Silencing A Critical Parent | The Mel Robbins Show

How do you silence a critical mom? Mel talks to Keri, who says her relationship with her mother is at an all-time low. Keri's mother judges and criticizes her constantly and, not only is she her mom, she's also Keri's boss.
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THE MEL ROBBINS SHOW is a 1-hour talk show hosted by the leading global motivational speaker and best-selling author of THE 5 SECOND RULE, Mel Robbins. Mel helps real people transform their lives by empowering them with the tools necessary to conquer their everyday problems and life’s biggest problems.
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[@janniejeanjellybean3803]

You can’t change your Mom. But can always change your Job.

[@ConnieWobbles]

The problem isn't related to the job, it's related to the mother's lack of self awareness and emotional detachment. If the issue was the job it wouldn't have existed prior to the daughters working for her. Changing the job won't fix how the girls feel when around a critical mother, but some family therapy might help the dynamics of the relationships and help the mother to heal.

[@janniejeanjellybean3803]

@@ConnieWobbles oh Lordy~ My mother is the worlds Greatest MicoManger Among Many other umm Let’s say qualities.... Im her only daughter. She’s 90 now and guess who takes care of her? She’s my mom. Kids have got to grow up. Learn how to cope with life. When you stop blaming others for your situation It opens up a whole new world of possibilities

[@ConnieWobbles]

I agree, children do have to grow up, and critical parents only diminish their confidence, potentially creating adults that either lack empathy and struggle to form healthy emotional connections, amongst other issues, or become co-dependent. Acknowledging there's a problem isn't about blaming, it's about not brushing things under the carpet so that solutions can be found and kids can reach developmental stages without being parentified. I don't think it has anything to do with a lack of love or loyalty for our parents, or an inability to be responsible. And in this case the mother was in pain, so why not help her? I'm all for helping children become strong independent adults, and in my view that comes from modelling good behaviour, with appropriate discipline rather than being critical and crushing kids spirits. Kids need encouragement and healthy emotional connection and boundaries to develop self belief. You may disagree but that's just my take on it. I wish you well with your elderly mother.

[@thehoneyeffect]

Whether your mum is a narcissist or not, know that she will never change. You can only ever change yourself, its time to move on.

[@melhay9969]

So true

[@inge5627]

And one child is the scapegoat and the other is the goldenchild. Conquer and devide

[@sandrahind6855]

This is me- I am the scapegoat

[@godleads1]

The mom started to cry when talking about her sad incident in the past but remained emotionless face the whole time her children trying so hard to make their point across.

[@susancrook7920]

I have compassion for the mother, but that doesn’t mean the girls should stick with their mother’s business. They need to disentangle themselves from the business and see if they can get their mother/daughter relationship in order.

[@maepeterson7197]

Codependency is a helluva drug

[@dtown2816]

She’s dumping her trauma on her daughters. She hasn’t “let it go” or moved on. She needs to face what happened to her.

[@maepeterson7197]

Omg. “I vow to be supportive in a way that empowers you” EVERY CHILD NEEDS THIS 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@candygirl1990]

My mother never stops criticizing me, so I have to stay away from her. She is affecting my little girl too, she doesn't like being around her, because she sees what my mum is really like. I'm done with my mum, I can't deal with her criticism anymore ❤

[@sbfabtfc1]

Keep your child away from her, because she will do the same thing to your child that she did to you. I can tell you from personal experience that such a parent will go to their grave thinking they never did anything wrong.

[@iStorm-my5fp]

The mother does not look stylish enough to criticize her daughter. This is uncalled for. She is beautiful without makeup leave her alone

[@AshleyLoiseau]

This statement was uncalled for and the same compassion you have for the daughters. You have to have towards the mom to because she went through something as well

[@nowpresent2167]

The daughter lost her financial independence,lost the much needed distancing from the toxic family dynamics. Daughter is an empath, people pleaser,co dependent due to the childhood environment created by her parents. Howmuchever the daughter wants to feel the love she desperately is trying to get from mom since childhood is never coming!(unless mom goes into therapy and be a wholesome soul,till then the children get working on positive psychological services)! Hope she realises the most important thing is self love.

[@christine99]

Mel handled this very well. I hope the mother decides to see a therapist. It would be best for the whole family for her to identify her abusive patterns, to work through her traumatic past.

[@taralilarose1]

Absolutely Christine!

[@anitadiaz733]

She wont change, never mind

[@tiffprendergast]

Yeah

[@karenhampton9693]

Lord. Let your mom run her biz by herself. Go spread your wings elsewhere. That can be very toxic to a daughter. Maybe she will miss and appreciate the authentic you and not what she trying to make you be.

[@ERNIE555]

Get yourself another job!

[@bolang6921]

Your mom is on the cold side. You are a deeper person. She is more shallow and more preoccupied with outer appearances. She puts you down instead of admitting she is different because she is not as self-aware as you are--she does not have the capacity to go as deep as you can. Let it go. Get another job. Neither of you need your mom as much as SHE HAS MADE (OR GASLIGHTED) YOU TO BELIEVE you do. Move on.

[@taralilarose1]

Wow that sounds judgmental and harsh. The Mom broke down, dropped her mask, made herself vulnerable, offered a sincere apology and vows to change and do better. I think they're all awesome and will get thru this and break the cycle of criticism and become more supportive towards each other as a result of Mel's coaching.

[@tiffprendergast]

Yup

[@Sallyy150]

Damn, pain through generations!

[@jacobsabrina74]

Yeah, she's not going to change. Both daughters need new jobs before she finishes them off.

[@leaveittothediva]

Oh I feel her pain. The daughter, not the mother. She's a condescending woman. Period.

[@morningglory3644]

The mom is a perfectionist. She wants everything to be perfect...to the point of being overly critical and super judgmental. I agree that she does this subconsciously, and she is coming from a place of insecurity and unhealed trauma. I think she is so afraid of looking bad in front of people and looking like she failed as a mother. I also believe that a mother that doesn't know how to love herself unconditionally would not know how to love her daughters unconditionally. She doesn't recognize the hurt and pain she inflicts on her daughters because she can only see her own pain. I do applaud them for being able to talk this through in a civil manner and to be able to process their emotions and communicate effectively with one another!!!

[@shahilagh]

But perfect is different in ppl eyes I like simplicity

[@sbfabtfc1]

My accountant once said that the worst thing about a family business is the family. He said that too many people make business decisions for emotional reasons, and that is the worst possible thing one can do in a business.

[@bananian]

Wow this host is underrated. Way better than dr. Phil.

[@misosoup8]

The whole makeup thing is dumb, she's beautiful without makeup

[@Caprivlogs]

No,she needs makeup. Stop lying

[@mariee.5912]

@@Caprivlogs disagree

[@yolylacy5416]

Yes, she is pretty.

[@riel8428]

@@Caprivlogs You need a muzzle.

[@veronicapiccinini1981]

I don’t wear makeup, because for me it’s just a complete waste of time and unhealthy for my skin. And yet my mother always tells me I look like a corpse without it.

[@joeyday576]

If you can't get along with your family in ordinary life, you definitely shouldn't work together.

[@Nicole-bs1dw]

NEVER DO BUSINESS WITH FAMILY!

[@reenasingh-id9zh]

What when parent is not that open to hear other side of the story ,atleast this mom is listening and replying calmly. Sometimes parents just keep arguing and yelling how their child are not good enough and not bothered how that makes their kid feel like

[@saras.2173]

Can we just appreciate that this mom-who has been publicly humiliated in front of a large group of people as a teen-voluntarily came on this show about critical parents. She received negative feedback from her daughters publicly and did not prioritize her own image or business by refusing to participate in the show.

[@mightbegenius]

I lose all respect for her because she uses her humiliation as an excuse to criticize her own daughters to the point the had to take her on a show and cried on national tv.

[@shiningjewel4034]

she just sat through public shaming number 2 gracefully.

[@songwriterlife7777]

Change isn't something that happens over night. IDK, I would just quit lol. You literally can't work with your mom and not expect these things... I would never work with my parents for this exact reason. Or family in general.

[@rebeccaquintana6200]

The daughter is amazing! Well spoken! (The first interview up)

[@jeanniecampbell1374]

I like this Mother and all it takes is honesty and communication at home first .

[@eshore389]

I agree. I think they can make their relationship work if they all try.

[@kaylakain6039]

I feel the same way am 24 and sometimes my mom wouldn’t let me do something’s or picks on me for them I take my anger and pain on other people to make myself better I been under a lot of stress lately and can’t take anymore of it so done 😢

[@gw5847]

The mother is no beauty queen except your daughter. Keri move on and live your life.

[@karenhampton9693]

Good segment. Great for the many people who may be experiencing this issue..

[@maxfranklinmeans]

MOM: Her appearance is so unprofessional... ME: YOU'RE unprofessional! Great show Mel!

[@veronicapiccinini1981]

“Not wearing makeup” isn’t unprofessional. “Public humiliating your own daughter” IS unprofessional

[@maxfranklinmeans]

@@veronicapiccinini1981 I agree

[@tid8583]

Wow... So sad for this daughter.

[@carmenmarquez83]

Great show, very enlightening, real life happening! Thanks for the great resiliency strategies! Thanks Mel and thanks to the participants and audience!

[@taralilarose1]

Very impressive Mel! Bravo!!

[@Loyannelima]

I think the mother should fire both daughters and separate these relationships from work definitely. She doesn't like her daughters as employees and probably is afraid to fire them and damage even more their personal relationship

[@aprilbentley8195]

From the look on the daughters faces, they did not trust that this session, nor the moms vows, had dealt with the problem. I think the girls should work on their own and just have their mom be mom. That way the girls can say what they think more effectively. This show did not jive with me like others have.

[@amarbyrd2520]

Mom isn't going to stop being critical just because the girls stop working for her

[@laurachase]

I think this is a very delicate matter and can’t be judged! 20 minutes are not enough time to give all parties the justice they deserve. I also think this conversation should have stayed private my heart went out to MUM when she was traumatised as a young woman by having to confess her own matters to a public that shouldn’t have been involved in her matters that is plain wrong. Especially that she was put or put herself in a similar situation on puplic tv. was really cruel to herself! Relationships are difficult you can’t solve years in 20 minutes!!! But I appreciate all the work you do Mel 💛

[@astacy62]

That was awesome

[@shiningjewel4034]

WOW! These comments are brutal. What we heard was almost 15 minutes of the daughter's story and maybe 3 minutes of the mom's. Mel asked the mom to share a very personal story that still hurts today on national TV. It took courage to come to a show about being a critical mother. She obviously wants to have a good relationship with her daughters or she wouldn't be there. I hope the mom gets the healing she needs, and I hope this family is thriving today.

[@BravoMentoraAmerica]

Brilliant video

[@kaylakain6039]

Being the youngest person sometimes does suck am not going to lie even though my parents don’t love me and my sister more I feel like it’s a lie at times my sister got to everything sometimes and I was left in the dust battling more and more issues

[@labridgers8264]

This mom does NOT look old enough to have grown daughters!

[@Light-jc3fj]

Always about the mother...my father was much worse.

[@kaylakain6039]

I have low self esteem sometimes because my parents aren’t as understanding but sometimes it’s mostly my mom 😢sometimes when I ask here sometimes to do some things because am growing up she gives me a hard time and so hard head at times I feel like I can’t get a break

[@Catherine_Kate]

And if you criticise back... Mom plays victim!

[@fricketyfracktraintrack]

I have a critical mother and she talked about me working for her and doing all this stuff as a part-time position, but then what she explained what I would be doing, I said that sounds like a founders position. I should be getting paid as a founder. And she disagreed with me, so that, in combination with this train wreck of a video, just confirms that I will never be fucking working for her ever.

[@sereneflatun]

Ah describing my mom

[@tiffprendergast]

Me too

[@valeriewarren9240]

Makeup is an enhancement. It brings out what is already there. It's not a necessity.

[@veronicapiccinini1981]

Like “removing your glasses” doesn’t change anything of your appearance, but that’s another story

[@tiffprendergast]

Yup

[@ScammedByJamesLClark]

I would run a mile and get another job

[@xhottestpink]

They need fam therapy, or, different jobs.

[@mightbegenius]

So how was this "silencing a critical parent"? I must have missed the part where they SILENCED her

[@nunyahbizzniss5140]

I catch my self talking to my daughter stern in ways I won’t with others. I am at least aware and do my best to not traumatize my baby girl.

[@cherishawan2034]

My Mother was so strict about my weight and hair. I like long hair. My parents put together 50 forbidden foods. Good was never good enough and m

[@veronicapiccinini1981]

No kidding. My mother used to criticize my butt for “being too big and fat for her sight”. But everything changed when one day, I went to a dietician for the first time with my mother. I don’t why the hell she did it, but she told the dietician “My daughter (Me) is fat and has a huge butt”. How did the dietician respond once she heard that? By telling her off saying: “You (my mother) are supposed to be sued for defamation and body shaming”. Maybe my mother wanted to humiliate me in front of someone to get some sort of power over me (it’s not the first time she did), except THIS TIME a professional figure managed to put her to her place. From then on, she started to not call me “fat” or “big butt” (she slipped into it a few times, though. But less than before)

[@charuverma5802]

Every parent is a sum of their individual experiences. It’s sad to see these people come on a public platform to talk about their issues. Couldn’t have been easy. Let’s hope the mother is able to keep her vows to the daughters and they in turn have love and respect for her.

[@marlenneperez8210]

💕 💕💕

[@noellelane5229]

This is nothing compared to my mom lol

[@PoisonelleMisty4311]

Women who had mothers who criticize them, compare them to other girls, and talk negatively to them may experience long-lasting effects on their self-esteem and self-worth. Such experiences can lead to feelings of inadequacy, low confidence, and a constant need for validation. Additionally, they may struggle with forming healthy relationships and have difficulty trusting others due to the negative patterns established in their early years.

[@kitschmygrits4836]

The hairstylist daughter should enroll at Vidal Sassoon and get better. Her work is not up to par and once it is, her confidence will increase enough that it will show. Just because she's an instructor at a beauty school doesn't mean she really knows how to cut hair exceptionally. The daughter with no makeup should put on a little mascara and lip gloss for crying out loud. Let your mother have her business ran the way she wants and let her have the lead in all communications with customers. She gave birth to you, she has more life experience and knows more than you so let her be your boss at work.

[@kristinloucks2084]

A critical father

[@heathersmith6144]

The one thing I am on the mothers side about is about dressing for the job. I understand that the daughter may not want to where make up but if she’s working at a bridal shop there’s a certain way that is standard for that type of job. Just like modeling or being a tv host. There’s nothing wrong with giving yourself an extra spark while in that kind of work. I used to bartend and I would always put make up on. Some girls would come in like they just tiled out of bed and say they didn’t need to do anything because I already got ready! I had two make up bags. Mine with all my good stuff and another with the more down sized make up. I was the head bartender so I would be really sweet about it but I would say “ hey pretty girl! Your running late again here ya go I got your tables jazz it up beautiful!” The girls were already beautiful but you can’t come to work like ya just don’t care. Not in certain jobs. That’s all I’m saying. Other then that I can totally empathize with those daughters. My mother found/ finds any and all fault she can with me. I feel for them. They’re both beautiful and talented

[@nunyahbizzniss5140]

I feel like moms also don’t fear their daughters not liking them as just an employee or friend might if she treated them the same as she does her daughters. So the mom treats employees/friends better from fear of not being liked or accepted. Mom has some security that daughters love her no matter if she takes her frustrations out on them and not other people. Mom might also be speaking to daughters in a way to intimidate employees to improve employees behaviors just not directed at them so employees will not want the same treatment. If that makes sense.

[@bluebutterfly140]

This woman, is a poor excuse for a mother!!

[@taralilarose1]

I can't believe the mean-spirited uncompassionate attitude of some of you women. How sad.

[@tiffprendergast]

Yup

[@IntuitiveCoachTheresa]

Kuddos to mom here for sharing the source of the shame she projects on her daughters. There is something there to work with when there's willingness to own her own beliefs, words and actions. However, in my opinion, don't ever.....ever.....work for a parent like this. Do NOT work for critical or judgemental parents who won't take ownership of their abuse and are willing to get professional help to grow as a person. Unless you absolutely have to ask them for help, temporarily, just do not do it. The stress is so not worth it. I have a very critical, jugdmental mother who takes zero, actually zero, accountability for her beliefs, words and actions. She is almost 80 now so add in early dementia (memory) and it's a real treat. The excuses people give for being this kind of parent blow my mind. It's as if the CHILD is responsible for their parenting approach. They are simply reacting to the child's issues. As adults, I get it, it's different, however, not that much different if the parent is trying to maintain a power differential that was established in the child's toddler years. People just don't change without the willingness to be accountable for their actions, words AND thinking patterns. Boundaries for self care are really impt, and acceptance of what is. Sadly, it just is what it is

[@marymorenomariposa]

she doesn’t need makeup.. unlike her mom

[@jillstover8782]

Move on get another job, I wouldnt work for her ever

[@elviko8581]

That mother is not even that Bad. My parents were much worse

[@shahilagh]

This woman daughter is simple and her simplicity lack of or limited make up is pretty much better than mother or child ther women who wear

[@Stephanie-ku8wl]

Moms want the best for their kids. That’s what you need to remember. If you are in business with yours, wouldn’t you want to look professional especially since you work at a Bridal shop? If the roles were reversed, you might understand that the business supports both of you. I wouldn’t want to set foot in a store where they wore ripped jeans and t shirts and tried to help me find my perfect gown. Maybe mom’s and daughters shouldn’t be in business together. It’s embarrassing to a mom when you work hard to make sure you provide for your kids and they refuse to take showers because everyone else is judging the mom for the child’s choice not to wash their hair. My kids do it too and I had to flat out tell them if they want to go somewhere fun, they need to shower and wear deodorant or we weren’t going. There’s nothing wrong with having high standards. People buy with their eyes. Should she have gone as far as she did saying some of the things she did? Her word choice definitely was lacking.

[@cindynevins7761]

Your first sentence is false. Not all mums want the best for their child. Sad but true

[@anitadiaz733]

They grew up with this toxic boss, this is the way this woman raised and formed the subconscious of two inocent baby girls, in this awfull and selfish way.

[@lukrelukreciacia]

This two young woman sound much more matture then a mom. The mom is so immature, and she does not even wanna say to younger dougther a real reason why she doesn't want to employ her. She doesn't want to be real with her own daughter.

[@janethomas78]

ICKY MOM!!!

[@Bellywoodstudios_diadance]

How has makeup become a brand standard

[@kjbrocky]

Everyone has baggage and a past. Stop the excuses and get your own sh*t together or kiss your relationships goodbye! She did not vow to stop the criticism, this was really pathetic.

[@Izzywizzy74]

Change your job

[@alezandradavila2581]

I just don’t talk to her

[@1411niveditha]

It’s crazy how a woman is being beaten up about how she runs her business and somehow she being a mother makes her obligated to give her daughters jobs that they are clearly not carrying out to her expectation.

[@jeanniecampbell1374]

I hope the daughter listen to the mum also ..just because she is older does not mean she does not have feeling too

[@amarbyrd2520]

Her mom isn't acknowledging what she's saying

[@maryfeltyartwork]

Mom can't get a word in....

[@PorcelainLeigh]

Bridal is a glam biz. You're not a glam type person? Then find another job. Easy Peasy.

[@rebeccajones8628]

Find another job to save your sanity and your relationship.

[@Catsmeow90]

The mom doesn't look all that well put together. Just saying.

[@chegadorn]

Stop blaming the Mom! The daughters should be independent and get their own jobs.

[@anitadiaz733]

There are good reasons why they dont work somewhere else. It is because of this toxic mother.

[@veronicapiccinini1981]

@@anitadiaz733 and secondly, now it’s not easy to find a job. They are just lucky to have one in the first place

[@ajamma8139]

Thats why as muslims we Hyde our sins and not tell them, because the forgiveness is Between you and God and not Between you the people. 🍀🍀🍀

[@missie504]

If you don't like working for your mum, then leave! But don't go on National TV and tell the world all you don't like about your mother...

[@anitadiaz733]

Why not?