So How I Met Your Mother Was Very Transphobic

[@LilySimpson]

with regards to the Playbook, I did a twitch stream going through it after I first hit 1000 likes, currently not releasing a video because it just isn't really a good video so sorry if you missed that. my review of it tho is "yikes thats a lot of really weird shit"

[@saskiakraft]

I listened to the audiobook on youtube when i was probably 13/14 (as a girl), and i listened to it at least twice. I think that i found bits problematic (even if i wouldn‘t have called them that) but overall very funny. I‘m shocked just remembering that😳

[@AlejandroGonzalez-no3ht]

bruh

[@BrianaLynn7]

taking back my like lol

[@hunterhall1575]

Weird shit in a joke book based on a comedy show? Who could have seen THAT coming? 🙄

[@allisonroth]

Yeah that sounds about right. Thanks for the update!

[@everentropy]

Neil Patrick Harris is the only reason Barney was charming. I don't know that any other actor could have made him so likeable tbh

[@everentropy]

Also more on the misogyny side than the transphobia but the whole "slutty pumpkin" thing where it's just a girl in a normal pumpkin outfit was the start of me cooling off on the series and the whole fat suit thing was when I stopped watching... but wow I did not notice the transphobia back then.

[@ddjsoyenby]

yeah.

[@Nicamon]

I never stopped watching the show and I also bought all the DVDs but I never liked *all* the aspects of the show and TBH Barney is a character I never _truly_ liked. I hate it when toxic characters get a pass by the audience only because they are played by attractive and/or charismatic actors(COUGH COUGH Spike COUGH COUGH Hook COUGH COUGH Ares COUGH COUGH Zane COUGH COUGH I could go on all day COUGH but my throat is starting to ache...COUGH COUG...>O

[@attilamert6973]

@@everentropy Lmao cope

[@attilamert6973]

@@Nicamon None of these are toxic

[@alexscarlett9428]

before i started my antipsychotics, i had hallucinated an exchange during the first episode that confirmed barney was a trans man who knew ted before transitioning in high school. i want to go back to that reality sometimes.

[@themyofmy]

this is the funniest thing ive ever read

[@ferretappreciator]

I'm not sure if it's helpful for you but we can pretend it's real

[@rottengrapes8605]

amazing. showstopping. effervescent

[@lovelytigress227]

I want this to be canon

[@alexscarlett9428]

there was a joke at some point about barney dyeing his hair darker because the father of someone he was dating said 'men arent/cant be blond' or smth so it can be canon if we believe.

[@chaosgremlin1849]

“If someone you love tells you to stop, you will stop, because you love them! If you ‘love’ someone and won’t stop when they say, you don’t love them, you love the idea of loving them.” As much as I would have loved to say that, i just heard it somewhere.

[@andrejosue98]

You don't decide who you love, you just decide what to do with those feelings. So that is a terrible phrase. Like you can't stop loving someone just because they asl you to stop loving them, you can only stop acting in a lovely way toward them which is different... Ted idea of love is that if you love someone you love them in good and bad moments even when people mock you for it, which should be how love is. Ted never said he will keep being romantic toward Robin or force her to love him... he just said he will keep loving her.

[@Desimere]

​@@andrejosue98 If someone tells you they are not interested, you can't stop loving them instantly, but you CAN believe them enough to lose all hope and expectations. Typically, in that state of not having any hope, after a few years, the romantic aspect of that love will go away and it will just be platonic, like how you feel towards any of your buddies. That's why that ending of himym was gross for me.

[@len4129]

​@@Desimere It doesn't even make sense, cause first they will make it clear he doesn't love her like that anymore, like when he found out Barney wanted to be with Robin he was happy to accept, and even rejected Robin for Stella, even though Stella left him, it still doesn't prove he would have gone back to Robin, and he didn't. But then no, apparently that doesn't count cause he really did love her like that. 🙄

[@len4129]

it would have been fine if it was "he thought he still loved her romantically but really he was just afraid of being alone" but the ending just couldn't let the viewers be happy

[@LilyLewis771]

Personally I find Ted a lot more toxic and ‘scarier’ in a way than Barney. Barney lies to get women to sleep with him, which is gross, but that’s the end of his game as far as I can remember. Ted, on the other hand, repeatedly stalks, harassed, refuses to hear the word no, and lies to and manipulates the women he’s in ongoing relationships with. It’s creepy as hell. You’re rid of Barney after a night, Ted you’re stuck with him trying to ‘prove his love’ for months or years. The gang also tends to treat Barney as “gross” for having a high body count- there’s a lot of slutshaming in the show, it stuck out to me even when I was younger.

[@QueenOfDarknes5]

Yeah, Ted beeing out there manipulating woman into beeing his perfect breeding material is more fücked up than Barneys One Night Stands.

[@AC-pm9dj]

The only good man in HIMYM is Marshall. But I totally agree, Ted is the worst

[@kokirij0167]

Barney is -ironically- honest about being the gross sob he is. I mean he actively presents his friend group with a book literally about tricking women into sleeping with him.

[@trinitybernhardt9944]

I felt like Ted was worse, because while they didn't push it enough, Barney was supposed to be a bit satirical, we are meant to see glimpses of how empty his life is, with Ted he is painted as a great guy. Someone we should strive for. Like Ross was. They were toxic af.

[@eugeneimbangyorteza]

I used to think this was quite obvious

[@MrToasty9000]

i dated a transmasc in high school who absolutely loved this show and really wanted me to watch it with them. i liked a couple episodes but it was hard to get over the transphobia. the ironic part was they were so steeped in 2014-tumblr-era purity culture that any other piece of media making a single off-color joke was often enough for them to write it off completely, but no matter how much discomfort i expressed about this show they never stopped talking about it. i think robin as a comfort character is an Extremely Powerful force - an alienated trans kid will ignore a lot of bullshit if they feel like they can actually relate to a character for once but also this was the same kid who Did Not Like when i tried to come out as genderqueer cause having a cis girlfriend felt like some kind of masculine rite of passage to them :/ maybe their idea of masculinity was more influenced by barney than they wanted to admit

[@justbrowsing9697]

They sound like a deeply insecure person. I hope they're doing better now

[@GogiRegion]

This sounds like high school behavior for sure. I grew up with Big Bang Theory on the family TV often, and it wasn’t until late high school that I realized just how bad it was, and early college where I completely abandoned it.

[@sarascarpati887]

Hi, Sorry for bothering but what does genderqueer mean? I'm a Little confused

[@Ray-hk1zm]

@@sarascarpati887 Not the original commenter, but I AM genderqueer so I can speak on this. It's basically just a huge umbrella term for anything not slotting into the binary of male/female, so non-binary people, gender non-conforming people, et cetera. It (to my understanding) is specifically about gender identity, not presentation, so it's not a style or aesthetic so much as it is a group of gender identities (as well as a gender identity in and of itself--identifying as genderqueer can be enough of a label, or you can get more specific with it). It just describes anything that doesn't fall into the expected binary, i.e. "queering" the gender binary. Hope this helps!!

[@sarascarpati887]

yes ,it's much appreciated

[@HoneycuttVideos]

HIMYM: "If a trans woman reveals to Ted that she's trans after they're already on a date, that's deception and trickery, and Ted is right to be horrified." also HIMYM: "If Barney dresses up as a woman to sleep with someone, that's funny :) Classic Barney. He's awesome, bro. Suit up high wait for it five"

[@malonee]

I’m not saying anything on the first point, but on the second, Barney is an actual piece of shit. He’s funny because the actor is great, but his character is a literal piece of shit and portrayed as that

[@Enderman121_]

I think when Barney does something like that it’s is funny because it’s so ridiculous and it’s funny because it’s wrong

[@Sathrus04]

You ever notice how in the entire series the entire gang constantly voices their disgust with barnies actions? Especially Lilly

[@leephillips4402]

He also once pretended to be a light-skinned Black man to seduce Black women.

[@devforfun5618]

@@Sathrus04 they also constantly help him, and their disapproval is often more of a challenge, in a "it wont work" sense, not in "if you do that we will stop inviting you"

[@Shield-Theyden]

*Thank you* for pointing out what a creep Ted is. I always hated how his creepiness was written off as hopeless romanticism. Granted, *he's* the one telling the story, but the show does little to repudiate his self-assessment.

[@ddjsoyenby]

agreed he's not a romantic he's a stalker.

[@chavaspada]

Bruh it's shown several times through the series that Ted, being the narrator, paints himself as the hero. There's even a plotpoint about a movie that shows how Ted truly is.

[@Hannahgs]

@@chavaspada the movie is literally meant to be ridiculous and untrue lol let’s not pretend the show was trying to make him an unreliable narrator, he’s the hero. He gets everything he ever wanted by the end of the show.

[@chavaspada]

@@Hannahgs Ted is consistently shown as an unreliable narrator, there are several gags where he forgets names, get things confused and I think he even forgot about one person being there at one point.

[@Hannahgs]

@@chavaspada that doesn’t make him not the hero of the story or indicate that his retelling of events is factually incorrect.

[@decaying_dante]

this may have been brought up either in the video or in the comments. but like you said talking about how casually the show uses the t-slur, it baffles me how many people don't view it as a slur! it shows how many people are completely unaware of trans people/trans issues. it's also interesting having a gay guy play the mysogynistic guy because there really are so many gay guys who think being gay means they couldn't possibly be sexist. "how could i objectify women if i'm not attracted to them?"

[@_gremlinboy]

And on that last note, often the rhetoric from those gay men is "I'm not misogynistic, I just have no use for women so I don't care about them" which is uhhhhh not the best defense

[@jacobpadilla9256]

Oh it's just because it's not a slur, it's short for transvestite, the same way trans is. If you find tranny offensive, seriously reflect on your insecurities instead of baselessly blaming other people for it

[@decaying_dante]

@@jacobpadilla9256 trans isn't short for transvestite.... "tranny" is/was specifically used as an insult towards trans people (or even just towards cis people, like how cishet men will call eachother "f*ggot" as an insult). even if it is just a word meant to describe trans people, it's grown to have an extremely negative connotation, similar to how it isn't acceptable to call someone who is mentally impaired retarded, even though that used to be an actual medical term. not to mention how i don't exactly trust your credentials seeing as you're using the word transvestite in 2023. (even in the past, transsexual was the appropriate word, and nowadays transgender is what is used both in the public and by medical professionals)

[@afoolishfopdoodle3284]

While I definitely agree with your last point, I don't get what NPH playing him has to do with it. He's gay in real life, not the show, and he's misogynistic in the show, not real life.

[@_gremlinboy]

@@jacobpadilla9256 tranny has always been a slur my guy,,, I think you are the one needing to do a lil self reflection, being the guy in the comment section trying to convince people tranny isn't a slur is deeply sad for you.

[@connormurphy6393]

I'm a trans man and even in 2021 I've had coworkers group up and all stare at me while I'm working debating with each other whether they think I'm a girl or a boy like some sort of game, it's honestly the worst

[@ernie39]

wtf that sucks :''-0 I hope you were able to complain and/or quit bc that sounds like a shitty working environment

[@makkimix9535]

I am a trans man too, it's either that or they wanna experiment with you because you are a man with a coochie

[@SapphicSammy7]

For me it's when they slow their vehicles to a crawl to stare at you... ON THE FUUUUCKING HIGHWAY 😭 like I'm not a god damn animal at a zoo, I get it you've never seen a trans person before, you can look but don't stare

[@SapphicSammy7]

​@@ernie39stuff like that is pretty common from my experience, it's the threat of bodily harm that scares me the most

[@CryptidRenfri]

I honest to god had someone yell "show us your dick" at me while they zoomed past, and that was before I even transitioned lol. I was just a femboy wearing skinny jeans and hoodie back then 😅

[@reallyFrogman]

Every "trans" woman on this show would always have their moment when they say something like "I'm a dude" in the deepest voice their cis actor could muster.

[@falconeshield]

I swear a writer on the show had a fetish. Men in skirts, lewwwwl /s

[@turqussy]

@@falconeshield s as in serious or s as in sarcastic

[@salem-01]

@@turqussyI believe they meant sarcastic? Serious is generally more /srs

[@Orion_TheyThem]

​@@salem-01 You are correct. /s is sarcastic. /srs is serious

[@supremecrowbar5736]

I’m sorry but I laughed a bit harder than I’d like to admit when “the joke” was made about trans women always wearing turtle necks and then it cuts to Lily… in a turtle neck 😭

[@sophiatrocentraisin]

Yeah, the *cuts to a Lily in a turtleneck* is legit funny

[@beautifulmidnight]

That was such a perfect edit. Funnier than most jokes in the show.

[@jainelson8840]

I thought “Am I terrible for laughing out loud” when that cut happened. It’s legit funny af.

[@FictitiousCtrlGames]

Admittedly, that made me laugh too.

[@devo360]

I laughed harder than I should at that and im a trans woman 😂 now if only I were wearing a turtleneck at the same time I dont think I could handle the irony

[@CharlieViola100]

Himym is one of those shows that I watch clips off and get really nostalgic and wanna do a rewatch And then I actually try and watch it and I can't make it past the first season. The transphobia and casual sexual assault is just so aggressive. Fun fact, I still remember being 14 and a teacher telling us that having sex with drunk girls is rape and realizing barney is a rapist

[@mrs.stefonmeyers7156]

Same... I was so obsessed with it when I was ~13 and just starting to figure out sex and gender and stuff. Even tho I didn't take anything seriously, there are probably people out there who learned toxic behaviors from the characters

[@Dave102693]

Both Ted and Barney are rapists tbh

[@Cakes01]

That’s also how I feel about The Big Bang Theory

[@richard_4stringmf178]

Jesus efin christ... if you sign contact when drunk, the contract is still valid. If you would pull this "I was drunk" thing after buying a house or similar thing, they would just laugh to your face... if you can't make decisions when drunk, don't drink

[@GogiRegion]

@@richard_4stringmf178Actually, if someone abuses the fact that someone was drunk to sign a contract, it can be legally voided. If you know someone is drunk when you tried to force a contract upon them, they can take you to court to have the contract invalidated. So not only are you defending rapists, but you’re not even correct about standard contract law.

[@oOOoOphidian]

It feels nearly impossible to find a comedy that isn't hateful to trans women, really.

[@AdolfHitler-lk4vo]

good

[@DamianMendez-g7o]

Oh my god you plank of wood . It's the joke of you get a girl and she turns out as a boy and then it's scary because you thought it was a girl .

[@tordfart]

@@DamianMendez-g7o she is a girl. scary because shes trans? or scared of some meat? 😳

[@CharlotteSWeb-oh7ou]

@@DamianMendez-g7o Explaining how the "joke" is transphobic doesn't make it not hateful, nor does it make it funny. It simply exposes you for the shallow bigoted person you are.

[@shoulderescape]

The only one I know, of the top of my head is Brooklyn nine nine.

[@thegayghost872]

Ted’s transphobia honestly felt like a literal fear of trans people

[@djibkan2795]

that's what transphobia means

[@Very-Uncorrect]

​@@djibkan2795A phobia can be either fear or EXTREME AVERSION, such as HATRED.

[@clintosfan]

@@Very-Uncorrectso what’s the difference?

[@doggyspeak]

like a heebie-jeebies sort of phobia instead of outright disgust.

[@clintosfan]

@@doggyspeak So a person gets the "heebie-jeebies" around a trans person... So what? People can feel however they want, we don't live in a marxist society

[@JadziaCheshire]

The whole danger trans people face from Cis people is one of the biggest reasons my mom was so glad that my older sister fell in love with another trans woman. So she knew that my sister would be safe from a partner doing something horrible to them.

[@sweetlevi4061]

​@@youtubeman2001cis is the term for not trans people. Do you think they aren't people?

[@PrinceIsot]

Maybe you shouldn't bamboozle people and hook up with them under false pretenses. Which is essentially SA

[@sweetlevi4061]

@@PrinceIsot if a woman has a vag and has sex with you why does it matter if she's cis or trans

[@GasolineDiamondJD]

​@@PrinceIsot honestly you're right, imagine going on date with a guy thinking he's a normal dude, then you find out he's extremely transphobic and unsafe. That sounds terrifying and disgusting

[@PrinceIsot]

@@GasolineDiamondJD Preferring Organic isn't transphobic. Some of us realize that chemical imbalances in the brain don't actually change biological makeup....it's a weak person who thinks "you either agree with me or you hate me" 😭 lol

[@TheLeftistOwl]

I want to make a video about how this show ruined a generation of men by portraying Ted (who's an abusive, pathetic person) as some ultra romantic that deserved better

[@CripplingDuality]

@@Kaiexists966 having just read the lyrics to that song...wow someone was angry lol

[@albertfralinger2711]

Don’t worry. No one actually likes or sympathizes with Ted

[@BlueThe1up]

@@CripplingDuality yea im pretty sure it was made by incels or losers lurking on /b/

[@roshana110]

When was he abusive? He was awful but I don’t remember actual abuse

[@DamianMendez-g7o]

@@albertfralinger2711 I did sorry mate ✌️

[@Ocyon]

In general I think that the friend group in HIMYM is very toxic. You have Ted and Barney mostly as the perpetrators of harassment and the others are there to reassure them, that what they're doing is funny. Besides the transphobic stuff the thing with Ted's student "Cook Pu" is also a good example of this... In reality what happens there is bullying (even if it is mostly unintentional) by an authority figure (Ted the prof) and nothing about it is funny. Yet it is played repeatedly as a joke. And even if the show implies that the joke is on Ted, it's not him who is harmed by it. I rewatched HIMYM about 4 years ago and I noticed a lot of this stuff for the first time then. I think the friend group in HIMYM could very well be a good case study of a really toxic friend group. I mean friend groups being really toxic and harassing minorities, while reassuring each other that it's just a joke, unfortunately isn't unheard of.

[@Benlovescheese]

Yeah it’s pretty bad. I think they should’ve made Marshall and lily condemn ted more.

[@Ocyon]

@@Benlovescheese I think this would be an improvement, but wouldn't solve the actual problem. It would give the series the appearance of being moral, while not really being it. For that they would really need to focus on the victims in the series and show what effect this harassment had on them and not just play it for laughs (and then maybe condemn it a bit).

[@anniejones3768]

They kinda had an episode where they pointed out the toxic things in their friend group. When Robin was dating the therapist, he pointed out their codependency and bullying of each other. But at the end of the episode no one cared or got better 😅

[@fr0gm0th25]

the characters are constantly pointed out to be toxic and an incestuous friend group, as pointed out by kevin

[@sososo3906]

Psychologist called them the most disfunctional group he had ever seen

[@odachi8239]

commenting just so this gets more visibility, himym was one of my favorite shows which I rewatched like 8 times, recently I started watching it with my boyfriend who is trans and started to pick up on these jokes that are pretty fucked up, it really opened my eyes and I'm feeling like shit for asking him to watch it with me, I've just sent him a message asking for us to watch some other show. thank you for the amazing video Lily, it's really well made and it HAS to be seen by so many more people

[@ms.aelanwyr.ilaicos]

Oof, that's a rough misstep. I hope it turns out okay

[@Lycaon1765]

Don't feel too bad, it was only ~15 years ago that KZbinrs did blackface (and other edgy things) for shock humor because that's what the audience wanted. You didn't notice it before, but now you do and you're making changes based on it. That's more than what most people do.

[@kollinbyrne7150]

It's really nice to offer to watch another show with him. I watched a show with one of my friends that had un-remembered transphobia in it, and he definitely noticed, but i had to be the one to turn it off.

[@Ghost_Token]

I recently started re-watching HIMYM and the AMOUNT of anti-gay, anti-trans and fatphobia is sickening and tiring.

[@methatis3013]

How many victim checks can you pass in one sentence

[@Ghost_Token]

@@methatis3013 what’s this mean?

[@IgirlbossedTooCloseToTheSun]

​@@Ghost_Token it means that person got really pissed at being called out but wants to make it look like they're edgy and cool.

[@pastelpurpledeathbed]

@@IgirlbossedTooCloseToTheSunno its just a lot of you are sensitive babies

[@mr.j36b82]

@@pastelpurpledeathbed "i cant believe people dont want to be constantly mocked by bigots, what snowflakes" is a pretty stupid take to have

[@zachariasmanning2071]

I watched this show a ton growing up, especially around middle school, so ages 12-15. Being autistic, sitcoms are kind of how I learned social cues, which has caused problems, to say the least. Watching this made me realize just how many of my toxic traits came directly from this show. I've done my best to unlearn them over the years, but some biases still linger on. Point is, thank you for calling attention to just how problematic this show can be!

[@joaquinillo_]

duude same, I don't know if I'm in the spectrum but I have very little social skills and I used to watch sitcoms and unconsciously learned how to talk to people and be funny in the worst possible ways

[@aceanimations3214]

Same, I've watched lots of shows which I liked at the moment and 8 years later I'm finding out they were very problematic. What's funny is that I'm trans, but also autistic, so I really missed a lot transphobia and other hate acts/speech.

[@khadijaelboushi7742]

Im a black cis woman and I agree with all your talking points! But i would be better if you don’t compare trans issues to black people and racism as it centers the conversation around trans women of your race after listening to it black trans women exist and they go through worse due to their gender and race ! so it really stupid to use the racism against black people argument when discussing transphobia or any other injustices honestly! And a bit unnecessary especially for your black audience. Great video 9/10

[@buttlicker7670]

This comment is incomprehensible

[@alexe2255]

@buttlicker Idk I find it pretty comprehensible..

[@buttlicker7670]

@@alexe2255 "it centers the conversation around trans women of your race after listening to it black Trans women exist" What does this mean?

[@khadijaelboushi7742]

@@buttlicker7670 i was typing without my glasses so some typos and words were lost but I meant to say an issue like transphobia that affects black trans folks and many darkskin cis black women because of misogyny that often is followed by transphobia. using black people as an example kinda takes us out of the conversation or feels that way the moment she made a racism example all I thought about after that was “she’s talking about white trans women like herself” as i said earlier many typos and grammar mistakes were made sorry for the misunderstanding:)

[@khadijaelboushi7742]

* it won’t let edit the main comment but i made many typos so here’s a clearer version of what I wanted to say* Im a black cis woman and I agree with all your talking points! But it would be better if you don’t compare trans issues to black people and racism as it centers the conversation around trans women of your race after listening to it. Black trans women exist and they go through worse due to their gender and race ! so its really stupid to use the racism against black people argument when discussing transphobia or any other injustices honestly since black people also go through it on top of the racism ! And it’s a bit unnecessary especially for your black audience to hear. Great video 9/10

[@brennenbeckwith]

i was also a fan of HIMYM as I was growing up and I had no idea how transphobic it is until re-watching it later, i really think HIMYM is responsible for normalizing and even encouraging transphobia in modern television

[@user74027nh]

I bet. I rewatched it back when the pandemic started, and there was *so* much more than I remembered.

[@juliankirby9880]

Every time I go back to watch a show for nostalgia purposes. I really notice the homophobic, transphobic and mysoginistic jokes, tropes, and messages. Really makes it hard to watch some stuff 20 years later.

[@GiornoGiovanna_88]

lol

[@Q.b.9378]

No... It's not.

[@erikafriberg]

I found this video very interesting! I've had problems with the sexism and homophobia in HIMYM for a long time, and I've noticed some of the transphobia too. Thank you for this video! I thought your commentary about Robin's upbringing and the effects that it had on her was very interesting too, and something I've not really thought much about before. Now, if I recall correctly, at some point as a teen she moved away from her father and lived with her mom, and that's when she became Robin Sparkles, the teen pop idol who's a far cry the boyish Robin that lived with her dad. As Sparkles, Robin is a lot more feminine, style wise and behavior wise as well I believe. She was generally very sweet and kind and a bit softer than the modern Robin during the series (although as a teen celebrity she probably needed to hold a good image, but still). I also think her behavior around Simon is interesting in this context, she sought affection and approval from him, and when she meets him as an adult she kinda reverts to her teenage self. I wonder if perhaps after Robin got away from her father she went into the other direction, and went very feminine as Robin Sparkles, but as an adult Robin seems to be ashamed of her pop star past. That might partly be because she finds being a pop star embarrassing, but also because she figured out her real self wasn't as feminine as Sparkles was. I also wanna bring up that Robin sometimes seems to look down on other women who shows more traditionally feminine traits, for example emotional vunerability (eg instances with Lily, Becky, and probably more). Add the fact that she doesn't have many female friends. We do know that Robin has walls built up and while she is totally cool and badass and can handle a lot herself, she does have moments that show her vunerable and her wanting more "feminine" things. Like when she buried the locket in central park as a kid she wished to dig it up when she got married (and as we know during a large part of the series Robin has against commitment and unsure if she ever wanted marriage), her mourning her inability to have kids even though she never wished to have any, her wanting emotional support from Barney while they dated but him not giving any, her being upset that Barney never romanced her like he were gonna do with Anita. This turned out longer than I expected, but Robin is an interesting character, especially when you look at her through a gender lense.

[@laurasanya]

Can you give examples of how the show is homophobic? There are many scenes where it's implied that Lily is sexually attracted to women or Marshall and Ted embracing their "feminine" quirks and not even be embarrassed when they pretend to be a gay couple.

[@RedRattt]

I've only seen clips and I assumed Barney was meant to be an obviously horrible person. It's like going back and watching Big Bang Theory and realising Howard is an explicit sex criminal.

[@standardhuman8675]

he *w h a t*

[@sarascarpati887]

Wha?

[@RedRattt]

@@sarascarpati887 Remember when he admitted to trying to driving one of the remote control cars with a camera on top under her skirt. Or giving her a teddy bear with a web cam inside.

[@sarascarpati887]

@@RedRattt yeeesh!! i removed that!

[@lazerpie101]

@@RedRattt I haven't seen any of those mid-2000s sitcoms (the laugh tracks make me homicidal). Every time I hear about one it makes me concerned. What the fuck have you all been watching?

[@Frognungun]

The playbook is no longer casual sexism, IT'S COMPETITIVE SEXISM!

[@AdequateEmily]

As someone who grew up on this show and legitimately realized how deeply it messed me up when discovering my identity, I'm really glad seeing it being covered this way. Its something I myself had considered doing but was too nervous to return to (and also I'm...not good at covering TV) and I'm just glad this exists. Its a shame too...there were some really good parts of this show but as you pointed out, its just something that'll continue to look uglier as time goes on.

[@WL1264]

But then what's left to make fun of? Can a tv show not make fun of animal lovin? Coz that might offend someone?

[@Andricus1]

@@WL1264 If you have to make fun of someone's race, gender, LGBTQIA orientation or the like to make a joke, then it wasn't that great of a joke to begin with.

[@WL1264]

@@Andricus1 pliz give me examples of gud comedians and sitcoms then..... also if something makes fun of everyone its ok.....i would understand if it were only lgbtq stuff. other wise da fuk can ppl joke about....

[@Lonely_Raven_666]

I'm very glad I was aware of trans issues before I saw this show and it never influenced me when I discovered I was non binary. I'm sorry for you. Personally I find comfort in that show and try not paying attention to the bad jokes and the transphobia...

[@shishkebab1008]

@@WL1264 Brooklyn 99

[@SuperNuclearUnicorn]

Barney: "how bout those transes, am I right!" *laugh track*

[@aliciabergman1252]

Did a rewatch of HIMYM a year a go and I grew up w the show too. Barney was so much worse than I remembered. The line ’I think I once sold a woman. Carkeys switched hands and then I just left her there’ and then the canned laughter?! Horrifying!😰

[@annamaria9073]

I always felt like those 'everybody has seen everybody else naked (in a sexy way) and yet everybody is still friends' are stuck in a high school mindset. And I'm never wrong somehow.

[@NightmareLyra]

Btw re: Friends and Chandler's dad, the character is in the show represented as being a drag queen but not a trans woman and still going by he/him pronouns and using the name Charles when off-stage (on-stage its "Helena Handbasket", a obvious drag queen persona name). That whole trans thing comes from a interview with the creators and actress involved after the fact, and is on the same level as "Dumbledore is gay" Its a common misconception I see a lot online, and I just wanted to clear it up as I'm tired of cis people seeing this discourse and conflating cis men doing drag personas with genuine lived trans women experiences (which is probably the original misunderstanding that caused them to claim Chandler's dad is a trans woman in hindsight to begin with, seeing as the character is a reference to the film Priscila Queen of the Desert).

[@duse1010]

I think the character of Chandler's father is a bit confusing because he presents as a woman even off stage at Chandler and Monica's wedding. Also the actor is a cis woman. I am only using he because they all seem to be but even the character name is Helena. I think that only Chandler's mother calls her Charles which could actually be deadnaming but all of this is probably just the creators being confused or more likely just not caring about proper representation.

[@origami_dream]

I don't think the "whole" thing comes from that interview. This is the first i'm hearing of its existence, and i very much think she's intended to be a trans character. Casting a female actor i think shows that. And i remember watching it as a kid with my family, and them being very confused by the idea, and the question my cousin asked of "so are they a man or a woman?", which prompted my mom to give a very poor explanation of what a "transsexual" was. So i think it read as her being trans at the time, too. At least in that room. I just think the writers had that little idea what they were doing that it ends up a jumbled mess of nonsense. They were so ignorant and thoughtless that they didn't even realize they were misgendering her because they didn't consider that trans people... exist. Or they did consider and decided no, they don't; they're men. They were in that "shemale" mindset. That's how i read it anyway. Maybe they did intend otherwise. Either way, it's utterly horrific and bigoted, and Chandler and the writers responsible for those moments are awful. Whether it's homophobia and/or transphobia. I'd argue it's bucketloads of both.

[@TheGuindo]

it's not on the same level as "dumbledore is gay" because chandler's dad is actually queer on screen at any point in the story, lmao. the show also makes it pretty clear that charles presents as female _most_ of the time, even when not performing as helena. the writers confirming it after the fact wasn't them going "yeah she was trans the whole time and we just never told you" (ie the dumbledore situation), it was them saying "we didn't do it right because we were ignorant at the time, but yes she was intended to be trans." in other words it was what they intended to convey, they just didn't do so correctly due to their own lack of understanding.

[@wtdrmfrthwbzn]

@@TheGuindo 100% this

[@ghouling1111]

BUT.. it was the first show to represent a trans woman or drag queen with a female actress. So it got some things right, others wrong.

[@caitie-takes]

I love your interpretation of Robin. As a cis woman, I’d have never thought of that, but I think that Robin being trans and Ted working through that and his misogyny makes it a much more interesting story! First vid I’ve watched of yours, new sub and I look forward to the next vid

[@bViiiRaL]

I can see why you had to edit such a short paragraph, you’re a fucking moron. Why the hell would Robin be trans? Quit mixing your bullshit into any type of media

[@jonathanjoestar3923]

holy shit this comment is why this whole video and sessions is problematic people need to learn TV isn't real HIMYM doesn't preach about morals all the characters are shitty except marshall and its fine to laugh at it

[@caitie-takes]

@ not sure where in my comment that it’s an interesting take makes you think that I think this fictional story is real and has some moral lesson….. I just think it’s a more interesting story. And if that bothers you, maybe you should take a look at yourself and why…. 🤷🏻‍♀️ have a good life

[@Andrea-y7f4u]

​@@jonathanjoestar3923 TV isnt real doesnt really mean anything, it can very really influence people. I suppose its easy to say its funny and you should just laugh when theyre not making fun of you. You dont have to teach about morals to perpetuate a dumb stereotype.

[@darlalathan6143]

I'm glad I wasn't a regular viewer of that show! I had no idea it had so many t-slurs, sex workers, women using urinals in the men's room and trans-panic anxiety in the main character!

[@ninyaninjabrifsanovichthes45]

I'm trans and I have not set foot in a mens room in YEARS.

[@mrs.stefonmeyers7156]

Ted's fear of accidentally dating a trans woman was almost... fetishy 😐 the trans panic was sooo uncomfortable to get through, I don't know how my stomach took it at the time.

[@DarkLordGanondorf190]

Years ago, when the show was still at its height, I watched a makeover show. The episode included a young man, who was kind of a geeky dork type, who was entered by his mom, because she knew he wanted to be more like Barney Stinson. They gave him a haircut, a beard trim and outfitted him with a couple of nice suits. He looked very smart in the end and was happy with himself. But, and it's a huge but, at the end, he got embarrassed when his very elated mother, who was just so happy to see her son looking so dapper, wanted to hug and kiss him in front of the cameras. He openly denied the affection of the person who entered him in the first place and was just happy for him, because he felt she was messing up his new image. It left such a bad taste in my mouth I still remember it years later. It was the first time teenage-me got an idea of what toxic masculinity can look like.

[@zhetadempsey2299]

I used to LOVE it and then I decided to rewatch it as an adult and the first episode fetishizes half Asians and compares us to other mixed races. This is why mixed kids have so much identity issues and it was so ingrained into me in my teen years I didn't even notice comments like this. All I knew was that people only liked me because I was mixed which is problematic.

[@clintosfan]

You sure anybody truly like you?

[@ohtamb]

Love your videos, Lily. I didn’t watch HIMYM but wanted to mention that in 2020 Jason Segel (the actor who played Marshall) created and stared in a 10 episode series called “Dispatches from Elsewhere”. Barely anyone knows about it, but it was pretty well done. In the show Segel gets to know a mysteriously connected group of strangers… that includes a trans woman named Simone played by Eve Lindley. Their story and the characters are presented well and I think ultimately was good tv representation even if I’m the only one I know who saw it.

[@sinnsage]

any idea where we could stream that show?

[@hannahseling1513]

@@sinnsage I know this is an old comment, but I watched it on Amazon Prime

[@breathless_siren]

Nice to find this comment because this video made me think of Jason Segel, then made me think of that show and Alice Eve. Anyone who finds out about it should watch it.

[@FrancisR420]

I'll keep in mind for anyone watching it's peak mystery show That was canceled after the first season. It's all setting up mysteries which never get answered at the end. they just do a monologue about how it was all about the journey. If you like film students jerking themselves off you'll love it

[@TeacupTSauceror]

This was exactly the catharsis i needed after noticing all the "i used to be a dude" jokes a decade ago. Keep doing the good work

[@mp_1231]

You know what, I love the head cannon of Robin being a transwoman. In the bloopers of Robin saying she used to be a man , Ted goes "OH??*noticeably MORE interested in Robin*" make that cannon. Also, you made some excellent points. My head cannon is barney was NOT as toxic as Ted described him to his kids. He did that so that they would see Ted as more deserving of Robin. Like really amplifying barney's bad behavior so the kids have no choice but to encourage Ted to rescue Robin. Buttttttttt....you made great points about the slurs, toxicity being glorified, bigotry played for laughs. It's not obvious enough that Ted is a vilian and unreliable narrator.

[@pringlebatch]

I would love to see that blooper,... but I cba to wade through the comprehensive, 1 hour blooper compilation video on YT 😜

[@teddybaker4759]

*"Ted is a vilian"* what did I do? 😭😭😭

[@Vivian2043]

​@@teddybaker4759oh, you did nothing wrong ily. Have you drink water today?

[@ThePurpleCheesecakeZebra]

Robin is trans by Barneys own loguc "its always the one in the turtle neck" what is Robin wearing the first time we see her?

[@Orion_TheyThem]

See this doesn't work though. Because she talks about how her period is ALWAYS regular. It's a point of pride with her. Which is why she had a pregnancy scare. And then went to an OBGYN who told Robin she was infertile.

[@OscarGomez-hg8cb]

The funny thing is, *if* the joke about Ted’s fears where how absurd and ridiculous they are, then it would be legitimately funny, because his reaction in all of those “nightmare scenarios” is hilarious… But the problem is the show clearly doesn’t treat the fear as the joke, and more the possibility of his fear being founded as the joke.

[@PrinceIsot]

Because trans people try to hide what they are, and sleeping with someone on false pretenses is rape....

[@lynnboartsdye1943]

I never grew up with the show but I’d catch my mom watching it here and there, this kinda unlocked a memory of an episode where this therapist is dating one of the characters and it all culminates in the therapist having a breakdown and pointing out how creepy and toxic the entire friend group is and I agreed with him! I love Neil Patrick Harris but I far from like the character he played there. I don’t remember anything else about that episode but if anyone who followed the show did was this real?

[@violet7773]

Yes it absolutely was real and he was probably right But I'm not sure that therapist had much of a leg to stand on: Robin was actually his patient before he said he had to stop treating her because he was attracted to her and then they started dating

[@jamesscott6979]

Robin did date a therapist, but I don't remember if he had a breakdown in the show. I haven't watched it in about six years. That did however happen in an episode of Friends, season 1 episode 13, where Phoebe dates a therapist and he has a breakdown in front of the friend group and tells them how incredibly toxic they are.

[@tychoderkommentator2989]

​@@jamesscott6979the therapist did have a breakdown. It was in the episode where marshall and lily try to decide on which color to paint their babies room in.

[@flourfacegerard1019]

As a trans person who watched and loved this show, all the tranphobia rolled over my head geez

[@mystuff8602]

Good on you! It shows that you can enjoy a piece of FICTION without getting your personal politics mixed up in it.

[@Tusisvrivhing]

@@mystuff8602 except being trans isn’t personal politics…? It’s a state of being.

[@alexanderdahlin1690]

@@Tusisvrivhing True. But at the same time calling the show transphobic and listing like less than 10 jokes. I mean there are over 200 episodes. I would pass those jokes off as honest mistakes by the writers more than the show being transphobic and hateful. You have to remember. The first season is 18 years old at this point (2005). A lot has happened in those years when it comes to acceptance.

[@Very-Uncorrect]

​@@mystuff8602Being trans isn't political, it's something you're born as so shut the fuck up about personal politics

[@ericspagnoli1594]

Because it's not important. They are jokes. Get a life

[@Pubbs]

Great video.

[@a1t3rmusic]

this was such an amazing video and i will be watching more of your videos for sure! also, as someone who recently re-watched the pilot episode of the show, yeah... there was some weird stuff in the show from the very beginning so learning about how much worse it got in regards to transphobia was disappointing but ultimately not shocking. also also, learning about how Robin's childhood mirrors some people's experience with being trans was pretty cool and something i hadn't noticed before so thanks for that!

[@nenhana]

this video really helped me as a cis woman to see things by a different perspective. I always focused more on the misogynist and homophobic aspects of the show and never on the transphobia which I recognized but never would have thought that it was so aggressive and transparent. A reason for me not realizing the transphobia may be that english isn't my first language (actually, I learned english through this show). Till this day, even though I knew the t-word was a slur, I didn't know it caused this much discomfort on trans english speakers. Thanks for addressing this topic in such a didatic way

[@qimori8094]

I don't know if you already knew this, but in case you didn't, it's spelled transphobia/homophobia

[@nenhana]

@@qimori8094 I actually didn't know. I spelled as it is in my language and hoped it would be comprehensive Thanks!

[@n3r3sh77]

Somehow I always understood Barney to be a disgusting person who certainly had some charm, but every time he got what was coming to him, it felt really satisfying. And long before I became open to exploring myself in the way the LGBT+ community has helped me with, I already identified with Marshall for being so unapologetic about being himself and feeling no need to live up to the standards that Ted and Barney always thought they needed to live up to. Also, very devoted to his wife, also very relatable to me.

[@alchemicpink2392]

Silver lining, I now recognize why Robin resonated with me (transfemme) as a teen. The rest of the show fucked up a lot of my conceptions, but at least that's there.

[@ms.aelanwyr.ilaicos]

I never watched HIMYM, but from the clip of the wedding scene, my heart immediately ached for him to accept her. Also, there really does seem to be something to the take that she's pseudo-trans. There's a sympathy with the gut-punch of invalidation she must have felt My media experience like this was the Futurama episode addressed on another vid on this channel, where Bender goes through medical (mechanical?) transition to overperform in sports. Like, the authenticity of his experience of femininity, his relationship with which was left ambiguous after his detransition, always made me feel the pit of longing that I now recognize as dysphoria.

[@josephhoracek6477]

how i met your mother was a show that normalized liberal ideology for me for the first time (e.g. gay marriage) at a time in my life when i was very conservative politically. I will always be grateful for that. HOWEVER, i always was put off by the transphobia in the show and never understood why people are so afraid of trans people. i just always put up with it because this show is just so good

[@Bruh-zx2mc]

"i just always put up with it because this show is just so good" You should've gone to Specsavers.

[@josephhoracek6477]

@@Bruh-zx2mc i don't know what you're referencing

[@tricker2357]

What you said about Ted being just as bad as Barney really makes me feel seen, cause I've seen the whole show at some point and thought about it just the way you did. I never recognized the blatant transphobia in the show, but might be because I watched it in german at the time and wasn't seeing as clearly. Great video!!!

[@D3SUG4RU]

pals, if you're about to go to the most recent comments, get your hazmat suit first cuz things are about to get toxic in here...

[@miqwerty]

Because I watched How I Met Your Mother at a young age, I thought the t-slur was just a term for sexually promiscuous women, kinda like "tramp." I didn't watch all of the show and didn't know that trans identity was a thing for an embarrassingly long time. I'm overcome with a mixture of nostalgia and feeling real gross watching these clips, mostly because the show was a sizeable part of how my mom and I bonded when I was young. Fantastic video tho

[@kinyutaka]

The T-slur is a weird one, because for most of us it started out as an attack on transvestites. And transsexuals were not even thought of as a real thing. And yeah, that is textbook transphobia. But a guy who just liked wearing dresses was no different from a trans woman, which is why the T-slur was used for both groups.

[@-Scrapper-]

@@kinyutaka Hello I'm a woman. Please get close to me

[@taylorkeith4400]

In the mid 2000’s we saw the rise of the metrosexual, straight people who to some degree coded as gay. I’m not aware of any existing term but you make a good case for Robin being a cis woman coded as trans. Robin is the cis/trans version of a metrosexual.

[@philsose4844]

how can robin be trans, she had a father

[@Lycaon1765]

You mean a tomboy

[@kickisthattrue335]

@@philsose4844 ?

[@margueritedepompadour7031]

@@philsose4844 wtf

[@leonrussell9607]

@@philsose4844 hahahahaha

[@therestinghornet6906]

I was literally talking to my gf about this show the other day and the more and more I brought it up the more I realized how bad it was and how it really fucked me up and my perception of "love" and dating as a teenager

[@StrikingAlexa]

Im a trans woman and id never pee at a urinal even seeing one triggers my dysphoria

[@arlarl5122]

I’m a trans woman as well. I feel your pain but…. I realized the irrationality of the situation not far into a thru-hike. Though I desperately hoped no one would see, it became an unnecessary inconvenience to squat and especially if I didn’t want to take my pack off. We all deal with it in our own ways I guess. And I have no hang ups with my choices when using a port-a-poddy.

[@ianmcdonough7575]

tuning in as a trans woman who used to adore HIMYM but hasn’t watched it in forever …. this is gonna hurt

[@djibkan2795]

ok

[@ianmcdonough7575]

@@djibkan2795 ok

[@staceynainlab888]

man, I hate when people use the "oh that's how things were back then" excuse. Someone used that excuse with me with Tangled: The Series. Overall, amazing show but weird how they treat Shorty's dementia as a running joke. I was telling someone about it and they actually started going "oh the things that were considered acceptable back then". The show ended in 2020! I don't know how they got the idea this was the long past, Tangled the movie was only in 2010. In fact I was telling this person I found it ironic because Mandy Moore, who voices Rapunzel, plays a character with dementia on This Is Us, which was actually running at the same time as Tangled: The Series.

[@HelluvaSwiftie]

I think they meant at the time the show was set, like back in the 17/1800s, not 2020s.

[@staceynainlab888]

@@HelluvaSwiftie no, I think they thought I was talking about a show from the 1980s or 90s

[@TheGabygael]

on another subject, i wouldn't be surprised if lily was gay but didin't realise it before dating marshall and as she kept on dating him, she shoved her feeling so deep that, when it was time for her to commit to her relationship, she felt this urging feeling of running away. Without being able to recognise and accept where it comes from, she assumes she has a bad case of fomo, and the bad feelings surrounding her moving to SF and the guilt mixed with the grief of ending a relationship that lasted a decade of her life, convinced her that she was meant to be with marshall. When her feelings for robin resurfaced, she was already settled down with marshall (would explain her assumption that she's the settler of the relationship) and the only way she could express her feelings and hushed lust for her dearest friend without losing all of the people closest to her, is by hinting at it as a joke which ends up by coming off as creepy

[@derpoblizist9076]

But she didn’t like it when they kissed.

[@TheGabygael]

@@derpoblizist9076 completely forgot it x)

[@sofiaboo6739]

i always saw her as bisexual tbh but this makes sense

[@odditynix]

Yeah I just figured she was bisexual. Even if she’s bisexual your comment still makes sense though.

[@lovelyrisingstar0444]

You're so right

[@thomasdatoneboi405]

My parents and I watched it together, in 2020, and it was the first time I heard the T slur. I just got up from the couch and ranted for a solid while about how it’s so horrible and perpetuating negative stereotypes and I was most angry about how my parents were fine with the “joke”

[@blah204]

Bro it’s not that serious lmao

[@connor5187]

It was the first time you heard it but you knew it was horribly and represented negative stereotypes?

[@thomasdatoneboi405]

@@connor5187 first time I heard it in the wild. I knew I was trans so I knew there existed slurs but I'd never encountered them yk?

[@gabrielrojas613]

@@thomasdatoneboi405 I take it you're a teenager?

[@theo.k.r]

@blah204 it kind of is that serious tho..

[@Dana-gn3nb]

I love HIMYM but yea I cannot deny the transphobia in this show. Like even younger me felt ick about those "jokes".

[@naturequeen2597]

I remember being in IKEA with my roommates, all done up and stuff (transfem) and when walking out of the store hearing some old guy say to his wife "that's a dude". So ya that totally made me feel great 😅

[@turqussy]

im sorry that happened ):

[@jessemiller4953]

What the fuck is the point of saying shit like that 😮‍💨

[@not_ur_mamas_mothman]

I really felt this. Growing up as a nerdy and closeted kid I was really drawn to the Big Bang Theory, only upon my reflection as an adult do I realize how problematic a lot of the "jokes" and plot were, as well as the writing of Sheldon's ASD and supposed "asexuality" in the early seasons.

[@toasterenthusiast8023]

It's crazy just how rose tinted my perceptions of this show had been for so long. I had pretty minimal awareness of even the existence of trans people at the time of watching (I figured out I'm trans not long after being told what it meant) but I feel pretty gross thinking of just how many excuses I made for Barney.

[@rosysulla]

So glad 15 year old me gravitated towards always sunny. Himym could never convince me these people were good, especially ted who i hated like something fierce from the moment he appeared.

[@violet7773]

It's Always Sunny is horrible to its trans character too. Mac is called gay for being with her before she's had bottom surgery, then after she gets bottom surgery she says it's not gay for her husband to be with her because she's a real woman now. And then Mac later comes out as gay, proving that it is gay to for men to like trans women who haven't had bottom surgery

[@rosysulla]

@@violet7773 Mac is a bigot and misogynist and consistently written that way. He is always wrong and ignorant, and the show uses it not to laugh at transpeople but to point to Macs stupidity and vanity. Being gay doesnt change that Mac is horrible. Ted on the other hand was a good guy (and Barney the cool guy). They represent two regular American dudes and their jokes were at the expense of transpeople, used to create an invisible line between them (straight white men) and everyone else.

[@horrorhistory7342]

The last point isn’t that implication. One of the points of Mac is that he’s gay but due to growing up catholic was closeted and tried to sleep with women to convince himself he’s straight. Also I’ll say that sunny while not being the greatest toward Carmen, was pretty good all things consider. They consistently use proper pronouns and her name, and dee was willing to be her surrogate. Also the point of the gang is that they are the worst people in Philadelphia so how they’re presented is different than those in HIMYM. That’s all why watching the show never got to me as much with transphobia since I’m a trans person.

[@horrorhistory7342]

Also to point out Mac is a hypocrite. He says Carmen’s husband is gay because she used to be a man, but when he mentions the surgery the gang questions and the fact they used to date before she had the procedure. Bringing his own dumb point against him makes him uncomfortable and he immediately tries to deflect. Again it’s not the best but I see how it’s treated in sunny a lot different than other shows. Especially due to the context.

[@flawlix]

The whole “gay man playing sexist womanizer” thing actually has a really simple explanation: HIMYM started airing in September 2005 and NPH didn’t come out until 2006.

[@bearlyarts6153]

I’ve always read Robin as an example of the “tomboy daughter to non-binary pipeline” But I think the beauty of media is being able to interpret it however you want, so your read is just as valid

[@xenopyxis]

out of topic but ms. lily u have very imperious and eye catching hand motions, the vibe of a kid who really enjoyed doing slideshow presentations in middle school. i fuck with it, awesome vibes, subscribed.

[@ravioli4967]

i was obsessed with himym when i was 13 and now (16) i starting looking into it again for nostalgia and i was shocked at how just…bad it was..

[@Sathrus04]

You are being groomed

[@julieelch]

@@Sathrus04what

[@blah204]

@@julieelch going on twitter too much, getting indoctrinated, etc. can make one incapable of handling a funny tv show.

[@julieelch]

@@blah204 I love himym, some don’t and that’s ok 💀

[@strawberryfox8819]

@@Sathrus04 That's not what grooming is

[@staceynainlab888]

I'm really happy someone made a video about this. The show was extremely transphobic, but in a way so casual a lot of people didn't even notice. Some of the examples you brought up here, II either hadn't;t noticed or had forgotten. I think the characters in the show are unaware of the issues in the trans community and don't really think about their attitudes, which in turn causes the audience who are similarly unaware to be validated in their ignorance and not examine their views. I'd like to remind people that there are good things about this show as well. My favourite episode is Trilogy Time, it aired when I was going through a bad time and remind me that a lot changes in three years and good things may happen sooner than I expect. The show had a lot of positive messages about life and hope. But it also had a lot of flaws, both creative flaws and moral flaws, most of which I was in denial about until the finale shattered the glass. Thee most obvious moral flaw is Barney being a terrible person and his friends being terrible for enabling him. And even after he allegedly grew as a person, they just kept finding excuses to bring back sleazy Barney because they thought that was all that was funny or interesting about him. and ted was not much better. The main difference between Ted and Barney is Ted's desire for long term relationships, which causes him to act like a stalker. And even he sometimes goes along with Barney's ideas to have causal sex with women he thinks aren't good enough to try for a real relationship with. the transphobia is one of the worst things about the show. in two of those jokes where Ted imagines his worst case scenario, he imagines escalating bad scenarios with the "used to be a dude" thing being the last one, implying it is worse than the previous ones. It implies that being trans is worse than enjoying killing puppies or intentionally framing a teacher for rape. it also implies that Ted, the hopeless romantic in search of the perfect woman, would turn down an otherwise perfect woman, who meets all his criteria, just because she was born in the wrong body. I hoped the mother would turn out to be trans just to prove him wrong. I'm sure he would be okay with adopting children. I have seen people argue that he isn't being transphobic, it's just his sexual preference. But when he imagines being surprised at the alter by Robin being trans, he has already had sex with her numerous times without issue. If he's already attracted to her and already has satisfactory sex with her, how can her then use sexual preference as a reason not to be with her? It is pretty cool that the show accidentally had good transgender representation with Robin. I think it would have been a very interesting twist if Robin was actually trans, and that time she told her friends about being raised as a boy she fudged the truth a little bit and in fact was biologically male. It could have been growth for Ted and Barney to realize they love a trans woman. Her being surprised by being infertile would make no sense though, that would have to be retconned. Although it is good that they sort of accidentally made Robin trans coded, on the flip side, in a way the story about her dad raising her as a boy gives ammunition to the bigots. A lot of people make the accusation that parents are forcing their kids to be trans because they wanted the opposite gender child, as Robin's dad does to her.

[@mwmheps]

I rewatched HIMYM during the pandemic (I was obsessed with it when I was around 15-16 though really disappointed by the eventual ending) and was really shocked by how prevalent the transphobia in particular was. Every single episode that I remembered as being a standout from the series (like Arrivederci Fiyero) had a clanging transphobic joke in them, it was truly jarring to notice. That on top of all of the misogyny I found a lot worse than Friends which I had just rewatched as well, it really did not hold up at all. Thanks for making this! Love the idea of Robin as trans as well.

[@atesemireltutar6661]

15:00 "It's always the one in a turtleneck, Ted." Camera cuts to the one in a turtleneck

[@falconeshield]

Lolol

[@greenplumberL]

This was a show that I really loved as a teenager and into my early twenties. Every time a friend has brought the show up in the past few years I felt sort of repulsed about it. There are so many problematic elements that exist in HIMYM. Thanks for this video, its going to help me explain to my friends some reasons why I no longer like that show.

[@rowan404]

I still remember when someone called me the T-slur in response to me dissing Kiwi Farms, and I was just thinking, ‘Way to expose yourself!’

[@Roxanneredpanda]

As I trans woman who watched this show when I was a lil baby, I didn't even realize that that stuff was in there.

[@rutepereira7628]

Trans person here!! HIMYM is one of my absolute favourite shows ever BUT the transphobia in this show is so unnecessary and ... kinda weird. A lot of people will argue it's just early 2000s humor, but still. I feel like they wrote Ted especially as very transphobic & I'm glad you brought it up, I really really hate because I actually like him a lot of the time. I love that you mentioned Robin, her being trans is something I've headcannoned for years, and something that I felt like Cobie Smulders would get behind!

[@rutepereira7628]

... this got long, I apologize

[@genericbro2440]

Omg brazilian trans person hi bestie

[@StoneSaysHello]

I found your channel recently, and am slowly going through your catalog, it's a good time.

[@acausedes]

I started watching HIMYM when I was 8, and over time it's been a comfort show I've mine I turn back too, leave on in the background while I do work, etc. So I've seen the show so many time beginning to end, and every time I do I feel like I find new things about the show I didn't pick up on as a kid, things that make it harder and harder to rewatch every time. I remember when I finally became aware of the transphobic jokes, but the sheer amount of them absolutely blew my mine. It's insane to think I grew up watching this and it never struck or really occurred to me. When I saw the title I was kinda like "yeah, I already know" but I appreciate hearing a trans person take on it, someone who was also a fan of the show growing up. It's such a bummer to look back on what was a light hearted comfort show and just be disgusted by how hateful it actually was. But I really loved your video, thank you

[@teethcoat4274]

I had a similar experience myself, this was one of the shows I would watch and rewatch constantly with my dad, and while I never developed much of an attachment to Ted because his view of romance was so alien to me, I still wished him the best. But I haven’t watched the show in a year or more now, so Ted’s nastiness and the general unpalatable tone of the show when talking about trans people really mars my affection for it. And somehow I never picked this up during my own viewings. I think at most I felt something off when I saw Lilly make the t-slur joke, but somehow the “Scott or Not” joke completely flew over my head.

[@notfreddie9285]

i never know what to comment on stuff but i just wanna say 1: Top tier video and 2: we share a name therefore i am obligated to binge all your videos now

[@adrianz5614]

I used to watch HIMYM after school on German TV. I tried rewatching it a few years ago, looking for some mindless sitcom fun and couldn't get through the first season. Many 90s/2000s have aged poorly, but I had not remembered it being this bad. It showed me that I had 0 understanding of trans issues before my own coming to terms with my identity. It hurt me deeply that apparently they were aware enough to not be (too) homophobic, but see trans people as punching bags, not humans that could watch this show. The actors and showrunners should have known better.

[@l_l_new]

I watched this show over and over again when I was 17-19 but I haven’t touched it in nearly 10 years since for all these exact reasons. I loved it but I know it’ll irritate me now.

[@saragranado3471]

I still like the show, but it always horrified me how it impacted young men, who saw Barney as inspirational instead of as a loser, promoting pick up artristy and misogyny. I am also very disturbed by guys today that compare themselves to Ted, it seems they learnt all the wrong lessons. But when Im watching I'm able to let most of that go because the characters are so charming. (Although I always roll my eyes at Ted's fear of trans surprise, it is weird that they made that joke 3 times)

[@Jason_Altea]

Same with people unironically identifying with/idolizing It's Always Sunny characters.

[@kklein]

pray tell, how did that go down? not only did you meet my mother, you did it in a transphobic way?

[@madeline_from_celeste_real]

bro i love your channel and i was NOT expecting to see you here

[@brook_angel]

Oh damn, a pleasant surprise to spot a familiar name while digging through the comments.

[@Trip_Fontaine]

As a (mostly) straight cis guy, I have to admit that I was one that would often use the "it was a different time" excuse for problematic humor. And while I still think it's a slight mitigating factor, your videos have definitely convinced me that's it's not the "get out of jail free card" that just excuses all humor like this in old shows. You are so right shows like this had a huge influence on the current culture and should be called out for that.

[@itcouldbelupus2842]

"I bought it at a men's store, a place that sells suits and beef jerky". Men, we are a joke.

[@pringlebatch]

There was that store The Sharper Image, which inexplicably sold Trump-brand steaks as well as clothing. Trump is the embodiment of toxic masculinity

[@tinfoilslacks3750]

I mean existence is one big cosmic joke, who fucking cares

[@Neon_Ghost1]

NGL I came into this video a little defensive because I loved the show and I legit couldn't remember any jokes or instances where they even discussed trans people, seeing those clips and examples it was like holy cow how did I miss that? I think you did make some really good points and a case for your argument. The only thing I would argue against is Barney's character I think is meant to be a caricature, a representation of everything that's wrong with the hyper-masculine bro culture which is why they ironically cast Neil Patrick Harris for that role. I kind of saw him the same way that Stephen Colbert played the caricature of a right-wing news pundit when he was on comedy Central. Not that it excuses the way his character is even though they did try to give him some sort of redemption ark, but great job on this video and thank you for opening my eyes to some really just bad and lazy comedy writing that took the form of this transphobia.

[@GarnetHeartIllustrations]

When I first watched HIMYM, I didn't know the T slur was a slur, I rewatched it recently and it's appalling how often they throw that word around

[@ismolatham4393]

So I went to secondary school between 2009 and 2014 which I think pretty well fits with the span of How I Met Your Mother. I was also a masc-ish in behaviour afab (turns out I'm transmasc non-binary) and masc-ish in appearance (turns out I'm hormonally intersex too). I heard the t slur every time I did PE and the amount of times I was shoved into the boys changing rooms 'for being secretly a man' was stupid. I've never watched this show for more than a couple of five minute clips but that second example of the t slur being used really struck me because I was once near exactly described as that by someone when I was 14 and now I finally know why they called me that, because of this show. Its wild to understand the context of an insult 10 years later.

[@evelynnsometimes2]

im glad you made this video. i tried to rewatch the show a couple years ago and i was astounded by the amount of transphobia and was like "why did i like this show" that and the fact that barney is a monster

[@JasonCDrake-cx3wl]

This is a really good dive into this aspect of the show. Also, gay is used as an insult in season 1 in the club episode. "Who knew being in a committed heterosexual relationship would make a guy so g**"

[@xxshadowdagger5522]

holy shit i never realized that himym used that slur, in fact i distinctly remember being confused when i was younger thinking she called it a ‘train’ car- and even now, hearing it i almost thought that was what she said god, this show was one of my favorites. im. god

[@livridley3515]

YES. I've been waiting for a video like this, the transphobia is so shocking for a show that wasn't that long ago, and I haven't really seen anyone discuss it online apart from the odd comment here and there

[@nathanjones8667]

It makes me very happy that you said 1k likes seems ambitious and there is now 10k in this video. Pretty cool.

[@aeriswolfe]

It's also disappointing how there's a transphobic "joke" in the first few minutes of the first episode of The Big Bang Theory. It permeates our entire culture, ESPECIALLY in sitcoms.

[@falconeshield]

Hahaha, the other is scary isn't it? Says alot about their target audience

[@akademischungebildet5564]

Thanks for the in-depth analysis, Lily! I still really enjoy watching the show as a trans person myself, but the trans "jokes" and the normalised transphobia that goes along with them really make my blood boil time and time again. It's a complicated relationship I have with the show, but I think that's ok. I totally get when people dislike the show because of the portrayed-as-ok-and-normal sexism, homophobia and transphobia embedded in so many episodes of the show, but I think I can still enjoy the concept in of itself. Nevertheless, I never viewed Ted as predatory, so thanks for showing me that his behaviour tends to be quite obsessive (and also undecisive, talking about "breaking up" with Stella and then instantly wanting to get back with her, just for her to "break up" with him and him proposing to her and her actually saying yes, like wtf, just for her to leave him at the altar - like wtf, what of a weird relationship and social behaviour is that?). Although, playing devil's advocate, I think that Ted's behaviour is also often critisised by his friends. E.g. Ted not accepting Stella's 'no' (although I thought that his attempts turning Stella's no into a yes was still within respectful boundaries) and especially Ted not accepting Robin's 'no' in the first two seasons somewhere (Ted making a "last attempt" on a yes from Robin and after getting a no still being obsessed with getting a yes although having said beforehand that he would stop trying if he got a no this time) was portrayed as not okay by at least Lily and probably also Marshal. On the other hand, like with Barney, it's about more than that. Yes, Barney is, at least in my eyes, a satirical character. Admittedly, I think it would be a bit far fetched to say that he, at least most of the time, serves as some sort of jester who only fools around and is making fun of society and therefore never to be taken seriously. That would be an overstatement and a get-out-of-jail-free-card the character doesn't deserve. But at the very least, he's something of a clown character whose behaviour isn't meant to be an example to the real world but more mocking PUAs by harshly exaggerating the whole Barney-picking-up-girls-thing. We see on multiple occasions that his ignorant a**hole-behaviour is perceived as bad and disrespectful, that he has both "mommy-" and "daddy-issues" (he gets 'psychologised' multiple times in the series, but it's also blatantly obvious in more than one scene) and with progression of the series, starting I'd say in mid season 3, he more and more breaks character and shows his 'soft side' with feelings and stuff (falling in love/developing feelings with Robin, ironically after they slept together, which is the complete opposite to what Barney usually does/wants). That being said, Barney still functions as a vessel for almost any kind of jokes, including transphobic, homophobic and yes, even sexist jokes, without them being implicitly or explicitly portrayed as disrespectful, stupid or simply not okay. It's easy for the audience or the show's writers/producers to just discard that by saying that his character in of itself is meant of a joke and can therefore not be taken seriously. But does that include, then, the times he is being sincere? Discarding every criticism on the character Barney Stinson by saying he's meant as a joke, doesn't work, because Barney is not always a joke, he is a slightly exaggerated depiction of a failed guy with parent issues who felt left alone after being betrayed by his girlfriend during his time as a hippie (if we take that anecdote of his serious) and then took a wrong turn and got lost in his own narrative of conquering women to prove a point to no one but himself. So Barney actually is a very serious character. Only his acting as some sort of PUA is while being portrayed as having a serious background also portrayed as a joke by more or less harsh exaggeration and ridiculing. But even then, one could say, that any sexist or otherwise inappropriate joke Barney makes is just him overcompensating for his issues, part of his sexist obsession with conquering women and sexist view on women as pure sex objects (constantly reducing women to her breasts, being incredibly fatphobic (besides always degrading the worth of women who don't fit his vision of thin, in one episode he also mentions some certain woman who was not thin enough for him and a woman is being shown of totally average weight and body shape and the show makes a clear reference that he was more or less talking about her or at least projecting the label of "fat" onto her). But that doesn't really work either as his sexism and especially transphobia and homophobia is often times supported by the others, especially Ted and Marshal, or at least not portrayed as ridiculous or inappropriate behaviour. So it's really more like "Barney's mindset in of itself is totally okay and fine, he just goes a bit too far here and there." And that's similar with Ted. Yes, his behaviour is being criticised from time to time. But too many thingsare being portrayed as totally normal and within the boundaries of healthy romantic behaviour towards women. Or people in general. And that's not okay.

[@2shy2guy52]

I saw “so I met your mother” and “very transphobic” in the title and didn’t see that it was this channel, and my immediate thought was that the title was “so I met your mother, she was very transphobic”

[@thatguyhanzo3468]

having never watched himym i was so incredibly disappointed about the clips you played, but it really does demonstrate so excellently where some of the awful takes people often have come from. Overall this was an excellent video, i will definitely be checking it some of your other stuff

[@Nehelenia3000]

NPH hadn’t been out at the time HIMYM launched. I remember it being a massive deal when he came out BECAUSE he played the ultimate straight man Barney. It was lauded as a massive win for community.

[@uncopino]

the ultimate straight man? barney is and is openly portrayed in the show as a crazy borderline sociopath with a sex addiction problem

[@EvolvementEras]

As someone who used to work at spencers forever ago, the moment you said you had a book I knew exactly what you had because it was one of our most popular selling books at the time. And I was not wrong! Admittedly, I used to read it and chuckle myself 😂

[@pinxerata]

loved this sitcom so much but yeah, i watched Disclosure a few years ago and they offhandedly mentioned the transphobia in it and it made me really think of it more critically. love to see another trans person discuss the show as a prior fan! ❤

[@animosity9197]

In my undergraduate theatre program, we had to take a basic analysis of theatre and film class, and one of the films we watched and analyzed was "The Searchers". I don't remember a whole lot of that film, but I DO remember one of the analysis papers we read to go along with it pointing out that there is a moment of violence towards an unnamed and poorly-treated Native American woman that the protagonists (two white dudes, naturally) treat as a joke, and we do not get a reaction shot of whether or not she is okay or noticed their reaction. Her reaction to her own experience is left completely out of the film, telling the audience implicitly that it is unimportant. I feel like shows like HIMYM where there are lots of transphobic "jokes" and no trans characters to react to them or present an alternate viewpoint are doing the same thing. It's rendering our actual existence unimportant, turning us into figures that only exist when cis people are laughing at us. It's a more subtle form of othering and dehumanizing than having a cis man in a bad wig play a trans woman, but it's still deeply alienating.

[@Timeless-Tunes-u5z]

The show is one of the reason's, why i didnt came out as a child, now im damaged through the puberty

[@djibkan2795]

grow up

[@GDRhythmic]

They did.

[@ShinyLopunny69]

it's ok, there there, pat pat, u're still a cutie

[@Timeless-Tunes-u5z]

@@ShinyLopunny69 :3

[@PixÆl.64]

@@djibkan2795 You have nothing better to do then spread hate, but its ok, you're helping this video by interacting

[@lauren7335]

Very well done video, thank you for going in depth with this and really explaining the impact. I definitely watched this show growing up and don’t remember any of this but am not surprised at all.