Stephen Colbert's Midnight Confessions, Vol XXIII

Sometimes I pet a dog just because I have something gross on my hand that I have to wipe off.
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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via CBS All Access, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.

[@therepublicofdiarrhea7792]

Confession: I need Stephen Colbert more than I need Xyzal.

[@_rebecca]

Mmmmm - half/half

[@SilentSub]

God Likes Porn with Ben the Demon I swear your top comment on every video

[@breaden4381]

lol

[@jonathanbaker247]

I miss his "conservative pundit" personality with that one iconic raised eyebrow.

[@theflamebringer]

God Likes Porn with Ben the Demon I got an ad for that too lmao

[@rickynotricardo6328]

I should be sleeping

[@natestvedits]

RickynotRicardo sounds like you could use some xyzal

[@suzawilo]

RickynotRicardo Nah...booze and food will knock you out eventually 😁😂😀

[@300DBenz]

Did anyone else get an unskippable ad for Xyzal BEFORE the clip started?

[@tomtaylor2398]

Nope, just you.

[@AmusementLabs]

Me. FML. TWO ADS!!!!!

[@kingjamestres]

adblock ftw

[@AmusementLabs]

james d didn't work for me for some reason...

[@joceline3218]

me tho

[@mavendeo]

I love that owl.

[@revengefrommars]

Who?

[@tach5884]

Superb

[@ArtyFartyBart]

Will Xyzal relieve my owlergies?

[@kamrongrant]

That is completely unfair that you made that promo half funny. Good thing I don't get that product where I am or I might find myself buying it because the owl looks stoned lol

[@Gymnopediea]

It actually salvaged the stupid advertisement. If ads can be funny, I can forgive them all! :)

[@varadhitkari2039]

I am waiting for Midnight Confessions vol. XXX

[@SilentSub]

Varad Hitkari as am I

[@Mrcreapycreaper]

Varad Hitkari so for vol. XXX will it just be him confessing his XXX habits?

[@jamesburgess2k]

Varad Hitkari ooh, kinky

[@jobri5688]

Varad Hitkari nah irl he's super straight laced.

[@skippiescrunch]

Maybe he will deep throat a polish hotdog too. before he eats ofcourse, gotta finish.

[@camelsheit_on_the_walls446]

OK then, by Colbert's standards those signs should say; "Employees must pet dogs" :)

[@Professor_Gamble]

Confession: I buy clothes one size too big so that I can tell people I'm losing weight.

[@caseypeanuts3222]

One of the best midnight confessions yet IMO

[@deadinside3396]

Sometimes I,.. pet a dog just 'cause I have something gross on my hand I need wipe off. LMAO

[@teosweekin]

That is one cool way to get your product promoted on tv.

[@maryroark1396]

Cannot believe how smart Steven and his crew were that they create things are so intelligent and funny like this all the time.

[@deathsythelui]

The best part is that I actually got a Xyzal commercial featuring the owl before this video...

[@olapopawska8456]

Be a wise owl, take Xyzal ;)

[@JohnComeOnMan]

That ad placement bit was laaaaame.

[@JohnComeOnMan]

Yes, we all get the reason for the bit. Hopefully they get better with time.

[@rjcripe]

At Or Around Ten It seemed a little... excessive. Colbert didn't seem especially thrilled at having to do that bit. Damian Grey Ads are best when they don't disrupt a show. This was a major disruption.

[@jamesburgess2k]

At least he tried to make it funny, some talk shows would straight up promote the ad without any attempt to make it fit within the show

[@staceystrukel1917]

R u for real? It's satire.

[@Remiddi]

Stacey Strukel it was an ad that fell a bit flat. It was a comedic ad..not really satire

[@lucasgondreau7880]

Haha, who else got an actual Zyzol ad played before their video?

[@retnavybrat]

5:36 -- I came across an "Employees must wash hands" sign and someone had written underneath it, "If employees not available, wash your own hands."

[@timothyamaraobrien]

Confession: I pay more attention to Stephen than to the news.

[@thespudofages6196]

The company that makes Xyzal is called Sanofi. In 2016, Sanofi donated 1.7 million dollars to US political campaigns, with almost 70% of those donations (about 1.1 million) going to republican candidates like Mitch McConnell. It's a sad state of affairs when the shilling becomes overt. www.opensecrets.org/pacs/lookup2.php?strID=C00144345

[@cocoinco5054]

Now THAT is something Colbert shouldn't endorse - do your homework Stephen & clan

[@penniecollins8558]

The Spud of Ages Thanks for the info! I wish we could count on news reporters to dig into where our advertising dollars really go and to whom! Eye opener!

[@adamcompton4031]

There was a Xyzal ad right before this video, and when I heard the slogan, I literally thought the same thing as Stephen did in this bit. Felt rather proud of myself

[@simone8228]

Skip to confessions at 2:55

[@winnetu9142]

I hear that was the 6th season of Bourbon

[@v0Xx60]

Fun fact: owls regularly score among the lowest on bird intelligence tests.

[@robertmerrill8918]

I got a xyzal commercial before this!!!! And then in the video

[@LordlyJeremy]

I like that one audience lady at 3:15 who does that pointing thing as she says "of course not!"

[@kcisthegoat8646]

the xyzal wasn't that bad, but that first confession was the funniest thing about it

[@jbb6131]

One of the first times that I laugh with and add lol

[@uncgrad5062]

Confession: I voted for Trump, but now I have deep regrets... *Please forgive me!*

[@ericmorton6452]

UNC GRAD you have been forgiven my child

[@someone-df2gs]

I tried but I just can't forgive you.

[@trippingpug5513]

Hey, we all make mistakes. I forgive you.

[@davidhollenshead4892]

Nope, there are things one can't be forgiven for.

[@camelsheit_on_the_walls446]

UNC GRAD I'll consider it, if trump gets impeached before he causes nuclear pandemonium.

[@Gymnopediea]

I hope they paid extra for all that advertising. Xyzal. :) Definitely the best Midnight Confessions. I wonder if Xyzal paid for better jokes?

[@andrearupe6035]

that xyzol bit was pretty funny xD

[@thatpedanticcommenter5847]

I'm going to have nightmares about CGI owls now...

[@pop5678eye]

Stephen has had a severe on-air drinking problem for the past year...

[@patriciaa4451]

Owls are an omen of death in my culture.

[@LepusZeppelin]

Congratulations Stephen! You just got paid for enabling: Painful or difficult urination; little or no urinating; pain or fullness in your ear, hearing problems; a light-headed feeling, like you might pass out; fever; worsening allergy or urticaria symptoms; drowsiness, weakness; feeling tired; fever; stuffy nose, sinus pain, sore throat, cough; vomiting, diarrhea, constipation; dry mouth; or weight gain.

[@masonboilla1015]

This is the *real* try not to laugh challenge.

[@FlintlockYT]

Feel free to skip to 2:56.

[@SolotaireKid]

Looking forward to Stephen Colbert's Midnight Confessions, XXX

[@kirbyburt1641]

that adderall joke reminded me to take my adhd medication, thanks steven

[@nothing-2-live-4]

didnt Conan do this same thing this week? he went "everyone here works really hard, like the spotlight guy. give it up for the spotlight guy, everyone!" the the camera turns around to a crew member and he says "thanks Conan, i work hard during the day and have to be here early, SO AT NIGHT I USE XYZAL" and Conan says "did you just do a pharmaceutical commercial on my show?" "no conan, i just happened to be holding this box of xytal, the sleep aid medicine for people who's allergies keep them up at night" but then Conan and Andy say that nobody told them that was in script, and both of them were just kind of chuckling.

[@blachubear]

It would had been cool when Stephen and The Xyzal Owl doing their little skit then out of no where, The American Best Owl mascot shows up telling Stephen "And you know you can also buy 2 new pairs of glasses for $69 so you can be more wiser.

[@jlinblazin]

The bacon grease comment is wayyyyyyyy too real

[@GrantCulham]

Video starts 2:58

[@LindsayJuneDC]

In some cultures, owls are also associated with death so... :)

[@youknowit789]

"Be wise, all, take Xyzal"

[@253goon]

omg I had the ad for this

[@trickstrgod911]

Oh no... Is KZbin bypassing adblock???? This is the end of life as we know it.

[@MrRobbish]

Is "cathing " anything like "Catholic confession ?"

[@joshuam1376]

Not really. There's dialogue between you and the priest

[@nicobambino191]

I admire and respect Stephens's faith even though I am an ex Catholic

[@slashingkatie7872]

Nigel is the best medication mascot ever. Better than the mucinex mucus man or Digger the tonail fungus monster.

[@gn0015]

I always look forward to what food or drink he's gonna take every time he does this bit.

[@YouJustGotAnimated]

I *really* hope people start to realize that it isn't Stephen choice as to which company the network decides they want to market and sponsor. Guys, this isn't Stephen's little independent show, like you would all like to think it is, it is a show run by a large corporation that honestly couldn't care less about you or me.

[@viewer1431]

I wish all product placements were like this

[@TrikesterHal]

Owls eyes are fixed in their skulls. They cannot turn their eyes, only their heads....

[@nwinterson740]

Midnight confessions start at about 3:25

[@furai-ingfalc-kuru8149]

Should be an quest giving apothecary in World Of Warcraft

[@timothyamaraobrien]

I so enjoy Midnight Confessions. It puts a wonderful spin on Stephen's devout Catholicism; however, I think it might be useful take him to mention that Steve Bannon, Bill O'Reilly, and Kellyanne Conway are also Catholics, not to mention the right wing Supreme Court Justices.

[@tach5884]

I think I saw Nigel in a Stellaris playthrough.

[@edfreak9001]

Forgive me audience, but it really bugs me how you can tell Stephen isn't looking at the "Guest" for the owl bit. He's pretty clearly looking off at a monitor to see what the owl's doing. And now you can see it too. *drinks*

[@ProfesorBerziky]

Confessions begins at 2:56

[@miraflynn8935]

That better have been a LOT of drug money. Wait that's not right...

[@phoebsc5993]

Hey Guys...where is Seth Meyers show this week...I can't find any u tube posts.....anyone got any?

[@Dumpknoedel]

Andy Bee dude he dead

[@retnavybrat]

+Andy Bee Maybe he's on vacation?

[@blakeearth]

Got an ad for Xyzal before the video xD

[@babygorilla4233]

Colbert your almost forgiven for the ad

[@joezim4254]

The stupid commercial is over at 2:55

[@josephsauer5238]

I've always wandered what the the live audience is seeing whenever they have an animated character part of the show. Are they laughing at the fact that Stephen is talking to nothing or is there something there that people watching on TV can't see.

[@adamshero9641]

I just got a Xyzal ad

[@brackobalm6457]

4:56 is sooooo true

[@Burningnewt]

I got a fuckin xyzal commercial before the video

[@kinngrimm]

This was not the first time he got on the show with alcohol. Not that i mind, just wondering if there is a theme i missed or if he just now openly drinks to annoy someone or what is going on.

[@SilentSub]

kinn grimm To annoy CBS and to of course... drink. you have to be drunk to talk about trump

[@ishtar0077]

that was funny..i enjoy owl

[@sarahsahara2827]

I get the feeling that Stephen is trying to tell is he has an alcohol problem

[@sunshinerobertson2133]

so cute!!!

[@Evildaddy911]

The owl sounds like stewie

[@bishop1412]

I'm definitely going to avoid Xyzal in the future now

[@MckiRobynsP]

3:15 that woman in the bottom right corner really got into it...

[@jeremysmith9694]

be wise all

[@PieALaMode]

this one seems especially dark lol

[@whalesong999]

Uhh, Nigel, owls cannot roll their eyes, they have to rotate their heads to see more to either side..!! You're some kind of mutant..! ;)

[@TroyBrophy]

XYZAL is just LAZY X spelled backwards. I thought it was a fake product.

[@TheHDStation]

wouldn't Benadryl help you sleep too?

[@alexyandfriends]

I googled it and Xyzal was an actual product not just a joke

[@funkngonuts]

2:56 actual video starts.

[@asliuf]

i fucking hate drug companies. eat vegetables, take less drugs.

[@Ravendas]

But the vegetables give me allergies, which I need the drugs for :(

[@dylanbarkhuizen7227]

Yeah! Fuck aids patients, fuck kids who live through asthma, fuck people surviving small infections! I mean you can hate drug companies (I do) but drugs have saved more lives wars have taken. Vegetables just have no real effect on any diseases.

[@EbyKat]

I fucking hate self righteous people who haven't had to deal with serious illness and are fine with making those who do suffer feel even shittier by judging them for taking medication.

[@asliuf]

hey EbyKat, I really didn't mean to come across as judgemental and I apologize for doing so. I know there are millions, probably billions of people in the world getting help through medicine and I think that's a wonderful thing. I was mostly just annoyed at the huge allergy spot in the colbert segment.

[@EbyKat]

asliuf thank you for responding so politely. For my part I will apologize for being excessively rude. I know too many people who truly need medication for mental health problems or diabetes or pcos and the mentality of "people don't need medication it's just a conspiracy by the drug companies" is not uncommon and it does real harm to people to hear that message. Especially children and teens who need the support even more so. Please keep the impact of your words in mind with this. I hope you have a good day.

[@cinne2135]

Nigel! You are too cute.

[@marshalldowning7611]

I got a Xyzal commercial before this...

[@2Scribble]

Confession: I'm not wise-all... I don't take xyzal

[@Johnthetypist]

Take Xzzzz(sleep)Yal(you all)..............GET IT?

[@gregoryshumakevich8558]

read the description

[@Sometimeandplace]

Skip to 2:54. You're welcome.

[@audreyh6628]

Did I just actually want a fucking ad on Colbert???

[@arielsteinsaltz1956]

Pretty sure it's "wise all"

[@brent9129]

I completely understand the need for sponsorship but I hope you guys do use a bit of discretion

[@williamravenclaw2729]

i see the ad before the vid an the ad IN the vid ho! humanity! :'(

[@all_your_baser_belong_to_us]

Sad to see big pharma plug on Stephens showzxz

[@MrGdangles1]

dont be fooled, Xyzal is literally enantiomerically pure Zyrtec! The exact same active ingredient !

[@richardchristensen7431]

"The wise all take Xyzal"

[@AmusementLabs]

Roses are red In video product placement is a bore, skip all the BS by jumping ot 2:54

[@AustinLittley]

Did not come to watch an ad.

[@contingenceBoston]

Be smart; take Lart.