5 Things Life Coaches Say That Perpetuate Trauma

[@SukieBaxter]

I would *love* to hear your take aways on this! Leave me a comment and let me know what landed for you.

[@summerpeachwhisper]

I wanted to find out more about your coaching/services but just hit total dead ends only having to do with supplements.

[@SukieBaxter]

Hi Summer, apologies for not seeing this sooner. You can reach out to me directly via email hello at wholebodyrevolution dot com to discuss what might be a good fit for you. Thanks!

[@blissbased]

Great, I love all of your content ♡♡♡

[@wtfhappenedtome]

I love this video but find the music very distracting. I had to turn the volume down very low to try and shut it out so I could focus on your words, which are so insightful. Please consider no music in future videos, it’s just not necessary, in fact more powerful without. Just you talking is amazing stuff. I am learning so much from every one of your videos I watch. In fact you are a large part of my healing from a long-term chronic illness, my eyes have been opened in ways I’d never considered.

[@l.w.paradis2108]

Please post more videos. We miss you madly!

[@anitazetsche820]

If a coach hasn't worked through their own personal issues, they can never have the empathy and understanding of the diversity of emotions and impact of trauma.

[@christelleroussel4117]

Very well said!!

[@angelacruz1628]

This is not just for Coaches. Therapist, Your Doctor, Fathers, Mother’s, Siblings and friends need to hear this because I have been trying to explain this to everyone. Your to the point and your approach is what people need to start remembering in themselves. Instinct is felt not thought into. Thanks so much for this!

[@angelam290]

You are so right. There are situations where the fear and stuckness has real, physical, threatening reasons that need to be addressed first. Such as being bullied by a whole group of people offline and online and being totally isolated. Telling the person to think positive or that she/he is not coachable, does not address the actual issue. The fear is justified and the solution is a different one.Blaming the victim is way too common especially with women.

[@SashaCagen]

I am a life coach, and I agree with everything you laid out here. Intuitively I have avoided these behaviors because I wouldn't want anyone telling me these things, and I appreciate you taking the time to name them. It also drives me nuts when someone says something like "shame is a choice." Shame is not a choice when you feel it in your body.

[@melodieh7239]

Shame is most definitely not a choice. I just recently experienced shame by my Primary Care Doctor that is totally EGO driven. I spoke up and he decided to release me as a patient. Not the kind of health person I need to take care of my health. So, what healthy community was the medical industry doing for me? Shame, Fear, Toxicity period! Thank you for your knowledge-based theory.

[@ThisKiwi03]

Actually, I really relate to the Toxic Positivity. I am constantly being told every time I try to express my feelings that I just need to stop being negative and smile. I now refuse to talk about how I'm feeling.

[@theseeker1237]

Write it down, read it later. No one really cares, it's up to you to take command of your vessel. Also you can record your voice, listen later, and learn from your self.

[@l.w.paradis2108]

@@theseeker1237 Excuse me, people DO care. You are suggesting isolation. Why? On what basis? People who love you care.

[@ericacortis1905]

I am so deeply sorry to hear about what you are going through. You deserve to be fully heard and seen. I sincerely hope that you find the right professional to help you work through this. Don’t stop until you find the right person who you feel really comfortable with and connected to. The relationship you have with your therapist is the most critical part. Don’t stop trying! No one deserves to be made to felt this way.

[@georgeelgin3903]

amen sister -- shutting down can become habitual as well !!

[@sunnysunnydays]

Thank You for addressing these! Especially the “you’re playing the victim!” It’s victim shaming! Adds to the trauma! And makes wanting to withdraw & distance even more attractive then trying to engage with ppl who don’t understand &say that!!

[@ahleenpollock1250]

Not a life coach, but I work on a mental health inpatient unit, and I can now be mindful to avoid toxic phrases like these in conversation! Thank you Sukie!

[@RebeccaEWebber]

The last person I started working with tried to related to my 6 year struggle with chronic illness that keeps me home by talking about being stuck at home for the first few months of Covid. I think that more coaches/therapists/healers need to know their limits and articulate that they are outside their depths if they aren't trauma informed or haven't worked with people with special needs before. When working with someone with trauma "good intentions" aren't enough, you either know what you are doing or you don't.

[@RexySmith]

A therapist told me about my deep anxiety around cars and driving to just basically brush it off because it's not real, kinda like "you and your loved one have been in a car often and you are still alive so it's not a real treat, so when you feel anxiety about this think that it's a false story you created". - DUDE HAVE YOU NEVER READ STATISTICS!? 😂

[@djVania08]

What's sort of illness keeps you home? Have you improved?

[@RebeccaEWebber]

@@RexySmith wow, that is so out of line. I really wonder how some of these people get and keep their licenses. I hope your very relatable anxiety around cars/driving does ease or you find satisfying work arounds.

[@RebeccaEWebber]

@@djVania08 I have some long term symptoms from burnout and C-PTSD. I have an anxiety disorder, agoraphobia and Multiple Chemical Sensitivities. Yes, it has gotten better, but I still only leave home by myself a few times a year.

[@djVania08]

@@RebeccaEWebber Has the polyvagal theory played a role? I hope you find a way to better life! I truly do

[@l.w.paradis2108]

This is brilliant. I have never heard what is sometimes called "fear of success" explained with such compassion and depth. Of COURSE we fear these immense sorts of changes. Of course they feel in some way like a death. Or to view it from another perspective, human birth is traumatic. This is a universal trauma, that we all experienced and have the task of overcoming -- and we do.

[@thedehypnotist]

Sukie, I really resonate with your energy. I feel like a lot of coaches think they are consultants. Also, I don't understand where those shame and guilt based statements come in with coaching. That is just personal value judgments they are freely sharing. That isn't coaching. Coaching doesn't have resistance, because you are always with the client, where they are, and where they want to be going, on their terms. That means not pushing if there is internal conflict, because clearly something is not being appreciated, or even acknowledged, and until that is, it will express as a form of self sabotage, which of course is then easy to blame on the client if that is the angle they are coming from. If anything, it is projection that they don't know how to coach, not that the client isn't coachable. Oof. That is a part that is looking to be integrated, and it needs that open space of trust for it to come through, to work with it. If only we realized how much we could help each other, if we acknowledged the inner hurt/child/trauma when we looked at one another, and held the space for it to be how it wants to be, so that it can be free to evolve as feels best. Sorry for,.. the righteousness, but, I feel like so many coaches are undermining the process, or honestly do not know what it is anymore.

[@Lynnieb4]

I'm a life coach, and I can't imagine saying or being told those statements! But this did open my eyes to how those concepts can be conveyed to the client if the coach isn't listening and watching carefully. And it's also important to realize when your client may possibly need therapy or counseling instead of (maybe with) coaching.

[@AmandaMG6]

I don’t know if this is correct or not, but instead of “focus on the positive,” I tell myself when heading into an unknown situation “expect the best.” And I let emotions do what they will.

[@stacielivinthedream8510]

You know, this is exactly what I do! I say, "It will all work out!" I want to scream from the roof tops how well this works!!!!!!! It has changed my mindset to actually 'expect the best' now instead of thinking everything is going to Hell in a hand basket!!! I pray that at least one person heeds what I say here because it is changing how I look at life!!!

[@ericacortis1905]

As with everything though there is a limit. You can’t keep showing up day after day to an emotionally, psychologically or physically abuse person “expecting the best.” You can certainly get the support you need and intentionally seek beauty in the world somewhere but you need the right support system and boundaries to protect your actual being in order to safely seek something that’s positive. It’s not black in white, there are so many shades of gray. And what might work for one in there situation doesn’t mean it will work for another. That’s why meeting people right where they are at and seeing what THEY need and truly hearing them is so important

[@Marina_7]

@@stacielivinthedream8510 You're giving me such hope! Does it really help? Do you have any tips? I've always been taught to have no expectations so I won't be disappointed, or expect the worst; which in theory may sound useful but I think it messed me up. It's hard to try to expect good, I feel like if I expect good stuff it'll go wrong, as if I'd get punished for spiting the universe or something haha

[@kateboo4013]

I think saying "it might not work, but I also might work" - as long as we give the same time/investment in thinking "it will not work out" as we give to "it will work out".

[@greentree5448]

THANK YOU!!! I especially appreciate your comments on the very human need to belong and how "moving forward" and taking a risk can often feel life threatening to those of us with a trauma history. I've been saying it to therapists for years but they just nod and say to do it anyway. And just tonight in my online meditation course on anxiety and depression, when the Dharma teacher discussed "self care" techniques, I mentioned the existential terror that self care elicits in me. Taking care of myself, being kind to myself, feels like anihilation, like I'm going to be cast out into a blizzard, naked, in the middle of the night just for daring to consider self care. Because he's hungry, remember when Oliver Twist takes that huge risk and asks for more porridge? - only to be rebuked, beaten, and thrown out into the mean streets of Victorian London? That's the anticipatory fear I feel when attempting "self care". And the Dharma teacher said, you guessed it, do it anyway

[@jessebreytenbach]

Fascinating! I'm busy doing a sketchbook drawing course, and have hit the (expected) wall of resisting 'loosening up' my drawings. Have been told this for years, but no-one's ever even attempted to explain how, as if it's a self-explanatory thing and I'm just a failure for not knowing how. Now I have a way to think about it, so thank you. I'm actually leaning in to my tighter drawing style, and that's making me feel more relaxed.

[@SukieBaxter]

I love this. When working with clients, one of the practices I teach is to go into tension rather than pulling against it. The concept behind this is that there is something your body wants to express, and once it has the tension evaporates. I love that you're applying that to drawing. Keep me posted -- I'd love to hear how this progresses for you.

[@jessebreytenbach]

@@SukieBaxter Still working well! Instead of trying to loosen up, I try to start off drawing carefully; almost immediately I lose myself in the drawing and find a balance between loose and tight drawing.

[@cathrn57]

This comment resonates with me. I have a deep love for precision and symmetry and have learned to ignore what's in or out of fashion in the public or curatorial eye. Painting, building, drawing, all ways to creating with intuition, are the inner freeway to what is so deeply beautiful about being human.

[@l.w.paradis2108]

Brilliant!!!

[@NelaDunato]

@@jessebreytenbach it's been a while since you posted this, but I wanted to comment because the "loosen up!" mandate in drawing and painting classes always drove me bonkers. I'm like you, finding relaxation and deep enjoyment in precise and detailed drawings. Whenever I tried to follow instruction to loosen up, I ended up hating both the process and the end result. It's definitely not for everyone, but many art instructors insist on their way of doing things. Now I really want to make a video on this, because surely there's more people out there who need to accept their own creative urges despite what their instructors tell them. Thank you for sharing your experience and making that connection with the video, because I wasn't thinking about that at all until I've read your comment.

[@moranababic8450]

Yes! Finally someone is talking about this topic. In the beggining of my mental health journey I thought I was losing my mind trusting others when clearly my intuition was amazing without their guidance. I was told I was lazy, stupid and that I should just go along with other people treating me like garbage. Never again will I trust others more then myself. I wish there was more justice when mental health workers are abusive and retraumatise their clients! Their behaviour led me to suicidale thoughts and other horrible things. Shame on them for abusing their power.

[@senselesscience]

Sukie: You are SO clear. Your ideas are SO organized, and you present them in genuinely engaging ways- just the pure desire to help others have a better life! I've been binge watching your videos and I am SO enriched and inspired by the wealth of information you present!! Yesterday I watched your videos about the Vagus Nerve and I sighed and yawned and then slept and dreamed lovely dreams where I was smiling doing pirouettes in the air because my neck felt so relaxed 🥰 You are an enlightened being bringing a piece of Heaven onto Earth. Thank you for being such an inspiration and a Vessel of Light- Wisdom and Love. We are very blessed that you pour onto us the treasures of the information you share with us. Thank you!!

[@charleszacharybennett7827]

You address so many great topics. I had to pause on this one after listening to the toxic shame that so many of us have been given from coaches or healers or whatever they think they are. I agree with someone else on here that practitioners need to know their limits and need to be able to focus primarily on the health and well being of the person they are presumably wanting to help. It does not serve ANYONE to keep seeing a client when there is far more than the practitioner has capacity to deal with. At the very least, a practitioner needs to be able to refer people for those things they are not able to handle. Unfortunately there is far too many perhaps well intended individuals who do not know what they are doing or do not know their limits and in my opinion, too many "programs" perpetuating the toxic re-traumatizing culture that you are addressing here. Thanks for tackling this subject. It's obviously a triggering one for me and I would assume many others.

[@barbs1298]

Perhaps there aren't enough qualifications for those calling themselves "coaches" except for their extreme positivity that should work for everyone, including those who have suffered trauma & have many underlying issues. Coaches are not therapists unless duly trained as such & they have the necessary credentials.

[@stephanier6783]

TOXIC: There's a lot of people with underlying psychopathology (i.e. personality disorders) who are psychologists who are *incapable* of empathy for others. People with narcissistic psychopathology should never be allowed to practice as licensed psychotherapists, unless the people they are treating are narcissists themselves. This can especially be found in the field of positive psychology because there is nothing a narcissist wants more than to "sweep unpleasant things under the rug" and NOT have to listen to anyone's pain, struggle or issues. They are in that profession for their own hourly need for narcissistic supply, and they can see themselves as the "expert" in that field and "above" the person who is coming to them for help in resolving their own issues. Positive psychology and the self-help industry are *MAGNETS* for people on the toxic end of narcissistic psychopathology who like to see themselves as a "guru" or "expert" in their particular field. People really need to be warned about this so they can select those individuals who are psychologically healthy.

[@sp5704]

Thank You a lot of mental health providers and coaches I worked with - pushed everything under the rugs and I just kept getting more ill and ill and never got better …

[@Shalini-p1i]

Toxic .. So dealt with this. Thank you so much for this video.

[@isawhat8712]

Oh boy, your conversation on toxic positivity just synchronized with my life in the craziest way. A few days ago I was talking to someone I was working with for a couple of days who said she has a happy life, she's so happy, everything is happy, etc. In the span of 5 minutes and that dialogue continued for two days on repeat. And I felt like to have to say something like that so often and so repetitively there was something off. Then I quickly realized she had zero empathy for other people (to the point where she said she doesn't understand depression and a friend got angry at her when she was suicidal and she wasn't there for her because she doesn't deal with anything negative that affects her happy bubble and she thinks if they're so unhappy that they want to commit suicide they should just go ahead and do it 😱). And there were other things after that conversation where I was like this woman has zero empathy for others. But your discussion on how repressing emotions leads someone to be cut off from all their emotions (and you specifically brought up empathy several times) it suddenly clicked into place. That was what was going on. Thank you for this video!

[@wtfhappenedtome]

I love this but find the music very distracting. I had to turn the volume down very low to try and shut it out so I could focus on your words, which are so insightful. I love that you are sharing this stuff. Please consider no music in future videos, it’s just not necessary, in fact more powerful without. Just you talking is amazing stuff. You are a large part of my healing from a long-term chronic illness, my eyes have been opened!

[@jimanders6666]

Thank you for your comments on victimization. This is something that is all too common in our society.

[@louysevallieres8870]

With this kind of lucid and benevolent presence to others, we would be on a PEACE ON EARTH path !! Thank you so much !

[@sudarkoff]

"You're not being coachable" is like a dentist saying to a cancer patient they are not responding to flossing.

[@SukieBaxter]

Right? I totally agree, George.

[@mostlyathena]

George, excellent example. Wow, yes!

[@elizacrowe-maxwell8694]

Toxic! I have been subjected to every single one of these. The most damaging experience was when I was sharing that taking that next step felt like I would be annihilated at which point the coach screeched at me, in a group coaching setting, that I was being ‘delusional’. Set up such a shame spiral for me - still in freeze mode and that is how I found your KZbin channel. Thank you Sukie

[@RexySmith]

Wow that explains so much...🤯 I tried to see a therapist a while ago for anxiety and thought it was quite pointless. Now I understand why. Thank you

[@heatherkangaloo9625]

I think everyone should share this video so no one else is traumatized by coaches who do not know what they are doing.

[@avadarling3055]

This is amazing. It makes so so SO much sense to me. Bottom line, it gives me a sense of hope because I feel totally understood. So many simple things feel like LIFE and DEATH to me. It's exhausting.

[@VirginiaJ-1]

I worked hard to pay attention to how the words I used made me feel and eventually I had to trust myself enough to stop using them even though I had no evidence or way to know if it was "okay." Your videos help me to trust myself even more and it has been a difficult path so I am very grateful. Thank you for allowing my experience to feel validated.

[@bestoddisee]

A relevant video . Thank you. I’ve left numerous coaching situations because I wasn’t being heard by the therapist or coach. I’m glad you’ve addressed this.

[@barbs1298]

Being heard & having your feelings validated is of utmost importance. When I was an elementary school counselor, it made all the difference when I acknowledged how a student was feeling & really listened to what they were saying. So often they had no adult in their life doing that for them. They were neither validated or acknowledged because I guess they were kids who were to be seen, not heard, as the old adage goes.

[@marcilaughlin6062]

I really appreciate this video...You addressed so many themes that are out there in coaching/personal development world that are so shaming! ANd especially appreciated your last point...about what is stored in our bodies that transcends mindset and that we are not nervous systems in isolation. Thank you so much!

[@anneleenschwartz4937]

Makes sense, this is how I felt and what I said to my help the past year and still.

[@benbailey-igetstarted6438]

Fantastic video Sukie. The more I watch of yours the more I feel like your the only sain person in this space (along with Gabor, peter Levine and stephen porges)

[@mishlinejammal2899]

This is really helpful

[@radicalmystic]

This really confirmed what I have realized and the way I approach energy healing classes, clients, and coaching. Thanks!

[@kateanderson9203]

yessss thank you. i'm recovering from a tbi (from over 2 years ago) and while i'm so grateful to be a part of the tbi recovery community, there's so much talk of "mindset" etc etc that it drives me crazy.

[@anitazetsche820]

I can highly recommend the book " The body keeps the score" by Bessel van der Kolk.

[@iamwhoiamdesign]

So true. Finally!! I would add “feel the fear and do it anyway” and my all time top trigger.s: Take Action! I only want action takers”

[@tabea2783]

Dear Sukie, your account simply is a blessing, and I'm hoping to hear more from you. Your approaches represent a much needed shift in culture, and are refreshingly honest. As a Person struggling with overwhelm and hypervigilance, there's on Thing: I have troubles with the activating and at Times distracting Background music.

[@sp5704]

Thank You , the trauma narrative and regular triggers/threats/trauma and difficult situations -- these are what needs to be talked out … ; I have had to keep switching out of coaches and mental health providers because I have so many stories and experiences that are painful and still stuck on my system and body and so therefore at 43 with 20 years of different providers -- I remain unhealed in the least bit ….

[@mindbodyawareness]

The sensation of emotion, presence with emotion, I like to say that we have a rainbow of emotions and to bring it on. Thanks for your thoughts about "big ball of positivity" as a framework and toxic. I appreciate the discernment, and the timing around conversations.

[@Eclecticphysicalphil]

Great video! It's NOT just about becoming aware of your thoughts. Thank you!

[@luccabetta5238]

I had to listen again Sukie and I must say you have explained dealing with healing trauma in a new light for me. Your explanation is far deeper and broader and more complex. It also included the sensory experience of your whole body and how that is intertwined with your biological family, community locally and globally. Gosh I would love to sit and talk with you about all of this Sukie. Simply because absolutely everyone and everything is interconnected. So unless we understand on a deeper level how to address this it’s no wonder we keep going around in circles.

[@jspjyc7072]

I was hesitant to watch this video bc i thought it irrelevant but again you blow my socks off so thanks a million

[@gaylekenney4648]

Sukie, I really valued all you had to share in this video which spoke to Life Coaches. All 5 of your points resonated with me from over the years of coaching, counseling, and personal relationships. I think all five of your points are applicable to all types of interpersonal relationships. My osteopath recently gave me links to your vagus nerve posts which have been amazing and filled with moments of revelation and relief to finally hear and see my struggles with trauma become real and legitimate and capable of healing and recovery. Thank you for valuing those who hurt in this way and speaking up. I think this video was very courageous and compassionate on your part. Bless you Sukie🙏

[@luccabetta5238]

Yes you are completely right Sukie I personally believe I need to acknowledge my negative emotions or my unpleasant emotions as my body is communicating to me and it’s asking me to pay attention. You are raising really important points here. What you are saying feels grounding Sukie. It’s like the healing process needs to begin where you are and take one step at a time as we move forward. Rather than completely ignoring where you are and what you feel and jump right into positive mindset. It’s like saying can you knit me a jumper when my wool is all tangled up. It would be frustrating and impossible. First I need to untangle the wool into a workable thread then the act of knitting will be effortless not stressful at all.

[@SukieBaxter]

Yes, and also you need knitting needles and some level of skill with those tools in order to be able to weave the wool properly, and sometimes it's not going to work quite right because this wool is finicky and stretches too much or too little... There is an art to everything -- knitting, healing, all things.

[@luccabetta5238]

@@SukieBaxter beautifully said Sukie. 😍🙌🙏🏾

[@onestepconscience9350]

Thank you so much. I asked myself lot of questions about ethics lately and your video was so helpful. Thanks. ❤

[@lynneturner3704]

I believe that l developed cancer in a certain area of the body because l was unable to talk about what happened to me, after l started to speak about it and l stopped having issues with cancer. Don't be afraid to acknowledge your suffering it may be the way to healing.

[@megdunn4386]

Sukie wow that was sooo useful….I’m currently starting back into my Health and We’ll coaching business as I’ve been working full time during Covid as a nurse immuniser in private practice. It definitely gives me the reminder about being a part of the solution not the problem! I’m more than happy to work with other professionals to achieve the results that clients are wanting for themselves.

[@cherylbarrel9966]

Toxic positivity! My mother used to send me away from the family to my bedroom saying, "Come back when to can be a happy girl". When I would be ready to come back to the group, she would ask in a falsetto voice, "Are you a happy girl? Are you a happy girl?" I was perfectly fine, not behaving in a difficult way, just not faking smiles as a toll to pay to be with the family. But the question made me want to smack her! Fast forward to being a beautiful young woman, and a total stranger felt comfortable saying "Smile!" The first time it happened, I smiled -- because I wasn't feeling bad, I was just concentrating on something and maybe it made my face frowny. After it happened few dozen times, from a many strangers, I felt like when my mother told me to be a happy girl. Once I retorted, "I am not walking down the street for your pleasure. I have my own thoughts and feelings. If you are missing a smile, you could give one." To hear Sukie talk about the biological need for belonging was very eye-opening. I have often "paid the toll" of faking a positive mindset or facial expression just so that I could be allowed to belong. The problem is, it made me feel betrayed by my self! I accept whatever feelings I have and I like myself. No need to fake for me. Add to the mix that I lost my birth mother at two days old and a foster family at three months old-- way too early for words and thoughts, but plenty of felt trauma and insecurity. So, the need to belong was in super high-focus. The resulting urge to compliance was compelling. And sometimes, the toll was just too high. I would rather be authentic in a system that doesn't demand inauthenticity. Fortunately, I have that in my chosen family. Today I allow all feelings to move through me as life and reality require. Your video is encouraging. Big thumbs up for all of us who are growing and healing, overcoming discomfort by allowing it to move through us and out. I am positive about being real!

[@l.w.paradis2108]

That is a perfect line to say to someonewho interrupts you on the street. This is so nicely said, the whole thing. Have you thought about being a writer, or are you already?

[@k.w.5891]

Hi Suki -- I absolutely LOVE your videos, they are so helpful. If I may suggest one thing -- it's very difficult to focus on what you are saying in the videos that have background music like this one. This one in particular I can't listen to, maybe it's the style of music or the volume. But my preference for videos like yours is no music, so I can totally focus in on the amazing stuff you are sharing. Not a criticism at all -- and love the set, couch, pillow, print :-)

[@wtfhappenedtome]

Agree about the music, for me it’s an odd combo the irritating tinny beats and her calming voice. She is so wise and her vids are amazeballs! I learn so much from every one, but some are hard to listen to because of the music.

[@suzzen4367]

Thank you. You are doing amazing work by sharing all of this. So glad I found you :)

[@Croneposse429]

Hi Sukie! This video was a real breath of fresh air for me! "Toxic Positivity"! That superficial, overly smiling stereotype of the "transformed" person who "lives in the light". My own experience going through these coaching programs was how superficial the approach and the mindset was for most of these well-meaning people. This is the real work that gets down to that non-verbal, non thinking place where so much of our power and our talent dwells.

[@VirginiaJ-1]

Thank you for providing so much free stuff. I like how you explain things.

[@MamaDragon65]

Great job explaining some pretty difficult information. These concepts can be very difficult to grasp and so I thought you did a great job. Amazing info for coaches.

[@rose-marie7351]

Simply put, these 5 things are judgement and lack of empathy and compassion... because of lack of life experience and inner knowledge of how it is to have trauma... things you don't learn in coaching books and school curriculum... I see that all the time... people with a head full of knowledge believing they know it all, have the truth on 'how to"... all from the point of view of logic and the mind...

[@eriku571]

I've heard from Jim Kwik when l argue for and defend my limitations, then I'll get to keep them. That was a powerful statement that motivated me to change my limiting habits... Your videos are also motivating me to make needed changes in my unique life.

[@annakeiller2820]

very, very excited about what you are saying...I would love to hear more about these patterns of thought/behaviour/reaction that we created for ourselves and how gently release ourselves from the ones that drag us down?

[@colleenostergren4786]

This is brilliant! I love how you explain this in a way the average person can understand. I am an SE trauma therapist and all the points you brought up are 100% valid in my world. I looked on your bio and didn’t see that you studied the work of Peter Levine but you totally speak that language. Everyone needs to know this stuff. Thank you 🕉

[@SukieBaxter]

I have studied Peter Levine's work. Not formally. Glad you found the video resonated with your perspective. I'm glad there are people like you doing good work in the world!

[@SteveZapataCoaching]

Wow I love this video. Nobody is talking about this. Thanks for sharing this with us.

[@SukieBaxter]

You're welcome, glad it resonated!

[@CathyVivian]

This is excellent stuff, great clarity and it makes complete sense. You certainly don't need credentialism to know your information is extremely useful and will help many people without harming them. Thank you.

[@sawdustadikt979]

Ya, I’ve been reading self help, spiritual evolvement and mind set books since I was a teen. I’m in my mid 40s now. I’ve hired many coaches and a few therapists in that time. I have had my share of profound blow backs(or break downs) from following the instructions given to me by these well meaning, over confident, naïve individuals. Quite a bit of toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing. A lot of the relationships or counseling would end when I would open up about one of the many things I’ve been through. Driving the fear that leads to the breakdown. It takes me months to feel safe with these people but I’m paying out of pocket and my commitment is super high. I will get to a point where things are really turning around and the fear is so intense. “Just keep going and you will see everything is ok” then I will loose my stuff and my health will blow out, lose work, go into debt while recuperating. We would try to get to the bottom of things. Then I would tell a memory of what is possibly driving my behavior, and they would cry, or lose color, or pull some, I’m guessing self protecting, spiritual bypassing type stuff. I finally found a trauma therapist, she is pure iron. It really is so hard to find some one who has been through some real stuff to be able to hold space, for that kind of stuff. I think overall, coaches need to understand THEIR limitations, cause someone else’s health, livelyhood and mental health depends on that knowledge of one’s own ignorance.

[@kloebl10]

Spot on!

[@l.w.paradis2108]

In just the past few weeks, I confided in one person about an artist project I'm working on, and within a short time, they lashed out. Jealousy. Then I told another person about an event I intervened in. (I observed a police interaction with a person of color, and politely declined their invitation to leave.) The person I told this to also lashed out. Jealousy again. It is hard to accept that that is what it was, but the world we live in is disordered at the moment. People will be jealous of anything at all. It's not you. It's them. You just happened to be there. If not you, someone else will bear the brunt. Not sure how to solve this.

[@wtfhappenedtome]

I’ve also had 3 experiences of people unexpectedly lashing out in the last 2 months. The most recent was particularly upsetting. I confided some deeply personal stuff in a conversation with a 15 year friend. See also confided in me. Then later in the conversation suddenly started getting very angry with me. She said some really cruel things. It was very odd and I had to remove myself it didn’t even feel safe. I think people are not themselves at all at the moment.

[@l.w.paradis2108]

@@wtfhappenedtome Wow. I'm so sorry. That doesn't sound safe, to be honest.

[@jcook7571]

Thank you for this beneficial information! Will use going forward.

[@veganlife9205]

You are amazing! SO thankful for you ♥

[@elleryan9196]

I love love love love this. I am trying to get started as a coach, but am developing my own way of doing things because I've seen phrases like those you've described in sooo many approaches and I feel EXACTLY like you do. This was sooooo validating - especially about the comment about trying to grow feeling like you are stepping into the jaws of a tiger. I've actually decided to just go for a Masters in Counseling while kind of making things up as I go along....

[@taraakontuli5727]

Love your wider perspective on human existence and consciousness. Thank you for bringing that knowledge forward.

[@jodieknowles2427]

I highly recommend finding a trauma informed coach or one that truly understands ACEs and the effects on the brain. Well done Sukie! Spot on!

[@SybilNix]

I’ve gone through the fear of being persecuted as a witch and I still haven’t fully gotten over it. As a queer astrologer, tarot reader, and a witch, I’m so afraid of being targeted. I had almost forgotten how strong that fear was and how it’s unconsciously held me back!! But I have to remind myself that there are many successful, visible people working in my field and they’re still here, so!!?? Lol

[@SukieBaxter]

Hey Sybil, I'm not sure how I missed this comment when I was responding to your other ones. Sorry about that. I can so fully resonate with this feeling. There are so many people working in the same field as you and rocking it! But I'm sure they get their fair share of shade. And also, just because you can be successful in an "alternative" field (alternative to what? that's a whole 'nother conversation) doesn't detract from the cellular trauma response to being a visible witch out there in the world for all to behold. That feels risky on a biological level, and it's good to acknowledge those feelings. They're trying to keep you safe and alive.

[@SybilNix]

@@SukieBaxter No worries, I left more than I usually do! (and the KZbin notification function SUCKS, so I might have missed one of your replies, lmao) And yeah, finding balance between the signals from the body and the desires of the soul is definitely important. You can't ignore either.

[@iamthepinkylifter]

great video and great points. as a business coaching client, I have come up against a few of these and have really come to understand the necessary depth of discernment when choosing who to invest with. for every brilliant coach, there are 3 out there who are not worth the money. and as a practitioner of coaching, these points are helpful reminders for how I can better hold space for my clients. thank you, your work is amazing!

[@jerrywalker5222]

Love your presentations and thank you for them. Wanted to share one thing about this one. It had a strange repetitive background "music" that was distracting for me...as a person who has some focus issues. Thanks.

[@rori108rori]

in the old knowledge of ayurveda or in the upanishads around 5000 years ago you can find these wisdom too about the connection between body and the mind or the collective body and mind

[@rochellecole8511]

Thank you so much for your genuine concern for others.

[@valentinav9571]

Thank you for your videos, your compassion, your willingness to share this knowledge

[@jannimushi4890]

Wow, so cool. I was just telling a friend of mine this morning to not push her sick brother and act as his surrogate motivation. I told her this can bring hostility. Its true in any field, whether you've joined a new religion or many things, overbearing people can try to push us past what our intuition is allowing us to do. Another person who does this is a perpetrator or abuser. It;s important to listen to your intuition unless someone is paying you and lays down the law. But outside of that.....

[@deanpapadopoulos3314]

Good stuff. You’re on the right track. The challenge will be to remember that it’s about who gets your message rather than how many people will get your message. This is an important point for a medium that measures success by numbers. It seems to me that those of us who are genetically created toward a greater awareness of what’s happening from the neck and down will totally get the information here and will understand you completely. As you know, we represent between 1-2% of the population - which translates to millions of people in actual numbers. Your work is important, as it speaks to those of us who don’t really feel that the other 98% of well-meaning people are speaking to us as we are, but rather as they are (to no fault of their own). The continuum of human variety is vast and infinite. It’s nice to hear you talk to the people who live on the slice of this continuum that we occupy by the randomness of the genes we received at conception.

[@katydid594]

I just discovered your channel, and really relate to your content. If if weren't for the background music I'd binge watch all your videos. There is a lot of helpful info here.

[@SukieBaxter]

Thanks, Katrina, I’m glad you’re liking the videos! Sorry the music is distracting.

[@katydid594]

@@SukieBaxter Not a big deal, I currrently live in dorsal vagal, so concentrating is a challenge for me. I’ll just pace myself.

[@annettesecogarden]

@@SukieBaxter Sukie, I love your videos, they are really helpful and I could not agree more with what you are saying, but like Katrina, I feel it is very had for me to listen bacause of the music. I think lots of traumatised people are also HSP, and for us highly sensitives background noise is very distracting/annoying. I feel your message would get better exposure on its own/just your voice. Again thanks for all you do.

[@katydid594]

@@annettesecogarden You communicated exactly what I was feeling in a much more compassionate manner. I’m a traumatized HSP and my senses are on high alert. Thank you.

[@annettesecogarden]

@@katydid594 I was wanting to write exactly what you wrote, but searched if someone else had already mentioned it so I could latch on. So thank you for commenting it first. I wonder if you are doing ancestral healing for your traumata. I feel that as an HSP that is the thing that has helped me most so far, as I feel most HSPs have taken on a lot of family issues. I see it in school as well with (unidentified/unrecognized) HSP kids left, right and centre and no one looking out for them, instead of seeing them as the symtombearer of the family they label them with all sorts of stuff, mainly ASD and it really grieves me. I try to provide a safe space for them in my library but wish I could help more as I see myself as a child in them so strongly.

[@casey-mareeblackstock7938]

I love your way of thinking!!!!

[@angeliqueburke1232]

I feel like what's missing from conversations around mindset is that its not just a quick jump! I feel like if you're going to address mindset, you have to talk to about the nervous system and how the brain works. "Rewire" and "reprogram" are catchy terms and the connections dont get made/relationships between them don't get provided. There's alot of language around mindset shifting that keeps people 'stuck' because it sets up people for failure. Empowering individuals to see themselves as wells and guiding them to their supply is the purpose of the relationship. Healthy Healings.

[@colleenhenderson4842]

That primal need for acceptance always stops me because of going for goal and having near death experience in the past and being abandoned by my family

[@ommanipadmehung3014]

so brilliantly explained, thank you :)

[@ataludz]

This is so great information thank you .

[@peacelily64]

I see you can go to chiropractor massage therapists .. in the end it up to you to do the work that they say will help .. at least in my case they don’t have. Magic wand and fix you 👍🏻

[@angstvision7108]

I love Sukie Baxter! There is a part that she talks about that I partially agree with, and that is the part about women being punished for not going with the flow. I think whatever Sukie says regarding women can apply to men who are considered "low status" in society. The reason being is that the women she refers to (who I assume are "regular" have flaws, etc.) have a lot more support for the past 15 to 20 years with "you go girl" advertising etc. This is not to create a wedge and to deny the suffering, but to say that the people perpetuating the suffering are narcissistic men and women, who are considered "top of the food chain" and depend on their validation from competition, and/or making themselves bigger than others; rather than cooperation and creation--working with others to get a result that is mutually beneficial. In my time doing martial arts and self-defense, I have noticed that self-defense techniques taught to women are also good for small men, since they are likely to be accosted by the same individual.

[@barryfinlayson976]

Thanks so much 🙏

[@annmarieziehl9037]

Hello Sukie, I love your videos and your perspective. I bought your book and have been practising some of your protocaos for vegas nerve reset, neck and shoulder pain. Only comment, the music in the background of this video is really annoying and totally wreaking havoc on my central nervous system :-).

[@SukieBaxter]

Got it, Annmarie. Thanks for the feedback. I'll keep that in mind for future videos.

[@happynesttv0816]

Love you Sukie 😍 hope to see you someday in person pls stay safe and healthy always. im from manila phillippines. Thank you!

[@juliabkw]

I feel very similar to the examples and experiences that you're pointing out. And I'm saying that being a coach myself 😄 The thing that I keep seeing and it seems to become more unfortunately, is many people calling themselves coaches when all they do in their coaching is telling others what they should do and how they should do it as well as what they shouldn't do, without taking the person and everything they're coming with, they're experiencing and that made them become the way they are right now into account. It seems that this isn't happening out of wanting to be maleficent or wanting to harm, but seems to happen because there most often is no real fundamental expertise and training in what it actually means to coach someone, which is very different to telling them what to do. The way I leaned to coach and what coaching really is, is letting the client find their very own and unique pathway to solving their current problem by asking them questions that guide them to finding that pathway. And this might mean that their solution looks 100% different from what I as the coach thought would be the "right thing to do" for them! Or to put it in other words: if coaching doesn't lead the client to feel more and more of their truths (not the coaches truths!) and find their own pathway to solving their current situation or problem, it's probably not coaching but some kind of advising or consulting which moves along "You pay me and I tell you what to do in return".

[@SukieBaxter]

Yep. 100%. Because coaching has no regulation, there is no standard of practice. Which is freeing in some ways and extremely harmful in others.

[@ecstaticallyeverafterwithc5904]

Excellent points! This helps me a lot as both a client and a coach.

[@saraelynch]

ugh, I've had some seriously bad experiences with coaches. I wish this was discussed more and not in a, "all coaches are scams!" kind of way. That's not helpful. Coaches can be SUPER helpful, but it can be hard to evaluate them and know what type of coach you personally need

[@getfreelisting29]

Brilliant! Thank you!❤️🙏

[@angelam290]

Here you said it: bullying, isolating, humiliating and rejecting a person by a large group of people will definitely traumatize the person and bring her/him in a state of fear, confusion and stuckness. Blaming the victim is the ultimate insult. What the victim needs is inclusion, support, acceptance, validation of her feelings.

[@shereenacraig4384]

OMG!!! 🙏🏽 U nailed it!!

[@vickyhall7720]

Loved it but found the backing music distracting x

[@wtfhappenedtome]

Same

[@lynneturner3704]

I love what you do , you have helped me soooooo much. Thank you Sukie.

[@KimberlyLetsGo]

I have heard almost all of these in the years I have been in therapy. I think they say it because 1) they are just parroting and 2) they don't know what to do to lead to a better place. All, points that you made. But the one that touched me most was the first one on toxic positivity. Yea, I'm pretty sick of that one too.

[@davidcope9875]

Hi Sukie, I enjoyed what you shared. I would prefer silence to the music in the background as I found it distracting. Thanks!

[@gerdabakker8369]

Thanks voor thuis 5 things....I live in the Netherlands.....and therefore.....for me....the wordt come to fast,maybe hoi van try to slow down a little bit tour speaking? 🤗🙋

[@gerdabakker8369]

Sorry voor faults in nu englisch words.....I meant: can you slow down the speed of tour words maybe?

[@margaretsearle5173]

Press the settings (3 vertical dots at top right of the screen) & there is a part of the menu where you can slow down/ speed up the playback speed. (Happy memories of a holiday 50+ years ago in Holland )

[@barbrivoire9840]

I love your videos and find your clarity to deliver your information is excellent. I really connect with this. One thing I notice about myself is back ground music can distract me. I'm not sure if I'm alone on this and not to be taken as criticism but more of an observation on how certain sounds impact the mind. Why it is calming and helpful to focus and not so much for others. Just curious if the music volume was lowered would make a difference. I have felt this way with other self growth video's, so again just my own observation. I do hear you well though and very much enjoyed listening to your advice. I am a fan to your teachings, thank you

[@kindredmystic168]

Brilliant 🙏