So You Want To Be INDIANA JONES

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So You Want To Be INDIANA JONES

[@robertmorris9219]

"His gun skills are... fine. His sword skills are... guns." Hahahah

[@wenna8394]

That made me laugh so hard too!

[@MrSpirals]

I'm still laughing at that part.

[@mchammer9212]

I spit out my cereal when I heard that line. Too damn funny

[@apex2000]

yeah that delievery in the video slayed me. the timing was perfect.

[@ethanpatel2399]

I want to be able to survive a nuclear explosion in a fridge

[@jasonblalock4429]

Fridge jokes aside, he really should have said *something* about Indy's capacity to absorb damage, or at least his abnormally-high pain threshold. Sure, he's no Batman, but - for example - he spent the entire last act of Raiders with a bullet hole through his forearm... including swimming across open sea (hello sepsis) to the nazi sub and then hanging onto it for a couple days while it went to the hidden base. He's lucky he didn't lose the arm! I mean, I kinda like that Indy is a vulnerable hero who can be hurt, but in some ways, that makes it *worse* to become Indy. At least with Batman you can pretend the armor magically absorbs the damage or something. Indy's constantly getting shot, whipped, beaten by strongmen, dragged across (or against) rocky terrain, etc etc. Owie owie owie owie owie!

[@niklashansen5432]

Yep. And also hate snakes.

[@Psiberzerker]

Well, just chalk that up to Fridge Logic. (TVTropes will ruin your life.)

[@arcadeassassin7176]

you can't

[@tonygoodwinjr9293]

We used to eat our food lined with lead..

[@bishop6881]

Can I just be Harrison Ford instead?

[@cracked]

Are you scared of crashing planes?

[@rogerbaker9353]

Harrison Ford just has bad luck with aircraft. Like 13 black cats marching in single file across the tarmac bad luck. Not his fault.

[@aleksandrazaryanova1677]

To quote the Last Crusade: "Fly yes, land no!"

[@tombrearley-smith5777]

Cracked Next time he crashes his plane, he's gonna be like... "Another happy landing."

[@fite-4-ever876]

just get higher than the planes you nearly crash

[@irishpolyglot]

Wow. I was floored to see myself featured so prominently in this video, considering how I'm subscribed and just caught it in my stream casually. I'm smiling from ear to ear. Thanks so much guys! 😃 Incidentally, I can actually give Indie wannabes some encouragement! I'll disagree slightly with Alex (sorry man, love ya!) in that Indie is not actually fluent in all those languages. The clip of him flicking between the languages as Young Indiana Jones involves some with an accent that only an absolute beginner could have (in Italian he says "il italiano" instead of "l'italiano" and he gets the stress wrong on the basic word 'difficile'), some that are just one word etc. In the movies, his Mandarin is so bad that I think the most unrealistic part of the entire movie is that they actually understand what he says (both in the opening scene & when he's shouting for the kid to grab the bridge), and that says a lot for an Indiana Jones movie. When I started speaking Mandarin and got my tones wrong as badly as he does, no matter how much context would help them, natives would still not have a clue what I was saying. So, Alex is absolutely right that my 3-month intensive learning suggestion to reach fluency (i.e. B2 on the European Common Framework scale, or a level where you can comfortably interact with people in social situations) only works full-time, and it would be a stupid amount of time to reach that level in 20 languages. BUT to reach Indie standards, where you just need to have a very brief exchange of a sentence or two with someone (and you are definitely not fluent) you don't actually need that much time. Reading the languages could take time, but again, he could have beginner reading levels and still get the gist of some things, even if another script is used. This means that you don't actually need 3 months per language to be like Indiana Jones. As an example, one of the languages mentioned is Peruvian Quechua, and I dabbled in that myself too. Enough to just about ask a basic question and have a super vague idea about the answer, which may be enough to get directions. You can literally see me show this on my channel. But I did that very non-intensively (an hour a day max) and over just a few weeks. A week ago, I literally just uploaded a video where I scream "Wake up" at the viewer in 16 languages, and I don't actually speak several of them. The only thing I learned in that language was that phrase, and it took just a few minutes to try to get my pronunciation "close enough" to be understandable, which Indie could do if he had access to a helpful native speaker. This makes a number like 20 way more realistic. 😉 So rejoice Indie wannabes! Otherwise... I fail miserably at all the other criteria. Damn. OK, so you win this round Alex...

[@MsSphinx91]

I was thinking along the same lines. A few of my friends grew up traveling the world, and, while they can speak some survival phrases in many languages, they are only fluent in a couple (still impressive). I can see Indy being fluent in the classic languages (Greek, Latin, Hebrew, and Arabic) if his dad forced him to learn. Then throw in a couple of modern languages that he knows really well and add survival phrases for the others. I think it's completely doable if you're a career academic who gets paid to study and travels a lot.

[@niklashansen5432]

Whoa! Thanks for the insight!

[@josephteller9715]

Polyglot isn't so hard if you grow up in certain cultures. Many folks in Switzerland speak German, French, Italian, English fluently from what I've been told by friends that have traveled there (and some also speak Romansh, which is the main language of a single Canton). Americans are considered terribly bad at being Polyglots compared to the rest of the world.

[@artistsanomalous7369]

I recall that in a later episode Indy specifically says he speaks twenty-seven languages. He probably spoke even more by the time the films are set.

[@rw2266]

Not true about mandarin. Context often helps with incorrect tones. Have you lived in China before?

[@themarquess]

Pro tip: don't make Indiana Jones jokes to actual archaeologists. They've all heard it. A million times. They'll give you the death stare. I learned the hard way. Several times.

[@bloodgain]

This sounds like *the best reason* to make Indiana Jones jokes to actual archaeologists.

[@camcordernonsense5264]

I worked on a dig site. It's weird just bringing up the movies and the serious spray that suddenly comes over the lunch crowd. Indiana Jones isn't real!

[@JohnFourtyTwo]

@Starscream91Josh Gates on Expedition Unknown is always comparing himself to Indy. Personally I'm more of a Daniel Jackson fan even though his character has mentioned Indiana Jones and bullwhips in an episode but I was a Indy fan long before any other. Cracked also forgot to mention Frank Buck who George Lucas admitted watching as a kid and was inspirational towards Indy. There were a couple TV shows in the early '80s "Tales of the Gold Monkey" and "Bring'em Back Alive" that were inspired by Raiders.

[@jordanhughes1474]

@@JohnFourtyTwo I love that show lol

[@Slam_24]

Lol I’m an archaeologist and I absolutely love Indiana jokes. He was my literal inspiration

[@CountArtha]

You didn't even mention: Join the Marine Corps as a teenager; Learn to ride an unbroken horse; Stay in 10K shape while drinking hard enough to kill most people.

[@warezoneclips1492]

He joined marines?

[@gajacome1]

Warezone clips 1 he joined the Belgium army at 16 during WWI

[@residentmusician]

@@warezoneclips1492 after fighting with Pancho Villa!

[@JediJared-bs1wt]

Also have your first kiss with a princess at age nine and date a different girl every few weeks or so

[@JediJared-bs1wt]

I had to look up what unbroken horse means

[@TheBehemothGod]

Cracked is on an upward slope with their quality lately, keep it up team.

[@cracked]

Thanks!

[@snugglyface7834]

yeah pep's

[@TheRhinehart86]

TheBehemothGod Oh look, a snow flake whinging about SJWs on a Cracked video. You're so edgy I bet Che Guevara wears t-shirts of you.

[@laurenpierre-louis8320]

TheRhinehart86 please, talk about revelant topics

[@willpugh8865]

#shotsfired

[@Burningnewt]

he forgot to mention that you absolutely have to live in the late 30s early 40s, because that is the only time in history when the global political climate was such that any of that was possible

[@brentgauspohl9779]

Cody is consistently one of the best presenters Cracked has.

[@frozenaorta]

This is Alex, though... Am I missing the joke?

[@JosiahGore]

But Alex died at the age of 13, like, 17 times?

[@turtlezinthesky]

Brent Gauspohl ain't got nothin on Schmitty the Clam

[@angryreader8857]

They better let engineer Brett do a video

[@markchapman6800]

Josiah Gore I'm always disappointed when Alex doesn't die again :) Also, Alex is great, Cody is unbearable IMNSHO

[@vathek5958]

To be fair, I imagine Indie manages to out publish and out knowledge his competitors because of all his crazy adventures, rather than in spite of.

[@MsSphinx91]

"field research"

[@poducha]

Can you do "So You Want To Be Sherlock Holmes"?

[@cillianbrouder]

I experienced miracle trauma just by a magician revealing the card I chose. I'm still recovering

[@machodeth4822]

so you want to be...John Wick?....Hannibal Lecture?....Fox Mulder?

[@pelham4au]

Macho Deth wait who wants to be Hannibal lecture

[@johnmccarron7066]

Hi my name is Bond James Bond A friend of a relative of an acquaintance of mine.

[@sartanko]

Let me lecture you on Hannibal Lecter.

[@CrimsonMenace1]

John Wick Please

[@chadaustin1226]

So you want to be actual cannibal Shia Lebeouf.

[@daleksec666]

I feel like Indy's adventures can be considered field work... his research papers are basically 'I found this thing and nobody else did'

[@ReelSchool]

The language thing seems super attainable, especially if the guy is a PhD. The math on that is not all that daunting. 20 languages is 60 months... That's only 5 years. In The Last Crusade we see a 13 year old Indy who can already count in multiple languages, it's extremely believable that a man who travels extensively, immersing himself in the culture and language could easily pick up that many. Then you throw in bullwhip lessons... Ya. This is doable.

[@irishpolyglot]

See my comment an hour before yours about the languages being *even more possible* than your math would imply. I'm the guy Alex refers to in point 3, so I know my shit 😂

[@ReelSchool]

Haha! Awesome dude! (Sorry, I don't go through every single comment) Now I'm curious as to how you say "I know my shit" in a dozen different languages! And... go!

[@someoneorother3638]

You'd also have to constantly keep practicing all of those languages or else you won't know them anymore. Once you know a language, it's not in there forever. If you don't use it after a while, you loose your fluency.

[@SauceStache]

I have always wanted to be Indiana Jones!!! #1 - Merp #2 - Oh come on! #3 - 2 Languages here!! oh ugh i need a lot more! #4 - I can whip it good!.. well shit, not that good! :/ this is so disappointing #5 - hmm ok i can probably do it.. YAY i can be Indian JONES!!!! Thanks Cracked!!!

[@gwouru]

five years of dedicated effort.

[@deadherron]

this is like a realistic version of epic how to.

[@cracked]

Here is our "So You Want To Be" Playlist! Enjoy- kzbin.info/aero/PL_saLI-LH-VpMI4izI4Ad0oxiyvKDIZYe

[@BeriaLima]

Oh please make more :D :D I love this series

[@sethewing2576]

Hi guys, I love all you do maybe more live podcast pls

[@garfieldthecat516]

Im learning a lot and trying every day to get closer to Indiana Jones skills. Wish me guys luck!

[@dankbullet7891]

b-but I want to be a giant space wizard who uses space magic to choke people when he pinches his fingers.I also want to wear black leather and have remote controlled flying fists. And a black cape.Cape would be pretty wizard

[@biohazard724]

Dank Bullet Find an actively erupting volcano. Get good and close to that bastard. No, closer. *I said closer!* See how the very air hurts your everything? Surviving that is like step 4.

[@bd4246]

so you want to be James Bond. That would be a good one.

[@aleksandrazaryanova1677]

And possibly replacements or body doubles.

[@ericsbuds]

I'm always being Indiana Jones. Whenever I see a door or a gate about to close, I run through and then at the last second reach back through and grab my hat!

[@superlolmusic1]

My great grandpa grew up in eastern Europe on the border of three different companies.. by the time he was 30 he knew 13 separate languages, fought in WW2, moved to Australia by 35 and started work as a translator. By the time he was 45 wrote three books, but only in Russian because fuck accessibility. He got pretty close I'd say. Minus the archaeology shit.

[@denhanced5278]

So you want to be Goku...hell, even just Krillin.

[@alfa0i0omega]

Yamcha lel?

[@danmenard6917]

No one wants to be Yamcha. Krillin is the best we can hope for as humans.

[@Wizeguy8357]

I feel like Yajirobe's doable, no? Just, like, be fat and hang around people much stronger than you and crack wise? I'm like 2/3rds of the way there already.

[@cadden9938]

According to the Indiana Jones Wiki, Indy knows 27 languages. If it takes 3 months to learn a language, then Indy spent 6 years and 9 months just learning languages.

[@grocktoczar8907]

My KZbin career counselor is better than the one I had when I was in high school.

[@Tracks777]

Excellent video. Keep it up!

[@jfoeodkapfk]

I can't be Indiana Jones. I could never have a shortround. Asians don't like Negan.

[@alexstaats5514]

LMAO that was good

[@silaslancashire2879]

Who does your research and how do I get involved in making THAT my job?!!?!

[@maresgoez]

A great job indeed.

[@ChilianaJones]

The real life adventurer Sir Richard Francis Burton(1821-1890) spoke around 29 languages, fluently. Probably also one of the inspirations to Indiana Jones.

[@chriseash6497]

A note on Indy only being a Professor "part time," In order to get funding for their research professors spend most of their time searching for funding. Indy uses that time to find lost relics and sell them to fund his efforts.

[@joepearson279]

“His sword skills are guns” 👏

[@amandalambkin4777]

Alex is my favourite Cracked presenter. I always get excited when I click on a video and see him.

[@kap79]

This guy is definitely my new favorite KZbin personality in general. Enjoying the content lately Cracked - keep up the good work.

[@izzy1221]

When I saw the title the first thing i thought was 'da da da da, da da da.' That theme is amazing.

[@redoneteron5933]

"Thank you for learning" if only my teachers had said this.

[@olaoluwapowilliams5169]

Do So You Want To Be Captain America!🇺🇸

[@andrewreegs6319]

The head trauma Cap absorbs is ridiculous. He should have like 4 brain cells left by now.

[@Reubentheimitator6572]

Cap has a healing factor, so he could deal with much head trauma.

[@snatchngrab8262]

Yes. oh wait... There's more than just the question? There's a pitch? Well... I'm sold.

[@biinpublications2017]

Well, those films influenced me when I was a child and led me down the crazy path that I have taken...my area of expertise are the pre-Columbian Civilizations of the Americas and I could care less about anywhere else in the world in general...from México to South America lies my passion and it is a passion that has almost killed me multiple times...even though being like Indiana in realistically unattainable I am grateful that those films inspired me as a child to take the path wherein lies my passion...

[@biinpublications2017]

Especially the quote "if you want to be a good anthropologist...then get out of the classroom..." that quote I took to heart...

[@7Z7A7C7K7]

Firstly, this is entertaining and hilarious. But I think it's much easier than you're making it. 1# Not easy, but far from impossible. 2# He really isn't smarter than other professors, colleges really just wanted him because he was famous and he could steal artifacts for them. 3# Benny Lewis (the guy you mentioned in the video) gave a great explanation down below, so read that. 4# Indiana really doesn't show much expertise with a whip, he just mostly swings on it and occasionally whips people's necks. But it wouldn't take long to be as good as indy. 5# This one is just silly. Just because a few people can't handle Jerusalem doesn't mean I can't handle a miracle. Indy has seen enough crazy miracles that they just dont really phase him, and being a skeptic myself, I think I could handle it. The real challenge of being Indiana Jones is his loose interpretation of morality. Killing people and stealing artifacts from countries is only okay when he does it, it would seem.

[@nikolaygangvik8574]

Zachary Why do you not have 7282921047382 likes wtf

[@indianathe3rd742]

KZbin recommendation:So you wanna be Indiana Jones Me: I'm already Indiana the 3rd

[@ethansloan]

Yay! Finally, someone references Young Indiana Jones. I seem to be the only one who remembers that show.

[@jrvaughn9038]

I love the "So You Want To Be" series. Can you guys put one out more than once a month? Cracked is one of my favorite channels on KZbin & so u want to be is just hilarious. Keep 'um coming. How about, "So You Want To Be, Alex Schmitt"?

[@Aquaquake]

Subscribed just for Rogers but this stuff is pretty good too... +1 for continuing this series

[@LithiumThiefMusic]

Yo, this series is giving me such high hopes, please keep this one going! I love it!

[@mattgewickey7286]

"It's one of the movies, man, it's the way it is." :)

[@dmagik8]

I like how good Alex Schmidt is.

[@DanielRieger]

I hope they are making the new Indiana Jones to say the last one was a dream or simply never happened

[@kanyewest2731]

Ever since second grade, this is has been one of my answers to "What do you want to be when you grow up?" exercises. Right next to "Bank Robber" and "Secret Agent."

[@jimsmith9853]

"Good news , you slobs !" Ha! I spit my coffee out.

[@TheRaiden316]

I'm watching the films under the impression that indie is a tenured professor, freeing him from the "publish or perish" system. Being tenured also might mean that he is at the top of his field.

[@tuggspeedman822]

Yes! ”Publish or perish” is BS

[@ReelSchool]

I said it after the first "So you want to be" vid... This is a great series, and you finally found a great segment where Alex shines.

[@fuglyandsmexybitch]

This is really good, and so is the helmet history. More please. :)

[@omnimetabell]

'' his sword skills are guns.'' Genius!

[@nekocassowary9915]

This is probably my favorite series on this channel.

[@anthonyaugustine7515]

More Alex. An Alex per video. Alex all day.

[@AlichinoAi]

Bring this series back, PLEASE !!!!!

[@ScartheCat]

"what it takes to be a keyblade master" would be perfect for this show.

[@raidenstark315]

I'm ready for indiana jones 5

[@supersizesenpai]

I truly enjoy these "So you want to be" videos.

[@EarlNimbud]

hey Alex, this is a great idea and it was well executed. I'm a big fan of this and would LOVE to see a zillion more of these

[@cracked]

Here you go! kzbin.info/aero/PL_saLI-LH-VpMI4izI4Ad0oxiyvKDIZYe

[@oberstul1941]

I knew I could do it!

[@wallywest2517]

Moar Alex plox his Walt Disney is hilarious

[@JackQSmith]

I think the biggest miracle of he Indiana Jones universe was when he survived a nuclear blast inside a fridge without any kind of disabling injuries.

[@fightthepowerman]

Yay finally more New Guy weekly.

[@nicholassocialmedia4754]

Henry Sr. has been teaching Indy languages since Indy was a toddler.

[@init-rc7gc]

It wasnt the aliens that upset me it was the fridge the fridge man

[@STB-jh7od]

Even Indy hit himself with a bull-whip.

[@bigdoodsRoCk1242]

How has this not been a thing?

[@Zerinity42]

Why hasn’t this had more? It was awesome and I love Alex....come on ....more of this. Please...

[@JellicleCat09]

My new favourite series. Keep em coming!

[@anthonyboyd3795]

You should defiantly make more of these Cracked. Nice Job!

[@orchid_hearts]

"Heck yeah... violence..." XD

[@9_in_the_afternoon]

I'm getting a degree in archaeology, and currently studying 2(ish) languages. Let's do this.

[@nick3790]

I mean 12-15 years of college, 5 years of consistent advanced language learning, and mixed martial arts, sword fighting, and whip training... I’m 22, I figure I can pop that all out by the time I’m in my early forties. Indy better watch out.

[@houseofaction]

there are people who can learn languages really fast like really fast. saw this youtube video where these guys were talking about how they enjoy learning new languages. they both learn a new language in a week or 2 at most

[@spinedogfog581]

I used to buy cracked magazine back in the 80s, good to see you these days

[@88wheresmikey]

I was under the impression the general understanding is that Shia Labeouf isn't sick. He just likes to do weird art projects with his weird art friends and probably isn't a cannibal.

[@knockedloose2796]

'his sword skills are,....guns'.

[@jwurnig]

Holy crap, I thought Alex was dead! I haven't seen him in years!

[@AM-tw9qq]

Percy Fawcett looks like he was the inspiration for Vinny Santorini in Atlantis: the Lost Empire

[@Her_Viscera]

alex isn't dying at the end of his videos and it is unacceptable

[@fayrayprincess7677]

This new series seems fun, but I want more Helmet History.

[@dragonlordd7894]

you guys make college humor look like todlers playing with coloring books.

[@nicholasmessina6406]

Jon Jones was in the military, formally trained with firearms, and boxed in college

[@TennEaglesNest]

One of the people Indy was based off of is a guy named Vendyl Jones, surprised you didn't get that one. Especially Raiders of the Lost Ark.

[@cheesemonger2668]

I'm digging this series dude I'm liking your content

[@user-ho4nw5sf3w]

I am cracked. This so good. Though I love the movie and the character, this was so much fun. You know there is a whole list of candidates you could do this to. Get Cracken

[@rosered6542]

20 language's×3months each=60 months/12months = 5 years of intense language work

[@eleanorjacobo9818]

"the good boy of graverobbing" litterally what I wrote my personal statement for college apps on

[@jasonburris9576]

as an archaeologist, i approve

[@JerrDias67]

I cracked, hahaha!

[@azarystell7544]

So you want to be Goku or so you want to be Spider-Man! Please do one of the two. Also love the series, keep it up!

[@celticwolff5429]

Anthony De Longis is a living legend.

[@ericsbuds]

I definitely need to learn to crack a whip!

[@fairyonice9504]

His sword skills are..... guns..... Nice.

[@karmigero]

I thought the UN had declared the crystal skull a crime against makind and we could all forget it ever existed

[@TheFeralBachelor]

This was fun. I would like to see more.

[@cracked]

kzbin.info/aero/PL_saLI-LH-VpMI4izI4Ad0oxiyvKDIZYe

[@ryukendevereaux512]

Glad to see you again Alex , where you been dude?

[@gippywhite]

YES!!! A great video!!! Finally! #shared 👍🏻👍🏻💙💙💙