SuperMegaCast - EP 115: Dan's Big Secret (ft. Dan Avidan)

We finally get our buddy Dan on the podcast and talk about life, music and more.
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[@pearlprl]

Jewish man tolerates his two sons for over 1 hour

[@deggo9567]

1944, colorized

[@spiderdude2099]

* two gay sons *

[@thetruebro64]

spiderdude2099 incest?

[@miaruuu8375]

honestly, dan is like an Avi to them. it's so cute

[@basicindiebro]

trans rights!

[@jaycasillas2880]

“The people who make the biggest impact in your life are not necessarily the people you know the longest.” Truest shit Dan has ever said.

[@jumpinskillz9404]

Most definitely

[@biblequotesdaily6618]

dan has said, and will continue to speak in truly raw dialogue throughout his lifetime

[@doctacos1]

@@biblequotesdaily6618 raw dialogue me daddy dan uwu

[@DynoPoV]

doctacos1 I DoNt LiKe YoUr TOnE

[@AngelVixen97]

It really is! He is so wise

[@iii2524]

Damn, this podcast went from hilarious to deep as hell so quickly. One of the best episodes, in my opinion

[@Maxisamo1]

That's what happens when you get Dan

[@rubiedoll511]

Ninja agreed. i was in tears laughing, and those same tears became tears of sadness/happiness

[@simoncanet]

shouldn't you be playing fortnite with ellen?

[@HollowGolem]

If they hadn't gone to the "atheistm is the same as religion" canard, that would've been great. I hate Hollywood Atheists.

[@Daniel-bb9qj]

Chris Check man, i sure do hate these people for living in a place and not believing in something, right fellers?

[@thecraigadile1494]

It’s nice to hear them be open and honest about their feelings on Daniel. There isn’t a funny haha gag, they’re being fully honest with themselves

[@seangoodwin7772]

Have they made gags about Daniel before?

[@cereza5983]

I love this ep, I think it's my fav so far. Really made me glad they were willing to open up and be honest with us abt Daniel

[@220_hz4]

@@seangoodwin7772 No, Daniel isn't mentioned a lot

[@odin_191]

I feel the same way. When Dan started talking about his harsh breakup I was hoping Matt or Ryan might say something about Daniel (since it was a similarly emotional moment in their lives), and I'm glad they didn't dodge the topic after it was in the air too

[@thetruecish]

Who's Daniel?

[@acerola3576]

can’t believe you guys got dan aykroyd

[@PinkManGuy]

"THE ALIEN COUNCIL WILL NEVER VISIT US AFTER 9/11 WE HAVE BEEN CUT OFF **FOR GOOD!!!**"

[@LordLucario99]

I really hope you’re trolling…

[@Hoodied]

Holy shit you got Arin Hanson on the podcast

[@Brokenscam]

Which is strange because I though Dan Aykroyd died.

[@AirKingX]

Anyone seen that Dan Aykroyd UFO interview? It's just 90 minutes of Aykroyd smoking cigs and talking about conspiracies.

[@iannordin5250]

Dan has this special skill that makes everyone chill out and get genuine for 30-65 minutes

[@tommyfamily06]

Can’t believe they got bigger Finn on the podcast!

[@kainebert5815]

They should get smaller Dan on the podcast too.

[@thrownstair]

Finn Wolflarge

[@wanderingrandomer]

Finn Wolfjob

[@OfficialHases]

Or, alternatively, Dan from much later in his life

[@Nobody-707]

@@wanderingrandomer finn wolfart

[@griffinrockssocks]

You finally get Danny on the podcast and make me think of God, death, and breakups. I came here to laugh and you made me cry... What are you? A family guy?

[@ValenHambone]

OnFriFeb

[@kieranbrain7765]

Looool that made me laugh sooo much ffs so dumb

[@maxminton7861]

Dan really pushed them away from violence in movies and sex in TV.

[@AshMos]

Ninja Brian gets run over

[@oj5826]

he came here talking about violence in movies and sex on tv.

[@connorbaldridge6890]

You guys are making no nut November really difficult right now.

[@silver11x1]

If you're having this much trouble on the first day, you're going to have one hell of a time at thanksgiving dinner.

[@johnnyk8445]

@@silver11x1 turkey looking pretty sexy😁

[@nevermorapurge8371]

Think you're going to have a crisis if Gam Gam tells you to stuff the turkey

[@silver11x1]

@@nevermorapurge8371 *sobbing* "I don't want to stuff the turkey grandma. Please don't make me do this."

[@JogVodka]

Should've been practicing since June

[@captaintaco2345]

I live how different Matt and Ryan's friend group is. Dan's episode: heartfelt discussion about religion, life, and relationships. Chris and Ding Dong episode: VOMIT!!! VOMIT!!! VOMIT!!!

[@TheLovelyMars]

the movie review and now this wow

[@goodnightcorp.]

Its a sign of the end...

[@big-mistake111]

ikr They're keeping their word it's scaring me

[@GameBrain321]

Next, the channel shuts down

[@jonnie0004]

I know I’m scared

[@Leapfrog0123]

I've heard Matt joke about OCD on the channel, but I didn't know he had it for real. I had no idea Dan had it either. Recently, I quit smoking weed because, like with Dan, it started causing anxiety rather than treating it; getting high became an experience that was no longer enjoyable to me. I've been plagued by OCD since I was 4 (I'm 22 now) and this podcast was very affirming for me. Thanks fellas

[@astrowolvez]

Oh yeah he goes deep in it on a windwaker episode.

[@PFProdutions]

I feel the absolute same, I've had OCD my whole life but only got diagnosed when i was 16, right around when the windwaker episode came out. These boys really don't know how much they help others who have it

[@llamas62]

Cant believe you guys finally got daniel radcliff on the podcast

[@Brokenscam]

Daniel Radcliffe, is that the guy from Lord of the rings or am I mixing him up with Toby Mcgauire the guy that played Harry Porter or Eijah Wood who played spider-man?

[@conkcreet1344]

@@Brokenscam i thought brad pitt played spiderman hmmmm must have been wrong

[@silver11x1]

@@Brokenscam I was under the impression that Elijah Wood played Harry Potter.

[@Brokenscam]

@@silver11x1 actually, now that you mention that, I think you might be right about that. Yeah, just checked IMBD and it says "Elijah Wood =Harry Potter" "Toby Mcguire = lord of the rings" "Daniel Radcliffe = Spider-man"

[@goodnightcorp.]

@@Brokenscam as the writer and director and inventor of all of those books and movies i can confirm.

[@Wolfstar26]

"what if we all just die and wake up in Egyptian hell"

[@Gypsyblood777]

I love that thought lol

[@superawesom3]

Uh oh

[@sebw1515]

Matt says this in like 3 different podcasts before this, it's so funny to me that that's the first thing his mind goes to 💀

[@Alyxus]

I know y'all are memeing in the comments but this is honestly a really cute talk between them all, super grounded and honestly some good life tips in here, love you boys

[@CartoonWarStudios]

yeah, the latter half of the episode was so great and genuine. think this is my new favourite episode.

[@bagingospringo4396]

@@CartoonWarStudios made me cry. I commented a huge bit up there but seriously it's really heartfelt...

[@elmoelmerson172]

I don’t usually listen to podcasts, what topics do they cover in this episode?

[@Alyxus]

@@elmoelmerson172Some pretty heavy stuff, their friend's suicide, relationships, religion. Honestly quite different from their usual shenanigans. Like Matt said though they usually have a 'heavy' episode every 30 or so episodes

[@decaffeinatedafrican5997]

yes

[@Longtimefan-hc2yz]

I know that things are different on the channel now, but a testament to the craft of storytelling, and the authors of the narratives: I revisit this episode atleast once every 3 months since it released. It's a very impactful episode to me & I have taken a lot of these words to heart. I hope you guys are still good friends, and hopefully Danny too. Much love, for what its all worth

[@SkarletOctaviaMUSIC]

Same

[@obiwankenoli2532]

first time listening to this whole thing and im so happy i found it

[@NEET_VT]

My girlfriend of 6 years and I broke up 2 days ago and man I needed this podcast, thank you guys I’ve been have a really hard time with this.

[@goodnightcorp.]

Why?

[@badbatcher]

hey man, i just wanna let you know that everything will be okay.

[@Afunnylittlefellow]

Stay strong, fam.

[@neverloggingout]

SeinenIF hope ur still hangin in there man

[@aubreypressley1450]

God man it's been two months but I know the struggle. I just did the same thing. Or am still doing it. Hope you're good man.

[@mcoupe69]

Ryan, I hope you know that many of us who came from cyndago will always remember and love Daniel for who he was and what he helped create.. in a way he gave us you so to speak. I’ll always love and appreciate him for what he gave to the world.. All good things brother .. stay safe

[@mcoupe69]

I’ve got what if I’m right burned into my brain at this point and even though the song gets me sad it still always makes me smile by the end

[@misterbumblestein5625]

A really wonderful comment, but i can't help but appreciate the juxtaposition between your profile picture and the comment.

[@NOTCOLEADA]

Finally they got Dennis from oney plays on the soupermega cast

[@LordLucario99]

ColeAda I honestly can’t tell who’s joking on the internet anymore. His name is Dan and he’s from Game Grumps.

[@NOTCOLEADA]

LordLucario99 No No No, You’re thinking of “Groom Glumps” with Rose & barney

[@xleepy4006]

@@LordLucario99 bro oneyplays fans will never be serious when they say shit like this

[@Liliputian07]

sourmegan popcap

[@MetalPhlex]

LordLucario99 Are you serious? You don't know Dan McMan from Oney's Grump? I swear. People these days are so uneducated. I fell for it. 10/10 would reply again.

[@FakeSugarVillain]

Dan's big secret ended up being one entire hour of really sincere and open feelings

[@mediocreandworse59]

I was worried that Ryan would have died of lung cancer before this moment but it finally happened D'Artagnan from GrouchyGamers is on the podcast!

[@mandragonna]

I love that every conversation Dan is involved in, there's always this energy of positivity, honesty and also a little touch of philosophical introspection of life, those kind of topics that everyone is thinking about but hardly bring up to conversation because of fear of vulnerability. Really enjoyable podcast

[@myner49er15]

Okay now this is epic

[@cicada8790]

why does this have so many likes

[@zipp4910]

@@cicada8790 cause its epic man.

[@aca9874]

Next on their list of guests Ben Shapiro

[@Sky_Guy]

this comment is so epic. alexa play fortnite

[@vapegoddtodd1551]

As a vape godd, I can confirm this statement

[@fullmetalzombieeater]

I just wanna give Ryan a hug

[@RUPPLEPUPPLE]

Wow! Dan Avidan from OneyPlays!

[@Olderbutstillalwaysdrowsy]

Man, this one cut deep. Emotions just kind of come out, but I always appreciate these kinds of talks. Just the life stories and being real makes me choked up from reflecting on things that are happening in my life. I love you all.

[@jhostmusic]

This is the best podcast. Not because of Dan. Because of the topics discussed. Super good podcast you guys. Feel proud of yourselves.

[@CartoonWarStudios]

Amen.

[@goodnightcorp.]

Isis in space is still my favorite

[@islandboy9381]

It's because of Dan they had these deep discussions in the first place

[@horsebox5138]

@@goodnightcorp. which one?

[@lukeothedukeo]

@@goodnightcorp. What episode is that?

[@sidesandwhich5975]

This is now tied for my favorite supermegacast. The episode that you guys had “Ryan takes a high school girl to prom” is still up there because of how funny that bit was but the level of seriousness and deepness with this one was great. Happy to see you guys got Dan on finally. Keep up the great work boys!!

[@HandofFate-im7ur]

Side Sandwhich Which episode was that?

[@sidesandwhich5975]

Hand of Fate1315 episode 48 Ryan takes a high school girl to prom lol

[@chandlerreaves5625]

Well, SuperMega has officially peaked. Later, boys 😎

[@MoistMan420]

Chandler Reaves they haven’t even begun to peak

[@ArchDennam]

Something else has peaked as well. *Someone

[@c00mwall]

you got no idea king, the funny brothers just hit their biggest milestone yet

[@jacemcconkey409]

SuperMegaCst - EP 116: Dan's Bigger Secret (ft. Dan Avidan Part 2)

[@arcturus8896]

uh oh

[@Venislovas]

This comment aged interestingly

[@noahmay7708]

@@Venislovas And yours even more so.

[@Venislovas]

@@noahmay7708 Yeah.

[@mikamekaze]

It's Kenny G! Saxophone Player!

[@steez7437]

Keep blowin. Kenny G

[@sp8cey]

Thatsa Kenny G, famous saxophone player

[@bluelfsuma]

"Adults are just large kids." That... is the most _real_ statement I've ever heard in my life. Please tell me that's a shirt. If not, I'll just have to draw it in sharpie for myself.

[@jamesadamo2131]

Dear Matt and Ryan from SuperMega I have formulated this messages to ask of you to please bring back the Pokémon Emerald Let's Play series. I miss the series and I am dissapointed that it had ended. Eventhough this series ended over a year ago, it would be very appreciated by not only myself but many other SuperMega fans I'm sure. It was an amazing journey, watching Condle, Breloom, Goodfriend and the rest of the gang's development on their adventure with Tarzan. I was excited to watch Holes 2 grow into a big strong metal boi. I wanted to see how the Pokémon, Isreal and Palestine, got along. I wanna hear some more of those glorious Christian songs. I'm now sad and I would be very happy if you would bring it back, please. Lots of love James Adamo PS. I am from the poor counrty of South Africa so if you would please give me the little bit of hope to keep me going in this wild, disease riddled land.

[@sayuyuyuyu]

Damn i thought i was the only one from SA that watches the supermega bois

[@mr.bungaloo6177]

The country of the rising sun seconds this and signs the petition

[@josephmcdonagh8389]

South Africa? Yeesh. WAIT. Do you know what muertoo means in Afrikaans? I heard my neighbor saying it and was curious. XD

[@shablam49]

I come back to this episode every now and then, kind of as a “comfort food” podcast of sorts. Love the topics and how genuine Dan is when he talks in this setting. Im glad the guys are back and hope they keep going as far as they want

[@TaylorYdg]

agreed! this and a handful of other episodes, cheers man

[@laralova9119]

movie review and dan on the podcast... still waiting for that minecraft novella trilogy with arin...

[@trivkills]

Guys I'm not the type of fan to normally comment on your videos/podcasts, but this one takes the cake. This one was very deep and really connected with me.

[@MrFlopalopagos]

I’ve been subscribed to super mega for over a year and this is the first time I’ve gone and looked at Daniel and Cyndago and I’m so glad I did, such a talented guy ❤️

[@goodnightcorp.]

Why hadn't you? Also this isn't daniel... I might have read that wrong

[@bustinmayo6595]

Over 2 years later, this is still my favorite supermega cast. Most of them just consist of talking about news and making jokes, but this one manages to hit so hard and dan talks about so many important things while still being funny.

[@datlyf7616]

Dan is the most vulnerable person in the whole group and it's adorable

[@alexjoseph7772]

I've been looking forward to Dan's episode. I love hearing you guys be more serious. I love the "funny youtube men" but listening to three insightful intelligent dudes sharing their thoughts is really nice

[@hayliep]

This is probably my favorite episode

[@jagajag2575]

I like how the one episode Dan is on also happens to be the one where we find out the most about Matt and Ryan’s personal lives

[@theolynn1736]

blonde boyz rule the world..... and my heart

[@senyorpretty8406]

Wow! Ninja Brian was really funny in this podcast

[@malvonanaliseiv8629]

This comment is underated.

[@corrine1133]

This was such a good podcast, I love Dan's wisdom and I love the dynamic you three had while talking about real shit. Religion and death are hard topics to talk about but this was so easy to listen to.

[@Uncl3Funcl3]

This is the most serious and deep episode yet. It was great

[@SkilesHasFun]

Yeah, Taller Finn Wolfhard really delved into some heavy subjects.

[@benpurdy2689]

The movie review show is happening,Dan's on the podcast,this channel is going uphill

[@byazura9824]

I like your profile picture I just beat the that game

[@0subscriberschallenge540]

Lel

[@DoubleT4596]

I love that Dan always makes things that are really deep feel so natural and easy to talk about. Dan has to be one of the wisest and amazing guys I've known on KZbin. I always try to emulate how calm and level headed he seems to be in certain parts of my own life.

[@maryharris4216]

Best podcast episode to date. Hands down

[@BeccHoldsPencil]

youtube algorithm has some fine dark humor

[@dillionpaterson4475]

Ikr

[@Myaelana]

Is it weird that this podcast like,,, helped my anxiety? That sounds dumb but it really did! After listening to y’all talk very openly and deeply about such raw aspects of life I feel lighter and more grounded. I don’t know why, maybe because I’m so used the haha funny boys and not used to the people Matt, Ryan and Dan. I admire y’all very much, thank you for your content!! Love this episode ❤️❤️❤️

[@smokexkillz]

Anxiety and feeling anxious for a few minutes are different things

[@Myaelana]

SMOKE KILLZ I mean you’re not wrong but idk why that’s relevant? I know dude, I take medicine for diagnosed anxiety. Lmfao but sure please mansplain more

[@smokexkillz]

I just dont see how youtubers can cure anxiety. But please womansplain it to me

[@Myaelana]

SMOKE KILLZ I never said they “cured my anxiety”, simply that they helped brighten my day. Idk what your problem is but whatever dude have a nice day ya fuck

[@willowism]

@@smokexkillz the hell is your problem dude

[@MattLuceen]

This was such a great episode.

[@corncobjohnsonreal]

If you squint you can see that Matt was using beta-blockers this episode

[@Silversky1113]

Love how meaningful and thought provoking this one was. Please bring dan on more.

[@LilyN2099]

oh man... i didnt click this expecting to feel such an array of emotions..

[@felix56p]

47:38 that’s the saddest tone i’ve ever heard matt say something in

[@batterybandit]

my ears have been blessed

[@jessefernandez5619]

1:14:17 When Ryan mentions how this isn’t a haha kind of podcast but engaging conversation, it was really cathartic for me to shed light on issues I had been repressing for a while. I don’t think I would have done that right now had it not been for the topic of conversation and all three of these awesome people opening up. Thank you, guys. 🤘🏼

[@Treebender117]

here they are guys, the big bang bazinga bing bong boys

[@JesusLovesHisSheep]

i can almost feel ryan’s boomin bahonkas boink out of his shirt

[@losticarus3363]

Dan cannot do a podcast, or talk in general, without getting into deep subjects!

[@LumpKingDLO]

Had me in the first half ngl

[@TigerBears11]

THEY’VE DONE IT! THE BEAUTIFUL SWEET BOYS HAVE DONE IT!

[@vergecorrine]

Tiger Bears THE DAY HAS FINALLY COME

[@realglueman1200]

MATT HAS FINALLY STOPPED SAYING THE N WORD IN THE PODCAST, YES!!

[@itsgrapes5163]

Im friends with a lot of ppl with mental illnesses and just very recently got through my own uphill battle. When they talk about Daniel it really reminds me to treasure these people.

[@PtB-qt5bl]

Well.... I guess we finally found out dans big secret

[@taterpertater9811]

Well I guess the secret wasn’t real

[@joshuawilliams9247]

How prescient, the concepts on KZbin discussed on this video with what ended up happening. Glad the boys are back.

[@jarlbalgruuf2415]

The podcast should've abruptly ended as Dan was telling his secret

[@Jenetik1]

i wasn't expecting the grieving talk, my older brother died 2 years ago and this podcast hit me hard.

[@jack_barr]

I AM ALIVE FOR THIS MOMENT. won't actually listen to this until like sunday ha

[@Char1ieC]

Danny DeVito on Supermega?? Never thought I'd see the day

[@HarryKaktus]

This must be one of my favorite podcast, thank you a lot for talking about all of this. You are great ,guys.

[@cooberr]

ive only been a fan of you guys for a few months but its nice to see some of the realest conversation out there. those last few minutes were tearjerkingly therapeutic

[@Gabby-vi2oq]

Just audibly gasped in the middle of my office

[@Goblindeez935]

Did you do the beta male face?

[@Gabby-vi2oq]

Collin polen I’m always beta male smiling at any given moment

[@islandboy9381]

Swag dude

[@Goblindeez935]

@@Gabby-vi2oq good

[@31nic]

55:17 that was such a genuine "shut the fuck up" from danny i love it

[@w33ks32]

First John Stamos, now Daniel Radcliffe?!

[@couriertx]

Man, another podcast that hit me with feels. Anything with Dan Avidan in it would open up an revelation in my life. Thank you Matt Watson, Ryan Magee, Dan Avidan, Arin and Suzy Hanson, and everyone in Game Grumps, Supermega, and Oneyplays for being there in my life indirectly.

[@goner2817]

Psychicpebbles would be a great guest.

[@spartankongcountry6799]

Ohhh yesssss.

[@SOjeda-vg8bl]

I wish

[@bradseeker]

i entered looking for the goofs/gaffs and left more mentally stable than i've been in a while

[@phoskalade]

Fuck dude I feel like I just got cold water poured on my head and a slap. I don't even know what grief or what problem I have to dig up to move on at the moment but I feel so ready to do it rn

[@bradseeker]

@@phoskalade right?? like i've never had any big life events that hit like that but i'll be damned if it didn't i wasn't thinkin about my late good boy :/

[@papachubnubs8664]

FINALLY THE GOOD BOY MAKES HIS APPEARENCE!!!

[@thomasross6824]

Koichi Pose Requiem Act 4 3 Freeze

[@epitaph574]

@@thomasross6824, Sick reference.

[@HenriRN]

Step aside

[@CartoonWarStudios]

39 y/o boy.

[@LeighK-c6e]

This one hit deep, i am truly thankful for you guys doing whatever you’re doing. I was really suicidal lately but I still went out and talked to a friend and as hard as it was, i reached out for help and hearing your advice always helps me talk some sense into me! Please never stop creating content, love you boys and danny

[@MilkcartonAngel]

00 2 I know this was a year ago but I’m glad you were doing well then and I hope your doing well now

[@c00mwall]

checkin in 4 years later, hope everything’s going well friend. really glad you were able to reach out for help before anything got worse and i hope everything’s staying steady

[@joshc7442]

Man that was a very wholesome podcast big mcthanky boys

[@justinm7614]

I've watched this podcasts many times over the past two years and I just now got what dan was talking about when it came to letting things sink in

[@jonnie0004]

Man I was expecting a fun and laid back episode, especially since Danny was on. But that shit got deep. I sure did enjoy it though.

[@candiedlemonz]

Me too

[@deltaloraine]

This is one of my favorite podcasts. Always love coming back to listen to Dan's wisdom.

[@ghost00e]

Can’t wait for the new podcast episodes from the funny brothers

[@fallattum]

This is the best podcast I’ve ever listened to. Like this shit hurted. This felt like a conversation you have with a few of your friends super late at night in your basement where you open everything up to eachother and just let your hearts bleed. Loved this, even better with danny, this blew my mind. Thank you

[@Pspnky]

Finally they got Daddy Avidad

[@forgetbeams]

this episode made me cry. it felt like matt, ryan and dan were giving me a little heartfelt lecture. the things they said about confronting grief and the deep-rooted problems you face before they start to ruin your relationships, that was so raw and personal. thanks guys!

[@Lil_Yuri]

Damn man, listening to this again hits different 😔

[@slimedork5464]

i found this on christmas day night (the early hours of the next day) and it's really impacted on me, like i was meant to find it thank you so much

[@greeblothegoblin]

This podcast episode has to be my new favorite, it also really helped out with a lot of things happening in my life. Thank you so much for everything SuperMega and Dan, you're my favorite channel. Keep up the great work, regardless if you read this or not!

[@zachwoolley8500]

This episode has the perfect blend of humour and thoughtful discussion. Definitely my favourite so far

[@grubbu7073]

And that was the secret dan gifted the boys after all *emotional pain*

[@hounddragon]

I come back to visit this episode a lot, it just always makes me feel good.

[@avo5662]

Didn't expect an episode with Danny Sexbang to be one of the most serious

[@angelangel_angel]

thats because we got Dan Avidan instead, one of the realest dudes on earth.

[@shinigamikaiko8523]

How is it that Dan always manages to bring out the smart in people. That's why I love this man.

[@turkeysamwich00]

they finally have Dan and it's more than an hour aaaaaaaaaaaaa!

[@phillipjohn4800]

This episode was so deep and personal... I loved it. This is probably one of my favorite episodes

[@mr.farenheit4111]

This is one of the greatest episodes from this podcast. Danny made such a brilliant contribution. Fuckin love this shit.

[@indyfox007]

"Dan's finally here," memes aside, this was one of the more intimate podcasts as far as I remember and I just wanted to say I appreciate the way you opened up. It helped me come to terms with some personal stuff, so sincerely thank you guys.

[@franksanchez7356]

I periodically come back to this podcast for the part at 19:13 . Makes me bust out laughing everytime

[@bellabean9769]

The three year thing they mentioned makes so much sense. My dad died in 2016. I suppressed my grief and didn’t deal with it at all. By 2019 I ended up in a psych ward because I was having suicidal thoughts. That kinda forced me to start facing my grief. I started therapy and medication and now (2021) I am in a much better place.