Story Time | Living With Bipolar II

[@alwaysevoke]

THANKS FOR ALL THE LOVE AND COMMENTS! The support means the world. Check out my new video 'Top 3 Tips for Bipolar People': kzbin.info/www/bejne/mJu3i3WZeNyggpY

[@knighttaylor4272]

Thanks for the video I'm currently trying to find my symptoms relation and your video helped me a ton!

[@mollynicholson0027]

You're so welcome! I look forward to checking your new one out.

[@ToastedGhost]

Yes the impact on my creativity re drugs would be my greatest fear… I do attend 2 peer to peer groups now… a great and heartfelt review

[@simonvidlund4077]

Are you available for questions in private messages?

[@cici1474]

one of my worst manic episodes was when i kept buying food. with a delivery app i got a bucket of chicken, took like 3 bites, then i ordered another delivery from a burger place, took a tiny bite, then ordered from another place… until i ordered from maybe 9-10 different restaurants? i felt “excited” to try different food. i know bipolar II is different for everyone so i’m sharing my experience: for me, mania is so much worse than the depression. i can’t really explain the feeling, it’s like being on drugs but i’ve never used drugs lol.

[@tryhappiness2725]

You prolly have BPD 2 because the mania is stronger than the depressive episode.

[@cici1474]

@@tryhappiness2725 i got formally diagnosed with bipolar 2 tho

[@tryhappiness2725]

@@cici1474 I meant BPD 1 my bad.

[@cici1474]

@@tryhappiness2725 ohh you mean bipolar ? bpd stands for borderline personality disorder hahaha so i got confused. but yes i see why it sounds like i have bipolar 1

[@naomi9449]

Dude! It’s like I drank a six pack of bang and three bottles of cold brew. It’s awful. But the come down is traasssshhhhhhhh

[@UntitledKirk]

Can I just say how refreshing it is to listen to someone on KZbin who actually has and experiences the symptoms of bipolar 2, and not just listening to one of the hundreds of psychologist-fronted videos of them simply explaining what it is and what it's like? It's so annoying. All I want is to listen to people who experience what I experience. Thank you so much for this video. I wish you the best.

[@alwaysevoke]

I remember experiencing something similar when I was searching for info. It does seem like there's a ton of videos that will essentially just read the DSM 5 to you and then right at the end say "medications, therapy, diet, and exercise can help people with Bipolar" or something like that. I'm glad that my experience resonated with you on some level, and thanks for your comment. It helps me too to get the notifications here from people who are experiencing what I do. It helps not to feel alone in this. Stay strong! Thanks again for watching!

[@TattedChristian]

Amen 💕🙏🕊🙌🙌🙌

[@alicebarion3158]

Meds saved my life. I have bipolar 2 and my mind is literally destroyed when I forget my lamotrigine. I get anger bursts that make my brain feel like it's on fire and physically hurting, the despair is unmanageable. I'm still adjusting to my dosage but I'm for sure so grateful, as my life before the meds was falling apart, day by day, loosing everything I had conquered before I got ill :( my friends, my family's love, my career, my studies, my mind, my dreams, my creativity. I felt like I had lost it all

[@JohnGeorge-pw2xo]

I was severely traumatized years ago as a teenage, got diagnosed with bipolar. Spent my whole life fighting bipolar. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my mom recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 6 years totally clean. Much respect to mother nature the great magic shrooms.

[@MorrisBasar-jm9lc]

I'm so very happy for you, Psilocybin is absolutely amazing, the way it shows you things, the way it teaches you things. I can not believe our world and our people shows less interest about it's helpfulness to humanity. It's love. The mushrooms shows people who need it love, people without it. It heals people by showing the truth, it would be so beneficial for so many people, especially politicians and the rich who have lost their way and every other persons out there

[@CathieGomez-mp8sk]

YES very sure of Dr.alishrooms. I have the same experience with anxiety, BPD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

[@AnnaRoth-pb8xv]

How do I reach out to him? Is he on insta

[@CarolynGaylor]

Yes he's Dr.alishrooms. My daughter did straight shrooms in few days. Made her whole! after words, no more addictions, pains, ptsd and depression. It helped us.

[@DebanckKim-rd6to]

So many people are saying this... i wish there were readily available in my place. My partner is currently in an in-patient rehab for a perc/caine addiction. He still smokes cigarettes and now has taken up hookah vaping in there. He's looking for a proper reset treatment. I believe shrooms will help him this is something I will definitely go into. I'm curious as I'd like to ensure he can be helped and I would like him to not do much shrooms either...

[@milanabekova1731]

THANK YOU for that video. I finally feel understood.

[@J3ssthem3ss]

You describe this so well, and I also like how you mentioned that if you didn’t go through the process you did to get properly diagnosed, you probably wouldn’t have believed it from just your psychiatrist. It’s hard for me accept this diagnosed and I guess I always self doubt having it even though I have been diagnosed.

[@jennywrenn469]

I understand, it was a hard diagnosis for me to accept. But bipolar 2 is not a defect but a way your brain works & that's ok. I've had the diagnosis for several years & it makes more sense as you take time to digest it with the help of good professionals. Good luck & takr care :)

[@catana7]

Bro it's actually insane. As you describe the whole cycle of - I'm gonna try a new hobby and do it like a maniac, meditation, boxing, cold shower, waking up everyday at the same time - I'm like "yeah, that's me". I'm getting extremely motivated and start with all those good things but afterwards I'm falling into a hole, and I'm just wondering whats happening because I was just THAT guy who's extremely productive, social, full of energy bla bla bla. But not all the time. But why? Am I just a looser seeking for an excuse? I got diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and I'm quite happy to see, that there are truly other people dealing with that stuff. Before that, no one really understood what I experienced over and over and over - this cycle of up and downs. But know I'm aware and try to realize the phase I'm in.

[@fluffywafflecat26]

My worst manic episode was that I had felt so bad about myself the week before that everything felt like it was magically fixed. In order for myself not to be in that depression I needed to buy things so I would fall back into that depression. Within 4 days I spent $20k on stuff that was useless and non refundable. My brain literally said “if I buy this I’ll continue to stay happy.” And that friends is how I learned I have bipolar. 😅

[@alwaysevoke]

Oh my god I fully get this. It's the "I figured out the solution to my bad experiences!" aspect of hypomania that can cause some of the biggest problems for me. I have to actively remind myself not to overcommit to projects, hobbies, or expenses. So sorry that that happened and I hope things are smoothing out for you now!

[@FeliciaLeon]

So happy to see more people making videos about having BPII. My video goes over all the hobbies I tried picking up while hypomanic too haha. So cool seeing it interpreted as music!

[@lovelyspringweather]

I am watching after having strong suspicions about a male family regarding bipolar. So thank you for sharing your journey - it gives so much insight on mental health and your personal experience.

[@monicarod8871]

Thank you very much! I'm bipolar 2 as well and it was such struggle to come to the realization I was very sick. Keep your videos coming! God bless you

[@ameliahex4917]

Thanks for sharing , I havnt been able to find many people talking about type 2

[@naomiweaver1855]

I had a breakdown: suicidal, frozen, falling feeling, scared to death. Fortunately, I was seeing a therapist and she referred me to a psychiatrist. That’s another way to find a psychiatrist: referral. He was brilliant and it still took three years to get my meds right. I have schizo-affective disorder or bipolar II with some psychotic features. There isn’t a lot known about schizo-affective disorder, so my diagnosis reflects the potential for one or the other. I also have PTSD. My bipolar is also ultra rapid cycling. So, I could be so happy one moment and at the lowest depths of sadness and crying the next - within a minute. It was so hard to get the meds right. But I can tell you that there was no way I wasn’t going to get them right. I went through a bunch, had lots of side effects that pointed me towards the next thing to try. You have to keep trying. Don’t be scared. There are so many medications, something or some combination of things will work. For me, it was that or death. Another thing, I switched therapists to one who specialized in bipolar and depression. One of the giveaways that I had bipolar was that it was in my family history. I later found out I had an ancestor who was a patient at an “asylum” from 1883 until she died in 1911. This is a long comment - but I want you all to know to not be afraid of meds if something gives you side effects or think that you’ll have side effects based on something you read. Since my meds have been right - for the last 19 years, no changes - I’ve lived a pretty balanced, non-psychotic life. Persevere. Don’t give up.

[@alwaysevoke]

Thank you for sharing your experience! My journey to finding my medication was very simple but not everybody's is. It's good to remind folks that there is hope even when things are hard and the process is long.

[@lorianne4608]

Wow

[@juliannabraley1321]

thank you 🙏 Currently deep cleaning my entire house at midnight whilst trying to watch all the self help videos and accomplishing everything on my to do list after getting up at 5am this morning and not stopping. This just started today after being in a deep depression where I’ve had suicidal thoughts for days on end. Anyone else relate? Lol. anyways, i really resonated with your experience and have had a lot of the same thoughts/worries about medication. It was really helpful to hear your story and how you were able to come around to medication and how it’s helped. For me, I was diagnosed as a teenager as bipolar 2 and for a long time (still up to this day) it’s hard for me to accept that diagnosis at times because there’s so much stigma and I don’t like labels. But hearing you share your story and how seeking help has bettered your life is really inspiring. Your video makes me feel super heard and validated.

[@calebblackwell4626]

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 today and after months of research and therapy I feel awesome having a title for how I’ve felt. Thanks for this video!

[@jessatlife]

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type II Disorder last August, and as you mentioned, I still find it hard to believe. It's not that I don't identify with the Bipolar II experience; I do, to some degree. But I only spent a few minutes with the doctor before they diagnosed me, and was immediately put on medication. It felt too easy. I also don't feel the symptoms are getting better, either, so I'm seeking more thorough testing. However, it seems I'll have to inevitably spend thousands out of pocket to get there. Thanks for sharing your story.

[@jeje4042]

We appreciate you too very much for helping sufferers and relatives of sufferers to understand the daily impact of bi polar

[@adifferentblue55]

You’re story of trying to self medicate with sleep, exercise and vitamins speaks to me. When I was diagnosed, I got really depressed because I had been doing these things since I was a teenager. Nothing helped. Back then there was no internet. But there were articles in magazines. These articles only focused on bipolar I. I don’t know if bp II was even a diagnosis back then. I thought that if I didn’t have all the symptoms, then I wasn’t sick. In my 30’s, After I had my third child, I had postpartum psychosis. I saw my obgyn, and that was the start of a years long battle. My moods would fluctuate, and I was one of those mothers who thought that the world was not so great of a place where my kids were safe.(read between the lines).I went to my gp, and he sent me to a psychiatrist. Which led to my first hospitalization for sever depression. I was sick for a year after that, and slept a lot. It deconditioned the muscles in my neck and back. I have been to physical therapy twice for this. I’ve been dealing with this for over30 yrs. I finally found a pharmaceutical therapy that works. I miss the creativity of hypo mania, but I guess you can’t have one without the other. Recently I was diagnosed with heart failure. It MIGHT be from one of the psych meds. They took me off of it . I have lost 17 lbs in two months. I haven’t changed my diet or exercise. So it’s a catch 22. I am 55 yrs old now. I told my dr that the older I get the harder it is to deal with the insomnia and mood swings. He said that was normal and is what usually happens. We started talking about being on disability. Credit card debt? That’s a yes.

[@alwaysevoke]

It sucks because so many of these remedies are being sold by the people suggesting them. A lot of people are less interested in helping folks with mental illness than they are with improving their own engagement and lining their own pockets. Real treatment is individualized and requires a balance of a lot of things, in my experience! I hope you're feeling and doing well today, and thanks for your comment.

[@kalidelabe809]

I deal with bipolar2 .It isn't easy ,my worest problem is hypersexuality. I am really worried about the risks that I took during high mood. Now I'm in depression mood for two weeks and waiting to do test after couple of weeks. I hope, I will be okay.

[@mpoole75mp]

I got diagnosed with Bipolar type 2 ten months ago. Thank you so much for posting this as it is probably one of the most relatable and real videos i've watched so far on the topic.

[@alwaysevoke]

I'm so glad it was helpful! I've been really surprised and delighted by how much folks have responded to this video. Thanks for watching and supporting the channel!

[@nicolebalm6116]

thank you so much!!!!!!!!! So important to share our stories

[@mr.sushi2221]

I live in Colorado as well and am also having problems getting a diagnosis. I have been thinking something is wrong for a while but when I think about my reckless spending it worries me. I have wasted over 30,000$ this year on hobbies and crap. Something isn’t right...

[@NateLovesPasta]

I have my psychiatrist appointment tomorrow where ill be bringing up bipolar 2. Im in the same boat knowing all the diagnostic information on every disorder so i have some doubts. But i think this video finally solidified that i need to stop doubting myself. Wish me luck! Thank you for this amazing vid

[@alwaysevoke]

Good luck with your appointment today! Hope it goes smoothly and you’re able to self advocate and get some good info and support!

[@Laurie.veloz86]

Highly helpful with your overview. Thank you so much for sharing.

[@alwaysevoke]

Thanks for watching!

[@Laurie.veloz86]

Just got diagnosed and this helped me so much. Thank you.

[@alwaysevoke]

Glad it helped! It’s definitely a learning experience, but you’ll be OK. It only gets easier from here :)

[@dollykaulitz44]

Thank you for posting about this, just saw a psychiatrist for the first time yesterday and she thinks I have Bipolar II and I hadn’t really known about it so thank you for posting about this bc I’m nervous but I relate a lot to you

[@alwaysevoke]

It's not so scary! If the diagnosis fits, it mostly just informs the strategies you use in your day-to-day life. It's easy to get intimidated by how "medical" it all feels, but at the end of the day, *you are you* and the diagnosis is just a tool to help understand and support the unique problems you experience!

[@rachelzuniga5300]

I love the burst of ideas !! Let’s give ourselves some credit!! I understand everything you are saying, I have been through this for over 40 yrs. Good job buddy. Stay on top of it. Get therapy, keep meds low low low, move your body to prevent depression.

[@alariemusic]

I’m a musician as well. And same. 3 weeks ago I was officially diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and I have the same symptoms. thank you so much for sharing your story

[@Lisa-dh5nw]

Excellent experience about bipolar. I have bipolar 1 and 100% agree about the therapy. I will always need to be on meds to keep me stable but therapy has been able to help me heal from having an undiagnosed and untreated mental illness for 10+ years. I think that you don’t need to be ill or stressed out to benefit from therapy because it teaches such basic skills that most of us do not get taught! It teaches self awareness (mindfulness) which is fundamental to having good relationships with others etc. Thanks for sharing your experience!

[@thomasrossdeutscher1075]

I had my first hypomanic and greatest depression within the last year. I started taking some meds. Im hoping the meds work well and keep me level. The mania was fun and motivating but i did spend a lot of money trying to fix my house. The depression was so deep it felt like it would never end. Im coming out of it now. Hopefully i can be more productive without the mania soon

[@markwalton3367]

Thank you for your honesty and being so open.

[@liztaylor85139]

I'm so glad I found you. I've been diagnosed for years w/B-2 but have been in denial. I rapid cycle about every 3 to 5 months always ending up in the hospital for a week. Then I have depression for 2 to 3 weeks and the shite starts all over again. I research study everything!!! But for some weird reason??? I've not delved into my illness? Perhaps denail? But I can not go on like this. So I'm getting fcking serious about taking control of my illness. Working with therapist, Psychiatrist and the clinic. All tied together. I've done some crazy shite with hypo or full mania! I get several projects started at one time... Buy buy buy and never finish most of them. I've had many business ideas and started some. Sleep for me is the most important. When I call crying to my old doctor that I'm not sleeping and I'm scared? They wont give me anything but Trazodone. It cause nightmares and doesnt work. I'm going to go now and watch your other videos. Please keep posting... We need your voice. It helps tremendously!

[@bobbihansel]

The way you describe the diagnosis bias hit hard. I’m in the midst of a diagnosis and I just don’t know if I’m “unhelping” myself by doing the research and filling my head with symptoms.

[@alwaysevoke]

I will say that this gets easier over time! A lot of the symptoms that I kinda over-identified with lightened up, either because the medication started helping or because I stopped being so nervous about the diagnosis, or some combination of the two. It's been a few years now and I definitely feel like I have a really neutral/healthy relationship to the unique experience of being Bipolar. It's the sort of thing that I don't have to think about too much on the day to day, and when it does come up I'm able to get a handle on it.

[@bobbihansel]

Thanks@@alwaysevoke, I do appreciate the words of wisdom from experience. Such complex set of emotions with a lot of self doubt and denial. Fun! It's reassuring to know you've done so well. On the plus side, I now have your discography to enjoy as well. Thanks again.

[@sidsorandom4816]

Omg . The intensity and intention is what makes it an entire illness! I hate when people throw it off as “we’re all like that “ like no Laura you don’t wake up at 3am and try to purchase a home because you need to “plan for the future” and then for the next 3-5 days actually try to execute it , when you have no credit , no money , and you’re still in a year lease with an apartment :))) ^ not exaggerating because that’s me when I’m hypomanic lol lol actually tried doing that , I’m 21 Thanks for the video

[@liztaylor85139]

I've been diagnosed for years w/B 2. Up until now I've basically denied it. The reason I'm writing to your response is that I finally am sick of it. Hospitalized at least ever 3 to 5 months when I crash off the mania side. But today I told my dearest friend and neighbor that I'm sick of it and serious about getting help. He tells me he thinks he's Bipolar (He's fuckin NOT) and he told me that everyone is a little Bipolar. It mad me angry! He has NO idea what it is like! He's not nor the other people in the hospital several times after a crash! urghhhhh! It meant so much to read "We're all like that" above. Thank you for that one comment. It really made me feel better that I'm not the only one out here that has to face that shit. Thank you.

[@sachalevesque6740]

This!

[@carolinerock835]

This was so so helpful. I can’t believe someone else is going through this too. I’m so happy I found this video.

[@jaredcantlon252]

Dude, amen about the lack of support for mental care.

[@alwaysevoke]

It's so sad. It bums me out to see how many other people are still experiencing this lack of useful infrastructure

[@ameliahanalei]

everything w this video and the denial and the wondering resonates so much

[@ms.smccreath5176]

Jeez, crazy how far apart we are but how similar our stories. Well I'm not a cool producer ;) thanks for sharing your journey. it's an inspiration to us all

[@DGarrettDG]

this is an extremely good video. I'm autistic and adhd and I've been "accused" of being bipolar or schizophrenic despite those not matching my experiences at all. appreciate the clarification from a first-hand perspective. people love to lazily describe anyone different as mentally ill which is insulting to everybody involved lmao at the emphasis on "it's normal to experience anxiety, it's 2019"

[@Gandalf_the_quantum_G]

Hey Dilan, I've been diagnosed with ADD and ASD as well. I ask myself, if I'm suffering from bipolar, cause I sometimes get some crazy ideas and sometimes feel really good for days, but then again low for two weeks. Do you experience that as well?

[@DGarrettDG]

@@Gandalf_the_quantum_G No, those kinds of ups and downs are my basic understanding of bipolar. Probably worth looking into

[@lambd01d]

@@Gandalf_the_quantum_G That sounds very much like bipolar. I would get it checked out.

[@mollynicholson0027]

And I appreciate you so much! Thank you for making this video. I'm a therapist and I'm finding that here in MN there aren't great resources for Bipolar disorder - at least in terms of group support or group therapy.

[@darbirhian]

Hello from a fellow bipolar. I'm type 1 and one of my biggest pet peeves is when people think BPD is bipolar!!! Anyways, you look young, and hopefully you only ever experience hypomania, and you don't fall into psychosis (depression can turn into psychosis). That psychotic episode occurred only once so far and literally hospitalized me. I self-diagnosed in college and received a formal diagnosis within a year or two. I've been living with this for 20 years now. We are a different breed. Take care.

[@alwaysevoke]

So far so good! I've definitely had some rough patches but mostly before this video came out. Getting on meds has been a godsend, and in general I'm in a much better place in my life now, which makes all the difference in the world. Thanks for sharing your experience and supporting me and the channel!

[@rosewelsh4634]

I define my hypomania like this: OMG! I can to ALLLL the things! I've recently cleared a lot of my Complex PTSD with EMDR therapy so I've been really experiencing my BP2. I had 3 weeks this spring in full "I can to ALLL the things" and committed to doing a workshop on Polyvagal exercises for a therapist. I was fine with it, knew what I was going to do.... sat down to write the outline and crashed. I struggled with depression for a few weeks then had another "YAY! I can to ALLLL the things!" period where I was so happy, positive and talkative. I think of those hypomania times, even the little ones that only lasted a day or three when I was younger and struggling with CPTSD, as moments where I felt like a real person, that I could be an adult, actually make something of my life. I don't feel crazy during those times, though, like when I'm depressed I do need to watch the spending. "Thunderclap* Then I have rapid cycling symptoms too.... yup. The last few days, coming off of a depressive cycle, I wake up OK, but as the day turns into early afternoon I get super agitated. My heart races and I have a hard time focusing. I've found that OTC Lithium Orotate sublingual and maybe some Taurine actually attack it and slow it way down. Just learned that yesterday. I felt the agitation break like a fever. I took it early today before an episode, felt it try to happen, and then I'm OK. It's similar to when I found out that taking Folic Acid and B12 sublingual during a depressive episode and it can pull me up out completely most of the time, sometimes it still doesn't work and I can't figure out why. Still working on it. So off to watch the rest of your video. So much of the media coverage even in Bipolar Magazine, covers mostly BP1... it's really nice to hear from BP2 peoples. :D Oh and along with keeping a proper sleep cycle temperature management is key. I found I was keeping my house too hot and it threw me into a depressive state until I lowered the temperature. Go figure. Wish that could have kept it from returning a few days later. .... onward.

[@lambd01d]

I found taurine is quite useful for hypomania. Magnesium has really helped my depression and made my mood a lot more stable.

[@camilleshrager3203]

same here bud musician as well the tunes help great to hear another experience persepective the more we share the more we know the more we can get through it together thanks for sharing

[@macabrepod]

I was recently diagnosed too. Maybe 3 months ago. It put my life into perspective. Like oh, here I am. This makes sense now.

[@kyannazohar1688]

Hi, my name is Kyanna. I stumbled upon your video and I really like what you had to say. I'm also in Colorado and have been struggling with "depression" from a very young age. I was officially diagnosed with depression when i was about 11 or 12.. Around the same time i was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. My life has been absolute chaos for the past couple of years, id say. Just within the last few months, I've really been trying to pay attention to My mental health and have come to suspect that I have bipolar 2. Others have brought it to my attention recently as well. Ive been watching multiple videos on bipolar disorder and sharing them with the people who know me best and have known me for years, if not my whole life. We all look back and can see where being hypomanic would have come into play throughout my life. Anyway, thank you for all of the information, especially about the app! We know that healthcare in Colorado can fall short sometimes, so i feel that we, as patients, should have as much understanding about ourselves and the options around us, to be able to help ourselves. I will definitely be looking into that app! Thanks again, and i hope all is well.

[@jce4314]

I suspected I had adhd because I had trouble focusing, completing tasks, organizing, etc… I sought help when my work was being affected. Took a test with my psychiatrist and I aced the test as in… I 100% do not have adhd. I previously saw a different therapist (who did not specialize in adhd) that said she suspects I have major depression and anxiety. It’s only been a few months of being on meds and learning my non adhd diagnosis. I am going to mention to my therapist that I may be bipolar 2 because I experience severe depression and I have hypomania. Just enough mania to clean, organize, make plans with friends, etc. only to fall into deep depression again where I can’t even wash 1 single dish. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions.

[@user-lt5xi8iz3g]

It’s my opinion, I think you should just go see a psychiatrist and tell him/her what you go through, what you feel and answer his questions as truthfully as you can. Don’t have a preformed diagnosis in your head because when you tell your experience you will tend to emphasize what you think is important and diminish other things that you might have overlooked but could’ve given a lot of insight. This can lead to a misdiagnosis.

[@alicehardin4764]

Thank you for sharing your experience.

[@xiaco8309]

“Buy a new guitar” Spent a grand on a strat during my last episode and when I came out of it, I was unable to return it. Then I was more depressed. I feel you man. Shit’s rough. I’ve been told I have ADD, Borderline and then Bipolar 2. Can’t find any medication that works. Any stuff makes me not creative at all. Subscribed bro cuz I just found out and looking for all the resources possible.

[@xiaco8309]

“Seek out professional help if you’re able to”. I do, Ableton. Play on words. I’m able to Ableton. When I’m hypo, I work on music all hours of the day and make a song a day. Then depression hits and I hate humanity and life is pointless.

[@alwaysevoke]

YEESSS ABLETONEER THERAPY

[@MysticQT]

How you were sceptical, worried about creativity diminishing, and pre-researching well before a psych interview is all me as well 😂. Every question he asked.. I knew what he wanted to know and why. Kind of regret researching before hand.

omg your story sounds just like mine! I would always think I fixed my depression with the most recent supplement I'd been taking (algae oil for example) ... I remember telling my Mum that it had fixed me

[@ThePriAlvim]

Super cool your video, loved the part that you mention about the doubt of taking meds and loosing your creativity, but the fact that actually helped you !!

[@mariaferrante6032]

Thanks for sharing your experience.❤

[@alwaysevoke]

My pleasure 😊 Glad it connected with you

[@adammatthew6361]

Hey Alden! Really enjoyed the video! It is scary how similar our stories are!! I am also a musician living with Bipolar hoping to share my story. It’s really amazing to see others in the battle trying to raise awareness and help others. Props to you man! 🙏🏻

[@clairebear2975]

Good to hear your experience. I'm done with the people who think that by doing all those things you mentioned you had tried wil cure mental illness, i know as i've tried, and boy, have i tried! Only those who have never experienced such a thing would believe that to be true. For me, medication is the main help, the rest are add ons to help manage the bumps along the way. Hope this finds you well.

[@alwaysevoke]

Absolutely! I think people tend to assume their experiences are universal, even when people say (and show with research!) that they aren't. I wish people would make more of an effort to wrap their head around the idea that a mental illness is something that is BEYOND the scope of a typical human experience, and requires an approach beyond the typical approaches!

[@rodacoram]

I thought I was just really depressed, and my hypomania manifested by being proud of myself for getting myself out of it. So I never believed my diagnosis. I would say things like "if you actually spent time with me, you'd see I'm just depressed and need an opportunity to apply what I've learned through self-study." The problem is: a lot of what I learned , I learned in a hypomanic state, making these big connections between economics and computer science and believing "the world" was keeping up with me. I would then begin to doubt both my ability and my credibility. It took an episode of me actually entering into rage to open my eyes. That wasn't me. It was my frustration asking for help. I really thought "if I had the money to sit in front of investors/businesses and hear out their needs, the system I have in mind can solve their particular business problem, and I can then reduce the problem space and tech stack to address their technical debt and modernize their infrastructure. If only I wasn't being held back/kept secret!!" All while having minimal experience, and a whole bunch of hypomanic confidence, until it went away and I detoured into something else, then went back to learning more. That was just one of the most recent episodes. Looking back I can see how the lack of inner awareness in previous hypomanic episodes was slowly making the excitability in them higher and higher. I am now accepting my diagnosis and receiving treatment. Thanks for sharing.

[@Wssc333]

Man, i feel like you're telling my exact story.. im seeing a psychiatrists next week but already feel im bipolar 2

[@elizabethmaclachlan1515]

I'm newly diagnosed type 2 - So great to hear from another with similar/same issues. Cheers!

[@bobbihansel]

Shit man, this is exactly the information I needed to hear. In particular the creativity concern, it is the corner stone of my career…

[@Angelwings-qz5ki]

I had to get a 2nd opion and I went to Dr on demand and was diagnosed with bi polar type 2 from bi polar unspecified and I have PTSD your information is so on point and yes I'm on the same treatment plan thank you for your review I no longer feel like an outcast

[@MSinclaire]

Thank you, one of the best discussions on bipolar 2

[@alwaysevoke]

Thanks for watching and supporting the channel!

[@toddmusic]

Aside from the seizures, pretty much everything you’ve said and gone through is mirror image familiar. Thank you for sharing and I hope you are still managing your bipolar well.

[@rw1381]

So awesome man. I lived in Manitou springs for 1 year and 2 months. I searched the state for a psych out there. All I could get was a nurse practitioner..they refused the klonipin after 1 year out there. And put me on gabbapentin. Destroyed my life. I went braindead in 12 days off of klonipin 3mg a day for almost 20 years. They didn't ween me down. Just stopped. And now I'm on SSID for life. I do music as well, and I did Commercial sheet metal work 23 years. I worked up in Centennial. I'm 40 years old. Lost all memory and consciousness of reality for 4 month. I still remember drums/synths/guitar. But my trade blank. My dad had to fly from Tennessee to find me in grand view hospital. With no recollection of existence. Auditory/ Visual Hallucinations. I guess I parked at McDonald's on garden of the gods off I-25. Then ambulances and police got me Dec 1 2019. I've been on meds since 9. Final diagnosis *C-PTSD (with contextual stressors) *Bipolar 2 *ADHD *Severe Depression *Generalized Anxiety Disorder (with psychotic symptoms) They just would say go to Aspen Grove or hills? in the springs. They just do therapy, no medications. I now live far in a rural place because Colorado ruined my brain. But, I am ok. It's just sad because mental health is not taken seriously out there. Everything you described with hypomania is dead on. Thank you. I hope you are well. It feels good to see that I'm not alone on my outlook on Colorados mental health dept. Take care.

[@madizen6312]

Thank you!! I'm going to trust my gut and get more help!!

[@4505Nicole]

A waiting list that is only months long would be a blessing where I’m from! Waiting list here for ANY mental health help starts at THREE YEARS!!! This is why we have so many people who start self-medicating! They need HELP and they CAN’T GET IT!!!

[@bt9124]

Where is the location?

[@alwaysevoke]

Dear lord that's WAY TOO LONG

[@geoflevine]

This was very validating. Thank you for sharing. These kinds of "real" stories help me to know I am not alone with everything I am going through.

[@alwaysevoke]

It is sad how uncomfortable it is for folks to speak up about this. I'm glad there's at least some way for us to connect and share our experiences, and I'm glad mine was helpful to you. Thanks for supporting the channel :)

[@joy__division_is_cool6159]

I got diagnosed with BD 2 on Wednesday. I was diagnosed with adhd 13 years ago. I have both now. I’m convinced they clash together and make each other and make the symptoms for both worse

[@jokesonyou222]

Definitely

[@graceanfrederick4477]

I have both and it's extremely frustrating to put it lightly

[@MuzikFreak161]

I was on Lamictal for a few years for my Borderline Personality Disorder, but last summer I suddenly decided that I was no longer mentally ill and stopped taking my meds. After that my behavior changed really quickly, and I started doing things out of the norm and acting out in ways that made my family worried just hearing how I was even talking on the phone. I thought that maybe my BPD symptoms were just being dragged out and manifesting a little different. Until I had an appt with my psychiatrist who wrote in his notes that I was displaying Bipolar symptoms, and I was like “Wtf??? There’s no way. I was skeptical.” And still being in an episode I demanded a follow up appointment ASAP to elaborate just to get it out of the way that I’m not Bipolar….Turns out I also have Bipolar II. I was skeptical, but seeing other people’s videos talking about their experiences really makes me feel less crazy and more understanding of the symptoms I experience. Thanks for sharing your story ♥️

[@flynnlarson8694]

Best discussion I've heard on BP2.

[@alwaysevoke]

Thanks very much! Appreciate you supporting the channel and watching the vid!

[@stevenlupanko2983]

I can't thank you enough for uploading this video it's so difficult to explain to my doctor what's going on in my head in the end they diagnosed me with GAD amd reactive depressive illness and panic attacks (31 years after putting me on antidepressants. I was 16 when they put me on antidepressants I took them for 4 months it was ok then I didn't sleep more that 2 hours a night for about a month so had to come off of them then it was months of suicidal thoughts the only way I could cope with the thoughts was to wash them away with alcohol it took me out of the mindset but I would randomly do bizarre things when I was drunk I gambled nearly everynight at poker tables (not so bad when your good at it) I went through 40-50 jobs the same amount of women then I had a detatched retina in my eye and the doctors told me to give up drinking this is when things really blew up I totally lost my mind it was like the grim reaper was forcing me to kill myself 27months later the alcohol damage has gone but my mind remains the same the only difference now is that I am capable of explaining my thought process a bit better and it's the spit of what you are saying. The creative whirlwind in the mind where I think I can take on the world frankly at anything then I crash down back into the depression. My brain feels like a cruel chemistry experiment the oddest feelings of elation and creativity that I don't personally greatly enjoy as I recognise them as delusions which is not what you want really , delusions are called delusions because your not supposed to fully understand them so you end up just accepting them whereas I battle with them and try to gain knowledge of what I experiencing. I was prescribed antidepressants for a further 15-20 years but I just binned them as I knew they were not working , the doctors just assumed I was taking them. The only thing that ever freed me was alcohol and that came back to bite like a bitch. I recently have been working with a counsellor at the charity mind here in the u.k after the first session she said GAD was the least of my problems. She was sure it was bipolar and possibly gad combined they are not to dissimilar in some respects. Next week I finally get reassessment. I know fundamentally something is awry I now haven't worked for 3 years due to the suicidal thoughts anger issues and the crazy thoughts as I am now I am highly unlikely to be employable I have threatened most my neighbours and they are nice people. Obviously I apologize when my mind is righted but do they accept the apology because they are scared of me, yes probably and that is a really sad life to live. I have moments of overwhelming kindness mixed with a really shitty darkness.

[@Bubblies005]

I brought the same question to my psychiatrist of do I have ADD/ADHD or Bipolar 2. I get imposter syndrome about it often.

[@camilleshrager3203]

i resonate with this so deeply and directly thank you for sharing - a fellow producer/aritist

[@Trollophile]

Lamotrigine has been a game changer for me. 👍

[@BigE-qx1jb]

It didn’t work for me at all, I had so many side effects

[@Trollophile]

@BigE-qx1jb - Rarely do most of us have the same reaction to different mood stabilizers. Different genetics, "neural wiring," and brain chemistries require different medications to treat bipolar disorder. Other medications I tried gave me miserable side effects (confusion, nausea, inability to focus and lethargy 🙄).

[@BigE-qx1jb]

@@Trollophile I’m happy it worked for you!! I’m still trying to find the best one for me

[@alwaysevoke]

Ugh that's rough. It was such a perfect fit for me. I've been on a steady and consistent dose for years now with no real issues. I hope you find something that works just as well for you!

[@lorianne4608]

I wished it worked for me but my being on Effexor is not working

[@petitechouette7770]

This hit home really hard. I also had seizures from stress & a long diagnostic process. Unfortunately, where I am now, I can't easily get psychiatric help. For me at least, meds+therapy are golden.

[@alwaysevoke]

Oof the seizures were one of the worst parts. Sorry you had to go through that too. There's something really reassuring about hearing that other people have grappled with many of the same issues. I appreciate you sharing that with me

[@sairehn]

I have bipolar type 2 as well. Thank you for posting about this too 🙏🏻💜 You’re right about how aid for mental illness is out here in Colorado. It majorly sucks. I went into a lot of debt myself after my diagnosis. Was taking the exact same meds too.

[@alwaysevoke]

Wild coincidences! Hope you're doing well now and have everything mostly balanced out.

[@chloerudel1333]

This really hits home for me. Thank you for sharing your experience.

[@ihuxo]

at 3:14 ish your hand motions the same way as the line behind it on the screen. Disney Channel Queen energy. Thanks for sharing!!!

[@LordRocco777]

Thank you man. Hope all is well with you.

[@nightfangs2910]

Thanks for the Dr on demand forgot about them honestly, I have all the symptoms of BP2 but have not been officially diagnosed yet

[@ncordeau45]

Thank you for this video, very well done and interesting. BTW you have a great voice !!!!!!!!!!!!! :-) :-) :-)

[@luciaaarena974]

Hi! thanks for the video. I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 a few weeks ago, but I'm an unusual patient since I had many depressive episodes (some really bad, with suicide attempt and hospitalization) but I only had ONE hypomaniac episode which lasted for almost three years. So I was uncertain about my diagnosis. Anyway seeing this video really helps so thank you❤

[@tonymedina6493]

I drove 110mph on highway and it felt like 50mph. Just could not get enough of that psycho mania feeling. I was also arrested during manic episode and police took me to jail instead of the hospital. In jail my angry “manic” out bursts led to having my water shut off. I was forced to drink toilet water for 15hrs and given no food, clothes, medication or basic human care. I was so crazy angry that I wrote “f*** you” with feces backwards (so they could read from other side) on the large window. The sheriff’s were so appalled and intrigued that they took pictures. I was wrongfully arrested for two days until posting $2,000 bail on false charges that were eventually dismissed after 7 court dates (two years). I received no treatment, assistance or simple apology while losing two days of my life and $2,000 for my manic episode. I’m just blessed the police didn’t shoot and kill me during the episode like many others who lose their lives every single day. Mania can be deadly so please take medication or see a psychiatrist because my depression (crash) lasted 3 months. Sorry, just being completely honest and I never knew I was bipolar until last month…God Bless!

[@alwaysevoke]

The driving thing is so scary. So so dangerous, more than almost anything else. I've very lucky I didn't do anything stupider, or happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Your jail experiences sounds awful and I'm sorry you had to go through that! Glad we're both ok, and thanks for watching!

[@VndNvwYvvSvv]

You say it was false, but that doesn't mean it was

[@The_New_Abnormal_World_Order]

Medication only helps so much. It is absolutely essential to do all the other things like diet/nutrition, therapy, healthy lifestyle, yoga, alternative health treatments, meditation, etc. etc. Find what works for you. (I have bipolar 1.)

[@donotlookatmychannel5527]

It’s a little harder when if u fail a little like I’ll try to work out and if I can’t do let’s say 5 push ups or wtvr the fuck obviously I can do more but wtvr and I feel in my head I can’t I get SOOOOOO FUCKKKINNNNNGGGGGF FRUSTRATED ITS IMPOSSIBLE AND ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO DEAL THIS AND NOTHING WORKS THAT BS YOUS SAYING IS ALL 🧢

[@The_New_Abnormal_World_Order]

@@donotlookatmychannel5527 I can relate, in my experience journaling about your feelings, as well as talking things over with a psychologist/therapist will help a lot. I try to praise myself for small achievements, you don't have to be perfect all the time! Take baby steps.

[@jacobloving6765]

@@donotlookatmychannel5527 still smoking? I just got diagnosed a month ago but it’s been hard to quit smoking weed

[@elliepaty]

Thanks for this video! Helpful to hear about your experience!

[@alwaysevoke]

I'm glad it was helpful! Thanks for watching!

[@dankesthours182]

i'mwatching this now, I don't like names, diagnoses. I amsuuuper depressed, super manic, very hard for me to stay up on a good vibe. not that I want to always be on a good vibe. good vibes and rough vibes are all welcome in my life. but i'minterested to hear about your story, as a musician, being mentally ill. so many people just push through. not really acknowledging their "issues" (things we all have and subscribe to until we are more light in mind ) I guess. haha. hehe. meh... depression again. (no i'mkidding, but yeah, it is like that) .

[@alwaysevoke]

I think that one of the main things that's really helped me to find a good balance for my life has been developing "metacognition". Basically just being aware of how my thoughts are being affected by my moods. For example, I'm aware that when I'm depressed, things aren't as bad as they seem. It can be tough because both depression and mania trick you into thinking you've *always* felt the way they make you feel, but I've found that understanding that they both have such an influence makes a huge difference to me. Thanks for watching and supporting

[@iysisgraham6399]

dude. i was diagnosed with ptsd and ocd but me and my therapist suspects it may be bipolar disorder because of frequent manic episodes. my father is also diagnosed. wow i feel so understood for once

[@ottergirl1913]

Great, informative, well- presented video. So glad for it.

[@alwaysevoke]

Tysm! I appreciate you watching and supporting the channel :)

[@danyf.7109]

Thanks a lot for this video! I was diagnosed with a depressive episode in 2015, after some sessions and tests, my psyquiatrist told me I have hipomania, therefore she gave me (together with the antidepressants, a mood stabiliser (valproate). In my case I did feel that I wasn´t creative as before. I was diagnosed again with depression, but this time I´m not recovering, I´m going in circles. I realised I forgot to tell my psycolist about the hipomania, then I started researching, and everything I found about hipomaia was related to bipolar II. When I read about it, I´m like "that happens to me". One day I wake up thinking I´m feeling great, I´m not depressed anymore, have a lot of energy and after some days I end up feeling even worse....

[@djstarr-lowery4047]

I saw where several comments thank you and I also but they felt that they were now understood. But for me in 21 years - I don't understand and I can't expect others to understand. One thing that frustrates me is when people hear hypomania and type 2 Max Eliseo mine is a mild bipolar. There's no such thing as mild mental illness. I've finally come to think that my diagnosis has bipolar seems to be a comfortable fit for my psych doctors and the counselors. I've been pigeonholed into depressive, borderline personality and ADHD. I think the bipolar type 2 what's comfortable for most diagnosticians because I can go from good to going straight to hell and wanting to kill myself within 10 minutes. I too have tried everything from counseling to medication to prayer and my personal favorite, " if you just smile you'll feel good about yourself" mental illness diagnosis is a crapshoot. It's not like a broken leg or a disease heart or diabetes. There is no black or white here. There is nothing that works for everyone. I was raised in a very loud and social family. I was happy in sales until suddenly at 43 my life stopped. Even now I am so much better and stronger when I'm among other people but I fear and anxiety stops me from being with/seeking out others. I'm obviously older than most of your audience. I have never known any type of mania.

[@branevans3705]

Great speaking voice. Thx for sharing

[@alwaysevoke]

Thanks for supporting the channel!

[@u-x3982]

omg I wish I had u as a friend

[@Ninadarmoi]

Thanks Alden for your frank video. I'm in the same boat, though was diagnosed 16 years ago. I'm also a musician (semi professional) and mother of 3. I was very interested in what you said about mental health services. In Australia the situation is almost identical and I too had to use our version of video psychiatry in order to get help recently! There is no doubt bipolar is a lifelong illness. After being off medication for 7 years while having my children (and the hormones helped me to stay stable, in my case), the illness relapsed as the hormones wore off and I've been unwell for two years. Thankfully back on meds now: Lithium and Lamictal. Cheers and all the best!

[@johnchandler1]

Mate. Concise, confident and from the heart, and very reassuring to see you saying that you have found some relief from what I also suffer from. Looking good and making sense - I feel better for coming across your video. All the best from Austria!

[@shanewyatt1793]

I also have bipolar 2, But what really made me relate is seeing you were Ableton gang. I produce music and have a similar set up, using Maschine instead of push

[@ElRonan]

Going through this right now. Thanks for sharing.

[@odawnipalmer3908]

right there with you. been treated for depression for 20 years and only diagnosed with bipolar 2 a few months ago. it’s unfortunate how often misdiagnosis occurs. drs need to screen for it regularly not just depression, as i’ve seen.

[@alwaysevoke]

It can get so much better! Hoping you find a swift and effective treatment plan that works for you!

[@Joesfosterdogs]

excellent video...im struggling now with an accurate diagnosis...really appreciate you making this video

[@alwaysevoke]

Glad it was helpful! How has your journey been? Things improving?

[@Joesfosterdogs]

@@alwaysevoke Went to a 30 day treatment program...mixed results...on bipolar meds

[@Brenda5060]

Alden, thank you for personal bipolar experience. Having recently been diagnosed with bipolar 2, after many years of depression and listening to your video and thinking of some of the things that I did and of course didn’t know or realize the things I would do were kinda , should I say not smart. My doctor and went over a few things that lead to the diagnosis of bipolar 2 remembered that I spent a great deal of money on slot machines and that I would make it up later.

[@Brenda5060]

Oops ! Anyway I can relate. Thanks again good video.

[@alwaysevoke]

Thanks for watching and sharing your experience! I think it's good for everybody to see that they're not alone. Thanks for watching the video and supporting the channel!

[@WHITERAVENandWitchsLair]

Thank you so much ❤ you helped a mom ❤

[@alwaysevoke]

Moms deserve the world so I'm glad I can help! Stay well, and thanks for watching :)

[@MentallyHellthy]

this is literally my life. it's wild to see all the patterns

[@alwaysevoke]

I don't think I was expecting so many people to connect with it, but I'm glad we're all able to feel a bit less alone. Thanks for watching and supporting the channel!