Social Awkwardness as a Trauma Response After Narcissistic Abuse

[@narcabusecoach]

Betrayal Trauma After Narcissistic Abuse: www.emotionalabuserecovery.com/livevent

[@tammyhollis1519]

@@narcabusecoach Thank you:)

[@ChristinaFalgout-ek2jm]

It’s such a long road to recovery,but it truly amazes me the amount of times that you have that aha moment and more clarity . Personally it’s a boost to recovery. Said so many going through this but to not be alone (and crazy) is a major uplift. I wish we could get to those who have no idea what they’re dealing with. I found out after I ended the relationship and Luckily for me at the right time. I was truly contemplating suicide and was living in the twilight zone. Then suddenly I just happened across some random video and within seconds started hearing (my story) the same words and feelings and lots of the same situations… was so sad but uplifting and brought me back from the edge..

[@jessicawerling9495]

"Attention was always DANGER to me." That hit me. I was (and sometimes now) terrified to be seen. Thank you for helping me with my words ❤

[@Sparrow0514]

Yes, me too.

[@carparthero]

narcissists will def cause you to feel very anxious in public. you will be constantly doubting yourself and thinking there is something wrong with you. being already an introvert who doesn't like small talk + having a narcissistic parent is really disastrous for many folks. while i am not afraid to stand up for myself when needed, i find when i am around people i don't like or feel comfortable with, i only talk if absolutely necessary. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁

[@Cerebralseid]

Same here.

[@dorkasaurus_rex]

I relate to this very hard

[@abum3thedon]

Made me crying 💔 they break you to pieces. You goes through hell All those years

[@Me_di]

Same

[@r_ns7150]

I pray that God will bring justice for victims of these possessed narcisissits.

[@arabianprincess888]

Amen 🙏

[@kerrytaggart8206]

Have been praying for that…constantly, but then I do not want to cause chaos. Fearful of doing the wrong thing and always trying to protect my position.

[@Sophie-ur2qb]

I was always described as shy. It's only when I met other "shy" people that I realised we were just afraid. The abuse I witnessed as a child, especially with my cousins. Still haunts me. They were all extremely scared and got in trouble for things no one else perceived. They hardly spoke 😢 the mother would beat them and none of the other adults would do anything 💔 I regret that I didn't help them.

[@darlenemc3586]

Thank you. You are so accurate. I am always on guard to not let my trauma overlap into my personal life with others. Life is so difficult with all the shame. I am just now on the path towards healing.

[@NoliesonLysatya]

For years I lived with fear of saying or doing the wrong thing and being judged by others. Loss of self esteem, self confidence and inability to express myself. Interaction was a nightmare. I speak 5 languages, yet I could not communicate. Healing from narcissistic abuse restored my extroverted authentic self. No more inhibitions now😊

[@queenchiomaofficial]

Wow such a good point. The socially awkward feeling and experience is a big trauma response indeed.

[@sineriafrankenstein7316]

I dont ever start a conversation.

[@Madison0193]

me neither but that's because I'm introverted and I've learned it's best to keep (and how to keep) my distance from some people and apparently according to my stepdad that makes me "incompetent"

[@sineriafrankenstein7316]

@@Madison0193 I'm introverted too. And I like being home, I like being alone with the exception of animals and I crave peace. Like you I've learned to keep my distance from people. I'm definitely not incompetent. Maybe your step father doesn't know what that means. ❤️

[@Madison0193]

@@sineriafrankenstein7316 I see and I'm pretty sure he understands what the word means, I've just slowly been learning not to take things like that to heart anymore

[@tanmay_6363]

😥😣🐇

[@mimap275]

So true my mum said i talk too much cos im passionate , then i started being self aware holding back my feelings emotions, felt so imprisoned lonely inside 😮😢

[@yeswanthyeshu6392]

Yes don't talk too much

[@yeswanthyeshu6392]

We don't care about your emotions so hold it

[@dv52528]

Me 10000% . As a child I wouldn't speak at home or in school, I was in a constant state of fear, I was beaten up very often and humiliated and laughed at publicly by mother whenever she could. My siblings do the same until I started to distance myself. I still have social anxiety.

[@mandalovescatspandas1781]

I still dont like too much attention. It makes me really uncomfortable *sigh* :)

[@01splitpea]

I've experienced social awkwardness as well, and know it is extremely painful. Those students who laughed at you were very cruel. That would've been the time a student or two should've / could've asked what topic you'd planned to speak about, then asked you questions along those lines in order to break the ice. Your experience would've been so different, and decidedly for the better. We all have choices to hurt or heal. Regrettably, I'm seeing an upward trend toward hurting. As always, you've created an exceptionally informative and well done video, Danish Bashir! I've shared to my social media. I wish you every happiness.

[@iddybiddyladybugleeza262]

This is so me! I make no sense sometimes especially if I’m talking over our work radios & in groups or around a lot of people

[@user-fz5my8zj6z]

I am this. That is why it is horrifically painful to find myself “alone” again. People who love me I have and I can’t feel them anymore. I believe I am hateable and I hole up, again. Thank you Danish. Courage to stay mySelf and practice being with others as this takes great courage again. I went into my mind and isolation again and very painful and removed me again.

[@libralove8761]

Wow. You know this topic extremely well. My issue is I am a paralegal and the legal field is predominantly white and law firms are very clicky. You have to fit in so I usually don’t feel comfortable being myself, an educated, strong Black woman.

[@cindys.9688]

🙋🏼‍♀️This is me!🙋🏼‍♀️ You explained me perfectly. I've always thought those very same things. I, too, am an introvert and also like to involve myself in group settings. I like to meet people. Yet, I can be crippled by fear as well when I'm addressed. It's horrible. I've always wondered what's wrong with me. Now I know it's a trauma response. I appreciate you, Danish, in more ways I can say. Thank you!❤️

[@user-vj4sb4hx6q]

I’m so very thankful that you got past the trauma response and now help others. ❤ it dawned on me while watching this, that I had a teacher in the 4th grade who made me feel all the ways you talk about. She gave me hell about my long red hair and said it was in my face and she didn’t like it and she complained about it and everything else. I was taller than everyone else and the only red haired freckled face girl in my grade so I was very self conscious. We had just moved to a small town from the city, and I definitely wasn’t in the clique! I just felt everything about me was wrong. I never thought about it before, but I think that may be where much of my social awkwardness comes from. My younger brother had the same teacher and he would get stomach aches every day from her. She terrorized decades of children!

[@SpikeLover1863]

How awful! Nasty people like that shouldn't be allowed to teach children!

[@user-vj4sb4hx6q]

@@SpikeLover1863 i agree

[@Prabhunathchari]

A narcissist can destroy your happiness, Passion Self interest basic rules of life We starts to care them for apologise whether we harmed their feelings even though we are not, they creats hopes that they can change but won't change at all, they tortures your inner self of acceptance, they live in fantasy, they lies much, they self bands, they intentionally hurt others to gain self respect.

[@saraheschweiler4939]

Hello, Danish Bashir, Your thoughtful commentary & insights are much appreciated. Thank you bunches for sharing! 🙏🌿💐🌿🙂🌿💐🌿🙏 P.S. I think I saw a beautiful cat peacefully curled up, sleeping on a table in the background? Cats are very loving & helpful healers! 🙂❤️🧡💛😊💚🥰💙🩵💜😉

[@Chopsyochops]

I had my hairdresser refuse to see me the other day because I’m apparently ‘hard work’ and I had ‘upset her’. But she wouldn’t explain to me exactly what I had done or not done. Instead she let someone else pass on the message. I was heartbroken. Not because I lost my hairdresser but because it triggered my old trauma of being rejected and gaslit by my mother. The only thing I did different on my last visit to my hairdressers was to be myself. For the first time I wasn’t shy about asking for what style I wanted. Usually I just accepted what she gave me for for peace sake. I didn’t appreciate being thrown back into the ‘you’re defective but I won’t tell you why’ box. I’m still reeling and hurting. I will find a new hairdresser. Perhaps it’s for the best. I clearly haven’t been conforming to the role I have been assigned any more. Too many people have dropped me for refusing to be put in a ‘you’re defective’ box. It hurts!!

[@user-df3eo9qx9p]

I'm sorry for the pain you are experiencing. Embrace You on your healing journey b/c It's about you now. If they are judging you or not appreciating the business you provide, it's their loss (literally). Good stylists want to work with their clients, to get to know them and help the client to look and feel beautiful, so they need your input. They are also good listeners. You are already beautiful, so keep moving forward and let your light shine. ♥

[@irenahabe2855]

Yes, it's for the best. 🍀🍀🙂🙂

[@Love2all-tz3fh]

Your hairdresser is also a narc. Period.

[@henmaidstale]

I have ADHD, and youngest in a big family. Born an accident, abandoned by narc father, married someone just like him who also abandoned me and told me nobody likes me. So now I've accepted that and spend all my time with animals. there's nothing worse when the person you're supposed to spend your whole life with betrays you and blames you. I think it's worse than death.

[@friednoodles666]

i enjoyed the skit at the beginning, i felt like i could see myself in it all on a whole other level. your videos help me so much, you are awesome.

[@Risingaboveashes]

Wow this is so timely. I've been being led intuitively to heal the childhood wounding of being treated as a burden. Hearing your experiences with this topic is encouraging. ❤

[@RavenMoon1989z]

I felt this to my core. Grew up with a narcissistic stepmom and I also have ADHD.

[@jeannesmith3200]

When I was young, I had no identity; I couldn't even identify as a girl. I was no one

[@fionakarbel258]

💡 this explains a lot for me

[@SkepticCrankMan]

I remember more than a year after leaving my narc I suddenly realized I couldn't be close with friends because I truly felt they only pretended to like me. Because, of course, my narc only pretended to like me. I still struggle (it's been 5 years) with maintaining friendships. Still get that self-shaming "I don't want to bother them with my trivial problems."

[@jolenenordal7460]

Thank you for your content, it is helping with the hoovers. Your explanation on sexual abuse is helpful and healing ❤

[@JoCed-jc5id]

This video caused me to remember the trauma I experienced as a little girl from both parents. How I acted around people and shying away all the time-I was never myself… horrible memories😢😢😢😢😢😢 It makes sense to me why I prefer to stay in the background and not be seen.

[@alastairjamesmainland2497]

This was very helpful Danish in identifying my feelings when I left but also some deep rooted feelings that still affect me today mercifully only occasionally.

[@CynthiaLouwho]

very helpful. I'm going through it

[@tinaleigh3273]

I went through this for many years. The pandemic didnt help. Thank GOD for the narc therapist on YT. They helped tremendously with understanding and healing.

[@nicolast.catherine7947]

You have a lot of courage. Thanks for sharing. This has been really helpful.

[@briandrake6881]

Narc abuse CAUSES SHYNESS. This is lost on a lot of people.

[@seekerofgrace2058]

For sure! Even years after escape , still awkward & overly conscious of social awkwardness , used to just speak as I felt , open spontaneous less anxious- now post narc abuse, feel so anxious!!! Spot on! Need a class to unravel that garbage

[@i.a.m.7344]

You are spot on!

[@nafissadik2754]

My problem is no people likes me after I talk. Maybe because I have an awkward body language and wird facial expression. And, a voice which is not good. What could be the solution for me???

[@user-sj4hn7jo9d]

I'm sure that you are being very strict with youself. And I'm sure that you are totally the opposite of what you fear people see. You sound like a very sweet , caring person !

[@nafissadik2754]

@@user-sj4hn7jo9d Thank you for your kind words dear. It means a lot! Actually, there is something wrong, I am a 22 year old male. I have been abused my whole life by 2 narcs resulting in such a weird body language and facial expression. Now I need to learn how I can undo this nervous system problem. One thing I must tell you I am very much attractive that I get messages from girls often. But I suffer from this and don't go out much because of this issue. It turns to anxiety sometimes. Seeing people laugh at me covertly when I start talking.

[@abum3thedon]

How to heal from that crazy wound!!!! "😳💔🤯

[@joseenoel8093]

No kidding, we've heaps of "Too much information" and "Where's the exit sign"

[@Magdalene777]

I've wondered about this. I could have low confidence because of abuse. Also I sometimes wonder if I could have mild autism and that's why I overlooked the warning signs of abusers.

[@Sparrow0514]

Wow so helpful to start to understand. I get soooo nervous and frozen when I have to present at work.

[@olomoucbrighton]

I left my home as soon as I finished high school because my mother would always put me down and I just felt hated. I’ve been away for almost twenty years and moved on the other side of the world but when I go to visit her (she guilts me into staying at her place), she tells ne I am unbearable and no one can stand me. The whole situation is so sad.. I also keep choosing narcissistic partners all my life.

[@tammyhollis1519]

Have you talked about the narcissist's social awkwardness? They are very strange.

[@cindys.9688]

YES! My sister is a narcissist. Everything has to go her way. Always has to have the attention on her. YET, whenever a social situation comes up, she can't deal with it. She'll try to stay as far away from it as she can. Practically hides! Once we, as a family, we're invited to a birthday celebration for a former co-worker of our dad's. It was a fairly large gathering at an outdoor venue. My sister (an adult) wandered through the parking lot while the rest of us went in. It was so weird! Eventually, one of the attendees, who knew our dad but didn't know her, saw her and talked her into going in. She was so awkward. Even though people were really nice. I've never understood that one - it was so weird.

[@JoshuaAnzalone-zk5ht]

I no longer give a shit what they say about me or think about me. Plus ill walk into a room with 400 narcs and still be myself. Plus i will damn sure speak my mind. I just stay quiet not because im scared,its so i dont say anything STUPID.

[@michellebley213]

Thank you very much for this video!!

[@rhondabaldridge2583]

You are right. My husband wants me to go to the company ranch with him but I have never gone. I don’t trust people. I have two narcissists sisters so I don’t feel comfortable around people or a crowd.

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

Exactly true for me. I have always known that I was deeply social and yet I don't feel accepted and welcomed in social settings. In the family, my youngest sister constantly "stole" the limelight and I got absolutely no positive group time. I will always hate her for that and being social never goes well for me when before that I loved to be with people and dance in front of a group. Now I am afraid to do that, even though I ACT cool, calm, and collected.

[@ChristinaFalgout-ek2jm]

Wow I can so relate! I have had social anxiety and the like for years, I had done so much work and had came so far and this issue was almost none existent. Yet now after a decade with an individual with Npd she has undone all the work and the milestones reached. Now my awkwardness and anxiety is worse then it ever was!

[@Chopsyochops]

Yes this happened to me. I stayed away from my mother for years and I started to blossom. Then after me having a stroke, she got in touch with me. I wasn’t all there in my head and hung around for 2 years not knowing what was happening. Then as my brain healed I started to see her games and my therapist told me that I had spoken about all this stuff in the past about her. Now I’m back to the start of my recovery because my brain was too injured to protect myself and keep away from her after my stroke. I regret it every day. Mother currently lies in wait using little sis as the flying monkey to check on me. I am never going back. My brain has now healed stronger and sharper than before the stroke. But the core wounds are so much worse, and I’ve no clue how to fix them.

[@ravensthatflywiththenightm7319]

I know this feeling. I know it too well. 😿

[@elderlypoodle9181]

Mind reading the conversation 👍

[@dianekennelly2224]

Will you be offering another workshop? In your videos, you describe what I'm feeling. I was finally able to escape from my narcissistic ex-narc-husband on January 3rd, 2020. It's been a difficult journey, but I now have my own place, and I'm okay financially. But I'm not okay inside.

[@klarissam8719]

From childhood wether abuse coming from my mother,or other abusers. She was always telling me to shut up. Silencing me. I was never allowed to Cry. It was always gaslighting" The abuse never happened to me" There is nothing to cry about. You're"crazy, Bipolar etc. "You have anger issues" "You need to be medicated " They want you drugged up too hide their abuse. She would physically hit me for showing emotions. Crying,sadness,just going through painful situations in my life. Always telling me "Don't worry about it. "That's nothing" "Get over it". "We're not going too talk about that" "Leave the past in the past". These monsters are so destructive. They open you up for other abusers outside of the home. They merely hate you for being born different. I thought something was wrong with me. Because I had emotions,and empathy. Then the burden lifted off of me. When the Truth was revealed. That the narcissists lacks empathy. That they are soulless. My mother never wanted me to have anything in life. They see you as pleasants. Not worthy of Love,or anything good life has too offer. My own mother has always been jealous of me. Always humiliating,and insulting me. So that I could feel constant shame. They continue the toxic cycle with their grandchildren. My mother is very jealous of my teen daughter. Because of her Beauty and talents. She despised that people called my daughter Beautiful since Birth too this very day. They admire how intelligent she is,and a kind soul,and Respectful. (My daughter). Back on the subject of my mother.Her favorite grandchildren are my brothers son,and my oldest sister's daughter. (The cycle golden children/golden grand children) Since I was the scrape goat child. My mother tried to target my daughter as a small child for a scrape goat. But I let her know I would not tolerate.For her too subject my daughter to abuse of any kind. Neither any attempts to dull my child's Light!!

[@SpikeLover1863]

I'm sorry to hear that you had such a shitty, awful, nasty mother. Some people don't deserve to have children. I'm glad that you wouldn't tolerate her subjecting your daughter to any of her abuse. Because that's what good mothers do - they protect their children. Sadly, I have a shitty mother, too - she constantly criticized me as I grew up. She's still good at criticizing everyone around her behind their back. One day we were out for lunch and she made a negative comment about someone's appearance - someone she didn't know sitting at another table. 🙄 I could never please her as I grew up - and as an adult, I don't bother trying any more. I cut her out of my life almost 4 months ago and don't regret it.

[@klarissam8719]

@@SpikeLover1863 Hello!, Thank you for taking out the time too write,and the courage to share your post.!! I genuinely appreciate the compassion !! Like wise I'm sorry !!!! about your mother's behavior towards you. I Agree some people do not deserve to have children. Entering motherhood it requires to let go of selfish ways.Being capable of giving your child/ren Love,nurting them,protection,and respect. I truly can understand you about what it is like to have a critical mother. Because I have experienced it too from mine. She always found something wrong to criticize me for. About them saying sh**** things about people behind their backs. Regardless of strangers,other family members etc. Oh don't I know so well this behavior. Because my mother being a gossiper,and talking behind people's back. Having such a mother as this. It is impossible to please these people. They are never satisfied.Nothing is good enough. They can never arrive at happiness,and contentment. I'm really sorry !!!!! how your lunch date turned out with your mom. In closing Sometimes people just need too hear this. YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!! We can't please everybody. I tell my daughter this very thing. Thank You for writing my post!! Please be sure to take care!!! I wish you HEALING & PEACE!!!

[@SpikeLover1863]

@@klarissam8719 - I appreciate your courage in sharing your story, too - as well as your reply. I'm sorry to hear that you also have an overly critical mother. I fully understand nothing ever being good enough for them. Mine also likes to gossip about others behind their back - mostly negative comments. I agree with what you said: Yes, we ARE enough - regardless of what our mothers think. I commend you for being a far better mother to your daughter than your mother was to you! I wish you healing and peace, too - thank you. 😃

[@klarissam8719]

@@SpikeLover1863 THANK YOU SO MUCH! I hope you have a good night!

[@happiness2u67]

Thanks a lot danish

[@suja7129]

Correct

[@nafissadik2754]

Me me me myself

[@LucynaKulczynska]

OMG thank you

[@lzal9204]

I’m the queen of awkward. Lol 😂 which sucks because I have to work with the public. I’ve learned to fake it somewhat. Sort of……

[@ranazeeshan5147]

Same problem happened to me for more than 18 years....

[@user-mp9pu1ns5n]

No interest to interact with others.... feeling secured in a closed environment 😢

[@lisanelson2993]

Unfortunately the workplace is so full of narcissists and flying monkeys the empath may not be wrong in concluding people in a group hate them sadly pretty common group dynamics and pretty dangerous to proceed thinking it’s just past childhood trauma listen to your gut intuition IMHO

[@JoshuaAnzalone-zk5ht]

I work with tons of them and they know I'm not intimidated or scared AT ALL. I think that pisses them off more.

[@HomeFrendsten]

No safety for anyone anywhere ,

[@flowersofthefield340]

❤

[@ChristinaFalgout-ek2jm]

No doubt Certain personalities are definitely a target for narcs. Personally it seems all of my misfortunes and insecurities and such were all major tools of manipulation bye my narc.

[@donnamaniscalco]

How do these reactions differ in a person who has a neurodivergent personality? Thank you 🙏

[@jaymirowe9543]

I became mute

[@ivanabear8824]

i am so sorry

[@jaymirowe9543]

@ivanabear8824 it's ok bless ya we live and learn and there's still hope to get through it and be wiser

[@flowersofthefield340]

Write everything down ........ create things

[@Anonyouteub]

Can someone please tell me how to overcome this? I don’t have the money for therapy.

[@NoliesonLysatya]

I feel you😢. Been there myself. My healing journey began only after I went no contact with Narcs and their enablers. It’s a tough decision but the best one I made. I was all alone, but the solitude was rejuvenating. It takes time but when the detox happens, everything changes for the better. Sending you prayers and strength ❤

[@abum3thedon]

💔

[@charmaineandrews5435]

❤

[@SaraAriyan]

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@rebeccarocklynnx]

lol this is me

[@abum3thedon]

Hellllllllllllll💔💀

[@Me_di]

Holy fuck. Me