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"This song was hard to write because there was so much imagery that I wanted to include from different parts of my life. I wanted there to be a huge contrast from being young and happy, and then completely losing that, and struggling with that loss. There’s parts in the song about struggling with depression and self-harm, which is so different from the way I had been when I was a kid. It’s like seeing this weird reflection of myself and not understanding what went wrong."
Pitchfork: bit.ly/3eU4Mej
animation by Bella Clark & Haven Butler
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Lyrics:
Remembering running through my yard like a wild stream
Just a little kid - blood flowing into my rosy cheeks
Now a river runs red from my knuckles into the sink
And there’s a pale girl staring through the mirror at me
Maybe it’s just a dream
Wish I could go back to sleep
Hydrangeas blooming of the branches of park trees
It’s a half-hearted calm - the way I’ve felt since I was thirteen
‘cause I may not feel it now, covered up the wounds with my long sleeves
but I know it’s waiting there swimming through my bloodstream
and it’s gonna come for me
yeah it’s gonna come for me
what did you have that I didn’t? and why am I so blue?
someone’s talking in my forehead that says I’ll never be like you
happiness is like a firefly on summer evenings
feel it slipping through my fingers but I can’t catch it in my hands
catch it in my
old memories - ribbons running down from my bare knees
I ran too fast, fell down on my face in the concrete
I guess the lesson’s learned, I’ve barely left my room in the past week
And I’ve got my guard up trying all the time to stay clean
But I don’t feel anything
I don’t feel anything
What did you have that I didn’t? and why am I so fucked?
There’s someone talking in my forehead that says I’ll never be enough
and happiness is like a firefly on summer evenings
feel it slipping through my fingers but I can’t catch it in my hands
catch it in my
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