Social Climbing: Why do Some Women Feel like They're 'At the Bottom?'

[@ItsTaniya]

An ex friend of mine told me “I feel like I’m always in your shadow”. “Everyone always likes you”. I’m not friends with her because she expected me to dim my light so she can shine. And I said “no” and moved along with my life 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@ProbablyGone]

Me too! My ex friend was dark skin but skinny but felt she was still in her big girl body. Everyday was a shame contest with her own self. It's weird.

[@ProbablyGone]

Youre so pretty btw!

[@khplaylistyt9729]

We cant be friends with people who aren't our equals. They will always feel insecure.

[@idomalion6167]

Why are these women so draining? They can make you feel depressed by being around them.

[@Aaron-295o2u]

People want to be seen but fail to understand that they have to do the mental and physical work to be seen. There are no hand outs in this life.

[@ExoticalsUnited]

@@Aaron-295o2u right. Like, No one owes you a platform

[@CutieNoone200]

I hate when a woman tells me to dress down or don’t get cute for something. I’m not dimming my light just because you don’t feel adqueate 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@mitty3674]

Also, you’ll notice that you have friends who seem to care and be there for you when you’re going through something emotional. The reality is it’s for their entertainment and they want to see you down, even people who seem to have good emotional intelligence and “care” to listen. Realistically they want to see you struggle.

[@Satin.B]

Literally why I’m scared to “open up” to people because some folks are just that sadistic they love seeing others in misery. Why I only talk openly to 2 people and a therapist.

[@HoneyG117]

Yes you make a great point about having friends for certain things. I have friends that are great for brunch/light-hearted activities, friends that are great for having deep conversations, friends for traveling, etc. Makes things so much easier.

[@ExoticalsUnited]

@@HoneyG117 right ! Like, everyone is not going to be a deep conversation friend, or the fun adventurous friend . Honestly some of the friends I have the deepest conversations with don’t even live in the same city and state as me 💀

[@ExoticalSauce]

Journaling is definitely a way i can validate my own feelings!!

[@ExoticallyExotical]

It has helped me build my confidence back.

[@lithasunset]

Closer and closer to that 30k 🎉

[@SunflowersFromMyDad]

i am QUEEN of not giving a **** the older you get i think the less external validation matters, not for everyone but at least for me and all the people I personally know. my mom especially. had to grow into this level of comfort

[@ExoticalsUnited]

@@SunflowersFromMyDad yeah that’s why I just call it micro validation. Because it’s crumbs compared to what you can give yourself

[@SunflowersFromMyDad]

@@ExoticalsUnited I agree with you

[@Satin.B]

I find myself shutting down in mid conversations because im neurodivergent. I do well first impression but after a few days my “mask” start to slip and my coworkers or new acquaintance wills feel bothered that I’m not as bubbly as before and especially when im spacing out while eating. It truly bothers people. So I try to seek out others on the spectrum because it so much easier to talk to them without explaining everyday “hey Sarah’s ya Im on the spectrum sorry”. I already know I can’t survive in office settings or repetitive in person scenarios. I thrive better with meeting new faces (my clients) and folks who share the same brain waves as me. It Just sometimes harder to find people like me out in the wild. Ugh.

[@BlackCatGirl888]

I do this as well. I do have a heat seeking ray for this as we all act the same

[@RehabWithRaeRae]

I feel like a lot of women that prefer most compliments to be about their looks experience a time they're embarrassed about it. Maybe they worry about being labeled as superficial. What a relief it would be if they or we just embrace that? That could actually help remove the barriers to that as a goal! :)

[@ExoticalsUnited]

@@RehabWithRaeRae oooooh that’s a great point ! And I agree like, as I got older I realized I care about influence , status, and being well liked . That would make sense as to why I used to be triggered by social Media - it turns out I wanted to be on it myself and have my own page 🥰

[@RehabWithRaeRae]

@@ExoticalsUnited I noticed that can also happen if you're not getting recognition on a certain platform because you're only using one that you like the most - for me its Facebook, so when algorithms come I like to shift focus onto instagram or even selling apps like poshmark :) It would be interesting to see more from you about social media especially since you used to dislike it!

[@DoomsdayApparatus]

19:21 helped me realized that I have too much empathy because I care about everyone's opinion. I don't think there's anyone on planet earth that wouldn't have the power to break me down :/

[@JL-ow5hp]

Thanks for your vids. Your comments on how to build your own beauty standard has helped me so much with my confidence. Your advise plus an ego dissolution and some slight self awareness feels like I have the key to life lmaoo.

[@ExoticalsUnited]

@@JL-ow5hp right ! isn’t it so freeing once you finally give yourself permission?! 🥰

[@Browngemini2024]

Also other reasons that some people especially women are at the bottom is because they always try to find a way to put you down and they intervene in your business.

[@lauren1937]

21:47 not the weave matting up in the back😂😂😂😂😂

[@ExoticalsUnited]

😂😂😂

[@ambersummer2685]

I do feel this way about myself. I do get called pretty but what helps a lot is having more than one craft or being multitalented. I’m always known for making food and kombucha from scratch, drawing and sewing.

[@anu9766]

periofttttt! thank you for being soo blunt

[@yahainHotPink]

💖💖 Yesss, I never heard this term until I heard it online and I wondered where it came from. Too many people say it when speaking about beauty and dating. And it is such a weird phrase.

[@joyceadena]

Friendship archetype slim fashionable girls hater archetype big + older women 😂 This is important people forget the importance of networking in fitness centres. I met so many people from many professions, I always noticed everyone says "Hello" to me when they don't know me. I seem approachable and interesting but my coworker was so triggered when a coworker who she was calling came to me first😅 They try to look pretty but their consistency is very bad, so they end up hating the fact I keep myself together. She has her little gang and I think she's one of the draining people you talk about. Some people are so miserable. Do not like Negative Nancy's ugh if you don't like something change it! The charisma point is 100% imagine going to events and that girl is just standing there no personality anything to give to the conversation.

[@taesimmer]

Sometimes the haters don't even have to be big. If they haven't met their fitness goals in general, they will still be a nightmare. Totally agree on the consistency part though.

[@anonamous6320]

The feeling comes from being bullied, humbled, & receiving less attention on social media

[@KimmyH34]

Hey Exoticals United, thanks for this video, i really learned alot from it!😊 Can you please do a video expanding on the flirting? I got into a situation a few years back where my husbands best friend had a crush on me. I started being really rigid, especially around men because i didnt want to give off the wrong impression. I am so tired of this past situation holding me back, i just want to be comfortable around men again lol!

[@taesimmer]

Men know if they like you or find you attractive, before you even say anything 😭. He just took your kindness and made it what he wanted to believe it was (returned interest). In other words, he was trying to make a move on his friend's wife; men aren't dumb.

[@YamiCassie]

I'm the same! I tend to avoid men because it's too easy for them to think I'm romantically interested in them simply because I'm nice. Then they become clingers. I never truly learned how to flirt or get my way with flirting because I was trying to avoid this type of attention from men!

[@KimmyH34]

@YamiCassie the topic needs to be discussed! I feel like this is a huge problem for pretty girls, because we are not oblivious to the lustful eyes of the opposite sex. It is uncomfortable to say the least, but i would love to know how to use it to my advantage as Exoticals United stated in the video.

[@dearbrave4183]

This was a 10/10❤️ Taking notes...✍🏽

[@hawkrose2698]

Lots of great advice, and lots of informative strategies in this video! This breakdown was top notch. Awesome work EU!

[@kenasssss]

I just really clicked for the thumbnail...🙂 They're so pretty 😚

[@ExoticallyExotical]

❤❤❤❤ I just went no contact with my uabw best friend. She projects her insecurities onto me.

[@naturallybecoming831]

Yeah this helped me I do desire having a social life so I need to work on my interactions validating myself, feeling adequate, and I need to go do more of the adventurous activities I enjoy. I’m just working on overcoming low self esteem. I didn’t think to diversify friends for different things but now I see how that makes it easier. I’m reflecting on what I want from friendship and what I have to offer too

[@rediettadesse2828]

Thank you youve helped me in a way

[@7EmpathicBeauty]

EU, I MUST admit…you mentioned before to wear pink or something like that and I didn’t intend to apply that. I wasn’t thinking about it and I wore an all pink outfit. Tell me why whenever I wear it, I get the most attention??? I tried it multiple times and it actually worked. The rose gold jacket I have compliments my skin. I came back to say you were right as far as my own experience.

[@anonamous6320]

Because they are …. Not our fault life is this way

[@DianaTorres-sy2de]

How do you keep up with so many friends? Any tips?

[@SheCanSmile]

i have acquaintences. not friends near me.

[@morrggss_]

i came across (was randomly recommended) the youtube channel harmonie or something, she was talking shit about our community, specifically put exoticals united is a colorist in the title 🙄 i went to the comment section, these dumb women are so delusional it's hilarious. i couldn't even watch a couple minutes of the video. it's very obvious how jealous they are and the more the movement grows, the more hater channels post. i just found it funny 💀 their spaces are so toxic! fighting eachother more than they do with us 😂

[@Marineeeexxo]

Yeah youtube recommended that channel to me also. I could not listen that woman screaming 😂. Then i just clicked "dont recommend this channel"

[@justmecoded]

working on self concept will definitely help in this case