Skyrim Kill Nazeem speedrun in

Aka 'Nazeem%'
2:22.01 retime
2:47 RTA
World Record on 14/02/20.
www.speedrun.co...
Watch live at / wazmannen

[@flobadob222]

2:28 Comes flying from the horizon, flames erupting from hands. Dragonborn: Arrest me. Guard, terrified: why are you letting me do this?

[@xbasgamesx]

I Do As The Crystal Guides

[@beingweirdisnormal1404]

I just see the Dragonborn asking the guard to arrest him with a look devoid of any emotion, and the Guard nervously shakes, confused. Underrated comment.

[@future1894]

@@xbasgamesx pfft- XD

[@yoshiking6027]

My reasons are beyond your ynderstanding

[@justin2308]

@@beingweirdisnormal1404 I can also imagine his hands shaking as he trains his sword of the Dragonborn 🤣

[@jackswanson6718]

far and away the most important speedrun of all

[@alexcavera6200]

I just saw the title and immediately liked the video. Truer words were never spoke.

[@rikovladimir8655]

fact

[@parker7767]

666 likes, now please hold it everyone

[@AnimatedTerror]

Parker no.

[@hararo6961]

The most prestigious and sought after record in speedrunning

[@almightyrob_7060]

Imagine traveling back in time to when this game was released and doing this in front of the devs.

[@bentonmarcum8188]

Devs be like, oh that? That’s something I put in there to play with on my lunch break.

[@ei9841]

Hahaha

[@notroxa]

i would pay real good money to go back in time and brutally force todd howard to watch me absolutely destroy his train wreck of a game

[@moonbyulswife3990]

@@notroxa i mean, Skyrim has its flaws, but it's not a total wreck. It's still a very nice detailed game that stands out even today. Sure, there's technical issues, but overalls it's good, so no meed to be so radical

[@notroxa]

@@moonbyulswife3990 yeah one time i killed a dragon only to see its skeleton fly off before i could loot it theres a place in solitude where you just. fall off the roof and out of bounds if you stand on one very easily accessible house

[@ImTheBestAustralian]

Nazeem: Ah! I've just been murdered! God in heaven: Do you get to the cloud district very often? What am I saying, of course you don't. *Sends him to Hell*

[@diabetes1191]

god: murders nazeem as well

[@Robin-wu3jq]

Underrated comment

[@eltarieljones2710]

One of the best comments I saw under this vid

[@Sans-pc1pm]

*Nice.*

[@yun1cornz]

You get what you FCKING DESERVE shouldn’t have been so annoying

[@MinillaIF]

We’ve bent Skyrim to its knees and beat it mercilessly. We molded the physics of this game to shape our needs. This is the final frontier of Skyrim speed running.

[@curtisdunn1854]

We've achieved CHIM

[@UncleHaul]

“Where the physics change to suit the individual and not the other way around”- Senator Armstrong

[@sunflowerguy3264]

He indeed awakened to a new state of consciousness

[@K4inan]

Its* it's is a contraction of "it is"

[@michaelcorleone2794]

@@curtisdunn1854 What is CHIM?

[@ReturnofBenjamin]

Love how there's absolutely no argument that killing Nazeem is a win condition.

[@loquenderojack]

Kill Nazeem it's actually a win condition.

[@antoniorezik4072]

@@loquenderojack it's the only win conditions

[@user-bl6oj1hl8i]

It wouldn't be if we got to the Cloud District more often. Oh, what am I saying. Of course it would!

[@ChickenRieder]

Well, there's no argument against it...

[@andrewpowell2730]

I think ive killed him and just gone to jail for it every game I play.

[@basicallylucid9661]

Bruh, imagine being that guard As you patrol the outer streets, some weird ass man just flies down, lands on the nearby river, zooms up to you and lights you on fire I would question my job

[@diabetes1191]

just leaps over the mountain with his hands on fire just to get arrested not to mention when you're about to tell him he's under arrest he interrupts you to tell you he submits

[@pianohelper8873]

Yeah but in that world dragons giant spiders werewolves vampires daedrics and divines exist. So its not really that questionable.

[@ak4708]

Sans Gaster anything goes in Skyrim

[@ak4708]

Better not to ask questions in the land of Skyrim

[@pianohelper8873]

@@ak4708 agreed. Talos guide you.

[@eclipse9304]

Alduin: "I fear no man, but that thing... It scares me."

[@eiras_1999]

Which one: Dragonborn or Nazeem?

[@eziodelalala1070]

@@eiras_1999 dammit i remembered a subreddit that mentioned nazeem and alduin are partners in crime and nazeem being rude and arrogant prick is him just being hostile towards you since you are alduin's enemy.Also he could be a dragon mimmicking a human form lmao.

[@shawniscoolerthanyou]

@@eziodelalala1070 nah, he's rude to everyone. He's always ragging on carlotta about her vegetables. Even his wife hates him.

[@thepowerlies]

@@eiras_1999 The answer wasn't elder scrolls all along

[@selectivepontification8766]

When you realize that getting arrested by the guard puts you in the Cloud District so that you can rightfully call Nazeem on his BS

[@mattnlogan101]

Selective Pontification im dead

[@ogorangeduck]

Hmm, don't see him in the Jarl's backside

[@gavincushnie]

Jesus Christ the criminals go to the cloud district more than nazeem

[@thorjljorgenbane7029]

Do you get to the Cloud District very often?

[@cobaltprime9467]

Yeah! That’s weird isn’t it?

[@vwr0527]

Skyrim opening: Hey you, you're finally awake. Dragonborn: ＴＡＲＧＥＴ　ＡＣＱＵＩＲＥＤ

[@kohaiame2691]

The Dragonborn is a Terminator and Nazeem is the target.

[@lordofshades9852]

When they found him "crossing the border" it was actually him just getting to the past from the future and was arrested due to them being close to the others

[@derbanFOURTWENTYDEATH]

McSchwartz bruh this comment took me out lmfaoooo

[@lukiopool7120]

I read that in the voice of turrets from the portal game.

[@marcwilliams1942]

Baaaaaaaaajaaaaaaajaaaajaaaaaaa

[@GuardianAngle1]

It makes me smile knowing this exists and that a million + people feel the same.

[@Sadeness99]

Feel the same...

[@reffa2858]

Yeah, I'm not the only weirdo in the universe.

[@Drenosir]

Well now it's 2,3 million

[@toucan6109]

Doubt

[@thepowerlies]

@@Drenosir 2.43 now

[@grandmastercube]

Imagine that a dragon is attacking you and the only thing you see is a prisinor who glitches away

[@jzargo8325]

@Kheops IV man i love you

[@horricule451]

This may be a joke run but the concept of someone you've never met defying time, space, the laws of physics, and all manners of logic to come and kill you for no apparent reason is actually quite terrifying

[@Starstr1ker]

Horricule This is the greatest comment on this video.

[@dragonbuster1174]

I feel like there is a jojo reference to be made here, if not I could totally see this as a future part.

[@AleX-fs4ww]

How unsettling...

[@alexanderkorol677]

@@dragonbuster1174 Pretty much Kira

[@Danny_conner]

I couldn’t imagine the fear Npc’s live in

[@dunamisd]

Kids you won’t believe what I saw while hunting today. a man tried to steal my horse, so naturally I told him he never should have come there, but then he did the strangest thing. He balanced it ass end up, and before I could say anything in protest, he launched off her like a bolt from a ballista straight over the mountains. I can’t explain what I saw, only tell you to be careful out there in this world. People are unpredictable.

[@dantedrowson2511]

😂😂 Story around the campfire for the ages..

[@Kiggidisvawgegawgin]

I'm dying over here 😂

[@theonlynontrollhere]

A+ read in guard’s voice

[@dawgpad]

Best comment.

[@Klosop]

@@theonlynontrollhere its the hunter

[@FredChuck64]

Dragonborn: “You NEVER should have come here.” *Flies across the country to end a man’s puny existence*

[@thepowerlies]

Well that puny existence has annoyed millions of players

[@havokbaphomet666]

hahahahahaa

[@DaManBearPig]

*literally flies through the clouds* Nazeem: dO yOu gEt tO tHe cLouD dis- *roasted alive*

[@Yuyu-ox3xl]

The elderscrolls told of Nazeem's death within minutes of Alduin's return.

[@hordix7213]

it is the one and true destiny

[@Dominus_Augustus]

If you count the jail sentence, then it was more like a week after

[@kingmarsden]

Feels more rewarding killing Nazeem than Alduin

[@blarg2429]

@@kingmarsden We need a mod that replaces Alduin with Nazeem.

[@drumer960]

This is why people who read that shit go blind

[@milkmonstrosity]

A man defies fate, time, and space to reach one city where he can hunt down and burn one particular man to death, a story for the ages.

[@ROFLobster4884]

True CHIM

[@silverdragon7385]

Even the Numidium looks at this and say: Daaaaaamn

[@robertoaltuve4145]

The couriers do that every day and better :v

[@JuullRhapsodos]

Lol Nazeem must be the most hated npc in all of video game history.

[@ascend3654]

..and tea bag the body... 😥

[@IDKGeorge123]

That iconic lagspike before the line “Come! the gods won’t give us another chance!”

[@silvius1798]

*Nazeem that morning* : What a wonderful Day!! I guess i'll go around asking people if they had been to the cloud District. *This guy* : Not Today

[@thepowerlies]

Afwterwards everyone else: What a wonderful day!

[@HailSatanLLC]

"Do you get to the cloud district very often?" *Literally flys a thousand feet through the air.* "Huh.."

[@albatrossthedragon]

The true cloud district

[@DavidMTheKrucifix]

Because flying like that is within "normal" gameplay. Totally not a glitch or exploit.

[@EM-vw7im]

@@DavidMTheKrucifix I think everyone is aware it's a glitch, chill. And its "sarcasm". Gonna be douchey at least spell words correctly.

[@jontrombley8618]

David M it’s not a glitch, it’s a feature

[@jaxusr235]

Jon Trombley You could say it just works.

[@wjp1238]

These Dark Brotherhood assassins are gettin' crazy smh.

[@cubeman22]

under rated comment

[@xXJaneRoseXx]

cube overlord extremely

[@xjunkxyrdxdog89]

For sithis

[@shadysam7161]

They all learned CHIM.

[@lzrshark617]

I'm pretty sure this qualifies you for automatic acceptance into the Brotherhood. I mean, Astrid HAS to be impressed by this, right?

[@CsubAzUrmedve]

"Alduin is back! I better kill Nazeem to fix that."

[@thepowerlies]

Getting rid of the evil that has spread in the world ... one at a time

[@arkxerxes8017]

Dragonborn: Gets arrested Nazeem: Why do I hear boss music?

[@kuroshiro413]

Doctor: You have 2.23 mins to live Dragonborn: What a coincidence

[@exittierone]

@@CountNikiko lmao my visceral reaction to that comment was the same thing

[@farrel_ra]

@@CountNikiko HAHAHA thats why use ":" in ur timestamp bois

[@claudia-oi6mv]

@@CountNikiko what

[@claudia-oi6mv]

@@CountNikiko but the dragonborn isn t dead in the video...

[@lordgaledron6969]

@@CountNikiko u must be fun at parties

[@PayondeAwsome]

In my game, I went into Breezehome, only for Nazeem to follow me in (because he hadn't finished his line about the cloud district). I, on reaction, smashed him with a war hammer thinking I'd just reload a save. But since he was in my house he's just there now and nobody cares that Naseem was dead. So I just kept the save. Now Nazeem is laying on the dinner table across the hall from my adopted daughter on top of the mountains of food I drop there.

[@makeupandmusicgirl]

Payon de so i have a new goal in Skyrim now.

[@13vatra]

He was trespassing in your home. You were fully in your rights to end his life and use him as a decoration.

[@daniele1823]

Yeah, "trespassing"

[@rezandrarizkyirianto-1933]

A perfect subject for my necromantic ritull

[@pvtblu1613]

Violated the NAP

[@1dyingwish]

**Alduin starts destroying and killing...** Dragonborn - "I got no beef with that dragon, that Nazeem was talking some mean shit tho in my last play thru.... watch this"

[@josephpaulson9495]

Imagine just being some Imperium guard, and you are just pulling along the cart with all of the prisoners to be executed. All of a sudden time skips ahead out of nowhere, and you are in a battle with a dragon. You don't know how you got here, but somehow you still know what you were just doing. Out of the corner of your eye you see one of the prisoners doing some crazy parkour across the walls and dashes away into the mountains, a feat that no regular human being could pull off. Seconds later the entire universe gets snapped into an alternate timeline from a few seconds ago, and then back again with no explanation. The dragon is flying away now, and as you look to the sky you see something flying into the distance... no, that's no dragon alright. A few days later you are just chilling in Whiterun, and you hear a rumor about how some deranged man fell out of the sky, attacked a guard and was immediately arrested, only to escape in less than a second and brutally murder two people, to which then he was then immediately killed. Huh.

[@JP-db4ni]

huh. indeed

[@12.7x99mm]

The most powerful being in skyrim is of the mind of a player

[@SomeOne-vf1rs]

Not to mention he killed the second man after he had an arrow fly into and out of his face...

[@EarlyOwOwl]

Hadvar: h-- Dragonborn: No time to talk. Gotta kill Cloud district man.

[@dimlydumbor934]

I cant stop laughing at the “h-“ thank you for making my day better hahahahahha

[@izukumidoriya2061]

Oh hey I know you-

[@EarlyOwOwl]

@@izukumidoriya2061 YOU

[@izukumidoriya2061]

@@EarlyOwOwl YES IT'S ME UM HELLO- I'M TOO AWKWARD I'M SORRY

[@EarlyOwOwl]

@@izukumidoriya2061 its ok you dont have to say anything Small internet

[@Nemenon]

"the game begins" Nazeem: Why do I hear boss music?

[@509gamer9]

Nemenon lmao okay this made me laugh hard.

[@pgrec09]

The most underrated comment 😂

[@fcandias]

@@pgrec09 I fully agree 😂😂😂

[@comicfire]

Have the most epic of upvotes, fellow redditor~

[@Nemenon]

@@comicfire oh god if you found me here then nowhere is safe

[@Erero]

The horseback glitch turbo launch gets me everytime

[@matthewhender1834]

1:09 Nazeem looks around feeling a sudden sense of paranoia

[@punklingyt]

When you don’t get to the Cloud District very often, but you do get there very quickly

[@eiras_1999]

Underrated comment xd

[@mortalwomprat]

Through the clouds, no less

[@bobkermit3452]

"I bet Elder Scrolls VI will be out by 2016." Elder Scrolls in 2020:

[@bernhardecker9499]

I hate that Elder Scrolls IV Release is already an old scar, while we are still so far away from it T-T

[@sspilex]

@@bernhardecker9499 IV ?

[@Roblafo]

@@bernhardecker9499 do you mean VI

[@kooroshrostami27]

I reckon we'll have inhibited Mars by the time TES VI is released. The last update on TES VI is a 2 year old announcement trailer featuring Skyrim world textures and Skyrim theme music.

[@courier6960]

I mean we have gotten Elder scrolls six times so it’s close enough I guess...

[@leefeebeck9185]

A wise man once said "Skyrim doesn't have bugs, it has features."

[@sword8165]

Doctor: You only have 3 minutes left to live. Waz: *Yeah, I've got time.*

[@wingbull2009]

Not teabagging nazeem in his own clothes invalidates the run

[@nottitan7504]

Wtf is this run btw

[@06lastt89]

@@nottitan7504 this speedrun is by far the best one of all speedruns in existence.

[@TheHenrique8791]

But he did it too

[@Dylan-xx2tk]

did you and the 700+ people who liked your comment not watch the video, or...

[@matteopriotto5131]

@@TheHenrique8791 that's why this run is valid

[@VladiSSius]

❌ Dragonborn on his journey to end Alduin. ✔️ Dragonborn on his journey to end Nazeem, the one and only threat to the Skyrim.

[@Necro_fury]

Makes sense since nothing happens if you don't pursue alduin

[@NotASovietSpy1]

"the Skyrim"

[@StardustLegend]

@@NotASovietSpy1 a yes, we gotta protect all them Skyrims from Nazeem.

[@VladiSSius]

@@NotASovietSpy1

[@NotASovietSpy1]

@@VladiSSius good

[@yesbutno3450]

0:46 my face when he kills Nazeem.

[@chriscaruso8876]

Underrated comment holy shit im dying

[@lenoirepale5982]

.O.

[@ShaedTheMoron]

Now this is why Speedrunning was invented. It all led to this, the perfect speedrun.

[@EquanimousExile]

The fact that the name of this speedrun isn’t titled, “send Nazeem to the cloud district” is the only thing that disappointed me.

[@kekero540]

Logan Skinner Like he even would get into the cloud district.

[@yuzuruotonashi659]

Oh, who am I kidding, he couldn't get in

[@Erendust]

The hall of the dead is in the wind district though.

[@Smerdzy]

@@Erendust Underrated reply for sure 😂😂

[@waluigimourner8071]

That would require a Giant

[@F0X_H0UND]

2:05 Me: Oh smart, He's going to use the horse to get to Whiterun quicker. Waz: *TELEPORTS THROUGH SPACE AND TIME AND GETS ARRESTED* Me: well I guess I was technically right.

[@DJFreshJuice]

Time and space teleporting is a serious crime in Skyrim.

[@vipervirus081]

I couldn’t stop laughing

[@ozanozenir2503]

F0X_H0UND can someone explain how the fuck it happened

[@yaboislurp]

ozan özenir tomato anus explains horse tilting really well in his Skyrim speed run I recommend watching it

[@FlannelDan90]

We've been using horses wrong this entire time!

[@melan8ed197]

**game starts** Dragonborn: never should’ve come here...

[@BurtBot]

The thought of someone spending that much time, effort, and creativity just to kill Nazeem as fast as possible made me cry laughing. Well done!

[@shekinahshy.9500]

"Where's the prisoner?" "I thought you had him."

[@HearthArrowandKey]

Ralof and Hadvar totally clueless

[@erronblack308]

Prisoner

[@bendover424]

*distant screams of a rich asshole burning to death* "What was that?"

[@sebz349]

This is the best comment I've ever read.

[@marcwilliams1942]

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaajaaaajaaaajaaaaaaaa

[@nazeem8086]

Yo what the fu-

[@officialtoddhoward69]

Even I don't like you

[@tsonich]

It had to happen mate, hard feelings if you’d please.

[@Shpooptypants13]

Your soul is in the cloud district now boi

[@user-oy3hp7gv5n]

@@Shpooptypants13 😂😂😂😂

[@ascended3275]

You don’t deserve a reaction

[@pandapants9625]

Nazeem: 👁👄👁 Dragonborn: "The truth is, it was all rigged from the start."

[@curtishammer748]

Maybe Dark Brotherhood assassins kill people without looking them in the face, but I ain't a milk drinker, dig?

[@ryanpeacock9004]

I love how his FIRST act upon entering Skyrim is to hunt and kill Nazeem

[@TheGrUnTs]

When you find out Nazeem was the one who tipped off the guards about you trying to cross the border

[@7tonsofsalt865]

more like when you find out nazeem exists

[@giulianomarino2864]

For real?

[@StormSeeker-pp1dh]

@@giulianomarino2864 nope

[@pianohelper8873]

But you weren't on the list so no one really tipped the guards. Imperials love their damn lists.

[@Slimy_Rat]

Do you get across the border very often? Ah, what am I saying? Of course you don't.

[@oneangryboi408]

Imagine being some rich guy who lives in a simple hold of Skyrim only to have a guy who was destined to be a chosen warrior of the Voice have your death as first priority on his list above all else including a bunch of dragons out to kill everyone. Edit: Yikes! That's the most likes I ever had here on KZbin. Thanks folks, I didn't think my comment would even get one like. Uh, stay safe, wear your mask outside, and always wash your hands! Might as well say something important.

[@jennytulls6369]

(S)hit list -Alduin -Harkon -A shit ton of other dragons Top Priority -Nazeem

[@derryair9419]

@@jennytulls6369 Don't forget Miraak, Mercer, The Silver Hand, Ulfric/General Tulius and Gisli

[@odinson5911]

Nazeem is not rich. He just brags about his farm. He doesn't even have his own house.

[@bananamancer]

@@odinson5911 he may not be rich But he earned his way to the top (By the way, do you get to the Cloud district very often?)

[@qblobfish3733]

@@bananamanceroh what am i saying. Of course you dont

[@user-nl2kk7gf9i]

The Dark Brotherhood: ''Wait thats illegal''

[@icypastasauce7240]

poor heimskr all i heard was “the power of talos... AHHH”

[@irisinthedarkworld]

Doctor: You have three minutes left to live This guy: Nazeem has three minutes left to live

[@ItchyPeenar]

“i may be going to hell but im not going alone”

[@alpcelik5279]

Ahahahahhaha

[@Kazuhira64]

So is he Nazeem...

[@tomoca1246]

@@Kazuhira64 you won't get it kid

[@nwah4494]

Still can't finish it because of 13 seconds gap. He'd have died having had pointless life the same

[@archangelgabriel8493]

Nazeem: Dragonborn:*wakes up in skyrim* Dragonborn: *NEVER SHOULD HAVE COME HERE*

[@brandenwest5163]

You've got a lot of nerve being alive!

[@xannymanny9754]

I can hear the nords voice

[@Gmel405]

Lmfaooooo

[@maldito_sudaka]

I laughed way more than I should

[@marcwilliams1942]

BAAAAAAJAAAAAJAAAAAJAAAAAAAA

[@HelpItIsMakingMeNameThings]

Imagine someone in real life making their way to you like this, using even the act of getting arrested as a means to get to you quicker, and eventually showing up flying in outa nowhere with choas and fire in their path to randomly take your life for the kill.

[@saundroid1253]

At 4 different points I was like “there’s no fkn way he can...” but you did it. You really did

[@Speeplonk]

Imagine being filled with such an unquenchable rage to murder someone you defy the gods of space, time, and life just to murder one insufferable man.

[@hambasri1053]

To be fair, who isnt

[@redacted2497]

Kratos:*chuckles*

[@slurpeexyza17]

So, Doom Slayer?

[@boserzipfelmann4629]

Better even, you dont defy the gods in order to k i l l him. you defy the gods and all rules just so you can murder him s o o n e r.

[@yukowolfang8645]

Am I smelling a "Fallout New Vegas kill Benny speedrun" cooking?

[@graves3506]

I love how immediately after killing Nazeem and teabagging him, he immediately goes to murder the other most annoying man in Whiterun

[@jeremycollet9269]

No joke i love him and have sat through his speech sitting on that bench multiple times.

[@MogusMasterSaikawa22]

I like heimskr too ^^

[@Akuretarie]

I always wait him in his house to offer his soul to Hircine, stupid priest.

[@nawaal4452]

TALOS!

[@jacksonh7009]

Max Middleton the Immersive Citizens mod changes Heimskr to where he occasionally sits down and silently prays instead of shouting. Essential mod if you plan on going to Whiterun at all lmao

[@hazeltree7738]

There once was a high elf from Summerset Who could speed around like a jet He ran from Helgen Went to the dungeons Then killed Nazeem with no regrets A tale still told to this day

[@bwillems1000]

"Yes, yes, I haven't touched myself in days."

[@kayden2119]

This is my first time seeing a Skyrim speed run and it constantly feels like a fever dream wtf

[@thelegion4698]

Agreed, brain broke when he just fucking t u r n e d and ran around the tower, and I was lost with the save and exit he did outside of the cave

[@LuisSoto-fw3if]

@@thelegion4698 if I remember correctly, there is a feature (read:bug) that when you load a previous save and quickload a newer save, you could keep the progress made on the quickload and carry it to the real load. So, since his hands are tied he is unable to do magic, so he hasa save on the entrance of the cave, loads a game file at the entrance of the keep where the dude cuts the rope and the loads the save on the entrance (the one where his hands where still tied) and voilà! His hands are on tied.

[@alacru1]

A skooma dream.

[@StalrosTheGreenMage1]

Dragon born be like: "I dont know who I am. I dont know why I'm here. All I know is that I must kill."

[@williamwontiam3166]

This one very specific person.

[@UnknownUserZeroZero]

"Burn and maim, until it is done!"

[@kekero540]

Whenever a queen bee is born into a hive with an old or lame queen when she is born she immediately starts looking to kill the queen. Learned about that came back here for this one comment.

[@Theviewerdude]

@@kekero540 so the dragonborn is basically a female bee and so is Nazeem

[@TotallyNotSena]

Nazeem*

[@skyounkin]

3:06 I appreciate the bonus kill on Heimskr, it really shows your dedication!!

[@salahx6466]

Doctor: “you have 3 minutes and 13 seconds to live” Me: “so dose Nazeem”

[@ricardotejada111]

A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON

[@selectivepontification8766]

LISTEN, HEAR ME AND OBEY

[@ra_alf9467]

A FOUL DARKNESS HAS SEEPED INTO MY TEMPLE

[@bren1marqs]

A DARKNESS THAT YOU WILL DESTROY

[@gonnerkat8753]

RETURN MY BEACON TO MOUNT KILKREATH.

[@johnfossum9003]

AND I WILL MAKE YOU THE INSTRUMENT OF MY CLEANSING LIGHT

[@lucifermorningstar-mf5pg]

Finally a speed run that makes sense

[@randymarshusa2928]

Oh God its Jim Pickens!

[@eggistopia9013]

@@randymarshusa2928 praise him

[@nottellingyoumyname1831]

I see your pic matches your username.

[@christinamcclain265]

Ah a fellow member. Praise our dear leader.

[@lordmeepers7297]

lucifer morningstar oh dear leader

[@thegamerator10]

"Do you get to the Cloud District very often?" "No, but you're about to head there yourself."

[@danielmiller5778]

You know, even though Nazeem talks a big game, and even though he constantly brags about going to the cloud district, just remember: this man doesn’t even have a home.

[@WhisperUK]

He owns a farm/house just outside Whiteruns walls

[@danielmiller5778]

Bearded Scotsman Oh I didn’t know that. My bad.

[@WhisperUK]

@@danielmiller5778 no worries, i only know because I followed him home to kill him while he slept, dude is annoying as fuck.

[@waluigi3515]

@@WhisperUK I killed him to the stairs to the left of the entrance, decapitated him at the top when no one was around.

[@waluigi3515]

@@WhisperUK Breinun saw me tho, so I had to kill him too, to not ruin my perfect killing spot.

[@codybender5332]

I’d like to think that the Dragonborn attempted to kill Nazeem, and that is why he was a prisoner in Helgen, but he escapes in like 3 seconds flat and goes after him again lmao

[@AsuraBoss]

I'll fucken do it again

[@CrazyRiverOtter]

Todd: "See that mountain in the distance? You can climb it!" Casuals: "You lied to us." Speedrunners: "Noted."

[@U6kCtBuN]

horses are a **feature**

[@a1phamalestud]

Todd: “There’s a little over 200 ending.”

[@orangetoes223]

Syl Duhanaj he really say that?

[@a1phamalestud]

Cultof Ian yeah for fallout 3

[@malusso]

You can skyrim your way up to literaly anything in the game

[@reynoalfarez]

Imagine one day killed outta nowhere by someone completely random that you never know before and then he proceed to teabag your corpse then leave stealing your clothes and identity

[@burritosforlater]

Bethesda: it's still buggy and broken but it will never get more broken than it is now Waz: hold my water

[@ElFudgeMusic]

He even killed Heimskr as a bonus. Doing the work of Talos, son.

[@mr.kittenface1671]

Ironic considering he screams his head of about Talos

[@georgethakur]

@@mr.kittenface1671 I suppose Heimskr and Talos would like to meet each other

[@zekun4741]

There is no god but Talos and Heimskr is his messenger

[@georgethakur]

@@zekun4741 STORMCLOAK ARE SKYRIM'S MUSLIMS

[@zekun4741]

@@georgethakur What's the problem? Allah sent angels to Muhammad to reveal his message to him. Muhammad began to criticise Mecca's pagans for their corruption, injustice and greed, as the city's impressive collection of idols attracted pilgrims and was its main source of income, making them filthy rich. They excommunicated Muhammad and he fled to Medina, where he gathered his followers and was elected as their leader. They began raiding the Meccans and in the end, conquering the city, smashing all the sinister idols, forcing the inhabitants to convert to Islam, killed those who refused. Then in Muhammad's lifetime, they conquered all of the Arabian Peninsula and Muhammad ascended to heaven from Jerusalem on horseback. What's not to like?

[@flynn5498]

Imagine being a rich guy in a small city living out his day when suddenly an scrawny elf in rags who just cheated death literally flies thousands of metres through cold winter, gets himself arrested and then immediately sets you on fire and asserts dominance over your crispy corpse in your own clothes in less time than it took to walk down the street

[@Darius72_]

Best fucking comment

[@clay89593]

This this comment was hilarious, gave me some serious laughs

[@airis1674]

Guess no one looked at the date, he did it on valentine's day.

[@tendowav]

imagine a new born baby like "watch this speed run" and just glitches and disappears

[@yuugagazamee6020]

Nazeem: My parents aren't home This speedrunner:

[@shiggitydiggity4839]

"do you get to the cloud district very often?" *SHIT NEGRO, THATS ALL YOU HAD TO SAY*

[@ammagon4519]

@@shiggitydiggity4839 finally, the meme is put to good use.

[@august4476]

2:14

[@sanitarycockroach9038]

"What is that thing? Could the legends be true?" "Legends don't kill Nazeem in under 3 minutes."

[@jayrushton6991]

This man's been training for this moment his whole life

[@judgement8739]

new doctor: you have 2 minutes to live waz: *so does nazeem.*

[@kinnarawanderer]

The best was him being like 'this isn't fast enough', waiting an hour to summon a horse, and using it to launch himself several miles through the air That or straight ducking Alduin to run around the outside of the tower which I've *never* seen before

[@shaynehughes6645]

Imagine literally running by the world-eater to go murder some rich bloke

[@ammagon4519]

@@shaynehughes6645 a much bigger threat.

[@prct6768]

@@shaynehughes6645 Eat the rich.

[@silverdragon7385]

Zu'u Alduin, first born of Akatosh. I am lord of the dovah and the Wor... did that mortal just run past me?

[@chavzone]

So you've just never watched any Skyrim speedrun before

[@Thunderglue]

dO yOu go To tHe cLoUD desTriCt veRy ofTeN ?

[@ra_alf9467]

I would let you know that there's no pussies

[@bronzejourney5784]

''Oh, actually coming from there...''

[@alexgmeinwieser4076]

German: Seid ihr oft im Wolken Bezirk? Oh,natürlich seid ihr es nicht.

[@Thunderglue]

@@alexgmeinwieser4076 How dare you

[@alexgmeinwieser4076]

@@Thunderglue you are a monster

[@jameshogge]

2:18 You even went via the cloud district?!

[@futuristicbus61]

A killing nazeem speed run? Hell yes. I love watching Skyrim speed runners do things

[@ethandunn7026]

The whole concept of setting out on a journey with the soul purpose to kill one specific npc as fast as possible is just the funniest thing in the world to me

[@mishael8631]

Isn't that the goal of the game? Kill Alduin?

[@cardarom]

1970: I bet we’ll have flying cars in the future! 2020: Skyrim Nazeem% Speedrun

[@albedougnut]

Who needs flying cars when you can just jump off of a horse on a slope?

[@anubeia]

Where we’re going, we don’t need slopes.

[@j-skullz]

when you realise none of those words would've made sense to anyone in 1970

[@anubeia]

People in the 1970s didn’t communicate by clicking their tongues. The English language has barely changed in the last fifty years. Furthermore, people were fantasising not only about flying cars, but also rockets being used for public mass transportation as well as instantaneous teleportation since at least 1890.

[@j-skullz]

@@anubeia pretty sure that if you walked up to any random person in 1970 and said the words "Skyrim Nazeem% Speedrun" they wouldn't know wtf you were talking about dude, stop being pendantic.

[@chorkesdonevan9847]

The guy with the horse was just chilling and then a prisoner comes up takes his horse and flies away... he was having a bad day

[@jb7254]

*game begins and coffin dance music starts playing* Nazeem: Hmm, wait who are you???

[@justin2308]

What Bethesda Expected Our Hit List To Be: Silver Hand, Mercer, Harkon, Miraak, the Emperor, Alduin, and a leader of one army in the Civil War. What the Skyrim fandom really has as the hit list: Nazeem, Children, and Meridia (because of her damn beacon) EDIT: AND Maven. You guys can stop correcting me now.

[@fartlol9857]

Lydia, Heimskr, and Maven too

[@pabloduarte1722]

And only Nazeem is killable, sooo...

[@Weldedhodag]

Silver hand did nothing wrong

[@Amishhellcat]

you forgot "battleborn, give me your money!" :p

[@treelicker2145]

A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON!

[@andrewhunt9808]

Doctor: You have three minutes left to live. Me:

[@lickylicky9232]

3:13

[@beercan9991]

2:48

[@Altered-Beast]

Me: 2:15

[@ImperatorTrajun]

Nazeem just walked out of that doctor's office

[@chefboyjc9439]

"Fuck you" *unplugs life support*

[@lzrshark617]

I envy your swiftness. I've been trying to figure out a way to kill him without getting evicted from Whiterun for about a month. Found out this afternoon that you can reverse-pickpocket a frenzy poison into his inventory with the right perks, and he'll go postal in the town square and the guards will kill him for you. 20 minutes of preparation, 2 fortify restoration loops, and a handful of err-on-the-safe-side potions later, and I'm invisible, watching Jon Battle-Born, Isolda, and Carlotta beat him to death after he attacked them. Such a tragedy, a man suddenly losing his mind like that and turning on his neighbors out of nowhere. I definitely didn't know anything about what happened when questioned, will absolutely 'report anything I know to the guards', definitely did not wait until nightfall with another invisibility potion to loot literally everything off his corpse so that he's lying in the street in his underwear, and definitely did not rename his dagger 'Rest in Oblivion, Nazeem' and mount it over my door like a trophy. Also will definitely not be downloading the 'killable children' mod so I can get rid of Braith next, so I can walk outside my house without her screaming at me about how she'll fight me every 3 seconds. Or I might just pull SpiffingBrit's paralysis poison exploit repeatedly and leave her paralyzed forever like a living trophy. I may be playing a chaotic good hero this run, but I have my limits, and I've accidentally done far worse (got railroaded into the House of Horrors quest by accident, found out that there was no way to save the Boethia guy).

[@roadhouse6999]

"We're in the fifth dimension, Cooper."

[@skippingstep1515]

Virgin Nazeem: *Gets to Cloud District* Chad Dragonborn: *Gets to Clouds*

[@pogfishfruity3731]

Underrated comment

[@thepowerlies]

Sends Nazeem to clouds*

[@skippygh0st248]

Nazeem: Do you get- Dragonborn: *I diagnose you with dead*

[@REDesertWolfSage]

"We are but maggots writhing in the filth of our own corruption" best line still has me rolling everytime I hear him say it.

[@braeduin]

KZbin recommendations: Skyrim kill Nazeem speedrun Me: Hell yeah. KZbin video: kills Heimskr too Me: HELL YEAH!

[@raventhepansexualenby4576]

Damn Imperials

[@F0X_H0UND]

Talos smite you

[@AZOTH_the_Weeb]

@@F0X_H0UND Talos can fucking try. For the Empire!!!

[@bonjoviwankenobi8533]

*SKYRIM BELONGS TO THE NORDS*

[@AZOTH_the_Weeb]

If you want power and unity, join the Empire. If you want too fuck youcousin join the lamecloaks

[@JaxontheOkay]

I love how creative the glitches and exploits get for the sole purpose of getting to Whiterun as quickly as possible and killing Nazeem.

[@sonatuh]

"You get to the cloud district very often? Oh what am I saying, ofcourse you don't."

[@rictuserectus6686]

Every speedrun needs a thumbnail like this to be considered a valid speedrun

[@stealthyshibe4904]

I've never seen a more ambitious man in my entire life. Such hatred and lust for revenge.

[@usa_bruce4295]

Whooooooo

[@stealthyshibe4904]

@@usa_bruce4295 I was born in a small fiddle.

[@genericalfishtyrant8493]

It was absolutely beautiful.

[@AWolf-gq2vu]

MEMES JACK

[@aliasanonymous5387]

USA_Bruce Dammit, you got to it before I did