South of the river

[@babysteps1]

Wow! I can't believe I have found this! The pub scene was filmed in the Queen Victoria in Southwark Park Road, Bermondsey. The pub still stands to this day. I know this because it was my grandparents pub from 1961 for 24 years (Bill and Maisie Creaghan). I still have the commemorative silver tray that the brewery gave to my grandparents on their retirement, I keep my whisky tumblers on it. My family are actually from Highgate. When my grandad brought the pub it was 500 pounds less to buy a pub in Bermondsey, so our family moved to Bermondsey. You can even see my mum and dad at 23.18 (my mum is the blonde). We still have mum but lost dad a couple of years ago. The two ladies singing are my grandmother and her sister. There was another regular singer called Billy Burnham, a Bermondsey legend, he even released an album for the BBC called 'Let's have another one'. There was another BBC album recorded in the pub called 'Pub songs from the Queen Vic with Bill and Maisie'. Other music related trivia is the as it was a Courage Beer pub, a couple of the Courage 'Best' ads with Chaz and Dave were filmed in the pub. As children we seemed to have an endless supply of Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit tees shirts. The scene was filmed in the public bar, the pub had 4 bars with a service area in the middle. There was saloon bar, public bar, sports bar (darts and bar billiards) and a snug for the old ladies and their bottled Guinness. As children, my brother, cousins and I always thought that the cellar and top floor was haunted. It was a very old 3 storey victorian building and it seemed to be always cold. On the first floor was a room called the clubroom where some events were held as it had a long dining table that could seat around 24 people. We had many christmas dinners in the clubroom and all sorts would come every year including a lady that did the cleaning and other locals from the community that had no family or couldn't afford a christmas lunch. It was in the days were community was everything and everyone looked after each other. Things have changed so much now, I went into the pub about 30 years ago and had a pint of Courage Best. I started talking to the publican, he was totally not interested. Kinda sad, probably a relief manager or some such. The pub was also a Richardson brothers pub so there were always a lot of characters around and people fencing stolen goods etc. So many memories. Thank you for uploading, it was great to watch and I shed a few tears. I miss my dad so much. x

[@HukurouCrow]

Thanks so much for sharing, it was lovely to read your memories and so sad but illustrative of how things have changed that he didn't want to listen to you share such awesome history. I've been seeking out videos like this all last night and today after watching one about London council estates in 1971, people are so articulate and heartfelt. They speak with genuine thoughtful responses to what that are being asked to discuss; now I feel people would feel too vulnerable or 'uncool' to ponder at such length when answering the topic of discussion put to them. Nothing wrong with that but even the mode of speaking feels like there is inherently more connection and seeking keeping community and connection. Lovely how you spent your Christmases and the four spaces for all.

[@SE16Proud]

Remember them well my friend great people had great times in there my uncle had pub in camila rd...yer right Vic still standing and still a good lil boozer in a fantastic manor... .🦁

[@musicloverlondon6070]

Great evocative comment!

[@jimmymcguire8217]

Loved reading this post, the Queen Victoria is now on my 'to do' list, I'll have a pint of best to you, your family and your happy memories when I get there, cheers

[@tnetroP]

Thank you.

[@spencerTaylor-f5t]

God bless those beautiful old girls. If they could see it now it'd break their hearts

[@sallyarmstrong8612]

I love hearing the old songs, reminds me of my late nan who would sing those songs to me when I was little.

[@borderlord]

"Go to my Bingo once a week" God Bless that woman....a simple pleasure to take her mind off a hard life !

[@CARLIN4737]

Still the same in the 1980s 90s up and down the country. Bingo on a Friday night or Saturday afternoon. That was as good as it got?

[@mauriceosullivan6832]

@@CARLIN4737 I know mate,, my mums gone now, she had 7 of us , and that was the highlight of the week,, if she ever won,, she would bring bags of chips home, and a bag of chips then were 20 pence a bag. 😂.

[@TheCrouchingMonkey]

What a touching film, what genuine humble people.

[@johnstorey5876]

Peckham boy myself, but worked in all of these area's, all first class people, and proud Londoners,God bless all of them.👍

[@andynixon2820]

I've got a couple of mates who moved out of bermondsey , one in the 60s and the other in the 70s . I know people seem nostalgic about 'the good old days' but they hated the poverty , bad housing and lack of prospects . Talk to them today and living in Essex is comparative paradise. The past wasn't as great as you think and the present is not as bad as you imagine .

[@stellayates4227]

I think people just miss having Cockneys and the life of the community they created in London but are not necessarily thinking the past was better in every way.

[@Casshern_Sin]

True. Every generation says the same about the previous generation. So those 'good old days' always had people talking about how bad it is compared to the 'good old days'.

[@boygeorge3544]

So true, when I hear people saying how great it was back then due no immigrants etc, I laugh at the thought of no social mobility etc. Today isn't perfect but it's far better.

[@boygeorge3544]

@@joeconnors2678 there is plenty of them about and non white Londoners are still Londoners, thank you very much.

[@andrewmurray5542]

@@Casshern_Sin indeed. Today is the 'good old days' for folk in 30 years' time. No matter how bad they think modern life is now, no doubt people then will be saying how good these days are even though now they're wishing for the past. Every time span has its good and bad points. I could write a long list of why the past was better but could write an equally long list as to why it wasn't. Our happy memories tend to be overstated in our minds which tends to push the bad times out.

[@Northenstar13]

What a great little film it’s really interesting to look back

[@1220b]

Within just ten years this world was gone..

Disgusting what's happened to our great city..

[@mrpangyang5225]

Enuff to make you wanna write a book Paolo

[@tomservo5007]

did the poverty increased?

[@salvadormarley2360]

@@tomservo5007 No Tom, he's talking about community cohesion. Poverty is nowhere near as bad but it certainly does exist. Homelessness is still a horrendous problem. Knife crime and general crime is terrible in London.

[@shelleyphilcox4743]

Thank you for posting this film. It has put me sharply in mind of my lovely extended family, my grandparents, great aunties and uncles, parents, aunties, uncles and cousins and reminded me sharply of everything they worked and fought for so me and my children had a safer life and opportunities they never had. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to the generations before me and my respect for everything they endured.

[@jeffdavies2315]

What ever happened to my people...I could weep

[@bushwhacked7112]

Jeff Davies destroyed by people who never belonged and believed in absolutely fuck all.

[@alfiecane]

How try my beloved Bermondsey gone .

[@jakmak1199]

All in benidorm.

[@mickpriestley]

@Adrian Carter what a bellend

[@rabbitskinner]

Cultural Marxists broke them..

[@gssheriff7278]

They made what they had last and enjoyed their community. That's lacking now, no one gives a crap

[@WHUFC71]

Cockney proud but nothing is the same there! Youd be lucky to find a British person in the eastend let alone London!! The bloke talking sounds like Boyce from only fools and horses!!

[@returnofthegmac9203]

LOL 5 mins in and now I will keep thinking it's Boyce That was a funny coment

[@nicolassosolic3760]

Get real! Convert yourself to islam,think about the futur and be one step ahead! Surrender!!! Hi from a froggie lol

[@jcrossan1351]

The old cockney accent sounds so cool to me

[@COLEEN322]

They all sound like Jamaican yardies now, even the white lads.

[@kenmillwall1885]

Theres only a few of us left me old china

[@katelennon6869]

@@COLEEN322 Yes that's exactly what me and husband say. So sad

[@willevans429]

everyones ad it on their plates down the frog

[@Jasonskywalker653]

thank you so much. I'm watching this in Bermondsey in the year 2023 and its amazing to take in this video.

[@jerrytugable]

Thanks for the video BB. Likeothers I'm sure, it me shed a tearfor what we have lost.

[@theonlyantony]

I like the driver. Very eloquent. The docks and all industry in Britain were under-invested in. The infrastructure was allowed to become swamped and rotten. Britain wasted its Marshall Aid on far flung outposts of weepy empire. Germany, which spent wisely its fraction of what we borrowed from the U.S., kept its regional identification with industry, built roads and improved rail and thrived. And now Germany invests in renewables and doesn't mind paying a bit more for power. Britain, as usual, procrastinates and blames immigrants when frustrated by poor policy and lack of leadership gumption. People blame Thatcher. It was every government since the 30s who balked at the need for improvement, that ruined the country . Still, it's better now. eh? Know what I mean.

[@johnlewis9158]

The Surrey dockers held the world record for tonnage loaded in a day. They were literally supermen especially when you consider that i worked in Tilbury for a short while 1977 to 1979 and if a gang were to unload around a 150 ton that was considered to be a good days work and here we have these gentlemen doing between 500 and 600 ton a day unbelievable

[@borderlord]

There was a interesting BBC2 programme on how streets have changed over years/decades and they did one on Deptford ...probably similar to what happened to Bermondsey...sweeping away terraced housing and replacing them with Estates not thinking how communities are scattered and street life destroyed! Add in the demographic tsunami the change makes many areas unrecognisable...not what any Anglo Brit would aspire to live in!

[@christinecrader5495]

Just watched all the wsy through,remembering those days growing up in Rotherhithe & relating to so much on this lovely film. Times were haeder for sure ,but people appreciated things so much more back then, people had time for each other.they helped each other..children were far more inventive& independant ..& less demsnding..& I think more respective of their parents & the older generation.I wouldnt chsnge my childhood growing up in Rotherhithe..( even among the bombed sites ) for all the mod games etc of today for anything Remrbering the 1st time I went to Southwark park & seeing the Americsn swings for the 1st time ..omg what a day that was....like striking gold. Back then,all our Aunts & Unckes lived close ,as did my Nan on Brunel Rd...& seeing her every Sunday with my cousins ..so many sweet mrmories ..we were not well off ,but in memories The richest girl in the world. Great fimthanks so much for a winderful hour ..of memory lane time .🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿💕

[@vaguelyright6833]

"You will own nothing and you will be happy." Is this our future?

[@CARLIN4737]

We have everything and yet we lead soulless lives now.

[@rdshields77]

33.00 minutes in with my late Nan Eda hanging up the washing in Rouel rd Bermondsey, my late aunt Carol at the mirror getting ready to go out and my now late mum as a little girl Jennifer, the female side of the Jones family, may you all rest in peace together again with my grandad George. Love you all.

[@spencerTaylor-f5t]

The days of proper people. Staunch, characters, grafters, salt of the earth Londoners.

[@paulhayward4383]

At 900 the old lady is the only one who tells the truth..

[@willevans429]

I didnt know she was that old

[@chunkybuster7203]

These old girls went through a war or two, for what?

[@tomservo5007]

@Windsor & Epstein Babysitting Services I image all British colonies complained about their new 'visitors' too

[@MrJm323]

@@tomservo5007 "...all British colonies complained about their new 'visitors' too." The ones who enjoy electricity, modern medicine, the ability to read your comment on the internet?

[@honved1]

@@MrJm323 not many people reading the internet in 1890's bombay.

[@MrJm323]

@@honved1 ....The fact that Bombay EXISTS ...in addition to their access electricity, modern medicine, and the internet ...is thanks to the "British visitors" to their land.

[@honved1]

@@MrJm323 Thats a new one.

[@CleversonSantos]

When I was young I moved to Londo to learn English and my first job was as pizzaman, I used to deliver pizza in the south bank of the river, sometimes I thought Am I somewhere in Africa? and in east London I had the feeling I was in PK or Bangladesh...in the north I barely could listen to any English, because the language spoken there was from eastern european countries, I said to myself: -- bloody hell, where are all the English people? I think few neighbourhoods in London remais untouched, if you want to see how the british culture is, avoid London and go to the country side or you d better just watch Little Britain...

[@chownh860]

This comes from an immigrant himself.

[@royfr8136]

What you siad is very true...but if you say this people will accuse you of racism....

[@tomservo5007]

perhaps if the British didn't have a habit of collecting colonies, this wouldn't have happened

[@COLEEN322]

@@tomservo5007 Fucking bullshit, Tony Blair installed the revolving doors on our borders, now our once proud cities are unrecognisable, more like fucking Dheli or IOslamibad.

[@helem3088]

@@COLEEN322 Tony Blair? Hahaha This country has been built on successive waves of immigration. There were areas of London in the 70's and 80's where the white British were the minority. Long before Blair came to power.

[@2Sugarbears]

Wonderful. Thanks for this.

[@stellayates4227]

Lovely and fascinating documentary. I grew up in South London and later worked for the South London Press newspaper creating competitions and organising events and promotions. It was some time after the period featured but the community was the same. When I describe life then to people they do not believe me that stabbings were a rarity and would make headlines. It really has changed so much in a brief period of time.

[@willevans429]

except for the Elephant, it was fairly normal there

[@andrewmurray5542]

Maybe stabbings felt like a rarity because we just didn't hear about then as much. When i was growing up in the 1970s and 80s we only got news on the telly which was general national or international news, and the local paper - never about London. That probably gave me a false impression of crime or murder: if I didn't read about it, it wasn't happening. Murder has always happened and in fact the murder rate today in England and Wales is as it was in 1976 (9.9 per million) and is on a downward trend. It peaked in March 2003 with 17.9 murders per million. In 1970, it was 7 per million.

[@stellayates4227]

@@andrewmurray5542 Thanks for your comment but the issue with knives and stabbing incidents in South London is very noticeably different from when I grew up there. This has been very topical in recent times and often discussed with regard to the Mayor's response. Knife crime was also a rare thing among teenagers and within schools. I am not looking back without truly seeing the past for what it was. South London has changed beyond recognition and the statistics prove it but I obviously cannot speak for the rest of the UK.

[@chris-rfs]

Now south of the river like Bermondsey and Rotherhithe are now nothing like this obviously! Bermondsey is now full of rich outsiders who are the only ones that can afford to buy or rent property in the area.Rotherhithe is the same! Sad how things have actually got worse for the poor than back then!Apart from the benefits that are available now if course. But i am saying real locals can no longer afford to live here!! That is really sad! The people here were good,honest people and hard workers!!

[@bas4903]

These used to be where the true working class used to live until the rich figured out the land was cheap and kicked them further out. Happens everywhere. Even now. The working class of people here in Australia are forever being moved to housing estates further and further away from the cities

[@trevormadden4301]

The part with the Old dears singin underneath the arches while driving in and out of the arches is proper old london. Love to hear a recording of it

[@danieldorey8762]

Brilliant post , Cheers mate, great memories.👍🏻

[@illuminatedgalaxies7777.]

What an interesting little film glad I watched it thank you (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤

[@mikeyb.7759]

Guys gave me 3 of my children! Thanks Bermondsey ❤️

[@VincentComet-l8e]

Very interesting indeed! I worked in the Liverpool St. area in 1975 and, if I had only known about it then, all the amazing Georgian/Victorian warehouses & docks around the Pool and further east were laying neglected and could so easily have been explored and photographed. I do remember Tooley St. being lined with gaunt old warehouses but, of course, they’ve all now been swept away and lost forever. There are a few tantalising glimpses of the docklands in old films (The Long Memory - 1953, Murder by Decree - 1979) but I wish I knew of more. So, I never did get to explore Pickle Herring St and its environs, although at least Shad Thames is still there…

[@paddybrennan3644]

I was born in camberwell 1956 I recognize all the old streets and East lane market Used to go every Saturday morning with my mom Good looking back

[@jonhumble7199]

I wonder if someone with a driving job would still be able to comfortably support their partner and 3 kids living in Bermondsey in 2021?

[@patrickdoran1459]

God bless those excellent people, beaten down, sent to pointless for them wars, driven out of their own neighbourhoods. No cheers for the rulers of Perfidious Albion, haters of their own people. What's the song at beginning and end ? Anyone know ? Thx.

[@PerCPH2200]

Sadly, we're just hearing a small snippet - but from what I can make out of it, it appears to be a mod'ed version of "The London Boys" - and then not the one by Bowie one, but earlier. There is a 1962 pop version on YT sung by Tommy Bruce, but although the main lyrics seem to match, and also the melody, I have a feeling it is actually an even older song/melody, which then could have been re-worked for the 1962 record. Good luck finding the old version. It is a mess to search for it, because the newer Bowie song comes up all the time and also the old Music Hall song Knocked them down Old Kent Road, as well but this one says "When we're walking down the Old Kent Road" - and the lyrics found on anther website matches at least the next two lines as well.

[@patrickdoran1459]

@@PerCPH2200 Thanks for your input, greatly appreciated. I got them singing "When we're walking down the Old Kent Road" and a few more snatches/words, maybe "We are so happy (?) wherever we may go ...", couldn't catch their alternative to walking down the OKR, thought they finished by declaring themselves "We are the Bermondsey girls" but couldn't find that anywhere ... anyway thanks again.

[@louisep4805]

Not safe for kids to go off exploring nowadays. So many people in London now and so many cars compared to 1964 :((

[@mickeybigbuds]

east street market don,t look anything like this now. [sadly]

[@Isleofskye]

Cheers mate. I wasn't going to watch all of it but as I lived my first 28 years overlooking the market until I moved to Welling in 1983 I will have a look thanks to you ! :)

[@stellayates4227]

That is a shame because it was always fun to wander down there and see life around you.

[@willevans429]

definitely, only half the size, reduced to a waste of time, sadly

[@eileenmolyneaux1043]

GREAT PIECE ON MODS AND ROCKERS AND......INBETWEENSNOT INBETWEENERS😁😉i fthose who made these films only knew how important and relevant they were,,,,,class stuff!!!!

[@mickymantle3233]

Injun Territory.

[@rabbitskinner]

Grreat film thanks

[@hiliberate]

Wasn't it great having an outside toilet, no central heating, no washing machine, tin bath or public baths once a week...........etc. I'm born and bred in south east London, it's better now.

[@mauriceosullivan6832]

my friends lived with no central heating, had a tin bath and an open fire, and that was In the 80s.

[@bohsgerry]

before patois,pidgeon english-and the death of cockney slang

[@siryeetsleyiii872]

I find these videos quite upsetting..... look where we are now. Terrible.

[@ronniebiggs4026]

Your missing the point ! London now resembles Pakistan or another 3rd world shithole...Old Londoners would be appalled if they knew this fine Capital has been overtaken by foreigners 🇬🇧

[@sagefields5847]

@Chala 1 Don't worry they find the videos upsetting because they don't like foreigners, particularly black people. It doesn't matter to them that life is objectively better in every way now.

[@pepperstreet8614]

@Chala 1 When you're the minority, your culture and way of life disappears - yes, it's upsetting.

[@opinionday0079]

@@pepperstreet8614 what culture???? ..you have watched the program above I assume..... there is no culture here...there is nothing in this bleakness to miss,,,,

[@pepperstreet8614]

@@opinionday0079 ask yourself then..why do people miss it? Because there was a culture of London. You are clearly not English or riddled with self-hatred.

[@1967Rev]

gawd,i went to bingo with mum once,i dunno about making friends and having fun,all i heard was shhhhhhhh....what you bring him for,lol,oh and the language when someone else won the house,make a navvy blush,lmao,happy days!!!

[@stevev3664]

Opportunity presented to the children is whatever the bosses needed at the time. Training for their place in life to run the firms for the moneyed classes. I was born in 1952 so I grew up in these times. Alright if you had money. Not so good for the poor like my family was in Bethnal Green.

[@stevebee5840]

We were poor but happy....

[@jerrytugable]

Hands up who's spent a night in the cells, in Tooley St 😛

[@willevans429]

Hands up

[@jerrytugable]

Will Evans There was a pub round the corner in Tower Bridge Road called 'The Copper', long gone now I imagine.

[@willevans429]

@@jerrytugable didnt actually know that, I went to Bacons school on Pages walk, was on Tower bridge almost daily at lunchtime, not old enough to drink, I may have seen it but I honestly cannot remember

[@snowwhite6846]

Aww what a wonderful film …….ignore the nay sayers on here ….it was a great place to grow up…..the community spirit was fabulous sadly lacking in todays world

[@caitlinbeardsworth5645]

All this is now gone and replaced by immigrants from Every Corner of the world

[@dickiegreenleaf750]

This is how I thought london was before visiting for the first time a couple years ago. Boy was I wrong. Won’t ever visit again.

[@zivkovicable]

Good. You wont be missed.

[@Maisiewuppp]

The character and life of the people from these districts were forged together through decades of great hardship. So you are saying you hoped the people still lived like that? Why be stuck in the sixties? How was life in your neck of the woods in those days?

[@thedialectarchive5379]

18:05 Am I right in thinking a modern day cockney would say "circumstaances" with the same "a" sound as "bath" and "pass"? It sounded strange to me.

[@willevans429]

two and six for ten goes and a shilling raffle, that takes me back a bit

[@willwhittaker6130]

Golden age. Never to return.

[@chris-rfs]

Little did these lovely people know that the place i was born and still live in now has become gentrified. Only the well off and rich outsiders can now truly afford to live in Bermondsey. The indigenous population has no chance of owning a property here any more. Yes i still live here but i hate what it has become which is a place for the rich with no community.

[@nuttylivett4383]

Look how clean it was

[@coxson]

Im the age now where i find myself saying the exact same thing as they all are here. The old days where simpler, kids have got it easy etc..

[@Aquaseventytree]

16.00 That young lady who is a 'punch card operator'...can someone tell me what the job is exactly? Ta. Love this film.

[@snowwhite6846]

Making holes in cards in sequence inputing data on one of the very first computers …..the machine was huge ……punch card operator was my first job for the LEB

[@jsteere9222]

Does anyone know what those ladies are singing. Can’t quiet hear when they sing We Are The ---- Girls. Would love to know the title and the words.

[@SG-lh7up]

"we are The Bermondsey Girls..."

[@babysteps1]

Those ladies are my grandma and her sister! See my comment above for more info about the pub

[@jsteere9222]

@@babysteps1 how lovely to have all those memories rekindled. I shall watch it again with a new found interest. I was London born and bred. It’s strange to compare the pubs of today with then. All singing around the old Joanna (piano). Women would come away reeking of smoke hanging onto back combed lacquered hair for days. Thank you for your interesting reply.

[@carlteacherman194]

"Underneath the Arches, we'll dream our dreams away." Flanagan and Allen. My dad used to sing this. Notice the accent. This is not a true Cockney accent. There is even a tiny element of RP, received pronunciation. South of river accent was subtly different to the north. My aunt from Deptford and Greenwich speaks likes this.

[@ppppickup]

where would the south london accent be strongest?

[@carlteacherman194]

@@ppppickup Very difficult to say now as the demographics have changed so much. A lot of south London has been 'gentrified'.

[@hollyhocks7360]

There are hardly any white faces in Bermondsey anymore and those that are still aren’t English. I welcome multiracial people to Britain but my grand parents were from here they wouldn’t recognise it now . It doesn’t even sound like London anymore.

[@tahmineh9]

Nowhere is the same anymore.. Not London, not the village I come from up in Scotland. Now a big fancy town with too many white English hoorah Henry's coming up for golf and fishing.

[@superjohnnygamble6328]

@@tahmineh9 I live in what is supposed to be Welsh Speaking Cymru. These days you don't hear a Welsh accent let alone anyone who speaks Welsh. Yet the incomers from England complain about immigrats from outside the UK, Oh how the irony.

[@tahmineh9]

So true. Nowhere is the same anymore.

[@superjohnnygamble6328]

@@tahmineh9 I can learn to live with change but Holly Hocks shouldn't moan about other people moving in when her lot are doing exactly the same in other places.

[@tahmineh9]

@@superjohnnygamble6328 and anyway change is good !

[@stephencotton2694]

What the man was saying at the end of this sums up everything everyword he said is true if you want to feel something of the east end spirit go to Essex hornchurch romfird upminister tilbury basildon you find some of it left

[@mrpangyang5225]

Guld Blime matestroll on !

[@jrbs]

Vogans mill was in Mill Street

[@bohsgerry]

and pilanti

[@helem3088]

I'm twelve now and thank God I didn't grow up in this Shithole and to think people get misty eyed of this grey portrayal of drabness.

[@opinionday0079]

I am glad its not just me who had the same reaction...miserable pointless existence and everyone saying how great it is..... old women with nothing at all in their heads

[@flowzfn9380]

Well i am 66 lived in bermondsey all my life, born in the road i still live, growing up here was a wonderful childhood, would not move from here, and i am certain bermondsey people who moved on, some regret that move and wished they would have stayed

[@mauriceosullivan6832]

@@opinionday0079 How dare you, them old women went through wars, they kept Britain going while their husbands fought and died in world wars, these women were decent, they were the back bone of the Britain, same as the old irish, my great grandmother bought up 13 children, they had no benefits to fall back on, hard working decent people,,and you say they had nothing in their heads, I garentee you never said that too an older person, because if you did you would not be standing for long, you sound like a blagard too me, it's you who is the arrogant one, take time out and read some history books.

[@opinionday0079]

imagine living back then in a bleak miserable pointless life...... the highlight of the week ...Bingo!!! No wonder everyone went on drugs...