Stop daydreaming & start living | It’s time to face your feelings

[@existentialgroove]

Hi everyone! Thanks for being here 😊If you want to stay connected, vote on future video ideas, and receive the occasional extra thought piece, subscribe to my newsletter here: reineorelia.ck.page/profile 💌

[@ardentlyandie]

I have never heard anyone talk about this before. i have ocd and maladaptive daydreaming is one of my compulsions, so I couldn't relate more. thank you for being vulnerable

[@NoLucha]

I've also deliberately gone a while without listening to music. What I found was that my mind became more sensitive to ordinary sounds. The sounds of leaves in the wind, the sound of my fingers typing, etc.

[@NoLucha]

I weened myself off of music though. I first started by only listening to songs that were spiritual for me. Then gradually just enjoyed the silence.

[@existentialgroove]

Totally! I also always assumed I’d find long walks boring without music, but it’s actually quite a relief. It’s nice to hear other people walking around me, living their lives, instead of being in my own little imagination bubble the whole time.

[@Astrid218]

ive done the same thing for as long as i can remember. Just blasting music in my headphones and dancing around my room imagining all sorts of perfect scenarios where I am just who I want to be. thank you for sharing such an intimate experience!

[@Astrid218]

something that really helped me is focusing on the way I love others. I try to love them unconditionally and I don’t love people because of their “greatness”, but because of their humanity and our connection. And then I try to ground that feeling and give it to myself, remind myself constantly of the way that i experience love, and that I’m also loved in that way.

[@existentialgroove]

That is so beautiful, I love it

[@elenahdzcantu]

​@@Astrid218😭😭😭 That is such a beautiful way of seeing it!! Thankyou for sharing 💖🌺🌸

[@TheAbandonedAccount7]

Wow, props. If I had to go 30 days without music, I'd honestly consider just giving up on life. The only thing I have left.

[@kagame6524]

Bro is on point again. Simply “being” is the antidote, with the good and bad moments. My vice is to escape thru KZbin/social media, podcasts. Trying to go on walks and raw dogging life to heal

[@natalielubikova1873]

You are speaking from my soul. Day dreaming has been my way of escape since I was very little. I grew up in abusive home and it was the only way to escape. Now in my adult life I can't seem to shake the habit but I am working on it! Thank you for this video

[@natalielubikova1873]

And Ps: you seem like a very cool person

[@existentialgroove]

Thank you so dearly for sharing your experience and for your kind words! I’m very glad this could be of some help to you. Happy to have you here :)

[@ttt69420]

As soon as I cure my crippling panic disorder agoraphobia I will get right on this.

[@quickfrog57]

This cut deep, definitely know that instinct to retreat into daydreams all too well. Great video!

[@EmilyAdams-q1h]

I'm a musician too. Everyone loves music, but for true 'music people,' it's different. Usually we are bitten by the 'music bug' in childhood, after an initial deeply visceral response, goosebumps, shivers, etc, and then it kind of takes over our lives. In a way, i regret going so deeply down the music rabbit hole because I feel that it legit stunted my intellectual development. Spending 10 hours a day, during my formative years, in the abstracted, space-brained trance state that one enters into while obsessively creating/contemplating music left me with certain deficits, I feel. I think a 'music diet' is not an uncommon thing for some of us. You just have to switch mental gears at some point.

[@arizeen5199]

We have the same journey ! What I realized is that I no longer need music or even my daydreams but it feels like my brain is just so used to do it since I'm a little kid that it is just doing all of that automatically. Only time actively fighting all these habits will help, I'm sure of it 😊

[@existentialgroove]

I totally feel you there, I still automatically escape into my daydreams now and then. I try and just laugh at myself a little when it happens instead of being forceful, usually seeing the humour in it is enough to snap me out! Thanks so much for sharing your experience :)

[@carolbenevides3690]

"it's time to face your feelings" whoa this came to me in the right time. I'm used to runway from my own deep feelings for years and it's time to embrace it without daydreaming or using another coping mechanism. The way I cope is projecting onto someone and I've been living in toxing enviroments because of that, I'm tired of not feeling able to nurture real conections with other beings. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. New subscriber here! Greetings from Brazil.

[@existentialgroove]

So glad you’re here! Thanks for watching and for your kind comment. You’re not alone with these feelings.

[@elenahdzcantu]

Woah, this video really hit a spot 😵 Since starting to grow awareness in my life I've become present of the PULL daydreaming has on me. Whenever something happens, or I'm just bored I suddenly find this URGE to run for my headphones and 'escape' as you described, but it's true that it has another side to it where you find your real self to be 'not enough' when comparing it to your idealized self. I've tried to convince myself this past months that this habit is not 'negative'. I've let go of negative thinking and other negative patterns that I find that cause me negative emotions, but the problem with daydreaming is that when I do it it just feels good, it is filled with positive emotions of fullfilment and excitement but I've been ignoring the fact that it makes my real self feel 'less'. It has another side to it where it keeps you constantly striving for 'success' or 'greatness' in your life, when we are not designed for that. 😂 we can just be simple ordinary people and that's great! It is also important to know that whenever you have this strong pulls to do something it is not the best to try and 'resist them' or just ignore them or push them down, this will just explode eventually. The best way I've found of adressing it is to become aware of this pull and giving me a few minutes before going for my headphones to be present, and to feel this urge. I find that most of the times the urge subsides and if it doesn't then its okay the first times to listen to some music, trying to do it with awareness, but sooner or later that pull begins to subside.

[@existentialgroove]

I really like your approach! I totally agree that approaching any sort of change in your habits has to be done gently and flexibly to be sustainable. That’s why I definitely don’t intend to cut myself off from the power of my own imagination forever, it’s a great tool :) Just taking a little break from it to explore the real world for a bit. Thanks so much for sharing, I love your way of seeing things.

[@elenahdzcantu]

@@existentialgroove 💖💖🌸🌺

[@twotnwr]

Never have i ever related to a video the way i do with this one. Every. Single. Word. Thank you for sharing!

[@existentialgroove]

Aw 🥹 Thank you for being here!

[@nightnol]

This resonates deeply. Thanks for sharing!

[@bbreadz69]

Very pleasant video, i wish you well on this jorney❣️ I myself have noticed music being my go-to tool to escape my feelings. I dont think i will stop, not just yet. I experienced the loss of two loved ones across a short period of time, and i feel like im not ready to face the grief and sadness this has brought. Sorry for the vent, i guess i cant escape the feels forever🤓 Good luck, i hope you find peace and satisfaction in your life❣️

[@margett__]

I resonate with a lot of what you’ve shared, and I wanna especially thank you for sharing it the way you did. The way you speak is deceivingly simple but I can only imagine how many hours of patient observation and self-compassion went into achieving this level of chillness. I salute you for that, my dear comrade on this journey to accepting reality for what it is ❤ I know you’re all about embracing the simple and ordinary (and I’m totally with you on that!) but in doing so you’re actually achieving something extraordinary and rare in my opinion. The result of your approach is that your presence actually brings with it the sense of relief. At least, for me personally. I can finally enter the same level of ordinary and boring and not be ashamed of it in the slightest. This is freaking rare and I wouldn’t even hesitate to call it your superpower. I’m now subscribed and can’t wait to witness more of your journey ☺️ please, take good care of yourself and keep us updated!

[@existentialgroove]

Damn, you almost brought me to tears out here! 🥹 Thank you for your sweet words and for your latest comments. You have a great deal of insight to share, I hope I’ll get to read more from you in the future :)

[@brianwenzel8791]

This is exactly what I've been doing for many years, using music as a coping device from reality. Most people love their music, but I would use it to get away from everything that I couldn't or wouldn't want to deal with. This, I have found out to be an incomplete, delusional way of thinking. I still Love music, but now it's in a different light. I have mostly stopped listening to it to try and change my own mind & way of thinking. So far it's been difficult, but well worth it, in order to transform myself to become who I truly am. Not falling back on my music dependency to cope with reality has helped me be more focused on my goals. I don't want to just "settle" for average anymore. I want, and to encourage other's too, that there's more to life than just allowing yourself to be average & complacent with your own situation. Step out of the norm / comfort zone, and see what you're truly made of, in order to live a full, fulfilling life. I don't understand how this lovely lady could consider herself unattractive in any way. She naturally looks great, and has a wonderful, beautiful soul. Many men would love to have a special woman like this. Stay true to your dreams, and never give up, towards achieving them.👍👏

[@existentialgroove]

Thank you for your kind words Brian, I certainly relate to your story!

[@epiphany8118]

oh my god this is so relatable haha, i totally do all of this and i’ve never heard it put into words so succinctly. also the part about pursuing averageness and the ordinary feels very pertinent given the olympics that are on right now and the whole culture surrounding that and the constant striving for greatness.

[@existentialgroove]

So glad this was relatable! I had a very strong suspicion I wasn’t the only one 😉

[@elenahdzcantu]

Yesss!! I feel like the olympics have awaken my push to daydream again due to all the culture of it as you said 😂 I feel like I just unconciously compare to them and a way of escaping this feeling of being less is by daydreaming instead of accepting who I am. But at the end of the day even olympic athlethes can be simple people, I feel like we just idealize them and their lifes too much that we compare ourselves to that. Let's just be real and ordinary!! It just feels so freeing and great! Better that pretending to be somebody else! I hope everybody who reads this knows that you are enough just as you are! You are great and you are loveable exactly as you are! The most beautiful part of you is not your appearance not your success, not your intelligence, but your beautiful radiating soul!! 💖🌺

[@theGhostSteward]

I think this comes to the idea of emotional copping¨ that being ¨forcing yourself to feel certain emotions to cope/distract" and how bad it is. Anything that gets yo off from acceptance and awareness is bad.

[@FantasticExplorers]

Daydreaming should be helpful, not unhelpful.

[@existentialgroove]

Facts

[@KevinTPLim]

Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing this :) I like how you think and share your thoughts

[@taniadoesasmr]

i can't tell you how much i relate to this. Thank you

[@existentialgroove]

I’m so glad! Thank you for being here. The mics are the DJI wireless ones, they’re great :)

[@posthardcoresinger]

I've gotten pissed at myself for slacking off with video games or whatever else before, heavy day dreamer my whole life too, including with music. A few times throughout my late 20's / early 30's I made dramatic changes, using anger as the fuel. It worked, lost like 70lbs, got stronger, bought a house, started a band, put a few songs out I guess. None of it was sustainable. I now know that I'm going to be probably worth somewhere in the 9 figure range in my lifetime, and the only thing I can chalk it up to at a high level is finding Jesus. I guess if religious language makes you squeamish you can replace it with something else, but if I had to approach it from a secular psychological lens I would say this; everything that matters is people; relationship. If your "relationship" is to some intangible thing like the universe or "staring at the wall clearing your mind meditation", that's not real relationship. It may be practically useful, for becoming un-overwhelmed at moments. If your relationship is to yourself ("self-love"), that is literally also, not relationship, by definition. I'm not even sure that is love, I think there's a reason we have the term narcissism. So, having a creator that you feel MORALLY accountable to, internally, who you can talk to, ask things of, watch things happen as a result, and whose motives you can be curious about (and come to realizations about over time), this is many times more engaging than any of the new age solutions I've ever seen. So even if it were false, you should do it. It's not, but even if it were, I would pretend it wasn't, because I refuse to live in a world of subjective meaning and subjective morality. Fuck that.

[@the.kleyko]

I've had the same addiction as you have had. But I developed some weird hearing problem where I have become hyper sensitive to sound "hyperacusis" it's called. doctors couldn't find anything wrong with my ears. They say it's psychological. But It specially happened when I put headphones and music on. Only because of that I stopped. I've no idea if my loud music listening has caused this but to be honest it was hurting for a while and I still kept listening on headphones. I've had this for over a year now but it honestly is getting better. It could have nothing to do with the loud music but it is something I am much more aware of now. Our ears might not actually be build to have sound so close all the time.

[@existentialgroove]

You might be right! Perhaps it’s also your body’s way of telling you it needs silence?

[@the.kleyko]

@@existentialgroove That's also how I've interpreted it. By the way I've sent you an email

[@Helllo786]

I do this aswell tho i dont think i use it to cope with ego hits. I use daydreaming w music more to cope w feelings of never being enough. I also just love story telling and making characters and story lines. It’s interesting how the human brain will reject the real life in defense!

[@existentialgroove]

I’ve definitely used music for the same purpose! Thanks for sharing :)

[@jonathon5075]

Always love your thoughts, thanks for the video. I struggle with not meeting expectations as well. In my case I think it comes from "gifted kid syndrome". When I was younger I got near perfect grades in school, and was told I was smart/capable, which inflated my ego and my expectations for what I could accomplish. It may also come from what type of accomplishment society values (i.e. if you don't get an article written about you then you aren't accomplished, etc). I don't know what to do about coping with the feelings in a healthy way. It sounds like you are sitting with the feelings vs. trying to avoid them, which takes emotional strength+kudos for being able to do that

[@existentialgroove]

I completely relate!

[@sinenkaari5477]

I always listen to music after and when i feel good. Try grabbing the tunes when you feel good to rewire your brain? I think my releation to music is healthy couse after a break up i did not listen to music for a half a year when i was at my worst

[@existentialgroove]

Oh yeah, don’t get me wrong, music is *not* inherently the problem. It’s a wonderful, very healing art form, there’s no doubt, and I never intended to give it up forever. I just wanted to stop using it as a form of escapism, to see what effect that would have on me :)

[@sinenkaari5477]

@@existentialgroove You were saying it's bad for you. Personally i don't believe in escapism couse what is there to escape into? Nothing at least for me. There's only what you enjoy and love doing and then distractions you may be forced into by the world

[@existentialgroove]

@@sinenkaari5477 I hear you! The most important thing is that you know what works for you :)

[@letterbox203]

Wow! Such a complex subject. First, sorry to you for not feeling good enough at times. Comparison is the thief of joy. I hope we can all get to the point that we are good enough all the time just by being ourselves. For me, looking at this issue is a little simpler. I start with are there absolutes? Or just preferences? If the latter, then we can take any action to satisfy our needs, if the former, well then you get back to reasoning there is a God of absolutes and then you pursue the path of what God wants. I guess what I’m saying is having God affirm your worth is a lot easier than having to affirm your own worth. Otherwise it seems so arbitrary. This whole question of life purpose and meaning is pointless if there is no God to reward or punish us in the end.

[@shawn6306]

i disagree because i think there is nothing wrong if some of us want to day dream imagination at all i don't think it's a bad unhealthy thing at all i think it's a great natural thing to me in my honest unpopular perspective i think too much imagination is not a bad thing at all to me but i respect your honest perspetive

[@existentialgroove]

Hi 🙂Thanks for sharing your perspective with such kindness! I actually totally agree that your imagination can be a beautiful and life-enriching thing. I certainly use my imagination as a source of creativity and inspiration and I’m so grateful to have that inner place to go to. My main argument in this video was simply to suggest that when we take it too far and start escaping into our imagination as a way of avoiding certain feelings, perhaps that’s where our imagination can limit us from healing certain aspects of ourselves, or building something tangible for ourselves in the real world. At least that has been a pattern I’ve noticed in myself. Thanks again for the share, I appreciate it!

[@toomanyhobbies400]

I don't agree with the remarks you made about your appearance. You have killer large eyes that millions of women would love to have. There is nothing wrong with you nose. You have good straight teeth, and your facial features are well spaced out across your face. Perhaps looking at photos of yourself might give you a more realistic evaluation of your good features, rather than just looking at your appearance in the mirror ( it worked wonders for me). If you're still not happy, perhaps a mini make-over from a cosmetic artist in a store might do the trick. Perhaps just a simple new shade of lipstick might unlock your good looks to yourself. I know you can do it!

[@ghfudrs93uuu]

Despite the title, delusional