Is it Because of Me? [Healing From Betrayal Trauma]

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@wildhorses6817]

I forgave and he BETRAYED me again in multiple ways. I continue to suffer from the financial deciet, theft, lies. I am older , cannot work and lost so much. I regret forgiving a DEMON. I do not recommend ever forgiving these Sick psychopaths. They enjoy your suffering and do everything to cause you suffering and despair. EVIL. Protect yourselves

[@l.5832]

Too many people believe the modern definition of forgiveness as merely 'not holding a grudge'. Forgiveness is a PARDON. Just as forgiveness of a debt wipes the slate clean and restores the relationship as if the offence never occurred. The granting of forgiveness results in the offender receiving something of great value. Not holding a grudge is something you give yourself and you are the one receiving the benefit. But it is not forgiveness because the offence is still there, and likely to be repeated. Grudges will harm you so by all means don't hold a grudge. But it is enabling to extend forgiveness without repentance.

[@adjjal]

​@@l.5832i screenshotted ur comment thank u

[@terrysiave9996]

Dear wildhorses6817, what a sad story you must have lived. I am with you and I understand you so well. I pray for you. May you find healing, love and happiness. I am sure you will overcome your sorrows. You overcame this person, now you can only win. Many greetings. God bless you. And you are right: it is so important to protect oneself. There are really evil people out there.

[@strongerbetterfitness3776]

Forgiveness is very different than trust and reconciliation. You can forgive without reconciliation and trusting again. Forgiveness sets you free not them. Very hard work. I am sorry you went through that hell.

[@l.5832]

@@strongerbetterfitness3776 You are confusing 'forgiveness' and 'not holding a grudge'. Forgiveness is a PARDON. It wipes the slate clean and restores the relationship. Think of what a pardon does in the justice system. The main beneficiary in a pardon or forgiveness is the guilty party. Their position is restored to where it was prior to the offense. The main beneficiary to 'not holding a grudge' is the victim. The guilty party is really not effected at all. Think it through. What you describe is not forgiveness. It is 'not holding a grudge'.

[@The_Viking_Highlander]

Thank you Dr Ramani. I've just ordered your book. I escaped 4 years ago and had to go it completely alone in a new country. I'm still terrified of leaving the house, I trust no-one, and I still spend my days either crying, sleeping or wishing I would fall asleep and not wake up. My only reason to live has been to care for my pets. With the use of additional self help and self care, I hope that your book can provide further knowledge and tools to help me heal and provide myself with at least some quality of life. 🙏

[@audw82]

I'm with u 💯 Keep being strong, and you are! I always felt weak til I was told by someone on the outside looking in that told me I'm so strong and I survived such immense trauma. U hv too, and u ARE STRONG! Like DR. RAMANI said, everytime we heal from narcissistic abuse, we make the world better. I've also learned to use all the knowledge that I've learned from Dr. R and research on narcissism, to help others that are or were in our situation. Maybe u can be that blessing to others as well. Ty for being brave enough to share what you did, and I'm praying 🙏 for ur healing.

[@The_Viking_Highlander]

@@audw82 Thank you for your kind words and for sharing your bravery and resilience.

[@bbdn5123]

🌿🌺 Exactly sis, it's almost a parallel universe over here. I believe everything you wrote, it's our life, we do have eachother one way or another. Yesterday a woman thought I was being followed and said: "We watch and help our sisters!". Exactly this is written within my soul. Please take care, we need eachother. Something like it's a cure to disease to be kind, that's how you extinguish evil. I knew this when I was a child and then got corrupted. So much has happened, shakes your core. It's guiding back, calling us, remember. It's like I went into a trance like state almost just now, I've been holding back and bottling up... No more. No more fear. May The Almighty Creator guide us, may His Light extinguish the evil wickedness, ameen. ☝🏽💖🌌💫

[@REDKNOTDREAD]

Have you thought about a personal protection dog? While expensive and time consuming you can’t invest in enough for your life/family and psyche. Stay strong 💪 ❤you got this!!

[@audw82]

@@bbdn5123 Amen!

[@Moonflowers11]

My mother used to say to me " it's not them, it's you" when I complained that people were mistreating me. I am over it now and finally narcissist free. I am 70 years old and it took me a long time. The last people I let go of were my siblings a few years ago. During the early pandemic i realized there was no hope of having a reciprocal relationship with them.

[@johnwrickel]

Thank you for sharing.

[@Mylifewithanarcissist]

You didn’t deserve this and I hope you know that. Can I ask what you would do differently if you were younger when you first learned about narcissistic abuse? I don’t want anyone to take offense to me saying this but I don’t want to be 70 and still doing this I didn’t even want to be my age and still doing this.

[@Moonflowers11]

@@Mylifewithanarcissist I was attracted to exciting people instead of nice people. IDK if I could have changed but I should have chosen people who were nice to me. I didn't really understand nacissists until a few years ago. The narcisists in my life were not extreme but looking back they were very annoying and caused me a lot of anxiety. The pandemic exaggerated the behavior of my sibs. I am much more relaxed and anxiety free now.

[@manipura4049]

I forgave but I had to leave. It was way to painful to be surrounded by people who were more than happy to put me down and tell everyone how awful I was. I have been alone for many years and only have contact with a few trusted people. I am doing well, but I am getting to the stage where I want to make new friends but I do not want to get close to anyone who shows signs of narc behavior. Wish me luck!

[@tracyking5945]

I watched my mother turn into a mere shadow of my father through their 60 years of marriage. Her handwriting changed to the point I couldn’t tell hers apart from my father’s. She used to have beautiful calligraphy. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for your being the one person I could turn to for loving advice. ❤️🙋🏻‍♀️

[@andreacook6000]

Sending you so much love for what you said about your mum. I know exactly how you feel with that. I know another person that I listen to Dr Les Carter said narcissists want to steal you from yourself and put themselves in there instead, and that is what you’re describing with your mum. Sending much love to her.

[@tracyking5945]

@@andreacook6000 Thank you so much for your compassion Andrea. ::Hugs::

[@chereeburtner4659]

I had a mom, sister and brother as narcissistic people growing up. I then married a narcissist. 2nd husband love bombed me and we got married. Now 20 more years in at 68, I finally learned the lesson to stay away from these people. My whole life was feeling scared, stupid, sitting on the edge of my seat. I'm getting your book today!

[@jessicagerou4132]

Thank you Dr. Ramini! For the longest time I couldn't admit to myself that my father (who was my hero growing up) is actually narcissistic. I'm starting to see people for who they really are, not who I want them to be. ❤

[@An-mei]

So well put! '..not just who I want them to be.' Interesting you call him a hero. I felt the same. Felt because I don't remember much of my childhood. It was always Daddy's Girl. I do know when my parents split I didn't want to stay with my mom. My Dad has done so many hurtful things from my teen on but I see him as a co dependent to my mother. He has cancer and I am there for him but sometimes I see that smirk or catch a glimpse and wonder if I am being played.

[@Bonnienotbonnie]

The breadcrumbs. The good moments. The casino metaphor rocked me just now. Wow.

[@carolebarnes2736]

I remember a good friend telling me years ago, when the good times don't make up for the bad then it's time to get out.

[@MsLisa551]

Thank you Dr Ramani.. you are the first human that understands my life. I blamed myself for years for my marriage. My adhd ,, my childhood trauma, abandonment, my abuse... although, my husband had the the same, minus the adhd. You have helped me realize that it wasn't all me. I have been in therapy since age 20. My spouse never went. So I kept trying to work on this marriage of 23 years. I left and have been punished for it. Using our daughter as the pawn. I last year I found your channel. Thank you so much for all that you do and help so many of us. ❤

[@sandrab.5065]

00:25 to 2:55 - This section succinctly summarizes how or why emotionally abused people become or stay suck in toxic,unhealthy relationships. 🌻 TY, Dr. Ramani.

[@NadaAlawadhi]

I went through that betrayal, I lost sense of myself, thought that if what they did is still in the back of my mind bugging me, then I must be a grudging horrible person, and I went through a cycle of trying to find validation on KZbin, but all I found was more validation to the person who betrayed me, and it just made me loathe myself and lose myself more. And they kept pushing back calling me a bad friend for not being there for them, for becoming the shell of the person I used to be. It felt like I was drowning, and he was the one who pushed me into the water, but also he was the one standing on the ground, panicking and telling me I’m a bad friend for not being able to stop drowning.

[@confusedwhynot]

I hope and pray for your healing.

[@The_Viking_Highlander]

I feel this so viscerally. Most of the time I feel like I'm the narcissist.

[@rielleonhunter4773]

Build yourself up instead of beating yourself

[@lwontherez7927]

Very true…in forgiving the narcissist, they WILL do it again. But forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning their bad behavior. Or being friends with the abuser. Or expecting anything different from them. Or letting them into your life at all! Forgiveness is relinquishing the RIGHT to punish.

[@dynamic9560]

The last part of the video, about forgiveness, is something every survivor out there needs to hear ❤️

[@tlynn9819]

Took yrs to get away. DV advocate assured there was help but had to be out 1st. Went only place I had to go, in neighboring county & she says I'm in wrong county can't help. Called literally every agency since '09, told no help unless I have small children. Couch surfing, last outreach to VOA said call back when living in your car. Dr gaslighting multiple hlth issues preventing me from returning to work yet. Exhausted savings, at the verge of having to return to nightmare. It's not our fault they abused, but make damn sure you can get yourself out and on your feet. There is no one to help.

[@user-uz8np4iv8g]

So so sorry for you. Please don't go back. You are strong You are now empowering your new journey into being safe, and especially peace You will find yourself again Good friends will support and help you on this journey I also went down that black hole, looking for help Then found Dr Ramani Only just finding myself again I don't care how poor I am I am free. Bless you for making that hard decission

[@user-we5tp8jd2p]

I have been sick for 2 years because of betrayal blindness. I have been hospitalized and to multiple specialists. As far as having a brain MRI. Extreme exhaustion, change in my voice. I have experienced vasovagal syncope. My digestive tract has not worked in 2 years. Have to take suppositories daily to have a bm. I have been through a variety of tests including tilt table testing. I now believe after watching many of your videos that my body has been in fight or flight my whole life and my most recent relationship was the tipping point. I have a therapist but I am very concerned I won’t get my body back. I am 41 and I work out daily and eat right. I take good care of myself. This makes the suffering that much more frustrating to say the least. Any help is appreciated

[@SamStone1964]

Do your cortisol levels feel off the chart?

[@user-we5tp8jd2p]

No

[@alliwarwick5590]

I had just recovered from brain surgery when I met my ex narc. never had a problem with my blood pressure until then. I'm fit. I run. now after 2 years and a breakup finally starting to feel myself again. no more hypertension.....these sick people ruin everything in their path. They seem to never suffer ill effects from their abuse though.

[@christineblackmore9977]

We've been taught to forgive as it gives us freedom. This is the first time that I've ever heard that it's OK NOT to forgive. Thank you Dr. Ramini!!!!!🎉❤

[@Joelswinger34]

Here's an example of betrayal trauma: someone tells her family that she was abused and they all either ignore her or tell her she is lying or she imagined it. Instant knowledge that she doesn't actually have a family.

[@bookbeing]

I'm so sorry you were not heard by your family when you tried to bring up maltreatment. 😢😢

[@Priya_the_princess]

Dr ramini i had a whole ick list of this man playing me and saying he’s serious with me and manipulating my experiance but whenever he convinced me it whooshes the whole list and one day i started no contact and re-reading it everyday all day and i realised how could i forget these important incidents 😢❤i let him go after that

[@deborahwilcox5716]

Someone once told me”Forgiveness is releasing the betrayer from whatever you think they owe you”, NOT financial if you can use the courts to help you. Just remember, we ALL watching this video know the “feeling” of anger, rage, mind floods in your brain and heart that takes our hearts and thoughts on a terrifying hike, in the woods alone at midnight with no light! DO NOT allow yourself conscious or unconscious to go there! Stop those debilitating thoughts of slavery to overwhelm you. We-you can do it! Maybe prayer, Philippians 4:8 “dwell on these things that are true,honorable,right,pure,lovely,of good report; if there be any virtue,and if there be any praise….THINK ON THESE THINGS❤🙏🏻

[@tlynn9819]

Have been kept isolated 17yrs in rural community and friends drifted away yrs ago, uncomfortable with my situation. With no assistance, hlth issues prevent wrking yet, have no money to live. Have a couple more weeks to find a way forward but will always be grateful for Dr Ramani's enlightening videos.

[@andreacook6000]

Profound video. Everyone going through this needs to hear what has just been said. The capacity segment is just life altering. That helped me so much to just step back and move away from all the pain I’ve been carrying. That is an escape hatch.

[@user-hr1go7jh5q]

Wow! The whole family knew this person was ill, but no one said anything to me. Even when I went to the family members for support they all played coy, but thanked me for being with their daughter/ mother.

[@phoenixrising4768]

Oh, this is so relatable. This girl stayed back saying it was late.. I didn't suspect anything.. when I got my bf and the girl breakfast, I caught them leaning in.. and they immediately moved. It was so spontaneous that it was obvious something was wrong. When I asked him about it, he denied saying I was seeing things.

[@gregoryritchie7852]

Thanks Dr.Ramani for encouraging me to heal and get MY voice back to give to the world.

[@jbiddle9235]

I love what Dr Ramani has to say about forgiveness and forgiveness shaming. My mom's family literally screwed her over on her death bed and I was shamed for not forgiving them. Like do you want me to say that's okay when they have no remorse? Not a chance. Took me over 5 years to let go of the anger, but can never forgive that fully.

[@lwontherez7927]

Thank you for the “No forgiveness shaming”. I SO agree with you on this!! And it’s, if it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen. And if it does, it’s a release that UN-TIES the person FROM the narcissist-which OSS always good!!

[@jilladams7573]

Kyle Kittleson and Dr. Ramani both seem likely genuinely lovely people 😍!

[@PixieCropCircleDuster]

I wasn't sure but now I am Bless you Dr. Ramani for doing videos this week while sick❤ Thank You❤

[@andreacook6000]

Thank you for the piece on forgiveness as well that is life changing too. Looking forward to reading the book and going more into depth about all of this and being set free from these people once and for all. Part of the problem that’s so hard is going round and round in circles never being free from it. This is a video to keep and watch again and again until it really stinks into the core

[@maureenrowlett3923]

This has been brilliant for me, but the part that made the biggest impact on me was the forgiveness part. Holy wow!

[@EVOLr]

Wonderful, congrats on the new book Dr.

[@kathleenm5980]

Thank you Dr. Ramani! You have helped me, my sister, friends and many others in our family. We are so grateful. Looking forward to reading your book.

[@SleepyMarshmallow-nj9su]

I love all of your content on narcissism, please don't get me wrong, but it's SO AWESOME to see you talk about betrayal trauma as well. It's just refreshing because I've often wondered about the topic and even looked for videos of you speaking on it before so I really appreciated this! Thank you Dr. Ramani thank you Kyle!

[@l.5832]

The family narcissist primes you for a narc marriage. I thought I was marrying the opposite to my narc parent but the narc husband knew my family dynamic so he pretended to be what I needed him to be. A few breadcrumbs were way better than I got at home. After the wedding, the breadcrumbs disappeared.

[@SaveStef]

Divorce them, now!

[@l.5832]

@@SaveStef I did. Takes a long time to recover, though because it took a long time before I could safely extricate myself from the marriage.

[@lizcamarillo2862]

Thank you for your straightforward advice! Will get the book!

[@spesch03]

Wonderful woman! Wonderful closing 👏🏻 she definitely is the only professional advice out there! So very qualified. Thank you for keeping this topic going so we can all continue to heal and grow.

[@JananyaKali]

Dr Ramani, I love you. Not only are you a life saver, you're so fun to listen to as well. Thank you so much.

[@arianasha]

A TRULY WONDERFUL WATCH ! SPEAKS SO LOUD & CLEAR TO.. INTEGRITY, HONESTY & TRUTH ! To one's own heart and core.. Thank you so much for this wonderful powerful energy exchange, it rings all the way through to and for me 100% !

[@NancyBrown1975]

Wonderful Dr. Ramani! I am so proud of you! I was hoping you would get another book out three years ago. I have watched your daily videos for three years now. You are keen at what’s happening around you in life. Keep going! You are doing a great job! Next up is to make a test for us to see what grade we get in our knowledge of narcissism of what we have learned from you! lol

[@WaterBug46]

Thanks Dr Ramani. My book is due to arrive Monday. It will join your other books that have been my stronghold as I negotiate healing

[@Mylifewithanarcissist]

I didn’t know that betrayal trauma was a thing until the experience I am going through was about midway in. I haven’t begun any work on healing the betrayal yet because I’m lagging due to how much I need to process and heal. I am trying to get myself situated so I can get deeper into therapy . I will see a big improvement when the help I’m wanting is able to balance what I’m trying to deal with. One day I hope you get to read one of my books one day Dr. Ramani. You have had a tremendous impact on my life in a good way and not only have I wanted to help people who have been what I’ve been through but also I see it as a way to pay it forward and to show my gratitude towards people who help me with rebuilding my life.

[@kmychelle91]

Heavy on THE EXPERT! Thank you Dr. Ramani💜 Literally saved my life🤞🏾 Lifesaver

[@sadderandwiser]

Thank you, Dr.Ramani. I so appreciate your experience, your words of encouragement and your courage. Love you, take care of you ❤️

[@maevebutler4641]

Thank you DrRamini for educating me re - my life history beginning with a violent narcissistic mother & then marrying a grandiose malignant narcissist I have suffered horrific abuse from them both, been betrayed countless times by them both I have numerous health issues & numerous surgeries as a result of all i endured & no i dont / ever will forgive them as what was done to me was unforgivable Thank you for your guidance and wisdom with your daily videos I would never have come through this without you Congratulations on your new book 🎉

[@vickibazter3446]

EPIC DR. RAMANI ☆☆☆☆☆ This is so helpful and elucidating. I have listened to hours of videos on this subject. THIS clicked the FOCUS button on. THANK YOU. I am getting this book.

[@mediacreations5996]

This is so good, thank you 🙏, so many gems 💎 here,most helpful 🦋💖Appreciate this talk show 💫

[@jeffb8401]

You are my hero! Literally helped me heal, understand and move on. I am ok just sad for my kids who have a narc mother.

[@lukasp-fj2jm]

Dr.Ramani love watching your videos and podcasts, so interesting and informative and has really helped me through tough times when I am in despair, keep going as I am certain many people worldwide appreciate you and have gained self respect and confidence in themselves from all your informative hard work . Greetings from N.Ireland Lara

[@user-jb3lm1jf4t]

I so appreciate this knowledge. I am 52 and I shoved everything in the top shelf until I physically, mentally and emotionally SHUT down! It truly made me sick

[@rachy2008]

Thank you again so so much Dr Ramani. Thank you ❤

[@mirananaim5971]

This is an amazing interview, and Kyle is as usually asking the right questions and interfering at the right time❤ Dr Ramini, you are saving lives and souls ❤through your videos i learned not to be a flying monkey and to validate and explain to a very dear and beautiful heart what she was going through...rather beneath. Much love and gratitude from Beirut 🇱🇧

[@tiffanybazemore3058]

Dr. Ramani you are so valuable….I will be ordering your book from Amazon today.

[@user-tr5bz6mn5o]

Dr Ramani, your video was very informative and I have learnt so much. The comments about forgiving were really resonated with me.

[@carolynlamar8079]

Thank you so much💕 Appreciate both of you💕💕🌸🌸

[@gerritsen63]

Kyle. I agree Dr Ramani is brilliant ❤really loved this !! Thankyou 🥰

[@icme8761]

Kyle’s whoosh made me remember so many whooshes. ❤

[@DerekWong967]

I love Dr Ramani

[@supernaturalluck8215]

Dr. Ramani, I'm so grateful to you on educating me on the root cause of why I had a difficult life. It was a result of having a narcissistic mother. I'm working on forgiveness, and keeping my distance to stay healthy. Love you Dr. Ramani.

[@joannecarr2034]

I can’t wait to read her new book

[@user-us5gs7rv5o]

yes i was and still are in a pattern, ths is violence in our hearts, it has been one after another, mother, friends, family ...and yes the World calls it normal...and yes i thought i was lucy to have them

[@lorimullen3680]

Yes Doctor Ramani is "Thee Expert!"

[@tboned1]

My mother-in-law is a raging narcissist...my wife was covert until late forties then at 52 went full entitled raging narcissist...I left her after 40 years...now my oldest Son is raging...the other 3 adult children are normal...makes me wonder about a genetic predisposition towards NPD. All 3 have all 11 characteristics.

[@KaleidosKopeEyes]

I am a 45-year-old mother of 3 children that I had with a covert narcissist. We met in 2006 and he immediately started isolating me from everyone. We hadn't known one another for an entire week and he went crazy because I had visited my father overnight and didn't return the same night I left. I forgot all about that argument...it was like what she said about "whoosh" it just went away like it never happened even though I was there and part of the event. Our entire relationship was "whoosh" because I wanted it to work. Especially when we had our first child. I was in deep, omg. I am currently reliving all those years over but from the correct standpoint, the truth. It's so scary to realize the entire 12 years was a lie. I don't miss him at all, he is still around and still at it. He won't stop actually. He has put our children's sparks out like they were cigarette butts. I have an 11-year-old that won't go to school. He had always put the child's needs on the back burner and kept him in the shadows of our oldest who is currently failing at school. Each child was straight A & B students but over the last few years, I have watched each of them turn into completely different people. Has anyone ever gone this far with a narcissist and not been able to do anything about it? Well, I left the relationship, I locked him out in 2017 actually. But he amped everything up and began gaslighting the children right in front of me. When I started noticing the children's confusion, I locked him out. Let me slide in here that I was raised by a narcissistic mother but I don't think she knew what she was doing to me like he does. My mother was raped by her brother twice and as I go over her life in my mind there's no doubt in my mind she was narcissistic but there's also no doubt that my mother loved me. She had no idea what she was doing, she pulled me in and out of schools as she chased unavailable men til I was 13. She took me away from my father when I was 4. My whole life thus far my brain has been in fight or flight mode. I have never had a single comfortable breath and I have never felt safe. It's SO crazy the things I am learning because there is a reason for ALL of it. 45 years of unexplained events are now all so clear, and I can't tell you how bittersweet this realization is. It's somewhat relief but more so just simply "sad". I look back at the little 4-year-old I was who adored her father and I get this sense of love, safety, and comfort but it's short-lived because none of my memories are before the age of 4 and those loving feelings are quickly wiped away with feelings of shame, guilt, confusion, and fear. My mother screamed at me every single day, she was a mess. An emotional roller coaster and always upside down, even on those good days it still felt off. I knew there was something wrong with my situation as I grew up. I remember looking at the other girls in 2nd-grade thinking "I'll never smile like them". I knew there was something wrong but I couldn't figure out what it was so I automatically thought it was me. Jump 41 years later and I now know it wasn't. I was the solution and still am but I'm afraid my wings are permanently broken and what I thought was the sky is hell and I am still in the heat burning up like a chicken in an air fryer. My x still has one of our children in his grips. Our 16 year old. I am receiving e-mails and calls from his school just like I did the other 2 children that not only is he failing but turning into a different person altogether. I keep telling these teachers what's going on but none of them will listen to me. I need to get my boy back home and no one will help me. I called the National Abuse Hotline and they told me to pack up and run. Run? They told me if I don't leave where he can't find me it will get worse. And that advice was given to me 2 years ago, and they were right. My life has still been in turmoil one way or another. That is how I finally learned what was going on. I actually Googled "Why is my life always in turmoil"?! I had a therapist I was seeing through telehealth last year 4 days a week and she ultimately fired me through an e-mail saying my issue was too complicated for her and to seek a specialist. That is something I told her when we met yet she proceeded to waste the next 8 months of my life while my two oldest children were being turned into a pile of shit by their father. My daughter ultimately came home but just her body because her spirit is dead. She is a zombie and not going to school. My 11-year-old has always been closer to me and even he dropped out of school. Help! Now I am getting calls about the "golden child" (as their father referred to him in front of the other 2 kids) failing and turning into a different person. Was it wrong of me to e-mail the teachers the truth? I sent a 2-page e-mail with links and experiences, stories, and proof. I am too scared to check my e-mail now for their response. Why am I scared? I know the truth about everything yet I am STILL too scared to enter society. I rarely ever leave my house. I have no friends, no family. Sure, two of my children are living at home with me but they are zombies and they remind me of their father due to their manipulations. They use me. I am so scared and so alone it's not funny. I need help. My children need help. I can't run. If I ran, what does that say to my children? But staying in and being scared doesn't send a positive message either. I need my boy out of there, that's the most important thing on my mind right now. Send the calvary, send me those angels, someone please save my boy. He needs his mother's love and I am nothing without them. I gave birth to each of them with purpose and it was all out of love. The Universe felt the need for these children and summoned them through my heart. It's not just my job to save them but my reason for still being here and going through all I have gone through. I am taking a f*ing beating, still. But I cannot do this alone, we weren't built to do this alone. I am a good woman, honest & kind. My babies need me so I can finally find that inner peace before I die. Until then I won't budge. But I need help. The "extra mile" kind of help. Everyone else has deserted me and left me for dead. Thanks for letting me share. My name is Edie and I am currently enduring the worst kind of narcissistic abuse.

[@user-we8ek7ku7d]

Depending on the severity of the narcissism they are capable of self reflection, but not capable of change. In fact, gaining insight for a vulnerable narcissist is very doable, but it just induces shame in them, they then panic and look for new supply.

[@juliepicard1492]

I grieve through art and creative works!🎉❤🎉

[@juliepicard1492]

Drinking is double trouble😅

[@user-qg5ze4yt4n]

Dr. Ramani helped me understand how to heal ❤️

[@barbarawilliams7327]

Your videos are so helpful Dr. Ramani and this one is very interesting. Will you please address more on the issue of parents of adult narcissistic children, their abuse and the withholding of visitation with grandchildren. Thank you!!

[@earthrooster1969]

The PERFECT title for the book.. It's NOT about 'me' for sure.. Even though I always hoped it would be... someday

[@brookea518]

17:10 so important for people to hear this. She’s the best. I can not wait for my book!!! ❤

[@theresakohler-ruda1292]

Doc is good... take the compliment. Please 💛

[@InSouthernMaine]

Finally - 30 YEARS!!! That's what this is - I'm not mentally ill. But, 30 years - now what? It feels like it's too late.

[@poonambalan]

I feel the same also 30 years I am not doing too well my endocrine and cardiology state took a huge hit. I use the need for focus on my health, meditation centering my mind, and forcing myself to participate in community non work related events especially if it's exercise related helps. I guess I'm saying just jump into what you think you like or just discover new likes.

[@jenniferandrews2835]

Never too late. Take care of self and don't be mistreated.

[@kathrynhayes1799]

There is importance in completing a lesson. The reason I work on forgiving another person who meant me harm is because I do not want to have to come back here to take that lesson over again till I get it right. I want to complete the lesson and move on. Close the book on it and be done with it. In point of fact, they tried to destroy me but I survived. And if I can’t forgive them wholly, that’s okay - I made an attempt, I completed the lesson.

[@user-hh1lc8rm4b]

Dr Ramani is so real man! If you forgive them, they view it as permission. "I can do whatever I want, I'll just betray or do wrong and they'll just forgive me" (When my narc cheated she said "I just thought we were gonna talk about it like we always do and move past this." That's cause she crossed my boundaries and hurt me before and I forgave her, and then she went and crossed that particular boundary two more times and we "talked over it" and I forgave her so she thought when she cheated it would just be business as usual ha-ha. Clearly she didn't change when I forgave her in the past, what makes me think she'd change now?

[@dianedeclare8541]

There was no safe place for me to Turn for support. My best friend advised me to just ignore it and stay firm in my own identity. However , the isolation alienation caused by being shunned by the flying monkeys who believed the lies about me-that Hurt!

[@joannabrites6288]

Betrayal trauma is a dead end with a broken heart and bruised soul. I grew up the family scapegoat so my best friend Chris was my world. She showed me how to like myself and she always protected me. She took me in when my mother threw me out with a two month old child. There was no chance for me to be normal I was abused by my entire family and my sister started to physically abuse me. I medicated myself into nothingness. My friend met a man with money and I guess me struggling with an addiction was too much for her so she just abandoned me. When I say addiction I mean I didn’t steal or do anything bad to hurt her. She just stopped talking to me. She just left me stranded for yrs we didn’t talk. I couldn’t believe she did that, it devastated me and I had nightmares for yrs because of it. The one person I had left me. I was so lost and fell deeper into my addiction. Ten yrs passed before I can out of it. Everyone else I knew was dead, I mean everyone. How do we heal I’ll never know, but my life now has some normalcy to it. I raised an amazing daughter.

[@lwontherez7927]

So true! That the narcissist’s abuse is on THEM’ One of the best things that happened to me during the trauma I experienced with my ex husband’s betrayal…was when a religious leader told me in very certain terms that what my ex did at that time was “not my fault”…No matter WHAT i did, in the marriage. So healing! Why? Because my ex husband’s and my identities were intertwined/enmeshed.

[@terrij2024]

Thank you 😊 ❤

[@amberinthemist7912]

Never forgive betrayal. Ever. Leave if you can. If you are trapped do whatever you can to quiet quit and stay sane.

[@amandalea8156]

These two 💜

[@ritakapoor608]

Dr Ramani u r a god send

[@endlessunivese9350]

i love your hair ramani

[@tarakadir9259]

Thank you 🙏🏻 ❤

[@Priceless16]

One told me that I need to forgive and forget what he/they had done. The audacity!!

[@robertathomas8503]

Maybe he's not that bad. He doesn't hit me or cheat. Sometimes he's really nice. I get so confused and end up thinking I am to blame...have too high expectations. It's exhausting. I am exhausted. 48 years of going around and around in my mind.

[@mariarego396]

Thanks!

[@angelaraycroft233]

16:30..ty for the validation ❤

[@trinamyers7726]

That is so good…”When we’re going through the process sometimes it gets masked as a coping strategy”. That one hit home on many grief levels. I never put that together before. How do we know the difference?

[@katherinebraithwaite3794]

Listening to this, I have to laugh.My brain is going, "Honey! I got more whooshes than Nike!" This is amazing, though. Gotta get the book and read it...MANY times. More than half a century of narcissistic abuse - first from my mother, then my husband, then three of my four children. No - it's not me. Now I know. But most of my life I've been told that if everyone around you is a jerk, maybe it's time to look in the mirror. No doubt there are many times when that is the case but I'm slowly realizing that this is not the case, this time. Two major whooshes from one daughter. The third time, I was accused of trying to suffocate my brand new grandbaby - in the same room as the father, and while I was doing homework with my youngest daughter. As someone who has had colicky and high-demand babies, and raised four with only financial support, I KNOW that this didn;t happen - it's just not something I could ever do. But when I denied it, I was called a liar and they said I was trying to gaslight them "again" but this time they were on to me. Apparently, all I had to do was admit that I had done it, and apologize, and everything would be fine. Is there ANY part of that that makes sense? I walked out. Took my youngest daughter, and we flew back home. Haven't spoken to them since. I miss the babies but I cannot and will not live with that behaviour. any more. And besides, if I let this one whoosh - what would be next?

[@janetabramson6978]

Thank you

[@Cherry-kt8zo]

Whoosing it away is so familiar...

[@robinstachowiak5745]

Mine broke my leg. His version and mine are complete opposite. Wish I had a camera in the house. Do they really believe their version ?

[@wildhorses6817]

Yes, they totally believe their LIES. They are Delusional, it is their survival mechanism along with Projection.

[@andrehopeadefranco]

59:55 I feel like it's about forgiving yourself

[@angelaraycroft233]

12:55 in..absolutely ❤

[@bredamcalinden3396]

After 7 years with a narcissist I eventually got away. During the time I did not know he was narcisstic for years. I would visit my sister and tell her what was going on. She could not understand why I would not leave. I did leave lots but he manipulated me back. In end I blocked him. My sister is now not wanting contact with me me as she says I traumatised her with my stories.

[@bredamcalinden3396]

So I feel bad by this. If I knew what talking to her would impact her I would not have told her

[@bredamcalinden3396]

In family situations she treats me bad and it impacts everyone in our family. She blmes me and sees herself as the victim. It's heartbreaking

[@bredamcalinden3396]

PLEASE MY QUESTION

[@SaveStef]

Your sister sounds like a fruit loop! Maybe you’re better without her.

[@TheGoodGlow520]

I’m feeling so so betrayed. Recently by my narc egg donor and now by my Golden Child brother. I feel like my entire life has been one lie after another. Who can I trust? #feelinglostandslone.

[@angelicamaster7764]

Don't ask us to FORGIVE please. The word is a trigger of shame. It is an enabling word. They don't deserve a badge! We can heal by working on our grief and loss.

[@user-gs3qu1wq2l]

THATS WHAT HE DID TO ME GASLIGHTING I DIDNT KNOW WHAT THAT WAS I DO NOW I WILL NEVER GO BACK WITH HIM PERIOD

[@ssjb7542]

TY TY TY

[@lwontherez7927]

Dr. Ramani, will you do (or have you done)a video on when the narcissistic style (OR even NPD) crosses the line…over into abuse-?

[@alvildasophiaanaya-alegria8419]

Grief 2 years for me. Because then I went into remembering my childhood abuse memories and had to grief that.