8 Oddly Specific Symptoms of Depression

The traditional clinical symptoms of depression often don't cover the full spectrum of what it feels like to experience depression or depressive episodes on a daily basis.
Today I'm diving into 8 specific symptoms of depression you won't find in the official overview - but I think they are illuminating, validating, and helpful.
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Disclaimer: This content is not intended to be a replacement for receiving treatment. It is purely educational in nature. My relationship with you is that of presenter and audience, not therapist and client.
But I do care.
00:00 Escapism and Fantasy Worlds
01:11 Soul-Deep Tiredness
03:25 Muted Colors
05:37 Angry Perfectionism
07:56 Achievement Anesthesia
12:53 Normal People Look Like Superheroes
14:58 Chronic Sense of Displacement
17:09 Addiction to Emotion-Creating Activities

[@crowpen]

the biggest one for me, and it's the worst feeling ever for me too, is a sense of "i want to go home", but you dont exactly know where "home" is. feeling homesick in your own bedroom. feeling like everything that brings you comfort is out of reach or just feels bland to you. thinking about your favorite things gives you a wave of unease in your stomach. your family and friends feel like strangers, you feel out of place, disassociated, and you constantly feel zoned out and in a dream-like state. you're aware, but you don't feel "there". its horrible.

[@annehedonia156]

This.

[@lisaa6099]

Bless you for ur work

[@vonmusel6158]

Homesick for a place you never knew. It must be Heaven

[@Singhaart]

Exactly

[@charlotterockel-kennedy8913]

You are probably a starseed ❤ I'm the same. Moving has never bothered me because I never feel anywhere is home.

[@Somusicais]

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

[@FabioPioFersini]

Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!

[@HAMZAPINE]

Yes, dr.porassss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

[@ToniMonteroroman]

I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.

[@FabioPioFersini]

Is he on instagram?

[@HAMZAPINE]

Yes he is dr.porassss.

[@juliebrady8583]

I am sometimes overwhelmed by the feeling that I want to go home. But I do not know where home is. The empty feeling is painful.

[@orborn3580]

I totally understand. I feel this way most of the time. It got much worse after my mom died. I’ve begun to wonder if all of my homesickness isn’t actually for my hometown or state but rather for a time when I was a child and felt safe in my mom’s presence. 😢

[@mrsherwood2599]

We're all going home. Don't worry.

[@oldyeller6518]

Me too

[@dariobotkuljak9673]

here is a question about it - what was your relationship with your mother? and what were conditions during her pregnancy?

[@Ikr2025]

@@orborn3580Did you EVER feel that safe though? I’m starting to wonder if I ever did.

[@danielgilleland8611]

Sometimes, a person can have those symptoms on a long-term basis while still maintaining a "functional" disposition. That is, you can still go to work, provide for your family, participate (though minimally) in "family life", etc. You can even be "self-aware" that you're in that depressed state, but you're feeling so alone that you just can't see how to break free and "wake up".

[@dianegrant3215]

So true

[@NYDaughter1972]

Yes!

[@Ikr2025]

That’s me.

[@gene108]

That’s my life. How’d you know.

[@Im_In_HIS_Grip]

✋

[@iannorton2253]

The tiredness and complete lack of energy or motivation is overwhelming. I've been experiencing the restless agitation for the past several days, but been totally unable to rest or relax. Everything Dr Eilers is saying - everything on this list - is correct and identifiable. Nobody else has ever recognised or discussed these symptoms, not even doctors, therapists or counsellors. For the first time, someone is describing my life exactly.

[@barbc7211]

I particularly relate to the specific fatigue you described….theres nothing else quite like it . Thank you for your articulation of these factors in depression ❤

[@thephddropout]

I've been there related to the agitation and fatigue. I spent about 16 years not sleeping more than 1-2 hours a night.

[@thestace7777]

@@thephddropoutI wonder if that is the same as being “tired but wired”?

[@annehedonia156]

​@@thestace7777 If tired, but wired feels absolutely miserable, then, yes.

[@charlotterockel-kennedy8913]

​@@thephddropoutI'm still like that going on 30 years 😢 started when I was 25 and now I'm 56. I have never really slept since I was born. The tiredness never used to hit me as bad as it has the past couple of years.

[@katietoole8345]

I describe the tiredness as "swimming through pudding." Everything is just soooo hard.

[@annah5507]

Lol i always use molasses or tar for my description

[@stefanjarrah7067]

Agree

[@langreeves6419]

It's weird. I would think i have physical ailment. But it's highly selective. I can exercise, i do it a lot. That takes energy. But straightening and cleaning the house....doing almost any task i supposed to do....no energy...weakness in the limbs

[@toad1971]

I remember when I realized the the song "Trapped Under Ice" by Metallica is most likely about depression - I had been listening to it my whole life but never realized until one day when it hit me - a similar sentiment to your description of depression as "swimming through pudding."

[@nharber9837]

How funny! That’s weirdly close to mine. I call it “swimming though peanut butter.”

[@deborahbasel184]

Colours being dull. During my Depressive episodes I find everything is dull. Colours, conversation, books, tv, everything.

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

Yes. A few times, I completely lost colour for a short time. It was bizarre to pretty much see the world more in black and white it was so bad.

[@kritiqal1337]

I think its a part of Anhedonia I remember starting SSRI's and noticing colours again

[@melaniemorales33]

YES!

[@VickiNikolaidis]

Chronic sense of displacement resonates with me from when I was a child.

[@1Gr8Editrix]

Too bad we can't choose our families.

[@patriciasalem3606]

I always thought this was just some kind of past life or parallel life weird phenomenon.

[@MiArtStuff]

Me 5, me too,

[@baneverything5580]

Bourdain and the others were suffering, afraid, tired, likely overwhelmed by painful anxiety, and felt like they couldn`t take it anymore. It hurts in ways "normal" people can`t imagine. I`ve set a schedule for myself to do at least this one thing every morning at the break of dawn...I take food out for a squirrel and the birds and make sure they have clean water. When I call to them several of them answer like the Cardinal pair who nest here, a woodpecker, and a little Titmouse pair. I`m slowly getting to know a pair of Doves who are beginning to trust me too. A raccoon comes in the evening if I call him. I helped a bunny during the extreme heat and drought last year, dug a puddle for the frogs who put their eggs in Bunny`s water bowl, and fed a Raccoon who was eating the bird seeds. Bunny trusts me and put her nest of babies in my vegetable garden this year. I discovered this yesterday. Ha! I`ve planted over 15 fruit trees this year...enough to share and help the wildlife when I become unable. I plan to root 50 cuttings to give away at a small local church that has a food pantry that helps me. These things are how I created purpose in my life. I was homeless before and had nothing so I enjoy helping these animals here, being friends with them, and feeling needed instead of worthless.

[@artglass00]

oh I think that is wonderful ❤️ I love animals

[@baneverything5580]

@@artglass00 I was watering my peas and okra yesterday and started seeing glimpses of "rats" scurrying around. I was spraying water on the baby bunnies. Ha! I finally saw one. They`re eating leaves on some of the peas but I`m not gonna bother them. They need to eat and get healthy and the peas are so thick the big owls around here can`t see them. Their mom knew they`d be safe there. I planted her plenty of peas around all the fruit trees and along the blackberry patch. Their leaves (various black eyed pea varieties) can be up to 40% protein and are considered an overlooked superfood. I let her eat from my garden last year because it didn`t rain for nearly six months and there was nothing else for her to eat so she knew the babies would be in the perfect spot there and the owls wouldn`t come around with me out there all the time. I had noticed her hanging around close to the garden but had no idea she had a nest in there.

[@baneverything5580]

@@artglass00 I just looked around in the pea patch and saw two of the little bunnies. They`re about 5 inches long but very plump and healthy and very nervous too. When I would talk to them they`d hop around and move the peas so that`s how I spotted them. I noticed the plants moving when I watered them for the past several days and thought it was toads in there because I saw one recently. I`m gonna have to put a bowl of water under the peas for them tonight. It has been HOT in Louisiana lately and it`s about to get even hotter. If I would have known about this I would have bought some rabbit food for babies.

[@nataliyalevashov6483]

This is the best I’ve read in the past couple of days

[@stuart3808]

This is so wholesome. ❤

[@beverlysettle8235]

I notice that it sometimes feels like I lost time. like suddenly I will look around and see that dishes have piled up, laundry has piled up, nothing has gotten cleaned, and I become acutely aware and am able to get these things done and have an overwhelming feeling that a lot of time elapsed and I was functioning, but was unaware of how minimal the basis of my functioning was…like I don’t even recall how I got from A to B each day.

[@PaigeSquared]

I notice this too!! More often when I ruminate.

[@PaigeSquared]

I think I might just really stand there and ruminate, and because it is so distressing/my mind feels compelled/preoccupied almost obsessive over it. That's when I know I have to be strict about my thoughts, when I feel the compulsion and I can't choose to follow my schedule. Routines help. I have a whiteboard chore/schedule list that helps me keep track of things so they're not gross.

[@Sufferfish]

Are you on anti depressants?

[@hedgiegal3340]

I have this, too!

[@narelleworks8448]

I wonder if I would be videotaped and it would prove exactly how slowly I move. I can’t account for the loss of or slowness of time. Yet other times time has vanished.

[@GUILTY-Pleasures777]

The most heartbreaking & shocking experience is seeing pictures of you from the past when you were a "normal " person with a "healthy" smile and the light in your eyes was still there...

[@rugeramerican308]

Same.. i have this beautiful photo of my boyfriend and I from our third date (went hiking) but I cant stand to look at it. It makes me sick.

[@afireinhearts1302]

Yes 💯💔 & I have days I cannot look at my face in the mirror bc of this.

[@micahmiller4]

Oh my goodness Yes! I have been looking at photos so much latley wishing with all that I am I could just go back. I am usually someone who looks to the future. Wishing you the best and hope you find your way to be happy again.

[@GUILTY-Pleasures777]

@@micahmiller4 thank you so much 💓 I'm working on this Greetings from Romania! Take care

[@yesterdayitrained]

I look back at those pictures, wondering where she went, who she was, knowing she (the she I was) is gone and will never come back. I’ve accepted that, and it’s OK- but not easy.

[@veramae4098]

I'm 71. I've had my own fantasy going since about 9 years of age. Oh yeah, and I lay on the couch about 3 hours ever day, just not doing anything.

[@Leeonrf]

"...if this person mentored me ..." In my youth, there was a time that i was so lost i would literally wander around the streets of my city in the hopes i would stumble into a Mr.Miyagi figure to give me direction in life

[@melinaalba63]

To me, its actually my bed that makes me addicted. And it honestly feels like an addiction. I was addicted to drugs so i know what it feels like and everything in my mind and body centers around "when will i be back in my bed". Its honestly a lot more harmful than it might sound but everything i do, where I'm not in bed, feels wrong. It feels like just a step that is neccessary for me to then end up in my bed as fast as possible.

[@Ford_prefect_42]

Holy cow I feel this so hard

[@MHBTNO]

This „normal people resemble super heroes“ is so true. I had some pretty dark times with depression and was always wondering how everyone else lived their lives. Just get up and get on with things? But how?

[@beverlysettle8235]

I am in this place too, where I will look at people going from here to there and driving and walking and shopping and conversing…and all the while thinking how do they do all of this? It’s so overwhelming! I go to work and come home and collapse from the weight of just making it thru another day. And having my boss say it is so good to just see you here, and looking at her and thinking why are you saying that? Why would you possibly want to have me around?

[@alicepirola7077]

I totally feel this. My husband is neurotypical and he amazes me. "Normal" people = so jealous. How the heck?😢

[@MHBTNO]

@@beverlysettle8235 I am better now with this comparison thing. But it took me years to understand that I have to do things my way and just ignore the others. There are multiple ways to get things done. Just have to find your way.

[@MHBTNO]

@@alicepirola7077 Comparing yourself to neurotypical people just leads to disappointment in your own abilities. Find your own way of doing things and let the neurotypicals just be. And if someone asks why you are doing it like this, just say: because I can.

[@linmonPIE]

This one hit deep. The other day I was watching The Hunchback of Notre Dame and I started weeping when Quasi sang “Out There”. The whole damn song is so relatable but especially “Out there among the millers and the weavers and their wives Through the roofs and gables I can see them Every day they shout and scold and go about their lives Heedless of the gift it is to be them If I was in their skin I'd treasure every instant”

[@IamHisHeismine]

Does anyone else find that being mistreated or even abused, amplifies and worsen depression symptoms?

[@joannasunday]

Absolutely

[@slothochdonut3099]

That's so logically true

[@NoComment374]

Being misunderstood or misperceived, too - All send the message that 'X' doesn't care about me.

[@la6136]

I mean of course it does….. what else?

[@QRMito]

The sad is thing is no one is hearing you and dismisses your feelings and saying you just need to be positive. What I most feel is to be ignored, and I feel like yelling and not being heard. You are describing exactly what I am going through.

[@katblehm2119]

The sad truth is no one IS listening. No one listens to me, so I’ve gone silent. People are so distracted by so much now, if you even try to start a conversation with many or most of them, they listen for like maybe one minute. …then they’re off on their own tangent or scrolling on their phone. As a matter of fact, I’m not just silent with them, I’ve literally extricated myself from them. I see my adult son on a regular basis as he lives with me. He listens and he also talks. Other than that, and the occasional interaction on social media -like this- I stay quiet. 🤔🫤

[@patriciasalem3606]

OMG, the "stop the negative thinking" nonsense. Or "you just need to practice gratitude." Makes me want to scream.

[@NYDaughter1972]

I always get "Maybe it's the weather".

[@resterreese3341]

@@katblehm2119 Exactly my experience on trying to speak out to my father about my issues. Its hard to listen to him keep on berating me to "learn how to communicate" when everytime I try to speak, He deny, reject, demean or belittle my feelings.

[@gene108]

I’ve concluded that people who haven’t been clinically depressed or had other mental health issues just cannot relate. They may want to be supportive, but they do not know how. I stopped talking about what I’m feeling a long time ago with people. It doesn’t help. One thing I’ve noticed is when I want to talk about a problem, the other person wants to offer solutions. I don’t want solutions. I want someone to listen to me, and may be reassure me. Just sit there and listen. I don’t want advice.

[@glendahunt8013]

Sadly, I feel nothing when friends or family tell me that I'm important to them. It doesn't matter to me -- I don't believe them anyway. I wish it did; I wish I could.

[@slothochdonut3099]

I feel so sad for you, and for myself

[@Lucas99927]

The piece about watching people drive past in cars and looking at them with awe hits hard. Like where and what and how are all these people doing it.

[@homuraakemi9556]

I remember staring out my apartment window and very distinctly asking that exact question one day

[@Ford_prefect_42]

I have friends that can do 2 things in a day... Like work and go to dinner. Or laundry and shopping. And I can't imagine what that's like

[@ErroneousTheory]

Yeah, I get so incredibly tired and unmotivated and wish others could really understand. I'm not sad, not lazy, and not ungrateful.

[@tarajh]

I hear and understand you. Your tiredness is not your fault and your feelings are valid.

[@jessalfan24]

Right around 6 months ago, I was in my bedroom crying and I literally said out loud, “I want to go home.”, and it actually kind of surprised me. It was confusing. Since then, I’ve had that feeling a lot. I had never heard anyone else say this (in this context) nor did I completely understand it. This is so validating. Thank you.

[@sanelpierre3686]

Achievement Anesthesia, the dullness of life, not wanting to participate in fickle conversations...all of it...finally a voice which so eloquently describes the torment

[@klanderkal]

Im in total distress. Lost my wife awhile ago,.... recently lost family members and friends. Then, i lost all my $ in a stock that crashed. The Stress caused me to make foolish decisions, and i lost my career job, that meant everything to me!!. Stressed overwhelmed my capacity. Caused Anxiety , insomnia and Severe depression. Im unable to accept whats happened to me. There's no moving on.! I can't do anything, or go anywhere. Anhedonia is inhumane! Loss of being able to feel pleasure and happiness. Not wanting to live. Doe's anyone else suffer like this? Unable to move, do anything, go anywhere.. just suffer every moment?

[@msblizz11]

I so feel your pain Pray, meditate and call in 10,000 angels for help. Miracles happen all the time if you don’t lose faith. The opposite of Faith is anxiety. Do you have some one you trust that you can talk to?

[@klanderkal]

@msblizz11 Thank you so much for caring about me.... I' don't have faith, it would be great if I had. I have been talking with a friend, and also 988 suicide counselors. Even a pastor has been calling me.. I'm feel so devastated... not just all that I've lost, but the guilt and regrets I have. 🥀😣

[@idaloup6721]

Hi from Paris ! Yes I feel the same. I don't know what having Faith means? The reality remains the same. I'm 50 and jobless. I have to live at my mothers flat. I feel shame and sometimes I have suicidal thoughts and just want to meet Chester Bennington and Chris Cornell whereever they are, namely I don't know.

[@klanderkal]

@idaloup6721 Hi, thanks for replying. I live on Oahu. I don't know about faith either. I don't enjoy life anymore. I have sabotaged my life so badly. My mistakes were foolish, and cannot be resolved. I lost, or quit., or gave up on things.. its like anything I love, or enjoy., or what's best for me and my life...... I ended. I've canceled all my appointments. The depression I have is unbearable. I just don't want to go on..... Hope you can get better 🫶, KaL.

[@tarajh]

​@@msblizz11- I know you mean well, but if prayers & faith was effective, there wouldn't be so many people in this position (to say nothing of all the other suffering & atrocities around the world). Believe what you want if YOU find it helpful, but please don't go around telling people that "angels" are going to suddenly decide to miraculously heal someone after allowing them to suffer unnecessarily for so long.

[@katblehm2119]

The chronic displacement has been mine all my life. I never felt connected to my blood relatives; they’re not in my life now. My favorite brother died in 2016 😓 …I’ve done so much throughout my life to find my ‘tribe’. I did find it with my third husband… we had the most amazing life together for 18 years. He passed over 9 years ago 😥 and since then I’ve been severely lost. I’ve joined different groups with my interests which appealed to me, but still… this experience of being disconnected lives on. The lack of connection to others is literally destroying me. 😞

[@hushhush85]

I'm so sorry 😟

[@michelem189]

All of these *should* be in the DSM. You just described my life -- and the lives of others I know with MDD.

[@MrM3ch]

I've really liked a lot of your videos and i honestly never really comment on here. But i just wanted to say thank you. I could write a long essay about some of these symptoms you've described and how they pertain to me. There were a couple of "wow" moments for me when i thought, "jeez, other people feel like that too?!?". I've battled depression on and off for decades but this time it's really got me good and i haven't been able to get out this dark hole for about 18 months. My kids tell me everyday that they love me and they really mean it; my logical brain tells me I'm so lucky to have them, and it kills me that i cannot feel what they say. Keep on fighting everyone, the light really is there even if you can't see it yet. Thank you again Scott.

[@LadyMarigoldWithers]

Hang on in there, my parents tell me they love me and I know they do but I feel separate from it atm and just ‘away’. I don’t want to admit that this is happening again and I’m so tired of having no one of my own to face things with. The only love I truly feel is when my dogs see me, they just light up and it helps me so much ❤

[@YerMother6704]

What you described sounds exactly like my life. I'm in my twenties now, and I feel like no matter what I do, I will always feel this way. I've had dreams and goals since I was a kid because I thought accomplishments would change how I felt about life. But I can't remember a time where I felt a sense of achievement, even though I had high grades and received a lot of praise for my creative skills as a kid. I didn't even consider that this could be a symptom of depression. I've never understood why people say they feel good when they get something done, like a weight has been lifted off their shoulders. I have a hard time even imagining what that feels like. The weight is always there no matter what gets done. I feel like everything I accomplish is not to feel good, but to avoid judgement. I don't want to be seen as less capable, or lazy, or stupid. I want to fit in and function like a normal person, but I don't, even if it looks that way from the outside. Everything is so tiring, and a lot of things I should be doing on a regular basis get pushed aside or done at the last minute. Most of the time I ignore the things I have to do and find ways to escape from reality. I wish I could talk to someone about it, but nobody has ever taken me seriously. I don't think anyone really cares unless you tell them you want to end things, and I'm not to that point, though I think about it more than I would like to. I'm just so tired. I've felt for a long time like I don't have the energy to go on, yet somehow I'm still here.

[@Nicole-xo7sj]

Completely agree on all points. I had to break up with a therapist who thought I was odd for mentioning these things. I found it hard to believe I was the only one with these thoughts when depressed.

[@MultiSenhor]

3:25 It's because the pupils constricts, if anyone is wondering. The opposite happens during Mania if you are Bipolar. I have Bipolar II that is sometimes rapid-cycling and the I can notice the difference (versus when it is a slower transition and you don't catch that something's changed). Sometimes when I'm depressed I look outside and think "uh, such a dark day, it is probably gonna rain", but then I look up and it is actually a sunny day, no clouds, no trees, no whatever blocking the sun, then it just hits me that... it is just Depression.

[@cerulean93]

I feel just blown away right now with how deeply all of these describe my experience. I half want to cry because it's so rare to feel so understood (even as just a viewer of this video) and half because I'm at a point today where I can perceive how disordered so much of my life has been. I almost went through the process of trying to get a chronic fatigue diagnosis earlier this year, for example, and yet right now when my mood is stable I'm not overtired at all.

[@grizzlybear4]

Being stuck with a vicious slumlord, and constant fear of eviction... always depressing. The insane soul exhaustion has eaten my life.

[@judisterlynn7896]

I am currently experiencing a majority of these, so this is depression. I thought I was going insane! Thank you so much, for explaining this!

[@TheSteveBoyd]

Looking through the comments, I'm absolutely *floored* by how many of them could have been written by me! I've gone through most of my life feeling like I had a special personality disorder called "Steve Syndrome", and here I discover that so many are suffering through the same kinds of experiences! *Why* don't our shrinks listen to us? How does a man go through 40 years of depression and anxiety; through countless doctors & therapists without *any* of them really understanding what is going on? 😰

[@_Fluorescent_]

This is so true. I’m 41 and I kinda have come to the conclusion that I just have to exist this way. I try to be grateful for the good in life, and I know there are people who have much harder lives than I do. Nobody really gets it or hears it, at least outside of the internet. I wonder if some of these professionals that are supposed to help us perhaps rely too much on the textbook way of addressing these ailments. It’s much more nuanced and complicated than any textbook makes it out to be.

[@janicesitzes241]

Just knowing I am not the only one going through this. You are putting a name to what I have been struggling with.

[@erikcain9596]

The “tiredness in your soul” resonates with me so much. During those moments, everything feels like it takes 10x the effort for .1x the reward. I call it the “swimming in peanut butter” feeling.

[@rosiepone]

definitely feeling the spiritual level of tiredness, you wake up and feel just as tired as you went to sleep, food just feeds your body but doesn't help, caffeine will amp up the brain but it won't get rid of the tiredness, nothing seems as enjoyable, and you kinda feel invisible, even if people greet you and talk to you

[@lenas5613]

The tiredness description is quite accurate. Thank you.

[@gregoryknight2928]

The sense of displacement resonates with me. Particularly being in the wrong time period.

[@DanielBjorndahl]

I belonged to a time that has past, to which I doubt society will return anytime time

[@irenegriffin3050]

I recognize a lot of these! Anhedonia is still my biggest issue. I just have such a hard time wanting to go and do anything! Music has always been my love and passion so I would go to a lot of shows. I stopped caring about going to those as well. I'm still obsessed with music (music is life for me) so it's not like I "outgrew" it. But the thought of having to try to get ready and go out makes me so incredibly anxious and it's exhausting. So I don't go. I met many of my friends due to that scene so I'm sure a lot of them think I'm just not interested in them anymore, but I just don't have the energy to go out. I've also let myself go a lot. Just stopped caring about my health, my appearance, everything. And I totally understand the seeing people go out and about having fun, doing stuff and I can't understand how that's possible! It's like why can't I do that?? Some of the last times I went to my favorite place in the world, Mackinac Island here in Michigan, I barely felt anything. Now it's been years since I've even gone. Then thanks to social media I get to see my sisters in law who strive to fit into that "perfect mom/woman" and the perfect parties they throw for their kids (but humble brag that they toned it down that year). Enter anger and much disgust! It's weird cause I still have all of that but mood wise that's a bit better. Like my mood isn't really low like it was for a long time. I know there's a difference cause the SI has for the most part gone away. For a long time (years!) that was a daily, all day thing. So that's a positive at least! My therapist and doctor know about all of this and one of the most frustrating thing I hear is the "gratitude" solution they believe is the magic fix. I am grateful for what I have and I know I'm very lucky in many ways. But for some reason it still doesn't stop the exhaustion, lack of motivation, lack of care and the other thing you mentioned, everything being so "dull". Well, at least it's good to know that some of these feelings are all part of depression and anxiety. Thanks for all of your informative videos, it really does help to know and understand more about what is going on in my brain.

[@eacomedy]

I really appreciate that you don't edit your speech tone/timing in these videos. The trend of editing all silences, pauses and "breaks" in videos or having another part start before one part is all the way done has been making me feel REALLY UNREAL lately. It totally exacerbates my sense that i no longer belong in this world/millennium.

[@cooliohoolio30]

💗💗💗 i resonate with this so much

[@linmonPIE]

Thank you for mentioning this. I wasn’t aware people were doing this. I was listening to a podcast last night and was just in awe of how fast they were talking about complicated subjects without any “ums” “uhs” or pauses. I even had to slow it down so I could digest what they were saying. Made me feel pretty stupid TBH. I thought if I ever had to talk to them I’d sound like I had an IQ of about 25 with how long it takes me to put my thoughts together coherently.

[@eacomedy]

@@linmonPIE it can be really jarring esp when you already may face challenges, like many of us, with distinguishing reality from unreality!

[@raiyates465]

8 out of 8 for me, describes the past 7 years of my life perfectly

[@bobc4d]

1 - fantasy world - check 2- soul crushing tiredness - check 4 - angry perfectionism - check 5 - achievement amnesia - check 6 - normal people are viewed as superheroes - check 7 - sense of being out of place in todays world/society - check 8 - emotion creating activities - check out of all these I probably feel most in tune with 1 and 7. Like your friend I feel connected to Japan. my way feeling of fanatical loyalty to a friend is out of fashion in todays "me first" world. there is far more to it but not something for an open forum like youtube. I do experience all of these expect to a degree expect subdued color (4)

[@Sufferfish]

I commented as well that #1 and #7 apply to me the most currently >interesting

[@EEMASProductions]

All of the above but the angry perfectionism really hits home. I've experienced it both at work and with my hobby. At work I would snap at people for the smallest mistakes and with my hobby I could not finish anything and would be so angry at myself, desperate for a win that would never come because I wouldn't let it. If I finished something and it wasn't perfect I saw it as a waste of time, not even congratulating myself for this small achievement as I should have.

[@toad1971]

"Normal people look like superheros" - never heard anyone say this out loud. I have always felt this way most of my life. But it was more like this: "these people literally know something that I for some reason don't know - some secret knowledge that allows them to have success that I just do not have in my core and nobody has ever told me." Instead of looking at cars I would look at nice houses, and think "wow so many successful people that have it together - how is this possible that so many people can keep their life together and have consistent success to maintain a nice home? It is so hard for me just to even get up and get through the day." Being middle aged, I don't feel quite this way like I used to because I have had some life journeys and success of my own but I used to feel this way all the time.

[@desvalie3990]

One thing really struck me about this. My family culture was depressed too- achievements not always celebrated or overshadowed by crisisis or problems, birthday parties put off, etc. This video was really helpful- thank you.

[@mihaelamcrae8770]

This sounds familiar and I have been perfectly aware of these manifestations. It doesn't prevent me from functioning most times, it just makes it exhausting and makes me feel resentful

[@kaydoherty3090]

You described my tiredness perfectly I'm a74 widowed of 3years after 52 years marriage suddenly on my own medication has been changed a number of times just don't want just want to go bed and not get up 😢

[@Philanthropyuae]

I’m sorry for your loss May he Rest In Peace I hope you start to feel better soon💕

[@TheYellowrose21]

Understand completely. Lost my DH little over year ago. Feelings hard to explain. Food doesn’t even taste the same as I remembered.

[@valaraukariel]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. If you're able, please consider finding or leaning into a community. (Exercise-based club, social club, volunteer, religion, etc.) You deserve to have happiness ❤

[@MelModica]

I’m so sorry for your loss. My nephew was only 22 and passed away in 2022, I prayed to God to send me signs that my nephew is ok and lives on somewhere and I got multiple signs. There is a book called E-Squared by Pam Grout that’s helps you connect to God/the universe and spirit. I have recommended this book to so many people because it has changed my life.

[@maureencameron4120]

I can relate to so many of these... The fatigue, the achievement anesthesia, normal people looking like superheroes, being addicted to anything that creates emotion, even if it's negative emotion.... I honestly feel like I missed out on "How to do life 101" and everyone else passed with flying colours.

[@tmlopez7227]

You described me

[@virens3575]

Again, Dr. Eilers proves he knows exactly what he's talking about.

[@RedikM]

I hit all 8.. man its hard but I'm challenging myself everyday.... I used to be a in vegetable state for a very long time but I'm making progress.

[@caryncaire4565]

I can relate to feeling tired, no matter how much sleep I get, the smallest activity just feels exhausting. When you talked about seeing other people as super hero’s - that completely described how I feel most days, and the tired feeling is connected because I just can’t do more than something as simple as getting up to eat because I know I am supposed to. Or only getting part of a house chore completed because I don’t seem to have the energy to finish it. In my brain or my mind, I know what I “should” do. Some how, I can’t physically make myself do those things. I struggle to keep a job because I can’t get out of bed. I know I need a job, I need money to live like the rest of the world, but I just can’t. I have often felt like I shouldn’t have left the house even if I did manage to get myself together because I have no positive feelings towards being out in the world. It just exhausts me. I do like your videos because you really know the struggle and how it feels to have depression at a real level. I find most people who don’t have it do not understand. It’s not just a sad day or feeling that you can just get over. So thank you, and I hope you continue to make these videos.

[@coltthestarsheriff3544]

I never had color blindness symptom until my mother died last year. The following summer looked like everything but summer.

[@coltthestarsheriff3544]

Also the anger about myself syndrome.

[@alphadog3384]

Sorry for your lost.

[@SallyBowles5050]

This happened to me as well when I lost my father. I thought it was my imagination at first. Everything was dull and yellowish like an old newspaper. Very strange…

[@coltthestarsheriff3544]

​​@@SallyBowles5050yeah, I can imagine. It wasn't back to normal before mid September in my case. Colors, that is. And all that after initial shock when you can barely talk or walk, and your stomach hurts like you have been exercising.

[@coltthestarsheriff3544]

​@@alphadog3384thank you.

[@Dontstopbelievingman]

When I was a child I noticed things becoming grey, like a haze in the air no one else could see. I also noticed that things got claustrophobic. Walls closing in was something that happened a lot, the house felt tight around me so there was nowhere to escape to. And muted sound, not hearing people when they spoke, music didn't have the same depth. You know in vampire books they describe seeing and hearing things so vividly after they turn? The moments it all lifted briefly were like that. Pure joy, like being reborn and seeing things for the first time. Feeling superhuman because now you had enough energy to laugh and run. And think clearly. Only for it to lapse back into the dullness so long those moments felt like a dream of another time.

[@ChristineKikiMac]

The restlessness is a sneaky one because in the moments, it's tough to identify. I force myself to walk my dog around the block just to "stretch" my restlessness. Not feeling like I belong is familiar also. Like I am vacillating between my past life (I am a retired adult entertainer) and current thoughts and behaviors. Also, I am always asking my therapist, "Is this normal?" because my upbringing was anything but. Labels help me a lot - to identify my WHY. Your videos are great. Thank you for taking the time to educate and share with us.

[@thephddropout]

This comment is exactly what I told my therapist this morning before seeing this video. "I'm trying to put my past to bed so I can live in the present and take actions for a secure and happy future. But I'm stuck."

[@darlingdior]

This is why I play video games. I've been depressed for years and the longer I wait, the worse it gets. Everyone else can move on but I cant :(

[@ResinEssenceByCheri]

Me too 😢

[@Sufferfish]

Please try a new hobbie, outlet . Anything. Even if it's not enjoyable at first. Take a half hour or a specific time in your day to do that thing that's not a video game. I know it's hard but it really helps. It could be as simple as drawing a picture, reading one chapter of a book, going for a quick walk

[@darlingdior]

@@Sufferfish I want to but I never start. But I will try the shorter amount of time like you said soon!! I lost all my creativity when I became depressed but I'd like to revisit the outlets I used to enjoy as a young adult like drawing, painting, sewing etc.

[@horsnpony365]

Same. And good advice to try and do one small thing for a short while every day. Our spiral has been going for a few years. Therapist we worked well with retired. Then we moved to a new state during Covid. Never built a new community, and don’t know the area at all. Therapists here don’t accept complex cases. Had some serious physical setbacks. I’ve lost my creativity, my art, my writing, gardening. Just no energy for it. My addiction is that I’m trapped in audiobooks. I can listen all day. No problem at all. I have other things that I need to do and just can’t focus on it. Exhausted all the time. I’ve tried everything. Even when I shut the book off and try to get motivated to get important things done, I divert to cleaning or washing clothes. aka “mindless tasks” that allow plenty of space for dissociation. I have made a list of things to do. Try and get one thing done, set a timer on the phone….task doesn’t typically even get started. Something else distracting pops up. By the end of the day. Beat yourself up for failing to do even one baby step towards a goal … Tell yourself tomorrow is a new opportunity and a fresh start. Do nothing the next day. Worse, my husband is definitely depressed based on this video too.

[@Chloe7270]

I don't have achievements or accomplishments. I have depression. That's all I get.

[@juliekoszelak9918]

It's very debilitating. Worse than a physical injury. I hope this lifts for you soon. I think that when I reach out to help others, it gives me purpose and joy. That's a start.

[@ann18o96]

A tired soul! As bad as that sounds, yes that is exactly my issue. For me though, coffee makes me feel a little better. It's like the only good thing of a bad day. Too much can cause anxiety tho, I experienced that too. Objectively, my life isn't bad and the people and struggles that brought me depression are gone. But my mind is like stuck in the bad stuff, not moving, frozen in time.

[@patriciasalem3606]

There's a movie with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan called Joe Versus the Volcano, where Ryan's character calls it being "soul sick." That has stuck with me over the decades.

[@Lady_Simca]

I’m not sure if is in the DSM, but one symptom I usually pick up on first (when it finally hits me “oh, I’m depressed”) is this deep feeling of cold. I mean this literally. It’ll be like a deep cold in the center of my chest, and it’s completely different from any thing else I’ve felt. I also usually tend to feel colder and need more blankets when I’m in one of my depressive episodes.

[@juliablom3461]

I can relate. I know how icebergs feel !

[@shelleyamos5842]

I can also relate but where you feel cold, I feel a wide open expanse…in my chest

[@shelleyamos5842]

I also get a deep homesickness for a place I’ve never been. So strange

[@hayesjulie]

I feel like the center of my being is being pulled down to the earth and I am empty.

[@klanderkal]

I feel that way... I wasn't like this before. Too much tragedy, trauma, and terrible losses... had a very bad affect on my mental health. And. I just lost it. I have severe depression now , It's like my life ended already,

[@user-df5qs9lr9v]

When I am lost in my mind, I remind myself of the saying that someone said to me one time. And I've had the opportunity to see this saying to many many people and I hope this helps you as much as it has helped me.. "YOU WILL NEVER KNOW THE END OF THE ROAD WHILE YOU'RE TRAVELING IT". PEACE WITHIN......

[@user-xh3qw7kb1t]

Iwatched your videos,and I went for medical help,now my life go back to normal,I just can't express my appreciation in english enough,THANK YOU!!

[@pilgrimspromise1132]

I don't know if you read comments on your videos, but one thing I would love to hear you talk about is neglecting your body as a form of covert self-harm. It was a big realization moment for me when I found out that my poor sleeping habit was not just a symptom and side effect of depression but was functionally a form of self-harm similar to cutting or binging, it was simply a way for me to harm myself and subtly Express self hatred

[@klanderkal]

That's so interesting.. what you've said. I have horrible Insomnia.. I have severe depression, and suffer terribly. I have depression because of foolish mistakes and decisions I made, that altered my life forever and devastated me. I've had so much guilt, regret and I self blame. Just living is horrible for me.

[@rhianndarroch4228]

In my experience, I have gotten a lot of these lately daily. I used to be able to crawl out of the black hole. It seems impossible right now. I also feel like I'm just existing and not living for very long periods of my life. Like I want to live now, but I never used to. But that way of living is coming back to me. I go day to day doing my usual routine, but everything just seems more bleak. I guess that is part of the anhedonia. Like I am more of a robot rather than a person. Thank God we have someone like you in our lives to explain what we feel but can't put it into words. Much appreciated, Dr. Scott bless you ❤🙏

[@angelamariaortizvalencia4173]

I love how honest you are when you talk from your experience. That feeling of being "ungrateful" it's just so overwhelming because it makes you feel guilty and people don't really understand what's beyond that feeling. Thank you for making me feel understood 🙏🏽

[@Nyt250]

I actually had most of these when I was severely depressed. Slowly getting better now though but yea, it's crazy that these symptoms aren't talked about enough. Depression is not just about being sad or having no energy, these more odd things matter too

[@elin_]

I always look at "normal" people and wonder how they are able to deal with everything. I can't even work a damn part time job... I hate my brain so much!

[@user-fp4tr9sp5i]

You get it. That simple. I appreciate you and your videos so much. I have had so many lightbulb moments enjoying your videos. I'm 62 and have dealt with mental issues most of my life. Caring and truly informative information can be hard to come by in today's Healthcare system.

[@art_krisis]

The color blindness is something I never noticed before but is so true. I’ve been a burnt out artist and the year of artwork I’ve made before taking a break was grayer, bluer, and more muted than my previously bright and vibrant colors that I was known for. I already knew I chose those colors because that’s how I saw life, but I never linked that my depression made me see life in this way. It was exaggerated in my artwork, and makes total sense now!

[@srothmissouri61]

I was diagnosed with clinical depressive disorder shortly after TBI. Both changed the person I was. Been 10yrs Doc and i don’t remember what happiness felt like.

[@daniellejones6339]

😢

[@mrninjagamer9434]

Number 6 really resonates with me. I see my friends my age (21) all starting careers, going out on the weekends and even simple things like drinking coffee in the city are all things i can’t even fathom to do anymore, and the fact they can all do it without a second thought blows my mind

[@jimyoung3571]

Wow he nails so many things I experience! I've never told my therapist these things cuz I thought this stuff was normal, well kinda lol

[@lynettehansen2203]

I’m both frightened and relieved at the same time. I am or have experienced all of these! I’m already taking steps for helping my depression but it is a relief to hear that some of the things I go through are unusual but not uncommon.

[@zenfan1098]

I just want someone to love and someone to love me and help me, I'm lost and 60 years old, my significant other doesn't care anymore, he's has no interest anymore, i do everything around the house and yard with no help, its exhausting and miserable making me physically ill, My brain is on overdrive constantly, thanks for reading and listening , blessings too all❤

[@sl4983]

How to overcome revenge bedtime procrastination

[@msblizz11]

The friend that feels like he should be in Japan probably had a last past life in Japan? Just my theory 🤔 As far as normal people feeling like hero’s? Jan 2013 my depression episode was so bad I could not understand how people were able to go to work and function? I kept saying to myself… How are they doing that? I thought the News castors were super hero’s just because they were functioning. I could not believe I used to actually work myself? I was 7 months in bed and had to retire due to it. I had no idea I was even dealing with a depression episode due to menopause and lack of hormones? Went to every kind of doctor for help and no one knew what was wrong with me? Thank you for teaching me the difference between depression that I was born with and an episode … both are debilitating and I find amino acids and working out to be the most helpful. You so Rock! Know you chose this life to be exactly who you are! A real super hero teacher ❤ Hang in there for all of us!

[@ahamoment3626]

We have to constantly remember that we will not find peace when everything falls into place, but instead everything will fall into place when we have peace.

[@slothochdonut3099]

Wow this is so enlightening

[@jhod555]

A video game owned me this year, and my elven vampire boyfriend in it (so now you know the game) was my distraction from my life and my relationship. It absolutely owned me, and taught me what I was missing in my life. ....a lot. a great deal. 40 years of depression is finally grinding me down to the nub.

[@DrScottEilers]

I think BG3 had that effect on a lot of people

[@rachelturner8286]

Your explanation of the perception of “everyone else” is spot on, relatable. And displacement -I experienced this a lot as a child and young adult. I thought I was born in the wrong century. I also remember believing that I didn’t belong on Earth.

[@bmarch9897]

Scott, this is not going to be an amazing comment. I turned on your video about the "freeze response" because today I am paralyzed by an accumulation of purposely neglected demands wrt taking care of every aspect of my life. Your antidote is beginning to work, if only a bit, as I am actually writing this. Yet my genuine motivation to comment was geographical. I feel a connection with you because I grew up in Cedar Rapids on Country Club Pkwy and miss that exalted version of "Mayberry" (Andy Griffith). I have lived in Upstate New York after college...some 45 years. But Cedar Rapids will always be my home in my heart. Nothing in New York can compete with the monkey house at Beaver Park, the farms outside city limits, the big sky, and the pervasive value of honesty . You are so lucky to be there.

[@resterreese3341]

Had a fallout with my father due to my depressive moment at home, your video comes out in the perfect moment. Going to share this video to him to try to communicate on how I feel inside. I had difficulty on trying to communicate my issue and he got impatient and blasted me with the typical comments like "you don't know hard life", "You are lucky to have what you have now that I don't have when I was your age.", "You are spoiled", "You are trying to play emotion politics in my house". Highlight of our fight is when he says "You are not needed". My brain just stops and the word "Stop trying" just keep echoing in my brain. Finger Crossed on how he responds. Update: It works.

[@nobo2979]

FSA, Family Scapegoating Abuse. It's real and I'm living through it. Learning all I can. Wish you well.❤

[@angelzzgamer]

Wow, this video described my life during the pandemic and even now sometimes. I remember I was addicted to shows and movies during that time because they showed me everything I wanted to have. While I do feel much better in recent years I definitely still struggle but I think the struggle never really ends. How we cope with it/our relationship with it changes.

[@stephenbeck6410]

Wow! I sat here watching this video and felt like you were talking directly to me. All 8 points hit right on the nose.

[@BuckySwang]

Emotion creating activities - this is very insightful. I realized this is why I like watching "reaction" videos. You know - watching OTHER PEOPLE watch tv shows, movies, or listen to songs for the first time, that kind of thing. I like it because, for a brief moment, I feel what they're feeling.

[@psynurse]

just started watching your videos a week ago and you have a way of looking at psych that I haven't heard of in the decades I've worked the field. Instead of a lot of psychobabble your experiences brings a new prospective to me. You bring it to a level anyone can understand and or relate to. Each video has hit home with me , especially this one.

[@pippacarron1861]

What an excellent expose of all those symptoms that those of us with acute/chronic depression suffer, but have never had them explained so clearly. Thanks

[@tomburns7544]

Thanks, Dr. Eilers! Almost every symptom you talked about (aside from the muted colours symptom) I have or have had. I am so glad someone is shining a spotlight on this - especially all in one concise video.

[@dmtdreamz7706]

The psychotic drowns in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight.

[@Smark71920]

Literally just said this today to someone. That I feel like I’m living someone else’s life and somehow mine was mixed up with someone else’s. And certain places and people feel home and like I should be there but I can’t get there.

[@malcoss]

Absolutely spot on mate I’ve struggled with major depression for 20 years.. beer, youtube documentaries and semi drunk walks out in nature are my escape

[@yellow_jacket3260]

The comment on how you say, that you never feel you ever really accomplish anything, is super true to me, just recently I got an internship to a probation clinic, and I really should feel a lot happier because I got that opportunity but I just feel nothing. It is evidence that one good thing has happened recently, but I just feel nothing when it comes towards it, and I feel like I am broken in some way

[@gene108]

I have experienced or am experiencing 7/8. I’ve never seen colors muted. I’d combine #1 and #7. For me, my “fantasy” world is imagining the life I could have had or more precisely the life I wanted had I made better decisions on my part and better decisions from those close to me. More than anything, I wish I had the epiphany Dr. Scott had in his 20’s, rather than letting my depression takeover. I’m fifty. I just want to make it to retirement in the next 12 to 15 years and not have to continue struggling with things “normal” people do seemingly on an instinctive level.

[@christineheminger7762]

I vaguely remember a clip from a movie (whose title I also don’t remember) about feeling like there’s something you’re supposed to do that’s horribly important and you have to do it-if only the noise of the world would just stop so that you could remember what it is. That hit me so hard that I saved the clip on video tape (can’t find it now).

[@KathleenRenninger]

Thank you for your coverage of these less-talked about symptoms. I related to several, especially to the one on addiction. You were so on-target with it, saying that the source can be a hobby, a person-----whatever makes you feel good when nothing else does. The way you explained it brought me a sense of relief because I finally understood my own behavior.

[@KB-lw3eq]

You’re so spot on. No one has ever described things the way you do. Thank you

[@AnnaB22]

This is the realest conversation ever. Thank you for discussing these symptoms, which are so prevalent in my life. Tiredness, Achievement Anesthesia, Normal People Looking Like Superheroes, Addiction to Emotion-Creating Activities, & Escapism into Fantasy Worlds. I am so grateful for your content.

[@AneneBotes]

The way you explain everything is so amazing, I’ve been struggling with depression for most of my life and you explain things in a way that makes so much sense to me, it makes me feel so much less alone!! 😊

[@annelindsey3016]

100 % on target. All boxes checked. Amazing, feels like I have been on your couch for years and you know me so well.

[@mariekatherine5238]

Bright lights and colors hurt my eyes when I’m depressed. I want to retreat to shadows, shaded, or dark places. If I can’t get away, I’ve been known to wear sunglasses. Fluorescent lights get me agitated to the point I have to run away.

[@opencurtin]

I can relate to a lot of these feelings unfortunately!

[@MMM-zc3oq]

The muted colors, I can relate to so much. You don't notice it initially, but when depression lifts and everything is si colorful and pretty, you realize it. It's like depression sucks the beauty and joy of color