Take a Break from Your Relationship Drama: Get Perspective (Anxious Attachment)

Hello. Thanks for checking out my KZbin channel.
In my videos, I like to talk about Psychology, Healing Attachment Trauma, Relationship Repair, Inner Child Self-Re-Parenting, Love Addiction, Codependency, Grieving Break Ups, Family Programming, Fantasy Relationships, The Romantic Narrative, Primal Panic, Trauma Bonding, Double-Binds, Attachment Styles, Couples Counseling, Better Boundaries, Shame and Self-love, CPTSD Breakthroughs, Emotional Availability, and Body-Focused Psychotherapy for Healing Trauma..
☑️ Heal Your Relationships = #relationships
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Alan Robarge, LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor,
Attachment-Focused, Trauma-Informed,
Psychotherapist and Relationship Educator
Emotional Connections Matter!
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Take a Break from Your Relationship Drama: Get Perspective (Anxious Attachment)
In this video, I talk about re-calibrating the way we think about our relationships. They do not need to be as centrally and intensely the focus of so much distress.
Questions to answer in the comments section:
What is one thing you learned from listening to this video?
What is one takeaway you can apply to your personal healing process?
Remember to leave a comment. What is your takeaway from this video?
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☑️ Want to learn more about relationships? Then, sign up for the Everyday Relating Questionnaire.
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Take a Break from Your Relationship Drama: Get Perspective (Anxious Attachment)

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Hello Subscribers: Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing. One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating. Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning! As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on KZbin. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through. I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly. That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on KZbin. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos. If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions ____ Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships. The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met. While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response. Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz ____ I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work. You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive. Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community ____ Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate ____ Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos. And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!” Best regards, Alan Robarge Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist www.alanrobarge.com/

[@Killane10]

Thanks Alan Love the authenticity and wisdom in every video❤

[@DanielleFerreira-kt7ix]

You helped me so much during my breakup! I've been on no contact for almost one month and I'm thriving! A couple of weeks ago I was suicidal!! Thank you for all you are doing for humanity!

[@hightidesmrforever2themoon449]

Dani SF HUGS

[@Augfordpdoggie]

so many people out there to date, you deserve better.....go and get it. it is your only life, why settle? fck that

[@hightidesmrforever2themoon449]

dani what does no contact or oder mean?

[@hightidesmrforever2themoon449]

augford, i agree, there re so many nice fish in the sea, they are just harder to find

[@hightidesmrforever2themoon449]

auford, i was looking at your profile..this is so weird...i saw the Chappelle - Racist video for the first time today. i felt so weird watching it because i was literally laughing my butt off, yet feeling like i'm doing something bad by watching it,and laughing so hard. it was such a strange video lol wasn't it? haha.

[@KeithHill2]

Great video ending Alan..take a break from relationship drama and laugh a little along the way. It's refreshing to see the humorous side of you.

[@mtngirlbunny9290]

Lol....the banana trick and the sudden silence caught the attention of the noisy inner me and it decided to listen to you and go do something else instead of ruminate!!! Yep...you understand the mind ruts!!!!

[@Augfordpdoggie]

I think we do this because we have unbalanced lives, and are not engaged enough in living

[@Jasmian]

Augford P. Doggie I so agree

[@WatchtheWaters12]

Augford P. Doggie you’re so right!

[@sheeni8129]

Good point

[@nataliaturner4845]

Most of the anger I have toward my partner is that he refuses to live his life and expects us to sit here & rot along with him & I hate him for it

[@YoGirlWhitneySol]

My favorite part, the banana. I will take my break. Thank you for making light of this ♡

[@JulkaNY1]

I am in awe how much your videos are able to dissolve my deep seated issues... "When the student is ready, the teacher apears". Thank you Alan so much, words cannot express it. You're making the world a softer and more loving place with your work. ❤❤❤

[@theredpetal1607]

I've spent the last 50mins folding clothes listening to your videos because I just had an argument with my partner and feeling extremely triggered, but the ending of this video cracked me up so hard..haha and finally brought some joy in my day. Thank you Alan!! It's 9:03pm and it's the first time I've smiled all day.

[@jamin6517]

Thank you so much for dedicating your life to your work. The fact that you can remain rational to create these videos even in the midst of your own stuff is really admirable. You helped me more than any counselor I’ve ever met with, book I have read, and other videos I have watched. Ty

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Jami, I am glad my work has been so helpful to you over the months. Practicing these skills is essential to learning new behaviors and having new experiences. Getting support from others who are learning as well is very helpful for many people. That is one of the reasons I created the Improve your Relationships online community. It is not a therapy group, but a skills learning community which many people find very helpful as an adjunct to therapy. I am glad that you are doing your healing work and find this material helpful on your journey. www.alanrobarge.com/community

[@kalinjax]

I absolutely love you. I really value honesty above everything and sometimes honesty can be so brutal. Your videos are honest but not in a way that crushes the spirit. It really gives me hope that I can end this toxic cycle I’ve been in most of life. And the banana break is a whole MOOD. Very inspiring. Thank you!!

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

I appreciate the kind feedback. Thank you for sharing the videos give you hope. Thank you for valuing my effort and glad my work brings benefit. If this content is helpful then you may also like taking part in our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community

[@bellakrinkle9381]

Alan...you absolutely guided me into a different perspective - have realized that perhaps most relationships such as the one I had was only reliving the mother-daughter relationship. I have been listening to Gabor Mate in addition to many of your videos. I am now emotionally free of Mother....who I "mothered" since my 20s... (or perhaps would not let go of) A sad/rage filled LOL. My experience leads me to think most of us toxically attached souls are only reliving our childhoods in an adult format.

[@dorapetkovic9851]

i can relate to this.. do you think we can heal?

[@HeidiZiegele]

OMG, it’s so great when you laugh!!!

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Thank you!

[@shouldbe4278]

What a great perspective to have! So crazy how I happened to find this video at such a perfect moment! My long distance boyfriend and I recently had an argument and things were a little weird until we talked tonight. We were laughing and having fun banter like we always do and I told him that I just wanted us to enjoy each other and have fun and stop with all of the other stupid bullshit that doesn’t matter. And I really meant it. I’m tired of going to extremes and missing out on all of the fun parts of being in a relationship because I’m obsessing and worrying about getting hurt! So dumb! No more unnecessary drama!

[@Jasmian]

Alan, this one is soooo gooood! thank you for being there

[@melaniacoppola702]

So wahrhaft, so human, so einsichtig, so großartig. Es entsteht beim Zuhören ein Gefühl des Vertrauens im Menschsein.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Thank you for the kind words and well said. I'm glad this video was so moving for you. I know when we mentioned that feeling of trust in being human in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. We learn so much from each other. Thanks again for the kind feedback. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2

[@maaikevermoen1727]

So funny!!! thanks for the change of perspective :-)

[@ytfeverguy8367]

'relationship drama is not that important'...but it feels important'--A. Robarge. Tears. Cheers. I love this man.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

thanks for the love

[@bellakrinkle9381]

A few more comments on being swept up in the drama. ..it does entertain us and gives daily focus...especially if it is not always toxic. But it's mostly spinning wheels. This Is why your work is SO IMPORTANT. You give us a chance to bring insight to drama...opening cracks to hope and sanity. I wish I could help the man who pointed me to your videos and many other videos that led me out of hell. However, I believe he must extricate himself from his hell. As we all must do with the wisdom and experience of many incredible men and women. Should life be so difficult? No, perhaps this is the reason for reincarnation - if such a thing exists.

[@veionellaspaine]

Omg I was soooo confused when you casually brought out that banana 😂 totally brought the point home though, great video!

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Vieonella, I am glad you got a good laugh out of it!

[@keamogetsoeipeleng5565]

Ha ha ha! Same here. Thanks.

[@lyrarchi1933]

A banana and some silence is all you need to shift perspective and LAUGH a LITTLE haha. You know us too well coming to your videos all worried and serious. Brilliant.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

lol... glad this video was helpful. Thank you for valuing my effort. If you like this video then you may also like to get in on the conversations in the Community Program, Improve You're Relationships. You're invited: www.alanrobarge.com/community

[@irisbloom5620]

What a brilliant man! With a really funny sense of humor!

[@HisaLight2mypath]

This video is amazing when I got consumed in the argument and Drama trying to get the person to react it's like I get dragged into it and I feel like the world is going to end but actually it's not it's all in my mind being amplified because of my attachment injury

[@mfass9428]

Thank you Alan!!! These videos are life changing!

[@irisbloom5620]

Great Alan! I am so much on the level with you. And, mind you, the reality is just an illusion. You are so right, first working on it, then it´s time to let go. It´s time to think about something else, for a change. :) Yes, I have been there for years. Now, I cannot be bothered.

[@marisaharris298]

3 yrs later, and I'm laughing with you at the end!

[@SarahFrom5to7]

😂 the ending had me dying. I love your spirit Alan! X

[@fxtwn]

Eating the banana had me laughing out loud. Needed this! Thank you Alan!

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

lol glad you like this one.

[@Aufwiedersin]

Alan you are amazing everytime when I feel overly stressed and anxious this video helps me lot ❤

[@rachelmaxwell5953]

I've just discovered you today and I am so happy that I did, this is another great video!

[@jennicawilton4322]

Absolutely perfect. Exactly what I needed at this moment. Thank you.

[@jeanetteannecchini1713]

haha the banana 🍌 eating part !

[@jordynmueller4990]

This made me laugh so hard! Thank you for all of your awesome content, and for making it fun :)

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

lol. Thanks. The banana bit was an accident. It was only after the fact of filming it that I thought, "Hey that would be funny if I used that video." In the moment, when I first start eating it, I'm thinking about having just messed up the take before. Then at the end when I laugh I realized that I could use the footage. So it made me laugh at loud how it fits so nicely with the message. It was accidental. Thanks for enjoying the humor. As I like to say, "Suffering is hilarious and grieving is sexy.

[@blueskies773]

“Take a break from the intensity of the longing, drama, what’s not going well.” I’m doing that now and I have a banana so I will enjoy that this morning ❤😂

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

lol glad my work brings benefit.

[@janisskylark]

the ending was excellent, thanks!

[@twinflames_111]

Love the banana part!!!!

[@junamoon3676]

At the end u made me laugh and connected :) thanks for your all advices about trauma bonding. I deep dive into your videos for a while. I'm 38 years old and still feeling the same pain while I break up from a realitionship and I want to chance this cause it still really hurts, ı feel like ı lost. I have to set myself free from this emotional unavailable love cycle. I realize the reasons and solutions while ı am listening you. Thank you so much

[@19katsandcounting]

I think you should do the George Costanza Seinfeld bit of eating an apple! 😂

[@itahayes6165]

Alan your an absolute gem, when I need perspective, there so much more going on in the world right now, a lot of real suffering, I have so many other blessing to focus on besides a relationship crisis. Thanks. ❤

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Glad this video spoke to you. Thank you for the kind words. And thanks for valuing my work. Glad it's helpful. If you like this content and would like to dive deeper into what gets in the way of allowing in perspective then you may like the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more. www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz

[@javiercastano7240]

Thats bananas

[@ConnieVC1066]

Now I get it! 😂 Thank you! 👍🏻

[@blueskies773]

❤ I was so struggling. Thank you.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

I hear you. Glad this is helpful. Thanks for valuing my effort.

[@yasminemahfuz7960]

You help me so much in my healing journey! Thanks

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Thanks for the feedback. Glad to hear the videos are helpful in your healing journey. If you'd like to learn how to engage more or support the continuation of my videos check out the options below: Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz Check out the Community, Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community Make a direct donation www.alanrobarge.com/donate Thanks again.

[@afterthisourexile6542]

You're a riot. I must say, i thought the punch line of the banana bit was going to be, "Ok, time's up. Relationship drama break time is OVER!"

[@bobjasper4805]

Not sure this is the best of your videos, certainly the most honest tell of who you are .. I listened to many of your videos as you have represented the opposite of me .. listening to you made me angry .. and that actually helps .. but my dear .. it is exactly because there are so many things in life .. love is so rare ..enjoy the world that is so full of people like you :)

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Thanks for letting me know this content was what you needed. Good for you for taking in a new perspective and checking out helpful resources.

[@biancaalexandratoma702]

Always coming back to this video when I feel like going crazy or possesive😂

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

I hear you. Glad this video is helpful.

[@aylabiu17]

Wait for it till the end haha my favourite part!! 😂

[@vivienlegeisha3425]

Hahaha. Alan. I’ve been binge watching your videos. This is your best video EVER!!! 😂

[@moonbeanification]

The right words at the right time ... I loved the comic relief with the banana :) Thank you Alan, your videos are helping me so much.

[@shaunabee]

I needed this!

[@evgeniamarkova3696]

Hahhahhahha!!!!! You are brilliant !!!! Absolute gold hahaha! Thank you!! :D much love ...

[@judycarlin3781]

Hahaha...agreed Alan Good reminder....

[@jessenoelle262]

😂😂 I love you, Alan. And I love the sound of your laughter!

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Glad you love this content. It loves you back lol. Appreciate your feedback and thanks for the compliment. Please also share this video with friends or others who may like it.

[@missk2177]

Sitting here all heartbroken and laughed for the forst time in a while. Thank you

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

I'm glad that this helped you laugh, even for just a moment. Heartbreak can be so difficult to navigate - my empathy goes out to you. Grief is one of the topics we cover in the 8 week online community program I created. There is a full video library in the community for members to access 24/7 and a whole section of videos on the topic of grief. We explore the "how" in the community. Practicing these skills is essential to learning new behaviors and having new experiences. Getting support from others who are learning as well is very helpful for many people. It is not a therapy group, but a skills learning community which many people find very helpful as an adjunct to therapy. Please consider joining us in the conversation over at Improve Your Relationships. www.alanrobarge.com/community

[@missk2177]

@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma thank you so much Alan. Your effort is highly appreciated.

[@yesyoga]

This is making sense, and sinking in. Thank you. 👏🏼✅

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Glad my work speaks to you. Thanks for valuing my efforts. If you like this video then you may also be interested in jumping in on the conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're welcome to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community

[@gemmapayne3225]

The banana 🍌!! Lol 😆

[@shutitdown656]

masterful

[@debbievoss3496]

We want to feel LOVED and we want to LOVE.

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Thanks for the comment.

[@UnrulyHousewife]

You are very insightful and helpful. Thanks. x

[@hannahboweresox6692]

Thank you for that laugh. I needed that.

[@mousseva]

You became the priority

[@christinarollison]

Thank you for your channel! The banana bit was awesome!

[@Nawsteezy]

Alan, Alan, Alan.......you've done it again.

[@joshual2704]

I've never seen this channel is the banana thing normal

[@katc6823]

Thank you Allen love the ending

[@gunitasgramata]

Thank You so much. Absolutly love this your video. It was so helpful in my difficult time. 🤗

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Thank you for valuing my content. Good to know the videos and posts are helpful. I am glad you benefit from the effort and time investment it takes to offer quality content. Please consider joining us in the membership community to show your support and/or becoming a sustaining supporter with a donation. Making a contribution supports the continuation of more quality content. FYI/ www.alanrobarge.com/community and/or www.alanrobarge.com/donate

[@southernsoul152]

You are beyond precious 💗💗💗

[@mahdita12]

thank you so much, this is a really good video!!

[@bitcoinbelle]

That was hysterical! #ILoveYouMan

[@nissamelton8597]

Great video and great laugh. Thank you.

[@neofluxmachina]

That ending though

[@MsBashan]

Alan has helped me so much..

[@Veriz.Rivieramaya]

thanks, you are really helpfull

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

Love it!

[@kelebeksky]

I loveeeee your videos;))))

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

I appreciate your feedback. If you love the videos then you may also love taking The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz. www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz

[@kelebeksky]

@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma Thanks Alan! I always enjoy your humour and your expertise! I was wondering what your advice would be if I have already cues that the guy I have just started dating is inconsistent and dismissive...should we just leave it as it is or try? Thanks again! Your videos are really helpful 🙂 ❤

[@donnakopp8728]

ha! delightful!

[@swim610]

Lol wth with the banana silence

[@maryoconnor9956]

Alan are you saying just take a bresk from relationship drama and just eat a banana...msking sure to lesve the skin on while you est it? I think I get it. It does make a lot of sense. Haha

[@aeiou5614]

Totally agree

[@frigidmonk]

“Eats banana”🍌...Dats Amazing!😁👍

[@zarapolden4759]

Funny :-). Thanks.

[@seekingthequestion]

You should laugh more often 😂

[@vp33323]

Hahah! The banana!! :D

[@ThePhoenixRisingArtist]

Yesssss😂🎉😅

[@cynthiastenstrom5361]

Haha! You're so funny.

[@rebeccajones8628]

I broke it off with him and I feel calm, but I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. Like a void....now I will eat a banana.

[@Realtalknewyorkwithjanique]

Lol you are hilarious but I get it

[@HisaLight2mypath]

I over analyse and scrutinize every detail and every word they said in the big drama

[@yaelmatos3199]

I love youuuuuu hahahaha

[@Keen-1A-S]

Fave video, hands down 🍌

[@allaboardthegravytrain5987]

Was the banana part a part of it hehe

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Yes!!! Glad you like the video. Please also share with friends.

[@CanadianAndre]

Alan Robarge aka Banana Man. 😄

[@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Andre, I don't know if I want that nickname! I assume not. lol. Thanks for watching that video.

[@ceciliaruns72]

I love you! 😆🍌

[@yvonneoakes550]

🤣🤣👍

[@clareunderwood6690]

Hilarious person! So funny..

[@eparharidou]

Haha ❤

[@burnttoast1076]

Surprise banana mukbang

[@isacece1334]

WTF....the banana??

[@MA-un1mj]

Weird

[@kellihintz6413]

🤣