myself, desperate for a win that would never come because I wouldn't let it. If I finished something and it wasn't perfect I saw it as a waste of time, not even congratulating myself for this small achievement as I should have.

[@shineeteentop24]

The last one omg. Everyone who knows me knows I have an addictive personality. When I find something that makes me feel //something// I go all in on it, to an extreme. I've been depressed since I was a kid and this just explains so much.

[@The_Binninator]

Your username makes me laugh, because I know how it is with Kpop. 5000% dopamine machine and the only thing that's made me feel anything in years

[@shineeteentop24]

@ it truly makes my life feel worth living haha

[@The_Binninator]

@@shineeteentop24 for me I wouldn't say 'truly' but it at least makes me feel something instead of nothing and creates just enough false sense of community to get me out of bed in the morning 🤷🏻‍♀️ I absolutely love SHINee btw, are you going to see Taemin in concert? I'm going 😎

[@shineeteentop24]

@ I was so tempted!! But I blew all my money on my SKZ tickets 😭 (worth every penny) so I’m gonna have to sadly pass on Taemin this time

[@The_Binninator]

@shineeteentop24 understandable, it all costs a lot! I'm going for SKZ tickets today, let's see what happens ✨ if it's really too expensive, I'll have to make choices too 😭but if I can swing it, I'd like to see both, they're the only two groups I genuinely like a lot. I hope you have fun at the concert, the tour looks great ♥️

[@mia_1969]

14:10 Got this far and I'm in tears, crying cuz NO ONE has ever understood this about me before..... 😭

[@grizzlybear4]

Being stuck with a vicious slumlord, and constant fear of eviction... always depressing. The insane soul exhaustion has eaten my life.

[@CarmenOrtiz440]

Psychedelics definitely have potential to deal with mental health symptoms like anxiety and depression, I would like to try them again but it's just so hard to source out here

[@WalterFair130]

I’ve been researching on psychedelics and it’s benefits to individuals dealing with Anxiety, Depression, ADHD and from my findings, they really work and I’ve been eager to get some for a while but its been difficult to get my hands on them.

[@JamesFJohnson]

The Trips I've been having really helped me a lot. I’m now able to meditate and I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well

[@AnaSolano190]

I was having this constant, unbearable anxiety due to work stress. Not until I came across a very intelligent mycologist. He saved my life honestly

[@RicardoSilva12299]

​@@JamesFJohnson I feel the same way too. I put too much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels. I am also glad to be a part of this community.

[@Eddington451]

​@@AnaSolano190Does he deliver to various locations?

[@raiyates465]

8 out of 8 for me, describes the past 7 years of my life perfectly

[@maryjernigan4563]

My grandmother was my home. She died in 1989. I often feel like the nerd of my family and/or I do most things “bass ackwards”. I grieve the life I had before depression took over. I thank you for being you. Today’s video was as if you were reading my biography.

[@the-fallen-knight]

I feel so called out here. I've been aware that I probably am depressed and probably have anxiety, but there have been quite a few "signs of depression" in random YT shorts that pop up for me on occasion that isn't what I experience so I never felt concrete. But I've written so many story drafts that are fantasy and I am oddly fixated on making my stories the best that I am physically able to produce before I share them with anyone, and I get frustrated when I simply can't produce my absolute peak level of writing at that moment. It doesn't last long, but it makes me immediately stop writing from a number of hours to a whole week or more. I've been mentally tired so often and just don't have the motivation to do anything, and others (especially my sister) get mad or frustrated with me for just saying I don't want to hang out that day. I get the "achievement anesthesia" feeling for achievements, but I also get the same feeling related to other things. If people give me gifts or do something for me, I am grateful, but I don't feel any emotional reaction even though I know I should, which leads people to thinking I'm rude for my reactions to presents (I do try to make sure to outwardly react positively, though I really am no longer sure how "I should react" at this point.). I also seem to get the same feeling when it comes to love, but to a worse extent. I subconsciously love someone, like my family, but I am not consciously aware of it AT ALL. I have to go to the extent of asking myself "If they died, how would you react?" and depending on how I think I'd react would tell me if I loved them. If you were to ask me what familial love is to me, I would have to base it off of how my family shows love, not how I feel. If you were to ask me what romantic love feels like to me, I would flat out not be able to tell you basically anything even though I've dated. With the person I dated, we were friends first and they were pretty clear about liking me, so I decided to wing it even though I couldn't tell if I loved them. I figured I'd be able to notice how love feels if I was in a relationship (I was fine doing romantic things because we were already close friends and I felt comfortable trying it. I also didn't neglect them, I just went with their flow.). The result is; I didn't consciously feel it at all. The thing that made me realize that I did, in fact, love them was them cheating on me and breaking up with me because we couldn't see each other as often (at least in school) because I moved schools. Even then, the thing that affected me the most was the loss of the friendship more than the romantic relationship. I learned to smile frequently because people kept asking questions even though I genuinely felt fine at that moment, and I can't un-learn it. There are times I want to smile, but most of the time it's just a subconscious reaction with no emotion attached. I want to stop because I don't want to fake emotions I'm not feeling, but I did it for so many years that it's now no longer a conscious thing. The moment I'm around people I adjust my expression, slightly raise the pitch of my voice, and smile even if I just feel dull. If makes me feel like shit because I just always feel fake to me. There have been times where I've broken that cycle in the past and then people who know me will immediately ask questions which makes me immediately revert because I don't want to explain, nor do I know how to. I have all of these problems, yet my parents won't let me get mentally evaled, even if my sister did and she had a few mental things that were GENETIC. I need it, but I'm on their health insurance, and I've never had to do anything medical for myself, so I have no clue how to go around my parents, if I even can. I also don't want to go around them, because that would result in me being in deep shit cuz I'd end up potentially costing them money (even though they can MORE THAN afford it.).

[@MultiSenhor]

3:25 It's because the pupils constricts, if anyone is wondering. The opposite happens during Mania if you are Bipolar. I have Bipolar II that is sometimes rapid-cycling and then I can notice the difference (versus when it is a slower transition and you don't catch that something's changed). Sometimes when I'm depressed I look outside and think "uh, such a dark day, it is probably gonna rain", but then I look up and it is actually a sunny day, no clouds, no trees, no whatever blocking the sun, then it just hits me that... it is just Depression.

[@SirenaSpades]

I have bipolar II and the whole point is rare to no hypermania with depressive episodes. Never had any pupil constriction/dilation except at the eye doctor...

[@MultiSenhor]

@@SirenaSpades That's interesting. It is a common and well documented phenomenon. It may be harder to notice when the transition is slow, and it may not happen to everyone and/or not as much. It is not usually as extreme as it gets when it is artificially dilated when we go to the eye doctor, though, more like the dilation/constriction that naturally happens when we transition from a darker to a lighter area and vice-versa, or during dusk and dawn.

[@klanderkal]

Im in total distress. Lost my wife awhile ago,.... recently lost family members and friends. Then, i lost all my $ in a stock that crashed. The Stress caused me to make foolish decisions, and i lost my career job, that meant everything to me!!. Stressed overwhelmed my capacity. Caused Anxiety , insomnia and Severe depression. Im unable to accept whats happened to me. There's no moving on.! I can't do anything, or go anywhere. Anhedonia is inhumane! Loss of being able to feel pleasure and happiness. Not wanting to live. Doe's anyone else suffer like this? Unable to move, do anything, go anywhere.. just suffer every moment?

[@msblizz11]

I so feel your pain Pray, meditate and call in 10,000 angels for help. Miracles happen all the time if you don’t lose faith. The opposite of Faith is anxiety. Do you have some one you trust that you can talk to?

[@klanderkal]

@msblizz11 Thank you so much for caring about me.... I' don't have faith, it would be great if I had. I have been talking with a friend, and also 988 suicide counselors. Even a pastor has been calling me.. I'm feel so devastated... not just all that I've lost, but the guilt and regrets I have. 🥀😣

[@idaloup6721]

Hi from Paris ! Yes I feel the same. I don't know what having Faith means? The reality remains the same. I'm 50 and jobless. I have to live at my mothers flat. I feel shame and sometimes I have suicidal thoughts and just want to meet Chester Bennington and Chris Cornell whereever they are, namely I don't know.

[@klanderkal]

@idaloup6721 Hi, thanks for replying. I live on Oahu. I don't know about faith either. I don't enjoy life anymore. I have sabotaged my life so badly. My mistakes were foolish, and cannot be resolved. I lost, or quit., or gave up on things.. its like anything I love, or enjoy., or what's best for me and my life...... I ended. I've canceled all my appointments. The depression I have is unbearable. I just don't want to go on..... Hope you can get better 🫶, KaL.

[@tarajh]

​@@msblizz11- I know you mean well, but if prayers & faith was effective, there wouldn't be so many people in this position (to say nothing of all the other suffering & atrocities around the world). Believe what you want if YOU find it helpful, but please don't go around telling people that "angels" are going to suddenly decide to miraculously heal someone after allowing them to suffer unnecessarily for so long.

[@melsitler]

I've been professionally diagnosed 4 times in my life by different doctors/psychiatrists with severe depression/severe anxiety. I have all of these, but I didn't know they had terms. Thinking on these from watching this video made me realize I am actually incredibly struggling right now internally/in my life; that this is actually not normal. I'm glad to know that things can be a lot better for me. Thankfully, I have a therapist appointment next week in order to get help. Thank you for your education.

[@lenas5613]

The tiredness description is quite accurate. Thank you.

[@MrM3ch]

I've really liked a lot of your videos and i honestly never really comment on here. But i just wanted to say thank you. I could write a long essay about some of these symptoms you've described and how they pertain to me. There were a couple of "wow" moments for me when i thought, "jeez, other people feel like that too?!?". I've battled depression on and off for decades but this time it's really got me good and i haven't been able to get out this dark hole for about 18 months. My kids tell me everyday that they love me and they really mean it; my logical brain tells me I'm so lucky to have them, and it kills me that i cannot feel what they say. Keep on fighting everyone, the light really is there even if you can't see it yet. Thank you again Scott.

[@LadyMarigoldWithers]

Hang on in there, my parents tell me they love me and I know they do but I feel separate from it atm and just ‘away’. I don’t want to admit that this is happening again and I’m so tired of having no one of my own to face things with. The only love I truly feel is when my dogs see me, they just light up and it helps me so much ❤

[@momoirominto3322]

I started crying after watching this video. I felt heard and understood. Thank you for putting all these feelings into words!

[@virens3575]

Again, Dr. Eilers proves he knows exactly what he's talking about.

[@caryncaire4565]

I can relate to feeling tired, no matter how much sleep I get, the smallest activity just feels exhausting. When you talked about seeing other people as super hero’s - that completely described how I feel most days, and the tired feeling is connected because I just can’t do more than something as simple as getting up to eat because I know I am supposed to. Or only getting part of a house chore completed because I don’t seem to have the energy to finish it. In my brain or my mind, I know what I “should” do. Some how, I can’t physically make myself do those things. I struggle to keep a job because I can’t get out of bed. I know I need a job, I need money to live like the rest of the world, but I just can’t. I have often felt like I shouldn’t have left the house even if I did manage to get myself together because I have no positive feelings towards being out in the world. It just exhausts me. I do like your videos because you really know the struggle and how it feels to have depression at a real level. I find most people who don’t have it do not understand. It’s not just a sad day or feeling that you can just get over. So thank you, and I hope you continue to make these videos.

[@TurquoiseOpal]

I have never related to someone so much. 😭 it's awful. Would love to chat with someone who understands.

[@Bluebird19-ll8su]

I relate to how you feel so much, but if I didn't go to work, I'd be homeless! How do you survive fianancially without working?

[@Bellatrixzzz]

Soul deep tiredness point made me cry.... Finally someone explaining and understanding how I feel everyday. What I like and appreciate about this channel is he comes from a place of personal experience and understanding and not just a clinical point of view.

[@Lady_Simca]

I’m not sure if is in the DSM, but one symptom I usually pick up on first (when it finally hits me “oh, I’m depressed”) is this deep feeling of cold. I mean this literally. It’ll be like a deep cold in the center of my chest, and it’s completely different from any thing else I’ve felt. I also usually tend to feel colder and need more blankets when I’m in one of my depressive episodes.

[@juliablom3461]

I can relate. I know how icebergs feel !

[@shelleyamos5842]

I can also relate but where you feel cold, I feel a wide open expanse…in my chest

[@shelleyamos5842]

I also get a deep homesickness for a place I’ve never been. So strange

[@ReneeDeane]

And heat when anxioud

[@Lady_Simca]

@@ReneeDeane yes! I hate that type of heat. It’s prickly and nothing gets rid of it.