3 Simple Questions to Enhance Your Connections

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[@CasenJames]

This exercise is so so so so valuable. I've found that its easy to go one layer deep and still miss the 15 layers underneath that one. I like how you phrased it as "trying to be a little more honest." It's absolutely something that takes consistent practice. One layer deeper at a time. That said, I can share that I've surprised myself with how often I've found that my actions are actually rooted in manipulation to meet an unseen selfish need. But seeing these situations have allowed for a new pattern of reactivity to emerge; one that is more in line with love/compassion. It's absolutely transformed my marriage into something I wouldn't have thought possible just a few years back. And funny enough those "unmet needs" have subsided to a large degree! Funny how that works 😉 (Related note: Partner intimacy is likely a VERY common place that people find themselves unknowingly manipulating the other person for selfish needs. Oftentimes, it can be embarrassing or shameful to see it in ourselves, so we get REALLY good at hiding from our awareness.) Hopefully, that's helpful to someone. 💖

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

The words of someone who has become honest with themselves AND done a lot of work :)))

[@WholyAlkhemy]

Authenticity has the sweetest of perfums which can be felt from a zillion light years! Appreciated 💜

[@nobodynowhere21]

really enjoying these recent videos. there's really only so much that can be said to "point" to non-duality. but after the awakening process is underway, i'm FINALLY looking at the shadow in the cold hard light of day, no filters no pretending or hiding, and some of what i'm looking at is deeply, deeply uncomfortable or unsettling (abandonment or validation issues for example). but i'm not special, many of us will lift that big rock and find all sorts of "bugs" and critters start to flee for safety even deeper in the ego structure. ego is clever i totally get that now. anyway im finally sort of enjoying(?) the difficult parts of the journey now too and i'm very thankful to these videos and finally got your book its next on my list!

[@SamRoff]

Well said! Love the analogy of critters under the rocks, although I think a heartfelt stance of ‘lost, forgotten children’ feels right :)

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

Thanks for your comments. Let me know what you think of the book :)

[@nobodynowhere21]

@@SamRoff yes I agree, loving those "lost" parts is the integration journey. The visual metaphor is so fun though haha

[@SamRoff]

@@nobodynowhere21 yeah for sure hahaha

[@VeritableVagabond]

Example: I see a homeless person, and I don't give him money because I don't have cash. I feel anger, at the society for allowing this to happen. How can I apply unconditional love?

[@A2Zdogmd]

Thanks!

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

Thank you !!!! 😍😎🥰

[@KK-qd6ro]

Very good timely as usual. Yes me I did a LOT of that. I think thats how I developed the joker. I think my break thouugh came when I watched Lisa and Karl Friston on four simple questions.I felt so validated that my experience of life was recognised and shared. And then the work really began! You gotta keep looking, I found I just wanted permission to be. And now i'm gonna say something i never would have believed I would, I now see that the suffering is what drove me. It's some kind of self validation that i'm really worthless. And I'm doing it!! 💜🙏

[@Yamikaiba123]

I used to think that I almost never seek validation. But I was aware that I do most things for fun. Then I realized that I sometimes do and say things because I feel like they will be fun for the unmentioned/unthought reason that they invite approval by others, leading to a rush of positive emotions that FEELS fun. But from my point of view, all I was doing was sharing ideas or facts that I thought were amusing.

[@susanamos6237]

Excellent, very interesting, thank you, I will put this into practice… I will write these questions down.. love it

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

Wonderful!

[@susanamos6237]

Gosh eventually managed to find this again.. I am now ready to write down your questions and start considering and truthfully answering them…

[@thewayofnoway]

So interesting to observe the way I communicate with someone depending on their social status, gender, religious beliefs or even race. It’s also fascinating to see the motivation which can swing between ego protection and empathy at the other end of the scale. Such a rich vein to dig into. Thanks as always Angelo.

[@sandraellis3878]

This is honestly a real eye opener, so glad I came across this clip amongst many of your other clips and I watched it all. Q1)Why am I communicating with this individual and be clear on your motivation and purpose. Q2) Is this deeply honest? Can I approach this conversation with more truth and what's healthy for the other person rather than what I want out of it? Q3) How can I demonstrate unconditional love in this moment? I watch so many things online with such interest with specific teachers and in weekly zoom meditations or group chats but honestly this will certainly be a priority. I love honesty and especially with myself when things are pointed out that make so much impact on where I want to be authentically and unconditionally. Thankyou Angelo 🙏🕉

[@frankie.m104]

Thank you these are great...esp the validation...it's sneaky but the spiritual experience validation is one of the biggest obstacles...realized long time ago this is ultimately a solitary process...points are so important but the willingness to look and question EVERTHING is like water that washes whatever is there away...so thank you for not letting anything linger...it's so important otherwise in my experience it's endless meing and being🙏🏽💖

[@jonathanaviss6742]

Love this video. I am the worst people pleaser in fact it runs most of my interactions. I long for authenticity but a deap fear of rejection and confrontation keeps this persona firmly in place. Thanks for talking about this subject I think its missing from so much of spirituality!

[@Rickpa]

Humans being gregarious and tribal, validation seeking is built into the species. People might try to deny their own validation seeking or proclaim that it's something they no longer do because such a rare accomplishment is quite validating.

[@consciousnessbasedcosmos]

I don't see too much harm in seeking validation. It can even be useful to certain extent. Even in spiritual journey, when you do so in a community, validation is serving as some kind of support for each other. But most important as always in spiritual journey, is to be aware of it so that it doesn't spiral out of control. Perhaps the only way to really stop validation seeking to dissolve the person who seeks it. No person, no validation seeking.

[@karenwood8423]

This helped me again today, during struggles with discomfort. So clarifies whether or why to connect!Thank you.

[@carriesewell3460]

The more I look the more I find as I’ve been working with this. It’s been really helpful to ask why I’m doing what I’m doing, and to be kind to myself when I see it in action. I catch it and apologized to the other person when appropriate. It’s helped me not be judgmental with myself and get tangled up in the story. See it, feel it and let it go until it appears again. A work in progress. Thanks for more pointers!

[@alfreddifeo9642]

Thank you and Thanks for sharing truth, 🎯♥😶 🙏 love, grace,peace and understanding to all asap.

[@VeritableVagabond]

The need to be competent or to have others be competent is strong

[@birgit8996]

actually it's always about feeling good...but the question is, what feels good or not good? Does it matter to emotions how they are? Do thoughts matter what they appear to be?. ...There is only unconditioned love ("allowing all appearances"). Where is there validation at all....when there is no thought of it!

[@birgit8996]

all statements made here are just questions and answers"opinions"...neither right nor wrong...thoughts appear....emotions appear....who owns them😉....thanks for the confirmation😆... Love it💛

[@nat998]

☺️💛

[@Sashas-mom]

Gosh I love this… I’ve been noticing all the masking I’ve done for … ever! I think it’s made me lonelier in the end. Anyway it’s exciting to think others are asking these questions too. How fun!

[@75accamargo]

In one of his books Adyashanti wrote that it’s important to be truthful and authentic to others, but most people don’t do it because then you lose the control that you think you have on others. That resonated a lot with me. I always knew that if I let other people know me for what I am, instead of letting them think what I want them to think about me, I would feel exposed, weak and vulnerable. On the other hand, what I think of “me” is changing completely lately… so many beliefs going away about everything, mostly about what I thought I was… right now I wouldn’t even know how to start if I wanted to be true and authentic… 🫠🙃

[@nat998]

Analuiza! 🙏 That recognition of allowing your true character to be seen, as it simply is... without a need to mislead/deceive; and without the fear of judgment (or with the fear) IS that very orientation, towards deep inner authenticity... which is hugely freeing. The best relationships are those in which you can simply be yourself... AS you are. The result - intimacy & honesty, and genuine connectivity (with no agendas/manipulation and the desire to gain something from the relationship). Isn't that cool? To thine own self be true (amen!) ☺️🙏✨

[@75accamargo]

@@nat998 Yes! ✨Thank you, Nat! 🙏🏻😊

[@toddkoelmel]

Like a lightsaber. Thank you.

[@nocapnobs7845]

I'm 2 mins in and very much enjoying this. I haven't seen the first video but keep these coming, this is very thought provoking.

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

Will do

[@yasminel-hakim4348]

thank you Angelo for these valuable videos. Yes, of course I have those mentioned tendencies in conversations with people. And there is something I want to change in my life but I’m afraid to communicate it with my partner because he doesn’t like it. So maybe I should just say it, because the actual situation produces inner conflict and it’s time to stop it. I’m not saying it for years because I hate sticky situations and anger of other people and disharmony, sigh 😔 And of course there are all these reasons you mentioned why I behave differently in interaction with different people 🤦‍♀️

[@tamaracrawford9703]

5:04 captions : "I think robots might have said something like that" 😂 How does it get 'robots' from 'Ram Dass' ??

[@nat998]

So funny 😂😂

[@jdykz]

I caught myself doing this earlier today and watched myself as I spoke and questioned myself uncomfortably. This was a great confirmation and support. Thank you 😊

[@DeeQu8nT81]

WOW! This is real spiritual work. Thank you so much.

[@ravenofthewild]

Needs to be taught in High School, maybe even Middle School.

[@nicoleyoung3927]

I’m realizing through this video that I didn’t think I did it… Because I labeled it as something else but now I’m realizing that I do it extremely bad and that was really hard to realize. Until I dissected it ..Maybe it’s from fear that if we are not excepted, we could lose our job, friends or something? Thank you for the exercises!! Incredible advice

[@subject_5056h]

Why does fruit smell good and poisonous things taste bad? It's an ancient survival mechanism that is deeply programmed in our DNA. Without it, we would have no chance of survival. The same is true for the need to belong and be accepted by the group. Before modern society, humans were absolutely dependent on their peers for survival. The need for approval is hardwired in any single one of us. Ideally, this manifests as constructive behaviour. But nowadays everyone is traumatized to some degree, which leads to more unhealthy tactics such as manipulation.

[@nicoleyoung3927]

@@subject_5056h that makes a lot of sense well put. I always try and understand the other side of someone even when they’re mean to me, especially when they’re mean to me or do anything that feels negative… And I have a hard time with it… But that explanation helps me sympathize when people do what they do… Thanks.

[@subject_5056h]

@@nicoleyoung3927 Glad to be of service ;-) The best way to understand others is to deconstruct your own inner workings. Deep down every one operates the same. Every action rooted in ego is always purely egoistic, even when it convinces itself it is not. There's nothing wrong or shameful about that, it's just the way God made the organism so it can survive. Everyone is essentially looking for the same: peace/love. The manner in which they try to obtain it is dependent on their (spiritual) maturity. Sometimes they try to obtain through hurtful things in order to preserve the self. Knowing that doesn't make it less hurtful to you, but you can come to terms with it much faster.

[@rubyslippers9140]

Thanks Angelo :)

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

My pleasure!

[@lalitavajra6078]

wow, sobering, scary ...i feel a calm and scary yes. Very practical questions and reflections. I feel an OH **** what a mountain to climb. Thanks, with some laughter. :)

[@robs.5847]

If we look through a lens of relationship (in the broadest sense of relating to people, to concepts, to values, etc.), it seems that our relationships are either "hold close" or "hold at distance", but the relationship is one of holding. We build our identities around our combination of those two types of relating, the things we pursue and the things we reject. Validation seeking can be trying to hold close, to seek validation. But the opposite can be true too, to ostensibly reject the seeking, where we hold validation at distance because of internalised judgement about it. But because we are still self-identified in relation to it, it still informs our actions, we are not free of it. I think that this ties in with not having preferences, that by not having preferences we sever the relationship to people/concepts/values, regardless of whether it's a seeking or rejecting polarity that defines the relationship Without the relationship, it is free to enter and leave our sphere, and we are free of its influence. I was describing this recently, along with another concept. There's a video somewhere of a classroom teacher explaining to his students that it's not weight/mass that is the most relevant aspect to holding a physical object, it's duration. Even the lightest of objects will create suffering if held for long enough. All of these relationships we create are things that we hold, things that ultimately bring about suffering, not because of anything particular to the relationship or the object with which we relate, but because of the duration for which we hold it. You might start by holding an item at arm's length, and you are the active contributor to its position. Over time, that will change, as the item appears to be pulling you, pulling your arm, and you become compelled to hold and maintain by effortful resistance. A bit like "the things we own end up owning us", we become reactive to the pulls of our relationships.

[@Ballsmasher69420]

Yep, validation seeking can be resisted on the surface level, but it goes very deep, unconscious and nuanced

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

🛎️🛎️🛎️

[@SurrealMcCoy]

All us domesticated primates love to be validated I would have thought, TBH. Though some people crave it for sure. If I craved validation I would make sure I had a presence on multiple platforms. But I honestly don't roll that way. We're a highly social species. We used to groom each other a lot more. Now we have a huge cerebral cortex and we talk bollocks to each other, discuss the weather if we're British, formulate critiques from multiple conceptual positions etc. Yeah, we do all that kind of wonderful stuff instead. Have fun with it. I love the the interplay of personalities in the ocean of the interpersonal. Also, with respect, if I were expressing unconditional love I wouldn't stop to think about it.

[@briantomoconnor]

At first, I was confused about what this had to do with spiritual awakening. Wasn't it just about fixing the personality? (Or to quote Adyashanti, "rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic")? But then got to the third question about unconditional love and it seemed to come together. After all, that's what it's all about isn't it? And I do mean all.

[@suze.c]

I can't believe that over 18 minutes has passed. I was so mesmerised by the message it felt like time stood still. Maybe because I was asking these questions today after a conversation with my dentist. Unconditional love was not part of my inquiry so thank you for shocking me!!

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

❤🌀

[@ThommyB]

I'll try it. Outside this video I've a serious question. What is energy ?

[@melaniebruce3923]

Maybe a good name for it is ‘validation avoidance’. But I totally see what you are saying. Avoidance and Seeking/grasping are both very similar modes of operation the separate self uses, maybe in an attempt to make it’s self more comfortable.

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

Right. Or “risk of losing validation situation avoidance”

[@evadaring622]

I’m enjoying your videos, I’d like to get your book, I need to know your name and the title of your book. 🤗❤️

[@gracefrazier4775]

Gratitude.

[@HiluT]

Thanks ❤️

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

You're welcome 😊

[@deanf.6926]

Proof that I validation seek: The thinking mind was my master, and I was it's slave .. Now, I'm the master, and the thinking mind is my slave...

[@stefaniestrauss1182]

❤

[@VeritableVagabond]

Is anger authentic? Do we shift to unconditional love when we have anger in our mind?

[@LizB55]

Challenge accepted.

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

!!!

[@ajaysagar775]

Really nice suggestion but I forget, but if the other person wants to communicate and I don’t

[@saralamuni]

If you think you're enlightened, go spend a weekend with your parents.

[@shanajordan1191]

Is “criticism phobia” just upside down validation seeking?

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

Exactly , yes. Avoiding situations where you might be criticized, humiliated etc is just another version of the validation game

[@WholyAlkhemy]

🔥👁️🔥🙏

[@KK-qd6ro]

Only at 5.33 is that your critics firering at you.? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@nativestone1666]

Do you think reactivity after having an awakening is more arduous for those who haven't had a meditation practice for a long period of time?

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

Probably, tho it can still be in full force after awakening regardless of what you've done before.

[@mike-t02]

Guilty

[@alextrusk1713]

What question do you ask Sam Harris to see if he is enlightened…..

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

No idea but if you come up with one let me know, I want to hear it :)

[@alextrusk1713]

@@SimplyAlwaysAwake ask him what’s his opinion of Donald Trump 😂

[@SimplyAlwaysAwake]

@@alextrusk1713 lol, I don’t know Sam Harris, and actually don’t know much about him

[@alextrusk1713]

@@SimplyAlwaysAwake he has the waking up app and has had a convo with Jim Newman and Adyshanti. You probably could probably get on his talk to list

[@PinkyBar374]

@@alextrusk1713 umm a wee bit off topic, love ya name dropping list tho! Why don’t you try get on that list, seems to be on your mind 😂

[@realblummusic]

get to the 3 Questions waaaaaayyyy sooner next time lol