Couples Therapy (Showtime) #1 - Therapist Reaction

Dr. Kirk Honda reacts to Couples Therapy (Showtime). Includes clips from Couples Therapy.
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The Psychology In Seattle Podcast.
This content is for educational and informational purposes only. Although Kirk Honda is a licensed marriage and family therapist, this content is not a replacement for proper mental health treatment. Always seek the advice of your mental health provider regarding any questions or concerns you have about your mental health needs.

[@Chipiliro613]

Two years from now, there'll be a 'Dr. Honda reviews himself reviewing himself' video, I'm calling it right now.

[@Lily-cl6zk]

😂

[@lolo-ve9rd]

🤣🤣

[@leonyfourie3792]

I am with you on this one.

[@4dcab]

And I’d watch it in a heartbeat 🤣

[@alexandrasanchez2300]

It's time 👀 @psychologyinseattle

[@lisas7111]

From a non therapist: please do more of these 😁

[@peterblatz4675]

Yesssss. This helps everyone if you continue to react to this show!

[@alaricmckenzie-boone2502]

One hundred percent

[@MandyThomasson]

Agreed! Keep them coming!!

[@lucindabreeding]

Tangent: I recall a researcher on a National Public Radio show talking about feminine laughter. She said that women laugh in a friendly, warm or encouraging way around men to diffuse the potential for aggression. And that women are conscious of how careful they need to be in laughing *at* men, because if it belittles, it can put the woman in danger.

[@ivanad6199]

Wow I never considered this but I've been actually doing it my whole life... thank you ❤

[@emilylink7126]

No... I KNOW that I sometimes do that xD but I didn't know that there was a term for that! Humor is a great way to defuse a stressful situation.

[@NonyaSmith]

Security specialist and author (The Gift of Fear) Gavin de Becker has said: "At core, men are afraid women will laugh at them, while at core, women are afraid men will kill them." Everyone should read his book.

[@jotzu9055]

I noticed that. without the laughing, you seem aggressvie. and that is not feminine, and women have to be feminine, etc.

[@gakailyn9249]

Holds true for me. Scarier when it doesn't work. I have a story but it's long so I'll share if you guys are interested

[@shawnee3able]

I’ve had a lot of therapy in my life and my opinion is that this therapist is a class act. She knows exactly how to help. She’s experienced and does her job so well.

[@krystalroney]

I'm not a therapist or in training but I'm very fascinated by this. This is probably my favorite video I've seen thus far!

[@emmazandberg327]

Me too!

[@ktz5047]

I agree! You can tell Dr. Honda is completely in his element.

[@lucindainez8401]

Same!

[@krystalroney]

@@ktz5047 for sure! It was an hour long! I was thrilled lol

[@micheller6804]

You did a great job on this! More please...

[@emicaron]

As much as I recognize the pertinence of your vids to clinicians of all levels, I'm here to tell you (as many of us are) that your videos like this one are INCREDIBLY helpful in navigating day-to-day interactions. Your videos help me understand how to communicate more effectively with the variety of people I come into contact with as a hairstylist by day and bartender by night

[@mikemccarthy1638]

Wow ! I’d have loved to be the fly on the wall when you served my stepfather at nite and my mother by day !!

[@lvw7668]

Ooh...your poor feet❣️

[@miekekuppen9275]

As an introvert: your life sounds my personal hell. But thank you for doing not one but two very useful jobs.

[@susiecopithorne4215]

It’s awesome to see two really smart therapists with different approaches to the same interaction. This is gold

[@daniellewilliams9739]

I disagree. Dr Honda covers for abusers all the time. I don’t think he should be critiquing or teaching anyone.

[@et5895]

​@@daniellewilliams9739 He doesn't "cover" for them. He *treats* them. Just like everybody else who is morally deserving of therapy in your opinion.

[@mariawingren9919]

@@daniellewilliams9739 can you be more specific? Is there a video where he does that? If so, which video?

[@Metonymy1979]

Oh man, wait till Dr. Honda watches the rest of this couple's episodes. He's spot on with what he is saying about the dude. Dr. Honda, you god damn genius!

[@Authentistic-ism]

Wait till we meet olna's clinical supervisor!

[@keishapuryear8180]

Yaaaaas. This guy is wounded from his upbringing and his ego and aggression has served him well so he refuses to bridge the gaps he's missing in his treatment of his wife

[@keishapuryear8180]

He's manipulative and uses devalidation to control his wife

[@etherspin]

@@keishapuryear8180 bear in mind he is monogamous and wanted just annie for the night on his bday and she ignored his protestations and hired an array of sex workers including a dominatrix when she knows his first sexual experience was being dominated by an older woman who took him away from the family home at age 15 for a couple of weeks of statutory rape as a sexual object.

[@keishapuryear8180]

@@etherspin I watched the series twice and don't recall any mention of her hiring a dominatrix. I totally missed that. I did get the sense that he expected his wife to continue his insatiable fantasies of sex just because he committed to her. Sex should be for mutual enjoyment and not merely to fulfill one's dysfunctional needs.

[@MV-gm5er]

"Is this interesting?" Yes!! And as someone who doesn't pay for Showtime, accessible and educational!! Please keep these up Dr Kirk. Your vids really help during these tumultuous times. I think I'm going to have to lose my current therapist due to insurance coverage issues (boo), and I know you always say your content isn't a replacement for therapy, but if I find myself back in that zone in between therapists trying to find someone to take me in, I know whatever you upload will help keep me busy until then :) Thank you for your work and stay safe with this smoke

[@moomoocachoo9025]

Never heard of this, but an hour video is always a good thing.

[@arlenekatz2866]

99999999999999999999999

[@arlenekatz2866]

9

[@hellomeow100]

I miss those days where he uploads 30+ mins long of videos

[@veronicaperez3555]

Right!!?? I was like “okay dr Honda” hits like immediately lol

[@rosaliecharlotte6381]

(Tw) When i was hospitalized after i tried to take my life i was asked to talk about my mental health and what made me decide to try to take my life in front of a classroom full of university students. I agreed and was very open and transparent about my mental struggles and what was going on in my life and the affect it had on me that it hadnt worked and that i was still alive. I felt incredibly vulnerable breaking down in front of about 20 strangers who were staring at me and taking notes because i felt very much like i was a 'guinea pig' in this situation (not exactly the right words but i cant come up with words to better describe it, i hope it comes off the way i intended it to). But i wanted to do it to show the real side to mental illness instead of just textbook examples. It was scary but i hope that i contributed to their education in some way. If you made it this far, thanks for reading.

[@TheEmeraldLady]

That was very brave of you! I hope you're in a better place now

[@silver5866]

That was very brave of you to do, & I have no doubt that it impacted those students. On the wording that you didn't feel like you worded right: 1. I felt like the idea came through fine. 2. If guinea pig isn't quite accurate, maybe either {an unusual bug being stared at} or {a germ on a microscope slide}? Both would convey feeling small or vulnerable, & being the subject of intense focus (which can be intimidating, uncomfortable, nerve-wracking, etc.) Idk if either Bug or Germ feels right to you, but that's just what popped into my head. And again, I can't even imagine how difficult that must have been, & I'm honestly pretty impressed. Hope things are looking up for you; if not, I hope you keep in mind that the hard times can't last for literal eternity.

[@bethking1682]

I hope you’re in a better place now mentally ❤️

[@allysiren]

🥺 💕💕💕

[@savagevic]

Thank you. I hope that it helped you as much as I'm sure it helped them.

[@MuzzyBarker]

"There. A breakthrough." That's something nice for the therapist to latch onto. He expects his therapist to anticipate his needs the same way he expects his wife to. He doesn't want the responsibility of articulating his needs or his perspective. He instead puts the onus on other people to meet him where he is, and then is free to look down on them when they fail. Seems like an easy way to paint yourself as superior. It's difficult when the focus shifts from the couple to an individual. They are clearly not going to get any further unless this man stops stonewalling, but it has to be frustrating for the woman to sit and wait while the therapist chisels at that wall. Speaking of frustrating, I wonder that the therapist didn't jump on that word before graduating to "devastating." If I heard him say that it's frustrating when I bring up how he responds when someone's understanding of him isn't exactly right, my next question would address that directly. What about that frustrates you? What does it make you think when someone isn't completely right about you? It would give the therapist more information and avoid the opportunity for sparring. This is interesting. I'm more invested in this couple because they're doing the work, painful though it is. I would definitely keep watching reactions to this show. It doesn't seem to prompt as many throwaway lines as the other shows do.

[@mvlenaaa]

Well said!

[@ktz5047]

Someone needs to give Dr. Honda a check for putting us on to all these shows.

[@Chipiliro613]

....he has a Patreon

[@ktz5047]

Steven Killeen I am aware of that. I meant Showtime or TLC considering the amount of promotion these videos give to these TV shows.

[@nirvaniaquesada2044]

I’m not a therapist but I would still love for you to continue doing a series on this show, Dr. Honda. This episode actually showed good ways to handle confrontation and devaluation of women. Thank you!

[@parkerisles7256]

Did he really complain about his wife trying to fulfill his sexual fantasies when he can't even properly elaborate what he wants? If it doesn't hit the mark, talk about what went right and what you want to try differently!

[@theresuga]

Parker Isles also he seems to equate “she knows when I’m thirsty for a glass of water” to “she should be able to arrange a complicated sexual fantasy for me that I never clearly expressed”!!

[@angeladeluna]

I got the feeling he was trying to embarrass her.

[@kathyalex778]

If you watch the show, you’ll see he’s very childlike and expects his wife to fulfill his every need. He doesn’t care about her feelings, needs, and independence whatsoever. He’s indifferent and emotionally detached. She should leave him.

[@foreverinthekitchen8]

Watch the whole show, they make a breakthrough and he’s emotionally stunted because of severe neglect and physical abuse.

[@marshmallow4646]

Ikr....also some people are really into surprises, and that can work but you still gotta communicate....you can give multiple fantasies or scenerios or things you like and your partner can work off of that and still make it a surprise......but it sounds like she did try to go off of what he said but he was just a little bitch and didn't say he didn't like it atm and would like some changes and is now complaining

[@Authentistic-ism]

I'm guessing husband had to mind read and be hyper vigilant attending to his mother's needs and now expects partner to caretaker him in the same way. He feels owed his turn in a lifetime dysfunctional game.

[@walklikearobot]

very much agree with this take, because that's my lived experience haha. always having to anticipate what my mom's mood or opinion on something would be, always trying to figure out how she's going to feel about something, or about ME, and how I can protect myself against her criticism for a long time I really wanted a boyfriend, or even just a best friend, so that i would finally have someone on my side, someone who would care about my moods and how i was feeling etc but as I've gotten older, I've realized that that wouldn't really be fair to another person. ofc in a relationship people should be able to be considerate of each other and take care of each other and that's a positive thing, but being mutually supportive is different than just wanting someone to take care of me (which, for a long time, is what I thought I wanted)

[@celestebeale7946]

This was very profound. ;)

[@goodgirl140]

walklikearobot I have a father who growing up, had a strong opinion on everything in the world. From the big, to the small. Not only that, he could not recognize his opinion as an opinion. His opinion was simply the truth. We would walk on eggshells around him, and I memorized as much of his likes and dislikes as I could, and I had a mental catalogue of dad facts. He would blow up (not at us but the topic at hand) very easily, so we learned how to cater our conversations to the best of our ability to keep him happy. For you, it sounds like you wanted to find someone to be hypersensitive to your wants. For me, it made me very guarded in my relationships. I was always reluctant to talk about my wants and opinions before I knew whether he shared the same wants and opinions. As a result, I ended up with a lot of self centred guys who didn’t care to get to know me, and were happy to talk my ear off without ever asking me a question. It’s crazy because this topic has made me sort this all out in my head, and I never realized this before now. I thought my past boyfriends were total opposites to my dad, but it turns out I was still modelling the same relationship dynamic.

[@walklikearobot]

@@goodgirl140 reading this made me realize that I also have a tendency to not express my opinions on things until I know how the other person feels, then if we agree, great, and if we don't, I'll kind of talk in circles and try to say that I disagree without actually saying that I disagree (or just nod and say something generic like "oh, interesting" and not express my opinion at all) so that I don't... lose their approval? lose the peace in the conversation? or something. idk.

[@goosebump801]

walklikearobot 🙋‍♀️ Me too! I’m working on being aware of my own opinions and being willing/able to express them 😮

[@DepressiveCookie]

I actually like the idea of Dr. Honda reacting to this rather than some of the shows he's done. Especially the TLC shows that are edited to hell and back and twist interactions to fit a storyline. It's seems like it would be hard to get information about a person, if the facts/reasoning behind the behaviour are completely cut out. This feels more real.

[@lindasmith5015]

I vote more of this show. TBH, I watched the whole season and never understood what this couple was trying to achieve.

[@ppumpkin3282]

From just these first few minutes, I get the same feeling. It seems like a silly exercise where they are discussing semantics. Why don't they just come out and say what their goals are instead of hashing over old stuff.

[@smithmarina970]

Oof that's not good

[@keishapuryear8180]

I watched the entire series awhile ago so forgive me if I leave something out. This couple expressed in their first session that they've quit many other therapists and this is their last chance. Husband has never healed from the trauma of his upbringing. He fought his way unconventionally to success so he has an inflated ego and sense of entitlement to be worshipped by his wife for his financial success and believes because he provides she should have no concerns and inherently know how to cater to his every unspoken whim

[@RT22444]

@@keishapuryear8180 very well said, I feel like I don't need to read anymore comments now lol

[@keishapuryear8180]

@@RT22444 although I recognize his accomplishments he needs extensive therapy to break his patterns. He isn't open to adjustment or learning possibly because he never received guidance and thus doesn't accept any opinions or guidance besides his own. He will lose his wife if he doesn't change and stop expecting her to replace the nurturing he didn't receive from his mother while simultaneously objectifying her sexuality for his personal gratification

[@Authentistic-ism]

Not a therapist but please do more about these. we see even less of what a real session looks like .... Seeing realistic therapy sessions allows me to do better therapist shopping and your reaction allows me to set realistic expectations for therapy which are two things I am having trouble with on my own

[@srivijagan]

Dear Dr Honda, i am therapist in Asia. This was amazing insights from you. I am a patreon of your podcast. Cant tell you how much i have improved in the last 1 year hearing your humanistic approach in therapy. Your talks on different topics are very addictive. There are not many experienced senior therapist out there who have the time and interest to share their experience with others. Grateful for your innovative and interesting approach to teach therapy. 🙏

[@krystalroney]

Ooooh it's an hour! Yay!

[@mevludinandnikole]

You took the words right out of mouth

[@kellyc8786]

At one point about 44 minutes in you ask -is this interesting to you, the viewer. It is. This is really helpful. Everything you do really helps. I know this video is a lot longer than your other videos but I’m riveted. Thank you so much for taking the time.

[@amvguerrero]

Ha! If people are still watching 44 min in, does he really need to ask if it is interesting! :)

[@Miriam-rf4xv]

This is fascinating! Please please please do more of these. I wish I could like it 100 times. As potential clients we see even less couples therapy than students and trainees - it's really really interesting to see, plus helpful to give us an idea of what to expect.

[@meztlihernandez]

Please keep on doing Couples Therapy Reactions! My professor in graduate school also used this whole first season as examples in our couples therapy class, and it was excellent.

[@TheToriger]

Never heard of this show, but already interested! 😏

[@beatrizroman3452]

I thought this was one of the most interesting videos on couples therapy by far! Felt a lot of closer to reality than any of the other shows.

[@mmadarnas]

Totally agree with this! It feels more real and it’s way more interesting and probably most helpful as it’s easier to feel somehow related to some of the things we experience in life compared to other shows that are staged for huge drama.

[@Muakib]

I love this video, I learned a lot. P.s the husband is very defensive, it's interesting to see how therapists deal with difficult combative clients.

[@cyberlilute7731]

For me as a therapist this is a real master class, thank you!

[@Mimi-vy6wd]

Never heard of this show before. But definitely interesting! My partner & I are considering couples therapy, but don’t know much about it, so your input & this exposure will allow us to get some insight! I go to therapy & I love it, but ever since I started watching your videos, I feel like I’ve been making even more progress in understanding myself & others around me more & in dealing with conflict more effectively. I’m a big fan of yours, thank you so much, Dr. Kirk Honda!

[@LDrosophila]

His videos have helped me understand my therapy better and communicate better with my therapist

[@christinalewis3635]

The same her especially since my therapy session have been cut down because there are a lot of they have more of a case load

[@lisaess6514]

According to SHO it’s real and documentary style film making.

[@markiab5817]

Thanks for the info 👍🏾

[@Banaany]

I'm a therapist in a different field, but even I can see that you are an amazing therapist. After this episode, I think you're the best therapist I've ever come across. You're a real gem that you're sharing that wisdom with the world.

[@tonichan89]

Man, talking to this man must feel like walking on eggshells, the way he picks apart everything they say.

[@lisaess6514]

I wanted to punch him so badly and I’m the most non-violent person ever. The denigrating way he talks to his wife and the therapist must trigger something in me but I’m not sure it’s personal more on a how does anyone talk to anyone like that level. I wonder if they end up staying together though after 23 years with him maybe it’s just another day to her.

[@theupwardspiral1580]

@@lisaess6514 good lord. I keep having to take breaks bc i want to punch him so much lol

[@lisaess6514]

TheUpwardSpiral I have a friend who is a marriage and family therapist and I immediately called her after watching this show and thanked her for dealing with couples because I don’t think after seeing Mau that I could ever handle it.

[@theupwardspiral1580]

@@lisaess6514 that is so true!! Aww What a nice thing to do

[@jgirlinluv55]

He's a nightmare. He is abusive.

[@hms23193]

As a layperson, I loooove this type of video. It very interesting to see Dr. Honda get really into the video and explain a bunch of different topics. I am very interested in making this a series!

[@ilveutube1]

I wish I could find a therapist like you or who was trained by you. I’ve been to 4 different therapists and none compare to how much of an impact you have on me

[@lorraineweinstein1597]

This was one of the best reaction videos ever. And not too technical, in fact it was fascinating and very understandable (and I'm not a therapist). I hope you'll continue with this show.

[@ZsEuNmA41]

Do more of these, Dr. Honda!! I was bummed that you weren’t uploading more 90 day fiancée reacts vids but then I watched this and it was so interesting!!!

[@saski622]

I'd never even heard of this show, but I loved this video, even as a non-clinician. It was definitely accessible and such an interesting look into relationship dynamics. Out of your recent one-off videos, Couples Therapy and Smothered were my favorites, so I hope you continue!

[@whatsername465]

Agree

[@averybennet5295]

I'm enjoying this a lot and I think this series is a nice change from the usual reality shows you commentate on. You look brighter when you talk on this show as well. It's easy to see the passion you have for your profession.

[@widjadija]

I am a 24 year old college student and I know you say not to use these videos as therapy, but I do take notes and my emotional health and my relationship have both improved so much since I started watching you. I’m currently 45 minutes in and it feels like I’ve been watching 5 minutes because the dialogue you offer is so interesting. I’ve watched a couple other one-offs like the one where they date people in prison but this is by far my favorite one-off. Please react more to this show!

[@rosashapiro-thompson1235]

I'm so glad I found this! I loved the line-by-line discussion of these complicated encounters. So engaging, I'd love more of these!

[@janaR457]

Yes Yes Yes! I love this show ! I am so happy that you're reacting to this Dr. Kirk!

[@birdytvcertified]

Never seen it

[@janaR457]

@@birdytvcertified its really really cool.. maybe because I am a total therapy nerd but I really love it

[@birdytvcertified]

Jana Ras we are the same, I’m a therapy nerd as well and I’m proud 🖤✌🏽

[@janaR457]

@@birdytvcertified 😁💫 oh yeah

[@mathildevezina-bouchard6127]

Please continue reviewing this show! A lot of us would love to see some representation of what actual therapy can look like

[@loerussell]

I loved this series when it aired, and your analysis actually brought tears. please do more of these.

[@rosecox8115]

I love this! Keep reacting to this show, it is your bread and butter so your input is invaluable

[@TheNunududu]

I love this. It's not too technical. It's absolutely fascinating and I'm learning a ton. Out of all the new shows you've covered this is my personal favorite.

[@kellievisser867]

I really like the idea of this show as a reaction series!!! So many helpful bits of information in just this episode.

[@nonya5260]

Man I love the technical aspects of this video. It’s super intriguing to hear you just break down and analyzing your impression of of the dynamic cropping about between couple and therapist. It’s a cool dive into a topic I don’t often get to dive into like this.

[@Lexi-vy1hh]

I really thoroughly enjoyed this. I love your input on what is as close to an actual therapy session that we can have as an example. I hope you do more!

[@Jasmin-cr9ou]

I've never heard of this show, but I'm really interested. You should keep doing these!

[@alisat-h2058]

This was super interesting, I can’t wait to see him review this show more!

[@katrinachurchill]

I haven't been able to stop thinking about this ep. Easily the best you've done. Incredibly informative and engaging. Please do more on this series!

[@suvi2787]

Please, Dr. Kirk, more of this show. Love this. MORE OF THIS! MORE OF THIS!

[@jbee1116]

More please. I grew up as the mediator in my family. At first I was like the bad friend who gives lame advice, but Seeing how the therapist decides to Judo or Karate a statement is very informative for handling our closest relationships without blowing everything up.

[@jlm2122]

I really loved this show so much and it impacted me more than I expected going in. I know you always say you’d never do a tv show Dr. Honda, but I think if you were to be on this show, or one formatting similarly, it would be amazing! I hope you react to more episodes, especially the ones where the therapist is talking to her therapist.

[@Jalopeira]

Loving this reaction. Great, thrilling insights, very interesting, soothing, informative. Not a therapist myself but its was not too technical at all. Cant wait for more Showtime reactions. Seeing a glimpse into therapist point od view during sessions makes me realize many things about coaching sessions in which im taking part of.

[@mmadarnas]

This is incredibly interesting and useful. I would really love to keep watching your reactions to this show. I’m learning so much and it’s a wonderful approach to better understand what a therapist do and how you engage with clients to help them. Please, please, keep doing this show. It’s been so far one of my favourite reviews!

[@mollyvann4221]

I hope you continue with this show. I have already learned a great deal About how to de escalate an exchange and get back to the main objective. Very useful

[@fabl9794]

Omg I was hooked on this show! So sad there aren’t anymore episodes:(

[@williambaughman9224]

Fab L Check out ester perel's podcast "where do we begin"'. It's so so good.

[@fabl9794]

William Baughman thank you! I’ll check her out:)

[@CS-ow4gl]

It was fantastic and I learned so Much !!

[@H.S.P55]

Wow, this is amazing. I would just LOVE for you to cover more episodes of this series. I think these kinds of sessions are so interesting because you combine in-detail discussion of therapy-techniques - and the utterly interesting extra-challenges of couples therapy at that - with so much empathetic insight into how our childhood wounds shape our current relationship dynamics. It really couldn’t be more interesting.

[@emy5284]

That's such an interesting show to have your reaction on. I'm still a psychology student and being able to see "real" therapy and having it commented to understand how the dynamics can be understood and worked with is a real gem. Thank you as always

[@beeft4co]

I love the technicalness. You do a very good job at explaining it in a way that makes sense. This is the best episode of all the new shows!

[@LennartB81]

This was one of your most interesting videos to watch, extremely insightful. It felt like following an actual lecture/class.

[@ChristinaChrisR]

I agree.

[@starpiste]

I loved this series and definitely think you should do the rest of this series. The couples are all different and interesting and it shows therapy and the therapist in such a new way. This clip is actually from a few sessions in and later they show it again, but by then you do know a lot more about them. Please, please do more of these.

[@XxJaxxyBellexX]

So happy he decided to react to this show. I watched this series on Showtime and I had so many questions throughout.

[@whitney-romanadarnoud2326]

Not a therapist and also not one in training. I actually study law but I find this very interesting. I actually got a bit frustrated watching this, lol. Again not a therapist so just my two cents: When they wife pointed out that he was “doing it again” as a therapist I would’ve let that play out and after say something like “it’s ok you just did it again. We are here to learn”. This way I would’ve tried to make sure the husband felt that I’m actually not there to take sides and I’m just trying to be helpful. I also wouldn’t have used the word devastating. 1. Because it didn’t seem like he was devastated. 2. Because he seems VERY sensitive to words. Instead I would’ve just used frustrating since that is how he described how he was feeling. He also seemed frustrated to me (and angry but in the beginning he did seem sensitive to that word as well). If he would say “actually I’m not frustrated” i would say “mmm... that’s what I thought I heard you say earlier. But maybe I’m wrong about you being frustrated. So what would you call it and why?”.

[@birdiewolf3497]

I personally think he is pretty devastated. I think the word choice was correct in the abstract. She said it because whenever this sort of thing happens everything is ruined for him. Simply because that's not an adjective he would use to describe something, we can't take anything else away from the conversation. I mean I'm not a therapist, but I've been to therapy. And I feel like there are always moments where the therapist would not completely identify the emotion or correctly understand the situation. And my reaction to that isn't your wrong and your stupid, but usually I agree with the general direction and kind of fill in the gaps. He on the other hand, he doesn't want to fill in any kind of gaps. He is very much "if you can't get it all the way right than it is wrong." Instead of being like "well I don't feel devastated what emotion do I really feel when this happens?" Instead he just wants to talk about how that was the incorrect word choice and how the person is wrong for using it. Now should she have actually used that word? No. I think Dr. Honda's style is better in dealing with someone like this especially because he seems to be under the impression that for any kind of good/close relationship to work, the other person needs to just know what he is thinking, feeling, or needs. And he never seems to be the one who actually has to articulate his needs or emotions. Like with the birthday mishap, "it's she got the sexual fantasy wrong. If she actually knew me she wouldn't have gotten the sexual fantasy wrong." But he never offers what exactly he wanted vs what was actually delivered. Or when the wife said it sounds like you want me to mother you, and he instead goes off on his whole profound tangent instead of being like "that's not what I meant. Here is what I meant." It kind of reminds me of the age old couple's fight of where do you want to eat. When one person says their down for anything, but then rejects their partner's suggestions without just saying where they want to eat because they can't identify what they really want. They need someone to say the right thing for them to really identity that. He seems to have trouble identifying his emotions and needs or he has trouble explaining it. Which is why he longs for a relationship where a person can do that work for him. So a more judo style approach would help address several different issues at once.

[@gakailyn9249]

I agree with your analysis, and I also speculate that the therapist did that on purpose. Dr Honda has a much different, softer approach and that's his style. He called this therapist brave and I'd describe her as more of a "karate than judo" type therapist. I think it was a calculated move to test her hypothesis. She said he jumps to devaluation and is sensitive to ppl "not getting it just right" but if this is their first session she couldn't know that for sure unless she tested her hypothesis and collected data. That he "did it again" confirmed it. I wouldn't say it's unethical, but it is more abrasive. Though I do think it could be a useful technique if she uses it sparingly and mends the relationship each time afterwards. It's a ballsy move so I'm curious to see how she executes it.

[@lillimango51]

I would be so frustrated being the husband. He just opens up about something non aggressively for the first time in this session, correcting her that devastating is not the right word, that this is not what he is describing, but no one is listening, the wife just jumps the scene laughing and calling him out rather than just letting him finish his points. That is her strategy of devaluation for him

[@lavinder11]

@@lillimango51 given his description, he actually is devastated, but the use of that word is emasculating (in his mind). Very fragile ego, that one.

[@lillimango51]

@@lavinder11 my point was more, that none of the two actuaöly shows honest empathy and interest in what he is saying by starting to talk themselfs instead if letting him explain.

[@TheNunududu]

And I loved that this was an hour long.

[@surrenderjones7439]

This was so fascinating! Please keep going with this series. The couples are all so different and it would be so insightful to see how couples therapy isn’t the same for everyone, even with the same therapist.

[@anapm2927]

Yes! please more of these! It's a window into something we don't see very often and it's fascinating both in and of itself and in seeing how you perceive it! Your love for your craft shines through! Educational and inspirational! So yes,more !

[@yendrickporras4516]

OMG!!!!!! THANK YOU DR. HONDA!! I've been waiting for this for so long, so happy you did this! I've watched the show and it was definitely something.

[@angelaraymondbanana]

I like this format! I'm loving all the new content lately.

[@1stdaughter]

This is QUALITY programming, Dr. Honda. More of this please.

[@Spaceey_]

Really hoping you continue with this series!! Just finished watching couples therapy and have been craving more. This is also so helpful and insightful and I love hearing from multiple perspectives.

[@sarahweinstein3263]

I’ve been waiting months for this!!! Please do the entire show.

[@rachelr3284]

I'm currently in school for psychology and this is fascinating, would love for more episodes commenting on this!

[@eunicechoi9252]

Please keep reacting to this show!! I’m definitely not a therapist but I absolutely loved this show and am LIVING for your professional insight

[@monicaloughman1284]

Please do more . It’s fascinating. Just learning the language makes me sit up and want to take notes . Thank you :)

[@NotAMuse]

This was the most helpful new venture you’ve taken. I have challenges in therapy and find myself perseverating over things and find my therapist too soft in letting me ramble so hearing your perspective as a therapist helps me realize how I come across and how I can better communicate to my therapist. Please please please continue this series!

[@CLGevers]

Please more of this show! This was an awesome long video and super interesting!!

[@soulgrateful_kels]

Yes, please continue this series! As someone who has enjoyed every video of yours that I’ve watched (which has been A LOT) as well as someone studying counseling psychology, this was so so compelling for me. Keep doing the good work Dr Honda! You are so appreciated

[@mandi4794]

How did I miss this 2 years ago!? So fascinating Dr. Kirk, thanks for reviewing this!

[@anyapapa6927]

I really appreciate this commentary, and I enjoy the other reality television reactions. I think this provides an avenue to talk about more complex interactions.

[@barbarabenoit3667]

This is very interesting. It helps me understand, what to expect from Couples Therapy. I always feared the therapist taking sides. Good to hear, that good therapists are aware of that and deal with it in their style. Thank you!

[@Kosaiya]

This was really interesting to watch. I learned so much, thank you. I hope you continue to follow this series.

[@openyourmind3763]

Glad to see this episode even a year later. As a long time therapist that finds working with contrary personality disorders very challenging, this video felt like supervision and was very helpful...thank you Dr. Honda. Personally, this is much more valuable than other reality TV show reviews. I agree that therapists are sensitive but preserving the therapeutic relationship with challenging clients is very important, especially as research shows that is the #1 determinant in progress.

[@alexdalton4535]

how can this guy expect people to read his mind

[@tonichan89]

Haha my mom can be kind of like that in some ways! She doesn't tell people what she wants, really, she just becomes annoyed when they don't act out what she had in mind. She's also hard to read af. As a result I've become very sensitive/vigilant to the vibes and emotions of people around me, which can be very handy but it is also very draining.

[@GiShinso]

I’m an LPC associate and I loved watching this show and hearing your thoughts about the session. I don’t work with couples, but what drew me to this show was the use of real clients, and the clinicians modality which I believe is psychoanalysis if I remember correctly. I would love to watch you do more reactions to this show, especially since it’s getting a second season!

[@robertasjankauskas6736]

Please make more! This is very very valuable material! Thank you for all that you've done Dr. Honda!

[@JudyAnne741]

Great reaction video! More bearable than just watching the show on its own, and live how passionately Dr H reacts. Please do more of these!

[@anxiousniamh2199]

Or maybe his wife got a compliment and he doesn't know what to do with the fact that his wife actually has thoughts and value :) Edit: I'm glad she (kinda) agreed with me

[@robyndelmage952]

I'm jazzed seeing you finally get to analyze a couple actually in therapy!

[@teresamuniz6609]

I recently found Couples Therapy and being able to recognize their patterns as the therapist points them out has changed my life. But now having this extra layer of analysis from Dr. Honda is like five cherries on top! Please continue to make these videos about Couples Therapy!! They are incredible!

[@whyswaldo]

MORE MORE MORE!!!

[@rrdcreates]

“It’s not devastating, that’s an improper use of the word.” - after just talking about how he jumps to devaluation. So you think your therapist is dumb, but you’re sitting there for her assistance because your marriage is “perfect”? Just wow.

[@NotAMuse]

I get you. Like Dr Honda said, this guy’s defenses are too strongly built from a lifetime of experiences so it’s gonna take a long time to build trust and talk about that aspect of his personality without destroying the therapist’s relationship with him.

[@lucindabreeding]

This man triggers the fuck out of me. It can be so exhausting to relate to someone who demands this kind of precision (even knowing that someone rejected THEM when they failed to be precise.)

[@liliaricci9348]

It's a *little comforting to know someone so pretty and observant can still be treated and talked to like that. It reminds me that it's really not her fault her partner is an idiot. That dude is annoying.

[@essendossev362]

Yeah he's triggering to me too. It's just like every interaction with a man where I end up feeling belittled and like I have to prove myself to him. I loath interactions that bring that out of me.

[@lucindabreeding]

@@essendossev362 I tend to be like this. I was brought up by hyper-critical parents and a grandmother who could make you feel worthless if some little detail was out of place. Ask me how many hours I've wasted ironing pillow cases!

[@charz8764]

This is amaaazing!! I told my therapist about you today and about how you helped me have some huge realizations about schemas and core truths that I’ve carried from my childhood. Thank you so much for sharing your gift with the world

[@daniellewilliams9739]

Yeah. Wait until you watch his other videos where he encourages and covers for abusers. He is an enabler when he finds an abuser he likes. Don’t be fooled.

[@fuckingpuking6921]

please, please, please, please continue with this series! your commentary is so insightful and fascinating. love this upload

[@daniellewinn5774]

This is my new favorite thing I've ever watched on this channel. Absolutely fascinating and helpful, please make more.

[@carolynford6247]

This was amazing. It was incredibly interesting and helpful to see a therapist explain someone who has narcissistic behaviors and thought patterns.

[@DodoToutDoux]

Yes, Dr Honda. This is very interesting. I’ve tried couple’s therapy with my husband, and it’s fascinating to see how other couples experience it. Dr Honda, because of your teaching and knowledge, I am now considering studying psychology. ❤️

[@luminescencyy]

Please keep reviewing this show! So interesting. Love the insights.

[@maristevens2]

Love this. I would love for you to do this entire series. SO good. I see families and all of this applies.