Single at 40 and never married. Do I want kids? 😅

I just turned 40 and already have been asked by so many people: do I ever want to have kids?
Then they usually let me know I'm going to have to change how I'm living my life in some pretty key ways if I want to have kids.
So I took some time out to properly contemplate the question: do I want to have kids?
To arrive at my answer, I needed to first go through my thoughts on marriages and relationships.
I came up with a pretty clear conclusion for myself.
00:00 Introduction
01:02 Marriage
03:39 Relationships
07:10 Kids
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[@OyemeLife]

Married at 29. Have kids. Bless you all. Choose your path. Do what you really want

[@robynbarnard9065]

I'm 50 never married and no children. Freedom is clearly very important to me 😆 I have beautiful deep friendships and treasure them and that is enough for me right now.

[@loganwilliams6589]

Ohh? Hello 👋

[@GillianMulholland]

this is awesome! I am 40 and feel the same way :)

[@anabell7184]

"I've never regretted not having children. My mindset in that regard has been constant. I objected to being born, and I refuse to impose life on someone else." - Robert Smith

[@richmac6345]

Same here. I shouldn't have been borne but now that I'm here I'm trying my best to figure this life out and find how to stop the bad experience (magic mushrooms have helped)

[@JustinBrownVids]

That's an interesting quote :) I suppose I've got the assumption that life is a great gift but I can see how that's an assumption or a value that others don't necessarily share.

[@Agnethatheredhairkid]

63, still single and childless. I decided at the age of 8 I wasn't going to be a mother and decided at 22 I would never marry. I have never even been in a relationship and have no wish to be. I'm all I need. La soltera para siempre.

[@AshTheDuke]

same here marriage scares me

[@robbyrob8349]

Great video. I'm 42 years old, never married, no children. I don't want to get married. I don’t want to have children. I love being single. I'm able to accomplish all of my lifetime goals. No alimony, no child support, no drama, save a lot of money. I don't have to worry about losing everything I have. I'm staying single as long as I live.

[@JustinBrownVids]

Love it.

[@zezo4007]

same mate

[@Canadian_Eh_I]

turning 39 soon same situation. Its a bit frightening on the finality of the decisions at this point lol. If I dont have them soon, likely never having them because its not that practical to be a super old dad. I love my freedom but I do wonder if one day I'll regret the decision. Oh well, cant have it all.

[@RandomVideos-kn3pf]

It's really lonley though, no matter how hard we try to hide it, it's fucking lonley

[@willpowerman8817]

​@@RandomVideos-kn3pf Adapt or perish

[@chadguindon6909]

I’m 39 and I have chosen to live my adult life as a single. I have never been married and I don’t have children. I like being the free man and that I can do what I want when I want. I seriously hate society’s judgment where they say “Men who choose to be single are selfish!!!!” but I think it is more selfish for men to pursue relationships for the wrong reasons and not the right reasons than to not do that at all. Loneliness, horniness and being broke are selfish reasons.

[@Munzhe]

I wish I could like this video a million times. I'm a 32 year old female, no kids not married. I have taken a conscious decision to stay unmarried. I am for relationships but not legalizing them.

[@peachesncream2702]

thank you for highlighting this outdated judgment in our society. I am also 40, also without kids and not married, and get this question a lot. But not so much anymore; me living my highest values - freedom and personal expansion - has kind of given people the answer without me needing to tell them! I think we need to broaden the lens on what it means to be a creator, a birther of ideas and magic and contributions and service beyond the limiting family paradigm.

[@Autonomous1969]

I'm 53 and never married with no kids. I semi retired at 52 and due to retire fully at 55. I paid my house off at 53. I hate anyone telling me what to do so I stay on my own. I have no concept of what lonely is. I love my life.

[@JustinBrownVids]

Great to hear it

[@mrx-od3ji]

@@JustinBrownVids Im 40 years old i never met anyone i never dated and i dont want kids.

[@manosijroy8282]

@@mrx-od3ji Damn man really at 40? I am a 22 year old guy who never had a girlfriend before. I get no luck on dating apps as girls ghost me there and I was rejected by 2 girls in my college whom I liked. I messaged some girls on Instagram whom I knew in high school days and they are 19-22 year olds now but many of them ghosted and even blocked me and only 4 girls chat with me and only 2 of them both 20 year olds are sweet to me and we send each other virtual hugs and they call me sweet but idk when we will meet because we go to different colleges in the same city and I definitely want a real hug from either of those girls.

[@bmfitzgerald3]

40 and single here as well. I agree that we should not get married or have kids because of societal pressure, and I also agree that we should not be looking for a relationship to "complete" us, rather to enhance our lives and help us continue to grow. But I do want kids someday, personally, and it goes to what you said about you and your brothers, and the great relationship you have with them (and with your parents). That is family, and there is nothing else like it. That sort of relationship must be built from the ground up to become as profound and meaningful as it can become. I too, thankfully, have a wonderful relationship with the family I grew up with, and want to have kids someday to grow and build my own part of that: to develop those special bonds and connections that can only be formed by bringing someone into the world, sharing this beautiful gift of life with them, literally caring for and raising them when they had no chance of even surviving on their own. That is why the bond among family is so strong, at least for me, and why I will always support my parents and siblings in whatever they need. We are a species that excels as a "tribe," as a community, and again, family is the foundation of that. So yes, I want to have kids. To continue building that tribe, to dedicate myself to the development of its younger members, to experience the range of growth and emotion that can only be experienced through such dedication and sacrifice, to mentor, to share, and yes, to learn from another generation. Like you though, first I have to find the right woman :) All that said, for some people kids aren't in the cards, whether due to physical issues, lack of desire to have children, timing of the right relationship, or for whatever other reason. And just because someone does not have children clearly doesn't mean that person cannot be a truly valuable member of the "tribe" in deep and meaningful ways... still mentoring, sharing, growing, contributing, and learning.

[@jackiemunoz4696]

Well said!

[@AmatuAllah777]

@@celesteperezmora8159 I concur.I 'm so happy to know there are women like me. I hope Brian finds the woman whose desire to be a mom outweighs all the sufferings that come with it.

[@denisem7009]

Well said. Kids and marriage isn’t for everyone. It’s best to be patient in finding the right person for you. I wish you well.

[@dadada486]

Just want to say that given your age, you are resigned to the idea that you want kids but you may not have them. I'm asking as a 40 year old myself.

[@JustinBrownVids]

Thanks for watching the video! Here's the masterclass on The Vessel: ideapod.com/relationships-masterclass/#1&data1=40kids And come say hi on Instagram: instagram.com/justinrbrown/

[@laurastrong763]

Single, 37 years old, no kids and two marriages I learned a lot from. I actually found your video on How to be happy: 5 unconventional tips tonight and noticed it was from 2018 and was really curious to see what your life philosphy is now. The 2018 video really hit me in a positive way because experiencing so much personal loss this passed year has really only left me with those 5 approaches (back to basics) which was really refreshing to hear explained in more detail from you. They're infact great principles to live by that anyone at any stage in life can find peace with. As for this video I don't think I could have said it better myself, what you're talking about in your video is a truly beautiful way to see relationships and life. The most difficult thing for me is maintaining that point of view and perspective and remaining in alignment with it regularly. Perhaps I will have to subscribe. :) Thanks for sharing your insights.

[@michaelbell390]

I'm 48 with no children nor ever been married..I'm right there with you I enjoy the single life.

[@TakuCoding]

Hey I just saw your comment and it was most recent so highly likely you can respond. I'm in my early 30s and I'm not really keen on getting married but I'm afraid of being lonely and losing life goals like taking care of kids and what will I do when I'm old like say 80s and need someone to take care of me. Man it's such a complex decision. My question is if you would go back to your 30s would you make the same choice? What advice can you give?

[@michaelbell390]

@TakuCoding I'm in my inner peace all will work out in its own timing 😎

[@TakuCoding]

@@michaelbell390 I guess you are right, for the mean time one step at a time

[@raginisharma9302]

I am single because my relationships never worked out and I wasted time by investing in wrong people. Having said that, I do wish to marry and have kids with the person I can love and respect .

[@iiiiisse]

Don't tell your past because it is the only reason a men leaves you ,

[@Silomroad]

Thank you fore this sharing topic ,wish you good new week

[@sajithsenavirathna1823]

Everyone said I m happy being single. but they don’t really meant it! They smile and hide the tears

[@OgyKovachev]

Hey Justin. I share your thoughts with 100% matching my current state of mind. I am 40 for another month, not being engaged for more than an year with a girl and the most recent one I had for 10 weeks. I was not able to manage being 24/7 with her for this time even I wanted to be together. I felt under pressure by her expectations and her needs, relying on me to make her fill the gap as you say. I wish I have a long term partner and not feel pressured where the kids component will come by its natural way if she is really into it. It is not a must for me to have kids because we are programed this way. And the marriage is for the party definitely :) Thank you for the inspiration.

[@JustinBrownVids]

Hi Ogy, thakns for sharing this. If you felt under pressure from expectations, I suggest the relationships masterclass with Ruda Iande. He speaks about this in depth and shares great advice. Best wishes!

[@SusanHopeYoutube]

Profound

[@rrr8161]

I think single life is better no tension lot of freedom

[@falling_leaves2997]

Thank you for sharing. I am turning 40 in a few months. I have no kids and never married. Really not had a steady relationship and its difficult to talk about with other people as some people don’t understand from a males perspective

[@jenniferlanclos9631]

I also think a different way to look at soul mate relationships is seeing an energy in a person that inspires you to be your very best self and brings out a love in your own heart you never knew was possible. We are whole people, but I feel like the energy mingle is incredibly inspiring.

[@msizziekay]

Very well-said! :)

[@i_am_adaiah1341]

I wish the world can just move on from this stereotyped way of life and accept this. I am African, just turned 40, never married, no kids... I am a physiotherapist... but I keep getting this pressure from my family and society who think I am incomplete without a man or kids... i try very hard to make them see that there is more to life beyond getting married and birthing children.. Honestly, if i find a partner that shares the same dreams and aspirations with me, then cool...but will I drop every other thing that makes me fulfilled and happy just to please the society... hell no!!! This truly is one conversation most societies of the world are not ready to have, and it baffles me how they feel those of us that think this way are wierd or somewhat abnormal... Thank you so much for sharing this

[@Phyllis238]

I totally relate. I just turned 42, never married, no kids and a lawyer by profession. The society judges single persons harshly which is sad. I can never marry or get kids out of pressure.

[@willnill7946]

Nothing is more important than children.

[@shalimakhan1205]

I’m 42 here! I come from a background where it was told to me from day one, you grow up, you get married, you have children and the end. In that order. It’s hard for me to differentiate between whether I really want those things or I believe I need to do those things to count. Haven’t done any of them yet and may wonder forever. Can be sad and confusing.

[@Connect_with_Yourself]

I am in the same boat as you sister. From similar background. I would love to be single(love my personal autonomy too much), but intimacy is something I will struggle to live without. I can't practice celibacy for life.

[@luckyduck2928]

My mother in law had her kids at 25 and 43, so I'm just saying. Her second pregnancy came from a one night stand affair

[@pops1pops178]

I got used to being single and no kids not sure if I can adjust now I'm 40 had a few relationships in my younger days as the years go I got more careful and people have do much luggage attached to them I rather not get involved

[@JustinBrownVids]

Fair enough

[@jackiemunoz4696]

Wow you are absolutely right!

[@johntrolle8935]

Same here - 43 no kids, never been married and not planning to change that. Only problem is that your social circle gets smaller as all your old friends start having families and hang out together. Find hanging out with kids for more than 30mins exhausting

[@aldof.2966]

As for me having a kid was my continuation of life in a way. To me my kid is an extension of me. Love the experience but no longer feel the desire to have more kids. My life Feels complete with a single child. My child gives me a bigger purpose in life. But i do relate to you in many ways. Appreciate the video. ❤

[@jenniferlanclos9631]

I whole heartedly agree with your assessment about marriage. I think a big part of it is that you build a financial life in marriage too where it is hard to separate because you have made a life dependent upon two incomes.

[@lorraineburke-shapeupafter50]

Hi Justin,newbie here. I am 52 and staying single too.

[@JustinBrownVids]

Welcome! Sounds good if it works for you.

[@Dan-di9jd]

I just turned 39 a few weeks ago and I'm single. It seems like most people at this age who are single are very happy with that. For myself, I very much hate it. I hate the fact that I never understood how to date women, how to get women to be friends, and how to be a lover. There was a time in my late 20s when I was so ready to get married. I had a house, a good amount of savings, and I went out looking for someone to share it all with. No one came along and no one was interested at all. I nearly decided to end it all but somehow kept going. Now that I'm nearing 40, I'm back at the dark thoughts that life is so unfair and that I spent my whole life wondering why I'm so worthless. They say once you're over 40 you grow to accept that you'll be single for the rest of your life but I wonder if I'll make it to 70, 80, or even beyond that? I just hope I am in good health. If god doesn't want me to be with a wife, then I just hope he lets me be healthy. If I don't, I would just curse god and whatever it was I was meant to do and would end it as soon as I find out I am sick and will be an old disabled man.

[@Canadian_Eh_I]

I relate so hard to this. All I wanted was someone to growth in a relationship with and build eachother up. All I ever got were people who treated me as their 3rd or 4th choice and never put in any effort or showed me they cared. As a result I pretty much gave up on relationships as they always seem to fall apart. I feel like the ship has sailed, I tried but failed. Just turned 40 and TBH the future looks grim.

[@mildredobiero5456]

We get better each day, now you are ready than before because you have seen and learnt.

[@easycash1470]

Grate, thanks for the video. That's very nice point of view. As for me I'm 38 never married, wealthy, sporty. I realize I never wanted a family and happy with living on my own. But indeed i wish to meet a girl i could be happy with.

[@JustinBrownVids]

I can relate to that.

[@desiboy2057]

All the best bro

[@bad18boy-]

Please do give advice for teens in their 20s struggling with his life, no job , mental health issues, depression, anxiety, society etc.

[@josephanglada4785]

I want children and get married, but it is not like a desire that is strong enough to make me less lazy about relationships.

[@Z-Ack]

Fuck id love to have a woman who loved me enough to marry me and stay true to me.. but i think im too old to have kids myself now because of everything ive put my body through growing up i probably only got another 20 in me unless i finally decide to end it early myself.. i spent too long in a depression from losing both the women i loved and wanted to start a family with.. first wasted 10 years of my life then up and left me while screwing a few of who i thought were friends., then found another chick who had a lotta love for me but she had a drug problem apparently and spent a year in rehab before i met her. And about 4 years into it all she started changing the way she acted. Turned out i found out she was doing heroin when i found her dead and blue with a needle in her arm... really tore me up.. that while not having any family or friends to talk to about it has just taken a tole on me and pushed me into being a hermit and waiting to die.. i couldnt sleep for the longest time because always had dreams of it all.. had a good long spell of everything not going right and had my boss screw me over by stealing my software i built for the company by myself and dude fired me then put a restraining order in against me so i couldnt even get back to thr office or anything to do anything about it.. just a life of selfish, thieving, immoral bastards...

[@willpowerman8817]

So if you could have children, would you want to bring them into this world with the knowledge you have of how alot of humans operate?🤔 I sure hell don't want to

[@keithcrane469]

You've made some good points.

[@MsUniversoul]

Spoken like a true avoidant (attachment theory). Your experience around relationships confirm your core avoidant beliefs; independence and self reliance over intimacy.

[@Canadian_Eh_I]

interesting. do you see this attribute as a negative?

[@HappyBoY-fb9rg]

I am 24.i want to be single.but i am in a trouble with my mind.sometimes i need someone sometimes i want to be totally single.i think single life is free and no family issues.but i cant make my mind to be single.please anyone anyone help me to make my mindset to stay as a happy single man.please someone help me to be single

[@naidemuller8583]

It's nice to realize that these issues affect men and women (even if we have a shorter shelf life) :) I also just made 40 and I'm in the same situation. So thank you for sharing such an intimate topic!

[@loganwilliams6589]

Hello 👋

[@loganwilliams6589]

That’s a true love ❤️

[@Dan-di9jd]

I just turned 39 myself as a man. I'm very fearful that I will be single for the rest of my life and know that as each day goes on, I'm closer to living out that fear. I'm tired of feeling worthless and not good enough. I just want to understand why I was made to be single and I tried to approach women as well as I can. I think at this point despite the fact that I never been in a relationship, I know everything there is about a relationship minus actually finding someone willing to stay with me. I just wish to experience being married for one day. If I met a genie in a bottle, I would wish for 1 day, I could experience what life would be like as a married man with children. I would cherish it forever, no matter if the day was good, bad or the worst day of my life.

[@hetalkantawala6502]

40 single no regrets

[@brakmaster]

Hi just found your video. I'm 39, don't mind getting married but don't care for it that much. I would like to have children though in any case. Your video was very insightful.

[@GeraldGspack]

Am about to go thru this line in my life coz of the fact that i have invested alot of my trust to people who let me down all the time so it's unfortunate that this serious relationship leading to marriage isn't a thing for me i step out and get bored way too fast i am now 36yrs and i feel safer and better by myself

[@sacing3512]

dear friend you are a great person💐

[@omarbernal2408]

39 will be 40 on january . I feel sad that at this time I have not found "the right one" or married or having kids. But i see some married people and wow the anxiety and depression makes. makes me not wanna get married. I still would like to have at least one kid.

[@manosijroy8282]

Did you have a gf before? I am a 22 year old guy who never had a girlfriend before. I get no luck on dating apps as girls ghost me there and I was rejected by 2 girls in my college whom I liked. I messaged some girls on Instagram whom I knew in high school days and they are 19-22 year olds now but many of them ghosted and even blocked me and only 4 girls chat with me and only 2 of them both 20 year olds are sweet to me and we send each other virtual hugs and they call me sweet but idk when we will meet because we go to different colleges in the same city and I definitely want a real hug from either of those girls.

[@jennifergrimes2196]

Nice video

[@StudywithNainika]

❤️❤️❤️ from India,Ur thoughts are wonderful 👏👏👍🏻

[@JustinBrownVids]

Much appreciated.

[@thekirkc.a.humility5740]

I am single too.

[@aaronfitzgerald9109]

Im 37m and I really want kids but I have asperger syndrome, so I find it hard to find a woman who will except me and the dating apps are garbage

[@mariac6280]

Each to their own I believe, as long as you're happy. You're mental health comes 1st.

[@InnerPeaceFindings]

Relatable..i dont have the desire to have kids,never!I would rather take care of myself or take care a dog than having a kid.

[@Valerie-zm7zc]

Same well i personally facing schizophrenia treat and paranoid trouble I don’t wanna pass it by my dad ( bi polar ) side they have mental genes also I don’t even like birth ( the way it really damaged your body etc ) I’m talking has a women and also my period pain and extrem bleeding wich I’m on birth control … Also I’ve always been a loner compare to my step brother ( i am their godmother and big sister for me it enough ). I saw my mom struggling alone raising me .I do help her ( even if she is remarried ) … I ain’t close to my step dad never was ( never had any dad figure ) Currently getting back to school I’m studying to be a paralegal in Canada ( I do love crime shows crime case etc ) I’m more interested in criminal side .

[@JustinBrownVids]

Glad you’re finding your path and for sure having a family isn’t for everyone

[@adamlewis3729]

Wait up... SHOULDN'T love be co-dependent? I know men who say their wife and family means EVERYTHING to them! I even know one guy who's wife died in a car crash and he attempted suicide bc he loved her so much. Isn't love SUPPOSED to be everything?

[@kelebeksky]

Justinnnn we would be a perfect match 👌 😍

[@mopbrothers]

I’m 36 and never been married and have no kids. Will I become a unicorn 🦄 in 4 years? I’m looking for a girlfriend.

[@enriquevaldeza]

Keep up the good life 🎉…

[@JustinBrownVids]

Thanks so much

[@direwolf1977]

No wife happy life

[@joaniearc1186]

You sound like my kinda guy!! 😉🥰

[@bornwithoutconsentobviously]

When you say single, does that mean no intimacy as in, you know what I mean? Because I honestly can't believe that. No man, who is at least somewhat attractive and has the potential and isn't asexual, means single as in really being single without the benefits of what a relationship "could bring". If this is too personal to talk about, I understand. But it does make me wonder, so I just had to ask.

[@JustinBrownVids]

I think you're referring to celibacy. No, this video isn't about celibacy.

[@bornwithoutconsentobviously]

@@JustinBrownVids okay, well that does basically answer my question lol.

[@loganwilliams6589]

That’s so true

[@loganwilliams6589]

How are u

[@joekarate9424]

Give me the money and freedom!

[@medicated-hamster]

Tought is was the only one🤣🤣

[@franklinchenfranklin4840]

i'm 21 years old never married and no kids and children

[@zaproodas9626]

Forget it, it’s too late for you now.

[@yichispiritual]

Most people nowadays are lost and don't have a path. In that case, it is not surprising that they don't want marriage.

[@theaarongarcia]

Some people's path is not having children, which is really the only reason to get married.

[@earlgarcia6106]

3 kids, two different women, never been married. Always wanted the kids part, not really the marriage part. Sure, you could say I’m a piece of shit

[@guytiips3906]

Gen X​

[@Condemned439]

Most men I know that are married are miserable

[@tasneemayham974]

What about the Muslim vows? They don't pledge the "...until death do us part", and they can very well part with no hard feelings.

[@PatrickRams]

At 40 still have a chance to change your mind😂😂😂😂just kidding man...If is not for you is not for you....do you and have fun😎😎

[@JustinBrownVids]

Always time to change our minds for sure.

[@maybugz]

Yep still time for us guys. Not for women at 40 but if we get with a woman in her 30s, no reason not to start family if you wish.

[@PatrickRams]

@@maybugz Exactly,being a man has its "perks"😂

[@maybugz]

@@PatrickRams yeh im glad I'm a man getting older and not a woman, we're like wine, we improve with age!

[@Agnethatheredhairkid]

@@maybugz Not necessarily. Women are less likely to go bald and wrinkly!

[@Pacifica74]

Men can casually say they don't want to get married because they are able to get sex outside of it. Let's see how many men suddenly change their minds if every women kept her legs closed until vows are spoken at the altar.

[@JustinBrownVids]

Would probably lessen the incentives for being single.

[@MoonKingGamingMobile]

I doubt it will happen attraction isn’t a choice and people only have so much willpower especially against sexual energy the strongest energy on earth

[@funicon3689]

thats how it was before the sexual revolution. marriage rates were 92%

[@taneraldemir5635]

Join the club Im 34 never married , no kids.

[@tonika7543]

41 never been married no kids life is good.

[@JustinBrownVids]

Glad to hear life is good

[@satwik6328]

Wow this guy is 40 years old men I dont believe it 😱😱😱😱

[@JustinBrownVids]

Believe it

[@satwik6328]

@@JustinBrownVids brave man god is always with you 🙏🙏

[@george1449]

He looks like 37

[@funicon3689]

he looks 40.5

[@BillBiggs1]

@@funicon3689na he looks 41

[@funicon3689]

kids seem like a "nice to have" but id never get married

[@JustinBrownVids]

You can have kids outside the structure of marriage.

[@fenderson2192]

39 single no kids live alone

[@MariAna-hl3zd]

You are basically saying 'I don't want marriage as it will be easier to get out of this agreement'. Not marriage material statement so it's good you are not married

[@saskiaploeg]

😱

[@RIZFERD]

Man you look so old.. I'd be 40 within few months people keep saying I look like in early 20's :)

[@shahilagh]

I always have tears seeing anything about kids and babies. For a man 40 is not still late. So you likely change

[@adelaidemorningstar1870]

It used to be marriage would secure status in society for women ,, but now days men are now at a all time low in status,women don’t need or gain anything from this coupling, and sperm can be bought in a spray can, but having children can help you understand disappointment,heartbreak and deep and profound sorrow,,,,which could be a profound moment,or a great tragedy

[@JustinBrownVids]

That's an interesting insight about how marriage brought women status but it's not so much the case anymore. Also, I can see that having kids would bring the full range of human experiences. Thanks for sharing.

[@JustinBrownVids]

@@richmac6345 not interested in the comments to my videos becoming a place for personal attacks on people and general snarkiness. Usually I'd delete it but will keep it there for others to see.

[@adelaidemorningstar1870]

The world is losing connection with the old paradigm,,,it’s has nothing to do with me ,,it’s the way it is,,,,many women choose motherhood without men,,,

[@bhismpitamah267]

I am Mgtow since 45 years ,my best friend got divorced when he found that his wife cheated on him and got pregnant with her Boss ,he got divorced after 20 years of marriage and still paying the alimony for the wife and kids of other men every single month ,such a disaster of that man , I hope many man realise this and Never Get married,coz marriage is dead

[@Canadian_Eh_I]

marriage seems very risky nowadays

[@sushinuggets8475]

@@Canadian_Eh_Iit definitely is