Steiner Scout Squad vs the Draconis Combine Assassionation Team

#Battletech #BattletechHistory #BattletechLore
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FURTHER DISCLAIMER:
TEX TALKS BATTLETECH is a fan-based parody/attempt at education for a setting that deserves much love. Battletech, Mechwarrior, and all other material are owned by CGL, Topps, Tornante, PGI, their various subsidiaries and a million shareholders (though not harmony gold, fuck those guys). No challenge to their ownership status is being made or intended by the creation of this work. Battletech is owned by the company, but the fanbase is what keeps it alive. Let us hope they forgive us for what fun we have.
Tex Talks Battletech is a semi-serious take on Battletech, its setting, lore, and history in an attempt to bring people into one of the greatest franchises ever envisioned and should not in any way represent the official stance of any corporation, conglomerate, megacorp, holding company, or cartel which currently owns the franchise. Tex Talks Battletech is in no way affiliated with the official work of CGL, TOPPS, Tornante, PGI or their work and it would be best said that they are largely unaware of what we do and in no way acknowledge or encourage our projects.
TL;DR: this is the opinion of one guy who loves a setting, and is dead-set on bringing it to everyone who cares to hear about it.

[@Servellion]

The Draconis Combine would later attempt this trick again, only replacing the Atlas with an Akuma. This would later backfire as the Akuma was eventually revealed to be Fredereich's Atlas wearing a large halloween mask.

[@rb4863]

Ok this comment got me to laugh out loud. Take your damn like

[@robertnogva]

If we get that as an actual follownup video I will be immensely happy

[@SVOddball]

Fredereich is truly a fearsome and sneaky pilot.

[@robertivey7644]

The truely Ironic part is Kurita actually makes a decent Atlas.

[@combativeThinker]

@@robertivey7644 The 7K is no joke. Would prefer 2 AMS, personally.

[@nicedayright4064]

I mean, getting into the lineup for the team they want to send after you is legitimately impressive.

[@Tere225]

With a most excellent mech

[@Misericorde9]

Even the Hashishans could have learned a thing or two from Steiner Scout Squad.

[@thh420]

Very sneaky.

[@mattholt1388]

Steiner scout squad out there squashing wars before they even start

[@BobMcBobJr]

@@mattholt1388 Or starting the wars before they start.

[@RiP67632]

That is German Humor. It's no laughing matter.

[@Xingmey]

It's highly effective humor!

[@mechwarrior13]

Penetratingly funny.

[@DrunknBraindead]

German humor is best at invading... your heart

[@Deridus]

German humour is like thier bread: dark, hard to digest, and not for everyone.

[@Deridus]

@@sgt.bonkers8706 Das war wünderbar!

[@barcelona1496]

See I thought the last pilot would be in a panther. But the Steiner scout squad fooled even me.

[@robertivey7644]

I figured it would be a Jenner.

[@mechwarrior13]

I thought it would be a Grand Dragon

[@robertivey7644]

@@mechwarrior13 It is, but that started as a common field refit of the Dragon.

[@gameoverinsertcointocontin8102]

Friedrichs Atlas is probably standing on the remains of said Panther and its pilot.

[@The_Crimson_Fucker]

@@mechwarrior13 Look man, it's the Draconis Combine not the Clans.

[@frocat5163]

"I enjoy being sneaky." Absolutely amazing.

[@82MPN]

Coordinators last thought: "That is a very strange 60T Mech."

[@mattholt1388]

"That's a big freaking dragon..."

[@wun1gee]

@@mattholt1388 A most excellent 'mech.

[@gigastrike2]

If they didn't want to be set on fire, they shouldn't have scheduled the meeting for war crimes o' clock.

[@SirSkud]

I mean, it IS clearly marked on the itinerary.

[@Johawmetal]

But they're the Combine, it's ALWAYS war crimes o' clock...

[@dreadedpixel9022]

@@Johawmetal EXACTLY

[@135forte]

@@Johawmetal Granted, for all practical purposes I am learning the lore for the first time, but it is my understanding that War Crime o'clock always being on is an Inner Sphere thing, not just a Combine thing.

[@tavernburner3066]

Their kuritains. This mentally impossible for them.

[@DarkEmperorRay13]

Somehow Tex managed to make an Atlas in a Steiner Scout Lance surprising. I don't think anyone expected it. .... how is that even possible?

[@electrohalo8798]

*NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANSIH INQUISITON*

[@dariusdurandal7501]

Anyone realize that Steiner scouting is very similar to krogan scouting? They go out and blow stuff up and leave a butch of tracks so the enemy is totally confused on how many and how much firepower they use....... (hint it's a lot lol)

[@Kaarl_Mills]

You thought it was a Kuritan... *BUT IT WAS I, STEINER!*

[@LtCWest]

*DIE WELT, ZEITSTOPP*

[@tarantulathree-one8013]

Kono Steiner Da! -Frederick after 'assimilating' amongst the DCMS as part of his mission parameters.

[@weldonwin]

*STEINER SCIENCE IS ZE GREATEST IN ZE INNER SPHERE!!!*

[@Kaarl_Mills]

@@weldonwin I didnt expect the Lyran Commonwealth to show up

[@weldonwin]

@@Kaarl_Mills "NO ONE EXPECTS THE STEINER -INQUISITION- SCOUT SQUAD!!!"

[@SteveAkaDarktimes]

its heartwarming to see such a supportive and encouraging work environment in the steiner scout lance. fullfilling and satisfying work, and genuine positive feedback from your superiors regarding your performance!

[@BlandRoamer]

Honestly, we should all have a boss like theirs.

[@g3heathen209]

Sneaky, sneaky atlas, they never saw it coming

[@godsdj7316]

Heavy mech, quiet step!

[@inquisitorbenediktanders3142]

@@godsdj7316 the banshee sadly doesn't work due to the tendency of the mech to make a howling noise when you reaaally don't want it to.

[@godsdj7316]

@@inquisitorbenediktanders3142 Kick it!

[@inquisitorbenediktanders3142]

@@godsdj7316 that just make it howl louder. You have to treat it with love and care. It's almost as if you'd have to deal with another human being.

[@Xenobears]

Hey, if an Atlas steps on a building, and there’s no one left to report it, was it ever really detected?

[@nobeardthepirate8569]

Our experiment has yielded results, Commandant! Initial analysis indicates that the Dragon is far less impervious to fire than the name suggests! Excellent analysis, Steiner Research Squad! Continue R&D operations!

[@inquisitorbenediktanders3142]

Kollegen, I found a way to fix the banshee!!! We put a pair of ppcs on the shoulders and slap an f ton more armor on it plus medium lasers every where. Sadly I couldn't get rid of the howling noise it makes but that's ok.

[@archerbascha8757]

I guess he was right about that "swift like the wind" thing. Because Draconis is nothing but a fart in the wind anyway.

[@wither5673]

except when it comes to bullying civilians...they are really good at that!!!!

[@archerbascha8757]

@@wither5673 Right, almost forgot about that.

[@Dogue83]

Bro the sword of light were literally the best mechwarriors in all the inner sphere at one point, the DCMS might have their fair share of cannon fodder bums but they are no joke overall.

[@renerade2116]

"Silent, but deadly."

[@brucelez1]

guess that ECM was worth adding to the Atlas loadout...

[@mikeb5063]

You mean the AC 20?

[@bongbong9991]

@@mikeb5063 both

[@tssteelx]

I'm sensing a theme.

[@gabrielzellers1822]

And we clanners would have won if it weren't for those darn scout squads.

[@kybercat7]

Clans ghost bear and snow raven are great. people who like Clan jade falcon and smoke jaguar........... we dont talk to them

[@gabrielzellers1822]

I'll admit some leaders over the Jade birb haven't been the greatest, but I'm sticking to it.

[@supraman2turbo]

You guys got beat up by space AT&T

[@Mongoosesummoner]

@@supraman2turbo as has most anyone in the Inner Sphere when those telephone worshiping loons give enough of a crap to deal with them.

[@natsume-hime2473]

@@supraman2turbo Yeah but they had Morgan Stiner, which is a unfair advantage.

[@willlasdf123]

Oh man, they just got scouted so hard!

[@derekburge5294]

That's what the Dracs get for trying to outsneak the sneak meisters.

[@Biesliek1]

I got snuck up on by a atlas in mwo, a true steiner scout.

[@gloomreach4325]

One year, my aunt had brought cookies to the door a week before Christmas, I had been trying mwo for a month at the time. I powered off my ac20/lrm15/2 L laser king crab in some trees to get the cookies. When I came back the losing enemy team was attempting to take home base and on the way to save base, a medium mech jumped in front of me and I ac20'd his rear torso. Several laser blasts and he died. I took no damage. I am not very good at games outside of puzzles, but this is my fondest multiplayer memory. Mwo is trash. Thought you might find this funny. Sorry if I intruded.

[@spacecorpse3212]

this reminds me of a certain Warhammer imperial guard general who hid titans in bushes

[@tarantulathree-one8013]

CRREEEEED

[@inquisitorbenediktanders3142]

Ah yes, the tactical genius that hid a baneblade in some shrubs just to get it stolen by TRAZYYYYYYYYYNNN!!!

[@Hybris51129]

Out of everything this channel produces aside from the Tex Talks stuff these are the videos I look forward to the most. Probably because I am a huge Atlas fan.

[@dattebenforcer]

I'm a huge scouting fan.

[@inquisitorbenediktanders3142]

Me too.

[@GreenBlueWalkthrough]

While I don't scot with mine I prefer to dual wield PPCs and snipe my enemies.

[@Hybris51129]

@@GreenBlueWalkthrough Gauss rifles and LRMs for me. If I get a sensor lock on you then I rain missiles on you if I get line of sight then I start sending slugs and missiles to whoever I am having aggressive negotiations with.

[@GreenBlueWalkthrough]

@@Hybris51129 Fair enough but I have a Planemech for that and enough armor to find you when I don't.

[@wheelcha1rman2]

The theme song to Steiner Scout Squad SLAPS.

[@weldonwin]

Much like the foot pad of a Steiner Atlas, as it stomps down on a Kuritan Scout Mech

[@chanman819]

There's no death like hot polka death!

[@onehouse_crowley4597]

These are hilarious. Why is this not a monthly or weekly series?

[@SirSkud]

Because the Steiner Scout Squad is stealthy, and therefore reports are rare on the HPG network.

[@truckerallikatuk]

@@SirSkud You can' get reports if everyone within 20 miles is dead...

[@Tekisasubakani]

Because over-saturation can easily lead to a decline in quality, and it takes time to come up with humorous skits.

[@Urziel99]

I always consider the skits that follow a Tex BattleTech video like Discount Dan and Steiner Scout Squad as added bonus.

[@steelshanks1265]

Yes, please.

[@dermonarch5814]

Damn, even i didn´t see it coming. Sneaky bastards, i am so proud on you guys

[@FrikInCasualMode]

Sneaky sneaky Steiner Scouts.

[@theMPrints]

in Steiner space atlas scouts you.....

[@weldonwin]

So, are Frederich Lance just that amazing or are the DCMS just that spectacularly incompetent? Or is it a little of both?

[@joshuahansen4265]

DCMS is known for many things. Intelligence is not one of those. Now, if they were dealing with the ISF, the Steiners *might* have a bit of trouble with sneaking around, but not even the DEST commandos would stand much of a chance.

[@weldonwin]

@@joshuahansen4265 ISF are too busy dealing with internal conspiracy and murdering the the Coordinator's illegitimate children

[@robertivey7644]

The DCMS’s greatest strategy was throw dozens of light mechs at things in a suicide charge. This led to the Davion fire lances made up of Blackjacks, Riflemen and Jagermechs. Frankly I think the Joke would have been funnier if it was 12 wasps 12 panthers and 4 Atli.

[@themisspultone]

Just remember you have the right way, the wrong way, and the Steiner way. (nb thats just the wrong way but with assaults)

[@heirofaniu]

The voice work is really good in all of these, I know you got native German speakers to voice the Steiners, did you also get native Japanese speakers to voice the Kuritans? Because if you didn't the VAs you got sound very convincing.

[@Solon_The_Lich]

I think Tex mentioned it some time ago, the dudes playing the "Gottenlöse Kuritanen" are Japanese native speakers

[@heirofaniu]

@@Solon_The_Lich Thanks.

[@jamessmith5666]

Those voice actors would be great doing some of the Draconis themed novels

[@razielgrave224]

The coordinator with a Kansai accent really cracked me up, ほんまにすばらしいやん.

[@Drakenfoul]

This *NEVER* gets old hahaha

[@truckerallikatuk]

Much like the Kurita pilots...

[@Solon_The_Lich]

@@truckerallikatuk 🤣🤣🤣

[@davidcannon3515]

Just what I needed before my dental appointment this morning. BPL you guys are great and I love these Stiner boys, we need more lol

[@RyllenKriel]

Much better than Wonder Woman 1984, thanks!

[@KMCA779]

I will be honest, I expected the last mech to be a Grand Dragon.

[@TheRealBDouble]

Or a Hatamoto-Chi, just to change things up

[@atmosdwagon4656]

Hohiro Kurita (30c) would absolutely authorize a 400 ton "scouting" drop lance, thinking it was 11 Jenners and a Uhaul with a Polka turntable. He'd probably die fighting Steiner mechs with his bare hands as the dude was more than a little batshit insane. Hohiro Kurita (31c) would beat the Steiner Scout Squad by announcing Oktoberfest on planet, and drinking them under the table with his buddy Victor-Steiner-Davion, until the latter cancels the assassination attempt. (it was probably his crazy ass sister who set it up anyway)

[@HarperStl]

Not sure if this is incredibly impressive in the sense that the Steiners somehow passed every background check and test put forward to infiltrate the DCMS special forces branch, or in the sense that there is zero vetting of potential commandos by the Kuritans. At least Dragons are cheap to replace

[@MrGarhan]

Nobody expects the Steiner Scout Squad

[@shantyman161]

As a German, this cracked me up so hard 🤣

[@ThunderGod9182]

I really do love these, I always enjoyed playing the "Steiner Scout lance"

[@LevidelValle]

I was like "That's not a warhammer, that's an Atlas" must have rolled pretty low on their percetipion check like -20.🤣

[@LevidelValle]

in the same line as this is not the beach it a bath tub.

[@CruentusCruor]

Steiner Scout Adventures ALWAYS brings the sun out for me

[@joseph1150]

I did not see that coming at all. Steiner Scout lance: Stealth 100

[@theblackpantslegion]

Top Stealth

[@arsenalxa4421]

Oh, those Steiner Scouts. Never change.

[@XanderDraft]

I have a feeling one of these days enemies of the Steiner force will bring aircraft to the fight and instead of bringing a rifleman lance to assist they will sneak on top of the enemy aircraft.

[@wrayday7149]

I read the title as Scott Steiner Squad. DO THE MATH!

[@leadpaintchips9461]

I need more adventures of the Steiner Scout Squad.

[@torymiddlebrooks]

Deeply impressed by the quality of the work you folks have been putting out!

[@gabsrants]

Da soll noch einer sagen, mit einem Atlas könne man sich nicht anschleichen.

[@candleman2123]

This series is probably dead now, but the Steiner Scout Squad inspires me, I friggin love it!

[@Brigand231]

Worry not coordinator....

[@franciscoduarteauthor]

That's when the coordinator knew he should be worried.

[@godsdj7316]

@@franciscoduarteauthor "Why do I hear Steiner boss music?"

[@parkerdixon-word6295]

I love how, at the start of this series, the joke is that the Steiner Scout Squad are the precise opposite of covert, but talk about their efforts like it's a stealth operation. Then they fight the Draconic Combine, and the joke is suddenly that somehow they *are* being covert and surprising, despite the fact that their equipment and methods should make that impossible. 10/10, I don't know how it works, but it does.

[@SunTzuLao]

Now THAT is stealthy

[@brettjolly9705]

It is good to see that the Steiners also Praise Zorg

[@inquisitorbenediktanders3142]

Awesome work! You know Critical Rocket and his Best in Class series? He used the spectacle mode of mwo and custom matches to make them. You could use that for another SSS video (maybe show some more variety in the mechs used by the scout squad).

[@Cousin-Eddy]

I spit the soda I was drinking when I saw the right arm of an Atlas in the lineup.

[@S71xx]

I want to make an A-Team joke but these episodes are too funny to even think about without erupting into gut busting laughter.

[@Anarchy_Shark]

simply stunning

[@chrissheffield5468]

The Coordinator is not amused.

[@Solon_The_Lich]

I guess the coordinator won't be disappointed anymore, you can't feel disappointment if you are a piece of roasted meat

[@franciscoduarteauthor]

This is very silly. I like it.

[@spacemeat2001]

no matter how many times I have watched this I always laugh. money well spent!

[@Piterdeveirs333]

I wanted to make the Steiner Scout Squad in Battletech (2018) but I ended up making the Black Watch when I started getting Highlanders

[@elchjol2777]

My favorite lance is a Bullshark modified for knockdown with two AC/10s,two AC/5s,4 M lasers along with parts to give is a surprisingly strong kick. The second mech is a Star League Atlas II. The third is a Star League Highlander with a improved and lighter weight gauss with the extra tonnage going to armor. With the final mech being a Bullshark artillery with some minor tweaks but otherwise the same as it came off the clan ship.

[@adamsteele23]

@@elchjol2777 Why AC and not UAC?

[@elchjol2777]

@@adamsteele23 Lack of supply, I only had enough to outfit one Bullshark with UACs

[@l0rdn0o8skillz4]

- Not sure if you'll read this, but I just finished binge watching your playthrough of X-COM Declassified. Firstly, holy shit did that voice throw me for a loop. Secondly... you never finished it. I really liked it, and I'd appreciate seeing you do it again and seeing it through to the finish. - That's all really. Good job on these and stay safe out there... the world's been taking Vitamin Crazy again.

[@ThomasUfnalCrowlake]

I just cried from laughing so hard, so much that my wife is now deeply concerned about my sanity.

[@larslaufer301]

I would love to give this two thumbs up

[@grandloser28]

Ein guter Witz should we say in german. But there is no fun in it, only truth....

[@weldonwin]

German humor is no laughing matter...

[@privacyfirst2790]

Trying to explain why this is funny this to my slightly weeb finace... I'm not doing well.

[@z3r0_35]

Just say it's German humor.

[@candleman2123]

@@z3r0_35 or, even better, just make them watch it ;-)

[@miharu654]

Need to get ahold of that steiner theme for meme reasons involving me some friends and 4 giant sneaky robots.

[@Deridus]

Yes.

[@Tergara1]

Oh man I laughed so hard at this I cried.

[@cinergy7553]

Man, those sneaky Lyrans are at it again. Thanks for these!

[@DWatchRazgriz]

They're back. I missed these lads.

[@Jay-ql4gp]

I love these.

[@reenlux7985]

Man, these get me each and every time. Bravo

[@GregAtlas]

Needed a Hatomoto Chi in there, but I see the humor in three dragons. :P

[@dermonarch5814]

No no, a Charger 1A1.

[@igor_kossov]

Friedrich's voice and intonation is perfect.

[@culturalliberator9425]

Sneaky sneaky. And clever.

[@GUMMRUCHK]

Imagine getting out witted by Steiner. 😂

[@Anon26535]

I really hope they retcon the name of the Combine's special forces to Draconis Elite Strike *Units* at some point.

[@NacnudPinky]

1:10 Steiner surprise is go

[@badkarma3059]

ahhh prior to this sneaky Steiner being reborn. Nicely done

[@dieseljester3466]

Still a better series than that Cartoon back in the 90s. XD

[@alexandarvoncarsteinzarovi3723]

The Royal Black Watch with the bagpipes now the Steiner Squad with their stealth tech and accordions,

[@famousdave7219]

YAAAAAAAAAY DRAGON content!

[@ew3612]

I really enjoy these videos and I noticed an error with Fredereichs dialogue at 1:19. It says: Is the the secret assassination team meeting? It should say: Is this the secret assassination team meeting?

[@thorinwhitewolf1213]

i fucking love these. i would watch full shows of this. but then again i am a 30 something who shitposts and plays games with metal and plastic toy soldiers..

[@dreammirrorbrony1240]

The only thing missing is burning Cappellions. 🔥

[@markolmstead4776]

We need more of this

[@Mechator_Rex]

Always remember: The ISF knew who he was and what his agenda is. They always know in kurita space. Also it's Steiner Assault Squad by now, not scout squad anymore?

[@noneedtoknow07]

By Steiner standards they are a scout squad, by everyone else's standard they are an assault squad. That's why this is hilarious.

[@Mechator_Rex]

@@noneedtoknow07 the first episode read "Steiner Scout Squad", and they changed it on the logo. That's why I am asking.

[@XanderDraft]

This really does inspire me to make an Atlas scout lance in battle tech.

[@MrAsaqe]

Well Patrols in Force exist, if you want your Steiner Scout Lance, go two Assaults, one Long Range Striker and a Commando as the comms/ECM mech.

Steiner Assault Squad is the best show around. Also of note, did anyone else notice Dragon's have two gun barrels in their groin region? Are the Dracs trying to overcompensate for something?

[@FrozenHawkHunter]

Oh yah we go stump stump now. I feel it the Atlas should have been painted green with spikes down its back and maybe a tail.

[@ethangrant5061]

These are just the best little memes

[@nikushim6665]

Nothing says "stealth ninja assassin" quite like a giant stompy stomp earth quake machine :p.

[@Xeno056]

Jokes on them, the last Mech was supposed to be a Charger. A vintage Charger.

[@dwincraig5350]

Love it.

[@mauser98kar]

0:53 - "Worry not coordinator. They will be like wind." ...blowing?

[@ironboy3245]

Jagged lines across the sand?

[@mauser98kar]

@@ironboy3245 The crumbling buildings. In our minds are all that stand. Though I was kinda more on the nose with my initial line. Way less subtle and way less decent.

[@dannylamb456]

are the Steiner Scouts commanded by Creed somehow?

[@krzysztofdre3294]

OK this made my day.

[@gameoverinsertcointocontin8102]

Please make a Steiner Scout Squad vs League. With Friedrich stomping everything, while the Mariks rather fight among themselves around them.

[@mkosmala1309]

See, here's the terrifying thing... they're actually sneaky.