Stay Or Go - One expat describes why he is finally leaving Japan after 20 years

[@stopato5772]

I am returning after 20 years absence. For food, water, bike rides, cheaper farms, the wife's oldies.

[@mmm-kh1od]

I like how you walk and talk. It keeps me interesting. Stay or go is probably a question all foreigners being asked by others or asking themselves. It was nice to listen to who have made their minds about the decision. Thank you for the video!

[@Exjapter]

Thank you for your comment! Yes, it is a question we all struggle with from time to time.

[@glennoc8585]

The economy and progressive feel about Japan has gone now. I was an English conversation teacher in 1998 and it was very high tech. When I've revisited over the years I've tried to get out of Tokyo and Chiba prefecture. I still enjoy Japan but Other Asian countries have risen up now so much to even pass Japan on certain points.

[@Exjapter]

I agree to a point. It has certainly fallen behind in tech, as Japan Inc has largely rested on its laurels for too long with a lot of information age innovation passing it by. That being said, I feel like the winds are changing with the current generation - in just over the 12 years I have taught at university the students coming in over more recently are overachieving compared to 10 years ago when many students were just partying through uni to get it over with.

[@vintageb8]

@@Exjapter surely the new wave of students are immigrants or children of immigrants?

[@Mwoods2272]

So easy to spot English teachers in Japan.

[@Exjapter]

LoL, we sure look it here.

[@YugaKurita]

Good luck Matt. Hope everything's going well in Canada now.

[@Exjapter]

He is my friend, I really hope for his success.

[@ecmxpa]

I leave Japan in two weeks after almost four years of living in the Kanto area. First and foremost, I will always cherish my time here. I'll come back to America as a changed person, perhaps for the better, as I've learned from a culture that is almost the polar opposite of my own. There is beautiful nature, futuristic cities, arguably the best public transportation system in the world that enables you to go just about anywhere without a car, and a history that stretches back thousands of years. However what has really driven me to leave this country and, moreover, not stay long-term, is the by-the-book way things are done here, an uncompromisingly homogeneous culture, Stone Age-era economic and social policies, and more recently, the bungling of the COVID-19 and Olympics situation. I was ALTing but it really broke me down, having to come to work in a building full of schoolchildren who are potential vectors for coronavirus every day. It really affected my mental health, and to me that is a dealbreaker. Now whether or not others want to stay or leave is up to them for certain. They may have very good reasons for staying and are better suited than me to Japanese society. I also haven't written off coming back, but if I do, it won't be to join the traditional workforce, but to be able to work from home and live life on my terms, not someone elses. I wish Matt luck in Canada! I can't imagine starting a family in Japan and deciding to move back overseas. I hope her family took the news well and your kids can put this experience in a strange new land to good use!

[@Exjapter]

Amazing comment, thank you for sharing. I feel you about the Olympics and Covid. If I hadnt set down the roots I have, I would maybe be reconsidering things at this point. I wish you the best of luck for your return to N. America and I hope you are able to take Japan on your own terms in the future.

[@Mr196710]

This didn't age well.

[@TangiblesTracker]

They both sound Canadian. ExJapTer, you are Canadian or lived in Canada at all?

[@Exjapter]

Haha, no. Maybe I was sympathetically mirroring him?

[@modtomodern]

I am a Canadian woman and from my experience of living there over 10 years, I saw that most guys get chick pregnant, usually a student, and get stuck there. Then a mid life crisis hits and they want to get out. But, it is really hard to assimilate back into the home country though. especially without transferable skills. The wife will always run her house like a Japanese so she will not assimilate at all. So the lesson here is always use birth control, always have a plan and always be ready to bail like I did. And girls, don't marry a shmoo who doesn't plan ahead.

[@Exjapter]

While it certainly is the case that some men (and sometimes women) get trapped because of a relationship, I have to say I do not know anyone personally, nor even second hand through people I know, who has gotten a student pregnant. I have trouble believing that that is all that common.

[@stopato5772]

Interesting general viewpoint I was a student of a Japanese Uni when I meet my future wife, and this is not the way it went for us. She was not a student. My Japanese wife was working overseas, and I followed her away from Japan. I quickly adjusted my life plan to accommodate her work focus.. Since starting our family life we have lived in Japan, Australasia and Europe so certainly not stuck. I totally avoided any white colour job when in Japan and did a hard-graft craft-job for 5 years so my skills are solidly transferable. As for re-assimilation - it was hard pulling out of Japan for me, not her as she was disliked the summers.. Japan is super convenient, polite, peaceful. European small towns in the past 15 years have become more multicultural, modern and opportunity is everywhere a morning sun rises. What I notice about Japan is decay in the built environment, and wasteful investing into tacky things that don't age well. I often visit Amsterdam, Frankfurt and these cities are comfortably green and getting better housing. TIP: Plan ahead as an international couple to own your own place without heavy debt ASAP then enjoy your nest and your jobs. You will always miss your parents not being close.

[@Exjapter]

@@stopato5772 a lot of good advice and thank you for your story. In my case I met my wife through the classic scenario of a night out with mutual friends, and I asked her on a date. We lived one year in Japan together and then 3 years in the US. It was really me who brought us back to Japan, she would have been fine with staying in the US, but my career path of trying to teach at Japanese uni meant that was our best option.

[@modtomodern]

@@Exjapter I meant that language schools are the places that some men meet their adult future partners.

[@Exjapter]

@@modtomodern ah, I can see that likely happens. I do know a couple of guys who dated a language school student, but in their cases they ended up marrying someone else. (One married a friend of the student he dated...)

[@ducsue751]

Yes, I come to realize this question will always be in back of all foreigner's mind at some point in time. It certainly have for me after living in Jp for 10+ years. If one would ask me why do you want to leave Jp, I would have to say I missed my old way of life in the states I cannot do here. I am much like your friend there. Have a Japanese wife and 1 son. No car though, but I do have a Japanese driver's license and do drive every now and then my in-law's car.

[@Mr196710]

Don't come back as the U.S. is about to die. I lived in Japan for 7 years and will be retiring to Okinawa in 6 years if it is allowed.

[@hawaiigirl3415]

So what part of Canada did he go back to? It’s been 7 months. . . I’d be curious to hear what kind of job he got to support his family. I hear it’s pretty expensive to live in Canada especially in cities like Vancouver, Ottawa or Toronto. I understand that he wants his children to be bilingual and is willing to give up a stable income, an affordable place to live and a car. If I were him, I’d be afraid to give all that up and go home just so that my kids could be bilingual both in English and Japanese . Housing, food and insurance are expensive, and with the pandemic, unemployment is an all time high. Unless I was a doctor, lawyer, engineer or had a job in finance (or worked at Pearl Harbor), I wouldn’t make it. I’d have to live off my family. There would be no way I’d able to afford and own a place of my own, trips to the mainland or the neighbor islands or even private school. Good luck to him. I hope he makes it. Seems like a nice family man.

[@Exjapter]

I will see if I can get him to reply to this. Thanks for your comment, and I echo your sentiments. I wouldnt have the guts to move right in the middle of the pandemic... but maybe that is smart considering times might get really good post lockdowns.

[@702TifosiGambler]

My Japanese wife and I left Japan few months ago for good, Japan going backwards and being passed by other developed countries we’ll be in America for the long haul

[@Exjapter]

Thank you for your comment. Can you give any more details on what drove your decision. I am interested.

[@ruhtraomuyap3396]

Hmmm. How about foreigners retired and still living in Japan. I wanna hear people experiences about this.

[@Exjapter]

Thats a great interview idea. I know some people close to retirement, but must admit I dont know anyone who is already.

[@SwissTanuki]

@@Exjapter look me up in 15 years since I'm planning to move to Japan with my Japanese wife from Switzerland for retirement 😉 life is a lot cheaper there and the food is way better. Although I'll miss the cheese.

[@Exjapter]

@@SwissTanuki best of luck! Besides my family in the States, Cheese is the only thing I miss, too.

[@SwissTanuki]

@@Exjapter yeah...family and friends will be a problem. We'll see if we really going but I can feel that my wife is looking forward to it and I don't mind. As a Swiss, Switzerland is the perfect country for me but it's also very expensive. Japan would be around 30% cheaper which would be nice to my pension. Also culturally I feel it's not that different. (Of course it's different but not like USA to Japan).

[@skygrey7237]

It would be horrible for the kids to make them move as a preteen or teens to Canada. They will be discriminated in Canada. Better to stay in Japan for now until they reach college.

[@Exjapter]

I think I will leave it to Matt to respond to this comment if he wants. Thanks for watching!

[@haraldodunkirk1432]

Nahhhh, maybe some adjustment pains but Canada is very welcoming.

[@James-yl3kk]

You're not even allowed to do this with UK now, need to have job with certain salary level in order to bring a spouse.

[@Exjapter]

The rules are changing constantly it seems, and becoming more strict. The difference in the US now vs when my wife got her Green Card are....well, it's just completely different.

[@koichiando3500]

I will say it’s so easy to spot Canadians. They are a delightful and nice group of foreigners. But some Yankees are nice also.

[@Exjapter]

Haha, thanks for that. I hope I am one of the good ones...

[@gordonbgraham]

I think it would be far more difficult to raise children to be bilingual in Canada as there is almost no opportunity to use Japanese in Canada whereas there are plenty of opportunities to use English in Japan, including in school where they study English 5 days a week in jr. high school and high school. Besides, Japanese requires a tonne of rote learning in order to develop and maintain the ability to write because of its complex writing system. There's little chance kids will maintain the necessary drill work required to develop their writing skills in Canada, especially if they haven't (like this guy's kids) been able to develop their English skills in Japan. For foreign kids to become bilingual in Japan it requires parents to put in the time and effort to not only speak English with them but to teach them phonics from a young age and follow up with reading and writing tasks as well as having discussions that develop their analytical skills. This would be even more essential in a country where their is literally no usage of the target language...and in a language that has as complex a writing system as Japanese. I have two kids, one in jr. high school and the other in high school. Both are fluent in both Japanese and English. The main reason for this is the time I put in to ensure that happened. I highly doubt my kids could have achieved fluency in Japanese had I moved to Canada. I know of a few mixed couples who have moved back to Canada. Their kids no longer speak any Japanese.

[@Exjapter]

These are all good points. I don't want to speculate as to his family life and how much effort his wife will put into keeping the children's Japanese levels up to par while in Canada, but I wish them the best of luck. The children are old enough now that their current Japanese levels will not likely atrophy that much, although their abilities to read and write kanji will undoubtedly suffer without serious continued diligence which may or may not happen. So aside from reading/writing, I think there is a fair chance they will come out of this bilingual in spoken language at least. If all his kids were much younger than I could see their Japanese falling by the wayside, but that's probably not the case here.

[@gordonbgraham]

@@Exjapter Certainly, if his kids are old enough, then they should be able to maintain their Japanese speaking ability to an extent, meaning their thoughts and ability to express themselves in Japanese will be at a rudimentary level. If, for example, one is a 6th grade elementary school student, then sophisticated conversations about the economy or politics will be beyond their grasp, etc. They will have the vocabulary and analytical perspective of a 6th grade elementary school student. Once, they can navigate their daily lives in English in Canada, there will no longer be any use for them to use Japanese, other than in the home. Upon arrival all of their efforts will be focused on acquiring the necessary English they need to navigate their daily lives. Japanese study will take a back seat. As they acquire the necessary English ability it will become less and less natural for them to use Japanese and eventually they will default to English even in the home, the more natural language for them...despite their mother's efforts to maintain Japanese in the home. I love Canada, it is "my home and native land". I think his kids will love it, too. I hope the transition will be smooth for them. I'm sure they will not regret the move. Cheers!

[@Mwoods2272]

How can an English teacher in Japan not teach English to his own kids?

[@Mwoods2272]

@@gordonbgraham I agree with you, my mother was Japanese, father, American. We lived in Japan but eventually moved to the US and I can't speak Japanese because we spoke English everywhere and didn't speak Japanese at all.

[@Exjapter]

@@Mwoods2272 it seems like a no-brainer but actually there are a number of reasons that happens. For instance, you dont have the same relationship with your children that you have with students and linguistically children are more influenced by their peers than by their parents, to name two common ones.

[@kirakira1212]

For a country struggling to keep their fertility rate up, they sure love making it harder or more expensive to raise kids in the country..

[@Exjapter]

There do seem to be a number of obstacles that quite honestly could be solved with a little motivation to do so.

[@hawaiigirl3415]

I totally disagree. As a single mother with two kids, I find it much easier to raise kids here than back home. Child care is soooooo much more affordable than America. When my boys were small, I paid a third of the price my brother pays for his kid to go to preschool. The price I paid included two snacks and lunch made on site. Plus if I needed, the day care was open on a Saturday’s and they could watch my boys for NO additional price if I had to work on the weekend. There are a lot of other benefits provided by either the city or the Japanese government.. My insurance covers 70 percent when my boys go to the doctors and the city covers an additional 20 percent I end up paying only 10 percent for their doc visits and for their meds if needed. This added city insurance benefit also includes hospital stays and trips to the dentist and eye doctor as well. I’ve heard in the neighboring city, they pay as much as 30 percent so all doc visits and meds are free. The government also has a thing called kodomo tetate. Families who have children get cash payments from the government every three months. All these benefits that I have mentioned are not afforded to me because I am a single mom, but because the nation’s 10 precent GET tax pays for it.

[@Exjapter]

@@hawaiigirl3415 great post. All of those things are true and make a huge difference. Day care costs will vary of course, but basically free medical care is a huge plus. The kodomo teate is a bit of a scam because it replaced a tax deduction that was worth more, but it is still a plus. The problem arises when the kids are older when things like juku start which is usually about ¥100,000/month and as high school is not compulsory here parents I know are paying about 20grand a year to send their kids to HS. We can enjoy lower expenses while they are young it seems, but that party ends eventually.

[@hawaiigirl3415]

@@Exjapter Both of my boys attend private school and they both go to juku (a pretty well known one). I pay less than a 100000 yen a month for both tuition and monthly juku expenses for both of my boys. My oldest one will go to a national jr high/high school which will be free starting next month. Perhaps the people you know are paying 20 grand for high school because it is private? Prefectural and national high schools don’t cost that much and are close to free. There are also more affordable private high schools out there... I don’t know... compared to back home, public education is not so good. Many spend as much as 25 to 30 grand on tuition to send their kids to private school (at least for the good ones). Compound that with a huge mortgage and living expenses while trying to save for college. Sorry.... but I still have to say that living here is cheaper. I can afford to give my boys a decent lifestyle and education all on a single salary.

[@Exjapter]

@@hawaiigirl3415 I am not saying you are wrong about your circumstances, but it is still true that even public high schools cost over 5grand a year, not counting uniform and juku, as opposed to almost free in the states. In Tokai area at least competition is fierce so attending private school is considered much better. I have to ask, how do you spend less than 1000 for private tuition and juku for two kids? There are no private schools anywhere near that cheap where we live. Maaaybe if that number was per child.

[@dyland7977]

If they live in Japan why do they need to speak English? Is this really a good reason to leave. I assume this man speaks fluent Japanese after living in Japan for 20 years.

[@Exjapter]

Fair question.

[@ryandenki]

I always assumed English teachers were mostly in their mid-20s. Is it common for people do the work long-term?

[@Exjapter]

It happens at all levels, but like the two of us it is more common for those teaching in Japan after their 20s to be at universities.

[@drakelondon6849]

If they have no other skills, they are trapped as English teachers. That is why they stay so long in Japan. Just imagine this guy: what kind of job could he possibly get in Canada? They don't need English conversation teachers there. I hope his mom's basement has enough space!

[@KantoCafe715]

@@drakelondon6849 or if anyone moves to the UK , good luck with the zero hour contracts in ANY industry, which luckily don’t tend to exist in Japan. By your judgy response , I take it there are no issues with unemployment and zero hour contracts in Canada?

[@camella1978]

Reasons given were vague.

[@silkroad3442]

There was no solid reason why moving back

[@Exjapter]

In all honesty I didnt understand it either, but he is my friend so I respected his decision. It seems to have worked out, they seem to be happy now in Canada.

[@jdg6336]

why did you do this walking around on the street?

[@Exjapter]

I think it is more interesting to see Japan daily life and cityscape going on behind us rather than just sitting in a room. The only interviews I have done inside was when there was no other choice.

[@pompommania]

Is it fair though to uproot his children and Japanese wife away from their Japanese family? I think it's something to consider. Culturally elders are taken care of by the families. Is it so bad that his kids dont speak English in a country where the language is Japanese and not English..

[@Exjapter]

Those are very fair questions. I will ask him directly as this video is about his decision.

[@paulipaoli7956]

In terms of wealth, Japan is equal or even richer than western countries. But people tend to forget that culturally, it's not a western country and probably never will be.

[@senior.danzig]

No lasting cultural revolution or racial / sexual reckoning. How could it

[@aguswisnu6179]

Can't find my previous comment 🤷🏻‍♂️ (why) was it deleted?

[@Exjapter]

What was it? KZbin has messed with my comments section before. I didn't personally delete it.

[@aguswisnu6179]

@@Exjapter sorry it was another video 🙏 comments still there

[@justinkrann7406]

Those kids are too young they will lose their Japanese very quick in Canada. Better to go when they are in their 20’s. after completing the highschool level kanji and grammar.

[@jdg6336]

tenga shop!

[@Exjapter]

Was there one? lol

[@jamescorbett5729]

The interviewer seems slightly smug. Not having a plan is how the other guy got to twenty years.

[@Exjapter]

I am not sure I understand your comment. This didn't "happen" to anyone- Matt had wanted to move back for years now, found it harder to leave than he thought, and finally took the plunge.

[@jamescorbett5729]

@@Exjapter You came across like this guy was somehow strange or funny because he had taken so long to make his mind up. I suspect that eventually you will be in the same position as your friend.

[@Exjapter]

Interesting - that may be the case. It has been a running joke amongst Matt's friends that no matter how much he talked he was never going to leave. As for me, I always say I am in Japan 'indefinitely' because I have no plans to leave Japan, but that doesn't mean I rule it out. I do know that I don't currently share his motivations.

[@ignacioduran5993]

I wish they hadn't done this while walking. So annoying.

[@Exjapter]

Interviews are tougher to pull off when walking, it's true, but that's kind of the feature of the channel. I want viewers to actually see regular Japanese life happening in the background, rather than 2 people sitting in a room, with maybe some stock footage put here and there.

[@desert-fax-only]

I personally like this. Did you get an update from Matt yet?

[@Mureirsa]

i prefer it, thank you for doing it this way@@Exjapter

[@matiasdelgado7011]

And japanese lesbian and bisexual girls loves have dating american, spanish, italian, or french gals? A great mistery.

[@Exjapter]

I don't know, lol