How I Met Your Mother - Lily, The Perfect Family Woman

[@thetake]

Go to betterhelp.com/mytake to get 10% off your first month!

[@SY-gx1xz]

It's too expensive and rather ableist

[@lavanyamittal2741]

MANIPULATION AND CONTROL ARE NOT SOMETHING TO ASPIRE TOWARDS.

[@lavanyamittal2741]

@J N YES AGREED

[@lynnevetter]

I heard betterhelp is trash. Have you looked into it properly? I am nervous to engage it.

[@andrewjones575]

Marshall & the kids are a consolation prize for Lily. She really wants to be a successful artist in San Francisco.

[@trinaq]

I loved how Lily and Marshall were the most stable couple. They compromised and communicated well, and most of their problems were realistic, such as life goals clashing or finances.

[@AxxLAfriku]

I am the cool kid from Germany making videos for the USA and the rest of the world. I will make your day so don't say nay to me today, dear trina

[@samf.s.7731]

Yep, Lily and Marshal were a match. Unlike Robin and Ted who seemed to want different things. I did think that Robin was more like Barney, and yes Barney was much more problematic, but they still seemed similar. Ted was more like Marshal, just without his Lily.

[@adrianaa2767]

I’ve used “pause” during fights when im not ready for an answer or to collect myself and my thoughts, and bc we get hungry hahah

[@verydenise]

While they may have been the most stable of the couples on the show, they are definitely not couple goals. She feels trapped and was a flight risk on multiple occasions.

[@josefk7437]

Lily and Marshall were the couple that Ted wanted to be part of. That is why unreliable narrator Ted made them seem more stable.

[@jamesmarshall6619]

As a former high school teacher, ruling out names of former students is common and doesn't mean you hate your job. I loved the job, my students were great but there were students who yeah, not naming my kids after them.

[@FeministCatwoman]

I think the reason they brought it up is because of Lily having a breakdown and confessing to Ted "I spend all day with kids and then I come home and it's more of the same", I'm actually surprised that this scene wasn't included in the video, but at a certain point Lily was burned out from the demands of her job

[@andrewjones575]

You wouldn't be naming them after those kids.

[@raveenasavadi655]

I think Lily puts forth the idea that family and friendship too is hard work. She is undoubtedly the most complex, interesting character on the show. It is easy to hate on her for the shopping and San Francisco but when you pointed out her neuroticism, it makes so much more sense. She is the charcter that I now relate to the most on this show.

[@La_br00tal_mija]

As a metal head turned mom in her 30s I feel this too

[@esikazemese]

Her San Fran trip was the most realistic thing. The couples that "been together since they were each others first" thing is so unrealistic.

[@mahoganyk]

It's honestly why I've always related to her the most lol. I consider her the TV/movie character I relate to the most

[@alim.9801]

​@@esikazemese yeah, usually those people either break up in college or unhappily divorce at like 22 or so. I'm happy for the people that make it but that happens SO so rarely, it's weird they always try to put it in shows

[@indianspartan76]

God no. There a lot of reasons to hate Lily besides the whole SF thing

[@chloekrol7152]

I feel like Lily is also a mom of the group. She is worried about their feelings most of the time and was the one to help to stop fights etc

[@jessedellross3245]

She wasn’t worried about Teds feelings when she broke up all his relationships based on her stupid front porch theory

[@loiracitr]

@J N even if they *were* her kids her behaviour would have been pretty toxic. I get that it's a sit com and characters need to behave funny but the Porch Rule should not be romanticed. It's horrible

[@andrewjones575]

She's also immature, selfish & irresponsible.

[@amyadams9970]

I'm glad your talking about Lily, she gets a lot of hate from fans due to the way she acts, but so do the others and I feel like ppl don't see that's her character. She's flawed, like everyone else.

[@jessedellross3245]

She’s the worst character on the show bar none. The video points out a lot of her terrible behavior but for some reason does it in a positive light. There is little positive with Lily. She is a cold, manipulative, borderline psychotic character. Lastly, Marshall was right during THE fight: Lily only came back to him cause SF didn’t work out. He, Marvin, their future kids, and even the group were consolation prices for her.

[@FeministCatwoman]

@@jessedellross3245 She actually has a big heart and cares a lot. If her friends weren't so immature and emotionally stunted, she wouldn't act so manipulative. And there's no doubt that she loves Marshall. She gave up things for him, and paid the price the one and only time she prioritized herself instead.

[@lavanyamittal2741]

@@FeministCatwoman I dont mean to be mean, but how they portray in this video that she had to give stuff up and thats why she makes so little money is wrong. No one stopped Lily from graduating with a finance degree and becoming a banker and making tonnes of money! She chose a major that makes less money, thats not her sacrificing, its her choice and intellectual capacity!

[@jessedellross3245]

@@FeministCatwoman she didn’t give up anything. She constantly put him in terrible situations with her debt. To the point she had to take terrible jobs to support HER. And yet continued to buy clothes and stuff with HIS money. The video points out times where she had to make sacrifices cause of her own actions…..and she threw temper tantrums EVERYTIME.

[@josefk7437]

@@jessedellross3245 The setup of having Ted narrate allows us to imagine that Lily was not as bad as Ted's narration makes her. We the audience are free to imagine that Ted narrated Lily to be cold and manipulative in order to shift the blame for his own shitty behavior.

[@taleytaleytaley]

She’s the leader of the group. Every character goes to her for advice. Barney confides in her first about his feelings for Robin, asks her to go to the cardiologist with him, Robin shares her feelings for Ted with her first, Ted constantly asks for a “ruling” from her over what he should do, & Marshall obviously values her options over anyone else’s. She’s the one with the camera in the opening sequence! Such an interesting character.

[@matariki9818]

Rewatching the show, you can just TELL that this was written by two guys. As much as I loved Lily AND Robin you could tell that they were written by dudes by the way they were always PUNISHED for choosing career over love, showed as "the bad guy" in most fights, and the way they glossed over Ted's very problematic views of women and Nice Guy behaviour (probably because they identified with him). The San Francisco thing was terribly mistreated (with the notable exception of Barney). The sacrifices Lily ALWAYS made, the way SHE supported Marshall through college, all of that was glossed over, while them going to Italy was shown as Marshall's ultimate sacrifice for his family.

[@GEDHOUV]

So. True!!

[@mariedit9935]

Exactly

[@cutiepiemania45]

Yes!!! I was rewatching and it had that energy especially with the girls.

[@mikemorro140]

Robin sure, but Lily no, for one thing we barely see Lily actually sacrifice for Marshall maybe she supported him through college(and even that I don't really think they go much into) but all the other times she usually just did what she wanted and Marshall ended up just going along with it or having to sacrifice. Like she does go with the art fellowship, sure she's painted in the wrong for it but she still does it, and in the end she gets a good job and since she's pregnant Marshall goes with her to Italy. She doesn't really have any career stuff between that time she has to sacrifice for though cause she's not all that ambitious compared to the others(or at least Marshall, Ted,and Robin as Barney doesn't seem to really care since his job pays such a crapload)

[@matariki9818]

@@mikemorro140 My problem exactly : the show underlines Lily's sacrifices and actions for her family while putting Marshall on a pedestal. She litteraly sacrifices any sort of career ambition she had to raise Marvin. She always supports Marshall on his dreams of being a lawyer while he constantly calls her painting a hobby. My issue is that the show portrays it exactly the way you do, as if Lily was a selfish manipulative minx for, sometimes, wanting some things for herself, while Marshall's behavior is constantly portrayed as heroic and an incredible dad (for being just a decent person). Marshall still gets to have a career while being a father, while Lily doesn't, because she takes care of the child. And when she finally gets a nice job opportunity with the captain, Marshall blames her and tells her that Marvin and himself are consolation prizes. It's not that she's "not that ambitious", it's that, very realistically, she can't be. She can't be ambitious AND pregnant AND raising a toddler, the problem is that instead of showing the struggles motherhood brings, the show portrays her as not that ambitious in the end. I loved the moment when she tells Ted that she sometimes regrets being a mother. It's very realistic and reminded me of everything she had to let go of - but the show only did that once.

[@zoelopez1426]

While my love for some characters went up and down throughout the seasons, Lily and Marshall I loved all the way through. I especially appreciated that rather than ruining their relationship with some stupid cheating storyline to keep the plot interesting, their problems were more realistic like having different career dreams or money problems

[@devilinred3319]

Cheating its also a realistic problem, but i dont think THAT its something this relationship survive

[@taxypalmia368]

I feel like im the only one that doesnt like lilly and marshall as a couple, they look boring and codepedent to me

[@sweetytweety1671]

@@devilinred3319 True but it's also overdone and cliché. Glad they went for other stuff!

[@aricuap]

I love Lily. I always think of the scene where she tells Ted that sometimes she wish she wasn't a mom, because being vulnerable is very brave, and she reminds us that we can't be perfect, we are humans.

[@Moeller750]

It's true that Lily is often shown to me manipulative, but just as often her social and emotional intelligence is presented as her being the smartest person in the group. I'd even go as far as saying, that Lily was the one who taught that understanding social dynamics is intelligence

[@ikella9438]

yea - I also think it was wrong for them to suggest that she didn’t have anything driving her at all and that availability made her “the perfect domestic women” she literally broke up with Marshall to pursue art (in the end she didn’t like it but that impulsive behaviour is fun and not a quality of a stereotypical stable domestic wife in my opinion)

[@josefk7437]

Ted narrated Lily to be manipulative and he was an unreliable narrator. I think Ted narrated Lily to be manipulative so he could pass the blame for his lack of social intelligence.

[@bluesyrupgc4224]

Lily is manipulative, until people realize the people she tries to influence are: a nigh-misogyny dude who is really narcissistic, a well-known womanizer who doesn’t really consider the consequences of his actions, a girl who valued her career over her own personal life, and a husband who has somewhat really low self-esteem. If there’s no Lily, I don’t think the group could have stayed together for over 10 years.

[@trinaq]

I found it refreshing that unlike most sitcoms, Lily wasn't immediately forgiven by Marshall and Ted for abandoning their friend group and leaving Marshall. She had to genuinely work to get back into their good books, and we see the impact that her abrupt departure had on Marshall.

[@EricGraham94]

And don’t forget the episode where Barney supposedly “screwed up” Marshall’s bachelor party. What redeemed Barney in Marshall’s eyes is that BARNEY was the one who flew all the way to San Francisco to ask Lily to come back to NY and marry Marshall. If BARNEY, a known womanizer, wants Marshall and Lily to stay together (to the point he’ll weep over the idea of them separating in Season 3 over a fight), that speaks VOLUMES

[@GirlDo3]

@@EricGraham94 But everytime they are in beef with Barney instead of making them work it out they just make Barney do these big gestures like flying out to San Francisco or getting in a car crash because he ran across the city to see Ted in the hospital.

[@EricGraham94]

@@GirlDo3 to be fair, that’s the lengths Barney will go to to showcase his loyalty. Barney will be upset initially, sure, but he will be the bigger man. Hell he apologized to Ted first about breaking the Bro Code (the second time I might add) after he got hit by a bus.

[@tergelss]

Dude you are EVERYWHERE

[@EricGraham94]

@@tergelss me? Lol

[@wendyful]

I never felt like she sacrificed her professional dreams for a more domestic life. What I love about Lily and other characters in this show, is that they show the reality that not everyone can achieve their more idealistic dreams. They could have said that if she just tried really hard she could have made it, but irl trying hard is not always enough, especially in a field like art. Instead, I love the approach that sometimes happiness and fulfillment don't come as we imagined, but that doesn't mean are less valuable.

[@sunnysolaris23]

As much as I dislike Lily sometimes, I always found it unfair that she got so much hate for San Francisco. She has been with Marshall for such a long time, I think it's pretty valid that she asked herself who she actually was outside of the relationship, before she married him. She might not have choosen the ideal way to find out, but that's life. Opportunities don't always come at the best time. And I think that she got so much hate for choosing herself and her dreams over Marshall when she went to San Francisco is also mysoginistic. I doubt that Marshall would have gotten the same amount of backlash if he was the one who had taken a I-need-to-find-myself break.

[@louis-stephane1391]

This is not the issue. The issue is that she enrolled behind Marshall back and we don't know if she would have told him since he learnt it by accident. Then he agreed with her leaving on the condition that they would resume their relationship afterward but she couldn't guarantee that. They she failed her stuff and try to get back with Marshall as if it was her due and actively sabotaged one of his possible hookup.

[@cherylhulting1301]

@@louis-stephane1391 But in a crisis of identity you can't always guarantee that you can return to where you were before. It depends on the journey and what you discover about yourself.

[@neil5694]

Ong they both needed more time away from eachother. They've been unseperable, aside from a few trips, for years.

[@AliFareedMC]

The Show is about Marshall and Lily, Ted and the mother were plot device, the show covers everything from how the first met till the end, it's impossible to have a relationship without a fight and problems but how Lily and Marshall dealt with it makes them the realistic part of the show, every time I rewatch the show I do it because of Marshall and Lily

[@georgeprchal3924]

No Ted just wanted to tell the kids some stories about Barney.

[@zoelopez1426]

I find it funny that she admits that her mum was such a stereotypical feminist that she wouldn’t get her an easybake for Christmas, it proves that her feminine qualities are her own choosing

[@kattatatatat6361]

And her mom being a single mom/ her dad being such a fuck up and mooch put her through a lot of parentification growing up, the fact that she’s so domestic with Marshall means she really, really loves him

[@AirQuotes]

@@kattatatatat6361 it makes sense she'd see her parents mistakes and go the other way.

[@IzFab]

I love that she still kept her last name though!

[@nameless568]

@@AirQuotes exactly

[@Anna-xh6fk]

No it proves that the writers made a joke about feminists

[@katyflatt6344]

This is such a frustrating take. They make tremendous strides to discuss Lily's professional dreams. She DOES sell her paintings to make money to fix their apartment. She breaks up with Marshall to pursue her art. She becomes an art consult and it's the catalyst for their biggest fight. Her entire arc is combining her professional ambitions with her domestic homedom.

[@slospop1125]

In lily's front porch fantasy I always wondered where Barney was, I've suspected that she may have killed him at times.

[@somebody-br2hm]

Ahahahahah😂😂😂 how do u think she did it ?

[@jessedellross3245]

I hate how this video portrays that as somehow a good thing. It shows how selfish and delusional Lily is.

[@matthiasjilimin700]

Probably thought Barney still be hitting on chicks at that age😅😂

[@dinakisa1049]

He might have been stabbed by one of the girls he heartbroke. Or arrested for human trafficking

[@Jemmyleedoesart]

Rewatching the show nearly ten years after it finished, I find I really relate to Lily these days. I’ve been in a monogamous long-term relationship since I was 20. I always loved kids and wanted to be a mom, whilst also dreaming of being an artist, to the point where I almost left my relationship to pursue art early on. I also make the least money out of my friends and partner. But I finally got to work as an artist and became a mum… and some days I find myself struggling to love my job and of course I adore my daughter, but like most people in their 30’s, there are paths you wish you’d taken. Sometimes I wish I’d done more with my art career, and even though I love being a mum, it turns out I’m not as homely and maternal as I thought I’d be, and I want more from my job. Which is where I would love to see a female character in future who can be a mum AND have a career. Lily was a great mum, and Robin was a great career woman, but why do woman have to be one or the other? Why can’t they be both?

[@cherylhulting1301]

Yes. This is a dilemma the show's writers never successfully resolve. That's probably in no small part because for women to be able to have both, they would have to write men who do more domestic and care labor. American mothers mostly work in and outside the home now (over 70%) and still do 9-10 more hours of work per week than their male partners. I remember seeing Marshall cooking once with Lily. But I don't recall seeing him doing housework when he was unemployed. It was all Lily's job. The writers also seemed to fall into the trap of separating career women from housewives, not being able to see how a woman could integrate the two. And that in fact most women do. The show's actual commitment to feminism and modern lives of women was often pretty shallow.

[@amandaredd3057]

I'll admit that I wasn't a huge fan of HIMYM but Lily was absolutely my favorite character. Then again, I adore Allison Hannigan in everything so...

[@andrewjones575]

How do you feel about her suddenly moving to San Francisco?

[@faerieliana]

Marshall is the most decent guy in the show by far, but not the angel most people who enjoy the show portray him to be. He constantly makes decisions as important as quitting his job without consulting his wife, Lily, and just expects her to support him while he finds what he really wants to do. Also he lies to her by omission, making her believe he will only work at the bank for a couple of years when he's actually considering working there for the rest of his life. He also is willing to do whatever it takes to have a boy instead of a girl because he is afraid his daughter would end up being "a slut" because of his bad parenting. Again, when he is offered to become a judge and accepts he hides it from Lily. He also makes a bet with Barney in which he would "allow him to see his Lily's breasts" without consulting her about it. In several scenes (even during the times in which Marshall is unemployed) we see Lily doing ALL the house chores around the apartment WHILE Marshall watched TV or plays games with Ted. "Relationship Goals", "Perfect Relationship" my ass 🤮🤮

[@emmawnilsson8998]

Plus he always ended up in a strip club with the other guys

[@shallydoul]

True, its a shame how people gloss past these things

[@josefk7437]

Wanting a boy instead of a girl is a sign that he is not fit to parent either. If Marshall had a son, his son would have ended up like Ted or the Barney from Ted's narration due to bad parenting.

[@thatrealawkwardguy]

He didn’t lie about only working at the bank, his plan really was to only work there for a few years but when you are having a child wanting to buy a house etc it’s hard to give up a stable job with reliable income benefit’s etc, that stability gives you the ability to do a lot of things packing your bags and and chasing your dreams doesn’t. Sure it sucks buts the grown up thing to do stick with a job, you may or may not like but can live with to reach certain goals.

[@cherylhulting1301]

Thanks for keeping it real. I'm mostly fond of Marshall but he does have a bad habit of making consequential decisions without talking to Lily. That would be a deal breaker for me.

[@DinosaurMermaidArt]

I think if anything, the message the show gives us at the end is that life isn't over at 30 or 40 or 50 or when you have kids or when you get married or when you get divorced... there will be changes, and decisions you made once might make sense to revisit again when things change again. While Lily gives up a lot for her family in her early 30s, she doesn't have to give up on that art career forever. That very same day that Ted stands under Robin's window again could be the day that Lily submits a painting she made in her spare time to a gallery show that gets her noticed....

[@da_dani6211]

Every character in this show had very evident flaws, which is why we like it so much, we relate. But I do believe they did Lily dirty, they reduced her to only Marshall's girlfriend and at one point she didn't have any interests, she was just the partner. When she left for SF I thought they were going to give her a unique storyline like Robin's, I was very disappointed when she ended up back to Marshall's side and then they turned everyone against her by implying her family was a "consolation prize" when the only thing she did was having normal feelings. She deserved better.

[@todeluuee]

Lily is probably my favourite character of the show. And I'm saying that as someone who never wanted kids, taught kindergarten and hated it, doesn't like to cook or bake, lol.

[@pixelpulse0755]

I like the fact that you pointed out that Lily didn't really have tangible goals. Yes, her goal was to be an artist but it was left too vague and she never really discussed her steps to how she's going to make it happen.

[@jessedellross3245]

It was a hobby. EXACTLY as Marshall said in THE fight. He was completely right

[@broadway520]

It's also much more difficult to be a working artist than to be an environmental lawyer or an architect

[@josefk7437]

Her goals would have been clearer if she was allowed to do the narrating for at least one episode. Older Lily could tell Ted's kids part of the story and fill the gaps in what Ted told his kids.

[@frauleinzuckerguss1906]

Yeah like... If you draw as a hobby you can consider yourself an artist. A more tangible goal would be to be able to live off of her work as an artist or to be published in a prestigious gallery, for example.

[@DeeFig66]

@@jessedellross3245 Just because you can't quantify your career goal exactly doesn't make it a hobby. If someone tells you: "My dream is to work in Medicine" no one would see that goal as a hobby even if it's not defined. (The field is so vast!) Just because art can be done without a degree doesn't mean you don't have high expectations or ambitions or things you will struggle with without some schooling & the connections the schools will provide you. Like with medicine you need to pinpoint in what part of the field you see yourself thriving in and that takes time. Fine Art, Illustration, Animation, Studio Art, Architectural illustration, 3D, Concept art, etc. The issue with a career as emotionally tied to passion as this is that you need to literally do them to know where you interest & abilities lie. This is why there are so many artists that don't have children since they need to devote so much time to their craft. Lily wanted both and unless you freelance and make your time, it's extremely difficult. I know from experience.

[@charlottereames8571]

It drives me crazy that they always frame lily’s breakup at the end of season 1 as “selfish” when it’s literally the only time she ever makes a single major life decision for herself instead of for Marshall. That coupled with the super disappointing ending of Robin’s character arc reaaaally shows how deeply ingrained misogyny was in that writer’s room.

[@jokerjokes4725]

Best character on the show. She was loyal, fierce and honest. And Marshall and Lily will always be our relationship goals

[@suzyocean7392]

Are you male?

[@MyRamblingRose86]

@@suzyocean7392 obviously

[@cheekybarstuard4122]

She isn't loyal, she is selfish throughout the whole run of the show. Definitely not the best character, Marshall is the only decent person on the whole show. Every one of them is deeply flawed but Marshall is undoubtedly the best of them all.

[@neil5694]

​​@@cheekybarstuard4122 What about when he took the judge offer before ever consulting his wife about it? Marshall is def the best character but he isnt an angel.

[@moiff_]

JUSTICE FOR LILY! The fandom hate her so much it's ridiculous.

[@AlessaGore]

IKR!

[@vulpes6144]

On that note could we talk about how unfairly mistreated Lilly was by the end of the first season when she wanted to take the risks for her dreams and Marshal, selfishly, demanded that she gave up on that or the marriage? Gosh, back in 2006 I argued with so many people about it, people constantly labeled Lilly as the selfish one. Just postpone the marriage, gawd damit.

[@JoaoPedro-gc8mw]

Well, Marshall also had to give up on his dreams and morals and take the soul-sucking corporate job he hated so much, so... That is life, isn't it.

[@vulpes6144]

@@JoaoPedro-gc8mw But Lilly did not forced his decision.

[@jessedellross3245]

@@vulpes6144 actually she did with her debt. And then refused to changed her habits to help him.

[@JoaoPedro-gc8mw]

@@vulpes6144 She did not force his decision. But her actions did. If I recall correctly, she was extremely irresponsible, with tons of credit card debt that she kept secret from Marshall (major redflag) and only told him when she saw he had the opportunity to have a high-paying job. And not only that. Yeah, she had the right to go try her dream, but she did abandon Marshal for that and, when she came back, she not only expected him to come back to her at once, she sabotaged him when he tried to move on. He was selfish and often made her suffer, she was selfish and often made him suffer. And that is ok. They are realistic characters like that, flawed but ultimately good-hearted. That is a problem I have with The Take. Love the channel, but they are too forgiving to women. I understand that there is structural misogyny and that, but every single male trope is scrutinized to exhaustion for their actions, but there isn't a single female trope whose bad behavior isn't justified by The Take's hosts.

[@ewanmcgregorofficial3641]

Marshall never made that ultimatum, he asked it she could guarantee that she would come back and she couldn’t so he didn’t want to wait 3 months to maybe be left anyways.

[@areeanachowdhury9070]

"Marahall and I have been together 15 years and the only debate we've had about Tommy boy is whether it's awesome or super awesome. That's love, bitch."

[@wackyjackie12]

I never understood why lily got so much shade. I mean, she was the mom of the group and most of the time voice of reason. Yes there are times she can be a little unreasonable and who can forget szn 1 finale. but lily did put her own needs to the side for a long time for the sake of her relationship and eventual marriage. Don’t get it twisted, as a renowned skeptic on love..I’ve always loved lily and Marshall’s relationship

[@jessedellross3245]

Except you are wrong. She didn’t put anything she wanted to the side. What she wanted as to be the wife/mother to Marshall. There’s nothing wrong with that don’t get me wrong. But the character was completely defined by her connection to Marshall. She was nothing without him.

[@Chuck_EL]

@@jessedellross3245 I never saw hate for lily it was mostly for Ted and Robin in many forums I went to, Lily was usually the most beloved

[@greensciencegeek]

Everyone forgets that Marshal would leave his well paying job at GNB, for a volunteer position at Natural Resources Defense Council, and even hosts his home for the NRDC fundraiser. Their trip to Spain is canceled and Marshal stopped trying to have a family with Lily. Lily remained supportive for as long as she could. Yes she snapped and almost ran off to Spain but she's had Marshal's back since San Francisco. Probably even before then since I think she and Ted where the only one's holding a job while Marshal studied law.

[@reginadanielle3755]

I actually think it was good for lily to find out if she could really make it as an artist instead of her regretting not taking a chance it may have left Marshall feeling alone but it was good for her for being selfish.

[@theheartsystem6206]

I don't entirely disagree. I think the way she went about it was the problem.

[@kahkah1986]

But she made it either or in a way that would be unsustainable for her emotionally in the long term. Either marriage or a career is an unnecessary binary choice Marshall never made.

[@swaggygirl3516]

@@kahkah1986 but Marshall forced her to make that choice, she did not want to break up, he did. Her leaving to San Francisco was framed as selfish when in reality it was Marshall who couldn’t stand her being away

[@kahkah1986]

@@swaggygirl3516 ok, I had forgotten that, it makes more sense actually, that Marshall had kind of set if up for failure from the beginning in that way. I can understand that he would say he needed boundaries, but yeah, he sabotages SF for her then. No wonder she feels blocked and her paintings fail, she has been emotionally rocked. Marshall can always refer back to that as proof that she failed as an artist, but he made it hard for her.

[@namejsliepins2577]

The only reason Lilly was bi is because of recall gag to Buffy. As well as "You're dead to me" look. If You think about it Alyson Hannigan had an excellent career playing two iconic TV characters for 16 years.

[@clairekeane818]

Lily and Marshall are my favourite characters in the show. My husband and I have been together since we were 15, so we are a lot like them. Though it's impossible to be as sweet as they are)

[@bruttencourt]

I love Lily so much, she seems real

[@jokerjokes4725]

Marshmallow and Lillypad forever

[@michelletackett9489]

I love Lily. A regular housewife and mother. I've made that choice she has and I don't regret it.

[@Black_pearl_adrift]

I’ve always connected the most with Lily and I had no idea why for a few years beacuse Robin was who everyone around me kind of wanted to be, career oriented, not tied down, the cool girl etc (which is fine but not everyone has to be that way). But there’s something really nice about seeing other women celebrate being a Lily just as much as being a Robin

[@michelletackett9489]

@@Black_pearl_adrift I love Robin too, but I don't relate to Robin the way I do Lily. But, I root for women, no matter if they are like Lily, or Rkbin.

[@anoushkashenoy692]

@@michelletackett9489 What a healthy conclusion. It’s always annoying how these conversations always end in either hating housewives or hating career-driven women lol

[@michelletackett9489]

@@anoushkashenoy692 I know. Why not love both? We all bring something important to the table. Whether we are CEOs, Doctors, Nurses, Teachers, or housewives.

[@lady_stog]

Loved this analysis, I just wish you had included the "Sometimes I wish I wasn't a mom" scene. That breaks my heart every time I watch it.

[@pranjallpahuja]

I don't understand why Lily is the one criticized so much in the show. She has flaws, but so does every other character on the show and every human being. Lily is such an entertaining, funny, sweet and realistic character and you explored that so well in the essay, I appreciate it! She's definitely the one who keeps the group together and sane, even if her methods may be a bit insane. Her domestic and professional struggles were explored so well in this video!

[@xzonia1]

I agree. Loved their take on Lily :)

[@Darrky92]

As always, I love the videos. However, I feel like the sponsor ads cut into them way too roughly. A better segway into them, a change in speaking tone or music may help with that, but as it is now it feels like how TV ads interrupt a show mid sentence.

[@maitri5265]

Alyson did this character so much justice. Goddamn my heart still shatters a bit at the scene 14:40 and when she says sometimes she wishes she wasn't a mom. And truely that's what I love this show. It shows real problems, not just mainly focus on love and sex, break up and cheating.

[@aleighrose95]

such a insightful, interesting character study of one of my favorite comfort characters!

[@drewholloway5241]

Interesting and nuanced take on the Lily character. In my life, I feel like I married someone with a lot of Lily's traits and it's interesting to see how this plays out for a character on screen.

[@hrvbox]

she's far from perfect and that's why i love her

[@jocelynfisher3174]

Dude I completely forgot about Lily's feelings for Robin!!!

[@dgvanz1155]

"That would be stupid, so . . . so . . . stupid. You are stupid."

[@dgvanz1155]

Or was it "I'm stupid"?

[@freegadflyathome]

It's a cute recurring joke :)

[@alishanr]

I kinda have to disagree. Lily did not have a typical feminine upbringing. Her mother was a feminist, working two jobs (if I remember correctly), her father raised her while making board games, she also never got an easy bake oven because her mother said that propagates gender roles and stereotypes. Also Lily was a punk as a teenager, influenced by grunge for sure because she dated Scooter since he resembled Kurt Cobain. Even in college you can see that when she meets Marshall for the first she still has the punk persona (with the hair and makeup). In my opinion, she evolved into this feminine persona, like the one you're describing, as her relationship with Marshall started to blossom. Maybe not in a bad way, but definitely different from what she used to be. Like how most IRL relationships can change people, for the better or for worse.

[@acausedes]

i feel like its worth mentioning too, in the finale as we fast forward through the next ~20 years of the gangs life, the only thing we really see unfold in lily's life is her having a third child with marshall. we see how everyone else's career progresses except for lily's, it's never brought up.

[@heavenakibun]

It kinda hurts thinking that the one person she thought would've been an excellent match for Ted didn't get to be on that front porch 🙁

[@Punmaster9001]

They did Lilly dirty in season 2. The whole pressuring her to get married because the "impossible to get" marriage hall or whatever the venue was, had an opening in like two weeks' time. 🙄 Instead of supporting Lilly on her art dream, Marshal acts like there's no possible way they could have a happy future if she "ran off for some hobby" that summer. Everything centered around what he wanted and not what she wanted. The show punished her for straying from the "tradition" (read: Outdated bullshit) role of girlfriend, something that this channel pointed out with Robin when she wanted something, the show punished her for straying from her "expected" role. So what if her summer away led to her not wanting to come back? People can grow and change when their lives aren't wasting away in servitude to capitalism's greed. It would have meant Marshal and Lilly could have pursued their own interests without holding each other back and maybe one day they would find each other again. As it turns out, regardless of how people reacted to her paintings, it was a time for her to explore the things she wanted and they still got married even if it wasn't the stupid venue they wanted. Why do people insist on making such a big deal for what is nothing more than a party? One that is likely to happen more than once because of the bogus ideas of what marriage is supposed to be, and that usually leaves women holding the short end of the stick.

[@kahkah1986]

and to imply that art is a hobby, when she does actually have the qualification and did get into the program (from what I can remember), is actually close to gaslighting the audience imo. They introduce the credit card debt to take away from the fact that she straight up gave away her chances to support Marshall's career over hers. You could argue climate activism, while important, is also a 'hobby horse'

[@crazygur1y]

She really was done so dirty for simply wanting some time to explore her identity and career. With every rewatch I feel for Lily more and more.

[@FayeIL]

Marshall was never given the opportunity to support her attending the art program. He finds out she’s in it by accident, from the answering machine, basically two days before she dumps him and goes. If she’d discussed it with him from the outset like normal, functional couples do, the reaction might have been different. And it was clear from ever dialogue surrounding the program that it wasn’t just about her art - it was about her having second thoughts about marriage and settling down. Which, again, she never discussed with Marshall. So while I’m a huge fan of men supporting their wives’ career ambitions, in this case Lily actually was 💯 the bad guy. Marshall can’t be faulted for not being a mind reader.

[@lavanyamittal2741]

@@FayeIL excellent point! so well articulated!

[@cutiepiemania45]

@@FayeIL why do you think she hid the opportunity from Marshall? Because she knew he wouldn't be supportive. They literally tell each other everything. Hiding it from him to avoid what ended up happening anyways with Marshall giving her an ultimatum. Her dreams or him I don't fault her for trying to figure out if she could even get in before having the discussion. And Marshall was given the chance to be supportive. He found out accidentally and could have thought about it. Could've thought about the fact that his girlfriend was really passionate about art and knew that was something she wanted to pursue. Knowing that wouldn't a supportive partner then be like shoot this is hard, but let's figure out a way to get both of these things to happen so we can thrive together ? Marshall is a lovable guy, but people use that to act as though he never did anything wrong. This Ultimatium was one of the key moments where he failed to show up for Lily in their relationship.

[@alannyta_]

Why does everyone seems to forget that Marshall was the one insisted and eventually convinced Lily to go to Italy, even though she had already said no for literally him??? The show portrays their argument as if Marshall's doing a great sacrifice for going where he WANTED TO GO for a whole year.

[@lilil9752]

Lily gives good advice most of the time and is a very good partner, yet if she was real i don't think i would like to have her as a friend,leave alone a family member. She meddles with everyone´s private life and can't be trusted with a secret unless it´s hers .But as a character she is pretty fine

[@lavanyamittal2741]

she would be the worst friend irl

[@Esmeralda2diamon]

Lily was my favorite character in the series.

[@ericalevinson213]

I watched this show with my family growing up and I always saw Lily as an icon

[@heatherstephenson3559]

Interesting video, I'm so tired of people hating on Lily as she may have done some things that weren't great but Barney and Ted did lots of super questionable things and Marshall was sometimes nice but made plenty of mistakes and was a bit dismissive of her dreams of pursuing a career in the art world, which feels unfair as he got to be a lawyer and even a judge like he wanted and got to have career success but Lily wasn't often valued or respected and sacrificed more of her own professional goals and dreams than the others.

[@JSulikowska]

Robin doing bad thinks too

[@mariedit9935]

I agree on Lily being the least funny and and also most annoying one of the group but I still have a feeling the show punished her for wanting to succeed, it also happens to Robin for choosing career over love. That's whack because her feelings at the season 1 finale were 100% valid, what she did wrong was not contacting Marshall and the others while being on San Francisco

[@louis-stephane1391]

It wasn't just that. She not only left but called off the weeding and couldn't ensure Marshall that she would get back to him after the summer. So she basically left and failed and then sabotaged her ex so she could get him back.

[@kp782]

nobody said she was least funny or most annoying.. your words only

[@mikemorro140]

The problem was she planned to go despite having already scheduled her wedding for that time

[@clairekeane818]

Come on, Robin is the most annoying) And Lily is hilarious)

[@GirlDo3]

She also could have found an art program in NYC. She was wrong to come crawling back and sabotaging his date because her art sucks.

[@tamerafarly7666]

I would love if The Take analyzed the core 5 of One Tree Hill.

[@sircharlesmormont9300]

I've never seen this show. I just like to watch The Take! I find it interesting that Lily is implied to be bisexual, but that it isn't (apparently?) confirmed. I really wish there were more bisexual representations like this - of married and/or committed bisexual partners in long-term relationships - and I wish they were explicitly stated to be bi. The stereotypes about bi folks being indecisive cheaters are really pernicious but, for many, the experience is more like what The Take is describing with Lily: they continue to experience attraction after committing to a mate, but they don't act upon those attractions because bi people, like any other people, are totally capable of maintaining long-term romantic commitments (if they so choose). Now, because I've never seen the show, I don't know if Lily or Marshall ever cheated. If they did, though, it is still important to show that being treated as a symptom of issues within the relationship, as could happen in any relationship, and not as a natural consequence of one partner's bisexuality. I want bi representation that is... kind of boring, honestly. I want bi representation in which the story is not laser-focused on the character's bisexuality, but on other aspects of the character's life.

[@andreaf8404]

agree! i think if they made the show today lily could've easily been confirmed to be bisexual and that wouldn't have an effect on the show at all

[@AmarieRegin]

I just finished watching The Office a month ago, but I watched HIMYM in college (around 7 years ago). How is it only now that I'm seeing the parallels between Lily and Pam?

[@cherylhulting1301]

You're seeing them because they exist. Pam and Lily are two left of center women in loving relationships who still dream of making art. They both have to step away from their relationships for a while to explore the possibilities of it, and both end up giving it up to return to the men with whom they are involved. It doesn't come up much again at all for Pam and not for a long time again for Lily. Now making in the art world is very hard. But it's telling that neither show can envision a way for a woman to have both successfully in her life.

[@aliceeve6421]

I love Lily, not just because of how real she is with everything she's going through, she is also the unofficial leader of the group, the big sister, the mother, the voice of reason and also the scariest one. Also love how even though she reminds me of a Monica/Phoebe hybrid she also has a firey touch from Bernadette (TBBT) another one of my favorites

[@mariedit9935]

Marshall is the best partner. I only got mad when he said the "consolation prize" thing especially because Lily was thinking she was pregnant.

[@andrespardoespinoza5103]

I mean Marshall didn’t knew that at the moment so its good to see him compromise for lily’s dream when he find out. You can see that both of them are like this ideal partner.

[@GirlDo3]

He was 100% in the right in that fight.

[@jessedellross3245]

Marshall was absolutely right when he said that. She only came back to him cause SF didn’t work out. She had a lot of nerve to claim HE was the more selfish one

[@kahkah1986]

@@jessedellross3245 Lily sabotages SF though, like later when she sabotages their career plan with the debt. It isn't logical, it is emotional, but emotional flakiness like that happens when someone can't admit to their limits and the unhappiness comes out in other ways.

[@jessedellross3245]

@@kahkah1986 how does she sabotage SF? She’s literally told she sucks, gets upset, and comes crawling back to Marshall. If SF had worked out, she wouldn’t have come back. And the Italy/job with the captain was a complete joke. They did nothing with her character for years, then try to play it off like she is a victim. She was completely content with being the wife and mother to Marshalls kids…..till she wasn’t. And then has the nerve to say Marshall never supported her. Worst character

[@safaakhann]

can you guys please do a video on how all the female characters on how i met ur mother are caricatures of the “perfect female”, lily is the domestic goddess, robin is the cool girl and tracy is the quirky nerdy girl and how it’s just SO obvious they were all written by men

[@cherylhulting1301]

Yep. I would watch that video.

[@camillabenson04]

absolutely

[@louera]

I am a Lilly, I realize: I love all my friends, wish they were closer to me and wish we didn't have to compromise our dreams to be more practical adults😔 I also have many dreams, and I want to reach them all, but also I'd like to settle down as well.

[@Secrecy1988]

I love Lily, she was my favourite Character in HIMYM ❤️

[@bathedintulipetals]

lily is the best

[@camilatz4956]

You guys! You need to do a character analysis of someone in Seinfeld. PLEASE!

[@SPMinerva]

For me the main theme in HIMYM is our live never work out like our dream or plan. There are so many line in the show say something like “ But that’s not how life works”, either from the character arc side or the ending

[@josefk7437]

I thought the main theme was that Ted was narrating and you are challenged to imagine why Ted would narrate the other characters the way he did. Why did he narrate Barney to be the way he was? Why did he narrate Lily to be in a lot of debt? How would Ted have known? He also introduced a woman as Blah Blah. People's memories honestly do get fuzzy over time, but was this forgotten name reasonable? Audience, you decide.

[@eliadavis3881]

OK, I just saw myself in Lily. no wonder i love this show lol!

[@TheBeautifulDisaster]

Re-watching _You're The Worst_ now, which would make for great analysis by _The Take_ .

[@sharasahenley3059]

Now THAT’s one of my faves of all time.

[@marinav3306]

I would like to see a video about characters that have those "undesirable" professions. Even as a child I remember to feel bad for the character considered to be a looser because he was working as a bartender. I always wondered, what if a real life bartender is watching this? It's such a capitalist/American dream ideolody. I am a preschool teacher and I couldn't be happier! My work makes my life better!!

[@AirQuotes]

Lily is the best character on the show

[@cutiepiemania45]

Them playing up Lily being bi for laughs is annoying on rewatch. Lily is clearly bi, but then they try to walk it back by acting like her attraction to Robin fading because of kiss lacking in chemistry removes her bisexuality. Probably because they only wanted to play it as punchline.

[@miriyoussefxx]

I love this channel channel it keeps doing videos about my favourite TV show of all time

[@emilybarclay8831]

As someone who enjoys a lot of traditionally feminine activities and aesthetics, I love seeing traditionally feminine traits in women not being vilified as they often are in modern media

[@anthonyfelix2972]

I think Lily could have gotten more out of her professional life as an artist if she asked more support from Marshall. The times when she made great strives in her goals in art was when he gave her the support she needed. Like when he helped her sell painting to vet clinics or had her go to Italy and overcome her fear. She kept too much to her comfort zone alone. Also I always believed that Lily is the reacher and Marshall was the settler because like Barney told her he's an amazing guy that any woman will appreciate and never let go.

[@Deroliebe]

I could never be Lily. If a man makes me give up MY dream for his, we’re done. Why? Because he’s assuming and showing me that he thinks he’s more important. I’d rather die alone.

[@timonfischer6515]

Going to San Francisco to chase your dreams or canceling the marriage because you have serious second thoughts is absolutely understandable and in hindsight a very good choice. The problem is that she left Marshall alone and in pieces and didnt even call him in those 3 months, to check if he is alright. She didnt have any contact with her friends at all, and didnt care about Marshalls feelings. After that, she immediately wanted to get back together with Marshall, thinking he has zero self respect and then she was mad that he refused (brunch episode). The episode that made me realize though that Lily is a selfish, manipulative person is their "wedding" in Atlantic city: She knew Marshalls wedding dreams and knows that Marshall loves his family and friends over everything, but decided to dodge their previous wedding plans, so she wouldnt have to face Marshalls family and friends. The credit card story, where she wants her husband working in a job he despises because of her fuckup, but then after a few seasons changes her mind and wants him to work as an Environmental lawyer or the Italy story just shows what a grinch she really is. Marshall was definitely the settler and deserved wayyy better.

[@msmarsi009]

It was hard to empathize with her. Thereafter really wasn't a reason why she didn't pursue her dream to be an artist. She as a kindergarten teacher, had plenty of time to paint. She had summers off. Also they didn't have kids at first. I understand why Marshall thought it was a hobby.

[@RocKnight11]

Lily is great, but Linda Belcher is the greatest TV mom/wife of all time.

[@juanjoseleehorna4710]

LOVE IT- Now can you do a video about lily and Barney?

[@nicole2349]

The Lily and Mickey storyline is sweet.

[@tkay999]

Please do one or more about the characters of One Tree Hill 😭

[@JustRaine13]

After Life by Ricky Gervais in Netflix shows how it would actually be like after losing your soulmate to cancer.

[@김도근-s7m]

I am dying to be this woman.

[@aasrh8999]

i am such a lily

[@joeyg.6138]

Video on SMG and now Alyson Hannigan, back to back? I smell a Buffy video very soon…

[@debbieakadely1212]

Lily and marshall is the only tv couple I will ever root for

[@angelgray8899]

Leaving your fiancé to become a painter in San Francisco is a horrible thing to do. Although Lilly eventually became a good wife to Marchall, she is lucky he took her back 👀

[@mirithilrose54]

I don't know how it works in the U.S. but would it really be possible to be a kindergarten teacher when you've studied art history? In my country you need a special college education to do so. I know this show is fiction, but it shows that in reality women like Lily have even less options in the workforce.

[@josetato]

Perfect in the eyes of who exactly?

[@pavannn_13]

Lilly and Marshall is the best couple in the history of tv. No boday was and will ever be even close enough to them

[@AlyWonder152]

Can you do an episode on the idea of Ted being a reliable narrative and how that may come across in each of the characters

[@sakshidhawan1519]

Sometimes IMPLIED to be bisexual? Please!

[@passiveaggressive6175]

Just because Lily’s goals may not match ours, does not make her a lesser person.

[@lexa2310]

Sooo.... "women can't have it all" in that they can't be happily married and have a good job....but Marshal and Ted can get both the dream of a family and good job? Thanks, I hate it.

[@cherylhulting1301]

Yep. This show written by men displays the usual male tropes about women's professional and psychic lives. It was pretty disappointing. Most women live far more integrated lives than this opposition suggests.

[@crimsonblack9774]

Wow Ted called it Marshall dies at 68

[@NuttersIncorporated]

Lily’s job as a kindergarten teacher always really annoyed me. Lily seems to be the ONLY person working in that kindergarten and several times, Lily is shown leaving the children alone or with Marshall. I live in the UK so I don’t know what the rules are for a kindergarten teacher are in the US but she shouldn’t be leaving those children alone or with untrained people. Lily is shown doing things like throwing colouring books at the kids, telling them to colour and then running off, leaving them alone so that she can do other stuff. Did Marshall have first aid training? What happens if a child gets hurt when Marshall or nobody is keeping an eye of them? What about contacting parents in an emergency? What happens if a child eats something they are allergic to because nobody is there to stop them or because Marshall doesn’t know what they’re allergic to? I like to think she didn’t really do those things and it’s just Ted making things up when he’s talking about events he didn’t actually witness. If she did do those things, Lily is a terrible person and she shouldn’t be allowed to look after children.

[@fernandabluntkrasinski9026]

Lily is the MOTHER of the entire show

[@sv4773]

Lilly is for sure canonically bi.

[@SaltiBebe]

Love the show, but if HIMYM wasn't a comedy, Ted would be Joe Goldberg.