Straight Dude Logic

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Straight Men are brought up to view women as prizes to be won, but I think we need to work on resisting this toxic conditioning.
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[@T1J]

The DrNerdLove video is from 2018 not 2012, sorry!

[@slartibartfast2977]

Also, though this mostly applies to "straight dudes", In my experience gays can have hang ups on being horny and overbearing or "creepy" as well.

[@IizUname]

What if we're already over-conscientious?

[@JackgarPrime]

DrNerdLove is my dude! His book "New Game+" is excellent, and anybody who seems like they might be susceptible towards getting suckered in by the likes of PUAs would be served very well by picking a copy of that up and going to his site.

[@AmberAmber]

This vid was particularly Awesome & insightful!❤️🌺❀✌🏼👍🏼✊🏼🇨🇦😘

[@mickD87]

Haha dude I can't believe I'm arguing this point but...Pam was totally into Jim. Yeah it's doing dirt on her fiance but they were both interested and persuing eachother. She was not happy with Roy and didn't have the guts to dump him. Jim was persuing a woman who he was attracted to who was attracted to him. That's not him EXPECTING her to be his. If it was me I'd never persue another man's girlfriend. That's just me. Get out of your women's studies class once in a while. Experience the real world.

[@ambiguouslyfuckedup5099]

I watched this comedian recently who had this really great one-liner: "Don't say anything to a woman on the street that you wouldn't want a man to say to you in prison." Like. seriously guys. I don't know what part of this is so hard to understand. Most of the time, women are physically weaker than men, and we're very conscious of the fact that if a man wants to overpower us, he probably can. So, barring certain special circumstances, when you call a woman you don't know gorgeous while she's alone, she won't perceive it as a compliment. She'll perceive it as a *motive.*

[@P3dotme]

...so... never talk to women? I wouldn't want anyone talking to me in prison.

[@GayDracula_]

P3dotme That's an extreme. You can talk to a person without disrespecting them or bringing up their appearance. It is possible. The argument that you can't talk to someone without talking about how pretty they are is dumb.

[@P3dotme]

HotGarbage I just think the quote is dumb. I generally try to treat people equally and with basic respect, prison has nothing to do with that.

[@GayDracula_]

P3dotme The quote proves a point. Instead of saying in prison, just say man, or anyone you wouldn't usually want to hit on you, even if it is a woman. It still makes a point, no matter how dumb you may think it is.

[@LittleChaoticMonsta]

Then this quote is not targeted to you. Doesn't mean it's dumb, it might get the point across to people who aren't thinking, acting or feeling the way you are.

[@LiiiiiiMa]

"No one is entitled to anyone's affection or attention." THIS statement is what I want people, ALL people to understand because god it is IT.

[@prometheus3498]

I don't know, in general feel like people are entitled to at least a polite rejection. Whether it be a shake of the head, wave of the hand, or a verbalized dismissal. I could think of situations where straight ignoring someone could be excusable though, so I guess none of these are in absolutes. Perhaps entitled to it isn't the right word, its just the kind thing to do? A clear rejection has always been far more palatable than complete ignoring.

[@christophercordero9352]

You will complain when a person in general is rude

[@christophercordero9352]

Rude as in their just a ass

[@theoconstantinica7969]

How about kids? Where's the line at? Affection, I agree but attention is debatable. I'm not trying to nitpick your statement but it instantly got me thinking how little and misplaced attention there is in today's world.

[@AN-ou6qu]

My mom really took this to heart-

[@vlogo4371]

I get choked up when Rachel gets off the plane because she's honestly convinced that being wanted by Ross is her best future. How bleak

[@TheVivaciousNerd]

I just think of the amazing life she could've had living her dream in Paris... so fuckin sad

[@beasttitanofficial3768]

As a flight attendant, seeing all the breaches in aviation security happening there makes me cry a little. Also, the fact that she gave up a wonderful life in Paris for a mediocre dude... ouch

[@beasttitanofficial3768]

@The Waco Kid it was? Damn I feel old. Idk why I thought these last episodes were shot in like 2003

[@tiramiiisu]

Ross was highkey a shitty dude lets be real

[@Frwill126]

This episode should have taught LC from Laguna Beach/The Hills to not give up Paris for Jason

[@momo_u]

A lot of guys use "being nice" as defense against rejection and then they get mad because they got "friendzoned".. Like dude, i'm not required to fall for a guy just because you're nice to me. That's my biggest beef with so called nice guys.

[@jayox5596]

I find it weird that some people think you'd just surround yourself with assholes and that they are the sole 'nice' person that ever made it your way. If nice meant you had to date them, then you'd probably have to date all your other friends first, based on when you met them.

[@MsMoonDragoon]

@@jayox5596 "douchebag"/"abusive boyfriend" is just a dogwhistle for "someone who treats you decently but also takes the time to actually bathe" they know these people arn't "douchebags" or "assholes", but they have to keep telling themselves that because otherwise they'd have to admit that being nice won't cover for their bo or lack of a personality.

[@theblanketfortcohort7332]

You can tell a real nice guy because they never call themselves nice guys lol. They let their actions say that

[@hayati6374]

Exactly! A guy being nice isn’t a reason for me to go out with him, it’s a basic requirement..

[@gwenrees7594]

@@MsMoonDragoon who are you even talking about

[@ard4461]

With the vast amount of guys I've met who relentlessly insist they can 'change me' from being a lesbian... huuffff. Videos like this are a bit sanity-restoring.

[@TwentySeventhLetter]

Euggh, I'm lucky to have been able to forget that people do that. Stay strong, sista

[@xgullafter9590]

Rip

[@TheJanitorIsIn]

Is it worth anything for me to apologize for douchebags since I'm a straight dude who thinks thats ridiculous? Either way I'm apologizing for not being more vocal about it.

[@sunscrawler7802]

GOD, SAME. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE AND NEVER GET THE POINT. ITS NICE TO SEE THERE ARE GUYS WHO ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S EMOTIONAL WELL BEING HHHHHHHHH

[@SnarkyLesbian]

Yeah, same. I swear to god, every time I try to reject them as nicely as possible by telling them "Sorry, I'm gay." they don't take it as a rejection, they take it as a challenge. The amount of bollocks I have heard to change my mind. Usually disbelief, being told there is only ever 2 lesbians (like we're Sith I guess), that I haven't had the right kind of dick (as if I don't have the internet to find out that the right kind of dick ALSO belongs to women) and being told that they feel like I'm only pretending to be gay to have a reason to reject them. In which case, does it really matter them if I am or am not gay, if my goal is rejecting them? Apparently telling them you already have a boyfriend helps sometimes, but I'll be damned if I have to start denying my sexual orientation to get men from forcing themselves into my personal space.

[@meownover1973]

We need to talk about the fact that men who take advice from KZbin pick up artists don't believe that you can be in a relationship with a woman and be equals with her. They always tend to think about this alpha beta dynamic and that two lovers can't exist peacefully if the woman isnt submissive.

[@Fournier46]

Oh... yeah wow. Can't drive smoothly along the road of life when driving a MGTOW or similar-make misogynist vehicle. The suspension doesn't handle other people's feelings or everyday realities well xD

[@TwentySeventhLetter]

I still refuse to use the words "alpha" or "beta" (in the straight-dude-logic sense) at all if I can help it. Just hearing the words on my tongue makes my face shrivel up.

[@nfc598]

Soooo true

[@jonnil1997]

They also seem to believe that Men and Women cant be friends, really hate that logic.

[@st.carnard]

@@jonnil1997 oof yeah my friend has a friend who's a nice guy, who genuinely believes me and him are in a relationship even though im a minor and im gay (he's an adult, and straight)

[@jobeiden]

i always think about when guys get rejected by girls in movies their friends/role models are like "dont give up on her!!" and its this romantic heroic thing, but when girls get rejected by guys in movies and they don't give up immediately they're portrayed as psychopathic bitches

[@sereneillusions5812]

This

[@marco26gdm]

Well maybe because it is a hundred times more likely for men to be rejected than for women.

[@word69420]

@@marco26gdm Cuz’ you’re a creep-fest lol

[@Alina_Schmidt]

Very interesting! I wonder if that also informs assumptions about women who flirt with/ want to get together with a woman/ women…

[@twigwigsoso]

I'm a transgender male, while i wish everyday that i was a cis guy. I'm really lucky i didn't grow up with idea to chase women or claim them as a prize

[@shon2471]

Couldn't have said it better myself. I want nothing more than to be seen as a man, but at times, it feels gross to know I equate myself with people that think that way.

[@twigwigsoso]

.

[@bigol9223]

Because you will never know what it means to be a man, to stake your claim, to have a family.

[@MarxOrx]

and thats why youre not a real man. You'll never understand it.

[@y-fj9hh]

Marcos Or lol no that’s why trans guys are out there being super popular with women. Because they’re better than cis guys lmao. All my trans guy friends have lots of girls interested in them.

[@dippyfresh1635]

My peak straight dude logic(is this still an applicable word if I'm bi?) was me in high school. The girl said no to going out with me, yet for some god dam reason I thought I could change her mind. I walked next to her trying to make my case as she was obviously trying to walk away. It pains me every time I think about it.

[@oof-rr5nf]

Hey, you grew out of it! I used to be a sexist piece of shit in school, only my sexism was towards guys. I used to just sign them all away as idiots I was too cool for. Obviously under this layer of ignorance was a mountain of fear of having zero know-how about how to interact with the other gender. That problem fixed itself by college THANK GOD. My country is also fairly conservative, so platonic guy-girl friendships wasn't really a thing in the schools I went to. Oh well. Also, hi bi dude. Am bi too.

[@Turtburglers]

compulsory heterosexuality and heterosexual attitudes stick with you for a while even after realizing you're not straight. it'd probably be more surprising if you did suddenly stop having straight dude logic once you realized you were bi lol

[@jblue1622]

How far did you walk next to her? Mine is I can't wait to become uber successful so the women who rejected me will be like damn I passed on that???! And then come back trying to get at it, like any of that matters, I should become uber successful for me and not so I can show off or prove something to others

[@peterwerninck9529]

If it makes you feel better I reckon most guys have a similar story. Least you grew out of it. I once learned a Franz Ferdinand song on guitar cos I knew a girl a girl liked that song then I got super mad when she didn't have sex with me. Jesus.. it does sound terrible when you look back eh?

[@oof-rr5nf]

This comment thread is so damn wonderful

[@adaj472]

I like how you help bring these conversations back to earth. As a woman, I can only communicate my experience. And I can’t lie, I’m frustrated. So, sometimes, it can sound like a personal attack on men who may be trying but need to hear it another way. I would advise most guys: if there’s a woman in your life that you love platonically- a sister, your mother, a childhood friend- ask her about her experiences with men in public places and how they really made her feel. Give her free reign to vent, cry, or just be honest. You’ll probably hear some sh*t you don’t want to hear. And keep it in mind the next time you interact with other women.

[@hopedean6424]

Also realise that sexual assault is very prevalent... I've been trying to work up the courage to tell my brother about it but he doesn't believe that the stats are that high and I'm worried he'd dismiss me

[@trevor0245]

hope dean it’s pretty crazy tbh, as a man it shocked me how many female friends I knew that had been sexually assaulted. It genuinely blew my mind that it was so prevalent. It makes me really sad too to know so many young women go through such a hard experience and I never would have realized how widespread it was unless I talked to these girls. I hope your doing well I just wanted to share my personal insight as a man into the situation.

[@hayati6374]

Trevor 02 it really is scary. Germany is really safe as a country yet there has been a guy before that touched my boobs dancing behind me, taxi drivers that started to flirt or cat call me.. there has also been a guy that stopped his car next to me while I was walking alone. It’s not a weekly thing but it does frighten me a LOT

[@bmoral03]

Explained it so well!! I’m so frustrated asking to be treated right for so long now. I don’t like to generalize and say all men but I’m tired of explaining to grown men why I don’t need to put my comfort aside in order to make a man feel better.

[@rebekahsquires2073]

Yes! That is fantastic advice! I have the same issue of course I get called a man hater etc or gay or stuck up or whatever else

[@angelvee5093]

Me, a bisexual cis woman: Yes. This video is for me.

[@tomlangford1999]

do gay girls ever suffer from straight dude logic? asking out of scientific curiosity

[@chsuart]

@@tomlangford1999 I don't think most bi girls/lesbians (speaking about this as a bi girl myself) would have that kind of thinking, at least not in the same way. A lot of girls have experienced being hit on by guys and not wanting it, (this especially sucks if you're a lesbian and not even into guys in the first place) and would probably have a much easier relating to other girls. But again, every girl is different, it's always a possibility that some have that kind of thinking.

[@roua9882]

Tom Langford I think it’s also that bi/gay women’s existence can make many straight women uncomfortable bc they think we’re always going to be attracted to them (spoiler alert: we aren’t), so we tend to be very respectful and not put ourselves out there as much

[@bluechick7113]

Rou A as a straight woman, who is often surrounded by bi/lesbian women, I can personally say that I‘m not uncomfortable being around girls who might feel attracted to me. I once had a girl tell me that she had a crush on me, but when I said that I‘d rather stay friends, she took it really well and respected my boundaries. She never insulted me, became hostile or slut shamed me, which often happens when girls around me reject men. I can also say that while every girl from my friend group has been catcalled at least once by a man, none of us have experienced that from any women. The closest you’ll get is a girl telling you that you’re beautiful, or saying that your outfit is cute. If it came down to it I‘d be more comfortable stuck in a room with a group of lesbian women than straight men. This is just my experience, I hope I wasn’t being disrespectful

[@AN-ou6qu]

Jessica Wan Don’t think that exists?? They have just basic “straight logic” but nothing special from my experience

[@Turtburglers]

I feel like an underrated moment in this video where T1J says to other straight dudes "you're a human being" and I feel like one of the ways that toxic masculinity and patriarchy harms men is that to a certain degree men will forget this. Like, you don't have to follow the toxic straight dude logic/scripts that you're given with your role because you're a human being too, and you have the ability to choose whether or not those are logics/scripts that you want to follow. With all the talk of "think of women as people", that goes both ways. Think of yourself as a person, and of your partners as people, and of the strangers you want to innocently flirt with as people, you'll probably feel a lot happier about yourself and your interactions with everyone else.

[@weatheranddarkness]

More this!!!!

[@nurglerider781]

How is this not the top comment? So well put.

[@Blox117]

sorry kid, toxic masculinity is just a PC leftist buzzword for "we hate men"

[@Turtburglers]

@@Blox117 that's a lot of words to say 'ive never made a woman orgasm before"

[@weatheranddarkness]

We're at a point Blox117, where, if somebody hates men and feels the need to express that somehow, they can just go ahead and say so. Toxic masculinity is exactly not that. It's not equivalent to "masculinity is toxic". It's a term coined specifically to describe behaviours that are problematic social constructs that have associations with "becoming a man" or "maintaining manliness". The behaviours people single out as toxic are things such as: one guy encouraging another to take advantage of a drunk girl; endangering others in the process of attempting to save face; working too hard to the detriment of one's own health; abusing the privileges afforded to you to the detriment of the less fortunate. Anything that leads to malicious or malign behaviour purely for the sake of establishing one's masculinity - is toxic.

[@dbclass2969]

As a teen, I often take advice from my childhood shows on tv which tell men to never give up when chasing a female, as if we could change their mind if they aren’t interested in us. I was really pushy when it comes to finding a partner because I felt like that I could make a girl like me. I used to be called a creep and I couldn’t ever get why because it always worked in movies and tv. I get my errors now, but it sucks because this mindset is why women are so reserved when it comes to relationships and often don’t put themselves out because they think the dude will lash out. I just wish we could get over this and stop the bs when it comes to dating

[@AmberAmber]

@Demonta Barrino Standing Ovation 2U, cyber·human-pal!! You're really wise in recognizing a harmful mindset & then working on effecting change ● *Bravo* !! *FYI* · I'm bi & prefer gals, but bad advice for gals is in many cheesy rom·coms, dramas, & action films ● Worst? "A *Good* /The *Right* woman" changes regular guy into a life partner. Messed up cos *No one CAN change ANYONE* (we can barely change ourselves {& why you get a standing ovation}). Relationships ought to have a mandate: Accept Paramour "As Is" or go with someone better suited. Cheers, & congrats on your insight!!✌🏼💜🦄

[@lewisbirkett4428]

@@AmberAmber I was a little like that too. It changed so much after I stopped acting like that

[@AmberAmber]

@@lewisbirkett4428 Also A huge applause for you!! This comment thread is feeling super wise!😍❤️👍🏼💜✌🏼

[@taiasoncole8148]

Unfortunately I do feel like a lot of movies and shows do push this idea that if you bug a girl long enough you'll win her or that it is your job to save a girl from her "jerk" boyfriend so she'll date you instead.

[@AmberAmber]

@@taiasoncole8148 Totally agree. *It's ridiculous* how much of ones views of potential mates/other gender(s) are formed · *not* experientially · but by hack·y formulaic screenwriters who perpetuate tropes & stereotypes as a safe bet so as to keep their jobs. I forget who, but someone here on KZbin made a vid which featured a list of *numerous* films all of which begin by portraying an accidental kidnapping which becomes love by the end. ★Heroine's *EITHER* 1) single/in an non·descript LTR; white, gorgeous, successful, sassy independent but there's *something amiss* • *OR* 2) she's single/in an abusive LTR/has a mean boss; anxious, withdrawn, bespectacled/clumsy/selfUNaware re: beauty·&·brains; "equipt" with a. a Quirky hobby (ie. collecting antique taxidermies; a flair for Card·Counting...), & B. The official SWF Film's token & 1·d. *Sassy Black BFF* who's OWN life's defined by building up insecure White Heroine (is oft' heard saying "Girl? You know I love you, but If you think .. ___, ..."). ★ *Hero* selfish, rogue, but w/ a flicker of the gentler boy of yore, before "___" (some trauma which caused his current incarnation); plays fast & lose with rules; audience sees the real man beneath tough exterior only to create sympathy for his distasteful & heinous act of kidnapping heroine (accidental/zany/, intended; it's b4 he sees she's beautiful, fu¢kable, & can be tamed by just the right man · enter persistence pays off trope · action, & they *battle* by exchanging barbs); he breaks her like a horse; action, a scene where she dresses his wound; a close call; Tamed? She loves him; declare love & escape bad guys; marriage; cut to 3yrs later where they're having a bday party for their stupid kidnapping·progeny. Basically? All media's created for profit by adulterating the artists' visions in order to make loads of money for investors. That's why the messages · especially in gender·geared films · are blazing dung infernos. Love & peace *to all* ✌🏼❤️❤️✌🏼🌺🌺❀🌺🌺

[@yltraviole]

Oh, yeah, I definitely have encountered those social punishments for being an openly sexual being. I remember in high school telling one (1) sex joke, that, if I had been a guy, would've just been laughed at, and then forgotten. For me, it resulted in being constantly harassed by a group of guys that I had considered, well, not necessarily friends, but at least friendly acquaintances. This lasted for a week, until another guy told them to knock it off. I only reserve my sex jokes for close friends nowadays, which is a shame, because I'm hilarious.

[@treeforged9097]

When I was in high school I told a sex joke and I got expelled. I wish I only would have gotten harassed. Unfortunately when men tell sex jokes they are often perceived as "creepy" or threatening and women have the power to get them fired or kicked out of school as a result.

[@yltraviole]

@@treeforged9097 If it was really only a sex joke, made in an appropriate context, that sucks. However, I don't think I would've had that power, even if I had told about the harassment I received. Our school also employed a genuinely creepy gym teacher (he would put his arm around female students, even after they'd pull away, and would find excuses to enter girls' dressing rooms without knocking). I later learned that the school received numerous complaints about him, but they didn't suspend him until four years after I graduated.

[@yltraviole]

He also told a thirteen year old girl that was running past that "the view was nice from here". That was what finally did him in, probably because her parents made a big stink about it. I was actually pretty surprised that there had been complaints before this. While I and the girls I knew would talk about this teacher amongst ourselves, not a single one of us ever even considered talking to a parent or a teacher about it. We just felt like "every school has at least one creepy teacher, it's just something you have to deal with" At that age I, and I think also a lot of other girls, kind of felt that being sexually objectified by men old enough to be your father is just part of being a teenage girl. It was only later that I realized how sad that mindset really is.

[@yltraviole]

Damn, the more I think about it you really must've made some sex joke, or either you went to the most prudish high school ever. I know a girl (she went to a different high school), and one time, when she walked past a classmate of hers, he grabbed her by the back of the head and pulled her face to his crotch. In full view of everybody, tons of witnesses. When she reported this to the school board, all they did was suspend him for two days.

[@yltraviole]

Yup, lots of power we have.

[@aaronsmith1023]

When you talked about women maybe just giving into someone and "giving" a guy sex just to avoid a fight or because they felt pressured, I reeled back in utter horror. That's just awful...

[@margicates553]

Oh yeah, that was my twenties. It’s called coercion. It seemed like the easy way out of things, just float away and let him do his thing so he’ll leave me alone. I’d say 75% of my sex life has been non consensual. And I’ve got PTSD now. I was raised to be what old straight white men want me to be. It takes a long time to untangle that.

[@ksnow983]

why I kind of don't want to date guys anymore

[@idontknowman399]

I've had to do it a couple of times as well. I feel as if this video should touch upon the fact that men can also say no to women and that they should just respect it as well. Although, that could be another video in itself. *Edit- Grammar

[@hypatiakovalevskayasklodow9195]

And yet so common. I mean I almost married a guy like that. It was easier to go through couple of minutes of sex than him getting angry all the time Don't ask me why I didn't break it up earlier cause to this day I don't know

[@BoredomBee]

Like Hypatia, I also almost married a guy like that. That coercion, that "I know you're not interested but let me make you interested" mindset, and the corresponding "I'm not interested but I can get back to what I'm doing/he'll leave me alone faster if I just do it" mindset, is truly not as uncommon as it should be.

[@taylaca]

I love how he brought up the importance of setting. There is a time and place for guys to try to pick up women. Here are 3 examples of increasingly bad times/places I have been bothered by men who could not take a hint that I just wanted to be left alone. 1) The Park: Not so bad. It was a crowded public place that I was in voluntarily and able to leave to get away from the guy. 2) An Airport Terminal: Very annoying. I could not leave because I needed to catch a plane and it made the already exhausting travel experience more unpleasant. 3) An Empty Train at Night in the Middle of Nowhere: Terrifying. The guy asked me to have sex with him and I had to tell him no several times. Fortunately he backed off but there was no one else around and I did not feel relaxed until he got off the train about an hour later. I could not get away because it was the last train going back to the city. To the guy hitting on a woman it can so easily seem like "oh well, might as well try". Please take into consideration you might be ruining her entire day or make her fearful for her safety.

[@treeforged9097]

Please take into consideration that your feelings of fear towards men is actually a form of sexism. There are plenty of white people who have a fear of black people because they were victimized by black people and they are now afraid of all black people. It is racist to be afraid of a person because he is black but its also sexist to be afraid of someone because of there sex. Maybe you should deal with your sexist attitudes about men instead of making innocent men feel like they are criminals for the way they were born.

[@taylaca]

Treeforged I would not be afraid of a man for simply existing or speaking to me. It didn't particularly register that there was anyone else on the train until the man approached me. He first asked me a few questions about what country I was from and where I was living and I engaged in the conversation and enjoyed it as much as I usually enjoy talking to strangers. Then he asked if I would have sex with him and I said no but he kept asking again and again. It was at that point that I became frightened. We were alone and he could easily overpower me. And there is a very real history of men becoming violent towards women and simply taking what the women would not give them voluntarily. For the record, I would be terrified of a woman too if I was trapped on an empty train with her and she was physically much stronger than me and demanding something I was not willing to give. It was the situation, not the gender. Of course there is no reason for men to feel guilty about their gender and I'm amazed you somehow read that into what I wrote. I was speaking very specifically of situations where men are engaging in the activity of picking up or soliciting sex from women. Like I said, it is all about the setting. Ask a women in a bar or on Tinder, where that may well be what they want. Do not ask someone in a setting that sounds like the start of a missing person's report. Of course most men are not going to become violent but the woman does not know which few will until it is too late. In any human interaction it is important to consider how a person will interpret and feel about what you say and do because as unselfish people we care about making the other person feel comfortable in the situation. There are many times that this dynamic fails. I'm simply pointing out one such failure, which is when men think that it is ok to act out the exact start of an interaction that occasionally ends with rape and murder. They know in their mind that they won't do that and so they don't realize that their actions are frightening to the other person.

[@revuesdeminuit4071]

Treeforged considering men have literally killed women for refusing their advances, I think it’s pretty safe to say that women who fear retaliation for saying no are valid. It’s not sexist to say that I was afraid of a guy when he cornered me at night in a deserted area and started hitting on me, because that’s prime potential for violence. If I’m hanging out with friends at my mate’s house, and a guy comes onto me and I reject him, I’m not going to be afraid of saying no. Context, my dude. Not sexism.

[@blablablubb7623]

It also makes a huge difference if the woman is alone or in a group. Like, I was walking around at night with three other girls and some guy shouted over "You're beautiful". We didn't feel threatened, we felt kinda flattered. Another time I was alone, also after dark and some guy walked up to me and told me "you're cute" and I immediately panicked, told him I was engaged and to please leave me alone

[@partylikeits1066]

@Notre Aira this is not always true. It is true for some men who get sexual kicks out of power. But there are also plenty of guys who are just self centred and really haven't thought about what it's like to be the woman in these situations. The threat doesn't register to them because it's not part of their reality

[@Feverm00n]

Pretty sure I just recently had a straight dude logic interaction. I was walking into a convenience store just trying to get some desperately needed caffeine when a dude (at least twice my age) in the passenger seat of a big white utility truck parked right in front of the door barks "HEY!" at me. It bordered on angry sounding so I just instinctively looked up. So I said hi back & he proceeded to ask me "How YOU doin'?" (in such an overt way that he was practically parodying himself) w/ this menacing fuckin smile. I forced myself to go into customer service mode & have the whole small talk conversation with him bc as uncomfortable as it made me, the thought of him yelling mean shit at me if I just kept walking seemed worse. Much to my disappointment, he was still out there when I came back out & I experienced the most unnerving "have a good day" I've ever received. Then as soon as I got to my car they had already left. Pretty sure that dude & the driver just fucking waited for me to come back out. I genuinely do not understand what dudes think they're gonna achieve when they act like that... YELLING at me from the passenger side of your work truck & forcing some awful small talk from me while looking at me like I'm lunch. This might sound crazy but it felt like dude was taking a power trip. Like he had no actual interest in me, he just enjoyed my discomfort? Idk, maybe it was beyond just regular straight dude logic...

[@lilicorrea8515]

I agree, it’s just past straight dude logic. I was walking down the street and I went in between two people because how they were standing on the sidewalk, that’s all the room there was. As I passed the man made a rude comment about my butt and so I instinctively made a face and kept walking and he just laughed. Like he got a kick out of making me uncomfortable. The worst part was that I told my mom about it and she just said, “well you do have a big butt”. It was disillusioning and sad. That was beside the point but I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re right. At some point it’s just beyond straight dude logic.

[@tommatt2901]

@@lilicorrea8515 that sounds like straight up catcalling

[@jenm1]

That's 100% what it is, but those men are typically isolated and rejected by society, so I feel bad for them.

[@CausaBrevitatis]

As an asexual, thank you for not generalizing sex to be something everyone wants in their lives. Great video, keep up the good work!

[@homeboundtravel]

some of us gay men also suffer from straight dude logic. nice video!

[@a1t3rmusic]

@Notre Aira i wonder too...?

[@NovelNovelist]

@@a1t3rmusic Gay/bi dude here, and yeah, a lot of what he talks about in the video with regard to the way straight guys think about women is also familiar to the way I often think about other guys on a surface level -- it's kinda just DUDE logic, straight, gay, or bi. And likewise, as a dude who's been on the receiving end of a lot of sexual attention/interest from other guys, I can relate to the awkward/creepiness when it's unwanted or unreciprocated. The biggest difference, I'd say though, is that guys in general are just more open to blunt, casual, random sex, so the threshold is a bit higher for what constitutes taking it too far or what falls into outright creepy behavior.

[@guidoylosfreaks]

@Notre Aira they mistreat bottom/feminine gay dudes. The type of masc discrete gay guys who say I'm gay but not represented the LGBT community.

[@Scuuurbs]

I had a friend that came out while I was living out of state. When I came back he would repeatedly flirt with me and get physical (grab my ass) even though I flat out told him that I wasn't interested and did not want the attention. He'd always blow it off and tell me I liked it, or that I should at least try it with a guy before saying no. It was peak straight dude logic and it really helped give me perspective on what women experience.

[@nonyabusiness7206]

The fact that me, a gay man, was literally about to tell you how hot your picture is in the most thirsty and inappropriate way, and probably get mad if you didn't respond is probably an indicator of how valid you point is lol. I shall refrain from doing so.

[@mattrose99]

Seriously, take no for an answer. I hate that I always have to say I'm taken just to hope that a guy just politely leaves (he doesn't always). I'm just scared if I just say I'm not interested it could be come violent, or he could follow me home and then I need to hope one of my neighbours helps me. There's really no way to know if a man will become violent or possessive until he does

[@lorettaknoelk3475]

Exactly!!!!!!

[@joelman1989]

My wife (with two rings on her finger) still has to tell dudes she’s taken and I hate it because you shouldn’t have to tell people you are taken especially if it’s not true but also even if it is. But I guess dudes only respect what other dudes have? I hate it.

[@JCPRuckus]

@@joelman1989 - Well, after you sleep with enough women who are "taken" the concept kind of ceases to be a convincing deterrent. Plenty of women wear their wedding rings every day and then have sex with other men. The only way to be absolutely sure you can't be that other man is to ask. I mean, if her response is, "I'm taken", then you're pretty much done. But too many women cheat to not ask... Lol

[@madelinebitts2766]

@@JCPRuckus If someone says "No" they don't need to tell you they're taken too. Their no means no, single or otherwise.

[@JCPRuckus]

@@madelinebitts2766 - I was replying to someone who complained that his wife was still approached by guys even though she has a ring. She can't say, "No", until they approach. So your comment has nothing to do with what I was saying.

[@GretgorPooper]

I also have a lot of internalized sexist thoughts, and I have become very self-conscious of my actions to avoid acting on those thoughts.

[@Anna-xh6fk]

Gretgor good

[@smmm5559]

disgusting

[@smmm5559]

@@vinianna6142 no mate YOU AREA disgusting

[@Banisoup]

Well, thank you for everything you've done to better yourself and others lives who experience you. (: Thank you for looking deeper

[@maxonmendel5757]

Internalized sexism like, “girls think all men are disgusting... I must be disgusting.”? Or like something else?

[@RapCritic]

Ya doin' God's work, homie! Peace

[@AquinasBunny]

Holy crap, I just remembered your channel exists and is also excellent. brb, subbing and binge-watching your back catalogue

[@T1J]

Thanks!

[@CoryMck]

Top 10 Best cinematic crossovers

[@grandmaniacs3269]

@@CoryMck IFKR

[@AnyOtherCityInTheWorld]

I seriously love your videos so much, awesome that you watch these videos too :)

[@captainsawbones]

I'm stone cold asexual and i stopped talking about it in real life because i got so many "offers" to "fix me" with the healing power of male junk. some of those offers were physical and some of them were not contingent upon me accepting before the action was attempted. I think what you've said has helped me at least start to understand why this even happens (cuz like, if i hadn't have been open about it, i wouldn't have gotten any male attention at all. its like the asexuality and the idea of 'curing' it was what made me valuable, adn that made me feel horrible) would you have any advice on a good way to handle being ace with regards to disclosing to a man (like should a man know before dating even happens, etc) or do i need to just keep it secret and hidden forever so i dont get attacked again? thank you so much for this video!

[@inteusproductions]

Maybe you shouldn't make your sexuality a central part of your life. You make excuses that people put you on a pedestal because of some aspect of your sexuality, but maybe you should make your personality or hobbies the central part of you.

[@celery8059]

inteusproductions kinda hard to ignore sexuality if you want a relationship because it’s pushed constantly in the media. There’s not enough ace representation tbh

[@keepyourshoesathedoor]

Stay safe. I’m another ace person.

[@FilosofiadiCazzeggio]

What happened to you is profoundly disgusting and has made me violently angry. If my romantic partner told me they're asexual it would probably be the end of the relationship, because I'm a person with strong sexual urges and I wouldn't be able to practice celibacy, but I wouldn't think any less of them because of their asexuality

[@RandomPerson-gt1jt]

@@inteusproductions lmao what? What part of this comment told you that this person puts their asexuality above their personality and hobbies? They told some people they're ace, those people were disgusting about it. That's it. It's not like they go around wearing a pride flag, only talking about how ace they are, I mean in the comment they even said they stopped talking about it in real life. Hell, even a quick peak at their youtube channel shows video games, cats, and animated wallpapers, nothing about being ace. I'm honestly sick of the attitude that if someone is ace or pretty much any sexuality other than straight and gay then we must be special snowflakes whose only personality trait is our sexuality. Like come on. You wouldn't say that T1J has made being a straight dude a central part of his personality just because he mostly talked about being a straight dude, you wouldn't say that all the comments talking about their experiences as women are putting being a women over their personality and hobbies, and you wouldn't say that all the comments from gay people are making their gayness a central part of their life. But one asexual person comments? No, that won't stand. How dare you mention your sexuality in a context that applies to the topic being discussed in this video.

[@sarah_7814]

As a female I think one of the media stereotypes which is most irritating is the "playing hard to get" thing where men seem to think if a woman says no that means it's ok for the guy to still ask her and harass her?! Smh. At the same time though we need to remember there are genuinely nice guys out there, or just well meaning guys who come across the wrong way. This video is honestly amazing

[@Alina_Schmidt]

I guess the vast majority of men being violent like this have good intentions (or at least not bad ones). Still it doesn’t hurt and harm less.

[@arleencloud9461]

as someone who is perceived as a straight man, i sometimes try to talk to straights about their creepy behaviour towards women and i can tell you that the whole "consider how it might make women feel" is 100% useless. the usual reaction is a variation of "they should be glad to have my atention considering how they are".

[@sourgreendolly7685]

I can’t wrap my head around why anyone would be grateful for attention from anyone who thinks they should be grateful for the attention. That’s an incredibly unattractive trait to most people.

[@eb7446]

OK, let's say women or people should be appreciative of compliments. Fine, but you can't take it from there and expect the woman to give you something from it. You know what? I compliment people all the time, I tell them how nice their hair looks, or what a nice painting they made. What does "considering how they are" even mean though? The only genuine compliment is to make someone feel good about themselves without anything in return. Anything else is a form of manipulation.

[@partylikeits1066]

I think some men genuinely don't think of women as being as complete complex people as they are. They probably don't even realise they do this, but they are incapable of properly empathising with women because they don't understand that they have the same kinds of thoughts and feelings as them

[@jostockton.]

You don't appear to know many then. Plenty of creeps exist but obviously most are sane normal people.

[@weatheranddarkness]

As a straight guy, I actually like when gay guys compliment me out of the blue. But there are contexts where it makes my skin crawl. There's no all-or-nothing with this stuff.

[@silverarrowtarot]

its really very simple guys: If we women feel like you are objectifying us BEFORE you know us than it isn't going to go that well for you. Practice seeing hot women as people, with insecurities, feelings, lives, hobbies, dreams and quirks. You'll get a LOT father with someone that way and it will feel a lot better for you too because the connection will be real and authentic and not just based on superfical looks.

[@lilnoob303]

I always treat woman with respect like that. But then they they always end up judging me for anything typically. Y’all can’t act like yalls gender are angels honey. Y’all got just as much baggage as we got

[@pastordonkoh7692]

never seen an incredibly naive comment. If you're romantically interested in someone you have be forward at the beginning.

[@silverarrowtarot]

@@pastordonkoh7692 you can make your interest known by asking questions and being curious about the actual PERSON. NOT just their looks or body. Eveyone seems to forget. Looks always fade! Its what is inside that counts.

[@silverarrowtarot]

honestly I don't know who yall hangin out with... but hey, there's all kinds in the world obviously. I don't respond to being treated like an object, pick up lines and people who come up to me first with taking about my physical attributes. It has never worked on me not once. Attraction is not special. Lots of people are hot. Lots of people are sexy. Lets get past that and into something more soulful.

[@pastordonkoh7692]

@@silverarrowtarot yeah most women start seeing an unassuming man who might make a good friend at best. ive had female friends and gotten a lot of insight in and around this topic of a guy with a superficial approach vs the whatever you've described.

[@TheKhfan001]

Yes, but as someone (straight & male) who struggles in the looks and charisma dept, I have been called creepy for simply existing in the same space as women... And I'm not seeing many people talking about just how damaging that can be. Yes, it encouraged me to improve myself, but it still stung. To this day, I can still look back on times that I can objectively say, "No. I was definitely not being actively creepy when that girl I barely spoke to asked to be switched to a different project because I was creepy. I did not deserve to be threatened to have my jaw broken for speaking to a girl's ex girlfriend, and creeping her out." You can say I'm not entitled to women's time or courtesy of kindness, but I'm human too. Please don't treat me like a monster for existing in the same space. I want to BE, just like everyone else.

[@0rbeez]

This is definitely something that needs to be talked about more often. If people keep assuming that anyone they perceive as unattractive is a predator, it’s just going to make things worse for everyone. Actual victims will be silenced because of how many fake stories there are. It also gives men who experience this kind of thing the idea that their behaviour was wrong when it probably wasn’t. Not to mention how shitty it is in general to assume someone’s malicious just because they don’t appeal to you.

[@charliekahn4205]

@@0rbeez I mean, this is what Shrek was really about. Shrek is about someone who is ostracized because of his looks, who just wants to be left alone because he never knew of any interaction that wasn't hostile. Because everyone sees him as a monster, he doesn't want people bothering him, and it can drive him to act like the very monster that they're afraid of, just to get them out of his space. And since he's actually a pretty nice guy, he doesn't want to act like that monster, even though he knows that he can and sometimes must, and he hates himself for the fact that he has to act like that "big, stupid, ugly ogre." It's a perfect example of stereotypes driving people to become the exact thing they despise others for believing they are. And yet, with just one friend, Shrek was able to come out of his shell and find the love of his life.

[@0rbeez]

@@charliekahn4205 at this point, shrek does a better job educating than some schools

[@pastordonkoh7692]

@@charliekahn4205 nigga did you just imly above man is Shrek lmao 😂😂😂🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️ smfh

[@marco26gdm]

Well that's just natural selection.

[@melder7416]

I'm a gay woman but I'm watching this to provide the views

[@venuswest1914]

SAAAAAAAME

[@salemsaberhagen3238]

I liked this video. I think you are right about how men really do have to think about their words when talk or trying to flirt with women. When I was working at a gas station and I would try to shut down men who would compliment me or hit on me, they would usually act aggressive for it. They would raise their voice and tell me that was not an appropriate response, that I should just be grateful. I know I can be a smart-ass, but I literally can't turn a man down without feeling like I am going to get attacked or something. I have had to take drastic measures just to get men out of my life because they would not stop flirting with me and would just touch me inappropriately because I did not want to say, "Hey please stop" (or they wouldn't stop when I asked) and then get beat up for it or something. And you might be saying that sounds like a more you thing than a man thing, but I think men don't realized how intimating you are to someone like me. Men just need to be aware that there is a record of men killing women for turning them down and it is something we think about every time a man hits on us.

[@oof-rr5nf]

Truth. I am so sorry about your experience with such men.

[@treacherousjslither6920]

I suggest you carry a good sized knife and whenever a man makes you feel uncomfortable you pull it out and scream at him to leave you alone. I have no idea how effective this will be. I figure that if some guy really wanted to get you he would and there ain't shit you could do about it. But maybe having the knife will make you feel like you have a chance.

[@oof-rr5nf]

@@treacherousjslither6920 Err, won't pepper spray work better? Knives invite suspicion and the situation could get a lot worse, a lot quicker. This is like "carry a gun" logic. Too dangerous, dude.

[@treacherousjslither6920]

@@oof-rr5nf I disagree. Pepper spray doesn't work on everyone. Knives do. Take knife fighting classes. Learn how to conceal a great number of knives all over your body. Never carry a purse/pocketbook or wear high heels. Always wear clothing with pockets for your belongings and wear comfortable footwear that you can run and fight effectively in.

[@sarahcollins190]

@@treacherousjslither6920 The problem is you are actually telling her she needs to do something to make sure she is safe. When what makes her unsafe is the man attacking her. Maybe the message needs to be directed at other men about how unsafe women feel in such situations. And stop patronizing her... I am quite sure she has more than enough stratergies up her sleeve to maximise her safety. And a knife is more likely to be taken from her and then used against her. But she probably already knows that.

[@TheJoshSpeaks]

Great advice here man, if only more guys understood this it would help them approach dating situations with more compassion and mindfulness. I have one of those channels that aim to help teens and young adults be their best selves, often around areas of dating in their lives. It's so important for each of us to think about how to develop healthy relationships, hopefully more guys can see your message here.

[@TheJoshSpeaks]

@kobe robertson hmm have you seen any of my videos? Check out a few of them and see if you find them helpful.

[@layneb5002]

I think it’s really important as well to talk about how women, particularly from older generations, are often taught to expect this kind of behavior from men, and can have pressure placed on them from parents or other women to accept these impulses as a reality of “men being men.” The burden is then placed on the woman to avoid these kinds of situations, to never be alone with a man you aren’t in a relationship, etc. can result in women being victim blamed because they “chose” to enter a situation in which they are vulnerable to men, rather than blaming the mentality of the men, or any predators, for feeling that sense of entitlement to women’s bodies. Thanks for posting this video, this stuff needs to be said

[@lpphillyfan]

This is a great point.

[@NewBlueTrue]

Just a thought I was having. I saw Rachel miss her flight for Ross. If someone tried to make me miss my flight or manipulate me to miss my flight, I would be incredibly mad and not talk to them for a while. Flights can cost thousands of dollars, along with reservations for hotels, tours you might have paid for, and other things. What if I’m leaving for a job opportunity that I already signed an employment contract for? I’m not going to miss out on something that I planned for to listen to someone profess their love for me. If what they want to say is truly important, then they can wait for me to come back or say it over the phone. If I want to reciprocate those feelings, then we’ll make plans to be together instead of me missing out on opportunities and thousands of dollars.

[@lorettaknoelk3475]

Oooh, so true!!

[@GabbyLiriano]

Thank you.

[@idrk3707]

@Umbuko DaJuko stfu

[@fantasyfangirlno1]

@Umbuko DaJuko I don't know how. You missed the point that tv depicting it the way you just described it is damaging. Because people trying to stop others at airports end up expecting the other person to act like rachel

[@christmansonpunk2927]

@Umbuko DaJuko except: not a part of accept: to receive or agree 👌💜🖤

[@claytonhawes4731]

tbh as a gay dude I always felt like when my straight peers talked about how sexy women were, it was seen as normal, but if I called a guy hot it was seen as creepy. Can any one else relate?

[@aquamarineancientsoul7893]

"Men feel threatened by women bc they think women will laugh at them, they're afraid of humiliation. Women feel threatened by men bc they think men will kill them." This is very true. Women pretty much constantly have to be aware of their physical weakness. And its horrible.

[@pastordonkoh7692]

women engineer sinister scenarios in their heads. I've seen women eho looked visibly lost run away from someone approaching them to ask if they needed help finding directions...🤦🏻‍♂️

[@somabalestra1131]

@@pastordonkoh7692 Yeah that's sad..

[@athenam4724]

@@pastordonkoh7692 most of the time that happens because we've been in similar situations, and this starts at childhood, honestly we kinda learn to be cautious all the time

[@Alina_Schmidt]

If it was because of physical weakness, men would also be scared for their lives. It doesn‘t take physical strengh to harm or kill someone. That is not the issue. It‘s more about what is seen as normal and whose perspective is deemed believable.

[@Finn5659]

PopCultureDetectiveAgency is stellar at deconstructing toxic masculine tropes in media: grade A content

[@Finn5659]

kobe robertson theres a difference between rhetoric and criticism

[@chewychibi03]

Finntastic Films I really love his videos

[@billny33]

I like his analysis but at some point I got tired of him dissecting all works of media just to breakdown the harmful ramifications of toxic male behavior and not pay attention to anything else about the work. He's very much a specialist. Maybe after a while as a straight guy I start to feel like he's wagging the finger at me and media that for much of my life I thought was fine and it gets tiresome. But I generally respect the points he makes and the care he puts into it.

[@keepyourshoesathedoor]

billny33 Are you just uncomfortable because you can relate?

[@billny33]

@@keepyourshoesathedoor somewhat. Harrison Ford playing an abusive, toxic lover in a bunch of his movies, not so much, but something like Manic Pixie Dream Girl or Born Sexy Yesterday are tropes I would say I have more of a soft spot for, and yes, relate to, that he def does not. But I realize its an adjustment I have to make. The media has told things from a male point of view for a long time and now sometimes it gets told from an entirely feminine point of view that might exclude certain male viewpoints, even on occasion, from a man. The shoe was on the same foot for a long time and I respect letting new voices finally tell their story. Whether that occasionally causes me to feel a certain way is not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things.

[@lemondrizzlecake7766]

As a woman, I really appreciate what you're doing here T1J. A lot of what you say sounds pretty obvious to me (and to a lot of straight dudes too, probably), but it still - unfortunately -needs to be said.

[@bronxbl0gr]

Can't help but notice you're 1k subs from Glory. Couldn't happen for a nicer dude😎

[@maxonmendel5757]

the Bronx Blogger make that 999 subs away lol

[@ykMMD]

I remember one event that happened when I was 19 coming home an bar. It was 3h30 am maybe? I was waiting for the bus, with headphones on, looking straight ahead and in pretty shitty mood. I just wanted to get home, but this guy starts talking to me. At first I ignore him, but then, since he doesn't get the message and still tries to get my intention, I take off my headphones and asks what? He thinks I'm cute, he would like to go grab another drink or food with me right now if I'd like. He's not aggressive (just too insistant), he doesn't seem dangerous at all...but he won,t take no for an answer! Even if I explain to him very kindly that I had a crap evening, I don't want to talk to anyone, please leave me alone, I just want to go home. Eventually the bus shows up. And 25 minutes later, when I get off at my stop, through my headphones I hear someone yelling. The guy had gotten off at my stop too!!!!! (I still don't know if it was also his stop, I hope so lol). He still didn't look very dangerous and I had to explain to him how much of a bad fucking idea it was to: 1. get off at the same stop as girl alone at 4am. 2. especially if that girl is NOT interested. 3. already told you to leave her alone. He seem to understand at one point, hopefully he did. Because I don't think all young women will take the time to explain all of this to him kindly before calling the police because they are scared. Here's a few tips for those single guys out there who want to seduce a woman you don't know in a bar, a park or any other public space: - If I want to fuck you, believe me, you'll know. - Before being insistant, ask yourself as a straight dude, would I be upset if I gay man hitted on me in that way? You might think your dick is a gift, I promise it's not. - If you find someone attractive, say hi, tell them you find them attractive and leave them your number...if the feeling is mutual they'll decide if they want to call you back. And if they don't because they're too shy, well dating shy people is fucking boring anyway.

[@shmow4716]

MMD Nice throwing in that Bo Burnham quote in there, haha

[@bunnychan8885]

I’m so sorry that happened to you! I’m glad you made it out okay. Some people can get really angry and aggressive in situations like these unfortunately.

[@diegobrando2750]

I know I'm late, but how would you let them know you wanna fuck WITHOUT being creepy? I just don't see getting that point across in a legal way.

[@pastordonkoh7692]

what if they forget to call

[@Lain-404]

ContraPoints has a really good video on incels, she does a great job of talking about the issues that a lot of incels face without demeaning them.

[@jenm1]

contra has become such a capitalist shill it's hard to watch

[@unluckyone1655]

Some advice on the best place to find a partner outside of parties, bars and Tinder? Tabletop RPGs. No joke. May sound unconventional but its a great way to relax and have fun and not feel like youre on the spot. So if you game with a group, try to be open to inviting other players or go to board game night at your local gaming store.

[@gwens2463]

Yes! Roleplay has taught me that people are way more diverse than their regular persona would portray them to be. I love seeing my friends this way, they're free to explore their (underestimated) abilities in so many fields.

[@unluckyone1655]

Exactly. The sky is literally the limit when it comes to tabletop RPGs, also as long as your dm isnt a prick lol.

[@amylinscatalyst3458]

As a woman who loves to play/DM tabletop games, can I ask to please not advise gaming as a Tinder alternative? It makes for more guys at the table making the game REALLY uncomfortable with constant "in-character" flirting and seduction rolls. (Trust me, as a DM I have had to throw men out of my games because they were getting too creepy with other female players.) I get what you're going for. Games are great for meeting new people. You may even develope a romantic relationship with someone you meet, but it is not a place to actively seek a romance.

[@unluckyone1655]

@@amylinscatalyst3458 I only suggested it because there tends to be fewer people. So it does tend to be more laid back and also its easier to handle if someone steps out of line. Hell, i have been to some groups where they have a small ban list because of the stuff you mentioned. I mean it seems that incidents of bad behavior are very uncommon and isolated incidents, for the time being, but who knows these days. It really boils down to the roleplaying groups themselves and the onus is on the host/dm and regulars to make sure that newcommers are welcomed and properly integrated, if they cant do that then they should remain a closed group. Also best to limit or outright ban alcohol consumption while gaming if possible. As for game nights at stores, in my experience, its often better to go to bigger stores, simply because they tend to have more staff to watch out for bad behavior. Many smaller shops tend to... not be as friendly to women, whether they are run by THOSE type of people or THOSE type of people frequent the store itself. As much as i hate to say it but its probably best to avoid smaller geeky shops as a woman, or treat it as a get your shit n get out type of stop. I am just going off of my personal experience and i havent been on the dating scene in a while so feel free to take all this with a grain of salt

[@princesseuphemia1007]

I do medieval reenactment and I agree 100%. People hook up like crazy in the medieval scene. I think the reason for that is simple. If you have HOBBIES you will meet people with similar interests. Personally I think that just having hobbies you do as a group activity on a regular basis is way more efficient than using dating apps or going to bars. Most people using those methods are just trying to get laid, and they know everyone they talk to knows that so most people put their guard up and on the rare occasion you do hook up with someone it's more likely you both have absolutely nothing in common other than that you were both looking for sex that night or that you wanted to find a date. With hobbies there is no expectation so everyone loosens up more which leads to better chemistry, and plus you more easily meet people you're actually compatible with since you already have similar interests that you can bond over. Hobbies are the way to go.

[@TheReaperofHades]

You kidding? That Nice Guy video opened my eyes to the reality of things and made me much more of a feminist than ever before x3 so kudos for that. Also, I like to quote you whenever I share your vids. Keep up the good work!

[@lodgin]

While I agree that his nice guy video was certainly very good, it's the kind of video that isn't going to do much outside the group of people who already think like him. If you're doing something and someone argues with you like how he does in the video... could you honestly say that you'd listen? Or would you become defensive? I know I've done that in arguments before, where I've defended myself not because I know I'm right, but because they're being an asshole about it. This kind of video is much better in my opinion, it's more offering an olive branch saying: _I get it, I'm here for you, here's how to get better_

[@TheReaperofHades]

Agreed. It probably affected me because I was on the fence and not strictly on the other side at the time, and this video indeed is much better than that one.

[@Fe-go2jw]

Why would you defend an opinion when you know it's wrong? Sorry, but that sounds really unproductive. The point of a discussion is to learn and create a better understanding of the subject, not to "win".

[@lodgin]

Because the reason why discussions are effective is because both sides know that the discussion is happening in good faith. If one side is speaking with tones of sarcasm and condescension, your ability to convince someone not already on your side plummets, because all they will hear is the tone, not the content. It's just human nature to assume that someone being hostile towards you is not genuinely trying to change your mind for the better.

[@Fe-go2jw]

Personally I prefer having a discussion with a rude person who keeps to the facts over a discussion with any person who refuse to admit they are wrong. But you may have a point. I think it's interesting to understand why people cling to opinions even when they know it's wrong, and how to avoid it happening. Because I really dislike it. I admire that you recognise yourself doing this and why, so that you can tell people like me why it's happening. I can become more rude or change my tone if I experience that kind of behavior in a discussion. Because it frustrates me, and as I said I think it's very unproductive. Which in turn, I understand, will probably make the person less likely to listen. Something to think about.

[@clippychan530]

i love romance as much as the next person but feel like we've romanticized romance to an unhealthy level. it's normal to want a relationship/sex but to become obsessed with it and complain about never getting it is when it becomes an issue. having a relationship/sex shouldn't be a milestone it should be an experience where you learn more about someone else.

[@I.Am.Beezus]

I agree!

[@meganhoyal3225]

This video and some of the comments make me happy. I have had a couple guys in my life who were creeps and felt entitled to my body while I was in high school. One particular guy started to rub my leg (close to my crotch) while in a van on a youth trip. My grandma and mom were in the front and I didn't know how to get him to stop without alarming them. I had already pushed away his hand and made faces that should have said how uncomfortable I was. As an adult, I dont know why alarming my grandma and mom was a problem... but as a teen.. we were friends and I didn't want to embarrass him. So I pretended to go to sleep to see if that would get him to stop. It didnt, he just grabbed my hand and started holding it. I was so unnerved and grossed out. We weren't friends after that, but he held a grudge against me for years. He would give me dirty looks every time he saw me... at CHURCH, for years! He would give dirty looks to any guy I was with too. It was gross.. and the only reason I can give is that he felt entitled to me. So you guys saying how you have changed and regret bad choices.. makes me hopeful he has changed too. Peace

[@margicates553]

I’m so sorry that happened to you. That’s horrible 😣

[@hjones6829]

I think straight men should use experiences of gay men hitting on them as a way to better empathise with the position they may be putting women in. Like how you would feel if a huge or aggressive man came up to you and told you in graphic detail what he wanted to do to you as opposed to someone politely paying you a compliment and taking a step back from the situation to give you space. Just a thought. Also this video was so good, loving T1J content so much at the moment, being able to open this conversation in a way that is sympathetic to straight men without belittling the real impact such behaviour as is very tricky

[@happynewfears1805]

Pink Macaroon nah, it's not. It's used in a constructive context

[@hjones6829]

Yeah exactly. I prefer to see it as an exploitation of homophobia lol

[@lucgotink7045]

Happened to me a few times. But im the kinda guy who doesn't really push. In fact I'm probably too inactive towards women. Never been afraid to fight, but fuck man, I can be a real coward when it comes to women.

[@jaschabull2365]

I often find the problem with this is that if a gay man flirts with a straight man, the straight man would have a problem because his orientation and the flirter's gender are incompatible. That means that it could still be hard to be understanding in situations in which the woman they want to flirt with is straight, and thus wouldn't have a problem with it because of the man's gender.

[@Radgerayden-ist]

... But I like when it happens... Girls usually never flirt with me out of the blue so even if I don't like men I feel flattered when a dude calls me handsome in the street. Now I understand it's different because I don't get it all the time therefore it's not annoying, but it really is not the same thing.

[@RamenKitsune]

As a woman, I appreciate your work. Thank you. This is very sound advice and I hope you get through a lot of those boys who use "straight boy logic".

[@QuaseVingativa]

"I personally think people should have as much consensual sex as they want" this is such a nice and inclusive statemant I'm shook

[@Peter]

great stuff

[@emiliodiaz9153]

Cool video, T1J. I always appreciate what you have to say- always rational, thought out, and well balanced. I'm asexual, so I've never really had sexual urges or the need to express them to women. However, I have had strong romantic and emotional feelings for women, and my inability to properly express these feelings has been problematic in the past. One of my biggest problems was that I had a somewhat rational approach to love. I viewed it as a math equation- if I do x y and z, this will get the woman I'm interested in to love me. However, love doesn't quite work that way. You can be kind, smart, fit, healthy, funny, and a woman may like you, but that doesn't mean she'll love you. I had to learn that love is not entirely rational, and that there is no scientific formula to win a woman over. I also had to learn to stop looking at women as potential romantic partners. For a while, I so strongly desired a romantic relationship, that I would always look at any woman as a potential partner. However, this is just a shitty way to be, I find- it puts this high, unfair standard on women. I had to relearn how to treat women just as I would any other person, and to value friendship above romance. Long story short, I didn't quite suffer from the sexual straight dude logic you mentioned, but I still had logic that was problematic. It's good for me to hear this sort of advice. Women are people just like everyone else, and they deserve to be held to fair standards like everyone else. Sometimes our passions can blind us to that fact

[@TwentySeventhLetter]

I regrettably say that I've also made the mistake of trying to rationalize romance, and while a relationship did eventually come about as a result of it, that relationship was ultimately also destroyed by it. The silver lining is that I did indeed learn a great deal from the experience, but at an inexcusable cost.

[@CarolinaSantacruzO]

I loved your comment

[@queengoblin]

Not a straight or a dude but this was awesome! I'm not super sexual, and I've always been baffled by the behavior of straight men towards me. So hearing why men act this way has been very enlightening.

[@queengoblin]

@Katya lmao I thought I replied to myself. Hello twin 😂😂

[@bigol9223]

This isn't an accurate explanation lol

[@14104]

@kobe robertson And apparently not what you wanted it seems

[@KarelPKerezman]

Took me until my 40s to really get the knack of (mostly) avoiding acting on the Straight Dude Logic. Loved everything you said here!

[@djwikkid]

I'm so glad I found your channel and will promote it as much as I can. You're saying all the stuff I've been hearing from women for a while but so many guys need to hear this from a man's mouth (which is a problem but also a reality). Thank you for making this content!

[@MiroredImage]

I think it makes sense for people to find it easier to listen to people who relate to the same thing as them. Hearing somebody who isn't very sexual talking how to not act out sexual urges can seem condescending at worst or at best it wouldn't have that strong of an effect.

[@unitymomentum]

You're probably not a nice guy" was a good video tho

[@DavidLindes]

lacuna poltergeist: indeed. It had some flaws, though, which... I now apologize for having pointed out recently, because it seems you (t1j) are probably already aware of them. Alas, I got to that video before this one. And this one... very good stuff. Thanks for doing this work!!

[@chrisisteas]

Congratulations on the sponsor!

[@Iyana]

*Warning, kinda long comment* So I _love_ The Office, it's one of my favorite shows, if not my favorite. However, I definitely found some of Jim's behavior a little odd after a few times re-watching episodes. Specifically his constant persistence to be with Pam. Remember in *Season 2 Episode 22* when Jim confesses he's in love with her? The part where it got creepy to me, was when she was upstairs in the office telling her mom about the entire confession and how she felt about it. Jim slowly walks in behind her and kisses her, despite her turning him down minutes prior. Regardless if she secretly had feelings for him, it seems weird, at least a little bit, no? From my own experience I can agree with your comment about Michael's advice being bad. I've had to end a very very good friendship with someone before because they refused to take no as an answer and they were taking advice from people who were telling them "Don't give up" or "Just keep pushing", and this went on for two years (even while they were dating / talking to other women) it got to be too much and I eventually just cut them off. Originally I used to think what Jim was doing was totally fine, that it was sweet that he was focused on one woman and genuinely loved and cared for her. But then you kinda think about how he was a bit unfair towards other women he dated, the fact that he lead them on and refused to move on from Pam, it seemed a bit obsessive. I think we give it a pass because Jim and Pam are both generally attractive people who end up together in the end, so his persistence is very romanticized and seen as "worth it". I totally get how this is seen as romantic, but I also understand if certain parts of the show end up aging badly too. I think it's okay to go after someone you really care about, but at the same time if they say no, you need to respect that.

[@HarperPolo]

I read this and I just want to say, thank you for putting paragraph format to use!

[@Deoxys911]

When you think about Jim's actions, it's hard to believe that all those thousands of women on dating apps truly want "a Jim to [their] Pam." I'm pretty sure they'd change their tune if they ever actually got that...

[@_zoehhhhh]

i dislike jim because he claims to be in love with pam but stays silent when the other guys sexually harass her

[@pastordonkoh7692]

cool story bro

[@taisarruda4301]

So happy I found you. Thanks for giving such good and useful advices. I agree with you that mocking or being agressive to these men is usually only going to have the opposite effect, but I also understand, as a woman, how difficult it can be to keep cool and reasonable in a discussion where the other part is being so deeply ignorante. Yet I agree, talking and teaching is the best way to deal with it.

[@Galactico42]

I spent too much of my 20s acting on "straight guy logic" and thinking I was a "nice guy". So glad I was able to largely grow out of those mindsets.

[@thescowlingschnauzer]

Something I really like about this video is that T1J talks about being caught in this "straight dude logic" himself. In discourse these days there can be so much emphasis on zero tolerance that it becomes fatalistic - either you're blameless or you're a monster. There has to be room for acknowledging one's own blame and for self-reform or there won't be progress.

[@blacksheepl6420]

You are possibly one of the best KZbinrs I've come across. You can get your message across so WELL! Thank you for this video! ❤👏

[@tiny_weeb_rin5583]

This is great advice! It really freaks me out getting the same hey message, everyday (from the same guy) two months in a row. With compliments sprinkled in.

[@amandaking9527]

I’ve literally never had a stranger hitting on me come across as anything but threatening and creepy

[@pre-packaged_9692]

Did any straight guys that watched this decide after to change their behavior accordingly? You guys I think this video may have only been watched by, well, us... The people who already understood this stuff...

[@WillWatches]

I mean, any straight guy watching this either already know this or is trying his best to be empathetic and change, unfortunately the people who really need to see videos like this won’t be clicking on them

[@minervaowl8298]

Honestly true

[@nicolassieh6799]

@Samsan TheProdigy fuck dude that sucks. if anything be happy knowing the advice about women having personalities is good advice?? idk

[@pastordonkoh7692]

I watched the video and while it had some decent information the comment section is straight bashing. If not females airing their grievances with male heterosexuality it's men blaming straightness for their indiscretions. All in all toxic comment section.

[@enotsnavdier6867]

@@pastordonkoh7692 If you truly believe that, you're part of the problem

[@plaidcarogemm]

Thank you! Guys talking to other guys about this stuff really isn't done enough, and this is absolutely killer. It's straight to the point and honest without being super inflammatory or pointing fingers. Kudos to you.

[@acaeleus]

I don't know what I did in the algorithm to come across your channel, but loving it. Keep up the great content!

[@yourbuttcrack]

There were several times in this video where I thought, 'I'm really glad I'm a part of helping this guy make a living'. And I am. This video was great, and there were several jokes in it that made me laugh out loud and sounded really natural, even alongside the more serious subject. Also the clip from your old video was really interesting, cool to see how you've grown and changed in your style.

[@tamarlambert6121]

I think another thing some men might also deal with secondhand is the trauma a lot of women have dealt with which manifests itself as a disdain for masculinity in general, unable to distinguish it from its toxic form given that this is the one they have the most, or at least the most memorable (traumatic) experiences with. So maybe a lot of the men who feel like they must be held to some unrealistic standard of perfection are just those who see a lot of women with that mindset, a mindset who's origin comes from those toxic encounters. Love your content man

[@thatsrealroughbud...2394]

I don't think this is that women are "unable to distinguish masculinity in general from it's toxic form", rather, toxic masculinity is often hidden and women are playing a very high risk game trying to guess where it is and where it is not. When we "fail" to suss it out, it feels like everyone, friends, family, partners, the media all turn into Captain Hindsight and find every possible way to say "why didn't you just....", and find every way to blame us for not knowing, or not preventing the actions of some guy. I have absolutely dealt with the kinds of guys who basically had "toxic creep" signs flashing in neon above their head. Like the time I was at a bar dancing with a friend, not looking for any hook ups. A strange dude just started trying to dance up on me, and touch me without asking, clearly trying to get in between me and my friend. I literally just said "No thank you", and his reaction was to call me a bitch, shove me to the floor, and throw his beer in my face... Other times, things aren't so easy to see. Even a guy asking for directions can turn south very quickly for women, and no, it's not rare. A guy asking me for directions to a bus stop turned to him grabbing me, in broad daylight, in the middle of the city, and making lewd comments about my body, and how he knew I was underaged but "didn't look it". For some women, they don't even get out, they just get assaulted or murdered. That's the thing though, it's very difficult to suss out who is going to be toxic, they're pretty good at hiding it. The stakes are high, and if you lose, pretty much no one is going to back you up. I've literally been scolded for being sexually assaulted on a bus home from school by the bus driver for "sitting too far back in the bus", and by my own parents when I called them to come ASAP to pick me up because the group of guys who were groping me on the bus got off at my stop and are now following me home. As if I was suppose to just KNOW by getting on a bus that a group of strange guys that were going to sit near me, or start trying to talk to me were about to get violent. Women and girls know the deal. The guy is either safe, or he isn't. I'm not sorry to say that the route of taking the "assume all men are dangerous until they prove otherwise" may be hurtful for men, but it's magnitudes less hurtful than the consequences women and girls face when taking the "assume all men are not dangerous until they prove otherwise". That's not an inability to tell normal masculinity from toxic masculinity. It's just the unwillingness women have to play what sometimes amounts to Russian Roulette with men who hide toxic masculinity. A normal guy SHOULD be able to tell a girl he finds her attractive and would like to see her. Unfortunately for those 5 normal guys, the girl knows that there is one creep eager to pretend to be a "nice" normal guy to take advantage of the social pressure women face to be accommodating, and "nice" so they can violate her. As a woman, it just doesn't pay to play the odds. Unfortunately, in times like these, it's not unreasonable to ask the 5/6 normal guys to respect that and not take it as a personal insult.

[@heyitsvonage2768]

@@thatsrealroughbud...2394 Just to be clear, this is not a criticism of your choices, or any of the situations you were in, I am just curious about this... Legitimate question: Do you carry pepper-spray or a stun gun, or anything to defend yourself? And if not, why not? I understand that the physical threat of men is constant for most women, and I've always wondered why many women aren't more proactive about protecting themselves in that case. The idea that you might need that definitely sucks, but clearly the real world contains a lot of shitty people.

[@neonknight5857]

Ross wasn't upset with Joey because he took Ross's assigned and promised poon tang. Ross was upset because Ross and Joey are friends that hang out all the time. Joey dating Rachel would make Ross sad, constantly reminding him of his break up and rejection. And Joey chose to hook up with Rachel, knowing this. That's why Ross was angry with Joey.

[@Josephryanbanks]

Great work man! Promoting respect and healthy interactions and compassion, it’s inspiring and good food for thought.

[@PHemidall]

Well i think the problems is: To be sexual became a masculine gender role. When i look at communities like incels, they have this urge to get laid and having sex as central point in their lives, even when they know it's a far reality. Then i realized that the same way men feel like a failure when they are unemployed and cant provide, they think themselves as failures( or losers) when they're not sexual. The most common thing that i see is, for example, woman using be a virgin as a insult towards a male counterpart. There is a great amount of "well that guy is a loser BECAUSE he cant get laid/have a girfriend" but at the same time "i hate when John doe comes by being overly-sexual to the point of creepyness". This leads to a frustrated mindset, where some guys can't simple understand why his approach makes a girl reach for her pepper spray and others don't. Answer: They are trying to avoid a label and not actually enjoying the dynamics of relashionships, thus, making out of touch moves. I got a lot of tips by friends with active sexual life, but seems like a bunch of lies. "well there is no problem in failing with women" said the dude who can't get one week "sexless" without complaining. See, sex in not an entitlement but when the average sexual active person loses their acess to sex they get grumpy as they were entitled to that, not far from a "soft incel". So sex is not entitlement to weirdos, but since i had sex last week i can complaing about not having it? People sounds little to no convincing when they talk about "sex entitlement" because most of them complain about not having sex for 1 week, and this is a Strong weapon on "straight logic". I belive straight logic comes from these thought processes: - A man must be sexual - If a man is not sexual, he avoid all the creepiness but at the same time doesn't engage on sexual relations. - Sex became an end goal in life - Out of touch with social cues and codes, some men, armed with this ideia of non sexual = failure come to extreme Heights in order to change their own condition. if you are a man, please don't go full bananas in order to get sex/gifriend/whatever. Sex and relashionships are put on a pedestal these days, probably with some degree of reason, but it's not worthy to sacrifice your peace of mind and integrity for it. And please if someone using shady tactics managed to be "successful" , and you think it's wrong by yout own moral compass, NEVER lower yourself at that level.

[@phoebexxlouise]

They take the wrong starting point and it leads them in the wrong direction. Women have pretty good instincts about where your coming from when you're hitting on them. The best thing you can be is vulnerable, a listener, showing real interest, being a friend first, showing respect, empathizing with women to a degree. Life is not a scoreboard. Nobody deserves to know what your sexual history is, and being a virgin for years should not be a source of shame. It ain't nobody's business, and if you can own it and find a way to be proud/content despite cultural pressure, you'll be able to make decisions calmly about what you really want.

[@jaschabull2365]

"Being a virgin for years should not be a source of shame. If you can own it and find a way to be proud/content despite cultural pressure, you'll be able to make decisions calmly about what you really want." As Heimdall's post pointed out, that's a pretty big 'if', because people make being a virgin for years out to be a source of shame (mostly for men, as it's often assumed a man is a virgin because he found no one who wanted him, whereas a woman is a virgin because she found no one she wanted). You're right that it probably shouldn't, though. It seems like quite an uphill battle to get to that point, seeing as natural selection itself is basically determined by who gets to mate or not, so not being wanted as a mate is tantamount to being damned to extinction.

[@blazmatic1216]

thank you, you actually talked to me unlike the video..... thank you....

[@eagerturtle4791]

Only watched a few minutes so far but you seem awesome. Your arguments seem very well thought out and you add humour to your videos too. You also seem to have a really chill personality which is awesome. I'm a gay dude who probably isn't your target audience, but you've earnt yourself a subscriber!

[@SpartanBannana]

Hey man great video. I'm currently in a serious relationship with an amazing girl and this has been a real problem for me. I didn't have a lot of relationships growing up and there's a lot of stuff in society that really makes me feel like that has a substantial effect on my self-worth. I know that's not the case but it really gets in my head sometimes. This video really articulated a lot of thoughts I've had very well, thank you.

[@DrNerdLove]

Woah, thanks for the shout-out!

[@collapsingwavefunction_.3356]

T1J, you're entitled to your own opinion, but not your own facts. So I am pausing this video to say, objectively, that "You're Probably Not a Nice Guy", is a great video!

[@Sarnican]

Damn man. You are killing it with your presentation and you definitely have a natural charisma. Great topic and very inspiring.

[@thomasrosebrough9062]

What an awesome video. Mature but approachable. Casual yet direct and firm. Feels so good to see someone bringing others up instead of bashing them from above.

[@doodle7342]

And that's on being able to call yourself out. Thank you for recognizing when you may have slipped up. I really enjoy this video and I think you did a really good job talking about this tricky subject.

[@DannyBlack]

i found your channel from your blog about the disabling the ratings... i love that idea... i feel like i want to bring it to my channel, not because im getting trolled but because you are right, its being miss used and i would rather focus on other things than what the 👍👎 means... new sub here :)

[@bergrritothebeggoon]

Video: straight dude logic Me, a gay girl: heho click

[@chgunnproductions]

This is a lovely video. Thank you for presenting this perspective in a way that is approachable for straight dudes. It helps the rest of us out immensely.

[@kcoup1626]

I just want to thank you for your honesty and being willing to be vulnerable about this topic. You are setting a good example for straight men and as a woman I appreciate it.

[@thefilthyheathen]

I tried to guess what you bleeped, and it looked like "Kiss 'em on the boobies," and i lol'd.

[@thefilthyheathen]

2nd bleep. no clue. Excellent piece. Sharing.

[@CarsonZXY]

@@thefilthyheathen dude... it's obviously "grab 'email by the p****y"

[@yltraviole]

Aww. "kiss 'em on the boobies" sounds almost wholesome. Like a twelve-year-old's idea of what sex is.

[@jayox5596]

I thought it was 'Eat the booty like groceries.'

[@safiamerali5400]

This video is amazing. I stumbled across your video on colourism and I’ve binge watched at least 5 others because you are so well-spoken, eloquent, and your ability to make difficult topics palatable for the average person astounds me!

[@lascurettes]

You’re doing great work. Keep it up. I’m glad to have been introduced to you via the dreaded algorithm. I love your heart, your mind, and your ability to communicate clearly. The world could use a lot more men with your qualities.

[@mwva13]

This is the first you your videos I have seen. I wish I had access to conversation like this when I was a teen. Thanks for putting this out there.

[@sofiem7348]

As a woman I really appreciate this, alot. Thank you

[@moodslang21]

My most recent experience with this was awful. I was walking down the street and a man walks past me and gets my attention to take off my headphones. He then proceeded to ask, "how old are you baby girl?" I responded, "Why?" He goes, "You must be at least 18. You're looking good." and checks me out head to toe. I then yelled at him to stop treating women like objects. He got angry and said he was just complimenting me. I walked away yelling DONT DO IT over and over. I was in tears at the end of it. It happened on a busy street and I wondered if anyone heard the confrontation. I actually felt really proud of myself for speaking up. Usually when men behave this way it just catches me off guard and I walk away uncomfortably. That occurence was worse than usual but those sorts of things are NOT uncommon. Thanks for being a voice! It makes me feel relieved, and a little bit safer to see you making this content and it getting so many views.

[@GoddoDoggo]

Good job sticking up for yourself, but in the future you may want to work on avoiding getting worked up (especially to the point of tears, stress is never good). Also realize, from his point of view he's not treating you like an object, he thinks he's genuinely complimenting you. It may be more helpful to explain why you don't see it as a compliment rather than expecting him to know that and yelling at him. In my case, I brush off that kind of thing with humor. When guys have approached me on the street, especially when I was younger, I'd lie and say I was underage or "jailbait" or that my dad was a cop, and do it in a way to _really_ freak them out. Mostly because it was funny, but it also taught them a lesson to be more careful about what they say.

[@kurlykayla9013]

@@GoddoDoggo I have to somewhat disagree. I understand that straight guys have their own perspective, but they're also not completely divorced and isolated from other perspectives. Especially not these days. Their behavior isn't solely involuntarily or a result of genuine ignorance. The decision to get a woman to stop short what she's doing and be the recipient of unwanted sexual comments is a self aware choice. The problem isn't that he doesn't know that this choice probably isn't the best one to make, but rather that he point blank doesn't care. Entitlement to women's time and bodies is a huge factor in how many of these guys think and behave.

[@sonorasgirl]

Thank you!!! I’ve struggled sometimes communicating when being flirted with is fine and when it’s not, and this put it eloquently. Also thanks for the honesty and vulnerability about creepy thoughts - we’re all socialized badly, and I appreciate you being willing to own and change that. Cheers!

[@colleenm6868]

I found your channel recently and it's kind of a breath of fresh air. Thank you.

[@AlexisTwoLastNames]

i am a heavily depressed person feeling a little bit forgotten by my loved ones, and what you said around 8:30 may not be directed at me or people in my situation, but it gives me a sense of "yknow what, they don't HAVE to show me love. IIIIIIII can show me love" followed with a slightly spiteful hmph, but a new will to find self-love, which i have been SORELY lacking these past several days, months, years.

[@brianajaxwintor6023]

I hate friends so much

[@celery8059]

Who hurt you

[@WreathStorm]

Uhh. Same! Idk why so many people seem to like it so much. I only like the opening theme song.

[@nicolassieh6799]

ok

[@lookingforsanjunipero4542]

"As usual, I tend to think in terms of old sitcoms.." _Same, mate. Same._ 😂 Another fantastic video! Well done 😊

[@joshchon1153]

I would like to thank you, I just got to this video and just watch it and honestly there’s a lot I need to do for me to better myself for the current society but I’m glad you are one of the first to help realize my mistakes

[@JackgarPrime]

I know you disable the like bar, but I still can't help but get myself to click the button. Especially since you brought up DrNerdlove.

[@WiseAssGamer]

Great video, I think in my 40 years of life, I’ve found myself falling for that trap a few times. I’m what one would call a straight, white male, (who happens to be a person with learning disabilities). So in my life, anytime I did receive a rejection from a nice young lady, I would wonder if it was all superficial like that and not seeing me the person, I would think am I being viewed as some kind of monster. In terms of disabilities, it doesn’t 100% outwardly show, but what about someone where it does. Again great video. I’d write more but I got to run.

[@misskitkatchoc]

This is a great video, and it triggered a memory from a few weeks ago. My female friend and I were catching a train home pretty late at night, and when we got on the train it was decently full. We chatted away along the trip and didn't notice the carriage slowly emptying. My stop came along and I got off the train, and as I stood up I realised I was leaving my friend on the train alone with just one other dude. I didn't say anything in front of him, but decided I'd text her as soon as I stepped off the train, just to reassure her that I'd noticed and she could let me know if anything weird happened. But I didn't need to, because as the train started pulling away I noticed the guy got up and moved away from her, clearly just to make her feel more comfortable. Now that guy didn't need to do that, but he did it so that my friend would feel safe and I truly appreciate it. It's a super kind gesture, and obviously he was a good guy who would never do anything to hurt her, but the fact he was considerate and aware enough to make that choice really impressed and moved me. Thank you kind man on the train, you're a good egg.

[@catsimmons790]

Spectacularly articulated, thank you, @T1J!

[@highpriestofzuul8921]

I feel like I've been practicing not being creepy every day for... 34 years now. May not have gotten the hang of it, but I'm still trying.

[@singingstar8090]

A+++++ video. Very compassionate and understanding to intended audience, speaking to others with privilege rather than trying to speak to those with less, and very extensive in the pitfalls of romance and sex and masculinity.

[@singingstar8090]

@kobe robertson I don't think we watched the same video but I appreciate you sharing your opinion.

[@juliakolotylo3688]

Great video, really helped me understand men a bit better (which I find myself struggling with).

[@c4burger]

Ayyy, the quality of your content has gone up a lot man. Proud of you. Been with you since since 2012.