Stop Trying To "Fix" Your Insecurities

[@R3LF13]

"Couage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to function while terrified."

[@MyValki]

Recklessness, psychologically or otherwise, where is the line between that and courage? I heard sociopaths were good soldiers at D-day.

[@ecospider5]

Exactly

[@ecospider5]

@MyValki You can calculate risk and do non risky things that terrify you. Many people are afraid of flying. Flying anyway is having courage. Many people are afraid of hitting a hornets nest with a bat. If you can get rid of that fear you still shouldn’t do it. Separate your risk calculations from your emotional fears.

[@RichRich1955]

Thinking about impending danger vs danger being suddenly upon you.

[@nanmg777-kb7sw]

@@MyValki I think the difference is actually being in your body and recognizing your thoughts and motivations. There’s a fallacy in Western thought that we can never know truth and that truth is subjective, but that’s a lie in itself. We know the truth, we just have elaborate psychological interference to listening to ourselves and recognizing truth and that interference is trauma based. So like they are pointing out here, recognizing the fear and where it stems from, NOT simply repressing it is the key to courage and growth. The same is true for all the thoughts and “subconscious” actions that sabotage or get in the way of growth. Recognizing them is the key to moving forward and healing. For example D-day. Idk if it was sociopaths or just highly dissociated persons who were “fearless” when storming Normandy. What I do know is that the fighter of WWII saw such atrocities they carried the PTSD for the rest of their lives and it deeply affected three generations following. Mental healthcare was not a thing for The Greatest Generation, some for Baby Boomers, and a little bit more for GenX but not as much. Dissociative disorders, alcohol and prescription (and non-prescription) drug abuse, PTSD, homelessness, seggsual dysfunction and deviancy including toward family members, toxic secrecy and toxic masculinity are all legacies of setting aside fear and then keeping it repressed.

[@nametho3347]

The best way to deal with insecurities is to accept yourself for who you are. Don’t change because it looks ugly to others or to yourself. Change because you deserve to be in a better body than you’re in now. A change in mindset goes a long way.

[@harrycampbell7594]

Yeah but that doesn't happen through just sitting down , like he literally just said , you have to overcome your insecurities, and you can't just accept yourself if you're insecure that's literally the whole point

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

​@@harrycampbell7594Why can't you accept your insecurities?

[@John-uw2je]

I’m not sure what you are trying to say. Are you saying to ignore our insecurities and be ourselves, or are you saying to acknowledge and overcome them? Those are two very different things.

[@vladimirdosen6677]

He is saying you need action, not only acceptance. ​@@rejectionisprotection4448

[@Pimpjit85]

​@John-uw2je this is tricky because it's actually rooted in a very deep spiritual lesson. The lesson is, there actually is no you, you created the person you are throughout your life. So accept who you are, but more importantly, when you can see who your being in these moments of insecurity, that's when you have power over it.

[@syrioforel6012]

“The only time a man can be brave is when he is afraid.”

[@Eyezick-l5z]

Absolutely amazing

[@2bNot]

I disagree. Simplistic wisdoms are often not true.

[@sakifrahman1531]

Eddard "Ned" Stark. What a chad!

[@haiyo7245]

@@2bNot ur so smart

[@zerocat888]

​@@haiyo7245 u too

[@starlitstealer]

i like the idea of becoming “friends” with your insecurities. instead of seeing them as sworn enemies that have to be fought, you simply acknowledge and appreciate their presence despite knowing that they’re harmful. in other words you’re accepting who you are.

[@georgesonm1774]

True - but remember, there still might be occasional unpleasantness resulting from when facing those insecurities, or them being triggered irl. I'd advice (also note to self xd) to not get overly attached to/ expect the feeling of 100% comfort in these areas.

[@josephmbimbi]

@@georgesonm1774 Yep, they are meant to be painful. my theory is that the insecurities are like physical pain, if your hand burns after putting it on a hot stove, it is meant for you to remove your hand and be wiser when approaching hot objects. Insecurities are meant to get your ass moving on this or that aspect of your life, and prevent you from potentially harmful situations until you are better equipped to face them. physical appearance, personality traits, competence, financial security, social network, meaning in life, etc. there are deep seated inadequacies that need to be addressed

[@ammarahmed1676]

Why would you choose to live with something harmful if there is a way to fix it? That makes no sense

[@josephmbimbi]

@@ammarahmed1676 because it is not a choice, it is a physical / emotional signal you don't control directly, and how your subconscious deals with those signals is well, subconscious, it is not a part of any choice or decision. Well, until your conscience somewhat successfully identified what your subconscience is doing and what signals it is reacting to, then it can make choices and actions about that. You will get further positive or negative signals based on what you experience after making these choices and actions, hopefully that cycle leads you to an upward and adaptive trajectory, but if you're watching these videos, like the rest of us, probably not lol. Anyway our inner being is not a monolithic thing and what we grasp of it is very tiny

[@andulasis6283]

Beautifully said

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

A big part of the problem is treating ourselves like machinery which can be "fixed". Human beings are always changing. To be "fixed" is very static and human beings aren't like that.

[@damson9470]

Good point

[@M.TTT.]

Ehhh nah, a lot of things are pretty cut and dry able to be fixed

[@brightpage1020]

💯 ❤ 🎉

[@malithsamaradivakara]

Anything we use externally like drugs, alcohol, video games, junk food, mindlessly scrolling through our phones etc. are all ”distractions” we use in order to cope with our insecurities. That is our way to cover the bandage instead of just facing it and going head on. It’s all internal. Start there.

[@I-am-Hrut]

See, this can be said about anything though. Work is just a distraction to quell our insecurity of being homeless; Love is just a distraction to quell our insecurity of being unloved; Gratitude is just a distraction to quell our insecurity of being ungrateful; etc. Anything can be framed this way and appear to make coherent sense. Except something that seemingly explains everything actually solves nothing. So unless you have a literal death wish, anything you do can be seen as a distraction keeping you from killing yourself. If that's the kind of life you wish to live, however briefly, then go ahead. But for most of us, accepting that anything we do is a distraction from some innate insecurity doesn't mean we should want to stop every distraction we indulge in. In fact, without some personal values from which to form a judgment, no distraction can be said to be fundamentally any better or worse than any other distraction. If you don't value your mental health and/or your productivity then doomscrolling all day every day is a perfectly good distraction. Or at least as good as any other. Obviously, this isn't ideal for multiple reasons. So this means you need to actually figure out what values you actually have. However, keep in mind that both the zenith and nadir of this way of thinking will lead you straight into nihilistic anti-realism; and once you fall into that pit it's very, very difficult to claw your way out. But once you formulate a value, uh oh! You necessarily formulate its antithesis-the deprivation of the value (i.e. an insecurity) and we're right back at stage 1.

[@Evelot]

@@I-am-Hrut im honestly not sure if ur joking but that makes no sense. Taking drugs, junk food, scrolling etc. doesnt solve the problem causing insecurities, it just gives you a temporary escape. Working DOES however solve the problem causing insecurity, because you wont be homeless anymore

[@ayubi3642]

​​​@@I-am-Hrut not wanting to be homeless isn't exactly an insecurity for most people. It's just an undesirable outcome that we try to prevent. Insecurities are a different phenomenon and stem from our uncertainty of our own value or ability. So working is not a distraction in this context but a solution

[@I-am-Hrut]

@@Evelot You wouldn't take drugs, eat junk food, or doomscroll to distract (or in your terms "escape") from your insecurity of being poor or homeless. You would do these things to district yourself from your insecurity of not taking drugs, not eating junk food, and not doomscrolling. Each of these insecurities may or may not be peripherally linked to your insecurity about being poor or homeless-just about everyone is insecure when deprived of dopamine; and taking drugs, eating junk food, and doomscrolling are relatively quick, cheap, and reliable methods of obtaining dopamine. But you can distract yourself from your insecurity about being poor or homeless if you become "not poor" or "not homeless". The obvious (and legal) method of doing this is to work for money (so you're "not poor") in order purchase a home (so you're "not homeless". But there are plenty of theives, inheritors, and welfare collectors who become "not poor" and squatters, homesteaders, and mobile home owners who become "not homeless" out there. You may or may not necessarily have to work in order to be "not poor" and "not homeless". Working is just one of many ways of distracting yourself from your insecurity about being poor and homeless. Like Dr. K said, you can't fundamentally resolve any of your insecurities by attempting to resolve them. By doing that all you're really doing is feeding your insecurities. i.e. "I want a house" + a house = "now I want to keep my house".

[@I-am-Hrut]

@@ayubi3642 "undesirable outcome" ≡ insecurity. There is nothing fundamentally different between the two concepts. You are insecure when you fear a particular undesirable outcome. Most people fear being homeless. Ergo, most people are insecure about being homeless. What would it look like if they were secure with being homeless? That's a rare breed and I don't personally know any of them. But Diogenes of Sinope seems like a pretty good example of this type of person. Judging by his example, they probably wouldn't put so much effort into distracting themselves to afford someplace to live and they probably would spend more time distracting themselves from other things they were insecure about (like sunbathing to distract oneself from deprivation of sunbathing and public urination to distract from, you guessed it, deprivation of public urination). This is why understanding someone's values is so much more useful in determining what course of action they should take rather than merely criticizing people for indulging in distractions-since you resolve nothing by attempting to do so.

[@crstph]

this is so true for losing weight, too. no matter what you look like, it’s so easy to feel like you’re not thin *enough* or thin in the *right way* -the way to overcome that is not to just lose weight (because it could always come back), but to accept all body types and understand that you are fighting a losing battle with a moving finish line. then, goals like “eating healthy” or “working out 3 times a week” can become self care instead of self harm.

[@dudewhatthewhat8983]

This is a big reason I don’t personally agree with a lot of “love yourself” messages. Like, obviously I agree people should do their best to love who they are and what not, but often the approach is along the lines of “you think this bad thing about yourself? HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT?!?!?! YOU NEED TO LOVE YOURSELF?!?!” And that just misses the point. People don’t love themselves cause they think they’re flawless or because they wouldn’t change anything about themselves. (The people who do see themselves that way, usually needs a really big reality check.) they love themselves, cause they recognize those flaws does not make them unworthy of love. As well as recognizing that they have strengths as well as flaws. Recognizing those things, makes it so much easier to manage and over come insecurities, because it lets you see yourself in more perspective and from more angles, then if it was all about what insecurities you do and don’t have.

[@ivydancer221]

wise words, man

[@2bNot]

Yes I agree. Your comment is a good way to look at things, rather than clever sounding cliches that are not actually true but sound good.

[@MZBS639]

I actually completely disagree. I think you seem to misinterpret narcissism as self-love. A person without self-love will probably never change. Self Love is the condition for change.

[@dudewhatthewhat8983]

@@MZBS639 I would very much like for you to elaborate, cause I don’t understand why you think that. I said, I didn’t agree with a lot of the messages cause of the approach. That people mistake acknowledging flaws as hating oneself, and that people delivering those messages often go “you’re perfect just the way you are! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!” I am literally criticizing other people from spreading that narrative, and then saying you need to acknowledge and accept your flaws in order to truly love yourself. So how did I confuse loving oneself with narcissism? And the way you’re talking about it makes it sound like I disagree with the idea of loving oneself. I don’t. “Obviously I agree people should do their best to love who they are” is what I said. And I agree you need to love yourself to fully change, cause you also can’t change without acknowledging and accepting you’re flawed to begin with. So if there is something I missed, that made you draw that conclusion from my comment, I would appreciate an explanation.

[@ExoticalT369]

Exactly. I don’t “fix” my insecurities, I simply “lean into them”. …and that works for me. ☺️

[@GotMyTowel42]

Face your fears people, you'll be better for it

[@Jayjaychavez23]

Thank you! That part about the difference between fearlessness and courage is how I personally teach my kid. I've always said being brave is doing something that scares you in order to accomplish something important to you and being a hero is doing that but for someone else. Fear is important! It keeps us safe! Another tip for anyone scared of animals for example, I found that learning more about them helps ease the fear. So is you're afraid of dogs but your new gf/bf really loves having their Pitbull around, learn about them. You'll feel better prepared and that will ease your fear.

[@damamind]

Indulging our own fears or deliberately triggering them in others is not useful or functional-especially if it stems from a lack of wisdom/understanding. This is true unless we are in a safe context, such as when we choose to be entertained at an amusement park or engage with fictional stories through reading, listening, or watching. In these scenarios, we consciously accept the experience as part of the entertainment, knowing we are safe. Suppressing our ability to experience these fears can get us in a lot of trouble, and tends to bring others along with us. Courage is the ability to engage in life knowing these fears may/even probably will arise but you also trust you will respond well, and make the right decisions/adapt well, and recognize/reinforce your trust in your abilities, and if you do not respond well, you trust you will learn from the experience and be far better able to respond well in the future. Either case, you will gain/reinforce something very good about yourself. Also, awareness/life, what we are is far greater than courage and trusting and learning. It’s fearless/peaceful unconditionally of what is experienced, coexists with physical or psychological fear, indulging or suppressing and facing them. It coexists even with the lack of recognition of its presence in every experience and even when experiencing/experience is dormant.

[@aratafreecs3445]

Thanks for the logical perspective change, it was needed. I've been slowly conquering some of my fears and insecurities over the past couple of months and it's helping me a lot. Fear of heights, admitting mistakes, talking more in group settings, going to the gym.

[@danielclv97]

So, these are basically like debuffs in games. If you have a debuff you don't act like you don't have it, you play around it, like if you get blind on an ADC you don't continue to attack the enemy and take free damage, you kite back and use your abilities until the blind wears off. Same with insecurities in RL, you play around them until they disappear.

[@heehoopeanut420]

THIS yes exactly this, some debuffs can even end up being good! Example, I was super awkward as a tween, but when I became a camp counselor I was able to bridge that gap between the kids who didn't quite fit in because i understoof how they felt. They even told me at the end of the summer that I was their favorite🥺🫶🏻

[@Hinarushi]

Hell yeah, bring the gamification so we learn better 😂

[@tiffanyapril5458]

@@heehoopeanut420 aww love this for you ❤ beautiful inspiration

[@natecw4164]

Bravery is not the absence of fear; it is acting in spite of it. Absence of fear means bravery by definition cannot exist.

[@Gloria-x6p]

@@natecw4164 absence of fear for me means u r very courageous

[@kamielmach]

I was trying to explain this to my friend about my anxiety. My goal was to enjoy my summer and make some travel plans because last summer, I was stuck in my anxiety. She said oh so your goal this summer is to have fun and have less anxiety. I said I couldn't control that. I can learn how to cope. I have to change my relationship with my "negative" emotions and learn how to hold them close, procces them, and let them go.

[@heehoopeanut420]

This. I wish I was told growing up that a lot of issues never "go away", we just get better at dealing with them. Much.more realistic advice that I desperately needed, because I entered my 20s thinking I'd be magically healed from all of my trauma😂

[@MattRoweJr]

I believe the End goal is to shift into becoming 1:1 with yourself rather than “improving” you are just embodying what your potential already is. While you’re naturally elevated you begin to understand your past more. I like to think of it as your mind filling in the low spots naturally, like water in a river. ❤

[@leon6777]

Personally speaking I've been able to come to terms with and process a lot of my insecurities(I have a slightly lazy eye and a rather large nose) by telling myself, when I notice and start feeling insecure, is that I am the only one fixating on them, other people don't notice and that it's my brain being a bit silly in the moment, which is objectively the truth. It took me a while to convince myself this is true and repeating affirmations like this over time has really helped my self-esteem

[@girlyboss703]

This is one thing I'm actually happy to say I'm working in the right direction toward :] for the longest time, I've been scared of "growing up". Working, internships, all that stuff. I'm a college sophomore right now, and like. I've been so nervous to get a job because of avoidance behaviors and such, but I'm really excited to say I've been offered employment and have accepted the offer! My first job !!! It's a step in the right direction for me. Gotta work on a million other things but you know. Baby steps

[@puppetmaster8819]

If a problem is a sickness/pain, then: Fearlessness = alleviating the problem Courage = treating the problem In order to get truly well, one must treat their own problems, not just removing the pain for convenience.

[@jennh2096]

Its doing things in spite of your fears. Then, the more you do those things that you are fearful of, you will eventually overcome that fear. That is what real growth looks like.

[@D20Steel]

I never tried to get over my fear of spiders. I developed a dislike of them because one scared my nephew. I didn't want to seem like a pathetic adult so I just picked it told him it was silly to be afraid of something so small and not poisonous since we live in Canada and tossed it out the window. Ever since then while I dislike spiders, I'm no longer afraid of them and while I'll freak out if it crawls up my arm, I'm completly fine picking one up with my bear hand. It's easier to change yourself for other people than it is to change for yourself.

[@Fran-xmlo]

it is true that changing bc of external validation is easier but that will only continue being true if never learn why I don't have self worth. With true self worth comes internal validation "I won't let myself w=down because I don't *want* to" THAT way I can hold myself to very possible standards and not let myself down bc I value myself.. but I just don't know how to get there yet (:

[@10_Bit]

You got bear hands…?

[@D20Steel]

@10_Bit I'm Canadian. We don't have the right to bare arms so I chose the next best thing.

[@whoaitstiger]

​@@10_BitYeah if I had an actual bear hand picking up spiders would be no trick. I'd be picking them up all day with that bad boy. 🐻🤌🕷️

[@Locut0s]

Love this advise. I have found that my greatest "security" has come from understanding and accepting myself as a very insecure person. Slowly coming to love and accept my insecurity.

[@ebrennie]

Mindfulness really changed how I relate to my insecurities. Somatic meditation especially has helped me see my body in a whole new way. And I’ve built this incredibly fascinating relationship with my body. It’s so difficult to describe but it’s like I’m finally fully in my body. I am embodied. And I can tell when I’m not. I’m so in tune with my body, it’s not funny. I wish everyone could experience this.

[@kaitlynallen8082]

THANK YOU FOR THIS PERSPECTIVE!!! I've been trying to find the words to make this point to people!

[@vyvianalcott1681]

Can you explain it to me better then? Because it sounds like he's saying "just live with and embrace that you're insecure and fight through it," which is terrible advice you can literally just reprogram the thing that makes you insecure.

[@kaitlynallen8082]

@@vyvianalcott1681 What he's saying is, for example, if you're insecure about being fat, getting skinnier doesn't actually heal that insecurity. It just delays it for another time where you might happen to gain weight, and in the worst case that goalpost may shift with you, such that you never feel like you are truly skinny enough. That insecurity can only be truly solved at the root, by working through your associated fears. If the only way you deal with your insecurity is by taking those feelings away from yourself, you aren't healing, you're distracting yourself.

[@vyvianalcott1681]

@@kaitlynallen8082 That didn't come across to me or a number of other commenters at all, but yes I generally would agree with that if that is what he was saying.

[@fran6b]

​@@vyvianalcott1681 Overcoming your insecurities by facing them instead of numbing ourself to do so should teach you that they're not as powerful and intimidating as you might think. In the long term whit that attitude, those insecurities can become a form of positive stress that brings out the best of yourself. But if you numb yourself to face them, you just risk to create a vicious circle where you regret your actions while falsely courageous, making your insecurities worst, which incite you to numb ourself harder. You should numb yourself moderately to celebrate your courage, it's fun! but not to do stupid thing you'll regret later! My take on Dr. K's short.

[@mannifinalsummer4544]

My experience is if you have insecurities, try to find out where they come from and then eliminate the source as best as possible. And if you can't do that completely then learn how to do Deal with it. And as I also feel the need to educate as no one ever talks about it! And it would've helped me so much knowing I'm not the only one with this issue. I suffered many years from stress induced bed wetting. As a child and teenager it happened at least once per month, sometimes more often. My dad always made stupid comments about my wet mattress in the garden, the regular washing, etc. I did beat myself up for it bc bed wetting is only a thing for small kids up to five years, right?! So I'm broken and wrongful and just a living failure. It was a rabbit hole where I did feed into the insecurity every single day, just waiting and dreading for the next accident. It was a really stressful time in my life where I was put on anxiety medications and all that. Then I went to boarding school, still with a backpack full of fear, but I had learnt to deal with it enough to mostly hide it. It got gradually better over the years being away from shitty comments from the parents and complaints about getting a new mattress again. Then in my late twenties I had one last incident at my parents place and I broke down in my mums arms. In this moment I started to accept its a part of my life, it'll never fully go away. I rarely have incidents now. Maybe twice or three times a year. And that's fine! Now I know emotional stress and unfulfilled expectations are a huge trigger and I implemented my own lil relaxing rituals before bed on those stressful days. So if there's anyone out there dealing with the same issue, don't give up. Try to accept it. We aren't machines, our bodies and minds aren't perfect. If you have an issue, try to deal with it, cut off the trigger strings as best as possible. And just accept that you are okay, maybe not now but soon you will be. Embrace your independence and fight your way out of the cage of anxiety or whatever stresses you the most. I made it, even if it took me 30 years with no help whatsoever. So can you, but hopefully with help. Just be patient and kind to yourself when no one else is ❤

[@SlapDash69]

"That’s my secret, Captain. I’m always drunk." - Bruce Banner

[@Vent_en_poulpe]

Social lubricant when you have a date, sounds dirty xD Sorry it was an easy one

[@daemonxblaze]

I just stop caring. Oblivious is better than fearless.

[@abhinavvatsa7832]

It’s not temporary if you never stop drinking

[@heehoopeanut420]

😂 you taking advice from my grandparents huh?

[@theyetti90]

That’s my secret, Cap. I’m always hammered. (Avengers theme plays as I fall down flight of stairs 😂) I don’t actually even drink, hope y’all got a laugh.

[@kibblesnbits3174]

This is my method and I do not recommend it lol

[@2s2bs]

This man has such a great head of hair and its making me insecure. Still love you, man ❤

[@luxceleste]

perks of being an indian

[@sabiro2315]

​@@luxceleste tell that to all my bald or balding Indian relatives lmao

[@luxceleste]

@@sabiro2315hahaha 😢

[@2s2bs]

@@luxceleste But I'm Indian LMAO

[@irritableindian]

@@luxcelesteI’m Indian, and can confirm we don’t have the best hair genes lol. 24 and already have lost a lot of my scalp over the past 3 years. Dr. K won the genetic lottery in that regard, dude has magnificent hair!

[@samgould8567]

Yeah. As a person who stutters and used to hide it well (still could, but mostly choose not to), I find this to be totally accurate.

[@Tubbysneederful]

I understood then when trying to heal from disease. Like “I don’t like that X is like this”, but an interesting perspective shift can take place if you just replace X with self or me. Then you realize that it isn’t the condition that is causing the problem, but what arises out of you which is the problem. Our minds like to create separation in this aspect and all the separation does is instinctively creates an inseparable attachment.

[@mufin6930]

'fixing' insecurities usually winds up happening through totally unrelated life experiences. Trying to do it intentionally may work for some insecurities if you have the right mindset and setup, but it's probably more efficient to forgive yourself for who you are now and keep moving forward . You'll resolve some of your problems automagically as long as you don't refuse all of your opportunities and invitations.

[@user-gx8dl1dt2y]

While this might be true, it can be an important step. Using the same example with alcohol and social settings, a person might be super avoidant of them, but they hear alcohol is a social lubricant, so they try that the next time in a social setting. Well, with their little experiment, they might have a really good time and realize those social settings aren't as daunting as they think. The problem comes with this conclusion. What Dr. K is saying to avoid is a conclusion that says, "oh, if I want to be in a social setting, I need alcohol." I completely agree. However, the conclusion can also be "wow, that wasn't that big of a deal, maybe I'll try it without alcohol next time." So yes, avoid the former conclusion, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to implement methods to solve your insecurities because they can ultimately help.

[@MiamiChica]

Unfortunately people never follow this advice. They will always bully others and take anger out onto their friends. I gave up on all my insecure ex friends who kept abusing me over and over again.

[@burt2800]

Amen. Same goes for any insecurity.

[@barbyyakubu6718]

He is absolutely correct👍. Nature always has a way of testing you or presenting situations to help you overcome . Some embrace the opportunity with internal strength or courage to beat their insecurities while others accept and live with it. However it begins with the mind, you can never excel or grow past your mindset. Stay blessed 🙏✌

[@supershortsch]

Fixing the problem is always good it automatically cures your insecurities

[@2bNot]

The absence of courage can often occur unrelated to the presence, or not, of any fear. It can be the selfish disregard for others or the lust for popularity or personal advantage.

[@DavidWayne-w7n]

It took a long time for me to understand all of my “mental health” issues like maladaptive daydreaming, severe social anxiety, paranoia was just my subconscious trying to protect my mind. I went through a lot of trauma and my subconscious no longer trusted my conscious to keep myself safe, so it took over. And the only way I could get rid of them was by becoming the type of person that would make my subconscious feel safe.

[@nonibeyong4409]

@@DavidWayne-w7n and how did that grow on you. I’m sure it was gradual but what fueled it. Was it therapy? Books? Apart from you working on it diligently. I’m just curious

[@DavidWayne-w7n]

@nonibeyong4409 luckily I had a understanding dad that allowed me to stay home all day and watch a ton of self help videos, psychology videos, meditation, etc. And everything just started to fall into place.

[@nadyatytian279]

This is so true. You need to do the work on yourself to grow into a more functional person. If you know something you do hurts others, you have to find our the reason why you do it, and then stop doing it. I mean, for good.

[@Taurusboy07]

I love your deep level of insight. You are very good.

[@lauraelliot5716]

Insecurities are a part of life. If you have them it is ok, it just takes time to build your self esteem to get over them or learn to live with them. Self love is something that changes over time, it evolves

[@BaptisteMartin-tg8tm]

Yep. You need to give up on your fear to actually make it disappear. Running away from it won't help you. How do you think i overcame my fear of high places ? Answer : my dad forced me to go walk with him, even on high places. So now i don't fear them anymore. Was kinda hard tho 😰

[@yvonnes7412]

I changed when I realized the only bad part about insecurities is what other people see. (Ie. if you seem insecure/nervous, it makes them uneasy). If you simply accept yourself, stand tall, take up space, and be confident, no one else will ever notice whatever it is you’re insecure about 😅. Because they will feel comfortable around you when you’re confident and genuine, and most people primarily focus on how they feel. … maybe if it’s physical they would notice something but they won’t feel weird about it because YOU are confident. Everyone has their physical flaws so others tend to overlook them. Edit: Another way to think about this is what they tell ballet dancers/theatre actors: If you make a mistake, JUST KEEP GOING confidently. People are much less likely to notice the mistake if you don’t freak out about it 😂. Same thing for whatever insecurity. Maybe you stumbled over a word or said the wrong thing, just keep talking confidently (maybe correct a word you mispoke quickly) and people won’t really notice.

[@MariaDiez-qo6cb]

This man is gold 🥇❤

[@Ehllo_Mello]

*Cou(r)age is not absence of fear, but the ability to function 👇🏼 while terrified.

[@TravisPluss]

Dr K is a godsend (not religious, but I’ll take it!) ❤

[@voska7390]

You can get rid of fear by feeling the fear and just accepting it then it just goes away. Learned this with public speaking. You don’t feel fear once you start talking. Feeling it before keeps you present just feeling as step out and do that thing. Scared to ask a girl out. Feel the fear, get present do it.

[@claudiabcarvalho]

Been there, done that. That's 100% true.

[@TeresaSvk]

Started going to the gym was fck terrifying 😢😢 but j decided to do it anyway. Im so proud, now i go regularly 😊 you can do it too!

[@ArnobXi]

When has it ever gone good trying to Fix things

[@ts3858]

Courage is to accept the feat eith compassion and do it anyway

[@sageyt3743]

I just lost my girlfriend due to my insecurities and I have learned the hard way , all I had to do was accept myself , relax and live. I tried to control it deny it and , guess what I tried to control and deny her. When I should of accepted her, relaxed her, and lived with her

[@DarKEreXion]

Thank you dr

[@SherlockX-sx5xk]

I don't understand the connection like i still don't know what to do about an insecurity

[@mikeyollie9]

From many other videos where Dr. K explains this(I wish I had the exact video to link for you) you sit in the insecurity. You allow yourself to sit in the space that makes you feel that insecurity. The overcoming the insecurity is just learning how to first recognize the feelings you’re having then manage them so that when you want to ask that girl out you already know you will be shitting bricks but because you expected it you will still be able to do it. And the more you practice that “working through the insecurity” the easier it becomes until you no longer pay attention to it.

[@ofekmizrahi3079]

You don't let it affect your behaviour negatively

[@asparrow9876]

​@@mikeyollie9 What about insecurities that keep being brought up as reasons for constant rejection? Like height, or endowment size, or disfigurement.

[@asparrow9876]

​@@mikeyollie9 Especially when said insecurities and consequent rejections are the source of any loneliness/self-harming habits.

[@mikeyollie9]

@@asparrow9876 you have to realize that those are not real. They only exist in the context of other humans. You as a being only need to be the yourself. Whatever height, weight, color, accent, curly or straight hair, if you were the only person on earth you wouldn’t be tall or short or fat or skinny. You would be you. Height and weight give you plus or minuses to life stats but you have other stats you can focus on. Focus on the things you can control, if you can’t control it, it’s something you have to accept and work around.

[@BarnacleBob-fy7bo]

Both are accurate though....courage to stand a fight (literally) is a good trait...also making a commitment to boxing gym so your competent also relevant. Just my opinion...

[@itzmadisonduh5368]

Thank you for all your feedback❤❤❤

[@crilleedara]

I agree, well said. Reminds me of the cure vs antidote-thing

[@Aecko]

When I get insecure, I accept it. I accept that being insecure is normal and then try to figure out that is leading to that insecurity and solve it.

[@UncleJoeyPodcast]

100 💯 percent. I learned this idea from Dr. Lipton 👍

[@Jorbz150]

This seems to presuppose that insecurities are inherently flawed. Maybe we are insecure about certain things for a reason, and benefit from changing.

[@theneonpact6578]

That depends on the level of control and agency you have over said insecurity. Some people will go to the farthest extremes to solve their insecurities, like plastic surgery. Working out/dieting to achieve body image goals is only a net positive if you pursue it through safe and healthy means.

[@user-me9vk8df6p]

​@@theneonpact6578that is true, we need to be more aware of the limits that we go through while acknowledging the things that actually results to good change. That's why drawing the line really helps for that balanced life people have been asking for, because not finding that line will make the person to want more change therefore never being satisfied with it.

[@Ryosuke1208]

Part of changing is to accept yourself for who you already are

[@Jorbz150]

@@theneonpact6578 I don't think all plastic surgery is significantly dangerous. I don't consider it to necessarily be a bad "extreme".

[@theneonpact6578]

@@Jorbz150 Certainly not all of it. Some people just have a deformity they want correct, and it's usually not very invasive or life-threatening. Some people turn themselves into monstrosities in pursuit of an idyllic image, often times that has many health risks.

[@seyproductions]

I agree, but i still prefer fearlessness to courage

[@fellowperson6406]

It's almost like how people would rather sit and suffer with a situation for an extended period of time rather than spending a few uncomfortable brief moments talking about it and resolving an issue - a spousal disagreement about something for example.

[@gatorssbm]

The problem with that is its hard especially for guys to step into something like that when its usually not in their favor or is brushed off like it doesnt exist. Even in spite of that we have to recognize not everything is not our fault and it is still possible to overcome this even if the cards are not in our favor, just itll still be damn hard.

[@redgreen2453]

As usual people be like “the insecurity’s all in your head” and it’s like nah, I got beat up enough as a kid to know that’s not true

[@asparrow9876]

The gaslighting went super saiyan for real. 💀

[@dominikp1243]

At this point I was rejected and belittled so often that even booze doesn’t help to make my insecurities dormant.

[@Fran-xmlo]

great advice

[@kushagradubey9338]

I didnt understand which was the better thing here fearlessness or courage

[@RonanAquilius]

I get what hes saying but yes you should remove your insecurities, based off how he's describing it, it sounds like he's saying "keep your insecurity just don't let it control you" Not letting it control you is one step in the right direction, getting rid of the insecurity is two steps in the right direction.

[@SArthur221]

that's not a way to fix social anxiety, that's a way to get instantly addicted

[@mirror2922]

*fixing* an insecurity is nevwr truly done when you tame it thats what people teally do mean by *fixing* an insecurity. It causes less damage in interpersonal relationships, being more kindful of the dark alleyways you brain will go to perpetuate the insecurity. Think lack of body satisfaction, if its an insecurity their mind will gravitate towards unhealthy comparisons such as models, magazine covers etc. When that is far removed from reality.

[@lilyblue3205]

I lived this. Felt fat, lost weight to the lowest bmi considered healthy. My body felt so saggy I still hated it. Went to therapy

[@Wraithling]

Courage is persevering in the face of fear

[@vxxiii4160]

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid" - Franklin P. Jones

[@rosy265]

Im really insecure about my hirsutism and androgenic alopecia caused by my pcos. I don't know how to love myself and see myself as a normal human being. I have lost a good chunk of my weight as recommended but that didn't help with my hormonal issues like i was hoping it would. Will i ever find a person who would accept me despite all my flaws that now i cant seem to improve on them anymore. Like i am bound to be bald before turning 25 and i know my hirsutism grows back slowly due to my low carb diet but it's still there and it will never go away. I recently lost my mom and my hairloss did a speedrun and now i can see my scalp a bit too clearly for my liking. I will be wearing beanies and head bands to college i guess lol. Edit- the reason I am insecure is that people have treated me poorly due to my physical condition, I don't truly have friends, they were pretty mean and disrespectful to me when i was my heaviest. I stopped communication with them and cut them off from my life. If i was a "normal" girl that didn't have these hormonal conditions like insulin resistance and hirsutism then i would have a much easier life and be more confident in myself. I am trapped in my own social bubble and i only talk to one friend and that too seldomly. Depression is like a warm blanket to me at this point. Just a bit too comfortable in being alone and depressed and demotivated really. I focus on my lifestyle but i cant seem to focus on my studies. I have been avoiding stress in every possible way which has done me more harm than good from a career perspective. I am eating the right things and exercising almost everyday but that's about it. I think i lack focus in many aspects of my life. In certain areas like health i am motivated to change and improve but then in other aspects like socialising and studies i am like so demotivated. Sorry for all of this. Just wanted to rant. I don't know why i am sharing all of this.

[@m4d_destroyergodfray707]

"He who knows no fear, knows no courage"

[@blancadv]

I need some of that social courage.❤

[@AlterEgoPerspectivewBronxGirl]

In what capacity are you talking about with insecurities ? What if someone “fix” an insecurity and becomes content. And they no longer have to face that insecurity.

[@Vlek]

Most people see fixing an insecurity as removing it rather than getting over it Removing a fear is a l o t harder than overcoming it Its also alot healthier to learn how to be courageous in spite of your fear because itl make other fears easier to overcome Fear is a natural emotion, trying to remove it either means getting it out of you by marine-esque training by sheer desensitization(which often can still not fully remove it and rather make it dormant like hes saying) or becoming such a master of your own mind that you can truly change your way you look at something to the point you dont fear it

[@Kevin-kj5th]

Your correct

[@spinx2273]

We've all got that "shadow self" and it's not going away. Our dark sides are with us as long as we reside in these bodies.

[@johnlime1469]

An officer scared shitless going into a crime scene and saving lives is hella more courageous than an unfeeling officer.

[@psysmic7793]

I think the important difference here is insecurity tends to be more about you and not actual threats. For example thinking you look fat or ugly is a bit different from hey that guys gotta a gun that could kill me. Although I do agree about officers should be human

[@beverleerose6899]

Dr. K calling alcohol social lubricant is the thing I needed to hear today 😂

[@boonie6]

i love this guy

[@zyswanson7865]

basiclly embrace it and learn to live with it instead of avoiding it.

[@focusdj6987]

How can you overcome an insecurity like acne. It’s a problem you were on your face, definitely not something you can hide. I feels like I’ll never be happy as long as it’s there. Even if I have the most productive day, when the day is over and I look in the mirror I’m still disappointed in who I am.

[@anotherfool9278]

Fixing and overcoming are the same thing. Cuz to fix insecurity you have to overcome it. Conquer it. Your example of liquid courage is not fixing anything. I wouldn’t even call it a bandaid. Its just impairment.

[@Toe-Knee--Mir-Toe]

I've never understood why some gym bros will be completely shreaded and actually beautiful people. But still suffer from their insecurities. "body dysmorphia" I've seen a lot of your shorts recently and i have to thank you. You're providing a lot of amazing tools for people to use.

[@maratarias8333]

Exactly like im autistic and im just living eith it fr but ive changed alot of my insecurities cause its not who i look at myself to be

[@hypatia123456]

What a smart guy

[@captainmorgan2307]

You have to become desensitized to what makes you insecure; the only way to do that is to experience it repeatedly.

[@racecarrik]

The only exception is if you're fat and insecure about being fat. You should fix that insecurity, it doesn't feed into it, it only makes your life better 👍

[@Don-t-Do-That]

Couldn't agree more...

[@Slidesolos]

It’s not just like oh my face has acne or my nose is too big for me… I have lots of scars from the past and one from personal harm that I can’t ever get over and i can’t stop thinking about how I hate myself so much everyday because of it.

[@TheRexTera]

A little bit of anxious self-consciousness is better than no self-awareness what so ever. We should all think a bit longer before speaking instead of blabbering the first impulse in our minds.

[@aifungi]

the way is through, not around.

[@sethbrolsma516]

GOOD ADVICE

[@mrp3248]

i prefer to alwas be fearless than to have courage .

[@weightreleasebrandon]

This is an issue I'm having right now while I'm trying to date. I don't want to get drunk and have a conversation, I want to have a conversation, and then maybe get drunk. I want the genuine connection so we both don't have to waste our time if we're not compatible.

[@Soy_boy-by8ez]

I feel good when I dissapointed my das because then I won't worry about dissapointing him

[@Stele4Ever]

what abut stuttering? how do i "fix" it? since it wont go away and i see it as a big polar bear in front of my career, social and intimate life.

[@GardenofEdens]

Speaking and confidence is key for that .

[@shmockette7158]

Speak more and just laugh about it with people

[@darkcreatureinadarkroom1617]

I think Dr K's point is that ideally you would stop seeing it as a polar bear? But also, aren't there types of speech therapy that could help you with the stuttering?

[@binyamgebregziabher]

💯💯💯