Tall Poppies: Growing up Gifted | Emily Murman | TEDxLakeForestCollege

When you hear the word “gifted,” what ideas pop into your head? Emily would like to change your mind. Her TEDx Talk will encompass her personal and educational experiences growing up profoundly gifted; the stereotypes she faced, the challenges she overcame, and the educational path that lead to her becoming a college freshman at fifteen. Emily currently is a senior at Lake Forest College, double majoring in Writing and Studio Art. Her future goals include obtaining masters from Columbia College, Chicago, in Illustration and Fiction, as well as publishing her own poetry. When not studying, she can be found reading, writing, and creating art! This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@linanutshell]

I often feel like i'm the only whale in a sea of fish, being laughed at for being something I didn't choose to be. Being me was never fun. Thank you for this, i cried a whole lot

[@katieravenhill6633]

I find that a lot of people associate giftedness with "a genius that immediately knows everything" and either assume we don't need help, or are intimidated or jealous because they think we can do everything. And then they think our parents push us, or that we think too much of ourselves. It's good to hear that I'm not the only one.

[@hexstarr]

This hit home for me, my entire life has been people trying to cut me down due to my abilities.

[@kerstinrao2651]

This is EVERYTHING! I've been a teacher of gifted students for most of my 28 year career, and this talk captures every bit of what I've seen my students experience. Your courage, vulnerability, stunning drawings, and honesty about the ups and downs will, hopefully, open the minds and hearts of peers and teachers for future tall poppies.

[@emilymurman8515]

Kerstin Rao thank you so much! It is humbling to hear an educators perspective.

[@pinkyweiser9287]

Thank you for being brave and vulnerable to speak up to dispel misconceptions of giftedness! Our world would have been a bit kinder if we are encouraged to embrace all walks of life. I sincerely hope you have found your tribe and you don’t have to face adversary alone. ❤️

[@yootoob1001001]

She is very lucky to have a supportive family.

[@JDNicoll]

Thank you for this. I’m weeping because my father was the one with the scissors. And my mother just looked on as he cut me down. It took me 30 years to come out of shock from the abuse and profound neglect of my needs.

[@emilymurman8515]

Thank you for being so vulnerable in sharing your experiences. I can't even begin to imagine what that was like.

[@100loveyous]

As a mom of a profoundly gifted kid I want to thank you for this. You nailed it. I think this is going to wake up people to the reality that "gifted" comes in many flavors and styles and that when you are profoundly gifted school can sometimes be, as you say, "a very soul crushing place." My kid is now a 16 year old college freshman 767 miles away from home and he's never been happier. Thank you so very much for sharing your experiences!

[@emilymurman8515]

Mary Elizabeth Peterson thank you so much! Sending best wishes to your son!

[@pyxiehall77]

So much of this was my experience as well. 😭 I wasn’t lucky enough to have an understanding mother. Mine was one of the bullies, and I was in public school until 9th grade (she said no when I tested into the gifted program in 1st grade). Then I got a GED. I feel like I have no one to relate to. This helped so much. Thank you, beautiful soul! 💕✌🏻 Thank you to your mother, as well.

[@emilymurman8515]

Thank you for sharing your experiences! I especially love to hear from people who have also had rather unconventional educational paths. So glad you made it over here, and I wish you nothing but the best!

[@fo7743]

Awwww 🤗🤗🤗

[@ashleyching5786]

People with this kind of history need a friend who share their experience, as well as a therapist. You are unconditionally worthy 🙏

[@vampirina-vp7op]

Thank you for sharing I have growing “tall poppy” at home, who is also an artist, dancer and comedian. We have tried a couple schools and think we have found a good fit now. I happen to be an art educator and often see tall poppies amongst my students. I am good at recognizing and directing gifted students in the classroom, but I a fearful that I will not do things right with my own kid. Kudos to your mom for recognizing your abilities and limitations and having foresight, resources and support to provide homeschooling, while also seeking the traditional school resources for you with the determination to advocate for your free and appropriate education. Best to you. Your art is powerful. I would love to see a presentation with your AP portfolio that describes your journey as a “ tall poppy”. We do not offer AP studio in my district, but I show videos of famous, aspiring and working artists to my students for inspiration m developing their style and sources of inspiration.

[@guadalupeacademy]

This was so so relatable. Thank you for sharing your experience. Hearing testimonies like these has really made me feel like I’m not alone.

[@vanessagee18]

I too am ADHD, have a severe math disability and am gifted! Currently 21 and I can hyperfocus on my favorite topics for hours and learn at the speed of lightning but I still don’t understand basic, simple algebra (Idk how to add or subtract two digit numbers yet. I know, it’s embarrassing but I don’t understand the concept of calculation)

[@Amanda-cj2ui]

I'm the same! I didn't know I had ADHD and was classified as being highly perceptive and higher vigilant at the age of 32 lol. I don't grasp the concepts of how math is calculated as well! It's easier to just cut right to the chase in math and add subtract, multiply and divide in simple forms, but no they bring in algebra and you have to go around in circles to get the right answer haha. I am now a college student graduating next semester before 40 years old, and I'm still getting flack because I am advance and not only get the shoe box concept of curriculum but I also go beyond in each class, I get a failing grade in an assignment because I drew outside of the box lol. Don't feel bad I understand, the world will never accept us because we are a threat to their average mentality, and in history it shows extraordinary minds and what happened to them as well. smh, the low mentality of the sheep concept.

[@wordart_guian]

At times I Just wish giftedness was not such a taboo. I wish i wasn't supposed to feel guilty of thriving. I wish "society" wouldn't dismiss us as "bragging" when we really are not, and also dismiss us when we're complaining about our very real problem. When I entered middle School I had high hopes. I hoped in the School I was going to I would be actually able to make real friends, because There would be other kids like me, and they would understand me, and the teachers would too. I was told I was wrong, That I had absurd expectations, That others gifted kids were well integrated, That Giftedness doesn't really matter except for getting good grades and good grades are undeserved when you're gifted, That I was privilèged, That my comportment was wrong, That I was annoying and That no one cared about my "uninteresting" interests. That I should make an effort to be normal like everyone else, and That I should pass unremarked. I was bullied. Nah, harassed. Bullied is not strong enough of a term. Bullies told me I was alone, friendless, and That I should kill myself already. What I've lived through no one should have to live it.I'm in 12th grade, and I've just discovered I'd been lied to. That I wasted 5 years of my life believing lies. I discovered many other kids in my class were gifted, That they were my friends, and That they were definitely as quirky and socially awkward as me, because quirks and awkwardness come from overexcitablities, dyssynchronia and think process différences, and are characteristics of giftedness. That giftedness definitely matters in life, and That you Can talk about it with concerned friends. That they all have actually interesting interests That they talk about when between them, and That they really are more than the "normal Person" façade they put on. That we are actually sharing jokes together, That I get them and That they Are actually funny. That most of them were bullied in middle School, because of their différences, and thought they were the only ones because that's what they were told. That they told the teacher once they were happy That I was finally talking to them. I discovered I was not uninteresting as I was told. That I can actually have friends. And That I didn't have to adapt one bit to "the Real world", because Real friends only like the Real you. With quirks and all.This Is knowledge no gifted Child should be denied.

[@emilymurman8515]

I adore your confidence and resilience in such trying times! No one deserves to be harassed the way you have, and I can understand how painful it is (I was bullied all throughout high school and also told to kill myself). Thanks for being so vulnerable, and keep going and growing! I wish you nothing but the best.

[@cuivre2004]

I found myself working with fellow Ph.D.s in biotech and still faced tall poppy syndrome. Common words and phrases (to me) went over people's heads way too often (words like 'sycophant', 'crestfallen' and 'rare earth magnet' and phrases like 'hoisted on his own petard'.) I refused to sandbag my intelligence and vocabulary, so my boss wielded the tall poppy pruning scissors to prevent my promotion, while at the same time telling me to sandbag my productivity and workplace output. I instinctively knew what to focus on and what not to focus on to get a project completed quickly and efficiently. My intellectual curiosity then was effectively used against me since many people liked to 'mock that which they did not understand'. It was a no-win situation.

[@daveb4446]

This is a huge understatement of how bad the problem is. I grew up in a very conservative family that refused to acknowledge intelligence, and believed social status was the ONLY way people should be evaluated. I constantly got yelled at for trying to find interesting things to read, including yelled at for reading ahead in science, or for reading the newspaper. Only in my senior year did anyone really acknowledge anything after I won a regional fermi science competition. I even had the Navy nuclear program and a Marine Corps General try to recruit me, but my family and those around me still treated me like I was less than a human being. Conservatives have no idea how much suffering they inflict on others around them.

[@catherinebirch2399]

This applies to anyone who's different. I wasn't very intelligent when I was growing up, but I went to a sink school where being a knuckle dragging moron was the norm. In was bullied simply because I was quiet, good art art and liked to read.

[@missmoody85]

Wow… I loved your presentation. Made me teary in the end because it felt like a relief understanding how you felt. And I loved your message about how important it is that you can and want be yourself and that is what makes you happy. My Mr 4 yo has been identified as gifted child. Not knowing what that meant so went through a few sources to form an understanding. My next question was (as a parent) how can I support his learning style so he can be successful throughout school and into the wider community? He is off to primary school when he turns 5. I’m worried that school is not ready for him or do they have enough resources and support to work with gifted students. I’m scared. His kindy teachers feel the same too. However, the message I’m getting after listening to you and to answer my concern is “I will need to become a strong advocate and not be afraid of challenging the system”. Thank you. My next goal is to find parents of tall poppies and join them.

[@CatBat14]

Might I add that schools should consider not only academic intelligence, because I think there are proprioceptive (movement/ sense of body in space) gifted kids and several others. Gifted means several things, like differences is sensory perception, and etc. I also think some gifted kids should additionally look into autism and savant syndrome too.

[@cvg9712]

Thank you for this!

[@bhinderbinder]

...'I'm being a sloth!' If I was playing with you on the monkey bars, I would have joined you in your imaginative escapade. How fun!

[@multivariateperspective5137]

exactly... that's hilarious and super funny.

[@donnashepherd3272]

Beautiful! Your story will be very helpful to my daughter who sounds so much like you. Thank you!

[@zu1u]

This was amazing, and heartwarming to watch.

[@SubhadityaMukherjee]

Loved this so much

[@newday7504]

wow thanks this was amazing! my child is 2E I think and I'am learning how to support her ...

[@emilymurman8515]

Thank you for taking the time to watch. I wish nothing but the best for you and your daughter.

[@rachezzel]

@@emilymurman8515 thank you! I'm a 2e Mensa gifted kid. I really needed this.

[@jodym2031]

Wonderful talk! Very inspiring!

[@cadencehaase]

Jody M lmao how

[@SallyLock103emeCaris]

I wish I had been to a gifted school too. Nobody knew I was gifted and I was harassed for more than 10 years at normal school. My self-esteem is still really low.

[@emilymurman8515]

Sometimes my self-esteem is really bad as well, because I too, dealt with nearly ten years of torture. Thanks for being so open. Taking the time to learn more about yourself and connecting with other poppies says wonderful things about you.

[@multivariateperspective5137]

i just went to the library and refused to participate while scoring high on all my tests without needing to study. I'm pretty sure I spent about 2/3 of my high school days in the library.

[@toniszymanski4922]

This is terrific. Although you information about IQ being fluid is not really accurate. I love how you focus on giftedness beyond accomplishments.

[@BoontarikaSripom]

Library dates are the best.

[@emilymurman8515]

Agreed! Bookstore dates, too.

[@tanyaflynn4908]

Yes! Also the science center!

[@multivariateperspective5137]

lol... that's funny, never had one of those

[@bluejemm]

Thank you❣️ My young one is a poppy too❣️

[@MikeFuller-ok6ok]

I have a supervised Mensa IQ in the 'High Average' range, and I was placed in remedial sets at school.

[@betterourselves]

Good job

[@morisnakus6108]

Should you calculate the score with meds or without?

[@nzuckman]

Omfg "No I just play one on TV" you really are a goddamn genius bruh 😂

[@nzuckman]

On a more serious note, I feel like I just saw my life in the mirror. Thank you so much for doing this. I feel so much less alone in my experience growing up "gifted."

[@swimmy113]

The other student never got the Doogie Howser joke lol. In real life, her joke fell flat

[@cuivre2004]

Funnier still would be "I just play one in real life".

[@mireyabenedetti5586]

loved this

[@rafaelmoro9114]

Oh my God. Same history of mine.

[@emilymurman8515]

I am amazed by how many people can relate each time I meet them.

[@multivariateperspective5137]

what a cool person...

[@swimmy113]

I think so too! Thank you!

[@nubianpwr]

You're courageous, extremely bright... and beautiful:-)

[@deadlock107]

2:13 What? According to the chart the majority of the population is between 85-115.

[@swimmy113]

That is correct information regarding average IQs

[@eccesignumrex4482]

you'll get through(s) its -

[@emilymurman8515]

EcceSignumRex thank you.

[@dangoay6736]

would you mind explaining

[@eccesignumrex4482]

@@dangoay6736 She complains a lot. And, Craig is not gifted. Rex is though.

[@KikiGreen]

In first grade y teacher marked my spelling of Second wrong so I wouldn't have 100%

[@brandonchaney6499]

Kiki Green *my. You missed another one lol jk 😅😁

[@Amanda-cj2ui]

My 5th grade history teacher publicly threatened and demeaned me in the classroom that she was going to fail me for the whole school year if I tried to go ahead of the other students.

[@swimmy113]

That's horrible!

[@jyll.7132]

Come to the aspie women page on Facebook. Your tribe is there. I just found them. It's amazing.

[@jyll.7132]

@@swimmy113 ADHD is a bear in adulthood. If she can figure out how to channel it, she'll go far.

[@swimmy113]

Thank you! She's on her way, starting her MFA in a few weeks (now 19 yrs old), and still trying to appreciate having ADHD (a true challenge in self esteem), and figure.out how to incorporate some life skills to manage it. Our other daughter, she is on the spectrum with an IQ of 146. I WISH she'd connect with peers on FB, however the areas of social skills and communication inhibit her desire.

[@swimmy113]

Turns out, yes, she is autistic! You saw in her what we missed all along. Thank you ❤️

[@jyll.7132]

@@swimmy113 😊 I'm glad she knows. It'll explain so much and validate her life. Now she can learn to cope with it and hone her attributes. It can be a struggle, but it can also be an incredible gift. Sensory overload is a cross to bear, but having heightened senses can also give her a huge leg up on the competition in several career fields. Having ASD can also give her a natural ability to hyper focus on her interests. That's a wonderful gift. Having a diagnosis is a huge relief. Good luck to you and her both! 💖 P.S. If she's got any interest in the arts, please please please help her foster it. She'll find a community of people just like her and she'll feel at home with them like never before. That's a beautiful thing.

[@swimmy113]

She is an artist in more ways than one! Currently, she teaches at a private highschool, one to one, mostly with students like her. She will finish up her MFA in the spring and just discovered her book of poetry will be published! She lives a lonely life, still, but hopefully she finds her tribe. Thank you for the support!

[@kipperbill]

A meagre 11k viewers. Have I found the gifted side of the playground..?

[@kipperbill]

God I hated this bloody crowd.

[@MaTTheWish]

No

[@paracletusrevelation4080]

Why is she consulting notes to give this speech???

[@swimmy113]

She was allowed....and nerves lol!

[@emilymurman8515]

Sérgio Mendes TED speakers are actually encouraged to use notes!

[@Amanda-cj2ui]

The notes help us gifted people to stay on topic, it's like a visual que to go by. Because gifted people can talk at great lengths about things, because that's how our mind works, we have a vast library of knowledge and can tap into the depth and explain every aspect of in in visual detail. So the cards are for keeping us on point and to not bore the average with expansive reasoning that there minds may not comprehend.

[@TheCrazyKid9800]

@@Amanda-cj2ui cringe. Why are you trying to subtly hint that you're gifted? If you were, you'd not feel the need to hint to strangers online that you're smart. Also, you've misused *their. Grow up

[@leonbernhardt8818]

I think you may be a smart quirky person. I think the ability to reason logically, along with math ability, are required to be intelligent. They may not have found the right modality for you, nor the math area that you are skilled in. Art can be thought of as geometrical and therefore proportional and statistical. It is just a matter of developing your skill when you are ready and open to it.

[@swimmy113]

She has dyscalculia, ADHD, and Gertsman's Syndrome. Neither I, nor the public school, lacked effort. While I can appreciate you thoughts on this, none of her disabilities will go away. A calculator and a GPS have been the very successful tools in assisting her. Her brain has proved over the last 20 years that it is not wired for numbers. Respectfully, her mom

[@swimmy113]

Math does not equate to intelligence for all people. This is a false belief. She does not possess a math skill to develop as you suggest. Likewise, her artistic talent and love of words are innate. She began drawing and reading at two years old. Emily can not memorize math facts. To discount her intelligence because she has a math disability is rude.

[@zetaforever4953]

But why jump through all these hoops? Why not just send her to a normal school? Sure, she would probably have been kinda bored, but that's pretty much everybody at school anyway. That's pretty much everybody at life, kinda bored and stressed out. And it would probably have helped in her social development too, while teaching her how to cope with the outside world from a young age. Very few people are perfectly normal, after all. Being able to assimilate past your differences with the larger community is an important skill to learn. Perhaps even more important than math or English.

[@swimmy113]

Did you listen to her talk? Why would we put an "abnormal" child in a "normal" school? Kinda bored? She did go to "normal" school since she was 5 and it didn't help her social development at all. She learned how to cope with an outside world that was very cruel to her, including adults. I can only deduce from your comment that you didn't really hear her talk at all. When you are 1 out of about 5,000 people, assimilation is quite difficult. Try to imagine spending your days with others all having IQs about 50 points lower than yours. Now, learn what they are learning, learn at their speed, talk to them about their interests....share yours....see how that goes for you and your mental health.

[@recoveringsoul755]

I don't think the OP listened at all, or their verbal comprehension is really low. Must have missed the part about home schooling being the best part of her life and "normal school" being soul crushing. It would be like putting a normal 18 year old into kindergarten and saying, sure, you might be kinda bored. Understatement of the century.

[@zetaforever4953]

But that is how most people do spend their lives, my friend. If you have an IQ that is 1 in 5000 (either on the high end or the low) you will spend most of your life around people who are very much not like you. BY definition, the odds that you will meet someone like you (at least in that domain) is 1 in 5000. And as most people don't meet 5000 people in life or get to know them very well, the odds are heavily against you. That's not unfair. It's mathematics. If you are 1 in 5000 in any domain, the odds that you will meet someone like you in that domain in the real world are 1 in 5000, i.e. very low.

[@emilymurman8515]

When emotions and the well-being of a child are involved, you don't get to explain away things with "simple mathematics." No matter where I am, it is nearly impossible to assimilate, so why would I stick myself in one spot instead of continuing my own education? Doing my own thing has exposed me to all types of people and challenges, and given me the strength to cope with them. Rewatch my talk without filtering it through your opinion, and maybe you will see that crushing a child's soul and self-esteem isn't worth trying to fit in.

[@emilymurman8515]

Life is unfair. People who just ignore those who are different with an "oh well, the odds are heavily against you anyway" contribute to that problem and create stigma. The best I can do is work my way around the odds to better them for myself.

[@TK-fm5ud]

Boring

[@gregohb]

get over yourself. there are only prodigies in math, music, and chess. US public schools are horrible - among the lowest results in the industrialized world - so be a genius at elementary school is called "being a regular" student in other countries. I have never even heard of the college you are so proud of. There are tens of thousands of students who go to top univeristies and admire themselves as latent geniuses. what a shame that you adopted a self-image as someone gifted instead of just being a normal person.

[@swimmy113]

I believe you didn't listen to her talk.

[@jasminm8244]

That‘s just so unnecessarily rude wow

[@clare_jordin]

Looks like we know who the bully was 😂

[@cuivre2004]

Let's just say that you aren't gifted at trolling-you are way too transparent and obvious....