The Pick Me Paradox: when misogyny comes full circle

[@TaraMooknee]

🔎👒 Download June's Journey for free here: woo.ga/ksm100au

[@lh9761]

Thank you 🌹

[@jarrellfamily1422]

Any man can find any women attractive just look at internet artists drawing fat girls, muscle girls,gremlin disaster girls because they are attracted to them to destroy the myth of objectively attractive people

[@Dagenspear]

PLEASE, you, and EVERYONE, if you haven't already, embrace the One True Only God YHWH Jehovah, Only One Jesus Christ His Only Begotten Son and Lord and Savior of our souls and the Only One Holy Spirit. God is good. God is love. Jesus is Lord. Jesus IS coming. Your soul depends on it! I have seen God act in my life. He saved my soul, changed my heart, changed my mind, helped people through me, took care of people in my life, people I hurt before I found God. God is the only reason I was able to reconcile with my dad before he died. God worked through Jesus Christ to save our souls. Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins. Believe in your heart and confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus, and that God raised Him from the dead and you will be saved. Be baptized in The Holy Spirit, and if He wills, water as well. Repent of your sins, accept God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit into your heart, that Jesus Christ died on the cross for your sins. For God so loved the world that He gave His only Begotten Son Jesus Christ, that all who believe on Him should not perish but have everlasting life. Jesus Christ is The Way, The Truth and The Life. No one comes to the Father Jehovah God but through Him. Not long after I got saved I prayed to God for help understanding the Holy Bible, and that same day someone knocked on my door asking me if I wanted to understand the Bible. The Holy Bible says, "love thy enemy", "turn the other cheek", "If your enemy is hungry, feed him", "if he is thirsty, give him a drink", "pray for those who persecute you", "do not repay evil for evil". LORD willing, all humans may commit sin of almost every kind (gay, straight), and that's wrong, and all humans sin, as God tells us through the The Holy Bible, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." The Holy Bible also says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

[@karobe4107]

Quite disappointed by you and several other KZbinrs promoting a game that has a loot box aka gambling mechanic and shoves it down your throat at all times. The core game idea is fun enough, the story is meh, but serves its purpose, but over a few days of playing it, it introduces a new feature to spend money on every day. „oh x must actually like and play this, surely it must be an ethical mobile game that doesn’t exploit its players“ - you’re promoting a product and I should’ve known better than believe an ad read even when coming from a fav creator.

[@NeighborhoodOfBlue]

Thank you for time-stamping your ad! I appreciate you.

[@callistourseides]

Actual rage at the girl who called asking taller people to get things from high shelves pick me behaviour. What do you want me to do? Fly?

[@homosapien7316]

I got called a pick me for climbing to get something instead of asking for help. No winning

[@bingonight1504]

omg don't even get me started on short tiny girl envy, I had that when I was younger and the psychosis runs DEEP

[@thecolourfulpill]

I remember when "Shake It Up" made a whole episode about Zendaya being tall and Bella Thorne being a lot shorter, and for some reason one part that I thought about was the overacted rage of her having to give people stuff from higher shelves. The only obvious way to fix it, is to hold people up when they need something 😂.

[@ghoot]

Fr, specially because architectures use the average male height as the standard, so shelves being too high is actually structural sexism.

[@ishathakor]

@@homosapien7316 i prefer to climb than to ask too and i get called a pick me and a try hard and blah blah blah. there literally is no winning

[@toribees327]

I think the biggest problem with both versions of the "pick me girl" is that they both assume there is a normal version of girl. That there is this default and correct way for a woman to be and when she does not act in the correct way, she is a pick me. When in reality all women are their own individuals.

[@sistermadrigalmorning233]

Exactly! A LOT of misogyny comes from narrowing women down to a stereotype and this helps misogyny by doing that.

[@ThePestilentDefiler]

​@@sistermadrigalmorning233 a lot of "misogyny" from men comes from looking around and not liking what they see. However men dont call women pick me. Women are competitive and will do as much as they can to destroy other women to gain higher social status as social status is women's most coveted desire. Women will call other women a pick me to attempt to degrade others.

[@winniethepooht5776]

That is the BEST way to put it. There's no perfect mold, we're all unique and different. Being like other women is wonderful. Women are beautiful, strong, powerful, and will listen to your deepest confessions in the girl's bathroom while helping you reglue your eyelash and safety-pinning your broken strap to your dress. When I was super young and had only just gotten my cycle a month or so before, I went to the mall with a friend and got my period there. I realized I didn't have pads and the box in the bathroom was empty. So 10-yr-old me announced to a crowded bathroom: "Does anyone have a pad? I can't wear tampons." Immediately, every woman in there started looking in their purses, and about three girls found some and brought them to me at the same time. I ended playing "eenie meanie minee mo" to pick because I didn't want to make any of the girls feel bad, and had the whole bathroom giggling. I chose one, and crisis averted. My point is, if THAT'S what other women are like, then I am absolutely like girls.

[@ChetanaN-yi2hw]

So truueee

[@sainttheresetaylor2054]

​@winniethepooht5776 not all women are like that. you just refuted your point that "we're all individuals".

[@heywhat6676]

the pick me label has lost all meaning, now we have grown ass women making fun of teenage girls for saying they like video games and don't like makeup

[@bannedmann4469]

They can’t be the change they want.

[@awe_possum]

You couldn't have said it better. I can't deal with criticism anymore. Even if valid in some cases, I'm just sick of it. Let's just all live.

[@samf.s.7731]

Yeah, that's too bad. It's trying to mold all women now into a 1950's trad wife. If you're not that then you're a "pick me". Some women are better with a drill than they are with an oven. Some women make great plumbers .. And yeah, some women play video games really well. It's not done to impress a man. And that's what ultimately separates a pick me from a normal person. Are you doing what you're doing because you like it?

[@ghoot]

@@awe_possumcriticism won't stop and in all honesty it shouldn't. idk man just accept that you'll have to deal with it.

[@ghoot]

and it didn't lost meaning, it is just being massively misused. this isn't the same. people will always find a way to shame women who do not fit the norms and expectations of femininity as long as you guys keep believing in and reinforcing gender essentialism.

[@KoumoriKoumori]

I got called a pick me for saying that I suck at cooking and don't like to cook either. What do you want me to do? Pretend that I'm a chef with my microwaved butter pasta??

[@amsyjo]

lol what that doesn't even make sense

[@KoumoriKoumori]

@@amsyjo You can just breathe and someone can call you a "pick me" nowaday

[@mirkwood579]

Fun tip for microwaved butter pasta, if it's just butter and salt on it, add some parmesan cheese after microwaving. (Assuming you don't already do that) Definitely unfortunate that you got criticized for being genuine though.

[@Levyathyn]

It's like when you wear a band t-shirt and someone comes up to you and demands you to name a few of their songs, except with cooking. And... backwards.

[@LoreleiCatherine]

Mmmmm butter pasta 😂 tooooo be fair, I bet it’s tastier than that one lady’s food at the “fast” Italian restaurant with the drive-through window that was on that show with Gordon Ramsay, that I can’t remember the name of because brain fog 😅😅😅🥲 kitchen nightmares right? Yeah, that’s probably right.

[@LunarOverdrive]

This is literally just the same thing that happened with the term "Simp." It's like people learn a new word and try to shove it into every sentence they can.

[@Matty002]

and 90% of the time its a word black people have been using for years and then white people specifically take it and over use it and then complain about it being overused. like remember bae?

[@Chuck_EL]

You're right, I've seen a video of a guy just saying he loves his girlfriend and wants to take her out for birthday and she apologized for making him feel like he had to He got called a simp and she got called a pick me I was WTF?!?!

[@sophitiaofhyrule]

Yeah I remember when any man who didn't vehemently hate women was called a "simp"... Dark times...

[@thekicker2517]

I mean you can even go further than that, 10 years ago if someone called someone else a Nazi, I would think "oh I should avoid that person" now I think "are they actually a Nazi or did they disagree with you on a political topic so now you're vilifying them?"

[@LunarOverdrive]

@@thekicker2517 Same with Communist, Socialist, and Marxist. : (

[@FatBratz-yh3zu]

the straightness of it all isn't lost on me. the concept both ways is that, regardless of the behavior/interests, women's behavior is assumed to be to attract men. Women can't even have personalities without it being assumed for men.

[@emilyb898]

exactly!!! the assumption of heterosexuality absolutely oozes from every single one of these videos. the one that ripped on bisexual women just said the quiet part out loud

[@moonmirii]

THIS. I just watched a video on "Hawk Tuah" girl (writing that hurts) and this one weirdo tiktoker was like "we love this girl because she has a personality unlike all you half dressed bitches!! it's all about making us laugh!!" yet she's constantly harassed to start an Only Fans and has even been approached by Playboy. It's so defeating.

[@tiffanypetersen789]

I'm genuinely concerned that eventually just being a heterosexual woman will be considered "pick-me-girl."

[@skinnyrat4277]

LITERALLY UGHHH

[@91Vault]

gonna say, Queer women get completely forgotten about in the D I S C O U R S E . Just because you're not overly feminine does not autolatically make you gay/queer obviously but people forget maybe some girls really ARE just tomboys and really DO just relate to/prefer male freinds and it's not a performance.

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

"Be suspicious of any trend that blames women for sexism."-Tara Mooknee 100%!!

[@dollinterrupted]

I notice this comes up with the kardashians a lot it’s a paradox I notice in a lot of my otherwise ‘feminist’ friends. ‘Kim kardashians sets dangerous beauty standards she should be held responsible for the way her appearance affects people and triggers dysmorphia, EDs, low self esteem…’ but like, what? So you’re saying Kim k needs to either cater her appearance to your preference or you’re saying she should be punished for the way her appearance makes you feel? Or she shouldn’t be allowed to leave the house? Feminism should never involve controlling the way other women look or what they do with their own bodies though

[@TheHonored01]

​@dollinterrupted thank you. The kardashian discourse is rooted in misogyny although there valid points. Also love ur username I'm getting tattooed 🤪.

[@lenaramoon4617]

@@dollinterrupted I had a roommate who starved herself because I weighed less than her.. some women can't exist around other women apparently.

[@fast1nakus]

Did she also say why? Or is it just a blank statement without any reason behind it outside of - because?

[@jospinner1183]

@@lenaramoon4617 I suspect the issue ran deeper than jealousy over your weight. Eating disorders just don't work like that.

[@annielauriestar]

I despise how this trend has affected neurodivergent women. A lot of them struggle with friendships, sometimes with female friendships. Instead of reaching out to these women, I’ve seen girls state they don’t trust women who don’t have female friends and won’t even give them a chance (a lot of the time these women barely have friends at all) . Meanwhile, I know a lot of toxic women who have a huge group of female friends and they get to claim the “girls girl” tittle.

[@datrtzhush3734]

I feel this so much

[@adirarrrrrrr7997]

So so much this

[@_alleni]

I'm an autistic adhd girl, recently, I heard one of my colleagues (a man) say the other girls on my workspace dont like me because I'm always trying to be with the boys and "trying to get their attention" but the key is: I'm a lesbian. I just happened to get along with them bc they didn't mind my stims and were more patient with me Sometimes when I'm around the girls i try to perceive their ways with me and I'm convinced they actually hate me

[@_alleni]

@@MakeB711 Uma coisa que sempre me pegou nas amizades com garotas héteros foi isso, elas parecem sempre querer destruir uma as outras, eu só tenho paz entre os meninos ou meninas LGBT, não sei por que tanta rivalidade

[@beautimous7347]

It affects disabled women hard, too. I've had eight surgeries and two spontaneous rib fractures (post op complication, I have extreme muscle spasms) in the past year, and women especially think I'm acting up for sympathy from men when I have a flare up of nerve pain. No. I just hurt so badly I'm tachycardic and close to passing out. Brachial plexus injuries are a nightmare, and sometimes the pain is so intense it's just incompatible with life. I've had muscle spasms so intense I have torn muscles and broken bones. It's not pick me behavior to recieve sympathy from the people who have taken your pulse, had to help you walk without falling, or seen the muscles bruise after a flare.

[@sopa4518]

*masculine woman* “EWWWW PICK ME XD” *feminine woman* “EWWWW PICK ME XD” it literally feels like we’re just making an excuse to hate on ANY type of woman

[@CHIEF_420]

Sistemico sexismo. Muchas personas están miedo de chicas inteligentes jajaja

[@cantsay2205]

It's a rigged game. I'm at the point where I do whatever the hell I want, people will complain no matter what.

[@Elennar29]

Wow it's almost like women are responsible for bullying and ostracizing other women 😳 I've talked about this very thing for a long time and ironically I got called a pick me for bringing attention to female bullying and what it looks like.

[@Elennar29]

Wow it's almost like ♀️ are responsible for bullying and ostracizing other ♀️ 😳 I've talked about this very thing for a long time and ironically I got called a pick me for bringing attention to female bullying and what it looks like.

[@rickwrites2612]

Yep that's pretty much it.

[@finnotheminno]

This is unrelated but I’m a short guy (5’4) and people looovvvve trying to make me feel bad about it and just bring it up Constantly. So instead of hating myself, I embrace it now. I’ll call myself a “little guy” “short dude” “small man” and it weirdly makes people so uncomfortable. Even my little brother that’s taller me (my little big brother) says it makes him feel uncomfortable because I’m not supposed to like being a short small dude. I think people just hate people being okay with themselves for something they “shouldn’t” be and it’s just turned up to 100000% when it comes to women just being themselves because of misogyny

[@ieatchalk3934]

Exactly! I think it probably stems from more of a bullying standpoint, and when someone can’t use something to hurt you anymore, they get frustrated because it was never about the height, it was about making you FEEL small.

[@ForestCreature7]

Little guy ND small man r so cute actually

[@ForestCreature7]

Lil gent

[@darksmiley5081]

me too! I'm also like, a 164cm tall guy, and while it still does make me dysphoric, I am starting to embrace it - especially because I also like being cute, though that may not apply to everyone xD

[@PiaPancakes]

Love that for you ❤!!! Keep making them uncomfortable 😂

[@EmmaAndEmmaAndEmma]

I once shared in an online forum that I was often lonely as a kid because I was a quiet, nerdy bookworm who didn’t share many of the same interests with my peers. Some of the other commenters immediately called me toxic and a “not-like-other-girls girl.” I was like “Ma’am I was seven.”

[@NewtieTimesSix]

I often feel like the people who take the most joy out of dunking on "not like other girls" girls aren't feminists but high school bullies delighted to have a socially acceptable excuse to continue hating on nerds and weird kids

[@CacTuss-cs6ky]

Are you me?🤧

[@brooke_reiverrose2949]

@@NewtieTimesSix Fing this a thousand times this

[@jaybird-hn3dq]

What the..., that's really messed up! in my honest opinion there's no 'like other girls' or 'like other boys', everyone is unique and different in a way even twins. I was also like this, as my mom always said it was like I am living in my own world to the point she was afraid I have autism 😅 Anyone expecting girls to have the same personality should get themselves checked, we aren't clones, we have different lives and experiences, having the same interests doesn't make you the same, so 'like other girls' is bullshit which mean this pick me trend is also bullshit.

[@waleedkhalid7486]

To be fair you weren’t like other girls…or boys… you actually liked to read. Respect for that.

[@angelacarter6593]

I will not label women for meeting or not meeting female gender stereotypes. I will also not label men for meeting or not meeting male stereotypes. I wish we could move on from labels in general.

[@please_im_a_staaar]

I don't think labels are the problem. Labels is how we organize concepts in our heads and make it less chaotic. I think the issue is the lack of empathy for each other and the lack of empathy is a consequence of our miserable lives where all we want is someone to blame for it.

[@sheilaya2257]

this reminds me of terms like “sassy man apocalypse” or “zesty” are used when men deviate from their expected gender performance. like we have to step back & look at what we’re making fun off/laughing about. i think it’s just really doing more harm than good. we’re just regressing :/

[@FruitsChinpoSamuraiG]

@@please_im_a_staaar labels that leave no room for nuance are a problem, because they're too rigid and not fitting in any rigid category can and will cause mental anguish, which has the potential for outwards harm whether the self or the others are the target.

[@lmcb8447]

Labels are not the problem, it's descriptions are...not everything had to be categorizable either always... its really actually ok to blame ppl as long as the system is the one taking the bigger fault doing so would be real "empathetic" thing...

[@nataliealliepage7155]

I'm tired of people saying that "male interests" or "masculine personality traits" are seen as something that women should avoid.

[@steamboatwill3.367]

Should any of this even be labeled?

[@RuanMei_SocietyGenius]

Yes and male features too

[@Olivetree80]

I know right, we really went backwards in terms of having rigid ideas about gender expression. Not that I wanna go back to 10 years ago in which women who liked to dress feminine could be criticized as "dressing for male validation," but the same claim seems to be happening for the opposite type of expression. I do think that it's actually more likely to be the case that if someone dresses "not stereotypically feminine" they're more likely to be doing that for their own self interest, rather than the other way around. But, people should just be allowed to do whatever the fuck they want.

[@nataliealliepage7155]

@@Olivetree80 I agree. I'm non-binary (she/they) and enjoy many "male" interests like DIY electronics, electronic music production, computer programming, video games, etc. Not because I want attention, but because I think tech is cool. And I don't get along that well with average women because I don't get along with the hyper-social nature of most of those groups. I'm on the spectrum so there's that too. It's sad that even as a trans person (born male), I was pressured into femininity and expected to trade one box for another. And many of my gal pals would bring me down for my introversion and deeper interest in tech. I would love to have friends who could nerd out instead of expecting me to process complex social signals. Also, on a semi-related note, I don't like that a lack of makeup is sometimes seen as a sign of depression.

[@pallasydoor7116]

No because the point was to slow people be who they are! Hyper feminine, girls into male interests , girls into make up , girls not into make up are allowed to exist with out degrading each other! That was the point! Let people do what they are interested with out it being a negative. Labels are just to explain the basic external vocabulary of something. It’s not the rule to negatively shame them! That’s it!

[@victoriafraga2222]

I remember in high school, as a girl, I would sometimes talk to my friends about some video games I liked at the moment, because I like talking about my current obsessions. I thought it was okay with my friends until one day one of my friends said "omgg I'm not like other girls I like video games and animes". She was mocking me and calling me a pick me and that shut me up so fast I didn't know how to respond to that. And that's what I've been thinking. It's actually so misogynistic to assume that me talking about my obsessions is just because I want to be different/want male validation. I enjoyed dressing up, doing my hair, putting gloss on, shopping, getting lil drinkies. Like she knew that about me, but still called me a pick me just because I was infodumping on games, that's bullshit. I'm proud to be a woman but I wish I was perceived as a person instead. Liking "feminine" things is shamed, liking "masculine" things is shamed. Omg I just want to exist

[@candlecord]

Mocking girls for being "different" is just being mean and misogynistic, it's awful that it's become a trend :( I hope you've found a better community now!

[@victoriafraga2222]

@candlecord yes! Thank you :)) my boyfriend at the moment loves to hear me yap and I love when he does the same! I'm still friends with the person who mocked me because they grew as a person, as I did too. Tbh I think she probably saw those videos of pick me girls a lot on her fyp and didn't quite understand what it was. Thanks for your comment, have a nice week ^^

[@candlecord]

@@victoriafraga2222 Aw that's so nice to hear that you have someone to yap to, and that your friend has grown out of that mentality! I will admit I also fell victim to it when I was younger, but we grow and we learn :) you have a wonderful week too, cheers!! ❤️❤️❤️

[@somefan9138]

Thank you for saying this. It's not quite the same experience for me, but I remember when another girl told me anime is for guys just because Im a girl who likes anime. I was also once told that I'm not feminine just because I like anime and video games even though I very much love to dress up and wear cute clothes. It's so frustrating because you just can't do anything without having some sort of label attached you. It's like people think women can only have hobbies that are just shopping and makeup and if we deviate for that even for a bit, suddenly we are a "pick me"or "unfeminine" I feel like this whole pick me trend has devolved in such a way to just further alienate women against eachother. Anyways thats all, sorry for the long rant, I just wanna say I agree w u a lot, also love your Jojo pfp

[@legalstanner5077]

Man I don't know what's up with that friend I would absolutely love someone info-dumping about video games with me. It's pretty sad that your friend reacted like that. But cool that she grew and learnt from that.

[@leila6116]

When a full-on man called me a pick me for openly talking/joking around, i knew this term had been completely bastardized

[@_goblin-_-mode_]

How dare you exist and interact in a social situation. (Sarcasm)

[@Yoimiya_Lover29]

That's so annoying. I hope you told him to piss off. Continue being the hilarious queen I'm sure you are.

[@Insomnia19101]

There is no winning. If you’re quiet and shy you’re a pick me trying too hard to be cute. If you’re loud and talkative you’re a pick me and attention seeker. If you exist as a girl you’re a pick me because whatever you do that attracts attention is pick me behavior

[@samuelduchesne5841]

What was the joke

[@anna-fx7fl]

Had a similar interaction a couple of years back. A guy in my school (who really liked make-up) asked me what make-up I wore. I said I didn't wear much make-up because I didn't enjoy how it felt, and he told me I was a pick me.. Apparently, answering a question honestly means you're seeking male validation...

[@lenar6381]

Kinda annoying that a term used to point out sexist women is now used to be sexist to women again

[@zoomzoom4231]

Because this term wasn't normal from the beginning. It's sexist and rude by itself. It used only to shut up or insult someone, although any person can describe their feelings, or frustration by someone sexism, without saying "you're a pick me girl".

[@JoeyisDREADful]

​​​​@@zoomzoom4231 Except it's not sexist and rude by itself, at least not when it retained original meaning. Much like "not like the other girls" it wasn't about what a woman liked or did, it was about how they treated and talked about women who didn't like or do those things. It also wasn't just thrown around like an insult, if anything it was often used to describe cringe periods of our own youth for my age range. A common phase before coming to terms with internalized misogyny. But sexism is pervasive and we can't have anything without it getting weaponized to do misogyny, so.

[@FunkiMonki69]

Is it still sexist if women do it to other women though? I don't think men use the term 'pick me'

[@ancogaming]

@@FunkiMonki69 I have yet to meet one man who cares or has even heard of it. Contrary to how its labelled, "pick ME" was almost always used by women to "pick ON" other women, effectively bullying them for no other reason than malice/envy/jealousy. And clout, of course, lots of clout. However, depending on whom you ask, another version is that these women did verbally offend some social reflection out of internalized misogyny from systemic oppression and all the other words that are everywhere, and also because they are straight, apparently. Gotta be straight to become irrational, obnoxious and make hateful shit trendy, ask anyone. Personally, I think these kinds of fads have more to do with the 80/20 rule, functionally precision-engineered UI/UX design of social media apps, the user metrics involved in the concept of bashing the out-group and, of course, dopamine: pure, weapons grade synaptic angel dust, streamlined to the brain fryer in 800 rpm full-auto fire mode. You could safely bet on the latter if I had written the app, disclaimer: I didn't... this time.

[@NadiaMattson]

@@FunkiMonki69 they do, and it is. that is what INTERNALIZED MYSOGYNY is. Same way you can be racist to your own race or homophobic when you repress it. It very much is a thing. Many women sadly are anti-women and womens' rights.

[@elhammo7478]

I got called a "pick-me" after saying that I don't believe in astrology but am very into astronomy. The woman went on to argue that I could only have an interest in science to impress men. I was literally working on a book about planetary habitability.

[@zelda1757]

Wow that's insane 😮

[@MulberrySeason]

I hate hate hate the current trend of astrology=feminine and good and if you disagree you're a misogynist.

[@margoalex.]

that’s absolutely awful yet at the same time very very funny in a weird warped way

[@yona7014]

Same energy with me reading about art and some girl randomly asked who is the boy i am trying to impress... Ma'am can't women have interests???????

[@-Desire]

How's the progress on your book?

[@tesamccrackenn]

Things I have been called a Pick Me for: • Having more guy friends than girl friends at some points in my life • Wearing skirts every day (I just like how they feel more than pants) • Needing to ask for help getting something from a cabinet that I genuinely could not have gotten on my own • Telling my friend that her boyfriend (who had cheated on her multiple times) was toxic and that she should dump him • Admitting that I struggle in a lot of social situations because I feel like I’m just painfully awkward and like I don’t fit in with most people and no one wants me around. This one hurt the worst because I was telling her something that is very personal to me and she called me a pick me girl and told me I’m not as quirky as I think I am… All of this to say that the label has clearly lost all meaning. You can be called a pick me for polar opposite reasons now (too feminine or too masculine, too “quirky” or too basic, etc.)

[@wornouthoodie]

that last one hit hard, you aren’t trying to be “quirky” you’re just struggling :(

[@crios8307]

If anything, that friend who used your vulnerabilities to hurt you showed their true colours. I'm so sorry for this, bc I too deal with the same struggles especially (I grew up with this in my family too). You're not alone, and I hope for you to find a kinder kin soon🖤

[@jayphailey]

Rooting for you.

[@s.m5576]

I would've told her (the girl who said the last one) shes an insensitive monster and the reason people don't like her is probably cause shes this insufferable. Lacking emotional intelligence at her big age is CRAZY too. You aren't alone girl.

[@RobotPilots]

According to the second thing, almost every guy in Scotland in the past is a pick me girl

[@screamthroughdreams]

Nothing made me reflect on my internalised misogyny more than having a daughter. She wanted to buy a sparkly pair of "frozen" shoes, and every fibre of my being wanted her to pick something else. I had to stop and think, when my son was the same age i bought him some lightning mcqueen shoes with no issue. It wasn't the branding that i had an issue with. I just didn't want my little girl to overtly enjoy the thing that thousands of other little girls enjoy. All i really want is for her to be happy and love the things she loves, whatever they may be.

[@ruthspanos2532]

Shiny shoes are wonderful…especially if they light up!

[@gingermaniac5484]

@@ruthspanos2532 and or have wheels~! man those were certainly.. _some_ days. i wonder how many kids went to the hospital because of those things for them to just disappear all of the sudden (edit: for the shoes to disappear not the kids!)

[@celinepope]

Really cool that you caught your own double standard. You're doing a great job

[@steamboatwill3.367]

You could you say you had to..... LET IT GO ;)

[@gabriellaberman]

i love that you were able to self reflect and make a change for her sake! makes me so happy to hear that :)

[@yumi4160]

people are now just using the pick-me label as a way to justify their own jealousy because they feel threatened by other women. this is why you could be called a pick me for literally anything, cause there’s always something to envy. it’s so annoying and the lack of self awareness is screaming

[@yumi4160]

also, notice how all the girls that are called pick-mes are conventionally attractive. i bet if they looked average or just different from beauty standards they wouldn’t get called out so heavily because they wouldn’t be considered as big of a ‘threat’

[@nanomia]

@@yumi4160 spot on! I got called a pick me because I wore a bikini 😑 women can't even wear what they want now or be just a little bit comfortable in their bodies without being called a pick me

[@teenxtcy]

thank you for bringing up intersectionality during the tall girl part taylor swift is taller than megan thee stallion yet only one of them is consistently being called a man

[@jrojala]

Excellent point

[@niftyiskristy2355]

Which is utterly ridiculous because Megan thee Stallion is extremely stunning, every time I see her I’m just like damn lol

[@cal6137]

there's also misogynoir in that case :-/

[@jospinner1183]

Some of that is white privilege, and some is skinny privilege. Taylor's a bit of a waif, despite her height. Tall women are viewed as more acceptable by society if they're very thin. Those of us tall women who have curves or muscle, are not given that leeway.

[@blaze5295]

Meg has the most feminine body ever! Anyone calling her a man is straight up jealous 👏

[@bianca_boop]

One thing I don't think you mentioned (unless I dissociated during that bit 😭) is that the discourse around pick-mes is very heterosexual-centric. Not that lesbians can't have internalized misogyny or try to ingratiate themselves to men for non-romantic/sexual reasons, but the assumption is always that the presumed pickme behavior is for the purpose of attracting a man as a mate.

[@ealusaid]

The funny thing is, I see this used against bi/pan/queer women in queer spaces too, as "straight girl behaviour." Even among lesbians, there's sometimes this idea that women are responsible for constantly monitoring ourselves to see if a man could sexualize our behaviour, and carefully abstain from any behaviour that could be perceived as being "for men".

[@takingaghostdump2026]

As a lesbian, this is something I wish would be brought up more in the discussions on pick me as a sexist insult. Because I feel like we're going to be labelled as a pick me really fast no matter how we're presenting ourselves. The masc lesbians are going to be accused of trying to be one of the boys for approval while the more femmes are going to be accused of seeking male approval through adhering to gender roles. I've been accused of being a pick me and it's always just awkward when I point out to people that I'm a lesbian. Because there's inevitably some sort of double-think these people bring up on why it still a valid insult to throw. It's also worth noting that, even if a girl/woman is doing something to attract a guy, there's not really anything wrong with that. The issue has always stemmed from tearing down other women or denying her own humanity to make herself more noticeable or desirable.

[@91Vault]

Another thing people forget to consider...some girls really do relate to and prefer to be friends with guys. I had to go to an all girls school for high school and one thing I was forever kinda disappointed about was there were no guys to be friends with. It's not that I wasn't friends with girls beforehand,it sucked I didn't really share interests with anyone, I found it hard to relate (granted this is was also mostly because I had confined myself to one group of peers within the school but it still felt weird to be fenced off from like, an entire gender, 50% of all people) trying to beat the tomboy out of girls is a rite of passage it seems.

[@91Vault]

@@takingaghostdump2026 even when heterosexuality is out of the question, masc woman are still given side-eye (even from queer women!) because it's assumed to be a performance, an ex once told me I "had a fascination with masculinity" which...didn't really ring true. Sure there were times I'd indulge in buying some "MAN-PRODUCT" with a little ironic glee (like I was sneaking into the "no girls allowed" club house...tee hee!) but otherwise no, this is really just my natural state and not something I really think about all that much (except trying to decide what outfit I'm going to wear at any given time so that's one thing I have in common with the "girlies")

[@keikoyamamoto4313]

@@91Vault There must have been other girls who were like you though? Genuinely kind of curious. You can't have been the only one out of hundreds.

[@emery7331]

I think just letting girls and women exist without assuming there is an underlying thing going on is the solution

[@basslightyeah]

100%. Our obsession with therapising others, especially women, manifests in new methods of policing their behaviour. Besides the whole pick-me thing, I noticed similarities with the whole Oxford study ordeal, where every Asian woman dating a white guy is inheretly burdened with internalised racism. The social media rooted infighting needs to stop.

[@Younghoulhead]

Nah fuck you imma keep hatin

[@hendrixinfinity3992]

I also think this applies to a lot of men. The borderline between toxic people and masculinity, and confused people who are just trying to exist in a dystopia nightmare, is getting a lot fuzzier. This is worse for women including trans women but not a feminine only thing.

[@en3868]

So true. why can't people just..exist?? lmao ppl are so far up in their heads, everyone just needs to chill out

[@MartijnPennings]

Halfway into this video I was thinking this. Like...I really don't care about all these girls and women on TikTok calling themselves or each other pick me or anti pick me or whatever. I've given up trying to understand what is happening and why.

[@hannahbielicki6119]

Same with "Karen" spiraling into just shaming any woman above 35.

[@katiem.3109]

Oh, you don't even have to be over 35 to be called a Karen. Basically any women of any age that expresses a strong opinion or stands up for herself is called a Karen nowadays. It's basically just become another way to tell a woman to 'know your place'.

[@handsomebear.]

"Karen" isn't gender or age specific anymore. "Karen" now just means anyone who is _beyond_ entitled. The reason this stereotype originates from entitled middle aged white women in America is because they're the most privileged and pampered, hence entitled, group of people in recorded history...on average. 🙂👍

[@EstherBuiuuu]

@@katiem.3109no that's not a karen

[@iva6583]

100%, Karen is just a misogynistic slur used primarily by men (but pick-mes as well - in this case actual pick-mes) to say "STFU woman". I work in customer service. Male customers are definitely more entitled but there is only a gender specific slur for bad female customers? Misogynists just keep finding new ways to perform & use misogyny.

[@juliareck6650]

@@EstherBuiuuu No it's not. You are still being called a Karen.

[@Shiralkian]

"Women are being labeled as pick me even when they're not making fun of other women" so exactly like what happened to "not like other girls" which has ended up being used to bash any woman who liked alternative stuff, had any sort of self deprecating humor or stepped out of line in any way? Anything we use to point out internalized misoginy ends up being used against women, it seems.

[@sukriti7213]

Honestly any woman-specific insult, even if it's calling out an actually bad phenomenon, ends up devolving into legitimate misogyny. See: Karen, not like other girls, pick me girl, etc.

[@youre764]

I saw a girl who said she didn’t like a fucking strawberry dress and she got called a pick-me girl

[@pinobluevogel6458]

So, who is labeling these women? Are those mysoginist women, or even mysoginist men? Generally my understanding of slightly 'alternative' women is that they are respected and loved by many, only sad, envious people would ever dare to criticize them and the criticism would be as unjust as it would be false. The only real example I have seen in my lifetime has been women that are having trouble empathizing with other women, but not with men. Basically these women are socially insecure and turn to men (who due to finding them attractive) will give them the honest attention they desire. This basically results in them having a few less boundaries, being more touchy with men and generally being well liked, which causes envy with other, more well adjusted women, who see them as a danger or unfair competition. The very basic explanation is: Women are complex beings, while men are relatively straightforward. It makes sense for women to slightly adhere more to the less complex sex, as she can predict the (positive) results of her behaviour far better than with the other more complex sex. Also, it is very hard to find a man that actively 'hates' women. The only men that hate women, are the ones that have had their ego destroyed many times by women and the few that see them as simple playthings and has no respect for them. Both aren't exactly common examples and a tiny minority amongst the population.

[@desislavanedyalkova4169]

​​@@pinobluevogel6458 truly well-adjusted women do not see other women as competition. If anything, most women with at least some sense of self-security move on if they ever encounter belligerence from another woman for no discernible reason other than simply existing. Also, misogyny does not manifest itself in simple feelings of hatred - it's moreso in actions and prejudice.

[@venus4724]

Men and women do not hate on women in similar ways most of the time. When women hate on women, in my experience, it is more as if they are comparing themselves to the other woman and trying to put her down to gain validation for herself. When a MAN hates on a woman, it is typically a product of patriarchy, such as "evalutating" a woman's "worth" with stereotypically female hobbies such as cooking, cleaning, raising kids etc. ans for younger men it all boils down to sex/body count, believing she's"lost her worth" if she's slept with someone etc., aasuming that the female sex by default is over emotional/incompetent/less logical/inferior compared to male rationality/inferior compared to male strength etc. While insecure women do adopt similar methods to put down other women, they typically don't play into the generalising aspect because that would put THEMSELVES in the "inferior" ring, which is precisely what they're trying to AVOID. I don't exactly register the tone of this comment very well, but stop trying to make it seem like only women hate women. It is true and does exist the other way around, insecure men hate on men and women, insecurewomen hate on men and women, it is not an argument. ​"Well adjusted" men and women do not bother living for external validation by insulting others like these types. @@pinobluevogel6458

[@Chuusive]

Tara being the first content creator i've ever seen calling out the aave getting mistaken for "tiktok"/"gen z slang" phenonmenon and i am so glad. It's seriously getting annoying where people are outright making fun of certain words/phrases because it's "overused" or considered some "youngster" or "tiktok" slang when most of us have been speaking like this for centuries.

[@bore-aliss]

white internet challenge: don't ruin/warp AAVE phrase we just heard. (no successes yet, I'm so sorry) edit: I think that meme came from youtube channel, but there's a fair chance I'm demonstrating the issue?

[@catsinburg8626]

If you wouldn't mind could you give me an example of slang/phrases that's been used for centuries that is now popular? I'm not being combative btw I'm just curious English is my second language

[@JJ-gz5uq]

@@catsinburg8626 Green fn (originated from nba 2k but then branched out from there fn stands for fuck nigga), rizz (kai cenat popularized it to white audiences but its kinda old still, short or charisma), blud (super old, a term to use for a RELATIVE not just somebody you know), unc (old man, similar to oldhead), jit (to refer to somebody younger than you), Gyatt (literally from Jamaican patois, it just means God), Bomboclatt (jamaican patois, its kinda just a ! in usage, not an ajactive) Those are only the ones off the top of my head too

[@mikey-wl2jt]

​​@@catsinburg8626fine, finna, dip, dap, lit, turn up, bro, sis, cool, salt, shade, slap, crib, funk....

[@bore-aliss]

@@catsinburg8626 mild example of slang? "for centuries" meaning a long time, possibly spanning generations. Although AAVE as a dialect definitely started literal centuries ago

[@leniboda]

Just adding my two cents, as a neurodivergent girl, I genuinely do not feel like other girls but that PAINS me. It's not some personality quirk I picked up to get attention by men (I'm asexual), its my experience in life feeling like I can't belong in any friendship group and desperately wanting to fit in so that I'm not alone.

[@nijuuroku]

Same! Although, I’m not even sure what my gender is, I just know I don’t feel it the same way cis girls/women do.

[@childeofepickness]

@@nijuurokufirst of all, mafuyu pfp second of all, same idk what I am 😭

[@Waywardwindfall]

I lost a bunch of weight and cried when I got called a basic white girl. Not because it hurt my feelings. But because for once I was seen as one of the other girls.

[@nityaprabhandam5239]

Oh my god, as another neurodivergent girl, EXACTLY. Every time I see the phrase "not like other girls" I mentally say to my self "Yeah I'm not like other girls. In fact I'm not like other people." Because living in society makes me feel "othered" every single moment of my life. Just makes me wonder how many of those labelled this way are just NDs.

[@geraniumblue]

exactly. pain is the right word :(

[@caleighbocrie577]

I feel this! I’m a very tall woman with a high pitched voice. People don’t know how to respond to that. People think I’m putting on an act with my voice for attention. And men would feel uncomfortable at the idea of me being taller than them, to the point where I stopped wearing high heels to avoid being even taller. So growing up, I always felt like I took up too much space and that I’d be annoying people if I talked to them. I felt like I wasn’t feminine enough because all the other girls I knew were shorter and I was bullied for it. And when a shorter woman had a higher voice, people saw them as cute. However, as an adult, I’ve learned two different things. The first is if my mom heard someone else say the things I say about myself, she’d be ready to rip out that person’s uvula. So why talk about myself in that way? If your mom isn’t that great, then imagine someone who would be furious if someone disrespected you. And if I said those things to someone else, it’d be so disrespectful. The second is that I’m a freaking adult now and that it’s my responsibility to support myself… so FUCK ‘EM! Nobody else can determine how I feel except for me, so if someone else judges me for me being me, FUCK ‘EM! It’s a great phrase that I use frequently… especially since I’m an adult and have more important things to focus on. So all of the ladies in the crowd, say it with me… FUCK ‘EM!!!!!!’

[@Hahshdhbcbcyoutube]

You could be a model, y'know

[@neonradius]

I was recently talking about how even subcultures like hippies and punks can be full of horribly bigoted behavior, and my conclusion reminds me a lot of how I feel about the whole pick me debate: There is not subculture, fashion style, aesthetic, hobby, interest, or identity that saves you from being a “bad person”. A feminine girly girl can be just as much of a misogynist as a girl with masculine interests who’s “one of the dudes”. But actually unpacking your internalized misogyny is hard, so it’s easier to associate good politics with things that are easy to control (how you dress and act). Especially if you already dress/act that way, so you don’t need to actually change anything about yourself. It’s hard to realize that you do put down other women, and even harder to fix. Instead of going through important self examination, just act like wearing makeup/not wearing makeup makes you a feminist!

[@sarahmcmahon600]

This is so well put and important!

[@pompitousoflove]

💯

[@kaworunagisa4009]

@VVillle Dahling, my Mommy Dearest is a freaking narc I'm NC with. If by some cosmic joke it does happen, _then_ I might subscribe

[@Kermitt_thee_frog23]

There was a point where I was getting recommend "pov: pick me" videos non-stop & i couldn't help but notice how often these videos would put down girls for not being strong at a specific skill or not having an interest instead of actually drawing on the women that the archetype refers to. In a way, it just felt like a whole "tomboy vs girly girl" thing where each would put down the other (EX: "I'm horrible at makeup" = pick me; "I really like makeup" = also pick me). Idk if this will make sense but I feel like sometimes that kind of content was made to appeal to women who feel the same way & prove they're a "girls girl" (like a "pick me" for girls?). It's like we're always trying to get approval from other women in order to feel comfortable in our existance as women.

[@wastelanderone]

@VVillle she already died 8 years ago checkmate fella

[@laralara3521]

Yesssss this so much!

[@timriehl1500]

​@VVillle my mother died 20 years ago

[@ExeErdna]

That's why the term lost all power because it's treated like "gay" is for guys. Since gay as a derogatory term been popping back up as of late. It it's basically the male pick me now. Men like cooking = gay Woman like it = pick me. Basically both come from people doom scrolling talking shit on people's being normal.

[@jenm1]

They will pit women against each other at any turn. Women can’t relax

[@buffoello]

so much of pick me culture is based on assumptions. you assume she's doing this or that because she wants the attention of men. it's very one-sided and one-dimensional to assume all womens' intentions and actions are with men in mind. women are whole people, but still today we're having trouble remembering that.

[@LangkeeLongkee]

​​@user-xr7ci8tf3e anti choice feminism and telling women that they ONLY like pink and ONLY shave because of social conditioning is definitely not the answer pookie.

[@flyingfox3296]

​@user-xr7ci8tf3e We are constantly operating under a patriarchal society with sexist/misogynist undertones. There's nothing we can do about that. Is cooking for your husband wrong because it's traditional and commonly used as a sexist way of controlling women? I don't think so. Choosing NOT to cook for your husband out of fear that it's a "sexist action" in my opinion, is letting the patriarchy control your actions, and can actively stifle women from having their own interests. This is actually very relevant to the ideas expressed in the video! I spent years denying my own individuality because I believed it was rooted in sexism. I will not do that any longer. I WANT to be a "princess" and I WANT a knight in shining armor. Clearly this is historically tied with sexist ideals, but that doesn't make the desire itself wrong or sexist. You may associate them together all you want, but in my opinion, true feminism is allowing women to choose to do what they desire (such as wear white at their wedding or cook for their husbands, or do neither of those things) without judgement.

[@loverrlee]

Especially queer women. If anything, I’m doing it for women’s attention. I guess it technically works if they call me a pick me because I did get their attention lol

[@ExeErdna]

@@flyingfox3296 That circles into women not knowing how to cook for themselves. So many actions that would be for a woman to gain her on independence from others end up locking her into other female stereotypes of being "useless" So it ends up being a catch-22. Either she knows skills that COULD be used when she gets married yet that doesn't mean she IS learning them to just serve somebody else and or it's against her will. Like we all need to learn how to take care of ourselves somewhat. Like her learning to be self-reliant is a "pick me move" is mind-numblingly stupid.

[@jenm1]

It’s anti intellectualism and lazy thinking really

[@Sweetie_Belle123]

There was a 9 year old girl who posted a joke about how she’s small for her age and the comment section was full of people bullying her and calling her a pick me 😭 like how are you bullying a child at your grown age? Are you not embarrassed?

[@RoamingAdhocrat]

gosh I wish this hellsite had a feature to hide comments from people who've not watched the whole video

[@TaraMooknee]

if only 😭😭

[@anjetto1]

The comment section would be empty. Though, now that you say it, that does sound nice

[@RoamingAdhocrat]

@@anjetto1 the comment section would be empty for at least 45 min after upload ;) (I'm not through the video yet. just hate all "first" and "babe wake up" and "when I see [channel name i click" noise)

[@evi6629]

As I write this the video came out 46 minutes ago and is 46 minutes long, so any comment older than 10 seconds ago is automatically invalid... unless they used 2x speed.

[@anjetto1]

@@RoamingAdhocrat oh. I hate people who comment about a subject that gets talked about later. Lol

[@disembodied1273]

As a masc lesbian I've always had mixed feelings about "pick me" discourse. Like, some women just aren't feminine, (or maybe they are but their experience with feminity are complicated due to other factors such as race, class, neurodivergency etc) and sometimes, the societal expectation to be feminine is alienating. That is a valid experience, and we're allowed to talk about it lmao. It's not always an attack on other women. That being said, unfortunately, sometimes it is weaponized by people who project their insecurities onto others. So, really, it comes down to tone, context, and intentions. TLDR; i agree let women live

[@laralara3521]

I agree so much. I was a tomboy towards the end of middle school and felt so alienating, bacause I had a hard time joining into conversations that revolved around feminity and in my class it was a high time of bad boy romance, loads of Make up and interest in guys. I always felt like I had to prove myself, because it just wasn't for me, but I felt alone with my interests and behaviour.

[@zeybani]

agree agree agreeee. i'm a femme lesbian, and i grew up hating the color pink, and i still mostly don't like it as an adult. and the horrible things some of these "girls girl"s say about women/girls not liking pink or not liking dresses/skirts are just... wow. like what if some girls hate pink, not because they want to appeal to men, but actually because the color pink is HEAVILY associated with traditional femininity and has ties to heteronormativity? why is it considered a "performance for men" to talk about our experiences with having traditional femininity and heteronormativity pushed down our throats since childhood?

[@disembodied1273]

@@zeybani exactly 💯 💯💯 they never wanna acknowledge the heteronormative elephant in the room

[@MaliUrum]

​@VVilllebot

[@jenm1]

I personally don’t experience my femininity like I wish because I can’t afford to look effortlessly girly or alt or whatever. It is goddamn privileged discourse either way and they need to garner real problems

[@liste302]

The "anti-pick me" trend, especially during the barbie movie time last summer, has always annoyed me. Because as you said, they have a valid point (feminine interests are valid as well), but to me it seemed like they were just (unintentionally) reinforcing gender stereotypes. We don't have to act like "feminine" interests are only reserved for girls and we don't have to say that women generally don't like "masculine" things

[@lenaramoon4617]

I feel like women should be free TO BE WHO THEY ARE.

[@sunfastrose]

To quote Ke$ha - “We R who we r…DJ turn it up”

[@AstronomicalJelly]

right. it's just making fun of masculine women/women with masculine interests all over again. can we pls just let women be😭

[@fundiptimes]

It really bothered me too, because I think the pick me trend came from seeing like. Misogynistic representations of women as shallow and vapid etc and wanting to pull away from that (albeit, in a way that's also misogynistic), so being the opposite of that is just. Being that misogynistic representation of what a woman is. Like, let's just get rid of all of it

[@laralara3521]

@@fundiptimes I agree so much.

[@CodeNameX001]

I know this whole video is about abandoning the idea of the "Pick Me", but I just need to say it: The Anti-Pick Me is just a meta-level Pick Me. The Pick Me demands that they're not like every other girl, they reject the stereotype to recieve affirmation from the patriarchy. But when every woman is treated like a Pick Me, then the Anti-Pick Me rejects the new stereotype to recieve affirmation from the patriarchy. The best solution to all of this is to abandon our obsession with labels and the social hierarchy and accept that human beings are multi-faceted individuals who are more that just one single thing, and are instead the result of a collection of unique experiences... but something makes me thing we have an uphill battle.

[@shieldtrigger]

Which translates to "we need to get off the internet, as it works within the very concepts of tags and microcultures, hence reinforcing them", something only scifi writers can dream off.

[@ed-edd-n-eddiee]

the whole ‘pick-me’ storm always makes me dig out that one trusty margaret atwood quote that never fails to bring me to my knees. ‘up on a pedestal or down on your knees, it's all a male fantasy... even pretending you aren't catering to male fantasies is a male fantasy: pretending you're unseen, pretending you have a life of your own, that you can wash your feet and comb your hair unconscious of the ever-present watcher peering through the keyhole, peering through the keyhole in your own head, if nowhere else. you are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. you are your own voyeur.’

[@sourlimerick]

In conclusion, being a woman is tiring 🙃

[@smolfoxx]

I love this quote ❤ thanks for adding it

[@calebh373]

What are you even talking about? I have an actual life with things to do, and simply cannot be bothered to care in the slightest about what every woman in my line of sight is doing.

[@bannedmann4469]

This is interesting in a twisted way. Is fitting in to one particular “male fantasy” a problem? Even by chance? That’s next level hate..

[@harmonyelizabeth6108]

@@calebh373it’s about living under the patriarchy. The quote is not literal, it is saying that unfortunately everything a woman does is judged by the patriarchy. Of course we are people and we have lives and interests and relationships that have nothing to do with men. But arguably, philosophically, everything a person (all genders) does or is expected to do is a response to (either an acceptance or rejection of) the patriarchy.

[@CatBarefield]

I think the reason the subway tiktok joke didnt land is that there was no way for the general public to know it was a bit. I don’t know her, i don’t know she’s a professional comedian. Some people do genuinely hold these beliefs (or commit to the bit of pretending they do), making it kinda hard to jump to “she’s trolling” right away

[@vuivraalbastra]

Exactly my thoughts. We're seeing so many videos on a daily basis from people we don't know in the slightest that it's easy to take most of them literally. I'm sure there is a double standard between sexes when it comes to comedy, I find myself reinforcing that by accident sometimes too, but if I'd see the same joke told by a male comedian I never saw before while he has a straight face... I'll also assume he's just being misogynistic. If there's no indication in the title or the description of the video that it's satire, how am I supposed to know for sure? And even when you have disclaimers, sometimes your content gets reposted without the context so it's impossible to tell how genuine it is.

[@spacemythics]

absolutely agree. i've seen too many people spouting that sort of thing genuinely/seriously. i would never have picked it up as satire if it hadn't been stated later - maybe the autism doesn't help, but i'm going to take that sort of thing at face value unless it's made clear that it's satire. i'm glad she was joking, but it wasn't clearly a joke, so it landed as a justpearlythings ripoff instead of an interesting and humorous critique.

[@LianTheInvisible]

Yeah, when I saw it in this video (not actually the original video, but from what I got it's literally like that) I got the impression that she was projecting and talking about someone specifically. There are too many videos of strangers on the internet who are 100% serious when they do something like this... It was really hard to spot the satire. But, to be fair, she said that she was not in control of the edit, so I'm gonna blame also whoever edited the video in that way. Like, maybe I would still not get the joke but, with a better edit, I would at least get it was satire.

[@jaynestrange]

I think it makes perfect sense and is funny? Like, she's describing *a New York dude's ideal girlfriend*, not a real girl. The way she says "I'd love to meet her" sorts of implies that such a girl might not even exist in the real world. Idk, I thought it was fairly obvious that she was making a joke about what men think they want?

[@DiamondSG]

Right. Sometimes people do just want something to be angry about, but sometimes you miss the context and risk taking it seriously. I missed the beginning part on my first listen through, which as @jaynestrange said was an important part of knowing it's satire. As always, missing context isn't always an individual's fault and I think it's a big part of why the Internet is such a big place for conflict to arise.

[@kateruckus]

I'm a gay woman who has been called a "pick me" because I'm super into guitar gear, but when I try to talk to my girlfriend about guitar pedals she has no interest. Be yourself and like whatever you like.... And don't make your girlfriends listen to boring KZbin videos about guitars.

[@barbicel]

As Chappel Roan once said: "You should break up!" If your partner acts bored around the things youre really interested in. She might not like it, but least she should lisent & pay attention to it. Do that with my little brother when he talks about WWE , or my parents when I overdump about musicals.

[@kateruckus]

@@barbicel No, I'm not going to dump my wonderful kind girlfriend just because she isn't interested in guitar gear.

[@chaoschowder]

​@@barbicelI feel like this is only applicable when it's with EVERY interest

[@Newnodrogbob]

⁠I love how the internet overwhelmingly tells people to break up with their SO for…literally anything. Good for you for making clear how ridiculous that is. If you think your SO has to like EVERYTHING you like, something is wrong. Guitar gear is one of those hobbies that is really interesting to the people who like it and incomprehensible to those who aren’t into it. My wife can relate to your girlfriend.

[@threeheavenshealing]

Solid advice here👍

[@tombboy1436]

pick me/nlog ended up just meaning "d*ke" lets be real and i think a big part of the resentment a traditionally feminine woman might have towards a woman who doesn't particularly fit those roles comes from a feeling of being cheated. like, "I had the option to not do all this? to not worry so much about maintaining a state of hyperfemininity? that was an option? does she think she's better than me to reject his uniform, as if she's stronger than me?" I know this because for the brief periods of my younger life when I was traditionally feminine I had a taste of those feelings, even though ultimately I've returned to enjoying non conformity. Basically, it can be confusing and feel like the rug is being pulled from under you to learn that what you thought it meant to be a woman was a lie, it wasn't material aesthetic or submissiveness, etc. Confusion and sudden new, contradictory information can breed very powerful anger.

[@Reed5016]

I agree with you 100%. This is also why some women are homophobic towards lesbians and and sapphic people. Our existence challenges heteronormativity, and they perceive it as a threat. The whole “you live a life where you can date other women? I could’ve dated women without being treated badly by society? It’s not fair!” Not saying that’s all lesbophobia, but I’ve definitely heard a lot of straight girls discuss the whole “life is probably do much easier as a lesbian” thing. Like they wish they didn’t have to be attracted to men and wish they didn’t have to conform to heteronormativity. But instead of acknowledging that they might be queer, they reject queerness and criticize sapphics.

[@adrenalinevan]

100% Like, yes both stereotypically feminine girls and gender non-confirming girls will get called pick me by the other... but are we just going to ignore that gender roles exist and are pushed relentlessly on women to the point that one clearly has much more social power over the other.

[@nanomia]

this is very interesting!

[@GiulianaBruna]

The moral is you can't unlearn misogyny through memes.

[@kp-da]

Skill issue

[@cinnabonsnsugar]

​@@kp-da shush

[@commandacrunch]

An interesting parallel to "Pick Me" is the term "Simp". It started as a way to refer to a guy who unquestioningly agrees with or defends a woman despite his own feelings just because he finds them attractive. I see poeple getting called simp all the time now even when supporting women who are genuinely supporting women. A big difference though is that even though simp is mostly used by men to criticize other men the shift still feels rooted in misogyny. It feels like more of an indictment of the woman in the scenario. It's like they're saying that no reasonable person could agree with and support this woman unless they wanted to sleep with her. Nobody gets called a simp in general for the way they act or their personality or interests it's always in response to someone's feelings about a specific woman.

[@Flesh_Wizard]

"White Knight" is a similar, much older term. It is an inversion of your definition of "simp" here. It describes a man who is "soft" and "feminist", who defends femininity but for performative reasons, and not because he actually cares

[@venus4724]

This! I was actually coming to the comments to remark on this.

[@amiable_monster]

Oh yeah. It got so ridiculous that guy loving his wife/girlfriend and making her suprises or gifts is called "simp".

[@MalenaLorente]

My man is constantly called a simp by both friends and family because on some occasions he has decided to do feminine things with me (which he obviously cannot enjoy because he is a boy 😒) he has told them that when he decides to do things with me he does it at own will and that I never force him and they still call him whipped and a simp

[@kokoska-uf5mi]

Right!! Now it's used as an insulting way to describe a man that shows any amount of support/love for women. Even their own girlfriends, wives, best friends... It's so pathetic it's like if you treat women as human beings you're a simp.

[@gen-summer]

SO basically there's only one solution to this tragicomedic ouroboros -- recognizing that every single person you see (even the ones on tiktok) exists not as vehicles to further your own sense of superiority but complex individuals whose drives, beliefs, actions, and emotions should be respected.

[@shyc0sis]

if only this idea was more common 😭

[@WrottJackson]

Imagine a world where people actually thought that way. Yeah, it’s not gonna happen, not anytime soon.

[@cheesecakelasagna]

They might need to hear this in Fortnite terms 😅😅

[@gen-summer]

​@cheesecakelasagna 'stop assuming bad intention and ignorance of women'...uhh skibidi... rizz..? idk im a millennial

[@ValentijnEnJack]

INCLUDING MEN (Please don't take this personally, it wasn't. Unless you're exactly the type of person who needed to hear this.

[@giuliaferrucci6662]

Thinking I spent my whole teenage years beating myself up for having been a pick me, when it was actually a reaction to being excluded and ignored for failing to perform femininity right is... something. I think we should all just accept we were born into the patriarchy, and are just doing our best lol

[@isamaruuu]

Literally

[@divantemalachi9587]

Im so tired of people gendering every possible thing, it's so weary just let people do whatever as they please

[@JizzaTony]

@VVillle No, it’s a competition and I’m winning

[@yikes4946]

@@JizzaTony It's a bot, just don't respond.

[@nerag7459]

@VVillle bot

[@Penelope_777]

Yesh I feel like the whole trans discourse is further perpetuating gender stereotypes.... Just because a guy likes makeup and barbies doesn't mean he's a girl!

[@sweenstaruploads-go1ml]

op, b4 the wrong kinds of ppl swarm ur replies emboldened by the most recent one: no, this is not trans people’s fault. Trans people are some of the loudest advocates on the planet for allowing ppl to do whatever they want w/o having their identity dictated to them on the basis of these hobbies/fashion styles/etc - it’s kind of the entire point. Please stop blaming us for your own/parents’ own/educators’ own ignorance when they don’t bother to learn beyond their stereotypical ideas of what being trans/nb is and teach it to others (Edit: I get there’s odd exception like the trans woman on tiktok who tried to claim Kurt Cobain was definitively a closeted trans woman himself, but I’m at pains to point out that I only learned abt the drama because of the many, many other trans people who pulled her up on how this was wrong to do lol)

[@evedove4759]

I'm uncomfortable with the 'pick me' and 'girl's girl' labels because I'm autistic. I've spent my entire life being excluded from female friendship groups for not understanding the unspoken rules and not performing femininity correctly. 'Girl's girl' seems like a term almost designed to alienate women like me who don't fit in. I often wonder if a lot of 'I'm not like other girls' types were also actually undiagnosed autistic and rebelling against an experience of girlhood they felt excluded from. I often hesitate to discuss my experience with female friendships because I'll be labeled a 'pick me'.

[@neverxnice3577]

Not like other girls has 100% always been like that. Before diagnosis, that's basically just what i called it LOL.

[@justausername5749]

What I’ve noticed is that many women will often go full circle and act as though other girls will always have your back, and talk about girl code as if its gospel, which never reasoned with me. As another undiagnosed autistic girl, I was often beaten down and made fun of by both men and women alike, which makes me confused. Women are so complex, and all of us are different. Is it not inherently backwards to assume all women are on our side when that is clearly not true?

[@Sofie424]

@@justausername5749 Yes, saying stuff like that when it's clearly not true is part of the unspoken rules.

[@officialapplewhite]

reading your comment was such a relief on my heavy heart bc this is exactly how I feel as an autistic girl and I can’t put it into words lol.

[@Chillikilli]

I feel this

[@skyhideaway]

i recently saw a reel on instagram where a girl was simply asking how people wear foundation, because she had sensory issues and found it uncomfortable when foundation was too cakey on her face. a simple question, honestly, and i empathize with her because i feel the same way. but somehow, people decided that this was pick-me behaviour and started absolutely tearing her apart in the comment section. it's like we did a complete 360 and went right back to reinforcing gender norms and forcing all women to be traditionally feminine. great job, everyone.

[@_.-._.-Y0K0-._.-._]

Were there any actual answers to the question?

[@skyhideaway]

@@_.-._.-Y0K0-._.-._ there may have been, i didn't look at every single comment

[@Gingersnaps_the_pumpkin_kitty]

@@skyhideaway well okay, I will say there is a difference between asking for makeup tips and asking "how do you do this thing everyone does and that I can't do because of a medical condition?". *Because one has an answer, **_the other one answers it's self._* And when you ask questions you already know the answer to, there's typically a negative reason for it that is up for interpretation. And when people are CONSTANTLY being told something is bad and stupid, they will autofill that. *_Asking open ended questions gets you open ended results and this is the internet we're talking about which runs on algorithms and shit._* It's like telling a joke poorly, it is also kinda on the person who told the joke. *You do have to think about what you are communicating, **_especially when communicating with total strangers out of any interpersonal context._* Edit: BASICALLY, there was infact a better way to express that and without secondary social cues to indicate tone _that does infact sound like something you could say to mock people who wear makeup._ So yes people shouldn't dog pile and jump down people's throats, *but also you should probably keep in mind the void you are screaming into can hear what you're saying **_and definitely has opinions about that._*

[@skyhideaway]

@@Gingersnaps_the_pumpkin_kitty you don't even know how the person worded their question, i just paraphrased it here. so unless you've seen the exact video i'm talking about, everything you just said is invalid.

[@CeruleanStar]

​​​@@Gingersnaps_the_pumpkin_kitty Friendly reminder that sensory issues are most common in neurodivergent people, and you are talking about understanding social cues, which neurodivergent people are a lot less likely to be able to do. You are very likely criticizing a neurodivergent child for acting like a neurodivergent child. Don't place the blame on the kid for not picking up on the social cues you feel she should already know. Even if she is neurotypical, everyone learns things at different paces. She asked a simple question, and she deserved a simple answer without hostility

[@ktostam35]

I kid you not, I saw someone call Disney's Cinderella a pick me for not standing up to her abusers and needing outside help to break free which just so happened to be a man's help

[@ard4461]

I thought this stuff was purely online until I found out a coworker I thought was my friend was talking behind my back calling me a "pickme" for not shaving my legs and having 'weird/masuline' interests. She was heavily recommending me some witchy type books about feminity and feminine gods and how to learn to love yourself as a woman so ig that shouldve been my red flag. Feeling more comfortable not shaving and liking paleontology/video games means I hate women and myself apparently.

[@kaytoomuchsalt5100]

This is shitty behavior in general obviously but one of her reasons being that you don’t shave your legs is WILD cuz that doesn’t even align with the male gaze 😭

[@jocelynbishop6816]

Yeah, there are a lot of neopagans that preach gender essentialism. It drives me mad. Every time I try to learn more about paganism I'm met with repackaged misogyny and transphobia.

[@GaganSingh-nx2yv]

Not shaving legs is pick me?! Ermm wtf.

[@Cyntaria]

How to actually love yourself as a woman is embracing your body and not changing your body to please others. You do you girl. Loving your body and expressing yourself how YOU want is the healthiest thing you can do. 💜

[@lifeimprovement9649]

I thought not shaving was seen as a feminist thing 😂 gosh we really can not win

[@Vohalika]

2014's Fake Gamer Girl Discourse has breached contagion and reached the normies. Everyone take cover.

[@twiggledowntown3564]

Alarm sounds off in the background.

[@kidkangaroo5213]

Truly, all human squabbles can be reduced to like 10 archetypes

[@styxthistle497]

Thought you were talking about the youtuber Fake Gamer Girl for a sec

[@blablah9938]

oh my god, you ressurected memoriess that were burried DEEP

[@instagamrr]

Omg. My channel was literally an example of this

[@sinestesianestesia9079]

"They're so low maintenance they dont even need rights" LMAOO this killed me 😂😂😂 😢😢 so accurate

[@van_ol1056]

A family member of mine raised her children alone bc the father was an abuser and she is against financial aids for single moms?????

[@Elennar29]

​@@van_ol1056 Not sure why they believe welfare and government assistance is a lavish lifestyle

[@AShreads55]

@@van_ol1056 it's "I suffered, so should you" mentality

[@van_ol1056]

@@AShreads55 that's the thing, in my country there's financial aids for single moms and people who haven't worked for a while get a very cheap apartment paid plus money for food. She got those things yet votes for a right wing party that wants to make those aids much lower bc they want to force women to not divorce or leave their husbands bc "traditional family" 😭

[@wolfsmaid6815]

@van_ol maybe she realized what she did was wrong. people can have personal growth, you know?

[@reniecoffey]

I was a daddy's girl growing up, while my mom was kinda cold to me. I typically have pick me behavior because of it but it's not a sexual thing, nor an attention thing, it's because I'm actually more comfortable with male affection. I am trying to be more comfortable with women, being vulnerable and open, and have found it so rewarding

[@chill4982]

When people first began to criticize the not as other girls trope, I thought we were heading in the right direction where people realized that girls don't need to act a certain way to impress men. Cause in a lot of young adult media geared towards young girls, the main character is seen as special and different from all the other girls because she either defies gender roles or is not promiscuous, unlike the other girls who care about their looks, sleeping around with guys and bullies the main character. When their male love interest tells them "you're not like other girls" it implies that other girls are the problem and that the main character is better than all of them. But the whole trend just went full circle, and now every time a girl acts a certain way, she is suddenly seen as a pick me. Even if it is not for male attention. Sometimes they might want to make friends with no intention of tearing down other girls. Sometimes girls may act quirky because that is who they are. The only time I will ever label a girl a pick me is if she putting down other women for male approval. Even when girls acknowledge how short they are, suddenly everyone screams "Pick me"!

[@DrawciaGleam02]

Yes! I've seen this myself!

[@beyond.thepages_]

This is so true 😭 Like I was once called a pick me on instagram because I said that I’m a short girl. Which is straight up facts because I am short. (I'm 150cm) So I was just telling the truth. But people just stick the "pick me" label on me.

[@RoxaneQueen]

The problem here is that being different doesn't make you better. The hate for the trope was uncalled for because it was just validating girls who were attacked and shamed for being non traditionally feminine

[@greenmountainhistory7335]

@@beyond.thepages_4’11” in freedom units

[@kenyaholloway-reliford8213]

I never liked the trend

[@lily-xj3hv]

as someone who grew up struggling to relate to other girls and feeling like i was failing at being a woman bc of my more stereotypically masculine interests, i think its really important to acknowledge how isolating it can be to have traits that others would describe as "pick me". and seeing people rally so strongly against "pick me" girls really brings back that feeling of othering. all i wanted as a kid was to fit in with the other girls, and i think the perceived obnoxiousness that people have a problem with is often a coping mechanism for feeling like an outcast

[@disembodied1273]

@@lily-xj3hv I relate to this 🖤

[@91Vault]

It's hard being a teen who doesn't fit the mold and people forget that a) sometimes those sentiments are coming from real feelings of isolation and frustration and b) we tend to deal with frustration by letting it out on others (targeting the individuals that engage with "girl" culture rather than the wider society that tried to box you in) it takes time to develop understanding and nuance.

[@brooke_reiverrose2949]

Exactly. It’s just rationalization for bullying. Same old dance dressed up in a new covering.

[@Scybes]

I started hearing 'pick me' as 'pygmy' and i can't stop laughing

[@darlalathan6143]

They're called "Twi, Twa, or Mbuti," now.

[@vexedlex8230]

@@darlalathan6143 That's a mouthful. Can I not just pick one?

[@AliceLoverdrive]

Furtive Pygmy, so easily forgotten...

[@бронза.вафля.конус]

​@@darlalathan6143Mbuti is NOT a pygmy! Omg

[@justcomments]

@@vexedlex8230 don’t pick one 😬 ask which group the person belongs too

[@bespectacledheroine7292]

I got called a pick me when I told another woman that women should be able to enjoy the attention of men no differently than men enjoy the attention of women. I said, "You're right, I am a pick me, I'm hoping another woman will want to befriend me and we'll practice REAL feminism together."

[@Arodvaz1]

Yeah! You do you, Tina!

[@nanomia]

true!

[@Ratress6]

Icon!!! Show ’em Tina

[@sseraphim2818]

First. Pearl has to be number one on the hit list. She's worked so hard. Give her that pickmeisha award and grand prize.

[@eslem.4]

No you are third

[@adamssmasher]

@@eslem.4 shhhhhhh

[@dimman77]

Is Pearl really that incredibly stupid? Like everything I've seen seems to show that she could very well be incredibly stupid, but are we sure it isn't an act given her apparent success grifting from dumb men?

[@stephysteph9538]

Her prize is an alpha bro who will cheat on her.

[@BeGlamourlicious]

I don’t know. She’s like a comic pick me…

[@leahblush1152]

Your comment about no one being born a feminist stood out to me. I believe a lot of people indirectly assume that women are born with this innate desire to want to view everyone equally. But I would say that human nature, and our brain's desire to seek out patterns, will innately lead us to the opposite. This categorization of people is more tempting to individuals like teens and sheltered people who have never been disadvantaged in a meaningful way, because it aligns so closely with how you perceive the world before being challenged. We'll all be a little less angry when we acknowledge that the journey to feminist ideals is not uniform and not something we're born with. And it's not something that people who have never encountered the issues of misogyny will want to accept initially because it doesn't fit what's made sense to them all their life. But it doesn't mean they can't with a little patience.

[@ko379]

this is a tangent based on your bit about height, but what's interesting is that when you grow up short, you're told "oh, men prefer tall, willowy women like models" and when you grow up tall, you are told, "oh, men prefer short women who don't make them feel insecure". the result of this is that you feel jealousy towards the other group of women, and then when you encounter a woman who is the opposite of you, you may try to compliment them. "oh youre so little and cute!" (and the short woman hears "you're childish and not to be taken seriously") or "wow, you're so tall!" (and the tall woman hears "you're an oaf and tower above everyone"). then, you resent the other group BOTH for having something you want, AND for insulting you to your face about it. Then, you think it's appropriate to bash them on tiktok for being short lol. it just goes to show there's really no way to win being a woman.

[@c1oudsky]

i mean, there is if you stop caring about either of those

[@WrottJackson]

I don’t know where you grew up to where you were told that men like tall girls but that’s mostly not the case.

[@WrottJackson]

@@c1oudsky I really don’t see why people of either gender care about height. Height has nothing to do with anything in regard to health or physical capability or…anything. So why the hell do people care?!

[@c1oudsky]

@@WrottJackson idk man. I don't even remember my own height, let alone having any interest to that number in anyone

[@nyko9631]

Ngl I had a brainfart moment when you showed the subway girls second video where she was explaining that she was just acting, you made me take a look back at myself and made me remember that I used to not like how people judged each other on the internet based off of very little information and also how I had become what I once despised because I wanted to fight for online justice. it also made me realise that when we see a person that we don't agree with on social media we get into a mindset of fighting at the cost of humiliating the other to make our point against them rather than trying to make them understand our criticism with kindness

[@Malumen]

Saddest is my friendo trying to empathize with how patriarchy also affects men and she had to follow with "I don't mean to be a pickme, sorry".

[@Younghoulhead]

Saying "friendo" honestly time to shut up permanantly

[@apt_get]

@@Younghoulhead Not sure what’s going on in your life but take a deep breath… it’s not that deep.

[@Kleptocracy154]

You sound like anton chigurh when you say "friendo"😂

[@thekicker2517]

Honestly this fucking annoyed me so much. So like a few years back their were two women (can't remember the names, will look it up and add in the edit) one was a lesbian who pretended to be a man for a little bit just to see how it goes and the other talked to men's rights groups, both came to the conclusion that being a guy is generally pretty mentally taxing and not having the privilege of governmental support systems and NGOs that women have access to is horrible and miserable. They were vilified, called "pick me"s, misogynists etc. just for talking about issues that men face. Edit: first woman is Norah Vincent, she wrote a book called self made man. Second one was Cassie Jaye, she made a documentary called "The Red Pill".

[@celiasisii3617]

😢😢😢😢 so sad Womp womp😂😂😂

[@delphinidin]

In Pride and Prejudice, Caroline Bingley literally accuses Lizzie Bennet of being a pick-me. ‘Eliza Bennet,' said Miss Bingley, when the door was closed on her, 'is one of those young ladies who seek to recommend themselves to the other sex by undervaluing their own; and with many men, I dare say, it succeeds. But, in my opinion, it is a paltry device, a very mean art.'

[@vf1923]

Great point. I think looking to literature for examples of performative gender and performative gender criticism is very useful, because helps prove this is neither new nor particularly difficult to get our head around. Lizzie does have negative thoughts about women in general (and is not the only Austen character to do so, although they do not exempt themselves from the general criticism), but the criticism of her by Caroline is targeted. Caroline feels the need to do this because she knows Darcy is more into Elizabeth than her and she dislikes her family and is a big jerk and she's trying to discredit Elizabeth in the eyes of Darcy but also (as a backup) win back her sense of superiority. The whole scene perfectly encapsulates everything that can go into these exchanges and why people do it. It's all about our internal sense of validity and superiority, which is (in women's lives) so often judged by how successful they are with men. This is especially the case when women's lives hinge on their relationship to men, as they do in Jane Austen's universe. Caroline, although she has no reason to worry about money or her future given her immensely wealthy and loving brother, is nevertheless growing older without having yet successfully secured someone who she feels is worthy of her station in life and thus completed the thing women are expected to do in order to achieve true success and transition to the superior state of "married woman" which holds more power and validity than the "unmarried woman" in her society.

[@delphinidin]

@victoriafisher1923 yes, I agree: Caroline is accusing lizzie of trying to make herself look superior when that is exactly what Caroline's doing

[@WrottJackson]

Yeah, it’s almost like this has been happening since the dawn of humanity. Well maybe not the DAWN of humanity but at least once we started getting comfortable and needed to come up with reasons to hate each other.

[@presumptuouspreposterous]

as a butch queer woman, with more "masculine" interests, i have been saying - for AGES now - that the "pick me" term has been getting used to perpetuate hatred against gender non-conforming women, by gender conforming women. and sometimes, even when these gender conforming women don't hate us (gnc women) aloud - they do at least subconsciously exclude us. because if your definition of being "exactly like other girls" is essentially "being as stereotypically feminine as possible" - does that mean you either don't think gnc girls ARE ALSO girls, or you just don't acknowledge their existences in your mind to begin with?

[@wolfsmaid6815]

that's not true though. I'm the epitome of gender conforming: I'm a housewife and mom with long hair, makeup, high heels and flowy dresses every day. I love gardening and cooking/baking. Guess what I was called a lot at university?

[@wolfsmaid6815]

sorry I didn't mean your experience isn't true, I just meant that the "pick me" term is not just used to exclude non-conforming women, it's used to exclude the hyperfeminine as well. Everything that deviates from the norm even slightly.

[@Storm_CW]

I think you'll find the opposite happens. A lot. Do research. Hell, asks other gender confirning individuals in the street what they think a "pick-me" girl is. I guarantee you won't because that somehow makes you feel threatened just being in their presence, but also I guarantee you won't because you know that even gender conforming people will debunk your POV on a ratio that is embarrassing to admit.

[@umbellicalchick5635]

I don't think this comment said anything to indicate that it's Only used against GNC women. This woman is just lamenting her own experience with it. I don't quite identify as butch but I'm also GNC and also experience this tension with other women sometimes. It's feels like in order to show that you're one of the girls you have to perform femininity in a specific way. There's this attempt at women showing solidarity with and relating to each other by talking about 'girlhood' and 'womanhood' as if it's this homogenous experience. In many ways I do experience positives from this, but it can also alienate people who don't feel they fit in. The "pick me" thing absolutely gets used to target women who aren't feminine enough. The whole thing about being a woman friends with men = "pick me." The assumption that a disinterest in certain hobbies many women enjoy = a judgment of them, misogyny. I know feminine women experience it as well, but that's not what this comment is about. ​@@wolfsmaid6815

[@umbellicalchick5635]

And also, men are also often nasty to GNC women. It's not like it's saving us from misogyny from either side.

[@LucyRedmond-i6i]

I once got called a pick me for saying that I liked Spiderman 😐

[@user-dm6jy5jr9o]

Anyone who I am envious of = pickme Anyone whose existence triggers the preexisting deep seated self hatred I carry inside but am not emotionally mature enough to address = pickme

[@Smidgeon-pigeon]

Spot on

[@Alundolant]

Accurate

[@glupik1234]

thank you. I feel like envy is really overlooked because it's a shameful feeling (as in, you both confirm then that you think you're not as good as someone else AND want them to stop being/having/doing whatever it is that you're lacking), so people really tend to not analyse it as their motivation to do stuff

[@user-dm6jy5jr9o]

@@glupik1234 I agree- jealousy is a normal feeling everyone has once in a while but envy is destructive and involves self deception. “Not only do I deserve what they have, but they don’t deserve it”

[@user-unfriendly_-o-]

It's annoying how the "anti-pick me girl" Trend doesn't understand what's wrong with the "I'm not like the other girls" phrase and can't possibly fathom that there are a lot of different women so you literally can't be like all the others or unlike all the others.

[@marshall1003]

I'VE BEEN SAYING THIS. I have been a feminist since I was young and when this phrase became popular "I'm just like the other girls" I kept wondering what it meant. Girls are all beautiful in their own ways and to group them all as one fails to see us once again as human beings and individuals. We are our own people. I learned this was in response to men hating on "stereotypical women" which is hard to imagine on it's own because there is no stereotypical woman. This phrase felt like it was playing into whatever the hell men believed about us.

[@tokagefumei6656]

"I'm an ANTI pick me girl" oh. So you're. Not like those women? You're not like the other women? You specifically a want praise and attention for being not like those other women, who are bad? Hmmm if only there was a phrase for that-

[@mggardiner4066]

I’m glad it’s getting talked about as someone who grew up with the “not like other girls “ trope being big in books and then irl being annoying, but also felt uncomfortable how a lot of “girl power” /pop feminism response put down girls who actually don’t like makeup or feminists who would challenge actually possibly sexist standards. Especially neurodivergent women/girls or those who just aren’t always on trend

[@manderly33]

The name thing is WILD. How can I be a pick me for a name I didn’t pick?? Signed, Amanda

[@darlalathan6143]

The only women who pick their names are celebrities and trans women!

[@muwuriel8231]

I’m pretty sure that one was directed at Ariana for the Slater thing but who knows with some of these people

[@wowanothercookie]

Just in general, names, size, body type, lowkey skin color, there are just so many things you cannot change included in these definitions. Not that putting people down for what they like or chose to do is much better.

[@yunicelennar7626]

In Polish almost every female name ends with an A. We also have a big bunch of names that start with A. All in all, we have a limited number of names so it is hilarious to think that some rando perceives the majority of Polish women to be pick me due to our rigid naming traditions, lol.

[@ratputin8719]

I just love all women who are good people at the core. Do whatever you want girly, live your life, be yourself or dont or whatever know just that i love you and i am always supporting you like alll you need in this world is to be a genuinely good person nothing else really matters. I love all of you. None of the specifics, the demographics, the different types of women matter. Just let people live as long as theyre not causing any serious harm. Live and let live. Live and let live. And love lots.

[@hartthorn]

The whole "pick me" thing over whether someone is GENUINELY invested in something or just doing it for community is also wild because... like, don't we all want community? "She just watches football to hang around with these guys", like... yeah. That's what a lot of the guys are doing too. They're showing up just as much for the food and companionship as for the game. If no one was available to watch it with, they'd likely stick to the highlights reel and get the final score.

[@franciszekdo]

I'm not a big sports fan but having some beers and watching the game with people who do is a good time. A lot of people develop more genuine interest because of those communal experiences not the other way around.

[@jaminavestajugo3456]

An interesting point here! People can do things for community and this is totally fine and healthy. Unfortunately, people of all genders can also do things for validation, which is different: you do not actually want to connect with the people in the group or even see them as people, but rather as tools to prop up your ego. However, there can definitely be mixed motives. It can be hard for a person to untangle their own motivations, and is even more difficult from the outside.

[@bulbasaurevolved]

@@franciszekdoyes! My sister loves sports and I don’t. So she takes me to sports games with her so she can watch a game with some company, and I can drink a beer and chat with my sister lol. We always both have a great time.

[@FTMdoom]

this was a really great video! I feel like everyone is so hellbent on categorizing women, “girls girl” “pick me girl” “cool girl”, when it’d be more productive if we could all just do our own thing, have our own interests, and support each other

[@deadfr0g]

Oh, so you’re being true to your own feelings and living life authentically for yourself? Seems to me like you’re living life for yourself FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S APPROVAL! 🤨

[@Spoonie]

In my 20’s (more than 20 years ago) I always felt I had to deny my femininity to be taken seriously - at work, with friends, with boyfriends. It’s a family dynamic that wasn’t from my parents, it was from my grandparents. One on each side had a lot of misogyny and the more impactful misogynist was my grandmother. She was also kind of a dick in general but she devalued femininity and domestic duties… I tried to keep up with what she valued in people until I had no confidence in myself. And to her if you didn’t have all the self confidence in the world you were a loser; and therefore I had less confidence (like I said - she was a bell-end). I feel like this “pick me” call out culture was a way to call out internalized misogyny and that’s good, but has come full circle into actual misogyny. I really love this video and how it examines the bullshit. As a feminist today, you gotta stand firmly with delighting in other women’s rights to choose their own lives - tradwife? Awesome! as long as you CHOOSE it. Butch lesbian? Awesome! as long as you CHOOES it. Most women fall somewhere in between those two extremes… we can be fem today, butch tomorrow and nonbinary the next - lovely! Enjoy your life and your choices. Feminism is for ALL people. Feminism is about choice and freedom. Misogyny hurts everyone. Sit with your judgements before you examine and tear down someone else, take a look at yourself and why other people’s lives makes you angry. We gotta be able to call out misogyny without bringing other people down to “less than” status. This is how political atrocities happen. Young women please support other women - even if you disagree, don’t just slap a label and walk away, try to understand people.

[@dumbumbumbum8649]

As someone who’s never used TikTok and has never seen any of this before this video, I take issue with subway girl’s ‘I called a girl brain dead so you should obviously know I was joking and that this person isn’t real.’ Like, satire has to be exaggerated enough to be noticeable. She just said some bog standard misogynist things and expected it to be perceived as a joke. I think her follow up video works much better because it’s more obvious that it’s a joke, but I don’t think she can really blame others for not getting the original when she didn’t make it clear enough. I say this especially as an autistic person. Clear indication of tone is so important for us.

[@AstronomicalJelly]

yeah like i do agree with the point being made is that women get criticized more but i really do feel like she could've made it more obvious she was joking...?

[@darlalathan6143]

We can't tell somebody is a comedian unless they're on a stage with a microphone and a spotlight on them. And they have to start with "These two guys go into a bar..."

[@shinyhitomi3916]

Thank you, as a fellow autistic person, I was very uncomfortable at it. it felt a bit too close to like. If a sexist were watching it, I feel like they'd feel empowered/backed up in their belief that yes, some women ARE brain dead. It's offensive humor, which for the record, I don't like in men either.

[@shiina29]

Yeah, there has to be a tell because that video is all they have to make their determination, so if you just quack like a duck then people will call you a duck.

[@rainsquall]

I was about to write this, too. That "satire" was too down to earth. Real people have become caricatures, so anything is plausible nowadays...

[@awe_possum]

I think that "pick me" people are truly hurt from insecurities that haunt them about not being good enough, loveable, exciting etc. Thus, I never found it in my heart to label them or feel any cringe/ wish them ill will. People just be peopleing. It's hard stuff.

[@nabd341]

Yeah, like I think more than anything the whole being a pick-me is inherently tragic. If you don’t believe the things you’re saying about woman and aren’t being true to yourself for validation (which probably came from some sort of trauma or insecurity) that’s tragic, and if you genuinely believe the things that you’re saying about woman and therefore hate woman and by extension yourself (which probably came from hearing all these sexist things and then believing them) it’s tragic. So yeah, I agree with you. But at the same time, some things can be quite hurtful to other woman so there’s that. You’re right, it truly is hard for people to be peopling

[@jillm1142]

It's like calling out things in other women that make us feel insecure, but we are still centering men in all of this

[@patatipatata4990]

this is so real😭I started to feel bad for saying I don't like wearing makeup 'cause that was a "pick me" thing to say but this video brought me down to earth, thanks boo🙏

[@msjkramey]

Haha, I've never thought that I would get called a pick-me for my love of ceramics. I took a required art class in high school and fell in love with sculpting. The things we're not supposed to like are so random

[@phoebeel]

What? How is pottery pick me? Isn't that the most girly girl thing atm??

[@bingonight1504]

People who have nooooo hobbies because they can't get into anything get so mad when they see people being happy fr. Unless it's someone they can date and latch on to and then it's all "I love people who share their hobbies and passions with me!" like ok that's all good and well but where are yours

[@lyndonwesthaven6623]

As a professional potter, interested to hear that me and my entire customer base are damned by this criteria

[@jrojala]

@@lyndonwesthaven6623welcome to the patriarchy, it blows

[@msjkramey]

@bingonight1504 I mean, that's how I am with music. I don't have huge selection of songs that are "mine." But I love it when people share what they love with me. Those songs become very precious to me. I don't see how that's a bad thing?

[@dontmindmeimjustchilling]

Not being on instagram and tiktok has been the greatest blessing i ever gave to my mental health. I love listening to all of these niche microcultures that are supposed to ruin my mind as a woman vicariously

[@dontmindmeimjustchilling]

the subway girl is the patient zero of the modern pick me movement for sure, specifically because shes a comedian. I fucking hate comedians lol

[@arandomidiot1593]

I genuinely think Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, and TikTok in particular have had an enormous negative impact on society as a whole.

[@GaganSingh-nx2yv]

Same lol. I just hope yt doesn't devolve into something like that. It's the only thing I use.

[@jonal5126]

People in IG are so mean

[@livinqlovelyy]

But I'm starting to see it here too so were screwed either way

[@MisterMixxy]

I had no idea people *weren't* using "pick-me" exclusively to refer to women who tear down other women for male validation. The internet is dumb.

[@chickadeestevenson5440]

I've seen it be used to refer to any marginalized group that kisses up to their opressers in a way that involves throwing members of their own community under the bus.

[@chickadeestevenson5440]

@VVillle prommy?

[@maitreyikulkarni6045]

@VVillle why are you google translating what you want to say in sanskrit

[@chaoticneutralsheep]

Same, I used it exclusively when I see women idolising men to the point where they could do no wrong or be seen as human, but would disrespect women and never believe in their capabilities. Also anyone remember when tradwives used to be part of the tumblr BDSM kink space, now they're pushing other women into their kink when they're on tiktok, wild.

[@zephyrthorne266]

​​@VVilllejokes on you buddy. My mom literally did get killed in a car accident 4 months ago. Will subscribing to your chitty channel magically friggin resurrect her?

[@claireledingham8375]

There needs to be more conversation in society about what "internalised misogyny" actually is and how it affects the way young women behave. I feel sorry for women who put other women down, due to their internalised misogyny, and I believe if they were more educated they would feel better.

[@Jess-y7c]

The Queer Kiwi has made a few videos about internalized Misogyny so that’s two people at least that has made these videos!! But I agree more people need to speak up on this it’s out of hand women are acting just as bad as men.

[@smithsunleashed]

Exactly. I don’t hate them and wish revenge upon them like how these povs want to, but i want to help them understand and better themselves. I don’t understand how people are fine with just treating someone else terribly that way as well? We really need to be kind and better to each other

[@totallygre]

As a neurodivergent woman, I always felt guilty when my lack of interest and knowledge in “feminine” hobbies like make up, nails, celeb/pop culture, dating (or dating boys, because not being straight actually played a role in this) etc were signs of someone being a pick me girl. It was especially hard before getting my diagnosis because I didn’t understand why my interests, were not the same as my neurotypical girl friends and I felt (still feel) incredibly excluded by my friend groups because I can’t even say I’m not interested in make up or other “femenine” activities because I’m scared of being labeled as a Pick-Me.

[@werkkuhhuh]

yeah, and had to act neurotypical in any social situation or you get labeled pick me

[@ihope2504]

And the fact that these are not even 'feminine' hobbies, it's the sexism of media that has portrayed such things as hobbies.

[@SteveJubs]

“She’s actually at a bovine auction trying to get picked herself” 😂😂

[@joyofcookies]

Crazy thought: just enjoy the things you like and if someone tries to hate on it; ignore them.

[@itsnotmeBLEUFH-se5gn]

some ppl react to critism some ppl don’t

[@МаруЦубе]

@@itsnotmeBLEUFH-se5gn but why even criticize anyone who is not a public figure with a huge audience

[@WrottJackson]

Everyone should also ideally stop commenting on things unless they’re positive. It’s the Reddit experience you want to avoid.

[@joyofcookies]

@@WrottJackson agreed. But “If you can’t say something nice; don’t say anything.” only works until someone considers what they have to say “constructive criticism”

[@UltraMarineBlue]

I've once been called a pick me for saying I love the men in my life, you know, my father, brother and male friends 👁👄👁

[@Ratress6]

How dare you!! What next, are you gonna care about a male puppy?!

[@cinnabonsnsugar]

"pick me" when u don't hate on guys every sec and acc have positive men in ur lives 😱😱😱

[@essellesea]

The pick-me trend has evolved to calling any woman who deviates from conforming to traditional femininity as a pick-me/NLOG who hates other women and/or herself. This is entirely because people wrongly believe traditional femininity is something women are inherently born with, opposed to something we're socialised into, and therefor it must be a rejection or critique of it is a rejection of women. You now have people who are very comfortable embracing femininity taking constant stabs at those who are unfeminine or vocal about their rejection or critique of femininity because they're automatically projecting a set of beliefs (that she thinks she's better than you, that she hates you, that she can't possibly relate to you as a girly girl) onto these women, which is ironically what they're claiming the 'pick-me's' are doing to them. Additionally, as someone who did not wear makeup in school, and was generally not particularly feminine, it DID shape some of my experiences growing up! I did feel ostracised, I was made fun of, I did feel ugly, It made me reflect a lot on beauty standards etc. It's completely okay to acknowledge that we all have different experiences without it affecting solidarity between women. We need to stop using femininity as a measure of how much a woman supports other women. I'm tired of seeing the most toxic people call themselves a 'girl's girl' simply because they're very feminine.

[@sharpasacueball]

It was the other way around for a while

[@essellesea]

@@sharpasacueball This objectively isn’t true. Traditional femininity has always been mainstream and encouraged and seen as the natural state of women.

[@birdiewolf3497]

⁠@@esselleseaNo they have a point. The thing about femininity is that while it is encouraged it is always hated. Being traditionally feminine was the only thing a woman can be but also the worst thing anyone can be. That’s the thing about misogyny and patriarchy. The feminine is disgusting, it’s only acceptable in women, and we hate them. The whole NLOG thing was women seeing that, and thinking maybe if they distance themselves from that they won’t get maligned by men. So then the NGOLs get propped up like “yes I know those women are emotionally and stupid. They are so illogical about everything. Their interests are stupid and dumb. Why do they wear eyelashes like that? Everyone (men) thinks they look stupid.” and blah blah blah blah. It’s all a bit of a mindf*ck but everything boils down to male validation and how women particularly heterosexual women are a slave to it, and no one knows how to manage that and no one wants to look at the real problem which is our relationships with men and start going on about who’s a girls girl and who isn’t a girls girl.

[@tintu2476]

Lot of the Taylor Swift cult members label you as a pick me for simply not liking her music😭😭

[@danielapardo9776]

This. I agree with you so much.

[@Romanticoutlaw]

I think a big thing that gets lost these days in social media is _context._ Not knowing she's a comedian and not knowing the subway thing was meant to be a bit, I was way less charitable with her than I was the moment I knew that. I don't know if it was just the 'tism acting up, but I think generally a lot of even humorous online content is presented like "haha it's all a joke _but not really"._ Would love to hear some thoughts about that

[@incorporealrn]

I find that the politcal/social landscape we're in makes ironic and satirical jokes less funny since they blend in with bigoted messages from actual chuds. Hard to get a laugh from me when the stuff we consider as comically evil in the past are actually happening and caused by equally goofy villains irl

[@LalaMyers]

I just don't think it's a funny joke. A woman denying another woman humanity for a joke is just...not funny to me.

[@ealusaid]

@@LalaMyersEspecially since the ACTUAL joke was a woman denying the interior life of a woman who denies other women's interior lives. The punchline is "haha these bitter angry women are actually the braindead ones." It's never pointed at the actual sexism.

[@zorro......]

​@@LalaMyersThere wasn't another woman, "Emily" was a hypothetical and not a real person...so how is it more valid that commenters attacked the real actual person speaking for her being a little mean in how she described some non-existent person?

[@zeybani]

@@zorro...... i don't think the commenter meant an actual singular person named Emily. i'm sure there were a lot of women that identified with that definition of "Emily", which is the point. and the "no thoughts in her head" sounded more like an insult than an indicator that the person couldn't ever exist, at least that's what a lot of us thought before she clarified it. obviously people viciously spewing hatred towards her is wrong, but people are allowed to express opinions on someone's comedy. it was just an unfunny joke (that like 90% of people couldn't even tell it was a joke, cuz there was actually zero context and could've very well been an actual person on a subway) and apparently a lot of other people thought so cuz it was so poorly received.

[@radiostatic]

I feel that me growing up as a Pick-Me Girl was the compounding result of being a late diagnosed autistic woman and having a strict Christian grandmother as a maternal figure. I was told over and over again how I would never get a husband “talking/looking/eating the way you do,” so I changed and as a result would resent other women. There is still a lot of unpacking to do but I’m trying every day to be a better feminist.🌻

[@cdawg9218]

I think it's fair to say that we weren't like the other girls, because we weren't and that's OK ❤️

[@idontevenhaveapla7224]

​@@cdawg9218 I do think it gets weird once you start assuming most girls are these "other girls" who have uncomplicated relationships with femininity cuz that's not true

[@theab3957]

Here's the thing though... you aren't actually all that different. As a woman with autism myself, I have come to realise that what really gets in my way is feeding into my vision of myself as being special. I used to isolate myself from people further by trying to lean into my differences. Most neurotypical women I have encountered are not as different from me as I used to think they were as a kid. You don't have to stand out to be of value. Trying to be different on purpose is not a good idea, and it makes people uncomfortable around you, because often you aren't being honest.

[@cdawg9218]

@@theab3957 i was never trying to be different, just fit in/make friends.

[@radiostatic]

@@theab3957 Yeah, I just didn’t know that growing up. I was always confused with how societal “rules” worked that I would get jealous of other women who somehow were allowed to break said rules but I wasn’t. So, I’d put myself in “Pick-Me” situations to get back at them.

[@jules3085]

Fascinating and enjoyable as it was so well-articulated. As a gen x woman who has reached the age of thankfully having few Fs left to give, I admit I did not fully comprehend much of it. I don’t think I can, but feeling blessed to have traversed my teens, twenties and thirties without social media. Women are amazing, uplift your fellow women, period. For all women younger than I, may the force be with you ;) I predict one day you will come to a place where you don’t emotionally suffer the labels others put on you, and you don’t apply them to others.

[@tvmayer]

I’m 5’2” and the only thing significant about that is how good I am at hide and seek *psssst.. I’m in the dryer* 🤫

[@jazzenriquez9827]

That's how you shrunk in the first place 🧐

[@tvmayer]

@@jazzenriquez9827 ha!! 💜💜💜

[@rachelnotluf4585]

I'm also 5'2", making me an inch taller than my mother, and like 4 or 5 inches taller than HER mother, so I've internalized an image of myself as this hulking giant, towering over other women. It's always such a shock when someone comments on how "short" I am. Tall, short, average... it's all so subjective!

[@ruthspanos2532]

As someone of a similar height, it does make it harder to see in crowds or even in some theaters.

[@alexwyatt2911]

Oh, good! Are my towels done drying yet?

[@marbear]

It’s so frustrating to me how criticizing misogynistic behavior in women always devolves into criticizing women. I feel like we should be able to criticize “not like other girls” or “pick me” behavior (bending over backwards to please men, putting down other women, etc) without name calling. Whenever these words/phrases blow up on the internet (not like other girls, pick mes, Karens) people just end up dogpiling random women who rub them the wrong way instead of doing the more difficult thing, which is reflecting on internalized misogyny.

[@dudewhatthewhat8983]

8:45 Does false accusations of SA happen? Yes, they do. But my guy, if you’re in a friend group where all your friends have been “falsely” accused OVER 11 TIMES EACH…I’m sorry, but we have the “they actually did it, but no one believed the victims” option, and the “everyone of these women are all lying and doing so because of…reasons.” And if we’re talking over 11 different women for each friend…I’m sorry, but the former seems much more believable than the latter.

[@feltfrog]

EXACTLY thank you. she is most likely making it all up though.

[@dudewhatthewhat8983]

@@feltfrog oh definitely. Like either that, or she is actually delusional.

[@davidtaylor142]

Yeah at one point it stops being a coincidence

[@Alundolant]

Yeah, that would actually be terrifying if it were real.

[@Meatdude]

No it doesn’t it’s just males being fucking retarded as usual

[@na3rial]

I never understood the pick me label and you’ve made it clear why. I couldn’t tell how OTHER people could tell they liked or hated something for the favor of men vs for themselves, outside of the really obvious girls fawning over boys and changing their personalities depending on who they were talking to.

[@AliciaMajo]

Oh boy, I got absolutely told I was a pick-me when I was in junior high, for a few insane reasons: - I cooked for my friends - I liked video games - I also wanted to kiss girls Here's the thing it was a private catholic school with traditional values, so yeah it got me a lot of attention from boys, and a lot of girls were not a big fan of that. But if you looked at it a bit closer it was a bit more like this: - My dad taught me how to cook, and I've always enjoyed cooking for people, no matter the gender. - My dad and brother had a lot of games, and I enjoy adventure and story based games a lot! - I'm pansexual, if someone's good looking and fun, and we're both into it, we can kiss. So yeah, it was not fun being told I was really just trying to get male attention when I was generally just figuring out who I was, and this is just kinda scary, the idea that girls and young women are tearing each other down even more freely than they used to because "pick-me girl" has lost its meaning. I hope we can protect them from feeling ostracized and hated by other girls. (Edit: This actually gave me some internalized misogyny when I was younger, and I got a bit of a "not like the other girls" complex from it. Which is in part why I think this kind of behavior is destructive, it's a breeding ground for misogyny on all parts.)

[@jrojala]

It’s so sad that women feel the need to justify why they like things; as though they aren’t valid without some backstory that justifies their interest in anything

[@plant_girl0]

So sorry you been through that, You deserve better. About the teenager phase, the thing is all teenagers regardless gender want to stand out from other people, I don't know why teenager girls are punished for it . Do not get me wrong, I know sometimes there is misogynistic root in it, ex " girls are dramatic, I prefer making friends with boys" and it should be taught in nice progressive way, but I literally seen adults bully teens girls for that, how would that change anyone for better?

[@AliciaMajo]

@@jrojala Well women tend to be judged quite harshly on what they enjoy, it's sad and unwarranted but just generally what we experience.

[@AliciaMajo]

@@plant_girl0 Completely agree, teenagers are figuring out who they are and how they're special as a person, and that's perfectly normal! But adults don't really know how to handle it, because their teenagers identity crisis have a lot to do with the culture at the time. I went through an emo/scene phase, and my mom who grew up in a very conservative household had no idea on how to handle me dyeing my hair and wanting piercings, and clothes with holes in them. My dad handled it pretty well, I think most parents should handle it like him: He took me to get my septum pierced so he could make sure I went to a good piercer and had all the right things to clean it. He got me a henna kit so I could practice tattooing myself temporarily and see if I really liked it. Generally as long as I was safe and not hurting anyone or being completely irresponsible, he'd rather I be open and honest and I could do whatever I wanted within reason.

[@plant_girl0]

@@AliciaMajo aww your dad is awesome! The henna tattoo idea is adorable!

[@Elizabeth-bz7jr]

i think the subway girl joke landed for me when she talked about men making her into a muse, i interpreted the joke as being about how men don’t want an equal partner or someone they think could outshine them. they actually want someone they perceive as a blank slate to project their ideals onto

[@zoomzoom4231]

Strong woman with power can be a muse too.

[@shinyhitomi3916]

Honestly hot take, but I've always thought people came down way too hard on "not like other girls". Like when it's used by teenage girls. It has bad implications, but at its core, I realized it's saying "I feel isolated from my peers". Which is something I could relate to as a very nerdy autistic ex-girl. I would have been fine being friends with my female peers in middle school, they just made fun of me for having guyish hobbies like gaming. So that the crackdown on not like other girls eventually spiraled into that exact same bullying for having not girly enough hobbies...doesn't surprise me. Anyways, I think we should have more compassion for teen girls. Challenge the idea that "like other girls" is bad, but also maybe ask her what she means by that, and if she's having a hard time with her peers.

[@nijuuroku]

I’ve also had the “not like the other girls” phase in middle school for the same reason of me being autistic. I don’t know that I been bullied for not being “feminine enough,”but I did still villainize femininity in my head. I’ve even called the other girls at my school “thots” for wearing short shorts. Didn’t help that most of the people in my grade were mean or had a vibe of being mean.

[@AmPlant]

Growing up, I genuinely believed that "not like other girls" was just...a declarative statement. I wasn't pretty like them. I didn't have friends like them. I wasn't flexible enough to do gymnastics like they did. I just objectively, in many ways, was not like the other girls, and I desperately wanted to be. I hear you

[@Toribell1928]

Same, neurodivergent here. I also think people don’t get why the “I’m not like other girls” trend even started. It started BECAUSE women and girls were being bullied for having these interests. Was it the best way to go about it? No. But I think it made a lot of us feel seen. In seeing other girls relate to “not being like other girls” ironically, we found girls that we WERE like.

[@Aaditri44]

Another neurodivergent and I also had the me vs the other girls thing, my mistake was saying it's others fault for not being inclusive of me, when it was actually how school is structured & because nobody ever thought I could be autistic, complete lack of care and abandonment by teachers, I had to learn social behaviors and fit in, sometimes faking or forcing myself to change in order to survive highschool, but the massive amount of grown adults making fun of middle school type memes is ridiculous like at the end let kids be kids they will grow up and realize how silly it was, sadly things on the internet are forever so thank god I never published anything

[@Aaditri44]

Also by "other girls" many times we actually meant just the popular ones or who used to pick on you, in many many cases bullying applies on same sex cases because it's less scary (usually) so, in a whole class, it was prob all girls kinda giggling behind your back, the approach was wrong but how kids used or still feel isn't wrong at all

[@chickadee1607]

I'm really glad you addressed the short thing, because it's baffling to me. I'm 5'1" and my friend's 11-year-old daughter is my height. She roasts me about constantly and it's hilarious, but I've become self-conscious about telling those stories to other people in case it sounds like the exaggerated "omg I'm so small and cute 🥺" that gets labeled "pick-me behavior"

[@nervousbreakdown711]

The trend for really weird for me when you had adults (especially adult men) mocking tween and teen girls. Like, get a grip

[@fuck_youtube_handles]

im just tired of the internet in general mocking tween/teen girls. why are we surprised that 10 year olds are raiding sephora for the latest anti-aging cream? they weren't allowed to be kids because everything they do is "cringe"

[@RuanMei_SocietyGenius]

They can't rid of not getting that girls and their bodies because thank you for goodness new generations are having more standards for men and not only in emotional and rich way but in physique too, and those men obviously are losing the control and blaming them

[@jenm1]

Men will tear down teenage interests then try to get in bed with us and worship us.

[@sharpasacueball]

Adult men aren't the ones putting down women for seeking male validation. It's always other women

[@RuanMei_SocietyGenius]

@@sharpasacueball oh look who come? The man to tries to get away the part of the culprit of others of his gender saying only women takes down other women, next try. Who were the ones that mocked Twilight, make fun of JB, One Direction and other stuff that past teenager girls and tween liked because all of that was enjoyed just only for that groups? Hell yeah, chauvinistic and misogynistic men like you always to get away from the culprit saying things like you did it, I obviously recognise the fact that other girls do the same thing I pointed but a lot of men are doing these since boybands started

[@ilovebooksandmycats669]

saw a tiktok today saying women in abusive relationships are pick mes because their abusive bf might murder their friends, so they’re putting other women in danger by not leaving him???

[@HistoryLoverBoy]

HUH?!

[@CB-dy1he]

The layers of misogyny in that is CRAZY

[@Yoimiya_Lover29]

Women in abusive relationships need help, not judgement, ffs.

[@antonsummers_]

Yeah but unfortunately there are some who do put their friends in danger. Obviously it's not their fault that they’re in an abusive relationship but i saw a tiktok like that where the friend would tell her abusive boyfriend all the things her friend was saying when trying to get her to leave him and he got mad at her friend and threatened to assault her. She took his side and stayed with him and didn't care that she put someone who was trying to help her in danger.

[@DrawciaGleam02]

WHAT?!?!

[@laachm]

my best friend called me pick me for not wanting to tan (it’s like a fcking ritual where i’m from) and for calling out the ridiculous “need” for tanning in the summer otherwise you’re not attractive. arguably i’m in more of an alternative scene while’s she’s with the normies which is obviously totally fine, who cares, we’re all people with our own interests, but when i was like “when did i ever put women down? y’all can tan all u want, just don’t call me ugly for not wanting to do it myself” she said that’s not what a pick me is and that i’m trying to be different. suddenly you HAVE to be like other girls, otherwise you’re trying too hard at being cool and that’s cringe. it really has come full circle, and i honestly don’t know how to talk abt it to her cuz i will just be labeled as a pick me for idk bringing up the subject??

[@MoonBratStudio]

That sucks. Sometimes when I don't know how to bring things up like that, I go about asking the other person questions about how they view it; I think it helps (obviously done in a nice way, but I'm sure you will since she's your friend) to get into a discussion about opposing views without causing anyone to feel attacked (hopefully). So, if it were me, I might ask something (in a friendly tone, of course) like: what scenario might exist where someone doesn't want to do whatever thing (in this case tan) and NOT be a pick-me. Or, since you're friends, you could just ask if she would really classify you as a pick-me; does she think that's how you are (probably not or she probably wouldn't be friends with you, since she seems to have some disdain for the pick-mes), and if not, then can't she trust that you just truly don't want to tan or do whatever else? I don't know. That would just be my approach. :S Good luck with your friend. I'm sure she cares about your feelings, so you can always just straight up say, "I don't want to sound bad for bringing this up, but it kind of bothered me" blah blah. Okay, sorry for typing so much.

[@Surruh]

Blend in and be part of the group? Basic. Stand out and be an individual? Pick-Me. Sorry, Sweaty, thems the breaks 💅

[@msbroomstick1]

Pick me Melanoma, choose me

[@quakeroats957]

your friend ironically is acting more like a pick me by criticising you for not wanting a tan lol

[@ip1136]

You deserve better friends...