Stephen Challenges 'Goop Magazine' With 'Covetton Cuarterly'

[@m.c.5795]

“...scrotal dry-cleaning and vaginal wash & fold.” 😂😂🤣. Stephen, you and your writing team are gold!!! Thank you for the laughs.

[@xs10086]

Ms. CrF Stephen totally cracked up

[@galaxywolf4895]

Goop is for people who have lots of money and are easily Gooped.

[@bearheart2009]

Respect to Gwyneth for relieving gullible, obscenely rich people of their burdensome resources.

[@OrionoftheStar]

And for people who want, ah... "pretend [their] vagina is a flower blooming".

[@Weegee766]

Yes

[@mcmchurch]

For $14.99 you can literally buy $14.99 worth of other stuff

[@LisaMichele]

Legless Centipede 👌

[@tealmacfarlane]

Like 12 rolls of toilet paper, because most of us know the actual value of toilet paper.

[@shittykittyification]

Or you can feed a kid in Africa for a year!

[@iron1349]

I'm gonna buy a model freight car

[@luckyDancer100]

$14.99 worth of Swedish Fish 🐟

[@223Drone]

Covetton House: We may be BS but unlike Goop we're at least up front about it.

[@varadhitkari2039]

I love Colbert's goop rants!

[@MetallicAddict15]

5:05 I love it when Stephen loses his composure. 😂

[@mclmg]

“New life unfurling on the forest floor” = maggot eggs hatching on a pile of civet cat dung

[@FeyTheBin]

Lovely

[@youreg]

Awww, each clutching a tiny steaming mug of premium Goop covfefe

[@anewb_eginning82]

Stephen Colbert breaking is honestly one of the best things in the world.

[@anastasiapepperwater3550]

Behold, I give unto you: banana 🍌 kzbin.info/www/bejne/nZbbpa1ppKlpaZY

[@WoWisMagic]

'Covetton Cuartely" The only place to get your premium covfefe.

[@TheGeneralThings]

"Covfefetton Covfuarterly"

[@vaibhavgupta20]

i almost forgot about covfefe.

[@Judopa44]

Covfefe is dead. Let it Rest In Peace.

[@Rick__C-137]

lol

[@gusdupree9076]

Shawn Keenan we have the best memory , up here, under all the rats nest and orange foundation

[@ro4eva]

I love it when he breaks character. It's rather adorable.

[@jeanneeber]

“It puts the lotion on its skin” LMFAO!! Funny stuff!

[@samuelschonenberger]

'Covetton Cuarterly' is like John Oliver's church...

[@bigdoodsRoCk1242]

Samuel Schönenberger let's hope nobody sends him jizz in the mail, cause this bit is gold

[@mori1bund]

Samuel Schönenberger: it's actually a branch of Prescott Pharmaceuticals.

[@lesleyleith4440]

Samuel Schönenberger Praise Be, Praise Be.👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@rysun8709]

Goop rhymes with poop which is what you be getting

[@JaBarge303]

genius

[@gusdupree9076]

how low will she stoop? this is sending me for a loop , if i bought this stuff I'd feel like a dupe , for the cost of some of this stuff you could buy a new car , maybe a coupe

[@yashiAR]

This has become one of my favorite segments. Burn after burn after burn with each segment

[@RafidW9]

Huston, we have bullshit. you can feel the heat from that burn.

[@RubixB0y]

Who's Huston?

[@johnnyreality]

RubixB0y don't act like you don't know who Huston is.

[@RubixB0y]

I know a Houston ;)

[@Awesomefulrific]

These are my FAVORITE segments!

[@lyngs]

Gwyneth is the queen of Quack! How is that shit legal in 2017?!

[@orioninvictus6794]

It's the nature of capitalism. If people are willing to buy it, and you don't make outright false claims, like "this cures cancer" without putting a warning label basically saying that it does not, in fact, cure cancer, it's legal to sell.

[@abhyudaykrishna9714]

Orion Squad shouldn't be, tho

[@lanapowell]

"A fool and his money are soon parted." --Proverbs "There's a sucker born every minute." --P. T. Barnum

[@orioninvictus6794]

Shouldn't be, but it is. For better or for worse, a capitalist society with good social programs and consumer protection laws seems to work best. I'm oversimplifying it, obviously, but those three things make good societies. Unchecked capitalism, such as the one Republicans want, however, only leads to societal breakdown.

[@pansepot1490]

lyngsdk, why should that be illegal? People with millions to spend want expensive things and she caters to that niche market. I find it much more outrageous that dozens if not hundreds of so called "religious" individuals and organisations steal money from poor people with every sort of false promise. And the government not only allows it, it also exempts them from paying taxes! If we want to stick to scientific evidence, religion is the real queen of Quack.

[@rspainter7896]

Ridiculous. This is why your head was in the box, Gwyneth.

[@Rainy-In-The-Desert]

RSPainter Best.Comment.Ever.

[@TheTonecii]

"Vaginal wash n' fold"--haha, I love that he lost it, and couldn't stay in character. Colbert's the best!

[@zack19192]

Thank god barely anyone cheered for Gwyneth.

[@jontraz5993]

zack19192 it means progress!! We're getting less fucking stupid every day! Go humanity!

[@SARGENTO007A]

Love it when he cracks up!

[@chiwantstea]

"Ovarian breakfast nook" killed me 😂😂😂

[@violetdisregard8847]

2017: $450 tOilET pAPpEr?????! WTF!? 2020: Sounds reasonable.

[@exonerative]

It's very comforting to know that after Trump has come and inevitably gone, Colbert will still be able to deliver such good non-Trump segments

[@MBA2804]

Stephen composed himself well.

[@CasualGamer11]

Monologue order: 1. This Week's Russia Round-Up 2. America Now Has Serial Racists And Cereal Racists 3. Stephen Challenges 'Goop Magazine' With 'Covetton Cuarterly'

[@mmggbb4460]

At this point Stephen and his Booker knows Gwyneth Paltrow ain't coming so they just bang it 100%

[@OldRaver]

'It puts the lotion on it's skin'... nice Buffalo Bill reference 😂

[@ivanataylor5014]

😂😂😂😂 lol bye Stephen! Vaginal wash & fold. Omgggg those flower photos

[@mrbarneystinson100]

This is what I miss. This is SO Colbert Report.

[@aqua-mina]

That grapefruit picture though. 😩

[@andyoli75]

It's like a Georgia O'Keeffe paiting.

[@dontbefatuousjeffrey2494]

+andyoli75 OMG YES that's exactly what I thought of when I saw it

[@nielsmichiels1939]

I already send that that image of the "houston, we have bullshit" cover to their facebook page. XD

[@deanneunderwood805]

This is the best thing that's going to happen today. 😎. Cheers Stephen!

[@BloodyPuppy]

As much as I enjoy all the Trump stuff Colbert is (rightfully) lampooning, sometimes I forget that he's just generally hilarious. Funniest thing I've watched all month.

[@thabest007]

I can't find the toilet paper on the website

[@TestinggroundOrg]

I advise against toilet paper on websites - virtual TP is just not as useful as the paper kind!

[@davidbezat99]

did you do some DIGGING for that lol

[@krombopulos_michael]

Must be all sold out

[@piperalpha]

Testing no, no, you have to print it before use. That’s how it works.

[@nanka2002]

I feel good I was not the only one who looked it up :)

[@ctrlaltdestroy91]

Ah this takes me back to the days of “Cheating Death with Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, sponsored by Prescott Pharmaceuticals.”

[@MetalGuitarGuy]

"Is that partially decomposed crow?" LOL! so funny

[@dasstigma]

I love it when he cant contain himself while doing his own material :D

[@stevenxenoknight3845]

One of the funniest videos on the web right now. I was laughing so hard that I had to comment.

[@eraven1982]

"Do not iron!" hahahahahahahahaha Whyyyyyy was I sipping coffee when he said "Ovarian Breakfast Nook" ?!?!?! 🤣😂

[@LackeysLack]

I have learned. Don't Drink and Comedywatch. Just say no.

[@eraven1982]

LackeysLack 🤣☺ Truth!

[@Chunkboi]

G Wind Star River oh yeah, I learned about the ovarian breakfast nook in med school. It’s in the lessons associated with the testicular sun porch and the uterine mud room. They are covered by tissue known as the serosal wallpaper.

[@eraven1982]

Chunkboi Hahaha 😆 Good ones

[@ejoshcoron]

omg please never stop doing these goop segments XD

[@hatengoogle4969]

What's that scent? Decomposing crow! Lmao 😂

[@FLyyyT_]

I thought the It area was the sidewalk storm drain.

[@catherineleary9462]

SNEAKxxATTACK Same principle.

[@dontbefatuousjeffrey2494]

I thought it was East Village. What do I know?

[@strangeandforeignca]

So good 😂😂😂

[@drmantistobboggangonzodr3961]

First thing that crossed my mind & u Beat me to what I was basically about to post lol 😂 great minds think alike I guess sir 👍🏻

[@Chunkboi]

SNEAKxxATTACK yeah, somehow I don’t think anyone would want supernatural murder clowns all over their pelvic floor.

[@ms.rstake_1211]

I cannot!😅😹😆. Mr Colbert won't kill me😂.

[@benzaiten933]

this covetton house magazine should be a free tie-in to Stephen Colbert's Midnight Confessions!

[@TheCstar07]

I love it when he breaks

[@kwokmanchung]

It's outrageous, but then again, people are already buying $1000 cell phones, $100 socks (Hermes) and $12900 basketballs (Hermes), and brag about it. Outrageous is not selling stupid expensive stuff. Outrageous is buying them.

[@antitrumpster3284]

Love ya Stephen Colbert......haven't laughed that hard in a while.

[@lizrael]

I love the series of segments mocking Goop!

[@johnyliltoe]

Fun fact: I just wrote a short horror story based on Buffalo Bill and in doing a bit of research for it I learned this is another one of those lines a lot of people get wrong. "It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again." is the actual line, not "It puts the lotion on its skin..."

[@NewMessage]

Um. In Goop's defense, my pelvic floor is where I store all of my __it until I can get to a bathroom.

[@IamErik31]

New Message Do you also use those boxes of $950 toilet paper?

[@jayzenitram9621]

THEE EYE: Obsidians?

[@gusdupree9076]

i thought you just used the comment section for that

[@wf6951]

I love to sleep on rocks...

[@adfundumdus6826]

Now I finally have a favorite mental image. ;-)

[@Wunderwaffe9828]

Best magazine comedy eva!

[@samimotag]

I love the Covetton House skits 😂

[@memyselfandeye8377]

Oh my...you lifted my heart and spirit! Lol

[@kenek629]

If someone could make a compilation of everytime Stephen breaks I would be extremely grateful ❤️

[@DanFrederiksen]

Rearranging ladybits seems to be Stephen's comedic Achilles heel :)

[@Mediaright]

Omg. More like this please! =D

[@FullBringer1]

"Goop's recommendation of *vaginal steaming* .." Excuse you and your entire company ? Never heard that before.

[@catherineleary9462]

Gabriel Simion Me neither. Whatever happened to just taking a shower and then going about your business?

[@FannyWanKenobi]

These segments kill me everytime! XD

[@TM-pc1se]

This is one of his best bits.

[@gunner678]

Only in the US of A!

[@judioregan4210]

Oh Stephen, you silly sausage! XD

[@88happiness]

I can't believe how many videos there are on the topic of GOOP. It really was a long time segment.

[@chrisjacksonuk]

You have to do a mock magazine now parodying everyone else's ! Please 🙏🏿

[@lazyperfectionist1]

"It's just like the website, only it's not free." And that is how marketing is done.

[@soulscanner66]

New levels of sarcasm here. Geez, and I thought the Trump jokes wrote themselves.

[@brachypelmasmith]

the font on that pelvic floor article is the biggest font ever. It looks like students paper with obligatory number of pages, who had half the pages to fill somehow.

[@MaxRamos8]

5:03 😅😅😅😅😅😅😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 lmao

[@landypaule]

Will Gwyneth ever come join the Late Show? I'd love to see that :)

[@MulrySquare]

"Ovarian breakfast nook" LOL

[@stagespectre]

If you made Covetton House products and disclosed the amount I was donating to charity with my purchase, I would buy something

[@jimstineman638]

The gap between rich and poor keeping us pissed off even more.. French Revolution!!!

[@ramonelizondo2719]

The amazing part is that there are people stupid enough to buy GP’s garbage! 😮 😂😂😂

[@IamwhoIam333]

I use to love grapefruit juice, thank you for sharing that with us

[@rosebyanyname]

That was a quality Nic Cage joke!

[@TheDaitenshi120]

a physical therapist and can train you on pelvic floor for maybe 5% of that cost.

[@WindFireAllThatKindOfThing]

I expect to see her products in Whole Foods any day now. In the Not Organic aisle.

[@beatz04]

Wow that Nicholas Cage scene was pretty unconvincing.

[@Coolparapper]

Ovarian breakfast nook. ...I'm dead

[@Chunkboi]

Mr Dixon I learned about that in med school. The Ovarian breakfast nook is lateral to the fallopian foyer and the uterine dining room.

[@DOWNUNDER.]

just had the builders in all day recovering my pelvic floor, will be great after a good steam clean

[@auriianna]

Hahaha he couldn't handle it lol

[@JosephFuller]

Steven should really do the Covetton House line, I bet it would be stellar. However, instead of making everything ridiculously expensive, it offer good quality designer men's fashion at the cost of manufacture and shipping, just to piss off the fashion industry.

[@daviddelaney2407]

at 5:13, is that a scratch-n-sniff article, perhaps? --Dave, add to CART

[@Shaddowkhan]

Why did Marvel bring her back as Pepper Pots?

[@dontbefatuousjeffrey2494]

She lost me at "I would rather die than let my kid eat Cup-A-Soup". EVERYTHING was out of whack in that sentence

[@arabiyya]

considering you can wipe your butt with it. hahaha that cracked me up

[@thecraftycyborg9024]

.... I confess, I would buy Covetton Cuarterly.

[@viddork]

Hey, if you've got that kind of money to throw away, would you consider adopting me?

[@alfredo.zauce1892]

“Quite a steal considering - you can wipe your butt with it!”

[@Gymnopediea]

i always love him for shedding light on this disgusting celebrity exploitation of idiots.

[@janovewaldner1]

That was a nice Goop roast!!

[@tuckerbowen4626]

0:35 when gravity falls and earth becomes sky, fear the beast with just one eye!

[@StevenTorrey]

"Say Cheesy and then cut the cheese!"

[@censusgary]

Now, a cheese bath is something I could get into.

[@alicesrabbit7126]

hahahaha! yes, i love covetton house!

[@fangthedergon1863]

The bee venom treatment joke was really funny (if a bit dated) but that was the only thing he mentioned with some actual use in helping to treat arthritic pain

[@callumscott953]

$15. My goodness, the deal of the century! I'd like to order 1000 copies please. Gonna resell at $40 here in South Africa. People can barely afford food out here but i think they're gonna be fighting over Goop Magazine. I can already tell this is the best business move i'll ever make, i'm going to be rich!

[@MsCygnusX1]

I wish Covetton House would put out a quarterly/annual magazine! I'd buy it, if profits would go to charity. I know they could do it and be successful! 😊❤

[@Chunkboi]

MsCygnusX1 you mean like Nike selling those “Back to the Future” shoes to benefit Parkinson’s research?

[@MsCygnusX1]

Chunkboi Maybe the magazine could work as a digital version. The Nike thing looks neat.

[@coralaisly]

I saw Goop magazine at the book store the other day and couldn't figure out who finds Gweneth credible enough to trust with their cover... then I realized she couldn't make the cover of anyone else's magazine so she gooped herself up her own.

[@DarkKnightofHeaven]

Nacho cheese soak is how Donald Trump gets his complexion.

[@mertellabrown6785]

Now that's a *roast* Luv it!!!

[@WoWisMagic]

Waiting for my new message, I'm so excited!!

[@Games_and_Music]

be ready to wait a looooooooong time.. oh shit

[@michalperach984]

Seanders so you are fangirling over a youtube commentator. What have we become?

[@gusdupree9076]

Michal Perach same as always, watchers and consumers, most people just want to be part of the group, eh, oh well, perhaps that's a good thing

[@dontbefatuousjeffrey2494]

+Michal: nicer people? Better than getting your hate on. I like this side of KZbin WAAAY better :)

[@tmseh]

The hate is strong on UTOOB.