Story Time ✿ I left my job to be a full-time artist ...and failed (webcomics & illustration)

✿ ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ Hi everyone!
It's been a long time coming (and even longer since I last posted!), but I'm finally sharing the story of when I left my full-time 9-to-5 job to pursue an art career - more specifically, to create a webtoon and freelance illustrations - and ended up quitting to return to working another corporate 9-to-5 job.
I'm only sharing this experience now, but this journey ended just over a year ago. Now that I'm starting to ramp up on a new (and very exciting!) webcomic/graphic novel project, I figured now would be as good a time as any to share this experience with anyone out there who feels like they want to take the leap (or perhaps have already done so) into pursuing a full-time career in illustration.
So please grab a cup of tea, a snack, and something to doodle on, because it's gonna be a long one!
Thank you for watching!
❤ Riniapple
˗ˏˋ ‿︵‿︵‿︵ Chapters ‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˎˊ˗
0:00 Cozy intro
4:12 Why I'm sharing this story
8:34 My childhood: The very beginning
13:00 My parents didn't want me to go to art school
14:50 Deciding what to do after graduating
18:07 My very first webcomic
21:00 All on my own
25:40 A spark of inspiration
27:26 Taking the leap to full-time illustration
32:37 Diving into my second webcomic
34:57 Self-doubt starts setting in
36:34 Pivoting to pursue client work
43:22 Self-doubt sets in again
49:53 Anxiety takes over
54:46 Job hunting & regrets
57:05 Black & white thinking
58:01 Returning to work & abandoning my dreams
1:00:49 Complete and utter emptiness
1:03:44 Going to therapy & processing the experience
1:06:49 My spark reignited
1:09:35 ✿ My new webcomic project
1:14:17 Outro
˗ˏˋ ‿︵‿︵‿︵ Links ‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˎˊ˗
Video by ‪@minniesmall‬ : • Quitting My Job to Be ...
SVS Learn: www.svslearn.com/
The Illustration Department: illustrationdept.com/
Webtoon | I'm Going to Mars: www.webtoons.com/en/canvas/im...
Webtoon | Follow Your Art: www.webtoons.com/en/canvas/fo...
˗ˏˋ ‿︵‿︵‿︵ Social Media ‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˎˊ˗
Webtoon Profile ♡︎ www.webtoons.com/en/creator/d...
Instagram ♡︎ / riniapple
Tumblr ♡︎ www.tumblr.com/riniapple
Pinterest ♡︎ www.pinterest.ca/riniapple/
Twitter ♡︎ x.com/riniapple
˗ˏˋ ‿︵‿︵‿︵ Music Credits ‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˎˊ˗
Song: Daystar - The smell of flowers | Source:
• ✨샛별 - 꽃내음🌼✨(Royalty Fr...

[@Riniapple]

Hi everyone!! ヾ(＠＾▽＾＠)ﾉ I just wanted to hop in here and say, "WOW." Just absolutely, wow. I am in disbelief at how many of you actually watched this video. Not only that, but the *whole* 1+ hour thing!! The many extremely thoughtful comments from so many of you have me tearing up. I can't believe how much we all share in common through our feelings, our struggles (especially with self-doubt and anxiety!), and life experiences. I'm still working through responding to as many as I can, and I sincerely apologize if I am unable to respond to yours, but please be assured I have read each and every one. And each and everyone has brought a *huge* smile to my face. Some a laugh, and some an eye-brow raise...? (☉‿☉✿) Ahahahaha! Thank you all sososo much again for taking the time to listen to my story. I feel so connected to so many of you. I feel this overwhelming sense of warmth within my heart. And I feel this renewed sense of excitement to get going with this new comic project I've been dreaming of releasing. I'm crossing my fingers that the story I share through this comic will touch many of you in similar ways. And to those of you who are like me - getting up, and falling down, and getting up again to chase your creative dreams - I wish nothing but all the best to you on your journey!! It's not easy surviving as an artist in this world, but to those of you who are brave enough to keep getting up even when you get knocked down (and after taking a well-deserved break to recover, of course!), I commend you. And I believe that although you may not be making any money from the work you put out there, your work is priceless nonetheless. You are sharing a real part of yourself with the rest of the world - a part of you that is likely to touch and inspire someone unexpectedly. And how beautiful is the thought of that (｡◕ ‿ ◕｡) It's likely that you've already touched someone with your creative work! Try to think back and remember. It's so easy to disregard and sweep kind comments under the rug, especially in a world full of so much negativity and criticism. Just keep hold of all the memories of you have of reaching others with your art. Keep hold and let that continue to fuel your fire. (✿◕ ‿ ◕✿) Love, Riniapple

[@Enjoyurble]

Good luck. 🍀

[@nathanjones9633]

Loved the video, inspiring and relatable. Just a few ideas, hope it's ok. Have you considered selling signed prints of your illustrations, post cards, gift cards, calendars? And possibly producing a series of hand drawn versions of your most iconic works - stockpile them as your reputation increases, and sell them for an appropriately exclusive price. Your work is really good and you can definitely make a rewarding career out of it. Keep building your profile and KZbin channel and you'll have no problem selling your work. Just don't sell it too cheap - high prices are reassuring to art buyers. Good luck

[@ClayKraze]

I was there with you

[@Riniapple]

@@ClayKraze you *absolutely* were. Thank you so much for that 🥹💕

[@shaise]

Luckily ur still a cute girl on youtube and simps bailed you out. There u go I didnt even had to watch the video

[@A6ugslife]

You didn’t fail. The fact you left an unsatisfying job to pursue your dreams is a feat conquered.

[@venomm4563]

No. She failed. Let's not sugar coat it, alright?

[@nrspinelli]

@@venomm4563 nope. failure = not trying.

[@A6ugslife]

@@nrspinelli Exactly! When one door closes, another is waiting to be opened.

[@solarydays]

@@A6ugslife what door did open here?

[@azzalan]

I think a better way to put it, is that she did fail, but failing it's ok. Failing is part of the process. And that failing is not something that you are, it's something that you do to learn.

[@ontune1715]

This is probably the riskiest move for anyone who's trying to make art as their career. Unless you have a lot of savings, it could work but still risky. I went to cons and asked professionals and I assumed making art was their only job but I was wrong. Some of them still have to keep their day job to support their art and only minority of freelancers are able to do it. This is pretty much the reality of pursuing art so dont fall for those "take a leap and chase your dreams" advices or videos that you see on Instagram or other social media. This doesnt only happen with art specifically but other creative careers as well like music. I'm not saying that you shouldn't do it but just be smart and really think about all the consequences and sacrifices that you need to make to take that "leap of faith". Lastly always dont forget to have fun while making art.

[@isabellal2840]

some other advice is to try to seek work that doesn't drain your mental energy. i wish when i was younger i had the mindset of try to find something stable that is p*ss easy for the way my brain works so that i can do art at home without feeling like i'm extremely tired at the end of the day. your comment is very realistic... you also have to consider why that is: that our culture simply isn't equipped to appreciate how much time and effort and passion go into making art. and thats why there isn't enough funding for it. so i guess i have two takeaways: maybe someone who likes making art could find a job in arts promotion/fund gathering, and that just cuz we live in a depressed society don't let everyone in your life whos obsessed with status etc. create guidelines that you as an artist move by.

[@LilyEvans1996]

@@isabellal2840 that is a really cool advice! I am going to try this out. I am looking for work to support myself while I write my book and I don't want to be a software engineer again while doing that. With engineering at the end of the work day I just wanted to go sleep.

[@427skies]

​@isabellal2840 This is why I work from home. Driving and dealing with people in an office drained me...I actually did less mentally draining work in office than now but because I have a lot more free time and don't have to be exhausted driving 2 hours round trip daily...it's so much easier.

[@flowerbloom5782]

@@427skieswhat job are you doing now? Is it still the office job as before or is it different?

[@DreamDesignDraw]

The captain of a ship doesnt see the desired destination for 99% of the journey’s duration, and not for 1 second during that time does he think ‘I’ve failed’. You haven’t failed, you succeeded the moment you wanted this goal and set yourself on the path to achieve it, simply keep moving forward. You’ve succeeded.

[@yt-sh]

Good point

[@dandansoysauce8762]

This is why I wanted to work in animation specifically; it was an art job that also happened to be a 9-5. But the job market is a mess for multiple industries right now, so I felt backed into a corner to try and start up a small business while at the same time trying to find a day job. But according to overall market trends, companies across the board aren't hiring at the moment. Even fast food and retail are increasingly more difficult to get into nowadays

[@flowerbloom5782]

The problem I see with a lot of success stories is that they don’t warn you about these possibilities but that’s cause they succeeded. I am proud of you for trying and please continue trying. Most scientists who won Nobel prizes failed for the first experiment to make a breakthrough. Resistance is important. Also many success strories don’t talk about diversifying your stream of income but just putting your eggs in one basket.

[@etheredge]

i just finished up a two-year ux contract at riot and my first day without the job this month made me feel so free and full of hope. i felt so ready to become the person i've put on the backburner for so long. i have a small but mighty safety net, enough to keep me housed. i am totally open to failing but i just refuse to go back, i refuse to be golden handcuffed...if i'm going to take a salary job, i want it to at least interest me, and that's that! and if it doesn't interest me, i'll do other things for money! i'm trying my best to be determined. 27 is the youngest i'll ever be again so the second-best chance is now :') i love your art by the way!

[@jesterfeathers]

I was thinking a few days ago about how “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence”, so it’s interesting seeing your comment right now. So many artists dream of the Studio Job™️but is that what we’d really want? 🤔 We artists spend so long chasing the perceived legitimacy and validation that comes from that regular paycheck for your work but we artists are also pretty weird and offbeat…. Is clocking in to a cubicle - even at an art-based company - really for us..? (Maybe if the company is really small and allows for a lot of freedom..?) I’m really glad you’re free to make your own artistic vision come true now 🙂💓

[@eiwhaz-tina6528]

Hey, I'm interested. You worked at Riot and you hated it? Golden handcuffed level?? Tell me more

[@potato5830]

Also interested, know many peoples’ dreams are to work in Riot’s concept art department and am wondering how it really is if you’re open to talking about it

[@KaterynaM_UA]

@@jesterfeathers I honestly think there are fewer and fewer artists who actually want a studio job. Covid and tiktok got everyone thinking that freelance is a good idea when for most artists it's really really not. Clocking into cubicle in art job is the best thing an artist can do for their mental health and bank account to build a safety net they can let go later on and try to pursue some deep passion and come back again if or when it falls through. Also small companies are way worse bc there you are wearing many hats and almost inevitably have to overtime all the time. Artist are not whimsical creatures, we are human who need healthcare and structure and who are often preyed upon by social media selling pipe dreams. I'm not saying studio work is the only choice but it's something a lot of your artists scoff at right now and they end up burning out and working retail, which is way sadder.

[@jinri_p1042]

How did you get into Riot?

[@hearteu5260]

Leaving is one thing but admitting your failures all out in the open takes an immense amount of courage. Youre brave and thank you for this, i learnt so much.

[@oredaze]

Very similar story here too - dream to be an illustrator, get scared of the difficulty to make art your living, working soulless jobs, giving up, etc. But in my case AI was the nail in the coffin. Now I think that your passion should be a hobby, not the thing that your life depends on. It's just too much pressure. Also, if you make it your career, you can't just do whatever you want no more. You have clients, responsibilities, etc. That will bring down the enjoyment a lot. May even make you hate it. Art career is just too much of a gamble. But do NOT give art up. Work at your passion. No need to give it up. I too have an all or nothing personality. It's not good. Art as a hobby is fine too. Problem is having enough free time for hobbies of any kind. That's why I am trying to figure out how to make a living without sacrificing your time. That is the holy grail, not turning your hobby into work.

[@MsMvsc]

quitting bc of AI is weak af

[@oredaze]

@@MsMvsc You are right, I have a weak character. But how can you also ignore the facts? Being strong and working hard towards something too risky is just not smart.

[@ohmygodbecky6829]

Do NOT beat yourself up over this you adorable macaron of a person. You did nothing wrong. If there’s one thing humans are good at, its reaching for something they want bc everything be damned. And its chaotic, got its risks, struggles - but we’re not all knowing. Its the only way we get what we want. But we need to keep reaching or we’ll never grasp whatever it is we’re after. You took the first step and hardship towards the life you want, and its going to be yours bc this is YOUR journey. Also, i appreciate the truckstop compassion you’re giving by making vids like this as you continue your story.

[@FromZeroToArtist]

As someone who is 30, just learning to draw for the first time ever, and wants to pursue illustration as a career, this is probably the very last video I should watch...

[@Riniapple]

Awe, I just want to give you the biggest hug right now ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚ I really hope this video doesn't work to discourage you! And if it helps you feel any better, I am just about 30 myself! If anything, I hope my story shows you that self-doubt is the biggest obstacle when chasing your dreams. I think it's easy to see that if I had just stuck the course and trusted myself, I may have actually made something of all of the effort I started the journey off with. All I know is that this is going to be a long game and the only way to see things through to the finish line is to enjoy the journey and keep believing in myself the whole way. Although I may have fallen down once (or maybe a few times) I am choosing to get up again. And I will choose to keep getting up because I honestly don't think I can help myself. I just love making art too much ヾ(＠＾▽＾＠)ﾉ I wish nothing but success for you and hope you choose to keep pursuing your amazing dream (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ You can do it!! Seriously, you can!

[@elyshieva7375]

​@@Riniapple well said ❤

[@anadwhy]

@@Riniapple I am so sorry but are you 30? omg...I really thought that you are max 20-21...lol

[@Riniapple]

@@anadwhyahahah!! I am 28! Turning 29 this October. I get that I look a bit young for my age pretty often 😅 It’s probably the asian genes (°▽°)

[@EvonneLindiwe]

I’m 38 and starting.. 😅 best of luck

[@CuteLih]

Thank you so much for this video! I'm someone who has constant self doubt because of my age, still living with my parents, not having a job and wanting to persue a career as an artist/writer/game developer (I guess creator would be a better term haha), so your video was really inspiring and even informative for me! It answered questions I never found the answer for, it made me a little more determined, even if my conditions are so limiting... So yeah, I just wanna thank you a bunch!

[@whachuupto]

As a 32 year old who recently got laid off and is taking the year off to pursue her own creative pursuits (while starting a youtube channel to document) hearing your ups and downs hit so close to home. Somehow, when you take a chance on your dreams and put them to the test, you now have no excuses... When things don't go as you think, you become confronted with all your insecurities as a creative. It's a wildly empowering path but not for the faint of spirit. Anyways, wishing everyone here the best of luck on their creative endeavors. Also, your voice is the sweetest sound and I could creepily listen to you for hours. 😂

[@Spiffycow]

This is so real 😭You and everyone else that has ever tried to pursue a career making art are *so* brave. I think so many of us have a beautiful creative spirit with a need to share our stories, and it's probably the hardest thing in the world to do, so it's nice to hear we're absolutely not alone. :) It's okay to try and fail, you will survive to try again some day. Don't give up, creative work feeds your soul, just like the 9-5 feeds your body. There is never shame in putting survival and mental health first.

[@WayneSmith]

I can really relate to this. My dream was also to be a children's book illustrator and then I ended up making comics. But there was a point where it was like, "What am I doing this for?" It lead me down a road of questioning why I was making art... was it for money, to be seen by others, self esteem? I definitely think depression is linked there because I felt seen and even if someone offered me a ton of money to make a kids book, I think my attitude would have prevented me from wanting it or enjoying it. It made me really dig deeper to as to what I had really hoped for with "making it" in my art practice. Part of it was community... wanting to be connected to others. Other things were fantastical... living in Japan and working with other illustrators. As I made friends with an illustration community in Japan and visited there, I found out they're facing the same struggles. It's just a superficial goal that doesn't lead anywhere. To me, it all boils down to how much are you enjoying and feel invested in your every day life, regardless of the art. The art is a practice, not a goal. When I hear your stories about the different jobs you do, I don't hear how your every day life is fulfilling. I think until we face head-on those issues, we won't find that passion for our practice.

[@AiresBruna]

You are SO brave for sharing your story... From the bottom of my heart, thank you for that.

[@Riniapple]

Awee Aires! Thank you so much !! ヽ(；▽；)ノI really appreciate your support and for taking the time to listen

[@Toribell1928]

Love hearing other artists’ stories and I’m excited for your new work! After realizing that I preferred a job with routine, I decided to become a teacher so I could work on my art in the summers (and because I enjoy it). It was definitely the best decision for me but I still feel like a failure sometimes. I remember seeing the same Minnie Smalls video and being so inspired. It took me a long time and quitting posting my art online to remember that I started doing art because it was fun and meaningful to me, not just so I could post it. I admire full time artists but I have to remember why I chose my path. One day, I hope I can make a successful small and local art business to do part time but I don’t dream of going viral anymore.

[@Riniapple]

I love hearing about your story as well!! What a brilliant choice in career, especially with the whole summer off to focus on your art! Honestly speaking, after scouring the web for the experiences of other practicing artists, I’m certain that the majority of them have some sort of supplemental income - whether it be teaching, part-time work, or a full-time job with art as a side project. You are certainly not a failure for doing so! (Even though it may feel like that at times. I totally understand 🥹) Amazing how one video touched so many of us! I’m glad we share Minnie Small’s inspirational video in common. I’m so glad you’ve found your way back to art and I’m so glad you’ve found a path that makes you feel comfortable enough to continue without feeling overwhelmed. I think that’s the most important thing when trying to trying to maintain a sustainable artistic practice 💕

[@Toribell1928]

@@Riniapple thank you so much for replying! This reply was really what I needed to hear right now🥹❤️

[@shatteredscry]

Honestly? I wish I was you. I feel fantastic about my art but wish I was focused enough to complete 4 years of college for a special Ed teaching degree. I struggle with focus and motivation when it comes to college classes so I always end up dropping out and feel like a failure. Sometimes I wonder if the world mocks me or if it is teaching me something. When it comes to art I feel far more motivated and determined, but with work and careers I'm a sputtery mess 😂❤ I do send this with love that I don't think you're a failure; you're someone I'd look up to!

[@randomsquirrelarts]

Thank you for sharing your story, I relate sooo much. I quit my secure job too for illustration and I expected not easy, but I didn't expect it to be quite this hard 😅. It's pretty heavy on my mental health and I am currently trying to find a part time job, so I don't feel like I am doing nothing, even though I know I work every day for it, but yeah. I understand why you felt the need to get back to that feeling of security. Your style is so so nice, I don't understand why people, especially those in the industry, tend to give out advice like "this is not what people prefer right now". I mean how do you know? Isn't it the point to be diverse? And there are 8 billion people on this planet and most of them are on the internet, so I can't believe all of us prefer the same style or whatever. Granted not all of them read comics, but I think each of us can have our own crowd. I am looking forward to following your journey 💕

[@Riniapple]

Hii randomsquirrel!! Thank you so much for taking the time to watch my video and for sharing your experience! 🥲💕 It sounds like we've been through something very similar Isn't it funny how we don't consider work that we aren't being paid for "real work"? When really, that's not the case at all!! If anything, working on our art is the most honest work there is. I sincerely hope you're taking care of yourself and doing whatever you need to do to keep yourself happy and healthy. It's not easy jumping into something like this, so I don't blame you for seeking some sort of stability again. Honestly, if I could go back, I wish I would have chosen to return to a part-time job rather than full-time. It affords you some peace of mind while still offering plenty of time to work on your art! So, I think a return to part-time is an excellent decision (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ And thank you very much for your lovely comments about my art (> //

[@aSimpleton]

Its the uncertainty that weighs on us which makes us question ourselves daily. "Failure" is an opportunity for growth. ironically I just started doing art and learning anything i can to improve. The thing i say to people that asks "what should they do?" I usually tell them to go find themselves - really look into what youre really passionate about. It seems like you have a true passion in art which is amazing but the weight of uncertanty is preventing you from doing your best. Dont let uncertainty stop you. With risk comes reward. I am currently looking for a full time job right now and while i wait for a response (hopefully very soon) I want to continue learning art.

[@KaterynaM_UA]

You are very brave for making this video and of course for trying to pursue your passion, most people don't even get to the point of trying! It's a tough career to break into and comics is some of THE toughest, along with animation. I very much relate to your story, my parents also pushed me into a "safer" career and I ended up getting 3 unrelated degrees before I've decided to give it a try after all in my late 20s and got my first art job at a game studio. I loved it but it was an entry job with a very small wage so I've tried going freelance for over a year and failed to make it a sustainable career even though by that time I was drawing for 10 years and had pretty good skills but not a great portfolio or idea what I want to do. I've also spiraled down into a pretty bad depression (and it was in the middle of covid too). But then I've managed to get a good game studio job and even though it wasn't anything particularly fun, to draw all day and be off and free by 6 and to get a VERY nice paycheck for all of that fixed my mental (and physical) health and helped me improve my skills. After two years opportunity presented itself to pivot to the job with smaller pay but the one I was more passionate about (book cover illustration!) but I was cautious this time and worked both for a couple of months. Not sure I recommend that but I was determined to feel it out before the jump this time and then I did jump. Been working with the same company for 2 years now and overall pretty happy! I don't know if everyone could or should be going the same route I did but now I'm very passionate about discouraging artists from taking risky leaps because I've seen SO many people burn out completely and abandoning art forever. It takes strategic thinking and some luck for those who want to do it full-time, it's absolutely possible. But of course to keep it just as a creative outlet is also a valid way to go! One thing I want to advice you please NEVER sign up to Originals. It's the way for them to exploit unexperienced artists and not worth it at all. KZbin and slow and steady rise of your audience is a much healthier way to go about it! I wish you best of luck in your journey!

[@Riniapple]

Hi Kateryna!! o(^▽^)o Thank you so much for taking the time to watch my video and leave such a thoughtful comment ❤ I agree that the comics industry is probably one of the toughest illustration industries to break into x_x;; Despite that, I can’t help but be intensely drawn to this medium. Although I may never make a living from it (or any income at all), I will continue to make comics for the pure joy of it nonetheless (о´∀`о) It sounds like you’ve had quite the journey!! That’s amazing that you were able to complete three degrees in subjects you weren’t all that interested in :o that takes some *serious* self discipline!! I’m glad you were able to find something you enjoy for work and I think it’s wonderful that you’d like to share your hardships with other aspiring artists to give them more realistic expectations and to help save them from the all too common burn out that comes with exerting yourself too hard to pursue your passion. Also!! Thank you for the warning about Originals! I’ve heard similar things and agree that if the opportunity ever does present itself, it’d probably be wiser to maintain control of my work and continue building up my own following ❤

[@leahgaspard2353]

Thank you so much for making this video and sharing your story! I relate to your journey so much and it definitely helps me feel less alone and more understood. I tried to pursue children's illustration back in 2022 by switching my full -time position to part-time (I was very fortunate that my employer let me do that). While working part time, I worked on my children's book portfolio for months after building up my art fundamentals, and I eventually sent it out to publishers and agencies. Unfortunately I didn't hear anything back except for a few rejections and "maybe one day", and I quickly felt the same way you did with the anxiousness and worry about making money, even though I did have some income coming in. I ended up giving up after my first round of submissions instead of reworking my portfolio. I got into visual novel games shortly after sending out my portfolio and became super inspired to create my own, so I've been creating a visual novel game since then. I realize now that creating a video game or graphic novel is much more appealing to me style and themes wise than children's illustration too. I also switched jobs and am working full-time again, and felt so much relief at having the stability of a full-time income. Being able to have balance between work and creating art (for us whose jobs are not art related) is so essential and important! Anyways, sorry for rambling about myself for so long- I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story! I'm so excited to see your new comic and all your future creations!

[@Riniapple]

Hii leah!! (о´∀`о)/ Thank you so much for taking the time to watch my video and for sharing your story 💕 I’m glad you were able to find some comfort in what I shared. I know how lonely it can be to face all of that uncertainty alone… it’s terrifying. Realizing that you may have to take a step back from chasing your dreams can be absolutely devastating. I’m so glad you eventually managed to find something that works so well for you! 💕 I absolutely agree that maintaining balance between a day job and creating art is absolutely crucial to a thriving artist. Burn out is a *very* real thing. It’s something that a lot of us artists don’t realize when we’re fully submerged in pursuing our dreams. Thank you so much again for your comment and thank you for your support of my comic ヽ(；▽；)ノ💕

[@impishlyric]

I can relate to this - always wanted to pursue art but never had an 'in' - there were years I would forget about it and then passionately reconnect with it. For me I think it helps to find inspiration and pursue it without thinking too much about the money otherwise it is too much pressure. It depends on the situation but I find it easier to stay dedicated to making art when I'm not trying to get anything out of it. If you're a full time artist i guess it is a different story.

[@Dracomies]

I've never seen your channel, but your title totally caught my eye because that's EXACTLY what I went through too. Around 1:02:00, I realized that the things I loved to do don't make enough money, and art is REALLY REALLY REALLY competitive. In my art classes, very few people MADE it. But I love doing art. I keep drawing, sketching, and doodling a lot. Like you mentioned, creativity and artwork don't have to go away; they'll come through in other ways. It's not so much about finding a 'job that you love and you'll never work again' but more about finding a job that pays well and you can tolerate. The key word is tolerate.

[@mangadud]

I don't think anyone can tell you that you did it wrong ultimately you just did what was right for you depending on the situation. But I want to say to everyone in regards to the anxiety if you're anxiety prone you need to trick it. Anxiety hates taking risks, keeping the risks at minimum is easier for reaching goals. For example instead of quitting cold turkey, cutting down your hours instead as you gain more work, or temping every few months or going back to education, taking a career break if that is accessible to you, condensing your hours...It's a bit longer this way but it could help manage the anxiety so it doesn't stop you completely from doing what you want to do. There's probably some other options but this is all I can think of. My anxiety would never have let me quit the unfulfilling job to pursue my dream so I've had to find other ways.

[@MGComics]

This advice is great, thank you ;-; I've been very anxious lately, so thanks for sharing your experience

[@zulal5432]

its very brave of you to jump into an industry that you werent specifically prepared for in college and perfect your skills regardless and relentlessly follow your dreams despite all that anxiety (not to mean that in a way that you were ignorant and jumped into things without properly being aware because i believe that you gotta start somewhere if youre serious about fulfilling ur hopes). i definitely think stuff is gonna work out for you in terms of ur artistic career so dont give up on social media and art !!!

[@sjaeger_art]

Going through a similar period of anxiety at the moment and trying to fight through it, so I really feel what you are talking about. You have my biggest respect for everything you did and how you're finding your way through. I don't see any failure there at all. I just see someone with a lot of courage to figure out what is acutally working for yourself. And I think this is just the beginning of a great story that you're gonna tell. Just keep on doing what truly makes you happy:)

[@StardustDNA]

It’s okay I’m kind of in the same boat but barely started up my business. I had good savings to pursue my business but a series of unfortunate events happened to where I couldn’t work on my business enough and then the savings are running dry. Back to a 9-5 grind now. I realized what I did was smart (having good savings before quitting my old job), but in all honesty I couldn’t have foreseen certain things - like a parent getting cancer… As long as you learned skills along the way that helped you grow, it’s going be okay. I finally understand the saying, ‘The experience is the journey’. Hope you realize such now too. And I’m still pursuing my business idea, but yeah on the side now too. Women in business we got this! 💪

[@Res_ER]

I’m 31 and going into the art career world and it’s something I wish I would have done sooner than later for sure. But as an older person I feel more confident in what I wanna produce and the future comics that I’m going to publish one day is something for me and other (whomever they are )to enjoy and that’s the best I can hope for ❤

[@chiukhalay]

As someone who also struggles balancing my 9 to 5 with making art and trying to find my place in the illustration world, thanks for sharing. I also stopped making art for some years and it has been difficult to restart that spark.

[@JustinThorntonArt]

As an artist, when people ask me for advice about becoming an artist this is my response. Only become a professional artist if you can’t be happy doing anything else. The financial uncertainty of being an artist is so hard. There is a reason the arts are full of people with either rich parents or have a partner with a good paying job. You need years of financial runway to give yourself the time to be successful. The overnight success stories are mostly fake. They are years in the making. The few that are true are extremely rare. I’m sorry you are struggling. I’ve been there. I’m close to being there much of the time. I’ve learned I can’t do a full time job and keep up with an art practice. When you feel ready next time maybe get a part time job while you’re also working on finding clients. But it’s also totally legitimate to just do it for yourself and not turn art making into a job. For a lot of people the money side ruins art. Good luck

[@su_artsandcrafts]

I am an artist/illustrator with dreams, and I am very grateful to you for sharing your story. Don’t give up; your art is amazing, and I know you will go far. You are very brave, and this video has inspired me a lot. I also dream of dedicating myself to art, but sometimes life doesn't go that way. I am 29 years old and have tried several times to pursue art. I won’t give up because it’s something I love, and I would like to live a life where I can dedicate myself to something that makes me happy. I just moved to Canada and left everything behind... my family, my friends, my home. But I brought my dream of being an artist with me in my suitcase :) At the moment, I am not working until I can get my work permit, so I want to take advantage of this time to become a better artist and pursue my dreams. I would really like to get involved and be in touch with the artist community in Canada. It would be nice to make new friends, share our art, and our passion for art. I hope the best for you and your future! 🥰 Thank you for making this video

[@Anjuliiii]

I am only in 20 minutes, but I really appreciate the honesty and unedited feel of this video - so refreshing in the jungle of videos that feel so fake

[@Riniapple]

Ahh!! Thank you so much for watching so far in Anjuliiii ＼(T▽T)／ I debated editing all of the "umms" and "ahhs" out, but I wanted it to feel like a sit down with a good friend. I'm glad you enjoy the format!! 🥰

[@SaraDott]

I cried while watching this video. I've always wanted to be an artist but my parents made me study foreign languages. I got my degree, got the first job that could make me earn some money, and I've been working at a car dealer for 20 years; I hate it SO bad. It's too late for me, art can be just a hobby in my life. But I wish you all the best, may all your dreams come true ❤

[@pummichell]

I felt very touched by your story. Just like you, I was really drawn to art since I was a child- I felt comfort in it, but I always felt I was not for it. Even when I practiced and started a degree, I gave up and sometimes I feel I did it too easily. Your work is wholesome, you should keep trying even if you sometimes feel uncertain. Believe me, I understand you in a deep level and you almost brought me to tears, but you are talented- even if it's hard for you to believe it right now, keep trying. Send your portafolio. I'm sure you'll be able to achive your dream.

[@solarydays]

I wanted to write a lot of things, but in the end it all boils down to one thing. Your skill level doesn't cut it yet. The fundamentals are very shaky, storytelling is not there yet, your visual ideas and style is not there yet. You don't have to be outstanding with all of these to make it on social media, but at least two of them. If you want to go the commercial route, then you have to be excellent with everything to be even considered. You started with trying to build a portfolio and a business, but it takes at least 2-3 years of intensive grinding to build up basic skills before you can get to the career building part. I get that you paid for a review and got nice feedback, but you are not going to get honest feedback this way probably ever. One reason is that most people offer these to build their own follower base and diverse revenue sources ( with no intention to train their own competition ), other reason is that it's culturally not acceptable to say anything negative anymore. Most self taught artists worked an average 9 to 5 job and built their art in their free time, we gotta pay bills. And that keeps up after you enter the field because you can only make enough money out of commercial projects. In the end you may as well just do what you want to do even if nobody pays for it.

[@Peronkaa]

I agree with this. People just don´t realise (that was me as well) how much grind it takes to be a good artist and how many years of struggle. There is also the part that you need to have connections and a bit of luck on your side. And nowadays with the layoffs in the game industry good is not enough, you have to exceptional in your skill. It is all very demotivating but is the truth. Just "loving art" is not enough, is not even a requirement. I also didn´t like the feedback she got, like, that´s all you will tell her? What a waste of 40 bucks!

[@queenofpents3442]

Very sound and realistic comment. Its a huge grind and luck is definitely involved.

[@solarydays]

@@Peronkaa Agreed, connections play a big role in landing jobs. Projects go fast , quiet often management will just ask their employees or friends if they know someone suitable that can be put on a task in a week. Having to go through interviews is a gamble with lot of delays. In recession entertainment is the first to go, now you can only survive if you are either on top of your game or you have a very diverse skillset and don't mind juggling from one area to the other very fast.

[@ingridn712]

That's one of the most important videos and comment session I've ever seen. Thank you so much for sharing ❤ I hope everything goes well for you, that you be happy, healthy and feel you're not alone 🤗

[@ally_mation]

I totally stumbled upon this video and think it was meant to be cause it really resonated. This is a really hard topic to even say out loud and share so I commend you for it. Showing that vulnerability and being real in a way is refreshing. I'm going through something similar and the financial burden of everything really does weigh heavy. It feels like it takes every ounce of energy to just do anything creative with that burden hanging over. Its sad that as creatives we are forced to choose between what brings us joy versus what we have to do to survive. (Even at the cost of us turning our art into money) That being said, its great that you still have a joy and love for illustration and storytelling. That's something that will always be with you and that year that you stepped away was healing you needed (Especially after powering through your portfolio) Glad to hear you won't give up--your art reaches people and I'm sure has inspired someone to pursue their own creative journey! I look forward to seeing your creative journey in the future!! You got this!!

[@somerando_4858]

As someone who's reaching the crossroads of deciding what I want to do for a career after school, this video is so comforting. I relate so much to your connection with art since I've always been obsessed with stories, illustrations, animations etc. and am now wanting to write and share stories through comics. I always decided as a kid that I wanted to do something creative. Yet now that I'm older and reality seems closer than ever, I'm scared of regretting either doing art or not doing it. It's comforting to watch a video about the hardships that come with art and even more so the mental difficulties. Just the idea of giving up something that I've worked so hard all of these years to maintain and the one dream I've held onto for hope has really made me feel depressed. Your video just makes me feel so understood. Thank you for sharing

[@itsdavidski]

I am inspired, you're so brave for sharing this. Thank you for pep talking me into staying in the middle. I also have a tendency to go all out or none at all. Balance is the key

[@isasartcorner]

Congratulations on finding a path that works better for you! It can be hard to take risks, especially when you tend to get very anxious. But it sounds like you took that experience, have grown from it and are continuing to grow now. I wish you the best!

[@arielseescoral2607]

I appreciate this video! It’s HARD to step out of your comfort zone and try to be a full-time artist. At least you tried and learned so much from it❤

[@Rari_ch.]

We love success stories. They inspire people to work towards their dreams. But how about the people that didn't succeed? Thank you for sharing your life experience. It inspired me, and I wanna share my life experience to the void of internet too. Maybe I'll also make a video some day. I'm an older dude that gave up my dreams of drawing, and animation because of financial struggles. Now, I'm trying to pursue my dreams again in my own ways. Just knowing I'm not the only one is inspiring in its own way.

[@MelMitchJackArt]

my goodness! this is so hard. I quit my job at Apple in October of last year and YES i am on this journey of self doubt and fear, the almost recoiling and trying to figure out HOW... "how am i gonna make any money!?!?" That 6 month checkpoint is such a big moment where you feel like you can "make it or break it" Especially as you start digging into your savings and you watch it dwindle. BUT i loved your really heavy shares about an hour in and im so glad your are back. I tried to be an artist in the way that the "art world" and my art school expected me to, now im taking a completely different approach and it feels so fulfilling! SO SO SO excited to see what you do coming back to yourself and your creativity again after leaving. 💕

[@avgenjy]

I LOVE YOUR ART OMG These types of art will look reallyyy delicious in games!!

[@gstra9577]

You never ever gave up on the dream. You let go of the pressure. You are amazing for sharing this and I can relate so much! 🙏 I am always afraid to talk about it, but this helped me to process what happened for me. Thank you!

[@Modernwriter_2]

I resonated with your experience, especially the part where you talked about feeling like you were drifting in the ocean with no purpose, giving up on the dream you were chasing or wanting most of your life would be like giving up a part of yourself, a big part. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

[@bobohuns9230]

I was waiting for you to get to the part where you failed but it never came 🥺 I don't know if you chose this title for virality but I'd say your experience was a testament to your bravery and passion for art, not a failure at all!! Just give it more time and I'm sure you'll find more opportunities for your creative talents! You're inspiring and gave me a sense of peace for my own pursuit of my dreams

[@Riniapple]

Hii bobo! ヽ(；▽；)ノ💕 Awee (>\\

[@nellisploffyploffy8954]

You are indeed super brave! I am so glad you found your own way to follow your passion! You definitely didn’t fail, or, if you will, you failed the “artist way”: you realised what wasn’t working and changed it, as opposed to completely giving up due to frustration. That’s failing successfully 👌

[@HugeFrigginGuy]

Your work and style is absolutely gorgeous! It's just a matter of getting it in front of the right eyeballs, and that unfortunately IS a numbers game with a fair amount of luck as well. Sounds like you're in a much better headspace at this point which is so important, and I do not doubt for a SECOND that you will get the opportunity to share you work with many, many more people. Keep at it, and thanks for sharing your story.

[@appolity]

It has that comfy art vibes honestly. Reminds me a bit of Mark Crilley's stuff in a way

[@shineefeels]

As an artist who is also in the process of pivoting… I just wanted to share a few thoughts. Every artist needs a portfolio as a proof of process in order to attract clients. One of the things you buy with art school in addition to critiques as you mentioned is time. That time is essential to build a portfolio as you found out. Many artists take years to shop that portfolio around to attract clients. You go from artist mode to advertising / promoting mode. So you did the right thing. I can’t afford to take time off to rebuild my portfolio, so I’m having to do it slowly along with my day job. If I could take time off, I’d also take a 1-3 month break to build my new portfolio. And then I would go back to my day job and slowly trickle content & promoting my work until I picked up clients. The promoting of your work takes time and is unpredictable. So it’s better to have a day job while you’re in the promo process. Additionally, take workshops and get involved in your local arts community. The more people see you and your work, the more opportunities you’ll get. Decorate your office with your work! I did that recently and was immediately referred to a mural project by a coworker. There’s a lot of different ways to get your name out there. Local might be better than online especially when you’re starting out. Webcomics are notoriously slow to build. Social media & webcomics build a following with consistency and regular updates. Social media & webcomics are long haul projects and I would absolutely recommend pursuing that alongside a day job if you’re interested in going that route. I hope this helps you in some way ❤ Good luck with your next project! Every artist should have something of their own. Client work and personal work fulfill two very different parts of your heart. As an artist I’ve found I felt empty and unfulfilled when I couldn’t work on personal work due to client work. So definitely learn how to balance that as soon as possible - consider your day job as your client work. All the best!

[@hayley5257]

Your art is absolutely gorgeous, down to the perspective to the quiet, comfy way you illustrate things. I resonate greatly with you as I similarly left to pursue children's graphic novel work after art school, but found that environment had burned me out. I did freelancing for a while but it gave me the same anxiety you described, and got a stable job at an art agency thinking I would be better off with stability, but realized doing art for someone else was really hurting me. I recently got part time work at a retail job and started doing art more for me and I am far better emotionally than I have been since I left school eight years ago balancing the two. They say if you love what you do you will never work a day in your life, but in my experience its far better to leave what you love to things you are passionate about and be kind to your creative soul. I really wish you the best of luck with your comic cause I read and really resonate with your first one--its such a shame that editor discouraged you cause it really is quite special. I don't comment this much on things but your journey really got to me haha

[@SaltyKoda02]

in a smimilar situation so was nice to hear this story while making webtoon. Hope you enjoy your day and journey!

[@cloepika]

Thank you for sharing your story. Please keep sharing your art journey on KZbin. Rooting for you!! Definitely don't give up on your dreams! Excited to see how you'll keep creating and growing from here

[@czeqer]

Dear Rini, As a 25yr old, your whole video is so relatable & relevant in my current circumstance! You didn't give up on your dreams as you're still here & have inspired 2.11k+ subs & 15k+ viewers--- other people(imagining that many people gathered in a room is impressive!) along the way who are here with you now to follow you in your creative endeavors. CONGRATS! Keep up the grit---daily, weekly, monthly, yearly---& beyond---a lifetime! From start to end listening to you I could feel & see your soul, character, & self-compassion developing. You are not alone in the life long wrestle with uncertainty as that is exactly the mark of a true artist & you've survived to continue telling your story. Thank you for courageously sharing it as you've given me & countless others further encouragement & personal reassurance in our own creative paths as a fellow artists. It would be cool to work on something with you, maybe a podcast, in the future if possible haha! 😆🙌❤‍🔥🕊✨ Much love, Cheers!

[@anthonycastro2146]

I saw this video twice. I am in the same boat as you, except that I am a writer. I havent left my job, but I only work part-time. The rest of my time I try to devote to my hobbies and passion but there is always the spectre that something may happen and that I need to find more work. Im not there yet but your story was very inspiring to me and is one of the best videos I have seen on KZbin. I feel like I have a lot to say. First of all, I think the messages you recieved from your parents got to you. They may have meant well but they are not an illustrator like you. You see the world uniquely and have stories to tell, a light in you that wants to come out. This is very special and needs to be nurtured. Like a seed it needs to grow. And the way you do that is with love. I saw your comics and they are really really good. You have ant style that is just pleasant to look at. I love your character designs and the attention to detail you put in your drawings. I just think that you need some crazy goal like doing 100 comics throughout your life or something like that. For sure then you would be making money. But yeah its a love and like being in love, when separated from it, life is less than life. Your really good, I think you'll be fine.

[@thisisjaclyne]

Hi from a fellow Canadian! So much of your story resonates me with me, especially the black and white thinking. I left my job about a year and a half ago, originally giving myself 6 months to just chill out. I didn't originally leave to focus on trying to make illustration a career, but I ended up figuring out that that was my longer term goal. I don't know if I would've figured that out if I hadn't taken some proper time off work. I'm starting to apply to regular 9-5 jobs now and have found myself slipping into that all-or-nothing thinking -- completely putting off drawing or reaching out to illustration-related people for long periods of time 'cause I feel like I can only concentrate on one thing at a time. I hope if I do get a regular job, that I can still find the energy to make art outside of work and keep chipping away at the larger goal. I'm hoping that identifying the goal is the first big piece of the puzzle and at least now I have a better idea of why I'm working in the first place (for stability while I work towards this goal!). So glad to hear at the end of your story that you're making art again. I hope we can all find the right balance of creative fulfillment and not having to worry about money lol!

[@nayemorusa6244]

you have a lovely voice, it was very nice to hear your story while working. I identify with a lot you said, adding the pressure to make an income, specially a first source of income, to art, is so taxing for the process. I don’t think you failed, you tried it and realized it was not for you, and now you have a stable job that gives you a fixed income to be free to explore the art in the way however you want ❤ thank you so much for sharing!

[@studioreinbo5367]

I've been following you for 6 years and had no idea you were struggling with the same things that I have been. I'm so happy and proud of you for making it this far and pursuing art and your dreams once again. You're a huge inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing your story :D

[@heirapparent8217]

When so many don’t try to change, just trying is a triumph. Treat yourself kindly today.

[@csayzn1516]

I wish you all the best going forward. So glad that you are in a happier, more balanced place. Trusting yourself and doing what you want. You've learned a lot from what you went through, that's a win. Looking for validation from others can be a slippery slope. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, that is a fantasy that's unrealistic for most people. I look forward to seeing your comic 💗

[@cloudykiz]

the similarity i share with your story is wild. Even down to the month and year I left my 9-5 with a similar plan and circumstance with my partner and savings to pursue my dreams. What I found interesting was that my story went very much the same. The first year or so I loved it, but soon enough it became hard to do the things I loved because of the worries about the longevity of the lifestyle and when I would start making money again. Eventually I realized I too would be better off getting a 9-5 again.. to allow myself some peace of mind while I continue to pursue the projects I started. So far, I'm at the finding a 9-5 job part of my journey again and hoping it comes with that sense of relief you talked about as well as the balance I need to continue my projects. I can't thank you enough for sharing your story, as its felt incredibly validating of what I've been feeling the past two years of this wild journey.

[@jacobherrera4616]

Thank you so much for sharing! While you say you've failed, the journey doesn't end here. You can always come back to it :) You've made your choices to be in a better place based on very valid reasons, thats not failure! I'm on the same boat and much of what you've talked about are things I'm experiencing too. But looking back, if I hadn't made those decisions then I know I wouldn't be has happy as I am now - and I'm sure the same goes for you. Listening to you speak about your experience has been very refreshing and encouraging. Art isn't an easy thing to do. But at the end of the day we all go to bed with our own thoughts so it's best that be at peace with ourselves. I hope that my comment along with all the others here give you courage to continue, just as much as your video has given me :) again thanks so much for sharing. Cheers!

[@Mimi-ria]

You are just SO SWEET and inspiring, I'm sending you tons of love

[@stealthebackmask7292]

Not having a Plan is a big step to failure, Plans are always important, you need to investigate, search for the right decision and apply it step by step, maybe you should considerate looking for a illustrator job? This could work in the meantime you make your comic and you can learn a lot about how's illustration and comic market, yes! Investigate about these 2 markets Ilustration and comic and do it until you accomplish been a great Illustrator and a Great Comic creator! I wish you success and I give you strength to this Marvelous trip called been an Artist! 🌟

[@shatteredscry]

I found my fav artists and writers from series I already adored!

[@jaime_does_it]

I love your content. I just started practicing illustration a few weeks back, just to find my human side by myself after getting bombarded by AI content, my workplace forcing me to use AI to survive...made me feel so lost..so i started a new project - i illustrate a Pride and Prejudice book from scratch. Make it the way *I* like without letting AI and tech giants dictating what I should and shouldn't do.

[@bubblebum8211]

I think you have to let go of the idea that everything has to be monetisable to be enjoyable. You're an artist at heart and that means you want to mak art even if you get nothing in return. Makeing art is a tool that makes you happy not just a job. Your dream doesn't have to fade try to use the value you got from takeing a break from your "normal" job and submit your beautiful porfolio on the side while working and haveing the safety of your current job. Safety and freedom are hard to balance and everyone has a different idea on how to do it. You didn't fail your just trying to weigh out the scale on what works for you.

[@beppi5913]

In Italy we have the opportunity to study the main subject we want to graduate in already from high school. At 13 I decided I wanted to pursue figurative arts because I always loved illustration and dabbled in quite a lot of it before starting high school. Compared to other black kids at that age, I found great amount of support from my parents these past five years. I literally I graduated last week 😂 I went through a lot of difficult times, because the whole environment in art school is rather selective and it did affect my confidence and my passion ( I thought of quitting… OFTEN) but there were a lot of times I gained recognition through my woks and I was proud of it. I was able to mature in a lot of ways and after these years I can proudly say that I was lucky to get into such an environment and more importantly stay in it. I’ve now entered the ‘real world’ and I feel the pressure of finding a job soon. For a lot of reasons I’ve decided not to keep art as my main focus but I’d like to keep illustrating and cultivate it in the following years as much as possible. I do intend to publish comics someday. I absolutely needed to hear every word you said in this video. They all resonated with me so much that I intend to step forward in the next chapter of my life with the same enthusiasm you spoke of at the end. I wish you luck in this journey and follow I’ll follow you through it wholeheartedly🤗 edit: Pardon the length of this comment I’m surprised myself. I’m not the type to leave any… like ever😂

[@unhealow]

I felt like crying the whole video. Ty for sharing your experience about something many of us go through

[@heyheynebula7119]

Looking forward to see your next work. Your style is super cute and relaxing!

[@MagdalenaMantler]

I loved watching/listening to your story, without any crazy editing etc. It was very wholesome and natural. :) I somehow can relate, though my own story is different - but I know the fears, the doubts, the grief of having the feeling of loosing your passion/dream career. I am now full-time graphic designer - and yes, this IS my dream career, I love doing it. BUT I still have so many other interests, like illustration/drawing, music, dancing... I sometimes feel exhausted and have the feeling I have too less time to really do all the things I loved doing because of my full-time hob. But I arranged myself with it and now understand, it's ok the way it is. I find time for my other interest - sometimes more, sometimes less. I always try to find the balance and it works better or less good, that's how it is sometimes. I think you are very brave in sharing your story, also that you really jumped into trying being Illustrator on your own. It was a good lesson - and even if it didn't work out this time, who know, maybe one day. Or maybe not. Life will bring you where you should be, there is nothing to worry. :) Wish you all the best with your new project. I really love your style!

[@kalo_arts]

Thank u so much for sharing this, u are so brave , not only for what u did, but for sharing this too. I am 19 and never had a job.I know well that stress of needing to find stability, my relationship with my parents is very bad and i have been trying very hard to monetize my passions (my main one is tarot readings and my second one is art) but my firts attempts with tarot "failed" cause i also had the black and white mentality. It is very difficult for me to keep going cause of the stress of wanting to leave my house as soon as possible but also trying again and again with my passions.I am kinda desperate and it's very hard to find a normal job, at least for me. Your video made me feel a little safer, and gave me hope, thank u. And i love your art!!!! It's sooo cuteeee!!! Sending u so much love and wishing you the best💗💗💗‼️

[@tenneluna6948]

I relate a lot to this video! I did go to art school and graduate, even did internships, but I never reached enough of a professional level to compete and my social anxiety and self doubt took away many job opportunities from me. A lot of employers were ruthless in their reviews (it's understandable as art has become a hyper competitive field), and those who did hire me remotely paid so little i could not sustain myself for long, so i took on a full time job. (I relate on art job search getting so dry that you go to upwork omg 😭) I'm not even bad at what i do for context, i got hired by really big animation studios at first and some of the shorts i participated in won awards, but the life of an artist is fickle and goes through extremely random up and downs and it's very difficult on your mental health when you don't come across opportunities anymore or "fall through the cracks" and don't hear back from companies or go viral like your peers. I reached out so many times and got tired of not hearing any response except from people who undervalued me. I currently work a front desk job which i hate, but it pays the bills and i do it because the schedule is good so i can do art as a hobby, sometimes side hustle. It's painful but at the same time, removing some of the pressure of "having to sell" my art and the depressed feelings of not being good enough to make money or this and that, has actually left me more time to come to appreciate and improve it at my own pace. It hurts a lot still when i think about how i "let go" of my dream but i haven't given up on art in general, i will be an artist until i die even if it's not my moneymaker. It doesn't make me any less of an artist or my art less worthwhile. Some of the artists i admired the most growing up were actually doctors or engineers.... your artwork is perfect for illustration, but unfortunately not everyone will value your worth, much less in the age of AI, relieve the pressure of being discovered as fast as possible. You don't need to give up on one thing completely for the other, is the lesson here :) it took me a while to learn it myself

[@isabellal2840]

im gonna listen to this at work tomorrow but I checked out your art. i love your art style, its soft and i can definitely feel a slice of life contemplative tone just from looking at the still characters

[@Tanzerdragoon]

I really resonated with your feeling of drifting in the middle of the ocean and not knowing where to go or swim. I have also been trying for so long to break into the illustration industry. I'm probably more frustrated by the fact that I put myself into so much debt, and well, there's nothing to show. I also feel re-ignited sometimes by new project ideas, but a lot of my old ideas - I feel like I'm forgetting them. And quite frankly, at 35, I'm about ready to put it all down. I felt such sadness, I've not processed it yet, tbh, and kind of just realized, I want to go to therapy....

[@ClayKraze]

HAPPY to see you're BACK! and your video and music selection, oh my! I'm MELTING!

[@Riniapple]

@@ClayKraze Yes!!! I’m back! (*≧∀≦*) And I’m coming back in *full* swing!! I feel like something within me has been set on fire?? I can’t explain it. All I know is that I am feeling an intense pull to make this comic 💕 Thank you so much for sticking by me for so long. I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to watch my videos as I get to learn this new platform >~< I really hope you enjoy the new comic I plan on releasing. I truly believe it will be a work that is as sincere as sincere can be when it comes to sharing a story from the heart 🥹💕

[@leowweili]

Hello fellow creator! Nice to meet you riniapple, I'm Wei Li, an artist from Singapore. I find you very adorable, thank you for sharing so honestly. We need more people like you on the internet! The creative journey is a meandering path, full of mountains and valleys. I hope you will continue to grow in whichever direction you take and that all your past works will lead you faithfully to your next best work

[@kated3883]

I understand you so well! I was in a partly similar situation. I tried to become a storyboard artist (I'm self-taught), I got a couple of test assignments from studios, but I didn't get the job. I started taking small commissions and discovered... that I don't like drawing other people's ideas. I stop loving drawing when money gets involved. I found a job that wasn't too taxing on me emotionally and I'm just working on my art projects in my free time. For myself I realized that I just love to draw. I don't want to make money from this

[@nobitanobi]

Hello, as a person who is thinking of doing the same, what job did you find that was less taxing emotionally? Trying to find my place in the world if I make the change and very lost. Thank you!

[@kated3883]

@@nobitanobi My job is related to checking the quality of calls. This is the monitoring department. But there is a special feature here: I easily work with monotonous tasks and they do not bother me. I wish you good luck!

[@michellef4269]

Thank you for sharing this vulnerable story - we are excited to see the story that you feel is truly yours and "you"! I think it took an incredible amount of courage to take the leap - and I always say - if you don't try, you won't know. NO REGRETS, KEEP MOVING FORWARD!!! Looking forward to the journey

[@Riniapple]

Hi Michelle! Thank you so much for leaving a comment and for taking the time to watch my *very* long video 😅❤ I'm sososo excited to share my new comic project that truly feels like "me" as well! Thank you for your encouragement and support ( ; v ; ) And yes! NO REGRETS!! I'll keep moving forward! ヾ(｡>ｖ

[@c.n.7769]

From an art student, the only thing you left out within art school was that art tuition dept, cause I am currently working a full time job and making art for fun for selling them at conventions. But yeah, there should not be shame in lack of motivation or sales, as people have their own things to go through, and not everything is going to be perfect all the time.

[@OIP_1]

what a great honest personal video. when you told the story of a teacher taking you around to show your work to other students i had a broad smile because of a similar experience in early school life - the teacher had me read a story i wrote to the class (and my parents asked me if i had actually written it myself). those kind of memories are just priceless. i really recommend the book 'the artist's way' to help reinforce self-belief and maintaining a sustainable creative practice. always keep going!

[@Riniapple]

Hi oip!! Thank you so much for your comment (◕ ◡ ◕)♥ I'm so glad you had a similar experience growing up!! It was one of those formative experiences that really gave me a sense of confidence and self. I believe it really helped guide my interests to where they are today. Thank you very much also for the book suggestion! It's funny, I received one other comment with a couple book suggestions and they just so happened to suggest the exact same book. It must be very applicable to me, so I'll absolutely have to read it now! Thank you ♡

[@elfanraiden81]

this was a really touching story! I think you have make a great decision and even if not works out as planned, you keep on fighting, and try to help others on the way. As you said in the end of the video: You are brave. I think you really are. So don't be so hard on yourself and do what you love, for you, and for what you desire. Thank you for the inspiration! (sorry for my bad English)

[@flutosan7764]

this video felt like a wakeup call for myself. Thank you for sharing your experiences

[@chamn5742]

HI ! I hope you're doing well :) This video was very moving to me, as I went through a similar path with art, so I understand everything you said. After failing to maintain employement in animation, I had to make the choice between either pushing through or going back to a regular job. I did the later but I had a great grieving period about art, mixed with the emotional burn out of trying to get a job. I graduated from art school so I don't have any other qualification other than that. As a neurodivergent person, there are a lot of jobs that I can't take, so I had to go to low qualification jobs to support myself, barely, as I only need to spend money on medical support. It's really hard to pursue art in those conditions and in yours too. Most of the people who have never tried to live from their art can't understand how emotionally devastating it can be to try to sell your art, and how it is almost impossible to create as a skill as one would for any other job with any other technical skill, and that using drawing only as a skill can be awfully draining and depressing. I don't see myself as failing but I feel that people around me are surprised, almost as if they caught me lying, when I say that I can't draw or that I'm taking a break, as many people see art as a soothing hobby. Not everybody is a cozy doodler ; I know for myself that my art comes from my soul, my deep felt emotions and I just can't create on command nor for a predictable duration. You went through a lot ; maybe a quiet storm for most but not for you living it. Thank you for making such a beautiful and genuine video, I think a lot of artists needed it too ! I'm so glad and happy for you that you are creating in a way that feel safe and enjoyable for you :) I wish you the best and I send you all my love !

[@VinayakGargya]

I looked at some of your art and it is quite inspirational :) The economics of art is difficult to navigate. It means you have to create something that people are ready to pay money for and I think it can be quite divergent from the need of an artist to put out something genuine, a part of your own experience and something that satisfies that creative itch. Sometimes those two overlap and you hit the jackpot. At the end I think we can strive to be authentic in our artistic pursuits and lend a voice to that inner scream to create and maybe find a soothing corner in our own little lives, content with what we’ve created.

[@motobaafeoke4900]

Thank you for this video. I can't possibly articulate how much it resonated with me and how much it helped me see clarity so I will just say thank you. I sincerely wish you all the best and will continue to follow your journey❤

[@coolcoolercoolest212]

Holy shit, this video is real as fuck! Thank you so much for posting this. I felt this deep inside my soul. She just like me fr fr! 😭

[@MGComics]

We're all on a journey, thank you so much for sharing your story! It sucks sometimes, but it's also so inspiring. I relate so much to the anxiety! It's like we're our biggest enemies sometimes. Thank you for being so brave to share T-T Hope to continue seeing your journey!!!

[@cristal26t12]

Wow, thank you so much for taking the time to tell us. I relate to ur stroy as someone who is going to go into college into a degree i don't want instead of art. your story has inpired me to be more aware of what i want and how i should move forward. As a fellow comic artist, thank you so much!!

[@hagiym]

I have been in this situation until now and i'm so glad i found your video, thank you so much

[@polaergirl]

Thank you for sharing your experience!!! I can totally relate on so many points and i didnt go so 100% as you did and your work and comic is soo amazing! I dont know what the webtoon editor is talking about but i cant wait to finish your comic when i read Following your art!!! I love your soft and watercolor style and your ability to draw background and perspectives are so 👌. But its so true that making art for just ourselves is so key to keep up the creative juice and joy. I almost gave up on my small business of greeting cards but recently realize to draw for myself not just to make $$. Thank you for putting this video out!!!

[@ghostie7790]

If it makes you feel better- I think what you’re doing is the goal. To have a good job paying the bills, and art income being on the side. In this economy, it’s just too hard to go without a stable income. I have a similar story where I’ve been trying to do art full time, but was never able to because I don’t have a partner supporting me financially or anything like that- so I’ve always worked many jobs and did art on the side. Even with all my jobs, I still landed to get into an illustration agency because I worked and put a ton of time into my portfolio on the weekends and mornings before work. I tried to drop the day jobs and do the illustration only but illustration doesn’t pay enough. It just doesn’t! People who do it full time have to work on multiple projects at once to pay the bills, and it gets frustrating having so many bosses to answer to( bosses being clients, publishers, etc)! And illustration never pays on time, always months out before you receive payment. I live in New York State, I can’t be waiting months to get paid. Got a day job unrelated to art that has career advancement and good work balance. And I do illustration on the side! Making a graphic novel and everything on my own time. I think the way we’re going it is the goal! Trust me. I want to make a KZbin video on this myself bc I have sooo many stories with how hard I tried to break into the animation industry. 😂😂🤡 We all eventually learn what works for us! And maybe other people can deal with the anxiety of not knowing if they’ll be able to pay rent, but I certainly can’t and seems you can’t either. Knowing that is taking care of your mental health. ❤❤❤

[@Deatry]

Hi Riniapple! Thanks for your story and your transparency! A lot of points resonated with me, as I've been through similar things in my journey for an artistic career. Some of what sent me into a downward spiral was the pursuit of perfection, always pointing out the bad and never the good in my work. One piece after the other not good enough to use for...well, anything. Before realizing it all the negative thoughts had poisoned my relationship to my art and my faith in myself, which left me hollow and empty. Not a fun time at all! ^ ^' Now after a few years of rebuilding things (mostly my self-esteem) back from scratch, I've begun to enjoy being artistic again, and realized I should not let my artistic passion turn to a perfectionistic obsession. If I turn out a bunch of doodled rubbish, then it's okay I'll make a new art piece! What matters is the enjoyment from the work process not the end result.... but if some deem my work good enough to support me, then that is a wonderful bonus! :) Wish you the best Riniapple! both you and your comic project!

[@Strubey]

Thanks for sharing your story. This kind of stuff can be so complicated and every persons experience will be so unique. In the end you have to walk your own path and figure out what's right for you. And what's right for you will change over time. You're never gonna hit that "holy grail" that then will last indefinitely. I can say that for myself because I got that "dream" art job a few years back. Got to work on big Hollywood movies and TV shows like star wars and star trek etc as an artist. But then when the strikes happened last year I lost my job and recently I've been questioning everything again and wondering what my life would be like if I chose a more financially stable and well-paid career. I don't regret anything that happened, but at the same time I'm 28 now and pretty burned out. I thought I would be more financially stable at this point. But that's not to say that that's not possible with an art career either. I have many friends working professionally as artists that are happy and get paid well. So much is up to luck and chance as well.

[@iCOOKIEmischief]

But honestly, I'm in a very similar boat; I've always been interested in art and illustration since I was a wee bab. I never really considered it a potential career until I got into middle/high school, but really only did it as a hobby (and a form of escapism, let's be honest). But as I got older, I heard how my parents talked about how pursuing a degree in the art field is considered a waste of time/money. It was never directed at me, but that's because I was never really open about my potential pursuits. I digress. When I came to college, I chose a degree in a field I'm actually super interested in, but I didn't due much research in terms of potential careers and the pros and cons. Now I feel like I've potentially wasted those years of my life and all of that money since I'm no longer sure I even want to land a career with it. So now I'm just going job to job to support myself, saying it's temporary until I can land the "perfect job". Which I don't think actually exists... now. But I'm draining myself emotionally, mentally, and spiritually at s job I can't stand and that's not good for my ADHD. I'm really starting to actually consider art again. I've gone back and forth from tattoo designer, graphic designer, illustration, just doing commissions and opening an etsy shop, etc. But I'm so scared to since I never dedicated the time to get as good as I want to be. But also, I've started researching pros and cons unlike before. And I just question if anything is right for me.

[@miia_tai]

Great video! I was in a similar situation not too long ago, and found that cutting back on working hours (if you can afford it) really helps. I was able to get by with working 20-30 hours a week instead of 40 hours, which left me with enough financial stability and plenty of time & energy to work on my art :) My art jobs have always had flexible hours, so you might even be able to hold onto your part-time job while working as an illustrator. Sending your portfolio out to potential clients and recruiters is also waaay less stressful when you're not desperately waiting to hear back from somebody hahah :D Whatever you decide to do, good luck on your journey! And like you said, you don't need to be a full-time artist to call yourself an illustrator. Your art is lovely, and I'd be surprised if you weren't able to find work eventually.

[@Riniapple]

Hii miia!! ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡ Thank you so much for your comment!! I think working part-time is an amazing suggestion. That honestly sounds like an ideal situation and it’s something I may consider if my art starts to take off in the future. But for now, I’ll continue to work full-time and focus on creating for the love of it ❤ I’m certain that if I continue to create consistently, things will start working out for me eventually. Thank you so much again for your support and encouragement! (о´∀`о)

[@mangokilla127]

This is such wisdom that you are sharing, and everyone who has thought about taking a similar path to this NEEDS to hear your story, especially young people who aren't sure what to pursue as a college major/career I'm not an illustrator, but definitely adjacent to that, as a motion gfx artist. I went to design school, and I'm very thankful to be using my degree. But if I was starting over, I definitely would've considered going into a career that wasn't art/design related, for similar concerns of employment opportunities. There are pros and cons to the job, and what you said about feeling like you HAD to make a career out of it to be successful is what many people likely feel. For anyone thinking of going into art/design, know this: unless you're fully self employed, you won't get to create all the art you want 100%- when working with clients, you are ultimately catering to THEIR vision. And that can get frustrating. For those thinking of quitting, really reconsider if you don't have a game plan...and I'd say try to make use of your PTO if possible to take days off to focus on art!

[@alexandra-mihai]

your voice is so sweet and relaxingggg

[@jess01510]

Thank you for sharing your story !! I especially related to the moment you were anxious about finding another job, a sense of stability, etc. I mean, even if I'm in a secure environnement, I sometimes get thoses voices telling me I'm doing nothing of my days(wrong, I do 10-6 what I do thakes so much time and efforts), I'll never find a job after that (You are resourceful, you're talented and what you lived is experience; it's valuable and can bring a unique point of view) , what I'm doing is immature; I should be living by myself right now (doing it while doing art is like chasing a unicorn : nobody you know do it without exterior help), etc. but that is my anxiety, it comes from a fear of the unknow that needs to be reasured or a need for security and predictability in your case (anxiety thrive on that!). The only think that makes me keep going is the idea that if I stop now, I'll miss my chance and I'll regret it later ... Because I know that if I change of direction, it's for good with probably no turning back or it'll be much difficult later in life. Also, being sorrounded by artists in a same spot as I am or slighlty ahead of me helps TREMONDUSLY. But we are all different and it is very brave of you to have reconized your needs and answered them. Figuring out what you need, what works for you is as important as figuring how to find clients, how to improve your art, etc. Being self-employed is a way of living that you have to carefully build and figure out by your own. It's not for everybody but thankfully, there's so many ways to make a living off art (or not at all ! Just be happy doing art on the side), the hardest is to figure out how the hell you're going to reach that point ! That mostly takes a lot of trial and errors. I'm not sure if I'll be brave enough to do it, but your video made me realise that I could make a video where I share so many things I learned from taking that leap of faith and meeting many artists along the way that ... I kinda have a realistic vison of what to expect and what is normal or not ?? Idk.

[@Riniapple]

Hii jess!!! ヽ(；▽；)ノ❤ Wow! Thank you so much for taking the time to share such a thoughtful comment. I feel like we can relate *a lot* when it comes to self-doubt and anxiety. I can really relate to having similar thoughts of believing I’m not doing enough, questioning my decision-making, and that I should be further than I am. It sounds like we both need to me much kinder to ourselves 🥹 The fact that we continue to trudge forward despite the odds and despite society’s opinion of us is a testament to our commitment to our craft and I think that is all that really matters - staying true to yourself. I’m glad that you are seeking the comfort of other artists in a similar place to you. I do the same and it’s part of why I wanted to make this video. I wanted to offer the same comfort to other artists that Minnie Small and other aspiring artists have offered me. I think it’d be a wonderful idea for you to share your truth as an artist 💕 All the best to you on your journey

[@isabellal2840]

you didn't fail !!! :-) thats clickbait LOL. honestly its impressive that you went so ham illustrating when you had all that free time because personally I think I would have art block from all the pressure. this is a very realistic expectation of making art in our world. it takes time to get established. but I think also you shouldn't bow down to the narrative that having a "legit" job is extremely important. people left and right will tell you this and gloat about their own legit jobs but you can't let this rule your mind... thats what I tell myself anyways... 😅 anyways I really love your style and im gonna follow you and I can't wait to see you grow!

[@paopoots6262]

This really resonated with me, thank you so much for sharing 🩵