Sister Wives #26 - (Parenting Probs) - Therapist Reacts

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

14:40 "People will gravitate towards being believed in. It's a gravitational force. You believe in me? OK, I will live up to that." What a beautiful sentiment, thanks Dr.

[@nope7560]

As a middle school educator with years of experience with troubled children, I can agree that “I believe in you” is one of the most powerful statements you can say to a young person. Even if you’re skeptical about it in the moment, it still needs to be said, perhaps even more then.

[@Alayhoo]

“I was just trying to figure out how to make their lives as miserable as they were making mine.” The emotional immaturity of that statement is wild. Both of my parents were like that. If they weren’t happy, which was majority of time, no one was allowed to be happy. And they’d literally say that. It’s really important to teach kids emotional boundaries and for parents to not make their children responsible for managing their parent’s emotions.

[@g.flesch9731]

IMO unfortunately, lots of kids end up having to manage their parent's emotions. It is a boundary issue for kids. Your kid is not a psychologist.

[@Alayhoo]

@@g.flesch9731 Exactly and I totally agree! I was raised by boomers who were never taught emotional intelligence. They were taught to suck it up and keep your mouth shut. Don’t rock the boat. What really helped me was reading that book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson, Ph.D. and her other companion texts with exercises and practical suggestions. I even gave it to my mom to read since it occurred to me while reading it that she too is an adult child of an emotionally immature parent and the book was just as emotionally validating for her as it was for me and helped her take accountability instead of getting defensive. That book helped me let go of so much resentment towards my parents and how they raised me.

[@ResidentMilf]

I'm pretty sure that was sarcasm, that's not usually Janelle's MO. IMO she's actually the most emotionally mature of the bunch. That sucks about your parents though, I'm sorry you grew up in that and I hope you're able to heal.

[@mommybreakdown]

Parenting is hard. Thank you for covering this, Dr. Honda.

[@g.flesch9731]

I am a grandmother. When it comes to physical affection, I like to respect the sovereignty of a person's body. I do not force hugs either hello or goodbye. I only give an occasional kiss on the head. If the child does not want to hug goodbye, do not force that. Sometimes the youngest will say I do not want to say goodbye & I wave goodbye & he will run to me & hug me goodbye but not every time. I think kids have needs for space. I understand Janelle wanting the boys to hug it out but I have learned that sometimes space is better & let the boys in time hug or not hug or give a verbal apology. But that's just Me!

[@g.flesch9731]

Dr Honda this is not a spoiler but these Brown kids are being filmed without consent. Kody wants to paint a positive picture of polygamy which I understood in the early seasons. But, making kids be the perfect presentation is an over bearing expectation from growing kids. Kids do things & think as a kid because they are still learning & growing. The part that Kody would have been harsher?? No. Kody simply does not parent & he wants to be the good parent who does not make things unpleasant because that is how he perceives his father parenting role. The wives are over & over saying that Kody is a better Dad than he ever was able to accomplish.

[@selfcarewithstephanie3519]

I'm a mom and I've never made my kids do that either. I never want them to feel they have to cross physical boundaries that make them uncomfortable.

[@betsybabf748]

Brothers that age, especially when they are that close in age, often go through periods of time where they bicker and fight nonstop over anything and everything. Then they go through periods where they are best friends. Our youngest three sons were one son then twin sons 11 months apart. They got parents who had already raised many children, including foster children, and a mom who spend years working in the juvenile courts, dealing with some very troubled children. They still managed to test every nerve we have at times lol.

[@IndigoBellyDance]

I appreciate your comments. In defense of Janelle she often worked 60 hours a week for the Entire family. As a single working mom myself, when u r overworked, u have no chance at winning parent of the year.

[@joerudnik9290]

Janelle was also going to school at times, and of course had a share of the child care/ housework. This, while being pregnant, also.😱😱😱😱

[@selfcarewithstephanie3519]

Logan isn't really doing well. He is being parentified worse than a Duggar kid. He is the dad. Janelle's comment was sarcasm. Be glad Kody wasn't there. Paedon and Gwen have never accused him of PA but When they describe Kody's punishments, it is very physical. This is not from the show, this is from the kids reacting to the videos as adults.

[@sarahp8937]

I cant imagine my parenting being filmed. I have a 2.5 year old and and consantly learning and evolving, my patience is tested daily and I'm 100% certain I've said and done things that I would cringe at. I feel for Janelle here.

[@SFO34]

Super appreciate your honesty here and I’m sure there are 1000s of parents who feel the same way. Keep growing and learning and thank you for being a parent who cares!

[@Homegirl354]

Janelle's boys have never had their own bedrooms, they always share rooms with each other and it's been indicated that perhaps that's part of the antagonistic dynamic.. they never get any privacy.

[@sarahemf]

When Mari says the whole thing about the “wait till your father gets home” as if it’s a bad thing and turns kody into the bad guy. The opposite is true kody because the good time dad and the mums discipline. Like kody was right there, and he kept doing his thing rather then support his wife.

[@denisia1111]

The couch interview happened months after the kids fight. Janelle's "trying to make them just as miserable" came off as flippant to me. It would be nerve wracking to rewatch your kids behaving poorly, 4 other adults opinions, and knowing the public would judge her parenting skills. I use sarcasm in uncomfortable situations and thank goodness it isn't filmed...yep that would suck.

[@helen.k]

Yes, sarcasm, that's how l interpret Janelle's comments

[@Alayhoo]

@@denisia1111 ohhh I never considered she was being sarcastic! That actually makes sense. I don’t know if I agree but that seems like a very reasonable speculation! I sure hope it was sarcasm 😳

[@KatieDoesCrime]

Would you mind adding these Sister Wives episodes to the Sister Wives playlist? I want to get started on it but see there are only 3 videos in the playlist right now. Not to be needy. 🙂

[@jjmsf]

the wives talking about kody would have been so much more strict in the situation???? he was there! he didn't say a word! delusional

[@inannanightingale9718]

Watching that struggle with the boys through a 2024 lens, knowing more recent events (from the news not the show), watching them going through these issues way back then was extra sad to me. Some will know what I mean, but I won't say what for those who don't know.

[@rf5464]

Noooo, Savannah even gets forgotten by Dr Honda lol

[@selfcarewithstephanie3519]

Poor Savanah, I swear I think Janelle and Christine are the only ones who remember she exists.

[@prchix]

😂

[@tinesess3521]

Wow, super interesting. i only remember Garrison and gabe being super close. I had completely forgotten when they were young

[@selfcarewithstephanie3519]

I love the relationship they have as they are older.

[@ashleyk3602]

This is one of my favorite videos of yours. The commentary on parenting definitely rang true to me.

[@angelrose6827]

I may be wrong but h believe Janelle’s role as dominate caretaker is somewhat new. In the past, Christine was the homemaker for all of the kids when they all lived together.

[@helenaf.3941]

Didn't Janelle leave Kody for a couple of years? I think I remember something like that. And then they moved back in

[@selfcarewithstephanie3519]

@helenaf.3941 Yes, but she was in school full time and working full time, so I would guess she still wasn't the primary caregiver

[@testing1-2three]

Agreed, I forget that Janelle didn’t really raise her own children when they were little. She had said so herself. She worked and that was the agreement. So she was definitely lacking in practice when the show started filming. No judgment.

[@lisanoell]

Having grown up with a ton of almost daily physical fighting between siblings, which I experienced as a kind of violence, I was super thoughtful about how I patented my own kids. I wanted my kids to know they did not have a right to someone else’s body except in self defense, that they had bodily autonomy, that no one had a right to use or manipulate or harm their own bodies. I didn’t have to yell at my kids bc the very first time it was an issue I firmly but lovingly removed them from the situation and made it clear that violating someone’s physical boundaries was never ok. And maybe my kids are just easier and less prone to fighting. Hard to know. But I’ve always been bothered by the Brown’s reactive parenting styles and even by the way they even talked to each other.

[@Soyunakaren]

Love your content, thank you so much Dr Kirk ❤❤

[@Amber306-qa]

Thanks!

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Thanks, Clearfield Vlog! Super nice of you.

[@Amber306-qa]

​@@PsychologyInSeattleYou're welcome 😊

[@testing1-2three]

Janelle would have considered “the kids were making her life miserable” because it was making her “look bad” in front of Kody and she was not “keeping his peace” and that is all she strives for. Pathetic.

[@BexarPrepper]

I always had my children say 3 nice things about each other after fight was resolved. Blessings

[@jjmsf]

learning about parenting is very interesting

[@thebowandbullet]

I can understand why the mother -- being more or less a single parent (father's not helping) to many kids -- may not have time to model/show good conflict resolution, but then again, imo, that's why you should never have so many kids that you don't have the time/energy to teach them basic life skills or provide for their basic needs.

[@kimm6589]

Janelle isn't the 'mother' among the wives, either. That's not a role she ever leaned into.

[@jennyduncan1863]

@18:20 converting hurt is so insightful with Janelle’s kids in particular. They are all deep feelers. They have shown Janelle is a worker for the family and is gone A LOT. Kody is gone A LOT for this family unit.

[@kat_likemeow]

Are you doing Love is Blind UK?!

[@EatHere]

Hey Dr. Honda, love the videos! I thought you said you were going to react to an entire season in one video? I was looking forward to seeing that format.

[@selfcarewithstephanie3519]

Me too. I like the videos, but I don't think I can dedicate years to watching them, especially when the series is wrapping up. There is a ton of nothing until season 16

[@StarlitScimitar]

@@selfcarewithstephanie3519is season 16 when Covid happens?

[@Twirlingbarbie]

"I was trying to make their life as miserable as mine" was obviously a joke, just like the joke about not having a toaster 😂 I'm not sure why they aren't landing with everyone

[@ikabby6482]

“That escalated quickly” 😂

[@Authentistic-ism]

Swirly is my orange cat's name, because as a kitten he would stare into the toilet bowl every time I used and had to flush it. He was entranced.

[@Alayhoo]

@@Authentistic-ism 😂

[@ResidentMilf]

😂 I have a cat that's obsessed with swirling toilet water too! But her name is Mittens because she looks exactly like the cat from Bolt.

[@coolkidsknit]

I know you’re deep in sister wives but the 90 Day fiancé happily ever after reunion was crraaazzzzy I hope you have time to react to it! ❤

[@StarlitScimitar]

Oh gosh yes

[@barbmoore6587]

I adore you...and well said from beginning to end...❤❤❤the children, must all feel somewhat misheard or invisible in some small ways...not because of quantity of children, but the difficult road they have taken, via religions,and adult competition... Sending blessings ...I had one child, and what can I say😂❤❤🤗I made many many mistakes...(she's now 48, in menopause) and first place she comes is to me ...❤❤❤😂😂😂

[@shadoejones3288]

My 2 older boys were CONSTANTLY fighting. One got a tooth chipped, one put a hole in my wall with a head, broken furniture. When the testosterone started, the fighting and competition. It only lasted about a year. Amazing that as young adults they worked together every day at the same job, they lived together until they got their girlfriends. They are 42 and 39 now and they still talk or see each other almost daily. But man, when they were teens I thought I would lose my mind!

[@TeresaMarie_]

I think something was missed in the initial part of the fight. Idk which boy is which, but the one explaining what happened said "I accidentally kicked Truely..." so it seems to me like the other brother was maybe trying to stick up for the little sister. 🤷‍♀️

[@alwayzjello]

6:23 it's called sarcasm.

[@Brebre7681]

Sarcasm is hostility disguised as humor

[@testing1-2three]

The only thing Kody has to contribute is word salad.

[@gabriela.s98]

LOVE IS BLIND UK PLEASE

[@ben361971]

If Kody said what Janelle said about making everyone as miserable as her....they would be all over him.

[@mariaberg3780]

Great reaction!😊

[@selfcarewithstephanie3519]

One of the comments on here about a funny cat reminded me of Garrison being a very proud cat dad. I don't want to post the family's charity of choice as that would give away another spoiler and that rescue has gotten quite a bit of money but anyone who wants to can donate to any cat rescue in his name Robert Garrison Brown. His cats were Catthew, Patches, and Miss Buttons. Miss Buttons was a senior he adopted a few days before his passing.

[@stephanied2452]

Please do Love is Blind UK

[@elyseparker5333]

I'm going to keep saying it - Better Help is unethical. They have sold information they said they wouldn't, they have historically underpaid their therapists, and many people have had terrible experiences with them. They aren't a good company and accepting money from them is something you should stop, given how often you have emphasized ethical behavior.

[@betsybabf748]

Other people disagree. Others have terrific experiences. Dr. Honda has already said he has done his research as a very experienced professional and supports the company so will continue working with them. You can choose not to work with them.

[@MelusineWinter]

Yeah, I watch his channel for entertainment but I would not ever pick him as my therapist. The better help sponsorship is just not a good look.

[@selfcarewithstephanie3519]

Il try to post this again but it always gets deleted. Look in your area for an FQHC. They charge on a sliding scale for the uninsured, under insured and non residents. Many people have no charge. The providers are there because they want to be. I was the CFO of a chain of them for several years. We have excellent insurance but my daughter still prefers to work with them.

[@elyseparker5333]

@@betsybabf748 I watched that video, but since it came out even more has come to light about Better Help giving private information to social media sites. I also think it should be called out over and over again.

[@margaretkahn1430]

Better help has sold customer’s data to third parties who target them during vulnerable moments. They are problematic and your support of them costs you credibility.

[@ETphonehome-xn5os]

Love is Blind UK next, please! 😀

[@thislifeinireland]

Dr Honda may we PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE request commentary to Love Is Blind UK!! 🙏🏻

[@nope7560]

Just a thought, but considering what actually happened with this family (and I won’t mention details because that’s not my place), there’s a part of me that realizes some of these videos are (not on purpose, of course), a bit.. insensitive? Knowing how things evolved in recent years with them, and then watching things like this isn’t difficult for viewers who don’t know, or for Dr. Honda, but it was tough for me and in a way, I wish Dr. Honda knew some of the details so that he could talk about them as he goes. At first I was kind of excited to see him blind-comment on the progression as the years go on, but now I’m realizing that it’s kind of.. depressing. I don’t know, just my two cents. I do wish he knew more of the details.

[@benexto86]

I realised as this went on, that Dr H is unaware of recent events. It does make it awkward and uncomfortable to watch. I’m guessing he will issue an amendment statement once he hears.

[@testing1-2three]

I find it fine to experience people on a positive light. I’m not hung up on the rest. We’re complex beings and a what a gift to experience that.

[@cestmarrant1]

I think that Janelle looks and sounds disregulated, and that's not going to be helpful, no matter what she says. Someone needs to step in who is able to be calm.

[@jjmsf]

having a calm parent would have been life changing for me. i will try to be calm one day

[@cestmarrant1]

@@jjmsf Same here.

[@hollid90]

Wow im early.

[@Albags38]

Does Dr K know what happened to G this year?

[@ElissaFreiha]

PLEASE Doc 🙏🏽do the new Love Is Blind UK season!

[@mariedouce7636]

I’ve only been watching Dr. Honda’s coverage on and off and my understanding is that he’s avoiding “spoilers” about the family’s future. Is he aware of the recent terrible events involving Garrison?

[@selfcarewithstephanie3519]

I think so. I also think he just needs to share ot with the audience. It's not addressed on the show and has nothing to do with any season 18 spoilers as he was still with us then. I think this would be a good chance for him to see someone on screen who seems to have it all, owns a successful business, owns his own home in an expensive area in his early 20s, a member of our military, close relationships with all his siblings and OG moms, and a great uncle would do this to himself. We see people like this everyday and being able to point out the signs could be a great help.

[@ukhtifideen1]

I feel like Dr Honda should definitely skip over anything Garrison given the situation...

[@betsybabf748]

He has repeatedly requested no one comment about anything that has happened to any of the family after the episode he is on, and has said how frustrated he is getting when people don't respect that, so this comment is not appropriate.

[@selfcarewithstephanie3519]

​@@betsybabf748and the rest of us keep reminding you a human life if is not a spoiler. His mods aren't removing the posts so maybe you could find a more helpful way to contribute to the conversations. No one has revealed any spoilers and once you hit session 16, there are a ton of them.

[@miahershkowitz2632]

I agree, especially because he doesn’t know. It may change how he feels about showing clips of him. I’ve debated whether it’s ethical to watch where he is included in past videos. I want to respect Dr Honda’s wishes and I know so does everyone else, but I think this is a special circumstance.

[@LiteracyFromInfancy]

Wholeheartedly agree … it’s not a LIght spoiler and as a therapist I am Sure he would want to be informed

[@happy_camper1664]

So sad that the boys end up seeming to have a good relationship, and then poor Gabe has to find Garrison after his suicide.

[@selfcarewithstephanie3519]

I still worry for Gabe. 😢