Feeling low when not restricting

This video is about Feeling low when not restricting

[@aislinncooling5834]

I think it’s also partially to do with the fact that often (not in every case but in a lot of cases) restricting is an avoidance strategy, developed as a coping mechanism for otherwise dysregulated emotions. In my case, restriction and compulsive exercise was an utter distraction from past trauma, a mechanism I adopted to ‘filter out’/suppress anything unpleasant. That was why it was exciting. That was why I felt low when I didn’t restrict, because I didn’t know how to otherwise process emotions and distress. When I no longer used restriction as my coping strategy, I was left with all these feelings that I wasn’t sure what to do with so I just felt heavy and low.

[@eff0_o]

yes yes yes this 100%

[@annelieseleach6262]

1:00 - 1:37 put into words for me what I could never articulate. That anticipation that "if I get to a super low weight and don't eat now I can eat all the things I'm craving later" mind set in which "later" never actually comes.

[@lilbsbluvr07]

Sometimes I watch you just for a good laugh. Your candor and freedom to speak your wisdom while eating toast, freaking love you

[@an-arouseblogspotcom6804]

totally relate. I just love Tabitha's attitude! I must admit that nothing help me as much on the Internet (in ed recovery context) like this YT channel! Thank YOU VERY MUCH!

[@hannahsherwood2940]

What about “ not spoiling your appetite for later”??? That gets me every time ☠️

[@amandasmith3306]

Yes!!! Me too! How do you overcome this?

[@Dannan1989]

My 'hope' and 'thing to look forward to' and 'be excited about' when restricting wasn't eating food later or in the future... it was eventually finally getting skinny/thin enough, which meant beautiful and happy and fulfilled and worthy. That's where the happiness came from when I was restricting, and the reason for the low 'no hope, nothing to look forward to'-type of mood when I started recovery. But that never happened either, no matter how skinny I had gotten... I was just dying instead. My problem wasnt with my body, it was (is, because I still struggle) with my head. I thought I couldn't be beautiful and happy and enjoy life unless I was thin enough. But I'm slowly learning that's totally wrong.

[@electric-matrix-angel.mp3668]

SillyWillow same here! If I didn’t restrict I’d feel like I wasted the day and made no progress in getting skinnier

[@katierosemilone6895]

this is exactly my current situation. i hope everything is going better with you now!!

[@ripps999p]

I've also struggled with the same feelings for over 25 years. Thankyou for putting it down here o that others can relate.

[@amberbeam4248]

I remember when I started recovering but now i see that the recovery I went through when I was underweight wasn't really recovering. Because I was fine eating (how I should be) but when I started weight gain it stopped. I am a healthy weight now but don't have a healthy mind. Our bodies and behavious aren't good examples of our minds. Just eating meals and being a healthy weight doesn't mean recovery.

[@chrissy_south75]

So true Amber. What you see on the outside doesn't reflect the internal conflict. Someone may be weight restored but still incredibly broken & tortured mentally by the ED.

[@ifzanabegum5465]

I swear it is so scary how accurate your perception is. I was literally experiencing this lately and more so today, so coming across this video was a godsend. I just don't know how to fully let go. I'm terrified. I've been giving into extreme hunger lately and so I don't feel 'anorexic' anymore, especially with the dramatic changes in my body especially in the abdomen which is a major trigger area for me. Any advice would be much appreciated x

[@megstephens5952]

I love the fact that you don't need edits, perfect lighting, microphones and all of that.... your words and your knowledge is what communicates. You're right, not everyone will get what you're talking about.. but soooo many people do, and it makes it all the more special for us. Thank you Tabitha

[@gracieswonderland1914]

This spoke to me SO much. However recovered Iike to think of myself as, I'm definitely still in this "halfway house" you talk about. I do still restrict and it's true that I'm fearful of "if I eat this now, I can't enjoy my food later", "if I eat this now, I can't eat this croissant that I've planned for my supper" well do you know what? SCREW THAT! I'LL FLAMING WELL EAT THIS NOW AND MY CROISSANT LATER AND WHATEVER I WANT IN BETWEEN!!!!

[@tiffanylyman-olszewski7359]

YES. I can SO relate to this... There's always that sense of "later"... If only I "suffer/discipline" myself now...

[@carolyngeneva3913]

Something you just said here, totally resonated with me. Like I really just had a light bulb moment.

[@steffis4480]

BULL'S EYE! :( This was me for such a long time... The Type "Later! At night!". Half way recovered, but still restricting in another way I did before. Foolisch ED trap and I stepped in :( Since I found your amazing Blog and read your book, I did what I needed to do: Stop it and eat properly during the day, stop every compulsive movement, rest on my coach like a boss .... I am proud of doing all this! Because I couldn't have ever imagined doing this! But yes - feeling low describes exactly how I am feeling right now. Alone, empty, sad, depressed, ... Suddenly I doubt, suddenly I'm afraid of eating too much and doing too less. Even if I know that this is the voice of the ED. To let this "mental restriction" finally go - what I wasn't able to for years - it leaves just such an EMPTINESS inside me! The ED filled my whole day for over 10 years and since I started recovery - I just don't know who I am or what else my brain could think ybout anymore :( This is depressive for me :( Recovery is so hard, it hurts so much.... but it's important to feel this pain during recovery isn't it? If I wouldn't I wouldn't leave my comfort zone. EDs traps semm to be everywhere. :( Thanks for your great supporting words to keep going. For me your video came at the right time! Thanks so much

[@steffis4480]

To overcome this "mental restriction" (love that you gave it a name) is what I wish for and what I am working on at the moment 💪

[@baharshokoohi4891]

I am exactly there... weight restored, eating a lot more food than before including fear foods (fat & carbs) but I feel like I have to watch what I eat because then how do I justify the pasta or chips I feel like having for dinner. I just CAN NOT allow myself to eat whatever the fuck I want. Do you have any tips on how to just get over this barrier and ALLOW myself to eat whatever I want??? Why do I need permission to eat??? Please help me out. I really really appreciate your blunt response to this fucking ED. 🙏🏽

[@fibee8324]

I felt exactly like this until, just the other day, it hit me - yes, I COULD still eat whatever I wanted to later as well!! In fact, I could do whatever the hell I wanted to! It's kind of a game-changer in recovery.

[@rockbythetree]

When I’m not restricting, but trying not to eat too much”, I don’t get low & depressed as much as I get quite anxious & panicky because I’m concerned about all of the “what if’s” later on.

[@chrissy_south75]

Yes, yes, yes Tab. Thank you! I sooooo get this. When I am in extreme restriction I HATED the feeling that I had to "wait" ie finished a meal, now have to wait a long time until I can eat again. But it was my reward, if I waited long enough, then I could eat again. Now I'm trying to eat a lot more I'm feeling incredibly depressed and that is because I'm in the half-way mode of eating what I want, but with that voice going "ok pull it in a bit, you don't want to lose control of your eating & go overboard & get fat"...........just thinking about it all the time is mentally exhausting 😩

[@issymather8116]

For me its definitely the mental restriction that I struggle with! Also feeling guilt for not exercising that day or as much as those around me, comparing how much and what I eat to others (mostly my older sister who was always the "skinny one") and going through waves of not allowing myself to enjoy foods I love because they aren't "healthy". On occasion I make myself exercise when I don't want to (sometimes I'm tired or have other things to do e.g. homework) but simply do it to know that I've burnt calories so I can feel like I actually deserve food to "fuel" my muscle gain!

[@deyaniraramos1396]

Definitely the feelings I use to and still do get. The brain works this way when you are struggling with an eating disorder....very true, very common...oooh yea...the waiting..lol oooh gosh!!!! Thank you for sharing this Tabatha, did make sense .

[@32starsandsugar]

Wow. Not many people talk about this not even like the therapists I've talked to/seen on youtube....thanky ou for putting this out there.

[@joannx98]

So happy I have found you! You are helping me so much through my recovery and even making me laugh. You are such a fun and uplifting person to watch! (from 6.02 sec) :) Thank you!

[@amberbeam4248]

It's actually very intersting with people like you, because after being surrounded by you and others similar online I feel like a bubble is formed, and I forget how misunderstanding the world is, even friends and family. And while that is sad, it's amazing that we have this community because throughout video's like these I nod along and I'm like "yep, that makes sense, yep, I agree, I had the same/similar experience (sometimes I don't relate at all but thats not the point). It's like when I find a video and I think "that's not me at all, I don't understand any of this>" I'm still comforted because I know others will.

[@alexandraknowd9477]

WOW this is me right now! I’m low because I’m eating a lot during the day and it gets to night time I feel so low but then I binge anyway and then feel even worse that I’ve eaten absolutely everything in the kitchen at midnight when I’ve already consumed 3000 calories during the day yet not fully let go of all restrictions. So I am gaining weight at a rapid rate!

[@alexjones9763]

Just discovered all your amazing videos. But this one is one that I can relate to the most. This is where I am now and I’ve been wondering (for sooo long) why I feel like this, and specifically why I restrict during the day and eat in the evening. This has helped me a lot. Thank you. Your understanding and explainations are so much more helpful than anything I have ever read or heard before. I don’t feel alone anymore, I feel like I now have the support I’ve been looking for to take the next step.

[@chrissygo651]

How recognisable 🙌🙊😇

[@moll6862]

You have just open my eyes so much I’ve been doing mental restriction for so long I’m feeling so low and now I know why thank you so much!❤️

[@ellenanning3672]

This is exactly where I am at the moment and it's so bloody frustrating, but now it makes more sense... I think. Also I wanted to ask - the first few weeks of my recovery seemed like a 'honeymoon period'. A month in, the voice is coming back, everyday louder than I remember it, and I'm having to consciously fight so much harder... Is this 'normal'?? I mean yes I was naive to think the voice was gone, but why does it seem so much louder? I feel like I've gone absolutely mad, someone please reassure me 😞 So much love to this community 😘

[@Soldier76sTennisSocks]

I am in absolutely the same place now love!! two and a half months/three months in and the voice is sooooooo loud right now! I guess it's because in the first few weeks, my ED was not THAT prominent because my body was still somehow 'thin' or socially acceptable proportioned, and as I kept going on and gaining more weight (and that weight being distributed very unevenly, mainly on my stomach and thighs), my ED came back full force like "See??? Now it happened, you are FAT now, you can't keep on like this, you will gain and gain and none of your clothes fit you already!!! Surely you can't eat even MORE on top of that????" but I realised that the voice becoming louder, and my body evolving... it's actually just my ED voice fearing for it's dear life. Because it understood that this wasn't just another 2-week-attempt of mine of "I'll recover but only as long as i'll stay skinny????", but the real deal this time. And ED has started to fear my determination. Rightfully so! F*ck the voice. We'll all do this together, guys 😘 😘

[@steffis4480]

Same here :( I think this is just normal as you leave your comfort zone. ED gets loader the more we ignore its silly rules, which we have been living for for such a long time. It will pass hopefully the more we do the right things... Keep ignoring ED and do whatever is right for us! Keep going ❤💪

[@steffis4480]

Just wanted to share this wonderful picture with you! :) That's why we will continue :) scontent.fmuc3-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/fr/cp0/e15/q65/37191553_2184205475196811_6014316268788645888_o.jpg?_nc_cat=0&efg=eyJpIjoidCJ9&oh=03a0d19f10a90a6cb5589f5911ab6ca0&oe=5BD4DF5D

[@rachelmaria251]

ABSOLUTELY, this seems to be very common in recovery. So don’t worry, you are NOT alone! 🤗 In fact, I believe my “honeymoon” was even shorter. And, again, I can completely attest to the ED “voice” only becoming louder as you progress through recovery; the more I challenge it (both mentally and physically, with weight gain), the worse it gets. I know it can feel like you’re moving backwards in recovery when this happens but I’d say that it’s only a good sign - the more you piss off the ED, the more it will fight back. Anyway, I hope that reassures you a little. Sending all encouragement in the world (we’ve got this! 💪🏼) 😘💜

[@kelseyothling2848]

I’m struggling because it doesn’t matter if I’m at a low weight or a higher weight- I’m still depressed and food focused. So then I think it’s better to be depressed and skinny rather than depressed and at a normal weight that makes me feel even more depressed

[@raerae2964]

same :(

[@eff0_o]

thisssss

[@edenlotjonen6797]

YES!! I really recognize myself in this..

[@franchipaniiii5547]

I can totally relate to that! But my ed would tell me, that if I am only allowed in recovery to eat as much as I want, I will have to restrict after that again, bc I can not say anymore then that I am in recovery. I know that this is messed up...

[@nishasankaran]

Yes! The middle place difficulties...i thank im kind of getting there rn

[@jags-gb4dm]

Oh how i love you Tabitha & yeah people without an eating disorder would think "what the fuck"! Lol 😘

[@neurodivergentdawn]

Struggling with this. Thank you

[@alexvangroningen]

This is so helpful for my recovery, I’m gonna show my parents this too. I hope my dad will finally agree if I’m gonna eat without restriction. But how did you deal with your body then?xx Annefleur

[@amberbeam4248]

That toast 😍🍞

[@chrissy_south75]

😂😂😂

[@taylorschulz8467]

amazing

[@tatteredquilt]

I miss the endorphins. A lot. I'm definitely still restricting- but being overweight, it's like some horrible 'thing' to have full eating privileges...

[@kathleendowner6506]

It stops us living in the moment

[@eleonoreconstant]

If you became anorexic because you were depressed and stopped eating because of that, getting out of anorexia won't remove the depression.. any advice on that?

[@jacqui9113]

Eleonore Constant in my experience anorexia exacerbated my depression. So you might be pleasantly surprised if you try recovery and the depression might not be as bad a you imagine it to be....?

[@eleonoreconstant]

Thanks Jacqui! You're probably right. I wish I could be motivated by something to help me move forward... but i guess even with something to look forward to it'd still be crazy hard to truly recover. Fuck life sometimes really... and fuck this disease 24/7!

[@jacqui9113]

You'll get there don't you worry! Just keep going for now doing the research and learning, one day it will be easier to change then it will be to keep on this way ❤

[@chrissy_south75]

The two go hand in hand for me (ED & anxiety and/or depression) - my GP asked me the other day if I was "feeling depressed" and I just looked at him, gobsmacked AF. How would it be possible to have an ED and be underweight and NOT be depressed????? I can't imagine it tbh. But looking back, I realise my anxiety & depression were always there in the background, having an ED just brought those things to the foreground if that makes any sense at all 😫

[@eleonoreconstant]

yes it makes sense... feeling hopeless for the future but i've been listening to this channel lately and it's help if you wanna try it out: kzbin.info/door/6M_EhnSSdTG_SXUp6IAWmQ