Six Murderous Beliefs (Full FREE Short)

[@bridgetsilver7332]

“Any time you believe you feel lucky, look out for MURDER.” I want this on my family crest!

[@RichardX1]

And that's why you should NEVER play the Lottery!

[@WaffleDragon]

Forget the curve, 80 mph in a 50s car in a straight line sounds scary enough.

[@Nightweaver1]

Who needs seatbelts when you have 5,000 pounds of American steel and an incollapsible steering wheel that will punch right through your chest in an accident?

[@WaffleDragon]

@@Nightweaver1 (\

[@allegedlyfalse6779]

This is one of those shorts that actually does bring up good points, but does it so ineptly that nobody can take it seriously.

[@Flike245]

If tablesaws are so dangerous, why did they all use one to part their hair?

[@kazumahazeuzumaki]

Nice.

[@kanna-san.]

Damn son

[@captainyossarian388]

Zing!

[@negascoot23]

If short educational films from the 50s have taught me anything, it's that table saws were used by everyone for everything back then.

[@yurisuika]

The most murderous of beliefs is thinking that corn is grass.

[@garysuarez9614]

Since tomatoes are fruits salsa is a fruit salad

[@Jesse__H]

Put grass in straws. JUST DO IT.

[@haleymist09]

We never got an answer 😪

[@haleymist09]

We never got an answer 😪

[@eliseives345]

But corn IS grass!

[@nooneofnote8453]

Johnny grew up to be a railroad safety expert, questioning why don’t folks look to this day

[@gohawks3571]

Why don't they look? AaaAarrrrGgggg!

[@JamaicanCastle]

Hotplates are boss, they're cool! Until... *_AUUUUUGH_*

[@CyberKnight1]

Remember, shaking hands with danger can be deadly.

[@cjhedrick6418]

*strums guitar*

[@Shadeogray1113]

@@cjhedrick6418 Ba-Dum-Bum-Ba-Dum-Buuuum

[@abitofabitofabit4404]

Not as deadly as marrying Mr. You'll-Do-Wrench.

[@fantom5894]

Edged weapons can be deadly too (RLM reference!)

[@thegoogler8455]

But is it more dangerous than dynamite?

[@chillydawgg4354]

Here's a switch for the radio, since as a woman you need to be at the sink all day

[@HylianFox3]

Her life must be hell. She's probably upset that the shock didn't kill her...

[@skeetsmcgrew3282]

He cut a hole in a wall and ran wiring so somebody could turn a radio off and on 12 feet away. He clearly just wanted to show off his amazing electrician skills

[@stephen3164]

If he just bypassed the switch on the radio itself, and extended it to the wall, then there shouldn’t be 120V going through the switch itself. Also: “Oh great, now every time we want to turn on/off the radio, we need to walk to the kitchen sink and flip an unlabeled light switch. Brilliant design, idiot. What’s next, move the doorbell button to the bathroom to activate whenever someone flushes?”

[@lulungameena8817]

@@stephen3164 Maybe he did all that, but forgot that it's near a sink, and whoever wanted to use the switch probably has wet hands. So it's perfectly placed since electricity, water, and amateur electricians go so well together. Next he'll install a garbage disposal switch on the wall with the radio, for when you want to run the disposal but are busy changing the radio station.

[@negascoot23]

@@lulungameena8817 This begins to look less like a convenient labor-saving device and more like an exceedingly complicated way to commit the perfect murder.

[@RoyJohnsonReady]

*SIX MURDEROUS BELIEFS!* Only two of them died.

[@Evil0tto]

Hey , SPOILERS!

[@gnussyflarkin]

I guess the other four were just....LUCKY!!!! Or maybe it had something to do with the law of averages?

[@richmcgee434]

And neither of the dead ones were murdered. Those were suicide by stupidity. I'm reasonably certain the film makers don't know what "murderous" actually means.

[@beauwalker9820]

Only two? I feel ripped off.

[@negascoot23]

@@richmcgee434 As if theories and beliefs, regardless of how wrong or stupid they might be, actually possess intent and will...and *want* all of us dead😂 It's just advertising: "Murderous" is quite simply more eye-catching than "Potentially Dangerous To Complete Morons".

[@furonguy42]

I love that “Law of averages”, “The other fellow”, and “I’m lucky” effectively all boil down to the same fallacy. They should have called this “Four Murderous Beliefs But We Were Commissioned To Make A Film About Six, So We’ll Reiterate One Of Them Several Times and Pretend It’s a Completely Different Thing”

[@AtheistPirate]

The biting sarcasm in "Law of Averages" dad's voice made me think he was being careless out of spite. He would've gladly sacrificed the whole arm if necessary to dunk on that walking liability he calls a son.

[@nickfarmer2452]

"Your number is up" is the pessimist's version of the "Law of averages". Sometimes _you're_ "the other fellow", but what can you do? It's just the luck of the draw. This list just keeps getting shorter.

[@jaohonaxa]

Honestly I feel like Your number is up fits in with those 3 as well. So it would be 3 Murderous Beliefs etc. etc.

[@mauruhkatigaming4807]

@@jaohonaxa Hell, let's knock it down as far as we can go. "The Price of Progress" is really the nerdier version of "Safety is for Sissies," when you think about it. They both boil down to "safe behavior is an impediment to glory, and should therefore be the provenance of lesser men." There's two, do I hear one?

[@s_nunyabiznez]

@@mauruhkatigaming4807 Don’t do anything, EVER. It could KILL you

[@paulg6268]

I watched this short while being chased around by a drunk guy in a forklift.

[@Evil0tto]

0:42 "Three, Sire."

[@Agent57000DM]

Once again, Rifftrax has found a short that will make you say "What the hell did I just watch?!"

[@aedwardsss]

Muuuuurder!

[@darronjonesii637]

They do it to ya every time!

[@Shicksalblume]

Still makes more sense than anything ACI ever did.

[@woodsplitter3274]

It had a dark tone alright.

[@tanisdevelopment]

What the hell did I just watch?! Hey, you're right!

[@robertdiotalevi285]

This should have been called "Six Murderous Beliefs Looking For a Script."

[@Gunwitch666]

"Those giant dice came out of nowhere!" 🤣

[@Oppeldeldoc1]

I'm almost glad I was alone during "I'm trying to grow a rhino horn," because it really got to me.

[@moonymonster]

Same

[@VictorGonzalez-xs9oc]

Yeah, I saw on a guy hair when i heard this joke.

[@C.V317]

The Darwin Awards, 50s style

[@richmcgee434]

I honestly don't know who really deserves the award between the amateur electrician or the supposedly adult woman who doesn't dry her dripping wet hands before playing with an uncovered electrical switch. Maybe they get to share?

[@C.V317]

@@richmcgee434 my money’s on the man who uses an electric saw without a guard because of a law of averages he literally just heard about. I know, whoever still has fingers AND sensation in them wins!

[@richmcgee434]

@@C.V317 I love how he first dismisses the concept and then blames it when he saws of his fingertip.

[@negascoot23]

I vote for Miss "When Your Number Is Up". I mean seriously, how the hell did she live so long if she really believed that? It would mean that she has eschewed all common sense and safety procedures for her entire life, trusting fate to keep her alive (or not). Wouldn't simple self-preservation instincts override this idiotic belief? Even the Pope still wears a seatbelt 😂

[@C.V317]

@@negascoot23 she heard “Que Sera Sera” and just ran with it!

[@doslover]

Hey, $20 in the couch, lucky me! Oh no... MURDER isn't far behind!

[@HylianFox3]

20 dollars can buy lots of murder!

[@DouglasJohnson.]

It's amazing to think that cramps from a hotdog would be so painful, that you would rather drown than swim.

[@VeraBean]

Maybe she was cramped with the knowledge that the FDA has an acceptable amount of rat hair/feces that they allow in hot dogs, and how many maggots/fly eggs allowed in ketchup.

[@ergogrrl]

I think the idea is that your hot dog cramp so bad, you’re unable to move, speak, or do anything but silently lament your foolishness as your pain-paralyzed body sinks to the bottom of the pool and you asphyxiate on chlorinated water and shame.

[@moonymonster]

Did. You have to do that to ketchup. Hotdogs I know are disgusting but ketchup??

[@stephen3164]

I could have sworn that “no eating 30 min before swimming” thing was “recently” (*this century) proven to be false. As for the hot dogs - well, rat hair isn’t the worst ingredient, but damn are they tasty!

[@typacsk]

"Oh, I know you're just gonna eat that hot dog *'a little bit.'* With 'a little bit' of mustard and 'a little bit' of diced onion--" "AAAAAGH" "Why don't they look?"

[@kevinbarksdale7897]

"Accidents" can always happen to the other fellow, if you are the one making them happen. Machiavelli paraphrased

[@sclarin2]

Get out of town accident lover

[@fireriffs]

The father in the law of averages segment was remarkably calm after cutting off his finger. He should head up the short, "Self Restraint and You."

[@hoomanm6807]

I read that as 'father-in-law of averages' :D

[@typacsk]

"Emotions are for _ethnic_ people."

[@negascoot23]

@@typacsk "Dad, I had a feeling today..."

[@AmyLSacks]

Now they call him... 🎶"Three-fingered Joe..." 🎶

[@Rodanguirus]

I love how he was telling his son why safety measures were important, then just kinda decided to ignore them anyway, then got pissed at his son. Like, it seems set up for the son to do something stupid that gets his father hurt, but no, the dad just decides to ignore everything he's just been saying, and then somehow act like it's the son's fault.

[@random22026]

WOW. 🎵Shake hands with MURDER.🎵

[@elizabethperry2622]

Gu-dunka-dunka-dun

[@AGirlofYesterday]

Gotta love the 50s, when scaring the absolute bejeezus out of kids was the cornerstone of education.

[@mikezylstra7514]

cramps from swimming and poking out an eye. Heard it a million times, never saw it happen.

[@Valzahd]

So remember kids: Death is an inescapable inevitability that can strike at any moment. Truly, we are but fragile glass figures in the unrelenting, merciless chaos of life. Be sure to grab some soda and popcorn from the concession stand!

[@BlackMasterRoshi]

for some reason the internal voice I heard while reading that was Mike.

[@Valzahd]

@@BlackMasterRoshi I was channeling a bit of Mike there, ngl.

[@AtheistPirate]

If it's not swimming in butter and smothered in salt, you're not trying hard enough.

[@henrymccoy7171]

@@AtheistPirate (=cough=) My heart - !!

[@JamaicanCastle]

So go ahead, have fun with your lint trap! Nothing will happen to you - it'll happen to _the other guy._

[@KairuHakubi]

The great thing about these old shorts is they will sandwich extremely pertinent lessons (don't blame technology for your problems when YOU fucked up by being careless) with insane ones (don't swim after eating thinking it only happens to other people but not you)... that's an old wives' tale anyway. but anyone dumb enough to use that specific logic would not be capable of learning a lesson from a video. They'd be like "oh that lesson's for the other guy"

[@kanna-san.]

@@LTPottenger also by eating a LOT.

[@johnjamele]

7. "I'll work off that cheesecake later."

[@sporedoutofmymind]

0:39 "Three, sir." "Three!"

[@srbrant5391]

"What are you scared of, Johnny?" "MY FEELINGS!"

[@anthonyeldridge4358]

I love these Golden Age "Final Destination" comics!

[@rushifellpainting4631]

Death Hands a Hotdog is my new band name

[@speedandstyletony]

Love how the "other fellow" one is based on an old myth! It has been proven that you can eat and then swim. I always thought that was so weird as a kid. Mom can I go swim after lunch - no but you can go and run or swing out back. Never once did I get a cramp doing those activities which were as much if not more strenuous than swimming. Also love how the cramp hit her the instant she made contact with the water!

[@purdhupley7864]

My mom couldn't keep it straight if it was an hour or a half hour.

[@t1p9d]

And those cramps are apparently so debilitating that you can't even stand on the bottom or dogpaddle.

[@negascoot23]

The belief was that the process of digestion used up so much blood that there wouldn't be enough left to properly work your arm and leg muscles--thus they would cramp, and you could drown. This is scientifically untrue. Yes, digestion uses a lot of blood--but not nearly so much that your arms and legs would be debilitated.

[@somoneelse3488]

the "unpopular mechanics" riff hit me way WAY funnier than it should've xD

[@KyleRayner12]

+1 for accurately describing real stupid beliefs that regularly get people killed -5 for everything else about that short

[@sarah98917]

I mean, it isn't wrong

[@BlackMasterRoshi]

and plus another 5 for the merciful editor who kept it moving at a brisk clip!

[@KyleRayner12]

@@BlackMasterRoshi True! There was surprisingly little dead air.

[@sleepyhollow783]

Bill's "Flirty Death" lines at 6:47+ 7:56 were murderously funny themselves. So perfect. "Come to this lab often?" 😍 🤖🤵🤖

[@scottlarson1548]

@7:02 When shorts write their own jokes: "All set. Now you won't have to go over to the table to turn the radio off and on. This remote control switch will let you do it right from the sink."

[@DouglasJohnson.]

I've been a longtime fan and supporter, and the fact that you still give us free stuff like this, is beyond generous. This short was amazing and the riffs had me barking with laughter. Can't wait for the live simulcast on August 18th!

[@Adamguy2003]

Yeah, I LOVE that they are being so generous with all this free content!

[@bazzer124]

All the free content interrupted by 14 ads in 12 minutes. Cheers....

[@henrymccoy7171]

@@bazzer124 - Just one - and it was KZbin's fault, not our boys & girls at RiffTrax.

[@bazzer124]

@@henrymccoy7171 totally. Just mocking the propaganda. Cheers....

[@henrymccoy7171]

@@bazzer124 - Thank you, bazzer 124 - you are a gentlebeing and a scholar. (I'm bound to be at least 50% correct on this one, eh?)

[@dadahyena]

Nice to see the Crimson Ghost doing PSAs when he's not stealing Cyclotrodes or posing for Misfits merchandise!

[@tskmaster3837]

"I wonder if the price you paid was worth it." I wonder the same thing about your haircut.

[@gsigs]

This is so obsolete. We now know that swimming after eating does not give you cramps. And running in front of moving cars only leaves minor bruises.

[@daffers2345]

And cancer has been cured, you know :B

[@carolnahigian9518]

wha-????

[@JamaicanCastle]

And everyone knows electric shocks don't kill you, they give you cool lightning-themed superpowers!

[@setharnold9764]

There's so many great lines in this; my favorites: "his name's Aldrin, he might punch someone, check it out" "Shanghai opium den" "He's giving off a strong two percent vibe" Emo Phillips

[@daffers2345]

"Why the lithograph of Willem Dafoe?" XD

[@minxstole93]

"What are you scared of Johnny?" "MY FEELINGS!" 😂😂😂

[@gingerfoxx1476]

I appreciate the UHF movie reference in this one. Silly Emo Phillips. I hope they saved your thumb.... 🤣

[@kazumahazeuzumaki]

Boy, is my face red!

[@gingerfoxx1476]

I think it's on the floor... somewhere....

[@drak347]

Yessss!!

[@SomeOrangeCat]

Seven, if you include drinking Mitchell's beer.

[@TooLateForIeago]

That was the safest table saw I've ever seen!

[@rabidguineapig]

"Just call me Mr. Butterfingers" Dang it! now I gotta pull out my copy of UHF again! thanks for that! ....no seriously thanks for that!

[@reesetorwad8346]

3:24 "Captain, please restrict your talk to matters of safety..." 😎👍

[@RobPryme]

"Just call me Mister Butterfingers." Nice UHF reference at 6:12! "Boy, is my face red!"

[@johnjamele]

If I watched these films when I was 12 I think I would never have left the house.

[@praywithpio6028]

Most accidents happen at home. That's why l moved.

[@garysuarez9614]

oh boy...more cautionary tales from the 50's. Prof. Forrester doing interpretive dance with TV's Frank speaking beat poetry about the inherent aliveness of sound waves is probably more informative...

[@LetsGoToThePark]

The Emo Philips reference made my day lol Rifftrax always bringin' that A-game.

[@exodore2000]

Everyone remembers the amazing cancer cures of the 40's and 50's.

[@stephenluttrell8958]

LOL, yep, just cut everything out and if it comes back, cut more out.

[@Deadxman616]

Chemo therapy....

[@dsprocks]

@6:08 - "Just call me mister butterfingers" love the UHF reference by Kevin, absolutely classic hilarious movie starring Weird Al and featuring the musical scoring of John Du Prez who also scored the 1990 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie and both scores are fantastic.

[@thexalon]

With that line delivered hilariously by Emo Philips.

[@favoritemustard3542]

@@thexalon ...& the best work Michael Richards ever did!

[@negascoot23]

MST3K in the Joel Hodgson era used to reference Emo Phillips all the time ☺️

[@peachy_lili]

@@negascoot23 the man has retweeted two of my tweets about him and it's the highlight of my existence. in one of them I said he must really enjoy being told he's the spirit animal of weird people on the internet

[@negascoot23]

@@peachy_lili Are you referring to Joel or Emo? Either seems plausible 😂

[@michaelk8860]

Absolutely LOVED the Emo Phillips in UHF reference. An obscure one to be sure, but excellent all the same.

[@jonathanbethards3689]

I really, REALLY, needed the laughs today. The guys never disappoint when I need a mental boost.

[@stevenalexander7309]

"What were the 6 things we were supposed to take care not to do?" "I forget, I put them out of my mind." "Oh well. Let's go drive a car with a bad battery around the lake a few times." 'Sure, right after I finish this lasagna and fried chicken."

[@PhilBagels]

One murderous belief is thinking that "It's your lucky day - it's time for RiffTrax!"

[@Satellite_Of_Love]

I love the kid with his arm in a sling who is so anxious to join the Twenty Minuters.

[@Teatime4Tom]

AHHH! Sudden close up!

[@micheljavert5923]

The '50s in the States were a very...special time.

[@karawethan]

This is the wacky world old people are referring to when they say things like "this country just ain't what it used to be"

[@richmcgee434]

The country isn't a whole hell of a lot better these days, frankly. It's just a slightly different set of insanely stupid beliefs ruining things these days.

[@himwhoisnottobenamed5427]

@@karawethan Soon enough we’ll be referring to the 2000’s as the “Good ol’ days.”

[@jdnaz1288]

@4:20 - "We should wait, because this is the 1950's...and as this, and other videos show, we women folk can't think for ourselves...we should wait for a man to show up & save us."

[@ShinGallon]

6:11 I love you for that reference.

[@jamescobb2624]

As soon as I heard the sound of the jet, I was waiting for someone to start singing "Back in the USSR"!

[@GiovanniTVTUBE548]

(9:13) This is my brain on drugs. 😂😂sooo funny

[@leodouskyron5671]

There is only two “Murderous Beliefs” - 1)it is okay to miss RiffTrax 2)it is okay to not support Rifftrax

[@kyon813]

3)It is okay to pirate Rifftrax, even if they'll call it even with a donation

[@eddieavilia2299]

"Death takes a dump on us all at some point" 😂🤣

[@davidlundquist1979]

I just pictured Marcus Aurelius saying that in Gladiator. Heck, that basically IS what he said, he just phrased it more eloquently.

[@MagicThys]

now, where did I park that forklift?

[@jaybirdjargon]

OMG that light switch scene nearly made me piss myself.

[@danielflynn8530]

Lol 😂😂😂 why the lithograph of William Dafoe? Why didn’t they ever think of a drowning by legs cramps in Final Destination.

[@undoneonion90]

😱 Those giant dice came out of nowhere!

[@carsonheschle642]

“Anytime you feel lucky, look out for MURDER.” Actually sir, that’s called OCD.

[@DanFloresII]

Wow! That UHF quote! Very nice, gentlemen.

[@user-os7ec4dm8x]

Never run into rushour traffic, Always wear a a parachute when piloting a plane, Never eat a hot dog before a swim. er what?!

[@luisreyes1963]

If they made this short like those schlocky Final Destination flicks, maybe it would be taken more seriously. 😰

[@robert_bbiii]

Johnny didn't follow safety getting out of the car. He just ran out into the street without looking to see if cars were coming.

[@HylianFox3]

By far the most murderous belief in this short is these people thinking they could act...

[@jackmonaghan8477]

Harry collided with James Dean going the other way.

[@patrickmuhwheeney6518]

I was assaulted and beaten by the concept that accidents happen, but managed to escape before it "murdered" me...

[@favoritemustard3542]

Lucky!!

[@favoritemustard3542]

You know, if someone would just murder murder, there wouldn't be any murder anymore! Golly gee...

[@Merylstreep1949]

I can always force down something good Omfg The name of Tom Servo's Autobiography lol

[@RhiWJ]

Whenever you feel lucky, look out for murder! Amazing! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

[@leab9435]

OMG I laughed so hard when she flipped that switch😂😂😂

[@fromvault801]

This short took my virtue

[@Olkv3D]

Table saw injuries are no laughing matter, despite what the uproarious comedy stylings on Emo Phillips would have us believe.

[@BenVarkentine]

They should run this short before the Final Destination reboot... 3:20 What about the poopie suit? 4:51 They tried to kill her with a forklift...ole! 11:22 Wait, that's 100% a dummy...

[@JamaicanCastle]

Most of the people in this short are dummies really.

[@hannibalsolo4409]

Murder, she riffed.

[@JamaicanCastle]

Can we scan back to the part where you're apparently taking life into your own hands by driving in rush hour? It's hard to imagine a safer time to drive, nobody's going fast enough to do any real damage!

[@skeetsmcgrew3282]

But back then a 10mph fender bender has like a solid 1/3 chance of snapping your neck and killing you

[@fireriffs]

Apparently whoever made this thought rush hour is the time of day when everyone is rushing around the roads at high speeds, not idling bumper to bumper taking 2 hours to drive 5 to 10 miles.

[@stephen3164]

To be fair, in LA there’s more freeway shootings during rush hour - though it’s almost always rush hour in LA, so the statistics might be skewed.

Only two percent of people get hurt in accidents so there is no chance I'll cripple myself when I stick my hand in a table saw.

[@SomeDumbKid1]

"Facedown in a Shanghai opium den" got me so good

[@ebwarg]

Three, Sir!

[@tskmaster3837]

"I'm lucky. The law of averages says it's the other guy. Your number is upping the price of progress. In the end, safety is for sissies." That's what I learned.

[@kazumahazeuzumaki]

Makes sense to me

[@daffers2345]

Don't eat hot dogs in the swimming pool

[@AsheReads]

I love you guys for that Emo Phillips reference 😂 I love UHF 6:12

[@riffranger]

The origin story of ELECTROMOM

[@diannemose244]

5:12 Beetle Baileys looking gaunt 😂

[@cannedcream]

Probably should have renamed this film to "Two Murderous Beliefs and Four Mildly Painful Beliefs"

[@skeetsmcgrew3282]

I wonder if a badly wired light switch in a 110v home has killed literally anyone

[@cicadathegod8277]

Okay but these would make banger album covers

[@Nightweaver1]

7:30 Are you all right, Ethel Mertz from I Love Lucy?

[@novabrilliant4510]

As the guys at the bike shop I worked at would say, "safety third"

[@stephenluttrell8958]

The only way to stop a bad guy with a murderous belief is a good guy with a murderous belief.

[@flixsymmetry]

MN proud to say I’ve been watching since the beginning! Thanks for the free post. It never ceases to amaze me what they deemed appropriate for school aged children or PSAs back in the day. Then again, perhaps we need these more than ever today 😂

[@MrGadfly772]

The constant message of the 50s: be afraid... Be very afraid... Of everything!

[@daffers2345]

I lost it at the first line on this one. Great job, guys! XD