10:40 🥺

Whoa

Turning 50 in a month my family has all passed away,ex won't ever let me see my son again,Girlfriend has moved on,about to get kicked out where I stay and my phone never ever rings...im completely alone and don't know what to say.,I have nobody I have no purpose.

Lol who watched this video for a first breakup and then met someone who you thought was different but its the same shit all over again so you're watching this video, again 😅

I have mostly got over the obsessive panic of deciding on action, and figuring out what happened. but then suddenly it will hit me again and i will panic that this was all a mistake. It kills me, and it hurts my ex too. I try to just accept whats done is done, but i hate that i still want it. I just try to stop deciding, and just do nothing, thats all i can do

Love the approach that he takes. Simplistic and real suggestions that are so helpful.

HOW DO YOU HEAL?

He is so nice to me and others, but emotionally unavailable to me. Pretty soon I will be letting him know. Thanks

Beautiful information! Thank you for your dedication to this complex subject ❤ I feel validated by your message and this means a great deal.

I was not convinced this was a video for me.. at 21.41 I/you changed my mind 😅 thank you

I thought my Mom at 6 years old and brother was 4

Thank you for all your dedication and thorough explanations, you are truly making a difference in the world 🙏

As a psychotherapist and I have to say that your videos are extremely well done and thoughtful and just spot on. Thank you for providing this content.

I listen to Alan videos when I need a friend. He makes me feel so safe and comforted 🤍🦋

You absolutely hit the nail on the head. My ex and I ended up divorcing . After the first affair I was not able to be vulnerable again. As a result the marriage fell miserably. I shut down completely.

Thank you, so so helpful.

Thank you, love this, so helpful.

This is incredibly helpful.

100% core wounds do not define you. They are just a result of experiences we have been through. It gets complex to be able to feel through the wounds without identifying with em. The feelings are not evidence of unworthiness

This is the absolute best explanation of this that I have heard.

This is absolutely the best explanation I have ever heard of this condition.

Alan I have a question. I do wanna learn how to sooth myself that emotional connection is being denied. But ultimately, if this is a recurring thing with my partner, withholding connection. Shouldn’t I move on?

4:20 this point could not be more emphasized.. I’ve unassumingly tried looking at videos posted by these sorts of heartbreak con-artists with the hopes they’ll help me be able to finally move on and heal but then suddenly I hear “..so you can get your ex back”. In my situation it’s pretty much impossible to even get back with my ex. I don’t even want to, and those sorts of videos give me some sense of false hope which causes me to emotionally relapse horribly even tho I was the one who initially broke it off.

I miss everyone... i miss the person i was... i miss not being in total isolation... on YEAR TEN. Narcissistic moster of a step mother taught my little sister a level of cruelty i never knew existed... they destroyed every relationship i had for 50 years. Absolute, total isolation is the only way they leave me alone to live my life without them telling lies to isolate me further. GO FIGURE.

Turns out everyone i thought i could trust, thought really knew me, believed they loved me, thought our relationships would last and were mutual.... WELL I WAS WRONG ABOUT EVERYONE... I'm okay being alone, not happy, but not being abused, doubted, degraded or taken for granted anymore.

I am not a fake person. If I sympathise with you, I'll be kind and nice, if not, I won't even bother (fake people, shallow or mean people)... I just leaned to keep things to myself because 1) most people don't care or are too busy to get involved, 2) I've been through enough a lot because of over sharing and having people use private and sensitive information about me to hurt me or to make fun of me. So I have to really trust someone to open up . I don't see anything wrong with that. (And I'm tired of feeling overanalyzed by people who don't really know me, give me a break! )

You made absolute sense. Our 9 year marriage ended in divorce after a affair. He was probably filled with guilt and shame and I was never able to trust again. So neither of our needs were being met.

😘

This is great information. Thank you so much Alan.

Big Whoop Ditto. Marriage is an ingrained institution and it works great for some, but not for all. So what. It'd be nice to just die (and even more, live) in peace. I've heard people say to hermits and loners, "Well, I guess you're going to die alone then!" Gee. As if I don't know that.

Wow,, accurate and insightful, well done, and thank you.

💖

omg yes 🙌🏼 hope your new book 📖 comes with more ease 🎉

I am a fearful avoidant. I want to heal this attachment style.

This is such a fantastic video and helped me so much in this moment. Thank you very much.

I've watched this video twice & I'm still resusting that i can be okay alone. At43yrs it starting to look more & more likely that I'll be alone for the rest of my life. I can't get passed the heartbreak that I'll never make a home with a beloved husband as we raise 2 or 3 wonderful children. That hurts

My dad died, suddenly, by accident, at age 14. Wild. Thank you for sharing and teaching.

I would appreciate knowing more about being a victim and how I create even the most wonderful partner to be seen in a certain role so i can be a victim. It is ludicrous and so very cunning of my mind to crave the familiarity related to thebptsd from childhood i have of when i was often assaulted by my brother. Peace

This is a great disclosure. I value your insight and clear style. Thank you so much.

Alan, I absolutely love your content! Thank you so much 💓

Thank you, Alan! I have been listening to your videos for 3 1/2 months. You have an incredible voice of reason and clarity and common sense that breaks through all of the static. Your videos have helped me move on and move through. Thank you for your gift.

I don’t even like him physically smh

35:30

What you shared really helped me tonight. Thank you Alan.

Thank you. I wish you were in Michigan.

This is a direct hit on this core issue that affects many today. Understanding rage has been a life long quest for me. He is definitely right about attacking those close to you when the anger is triggered.

1 of the best videos ever!!!!!!!!

Thank you

Thank you! This is very helpful in going forth and realizimg it's not about that person after all! Definitelty a relief!

Best explanation ever heard !