STUDY: How Men & Women Feel About Themselves AFTER An Affair

A study reveals that while men suffer adverse mental consequences from cheating on their partners, women experience a boost in self-esteem and life satisfaction. Ana Kasparian and Cenk Uygur discuss on The Young Turks. Watch TYT LIVE on weekdays 6-8 pm ET. kzbin.infolive
Read more HERE: www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/affai...
"Having an affair tends to benefit married women more than men, according to a new study into how adultery affects each gender.
Research found that women who cheat are more likely to experience a boost in wellbeing, with greater self-esteem and life satisfaction.
However, the team, based at the Tilburg University in the Netherlands, discovered after analysing the marital lives of just under a thousand people that men tended to suffer after straying.
They looked at the relationships of 947 German adults over a 12-year period, with 609 being involved in an affair and 338 having been cheated on."
***
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221117__TB04_Study_Shows_Having_Affairs

[@brantorrence6490]

I begged my wife to go to couples therapy, I gave her attention, I adored her, I made changes to myself. She constantly cheated. Not everyone that cheats is "driven" to it. Some people are just dogs, plain and simple

[@uncomfortabletruth5915]

Well Ana had to make excuses for woman feeling good about betraying their SO. Oh well we all have biases

[@djangomarine6658]

No one's driven to cheat. People cheat because they wanted to cheat. Women are just good at minimizing the unflattering things they do and guys are dumb enough to eat up the B.S. Sorry that happened to you, hope you're healing.

[@MrRichard2467]

Remember that. You said "people". People can suck. End of comment.

[@charlidog2]

@@djangomarine6658 A man's tendency to cheat is directly proportional to their attractiveness to prospective mates. Lol.

[@charlidog2]

Dude, life is short. Very short. Too short to go through it being miserable. Move on from your source of misery and never look back.

[@BlondeManNoName]

Betrayal damages you psychologically very badly. It is literally the worst feelings ever.

[@IngramSnake]

Unless you’re a woman who cheated apparently

[@darkspace5762]

Tell that to Ana. Ana is extremely ditzy.

[@Kloutkulture]

Women always make up that BS excuse. I had an ex who was a habitual cheater. I finally dumped her. This was a decade ago. She ended up chasing me and asking for forgiveness through multiple relationships of mine. 10 years later, we finally talk and she admits she was just lacking in morals and wanting to have “fun”. She apologized. I responded, “that’s been so long ago I forgot about it and you” then I said I had to go. Don’t let shitty people try and apologize their way back into your life. Let em live with that regret.

[@Kloutkulture]

And before you assume because that was a generalizing comment…. I don’t think all women behave in such a shitty manner. I have met women with morals and standards too (your mom). I just don’t like how society turns into apologetics when it comes to women’s shitty behavior to men on a dating level.

[@DeadMan_W]

women are sociopaths

[@DizzyKittay]

@@Kloutkulture I feel you! I'm a super romantic idealistic woman and I really feel that today's dating culture has really hurt people like me. Men are jaded and less committal because they fear being hurt. I think they should take their time getting to know women and not get into something based on attraction alone. Make sure she's the real deal.

[@Kloutkulture]

@@DizzyKittay facts dizzy

[@Kloutkulture]

@FUNKALICIOUS Music SMD

[@EvanLovesWhiskey]

Cheating in any relationship is a chicken shit move and people need to really listen and communicate in any kind of intimate relationship when these thoughts become closer to reality so it's not just more pain on someone who was still committed

[@giakurstenschweizer73]

My mother’s side of the family is from Italy which is still very patriarchal. But anyway, she’s the only daughter with five older brothers. Most of them were notorious for their extramarital affairs and often very non-apologetic. To this day both men and women in the family dismissed or excused the behavior by blame shifting it on to their wives for, in some way or another, being inadequate ie not providing their husbands with enough sex, getting fat, getting old, being too successful professionally, being bad cooks… Well anyway, my mother, the most well behaved good Catholic woman, after 18 years of marriage, shocks the ENTIRE family by having an affair with a contractor working on home improvements while she was still married to my father. The vile expletives coming from non-other than her cheater brothers didn’t stop… Years and years later, when I was emotionally ready, I had a conversation with my mother. I learned some insight about what drove her to her choices. Apparently she internalized a lot of the extremely over-the-top unrealistic expectations that married women were expected to do in order to be worthy of their husband’s fidelity. Looking back, my mother had behaviors of disordered eating and over exercising. My mother spent a fortune on her outward appearance, kept our home immaculate, ran a successful business but had everything in my father’s name to give him full credit… And after 18 years, my father didn’t provide much affection, he dressed like a slob, he hardly worked and the few times that he did, he was rude to customers, he hardly parented (that’s true. he stayed mostly in his study was away on holiday while I was growing up) and my mother thought his indifference to her was somehow HER fault for NOT being enough. Here this contractor sees this charming, intelligent, and breathtakingly beautiful woman and becomes smitten with her such that he flirts. This threw my mother into whirlwind of conflicting emotions and awakens an “Ah Ha!” moment of “Maybe it’s NOT me after all. Maybe…it’s my husband who is the inadequate one…” Anyway, she was compelled to explore this infidelity and it confirmed her hypothesis. She IS a highly desirable partner! Anyway…her brothers cheated on their wives from a place of selfish narcissism. It’s all about how their wives don’t fulfill their expectations without any self reflection on what they bring to the marriage other than money. My mother did nothing but put everyone else first. Often to her own self harm. My father treated her and his children like we were always bothering him and he needed so much alone time. My mother’s cheating was about giving herself something that was denied for 18 years. A carveout of happiness. Yes, her self esteem did improve so much from that experience. To conclude, I don’t want to say that a double standard is fair or correct. I’m absolutely certain that men have marriages where their wives neglect their needs or put unfair masculinity standards… Yes, human behavior is so complicated. My opinion of the above study is biased as my opinion is informed deeply based on my own family experiences, but I remain intellectually honest enough to admit that there’s always an equally anecdotal example of the opposite. All things being equal, cheating is fundamentally wrong, but it doesn’t on it’s own make the cheater a monster. Intent and circumstance matter. If one party cheats because he/she/they want to “punish” their spouse or DP for not living up to an unreasonable high expectation, then that’s emotional abuse - especially if the spouse or DP must put up with that behavior because they are financially dependent or share children with their cheating partner. vs A situation where an emotionally and physically neglected partner seeks a temporary escape and validation outside of the marriage. Here we are talking about loneliness and estrangement from problems within the marriage itself.

[@mikeb5664]

Anyone who cheats on anyone deserves to be alone.

[@crobinson2624]

Just be honest, if you wanna see other people or look for ways to improve your sex life then tell your partner. If being with someone else is the only way for you to be happy then end the relationship.

[@darkpark6531]

I recommend getting together with like-minded couples and doing group, things like that. With a big asterisk though: only if everybody involved trusts each other and is mature enough to handle it.

[@askew9976]

We make our own happiness. Don’t put that responsibility in another’s hands. We lose every time.

[@hernandayolearyallda]

Or you can ask your so if they let you see others.

[@askew9976]

@@hernandayolearyallda eww!

[@88happiness]

I kind of agree with Cenk. I grew up in a society that is very angry with 'lying, cheating men'. They've had the guilt of their gender ground into them since they were small, like I had the anger ground into me. I'm surprised they have any self-esteem.

[@Tessmage_Tessera]

It's the "all men are pigs" mentality.

[@mk.........]

Before I met my wife I was in a long relationship and at one point I found out that she cheated on me again and again. I did not confront her and then cheated on her again and again. Neither did I admit it nor did I try to hide it somehow. One day she told me that she knew I was cheating on her. I told her that I also knew about her. She didn't deny it any more than I did, but she was disappointed that I didn't fight for her and that she expected me to confront her lovers. I replied that my lovers would not like it if I talked bad to other guys about my ex-girlfriend. Before she left me she asked me if the other women were better than her and I answered that they still are.

[@sensualeye]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@starshake8998]

DAMN. 😳 Respect.

[@Seancarter2010]

Congrats

[@DizzyKittay]

I certainly hope you don't get into any more toxic relationships and at the same time yourself don't devolve into toxic behavior. Believe that life can be better.

[@legendaryfuze6738]

Anna got way too excited about this and I don't like it.

[@aprilroston3608]

There's never a reason to cheat. If there is a reason to cheat, then there's a reason to leave. If you're trying to hurt someone, leaving them is the ultimate! Save yourself, and your reputation, and Just leave! While it might feel good in the moment, and maybe a little bit after, it will come back to haunt you some kind of way.

[@dtowns28]

You dont have a reason to cheat. Its just done, men like sex. peroid and thats just what it is sex... nothing more nothing less. WHAM BAM TY MAM, and keep it moving, women make a big super deal about cheating bc they know when they do its more than just sex, its feeligs... emotions... and all that... but in reality for most men ,,,nah they dont care about feelings and stuff they just want them goodies. So is it CHEATING IF YOU HAVE AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP?

[@thad3229]

100% agree. If you feel the urge to cheat, then the relationship is not at a healthy place. If you want to screw someone else that bad, then it is best to end the relationship and do some self reflection.

[@ariesgirl9592]

@@dtowns28 if that's how you see it, then you shouldn't commit to anyone. It wouldn't be fair to the other person.

[@dtowns28]

@@ariesgirl9592 what does committed really means? You can be committed to each other and have an open relationship. It’s more or less how you view the word “committed”

[@ariesgirl9592]

@@dtowns28 to me committed means exclusive when it comes to relationships. In my opinion, I'm not totally committed to someone if a side piece has access to the same attention my man would get.

[@rodneynoble6046]

Because women are given the benefit of doubt when caught cheating. Its always assumed she was "driven" to it. But its never ok for a man to do it, no excuse "you should have left her". Heck, most romance films begin with the female protagonist already in a relationship anyway.

[@dennisanderson7034]

I've been cheated on, never cheated. I feel bad for having dreams of infidelity. I just can't do it.

[@sueellen7]

IMO it’s not about feeling guilty for having sex with someone outside your marriage, it’s about breaking a promise. If you don’t make that promise then do what you want. It’s about what your words worth.

[@djangomarine6658]

Right. So why did the study show that women feel better about themselves after breaking the promise? That. Is. Weird. Can some lady fill me in on that because that sounds sociopathic. What am I missing?

[@HeadOnAStick]

@@djangomarine6658 I'm not a lady but I think I can explain. Ana misread what the study said at 2:40. It said male victims felt better about the relationship after being cheated on. (She read it as male perpetrators feel better about the relationship after "the event") My guess is that male victims probably felt better about the relationship because the women came back to them (so they "won"), and the women were easier on the guy because they got some needs or desires met. And the women felt better about themselves because they were able to feel desired by more than one man meanwhile the guy they're in a relationship with feels better about the relationship, so no guilt.

[@sueellen7]

@@djangomarine6658 I said it was my opinion. It had nothing to do with the study

[@palomavega6494]

If you feel great after cheating it's because either your partner is terrible for you or because you are a narcissist. So, either more women are narcissists or more women have terrible partners.

[@davidhand9721]

It's actually all really very simple. There are no true generalizations about human relationships, romantic or otherwise. Everybody here trying to say "women do this, men do that" or "it is/isn't the woman's/man's fault" is wrong. If your partner expects monogamy and you cheat, then you don't care about them. You should still do them the courtesy of ending the relationship beforehand.

[@Jalafian]

Cheating on either side is trash. End of story.

[@Dr.Smackadoo]

She’s so excited and happy about this. Really says a lot about her.

[@Tessmage_Tessera]

It says she enjoys talking about matters of intimacy.

[@jankowalski6338]

@FUNKALICIOUS Music nobody is denying that women are evil

[@jankowalski6338]

@@RobPerreault reporter? Lol. You made my day

[@Comeback180]

Cheating isn't a mistake or excuse, if you put yourself near a human being and cheat on them, you can't use it as a mistake. You can have a conversation about your needs not being met, go to couples therapy, break up or divorce no need to cheat on your partner.

[@wanabisufi8843]

I'm pleasantly surprised Cenk pushed back against Ana's defense of degeneracy.

[@SymphonicDevourer]

If you are supposed to be loyal. It debases you to cheat. It means that you aren't worthy of the relationship that you are ruining. There is no excuse to cheat. If you are dissatisfied with your relationship, you should either leave or talk to your partner. If you cheat, no matter what happened in the relationship, you are in the wrong.

[@JD-FIES]

yup

[@idakev]

If it's just normal relationship issues, then yeah but ... if there's some sort of abuse or violence going on in the relationship, I don't think someone should be blamed for cheating at all. Best not speak in absolutes.

[@dreamcatcher6164]

Adultery. Its called adultery...

[@CaptainCologne]

Why be so giddy about women not having any conscience about cheating?

[@randallholloway8686]

My friend got cheated on by his girl of 6+ yrs. He, victim, felt terrible. She, benefactor, felt great. She should and does know everyone who knew her thinks she's a POS. I know personal stuff and I think I get generic stuff; this study proves women moreso than men, feel better about themselves after being pieces of shit 😅 ... Duh imo

[@richardramfire3971]

They feel justified in their actions.

[@hillarnold7575]

Cenk is 100 PERCENT correct. And the long term trauma men (and women) who have to pretend to power through, while holding all of that emotional damage inside, is tremendous.

[@rolandolaserie6935]

The way Anna smiles after saying women don't feel remorse after an affair. 🤔

[@tonytooshort]

She giggled. Smiling is part of giggling. Don't read too into things pal. That's what got ppl really believing JFK was going to magically rise from the dead and meet them in Dallas on a random Tuesday afternoon.

[@Dsworddance22]

Sus

[@thekemplarfiles]

Why arent you surprised!? Shes a liberal 😂

[@D3RRICKG]

Yeah if I was her guy I'd be side eyeing her after this segment 🤣🤣🤣

[@darkdan3379]

@@tonytooshort in my opinion some have to understand women wander, when I was single I would chat with women some were legitimate and some where jumping the fence. Denial is a mofo...

[@darnalsmith3716]

Thanks for sticking up for us Cenk👍

[@elram2649]

None of these cheating stuff is to be celebrated, honestly. It's terrible behavior.😞

[@codbdup88]

If your not happy then end the relationship. Cheating is bad but ppl like to justify the action. You shouldn’t feel good about cheating.

[@bruceleeroy8302]

I usually agree with Ana but I am starting to go back to my redpill hearing her response to this. I know men who cheat usually have a gazillion options (which most men do not) and women can give it up any time no matter what she looks like.

[@NicoleDumont]

I’m not sure I agree that it’s so different nowadays for women. A friend of mine was shot by her husband recently before he turned the gun on himself. Thankfully, she survived. But the number of people both in her life and on social media who believe she deserved it (or deserved to die) because she cheated is incredibly overwhelming. And disheartening. I generally don’t see anyone say a cheating husband deserves violence or death.

[@nicolem0131]

Wow sorry to hear that that's horrifying! My dads best friends sister was stabbed to death a couple years ago by her husband after he found out she was talking to some guy online. They were together for 20 years, had 3 beautiful kids together, and that psycho still didn't care. 😔 thank god he's rotting in jail rn

[@NicoleDumont]

@@TheTattleTaleStrangler proving my point.

[@eddieduffy4514]

Man cheat=Bad man!! Woman cheat=Bad man make me!!

[@wiseballs]

Anna seems like she thinks it is cute or something. She's a little too happy about this story. When people do shitty things, they should feel bad about it unless they are just a turd of a person. People being happy for doing something terrible and betraying the trust of their partner is not cute or funny, regardless of their sex.

[@cymbelinebritain6799]

Cheating is wrong.. full stop, but Ana is right in that this is a study about the psychological effects on women as opposed to men when they do cheat. It's not excusing the behavior.

[@noel1512]

What’s Ana's point? So it's more acceptable for a woman to cheat than a man? That seems very biased. And I feel pointing that out will also make me look insecure to the most insecure person who wants not see the flaw in that. Also, Ana was the person I remember last week talking about man’s mental health; what happened to that?

[@jimmyramen]

It’s pretty simple. An emotionally mature adult can first, communicate their dissatisfaction in a relationship. If that isn’t properly addressed, leave said relationship. Your pleasure and life being short is no excuse for the extreme betrayal of cheating on someone who loves you. Societal history is no excuse for the profoundly selfish act. Just leave, then act on your desires. That will still hurt your partner but at least it’s honest and doesn’t shred their soul in that most insidious way.

[@RuleofFive]

Well said.

[@ariesgirl9592]

Cheating is wrong! I don't care who does it!

[@immortalsofar5314]

My ex had a rebound self-esteem going on. When I said that destroying our 16-year relationship was an unmitigated disaster, she replied that it wasn't because "I had a good time." That really doesn't help.

[@KingAlxndor]

This has everything to do with how society praises women while demonizing men for infidelity

[@StarFighters76]

And the double standards between men and women don't stop there I'm afraid. So I'd say shame women all you want, if they want to shame men.

[@IngramSnake]

I’m a progressive and I agree.

[@helixmoore7636]

What a load of crap

[@icmann4296]

You might be right, but it's only part of the story. Today's society has double standards against men and women, and I think you'd have your work cut out for you to gather sufficient eveidence that men have it worse. I don't blame women for their little dose of schadenfreude now and again when a double standard of society breaks their way when most don't. There are MANY women alive today who could not get a bank account without their father's or husband's permission when they were younger. In some places doctors won't perform certain elective procedures on women without spousal consent. That men are vilified more for extramarital affairs is hardly comparable. I'm not saying it's right to have these double standards. I AM telling men to stop being such whiney bitches about trivialities. When adult men are prevented from getting bank accounts or having medical procedures without their mother's or wife's permission, then you get to complain. THEN the gender discrimination would be equivalent.

[@statsy7979]

This is why marriage is dying. It’s women killing it not men.

[@RuleofFive]

If you feel that your needs aren't being met by your partner then end the relationship so you can both move on.

[@protosoul14]

I'm with cenk on that. Its bullshit how women get off scott free and men are treated like shit

[@AuntieFa]

Scot-free? In what world? Women are crucified just for having sex, let alone having sex with someone else while married.

[@smoothbeak]

Very interesting that Anna smiles about the cheating on a partner thing, I think her husband should look out ;)

[@matthewcarter1973]

Oh she deff cheats lol. Its no way her and John not smashing.

[@DeadMan_W]

@@matthewcarter1973 john is not her type. sh will just find some other latino looking guy in LA. Dime a dozen

[@matthewcarter1973]

@@DeadMan_W i get what you saying but you see the way he interacts with her compared to the way Cenk interacts with her. Like he bends over backwards for her to try n match her opinion, always fake laughing at all her usually unfunny jokes, obviously trying sooo hard to be funny wit the kinda dry humor that she likes, n all of the lowkey complimenting. I agree he doesnt seem like her usual type but the fact that I thought they were a couple initially is the catch. Either he simping or he smashing.

[@DeadMan_W]

@@matthewcarter1973 100% simp

[@matthewcarter1973]

@@DeadMan_W lol well that's just sad

[@weston.weston]

I appreciate Cenks sober commentary here. I am also not a fan of any infidelity, it is dishonest behavior. To my knowledge, I have never been cheated on but I still don't brush it off.

[@whafrog]

Gotta go with Cenk's larger point...how we feel about these things is often determined by culture. "Boys will be boys" was the common excuse for millennia, but post-gen-X maybe this is getting flipped.

[@djangomarine6658]

Maybe? If we're gotten to the point where women feel happier after cheating, and even feel better about themselves after cheating, I think we've severely overcorrected.

[@icmann4296]

I reserve the right to judge someone for doing something that hurts others when they don't have a damn good reason, and "it's in my nature" is not even a half-decent reason. If we're going to let people off the hook for their actions when "it's in their nature", I guess we have to let serial killers and pedophiles off the hook too - it's just in their nature, after all. And before a bunch of low-IQ morons start howling that my examples are ridiculous, of course they are. But they illustrate the point perfectly. "It's in my nature" is NEVER an excuse for anti-social behaviour. Period.

[@ldy2hzlft1111]

Ppl judged me for my husband having an affair. Apparently I wasnt giving him intercourse. Shyte! we did it at least 3 times a week! Eff them!

[@taterthot99]

everyone please just stop cheating on their partners, is that so hard to ask for?

[@bluejava9397]

Or we could just embrace non-monogamous relationships 🤷‍♀️

[@taterthot99]

@@bluejava9397 not for me, but if that’s your thing go for it.

[@dtowns28]

@@taterthot99 that could be very simple or it could be very hard. What if your relationship is 100 percent great. Every aspect of your realtionship is going as planned. The caveat here is that you have sex 1 time a week and you think that is great. But your partner wants sex at least 3 times a week. You think that everything is good. So is it wrong for them to go have just sex and your relationship go on as planned and ur both happy, or is it wrong for them to end the realtionship because they are not happy bc they want more sex and you dont. Is it ok for you to be happy and they are not? life is not just BLACK and WHITE anymore... the GREY area has gotten bigger. What do u think?

[@taterthot99]

@@dtowns28 my answer is don’t step outside the bounds of our relationship without me knowing. if you’re unsatisfied, speak up. nonmonogamy is not appealing to me, and that’s my stance.

[@ghenghiskha8240]

No I want to bang hotwifes.

[@taywimz]

As a guy who's been cheated on unjustly, this kinda made me wanna throw up and die.

[@cheatcodes1407]

I love anna’s takes on most things but this ain’t one of them. She’s forcing me to side with the red pill community on this topic

[@wfyfwfyf]

Cheat codes? Ironic 😂

[@cfgp]

is that why women are always suspicious of their partner cheating? it's projection... it seems that men need to be the suspicious ones, because their partners are the one cheating without any problems...

[@samc.3833]

Uh, cheating happens because of 2 things, no love for the significant other or no love (lust) from the significant other. No matter what, break up or divorce before you cheat. It's not considered cheating when there's no relationship. Simple.

[@JD-FIES]

People cheat because they have emotional problems and are looking for external validation.

[@chrish564]

We are polyamorous, no hiding, lying, or cheating. Everyone informed and supported.

[@roscodoggo7456]

Dude, we're not debating how society treats the cheater. The research was about the why. Women usually cheat because of being unhappy in the relationship. Men usually cheat because we got to looking at the menu and had to get a taste. Society cheats all the time. Accept that relationships are hard work, things change over time, and sometimes the relationship has ran it's course. Move on, and be happy

[@BigKandRtv]

Or, stop setting the standard that makes no sense. Think about the most enjoyable person you've ever been in a relationship with. Is sexual infidelity a big enough deal to render that relationship over?

[@roscodoggo7456]

@@BigKandRtv Depends on who you are. I'm not setting any standards, I'm just speaking on the difference between men and women psychologically. Once you figure that then you can start to understand how things are handled emotionally and mentally.

[@ChrisJohnson-pc3pd]

i got all the information I needed from this piece after the first 18 seconds.

[@flagondragon8267]

Either be in a monogamous relationship, or don't.

[@ronque23]

Study: women benefit more from external validation. Color me shocked.

[@mikkivi4684]

Dont know if I agree with your statement or I like your Sho Nuff picture....

[@oldishandwoke-ish1181]

Said all the men who joined the alt-right and post on the manosphere ......

[@BigKandRtv]

Men do too. Color me shocked.

[@DishonestTrack6]

I'm with Cenk on this one.

[@Nattydaddy4ever]

I really found Ana annoying in this. I feel bad for her significant other. 🤦🏻‍♂️

[@scottmyers10]

Anna, you failed to notice the second part is not about the perpetrator. What it is saying is that women feel better after having an affair while men feel worse, and men feel better after being the victim of an affair while women feel worse.

[@trinsit]

8:18 you cheating on me means I'M the one that needs to change and make things better? I'm sure that sounded better in your head. Just end it.

[@davidbrock2450]

One "Sterio type" statement I have found to be very close to reality in my 58yrs of life is. "Women have already decided the reationship is over 6 months before they tell their partner". This could explain why woman feel better about themselves after an affair. BUT, as a man when I noticed my partner was upset and I asked what's wrong the usual reply was "nothing". Now I knew she wasn't being honest if I pushed her to answer a fight would insue.... So after this hapens repeatedly I just let it drop. I'm not a mind reader, if you (women) don't tell me what's wrong how can I fix it? I'm sorry, but I'm not a mind reader. If I don't know why you are upset then I can't fix it.

[@jrenee3550]

If she was comfortable communicating with you and felt like you listend and gave a shit, her answer wouldn't be "nothing"

[@roberthunter6927]

Culture and religion make this so much worse than it should be. The biggest failing here is the cheating-the dishonesty, not the sexual acts. Is it realistic to imagine that you can be constantly sexually attracted to the same person for- maybe 60 years- of marriage? No doubt some people can, but I am sceptical. Yet religion and society push the "sexually faithful" thing hard. A more honest approach would be agree to the reality that from time to time, people [both men and women] could benefit from a little sexual variation. There could be rules like using condoms to control disease, what should be the mutually agreed policy in terms of an accidental pregnancy and so on. Most newly weds are not virgins in any case, so what is the harm if there is total honesty and no pressure involved? No, most religions think of sex in terms of dirt, or sin, which is insane. Only religion can give you permission to "bang" someone? Come on! Surely consent should come from all the people involved, not some imaginary sky-daddy. The celibacy outside of marriage and sexual exclusiveness within marriage sets people up to fail. Marriage is, [or can be] the one true haven where trust is a reality. Throwing away a basically sound marriage because of stone-age ideas of partnership is probably unwise. Marriage was originally about owning the women as chattels, and in some cases, that is even true today. As far as I now, it is only women that are murdered via so-called "honour-killings". The whole purpose of most religions is to divert loyalty and love from family up to the deity. Thus women became chattels, and Yahweh demanded that Abe murder his own son to prove loyalty. The warlord god and his male warriors.

[@resourcedragon]

As you said, attitudes and behaviour are affected by what is portrayed in the media. You also said that this study was German. That makes me wonder if you would get completely different results if you carried it out in different countries - or even in the same country at different times.

[@dharmachile999]

As soon as I heard the word, "German," I thought the results could not be applied to any other society. The German attitude, both women and men, is very different than, at least, Americans.

[@MisterE1000]

Cenk is right. I'm finally at peace after watching TYT.

[@marko5631]

Go your own way guys. You'll be happier.

[@davidbrock2450]

Life is too short to not be happy. If your not happy then end it.... But as "men are geneticially predesposed to spread their seed" , "Women are nesters and won't end a relationship till they have had time to prepare for the end and get their "duks" in a row so when they end their relationship they already have a plan to move on... Men just don't think that way. I'm not lacing blame just going on what other studies have shown.

[@Mr_Timi1]

I see Cenk's point people are influenced heavily by pop culture and we have had a cultural shift in this country. Women in popular culture are empowered by their infidelity and men are shamed. Based on the shift in popular culture it's no wonder women feel more self satisfaction when they cheat and then they want to move on. BTW don't cheat, even if someone does it to you first it doesn't make you even, it makes you into a cheater. Break up then move on.... That doesn't mean find someone better so you break up to be with the new person because that's the same thing as cheating... If your not satisfied in your current relationship move on, then look for someone else. It's not fair to your partner no matter who you are.

[@natashaa43]

I think the point is, when (some) women cheat they HAVE emotionally moved on but when men cheat they have not. So telling a man to break up first will rarely happen, men might change their ways if caught, but unless they have emotionally invested in someone else entirely, they won't leave a marriage to be single, whereas women would often prefer to be single than with a cheater.

[@Mr_Timi1]

@@natashaa43 I'm not specifically telling men anything, I have two parts in this post one part I'm pointing out the cultural shift and the other part I'm discussing my opinions on relationships. I don't care if someone has emotionally moved on, what matters is did they leave the relationship? if they have, that's great, if they haven't they should do that instead of becoming a cheater, men or women.

[@natashaa43]

Men and women have affairs for different reasons, that's why the resulting effects vary so wildly.

[@oldsesalt8496]

Don't cheat. Leave. I did. p.s. My ex-wife found someone who would put up with her. I didn't even think that possible. And he gave her 3 kids. Which is what she always wanted.

[@emytann7838]

And you? Are you happy to?

[@mlggamer5296]

I agree with Ana on that one if you're not in a happy relationship just leave but that's why I was saying like whatever happened to just simply breaking up There used to be a thing called breaking up.

[@bogwitch3860]

women are often afraid to leave relationships so it's safer to stay and sneak around occasionally. men don't have the same issues ON AVERAGE

[@BigKandRtv]

Say this out loud with me: "I will find a single person who will fulfill all my needs for the next 50 years." What a lot to expect of each individual in a relationship. If it doesn't seem strange for you to expect your partner to meet your every need, ask yourself if it is reasonable for YOU to meet that expectation for your partner. What a monumental expectation.

[@Zero-ei8jn]

I do not plan to live another 50 years anyhow.

[@josephinenilsson1541]

I always find myself agreeing most with Cenk. Totally doing so here too. Cheating is awful, it is never ok and no one should be excused for it.

[@j.s.669]

Giggling like a 304. Not man or woman should cheat PERIOD.

[@justinnelson4530]

Yes they should.

[@seal3081]

"The affair may be a wake up call for their partners, leading to positive behavioral changes" what an odd study.

[@wesb1931]

That’s only when women do it

[@bluejava9397]

@@wesb1931 😂 and? Is this before or after the man leaves his 2nd wife, mistress and concubine? Please.

[@wesb1931]

@@bluejava9397 sounds like you’ve been done wrong. You’re just making my point for me. All people who cheat are doing wrong. Some husbands out there are awful cheaters and so are some wives.

[@MofoMan2000]

I really appreciate Cenk coming on here and defending men. In many, many cases, men are always considered the bad ones and women are considered victims, no matter who actually cheated on who. Cheating is never right, just get out of the relationship.

[@BigKandRtv]

The one part I agree with is your point of 'men are bad and women are victims'. The reality is that men are human, and women are human. The social construct that one gender is honorable and noble, while the other gender is not... it's just not reality. We are ALL people, and as far as I can tell we are all creatures of needs and desires.

[@SeanDezoysa]

@@BigKandRtv Let's be real though... women as a whole are less troublesome than men are

[@lyrapsi]

Maybe things have changed since I was young but back then I was shamed and shunned by my family for getting pregnant out of wedlock 30 years ago, and certainly the idea of a woman cheating was abhorrent (with the typical negative names being said about them) and a man cheating was to be expected.

[@angelaschone2847]

It is still like that at least in Latinoamérica

[@darrieonthegreat4594]

Ana cappin so hard Just to side with women 😂, cenk was spittin facts.

[@Lovellyoungwolf]

Riiight! She BS-ing so hard 🤣

[@FulltimeDuddooScene]

True, proud of Cenk... Really disappointed with Anna on her take on this one

[@DorothyDollLee]

A cheater is just a cheater

[@SpecialEdDHD]

Guys feel bad. Woman feel empowered.

[@AlthenasGuard]

Oh hell yeah. Being a terrible person is really what raises your self esteem. Some world we live in

[@courtney-rw8ch]

Interesting. I am a 52-year-old male and don’t know what I would feel after having an affair. Never happened. You can definitely ask my ex wife how it feels.😂😂😂

[@oldmanghost219]

Got it. And Mine also. It was well known that she cheated then she tried to tell me that my daughter wasn't mine when i got custody. And NO. I will never get a DNA test. It is hard for me to believe she is not mine as we had strong connection since the day she was born. However above I detailed how I unknowingly became the "other" guy. I have been careful since to not let happen again.

[@djangomarine6658]

😬

[@timeshamoore4191]

I feel like the grass is greener affect is at play. As a woman, specially a black woman, it is often that I see messages that men are entitled to cheat and it's unrealistic to expect him not to. Meanwhile, it seems like on the males perspective women are empowered when they cheat. To add to that it seems like no one from the same party is holding their peers accountable. Key words seems like. Regardless, we both are receiving messages about how it's justified the other party cheated. Which is the last thing someone wants to hear when they find out their partner stepped out. Cheating or cheating back doesn't change the dynamic, it doesn't empower anyone, it doesn't serve a purpose other than to satisfy the cheaters ego in a lot of situations. If someone cheats on you it's not for you to internalize and blame yourself. If they can literally build enough rapport or trust to engage in sex with someone, they have the capacity to verbalize their needs or dissatisfaction with the relationship.

[@FulltimeDuddooScene]

It's western degeneracy caused by disbelief.

[@timeshamoore4191]

@@FulltimeDuddooScene Care to elaborate on the disbelief part?

[@FulltimeDuddooScene]

@@timeshamoore4191 According to the Quran, hearts become hardened when they don't remember God much. Do women with hardened hearts ruin their husbands without any guilt and shame. Same verse applies to Wester nations turning Liberal, atheists, gay, trans, lesbian etc. Turning into serial murderers and rapists. These are alien concepts in Muslim countries.

[@timeshamoore4191]

@@FulltimeDuddooScene Thank you for providing more insight on your point.

[@TheVerendus]

Cheating is never the answer. Talk to your partners, have a conversation. If they aren't willing to have a conversation then be ready to dump their ass. Then you can go smang whomever you want, but don't betray someone if you don't even know why they might be "neglecting" you or whatever. Communication is ALWAYS the answer; ask questions, answer questions.

[@alphastormeex9468]

One thing they didn't talk about and I'd have to check the study. I'd want to know how many people who cheated did so after they found out their partner was cheating. Just a personal anecdote, but out of the small handful of women I've known who cheated, all but one did so after they found out their male partner cheated first. Otherwise the vast majority of infidelity I've known in my life have come from the men. It is a real problem in the military. It would be interesting to see how the data bores that out especially in military families.

[@fighton5585]

Women are instantly forgiven by society. There MUST be an adequate reason. Men are not given the same grace. I believe that is Cenk's point.

[@melissaleoncreolenola]

That's a lie.... women are the ones who are not forgiven in this society.. they see the woman as the righteous one.. and that men will be men.. they will cheat... smh

[@alphagamma4582]

@@melissaleoncreolenola exactly. Boys will be boys. They're just doing what nature tells them. It's their God given right to claim women. Women are outcasts and lose their value because... body count. I don't make the rules....I just live in this declining society.

[@wallaceahtone6149]

@@melissaleoncreolenola You do understand that is the same reason that judges will rule overwhelmingly in favor of the female, as opposed to the male. That's the reason too why, men are overwhelmingly arrested more, and expected live by more rigid and demanding standards in the workplace & military to name just a few institutions.

[@melissaleoncreolenola]

@@alphagamma4582 Exactly

[@JD-FIES]

Women are ENDLESSLY shamed by society for EVERYTHING. Wtf are you talking about??

[@el_chavez]

I believe that women that cheat were never in love or fell out of love without realizing it. Many men that cheat are not even taking love into the equation.

[@philliphessel6788]

I don’t know about Germany, but in the USA women initiate about 70% of divorces. If you don’t share with your partner what you want in the first place, then you’re naturally less likely to get it. Perhaps because women communicate with each other on subtler bandwidths, it may seem to men as if they are being given and failing a test for mental telepathy. In a new liaison, someone is more likely to be forthright in that way. Dishonesty often increases once a woman’s affair begins, as she’s not letting go of one until her grasp on the other is solid. However, it’s probably started before then, engineering the rationale for infidelity. Unfaithful men tend not to be looking in the first place for any more than a ‘side dish’. There’s more to the sense of guilt than just worry about hurting the primary woman’s feelings; there’s also a self-interested fear of losing her. The reported positive feeling about the primary relationship is probably a renewed appreciation of how lucky the guy is.

[@artyfhartie2269]

I was going to have an affair with this beautiful doll but she would not inflate and the shop refused to give me a refund. Schmuck

[@GB-fk7eq]

Ana was just all smiles with this one.... 😏 smh

[@blackstoneriverworkshop7167]

When your needs aren't being met you cheat instead of walking out or even starting a conversation? That's a problem

[@paulnevins]

My biggest challenge when dating in my 20s was trying to find a woman who wasn't married that was hitting on me.

[@mrjmorovis]

When your female partner is a narcissist of course the will feel better and she will be as covert as possible to keep the partner. My ex-wife and last girlfriend were two different flavors of narcissist and narcissist are never satisfied so they want it all. Vile creatures.

[@icoreyr]

Men and woman are different????? WOW!

[@nobody_fromnowhere2649]

Infidelity occurs when one partner passive-aggressively punishes the other in the most demeaning way. As a result the dynamics of the relationship are changed forever and regardless of initial feelings the behavior might be evaluated differently over time. Probably need a cross-cultural longitudinal study for better evaluation. Without trust there is no bonding.

[@hectorgonzalez1432]

Love your conclusions!!!✌️💪👍

[@thealbamethod]

I wish there would be more inclusive conversations or studies done on gay/queer relationships. I, a gay woman, was cheated on by a woman, and I would be interested in data across a more diverse set of couples. Everything is SO hetero 🙄

[@oldishandwoke-ish1181]

I agree with you, but this study was apparently about differences in men's and women's attitudes to infidelity. How would you frame the question for a similar study undertaken within the gay community?

[@michaelhause2669]

Learn to love yourself unconditionally, be your own best friend, be your own lover, As one learns to love ones self, one will create positive constructive relationship's. These people had life lesson in self love.

[@karmageddon9856]

Found the wisdom in the comments! 👏😍😆

[@crobinson2624]

I think society demands that people remain in unhappy relationships and so people feel the need to cheat in order to stay in the relationship but feel that they’re not.

[@NightWolf1988]

Yay being a cheater can boost your self esteem while destroying the other person's life, How great smh..