Spiritual Bypassing

[@liamgabriel6607]

Thanks so much Doug! I have been dealing with a lot of regret recently and this is the exact video I needed to watch. It occurred to me that instead of turning away from that regret, I can use it in a way that promotes spiritual growth. A monk at the monastery I practice at says that even if we struggle to focus or fidget during meditation, we are still in good practice because we are observing the five aggregates. We are causing no harm on sitting. So I can sit with my regret and reflect on it, and know that I am not harming anyone NOW and can continue on with these good practices even when I am not sitting. Thanks again for the great videos, I am binging them at this point. :)

[@DougsDharma]

You're very welcome Liam, thanks for watching! Yes, the monk at your monastery has good advice for you. 🙂

[@somedude2748]

You introduced me to this term in another more recent video of yours! I think this is one of the most important videos you have made, this is a huge issue in so many religious and even secular communities. I see it so regularly from people just getting into Stoicism as well many schools of Buddhism and the like. Thank you so so much for speaking on it. The path to emotional maturity is accepting the painful feelings, not denying them.

[@DougsDharma]

You’re very welcome! I can’t take credit for any of this stuff but indeed it is so important!

[@patrickcahill4396]

It is almost as if I have been self-medicating with meditation. Better that than Alcohol. This video has put a spotlight on it though, and I will attempt to address underlying issues as well as reap the benefits of meditation practice.

[@DougsDharma]

Thanks Patrick, yes I think a lot of us use meditation as a kind of drug that keeps us from looking clearly at things and confronting them, when in fact meditation should be our means of looking clearly at things, in order to confront them. Blissing out is great, but it can be a means of avoidance too, and we have to be alert to that. 🙂

[@martine2651]

Well, I must say that this one is truly mind-opening. I have not heard about the concept of spiritual bypassing before, but it makes a lot of sense. I think I can relate to that. Especially when it comes to the "numbness" mistaken for an actual positive effect of meditation. As for the necessity of facing negative states of mind when they arise, I have had trouble with some particularly strong (and honestly, disturbing) negative ones with extreme emotional charge that I am just unable to confront and analyze. I still need to work on that (it may be related to OCD, but can't tell for sure). I was hoping to eventually being able to overcome them using only meditation practice, but thanks to this video, and the one on Psychotherapy vs budddhist practice, I am starting to reconsider. I have tried regression therapy, but there is still obviously some inner conflict that I do not understand. Anyways, thanks a lot for such an honest and comprehensive video.

[@DougsDharma]

Sure Martin, glad to help!

[@michelledunford7718]

Someone brought up this concept to me last week. At first I thought I did not do it - I would say my intension along my path is to fully understand my feelings so that they will dissolve (so that inherently seems like not spiritual bypass). I mainly do a breathing focus practice in formal meditation and an emptiness practice in as many moments in the day as I can. But then yesterday, I was reminded that I don't really practice being in the moment (like feeling my fingers do a task). When doing emptiness practice, I feel like I cannot ignore my feelings because my feelings get in the way of the emptiness focus practice - so when I get a feeling I have to first do Internal Family Systems or dependent origination focus/recognition then can go back to emptiness focus. BUT with being in the moment, I found that I was pushing away feelings and because of the focus on the moment it was easy to push away these feelings and not have them come back. Headspace when training for the emptiness practice, mentioned having to do it in good and bad and neutral parts of your day - so implying that if you do it all the time you are reducing your likelihood of spiritually bypassing as you are not only doing it in the negative times of your day. So this in the moments practice seems mor like spiritual bypass for me. Different note - Sometimes I have small thoughts, "like I don't understand Buddhism" and I don't do Internal Family Systems or dependent origination thought, but instead just say "that is a belief". Then that feeling goes away because I agree it is a belief and not a belief that I need to focus on. As it is a small thought/feeling and I can make it go away by recognizing it as a belief/craving/aversion is that understanding it (on a really short timescale), or is that spiritual bypass as I am essentially discounting that small belief?

[@DougsDharma]

It's hard to say for sure, Michelle. These kinds of detailed questions are probably best left to a meditation teacher who sees and interacts with you regularly and gets to know how it all works for you. That said, it may be that this practice of emptiness you mention (for example) just isn't right for you at certain times. Then you may decide it would be better to switch to a different practice. As to the small thoughts or feelings you mention at the end, I'd suggest paying attention to what happens when you recognize them. Do they go away? Do they persist? Do they come back? If they keep coming back then there may need to be more work done in acknowledging and investigating them. Or it may just be that patience is necessary, things do take time. Again, it's hard to say for sure from my angle. 😊

[@michelledunford7718]

@@DougsDharma thank you Doug. Good insight. You have an amazing day. Be well!

[@naamablatman-thomas8055]

This is so useful, thank you so much. And thank you for this channel in general. I'm going through an extremely difficult time in my marriage and taking on a lot of personal work, which is truly enriched and enabled by your channel. I truly appreciate it.

[@DougsDharma]

You're very welcome Naama! Best to you in getting through a difficult time. 🙏

[@ZenRoseGarden]

YASSS!! All spiritual teachers should be bringing this to the light!

[@DougsDharma]

Thanks a lot Zen Rose Garden, glad you liked it!

[@mystique-1337]

"Man is neither beast nor angel, but when he tries to act the angel he brings forth the beast." Pascal

[@Queenie-the-genie]

Really great talk AND the numerous edits are difficult to get through. Best, I think, to just listen which I will do while working around the house today. I love a good dharma talk and yours are always supurb. 💛

[@DougsDharma]

Thanks Regina, sorry about the edits, this was a pretty early video of mine ... hopefully they're getting better ...!

[@rufushume8910]

I think one of the main reasons for spiritual bypassing is identifying with where we are instead of the direction we are heading in. There is a reason it is called skillful behavior: it takes practice to develop. No matter how much effort we apply it takes time. The Buddha himself once said something to the effect that: "Others focused on what they had accomplished. I focused on what I had yet to accomplish."

[@DougsDharma]

Yes indeed Rufus. There can also be identification with where we are: the ego getting in the way and taking credit for ... too much.

[@simonebbesson2318]

Rufus Hume or Doug's Secular Dharma, what do you mean with identifying with where you are Instead of the direction we are heading in, when it comes to spiritual bipassing? I just want to clear up some confusion for myself. In my head at the moment, it says "you shouldn't identify yourself with where you are at this moment in life" but In the direction you're heading in, in life". Is this a misunderstanding on my part? Would be thankful for an answer :)

[@What-v7k]

Thank you...this helped. I struggle with this daily. In awareness I see the situation being created in my mind and I am a lot more forgiving and compassionate of some past hurts "caused" by others or so my mind makes it out to be. I am angry but the anger gets seen and soon another thought takes over - when not aware I get so caught up in the story that I start getting upset at someone in my mind and then feel guilty that I lost my awareness. Every minute with my consciousness and unconsciousness is humbling.

[@DougsDharma]

Yes welcome to the club Tada. The mind is a crazy thing sometimes. It helps first just to understand that this is the case, and then open up to its craziness so as to begin to untangle the tangle.

[@rgilmour70]

Very interesting! I'd never heard of spiritual bypassing before, but I'm pretty sure I've done it. For me, the line between Buddhist detachment and depressive apathy is sometimes clear only in hindsight.

[@DougsDharma]

Thanks Ron, yes I think it’s something most all of us have gotten ourselves into from time to time. The line is very thin.

[@robr2303]

u can actually have "buddhist detachment" and "depressive apathy" at the same time. They are two different things. Practicing Buddhism isn't a cure for clinical depression. But Buddhism can help to improve a person's life.

[@soterobahia]

Thanks Doug! The way you presented the subject is very Clear and helpful. It seems that I ‘m seeing it here in my hometown in BRASIL!

[@DougsDharma]

That's great to hear Federico Cezário, nice to have viewers in Brasil! 🙏😀

[@davidmyokai852]

What is healthy or not healthy? Like you said: be aware of who you are, and how much you can care.

[@DougsDharma]

🙏

[@petrairene]

Spiritual bypassing works just the same as drinking to not feel feelings, being a workoholic to not feel feelings, being addicted to shopping or gambling to not feel feelings, getting an eating disorder to not feel feelings. It's the use of spiritual beliefs or mental techniques to suppress feelings and mental content that you thing shouldn't be there.

[@DougsDharma]

Exactly so petrairene.

[@ConexionHumanaOficial]

Thanks a lot. Lotus for you. Evangelina Cortes.

[@DougsDharma]

You’re very welcome Evangelina, thanks for watching!

[@markusmarsmusic]

Thank you.

[@DougsDharma]

My pleasure, Markus!

[@blackhand1818]

"A kinder,stress free world@ is spiritual bypassing. Not that you need to LOOK for stress or the opposite of kindness. But with out that tension you wont grow.

[@DougsDharma]

Well we may be able to make use of suffering and stress in our lives, as a spur to pursue a path of betterment. But that's not to say that trying to live a life of less suffering is spiritual bypassing. Indeed, the only way to pursue such a life is not to involve oneself in spiritual bypassing: by confronting one's problems and issues head-on and not pretending they aren't there we can overcome them and the pointless stress they bring about.

[@yanaakasha6217]

I find meditation especially samadhi can act like a sedatives esoeciallybwhen dine intensively in solitary...its like you are in a padded room...The problem is when the Samadhi starts to wear off cause you stopped meditating as intensively and now all the things you supressed is bubbling up full force...rhe way i deal with ut is through practicing forgiveness and really feeling it and acceptance which leads to Letting Go. Spiritual Bypassing feels like escapism it only works when you stay high.

[@DougsDharma]

Yes, important to get in touch with those feelings so they aren’t just being suppressed.

[@orinlangley3383]

Good talk! I like the videos where you're outdoors. :)

[@DougsDharma]

Yes thanks! Glad you like them, it's a bit more complicated to do them outside and the weather often doesn't really cooperate but I do them when I can. 😀

[@garynaccarto8636]

When somebody is simply just uttering spiritual/inspirational phrases and then meanwhile that same person is not really making any effort to either analyze there own feelings or the feelings of others. Thats basically what spiritual bypassing is.

[@DougsDharma]

Thanks Gary, that’s definitely one example of it!

[@michigandersea3485]

This is a very difficult question--who is to judge whether the solace gained by meditation is healthy or unhealthy? Spirituality of all forms has long been a source of solace in times of suffering. Sometimes we are going to get over a particular issue or situation, and other times the problem is intractable. And how do we judge which is, and which isn't? While psychotherapy, and modern medicine in general aims first to cure issues once and for all, I question how often this is possible in this highly unideal world. It can be better to care for someone who is suffering than to go straight to attempting to cure, says Ajahn Brahm. I have been struggling with mental health challenges (depression and anxiety) since I was a teenager, and am in my mid-30s. There has been no cure, just different ways of caring for myself to be better. Any apparent cure has only been temporary, and that includes effects from meditation and Buddhist philosophy, but I keep on for the sake of my own happiness and that of my family.

[@dianeibsen5994]

I didn't know there was such a thing as secular buddism? I would like to learn more about this. I appreciate the disinformation very well said I liked all your examples as well we're very helpful. Not going into certain stores if you feel like you're going to over spend and example of dr. Spock. I experienced this in a spiritual community that I was involved in😞 It happens ALOT.

[@DougsDharma]

Yes, unfortunately it does happen. Secular practice is simply a focus on this life and setting aside speculative ideas about future lives or supernatural powers and qualities.

[@michaelwinkler7841]

I agree almost full, I think what you described in the end can also be spiritual bypassing and avoidance of reality, I don‘t think the destination exists like this

[@DougsDharma]

Yes it's something to be aware of and try to avoid.

[@oregondude9411]

This is really interesting and important to Buddhism. It sounds similar to the Jungian concept of the shadow. If you run from your shadow, which is your past evil, unhealthy, thoughts, feelings, and actions, you won't attain wisdom and enlightenment, otherwise known as maturing, self improvement.

[@DougsDharma]

Interesting! Thanks A Ahlquist!

[@nickscurvy8635]

I wonder about this stuff a bit. I actually had an experience last night where I was ruminating about someone who was difficult and I was thinking very mean and toxic things about her. I eventually caught myself and told myself "yes she was mean to you and unjust to you. That's terrible, and it sucks. It does not give you an excuse to commit to hate against the poor woman in your mind". And then I started doing the metta loving kindness mantra with her specifically in mind. I have no idea if this is repressive or "mature". I do know that it reminded me I have so much yet to learn and practice.

[@DougsDharma]

Yes it really depends on the case, and it's hard to say. I think that it helps to spend some time just with the more difficult emotions, seeing them for what they are and not trying to make them go away. That way we're not bypassing it all. Then once they begin to abate a little maybe we can use metta in a way that won't be so repressive.

[@nickscurvy8635]

@@DougsDharma that's true. Often times I overcompensate as I am someone who has tendency in the past to dwell very heavily within negative emotions and have to some regard built an identity around them or identify strongly with them.

[@afanasibushmanov7463]

This comment is related to the other comment that I wrote to you in your other video. Like I said in the comments section of that video, it seems like a lot of Buddhist teachings promote spiritual bypassing to some degree. I even feel like "guarding the sense doors" is a form of spiritual bypassing. Like you, I actually noticed that I was numbing my intense emotions during meditation. I just didn't know that "spiritual bypassing" was the proper term for it. That's why I said in my post that I think the better way to deal with situations like these is to vent. When I said vent, I meant having a conversation with someone about the issue. I've also vented in different ways such as going for a run or even confronting the issue head on. I never really had any luck with spiritual bypassing because the negative emotion would just keep coming back to me. I would temporarily remove the thought during formal meditation practice for example, but the thought would keep coming back to me after the formal meditation was over. That's actually the reason why I wrote that comment to you and I basically asked you for suggestions on how to avoid spiritual bypassing. I knew that I was spiritually bypassing negative emotions even though I didn't know that "spiritual bypassing" was the proper term for what I was experiencing.

[@DougsDharma]

Thanks Afanasi, you raise a number of very important questions that are hard to answer because they depend on each individual case. This can be why finding a good teacher can be helpful, since they will know your individual circumstance. If you find this kind of bypassing a problem generally though then it may also help finding a good psychotherapist: they are trained in figuring out these kinds of issues too. I will have a video coming up where I discuss psychotherapy and spiritual practice. Guarding the sense doors is not really spiritually bypassing, although it is related. Spiritual bypassing is failing to deal with powerful emotions when they arise, but rather pretending that they aren't arising. Guarding the sense doors is refraining from putting oneself into situations where unskillful reactions may arise. But guarding the sense doors isn't any use if one is not working on the underlying issues that makes the unskillful emotions arise in those situations ...

[@afanasibushmanov7463]

Doug's Secular Dharma that makes sense. Thanks for clearing that up.

[@DougsDharma]

Glad to help, Afanasi.

[@Daniel-Strain]

Wonderful!

[@DougsDharma]

Thanks Daniel! 🙏

[@lechous]

Omg I’ve been mediating for 5 years and the side effect is that I’m calm and peaceful. I also got out of an emotionally abusive relationship around the same time. I wonder if I’ve been blocking my emotions. Curious.

[@DougsDharma]

Well, if the question arises for you, it might be something to investigate. 🙏🙂

[@wallaosirus]

Hi Doug. If I may clarify something; whilst I believe I'm getting the general idea of spiritual bypassing, how does that work to the idea of meditation - particularly mindfulness meditation - as a means of claiming the mind? I use mindfulness meditation to help settle anxiety on a regular basis, and that by definition calms my mood. Similarly, in other videos - including your video on escaping the thought trap - you speak about using mindfulness to lessen ruminative thinking. Could that not be construed as spiritual bypassing? Many thanks.

[@DougsDharma]

It’s a good question C.J. I can only speak from my own experience which is that we have to legitimately confront and acknowledge painful or problematic mental states to be able to deal with them effectively. Mindfulness meditation isn’t properly practiced by pretending that such difficult mental states don’t exist in us. We see them and acknowledge them if they are present, and having done so calming the mind becomes easier. This is a long process though, and can’t be thought of as something that happens directly, particularly for difficult or deep emotions. Such an awareness can also help us not to bypass.

[@wallaosirus]

@@DougsDharma I think I understand; the main point being 'don't use meditation as a band aid whilst avoiding to explore the deeper issue in some manner'?

[@zellamaestro]

I was wondering if you have any advice about this: I'm finding it a little confusing to me that to practice mindfulness meditation, the idea is that when something pops into your head, for example ruminating about situations you need to take care of that day, you're supposed to allow it to be there, but reel your mind back in to the breath. But we also want to face the emotions, worries, etc., and allow them to be there, yet still reel our minds away from those things? Doesn't that kind of repress those things? I don't know how to deal with that, because it seems almost like a contradiction. Do you have any advice? This is the #1 thing I struggle with understanding when it comes to meditation.

[@DougsDharma]

Well a lot depends on the quality of mind with which you hold these difficult thoughts. If you react angrily by pushing them away and retreating to the breath, that's not very beneficial in the longer term. If instead you welcome them, acknowledge them for what they're saying (e.g., "I'm upset about XYZ") and then softly and kindly move yourself back to the breath, that can be I think a more beneficial approach, one that's not repressing the emotions, since they've been acknowledged. Then when they return, and return, and return, you do the same thing. This also gives great insight into the quality of your mind during the sit. The point isn't to have "a good mind" but to *know* what kind of mind you have. (I may do a video on this ... 🙂).

[@zellamaestro]

@@DougsDharma Thanks, Doug. I think this helps a bit. I've been trying to simply make a non-judgmental note about those things as they pop into my head, but I wonder still if that's somehow bottling up my emotions, feelings, thoughts by not interacting with them and sort of just dismissing them by going back to the breath. I wonder if there are good techniques for looking closer at these emotions non-judgmentally rather than just making quick acknowledgements of them and then dismissing them so to speak. I'd love if you did a video on this to discuss it even further! I find your videos really helpful!

[@stevenkok1926]

There is a line of light for you in the old testament. God helps those who help themselves firstly. Is already good enough for your practice and why looking here and there for more knowledge.

[@DougsDharma]

From the Mahāparinibbāna Sutta: "live with yourself as an island, yourself as a refuge, with no other refuge, with the Teaching as an island, the Teaching as a refuge, with no other refuge."

[@redwingsfan3621]

I would think even a (secular) Buddhist would be in favor of spiritual bypassing. The mainstream media says to avoid it so that tells me it’s really a good idea.

[@DougsDharma]

🤔

[@redwingsfan3621]

@@DougsDharma kzbin.info/www/bejne/p6uQh6Foh5yqZrM

[@ChrisFP2]

This is great stuff.

[@DougsDharma]

Thanks Chris!

[@arjunjain5714]

How to recover from Spiritual bypassing?

[@DougsDharma]

Mindfulness first. We need to see what we are avoiding.

[@arjunjain5714]

@@DougsDharma Thank you so much Doug. Healing and Spirituality can be such a confusing space for beginners. Id be happy if you can tell me, does it ever end?

[@robr2303]

I think it's a poor term. Anything can be used to bypass. Work, religion, spirituality, alcohol, drugs.It's not hard to see when your using something to escape problems in life rather than face them.

[@DougsDharma]

Sure, there are many ways to engage in psychological bypassing.

[@craigheidgerken236]

Anyone that found this interesting may enjoy reading “Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism” by Chogyam Trungpa.

[@DougsDharma]

I have a separate video on that topic: kzbin.info/www/bejne/mYSrfKZ8d96ng5I

[@Lact01]

P