StoryTime: When I Tried to Join a Black Fraternity as an Out Gay Man

[@Bri_Elm]

I hate that this happened to you because you would have been an absolute asset to any organization that you joined. As an ally and member of a sorority it really bothers me to hear stories like this. It sucks because the bad chapters and representatives of those chapters ruin the whole experience for everyone. It was their loss! I’m so glad that you didn’t let this define you and happy to see you thriving despite their bigotry.

[@JayTheo1]

Thanks so much for being such a supportive ally! And I truly appreciate that ❤️…i agree so many organizations limit themselves by being bigots but always glad to hear people like you also exists in these organizations to offset the wrong. As hard as it was that experience taught me an early life lesson about discrimination as a queer black person in our own community. And thankfully was a huge catalyst for my initial journey of mental healing.☺️

[@btone03]

So glad that you took a stand for yourself and spoke up when they did you dirty like that. Can’t imagine how many other gay/bi/etc men went through the same suffering or worse and said nothing. It be our own people that say we suppose to stick together that be the ones that knife you in the back.

[@JayTheo1]

Thank you! Thats why I had to speak out because I knew so many others wouldn't feel comfortable doing so! I feel there's so much power in our voices and to your point we even to need show our own people our time, money, and trauma is nothing to play with!!!

[@thestickgatherer]

I always learn something new from your videos. Your energy is incredible. Thanks for sharing your experience.

[@JayTheo1]

Aww! It means so much that you feel that way about my videos! So glad my experiences can bring some level of insight or spark a new thought process…thats truly my goal with sharing my stories.

[@thestickgatherer]

@@JayTheo1 well, you are certainly accomplishing your goal! Thank you

[@JayTheo1]

@@thestickgatherer 🥹🥹🥹

[@coolaideevens8678]

Baby I went to Ohio state barber college… I had all the DLs literally everyday . They are everywhere in Columbus Ohio !!

[@JayTheo1]

Lol no lies told!! The DLs were everywhere!!!! 😭😭😭

[@t.f.110]

Thank you for your video and perspective. I am a black gay male who once contemplated joining an organization, and during my underground pledge process as a solo, was asked if I liked men. I was still in the closet at the time. I decided to drop line shortly after that. Had I known about other options outside of the D9 groups, I may have considered. Multicultural Greek groups are around and I feel many overlook these options. They appear to be way more inclusive in their rhetoric, bond and so on. One thing to consider for those possibly seeking the Greek path.

[@JayTheo1]

Thanks so much for sharing your story! ☺️ So glad you had the courage to do what was best for yourself and not go further into the process of an organization that clearly would not have been supportive of who you are. I agree there's definitely other multicultural greek organizations whose intended purpose is to be more inclusive and accepting and I would encourage anyone whose interested to pursue those options as well.

[@isaacfitzpatrick8160]

Good video Jay I am so proud of you I was bullied in school to I was a track star I know what that's like but I am so proud of you

[@JayTheo1]

Aww thank you! ❤️ As hard as it was at the time so glad it was something i was able to overcome. Glad you were able to overcome the bullying as well so much hate people push onto other is really the hate that had for themselves.

[@isaacfitzpatrick8160]

@@JayTheo1 thank you so much Jay I love your videos I think you're

[@JayTheo1]

@@isaacfitzpatrick8160 🥰🥰🥰

[@trofeowatkins4401]

You strong AF 💖💖💖💖💖

[@JayTheo1]

Thanks love!! Miss you!!! ❤️

[@coloursfilm]

He has such beautiful eyes

[@JayTheo1]

@@coloursfilm aww thank you! 🥹

[@blackgayhistorychannel]

A lot of us, myself included have traumatizing experience with college, especially in BLACK spaces and HBCU's, thank yo u for sharing! 💜🖤❤💚💛

[@JayTheo1]

No prob!! I hate that so many of us in the black queer community have these experiences from our own people! But its 2023 so even our "own" can get the heat if needed! We gotta do better!

[@blackgayhistorychannel]

@@JayTheo1 absolutely. If you are grown even enough to have a bunch of sex, you're grown enough to not antagonize other gay men just becasue youre insecure

[@michaelbailey3299]

I hope you have learned from this experience, stay strong my brother.

[@JayTheo1]

Thanks! Ive learned to always stay true to myself.

[@melancholyofmanny183]

I was always curious what it’d be like to join a frat as a gay black person

[@melancholyofmanny183]

@Be REAL I mean some people know the advantages to these “cults” not everyone is as blind as you think

[@JayTheo1]

Most of the gay guys i know in them had to be in secret to join and afterwards they eventually found brotherhood ive heard good and negative experiences

[@profkei1423]

I hate that that happened to you. I applied for membership to my sorority as an out-masculine presenting lesbian and had no issues. That's just one of the reasons I love Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc.

[@JayTheo1]

Aww glad to hear you had such a good experience with the Deltas!

[@coolaideevens8678]

That’s because them Deltas be carpet munching of course you were welcomed lol

[@scorpionpam]

I hate that happened to you. I am heterosexual but had my own somewhat traumatic experience with an organization that showed interest in me during my undergraduate education, and pre hazed me without me being on line or agreeing to their process. Some people will haze or waste your time. I wish I would have had your courage to report those girls. Cause they harassed me even after I didn’t snitch. I’m over it now and in the organization of my choosing.

[@JayTheo1]

Wow im sorry that happened to you as well! The lengths some of these organizations will go through to waste your time during such a pivotal phase of life is just sinister. Im glad that you found the right organization for you. Having the courage to move past such a difficult time is courageous enough in my book! Thanks for sharing! ❤️

[@scorpionpam]

@@JayTheo1 Thabj you. ♥️🙏🏾 Yes! It was difficult at first. But it happens more often then what most people realize, people just are shamed into silence. 😔 Thanks for sharing your story as well.

[@56chrsbri]

Maybe I can help so you more clear. Remember there is what you think and what you believe and also what you want. But also there is another world of things I guess society or lets say morals etc. That is a norm that people are expected to follow and its strange cause you may not see it or understand it, yet people adapt their lives to this model. Remember everyone is different. But a big part of this or the lesson is that young people are on a road to discover, meet and love their true selves. And what others do is not part of a persons individual persona. Its about you and sometimes different is the way you must evolve to a more experienced adult. Not everyone and everything is for everybody. Trust and believe as an older person I have learned.

[@56chrsbri]

Finally as an older person I will tell that DL' ness you spoke of Never ends your always gonna see it. There are always gonna be blk men that chose not to fully expose their sexual preferences. It is just a matter preference. And I am sorry that you were discriminated against because you choose not too or follow this adaption of Black male sexuality. But now you see how people can be and you have to learn to ignore it.

[@56chrsbri]

Please stop with the self harm. The black gay community needs strong people. I would also like to say that as you age you will see the world isn't fair. Being Black, Gay, and Male is a hard struggle and looks fun and fabulous as a young person. But there is alot your gonna see. And unfortunately we older Black Gay people often have to deal with all things that aren't always what you want or up your alley. Employment, wages, regardless of degree or not. Acceptance where you wanna be accepted. Choice of people you work and function best around versus people you wanna be around. And every other life task that makes us who we are.

[@pryncecharming2133]

The irony... My boyfriend freshman year was a Kappa. Yep. 🤔

[@JayTheo1]

THEE IRONNNNY FR!!!! Smh lol

[@andrewjones2133]

I’m sorry to hear that you were denied a chance of membership into Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc because as you say of your sexual orientation & preference. Imo I think you should try a graduate chapter. Calling the Nupes national headquarters may or may not make a change for discrimination. With you being a member I think you will have a better chance at reform. As far as your opinions of why you feel most people actually join black frats and sororities. I have to respectfully disagree with you there. That’s not true at all. Take care of yourself brother.

[@JayTheo1]

Thanks for the perspective and thoughts! Ive decided to close this chapter of my life but definitely think that grad chapter could be a path for others that faced obstacles of discrimination in undergrad. Overall I think people can choose to join these organizations for a plethora of reasons so I can respect that POV.

[@tincredible]

@@JayTheo1 I think closing that chapter of your life was a wise choice. I can't speak for everyone else, but a social organization has only ONE time to reject me before I decide to fly my own way. I'm making no second attempt to join. It's something about repeatedly begging for acceptance into a "brotherhood" that's a tad ironic to me. I wouldn't even want to be brothers with people whose "friendship" I had to beg for over and over. I prefer my associations with people and groups to be based on mutual desire. That's how I approach personal friendships, and my approach would be no different for a fraternity. I'm glad you were determined to be successful and lead a purpose-drive life WITH or without membership in a frat. Personally, I've never had a deep enough interest in frats to attempt to pledge, but my mom is an AKA, and I have Deltas, Zetas, a Kappa, and several Alphas in my family. I respect D-9s and have even encouraged and supported friends who wanted to pledge, but one should never lose THEMSELVES in pursuit of those letters.