Ted 2 | "You're Not a Person"

Everyone's favorite foulmouthed teddy bear is back for a second round of hilarious antics and outrageous adventures. When Ted (voiced by Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane) is declared property by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, Ted and his best friend John (Mark Wahlberg, Transformers: Age of Extinction, The Other Guys) must go to court to fight for Ted's personhood. With the help of their smart, beautiful (and pot-loving) lawyer (Amanda Seyfried, Mamma Mia!, Les Misérables), the thunder buddies for life battle to legalize Ted in this "wickedly funny"* sequel that will keep fans laughing right up to the very end. *LOS ANGELES TIMES
Own Ted 2 today on Blu-ray, DVD & Digital:
www.uphe.com/movies/ted-2
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#MovieClips

[@samgspot]

“Everything’s going to be okay!” “ *It really isn’t* “ Lmao Ted and TL’s face

[@qunt100]

You are not in good hands

[@simondeane7003]

Awesome, #. Shit happens! 😂😅love Ted

[@aggyxl8170]

That hit different 😂🤣

[@Johnfromaustralia]

😂😂😂😂

[@magdavillafuerte]

😅

[@stevema2]

"I don't understand, we would have made such good parents!" *smokes a joint* 🤣🤣🤣

[@liahtomlinson2105]

😂😂

[@mzanfhri8726]

😂😂😂😂

[@danatedawg1018]

To be fair marijuana usage isn’t bad. It’s around kids it can be

[@felixftw4702]

@@danatedawg1018 yeah that joke is stupid, as long as you're a good parent the occasional weed is harmless

[@moodyowlproductions4287]

He's a fucking toy bear!!!!!!

[@picklebobpie5314]

“You make history come alive”

[@skyandropoulos2305]

😂

[@dotherightthing9585]

😂😂😂😂☠️☠️☠️☠️😂😂💀☠️😂😂

[@ansarends6811]

🙄

[@picklebobpie5314]

@@ansarends6811 what

[@G.dubzzz]

😑

[@cupsonplushproductions5959]

"dear Ted you are no longer a Papa Gino's rewards member, fuck that's a big one" LMAO

[@Anathema_009]

I mean that is a big one to lose.

[@Kadin73]

@@Anathema_009 what's Papa Gino's?

[@Kadin73]

@@Anathema_009 nevermind. Just looked it up. It's a pizza chain.

[@napfullo712]

This doctor is straight gangsta honest 😅

[@timothyfarrand8407]

Isn't he the allstate guy?

[@omidhussaini7504]

@@timothyfarrand8407 yes he is

[@rayunited2010foryou]

He's Ex-President Palmer, you see.

[@FrankMontes24]

He also stopped two marine snipers from killing an Iraq officer during the gulf war in favor of calling an air strike to kill everyone around the officer.

[@ThePriceisRightB]

@@FrankMontes24 was that another movie...or his real life?

[@DialgaMarine3]

When I saw this, I threw up and almost quit medicine.

[@Leyla7292]

DialgaMarine3. That comment of the Dr in the movie = 😅

[@purifiedwater4217]

“Tammy its gonna be Okay”. “It really isn’t? XD

[@bigchubz4995]

I honestly thought he said "Quick medicine" 😂

[@anthonylong9067]

“I almost quit medicine and did commercials for Allstate insurance”

[@postingmemesuntiligetasilv3598]

You forgot the " "

[@officialziahh9867]

"we don't know any lawyers , all our friends make sandwiches" ☠️

[@cookiebetts6341]

“Sheezus, look at that black 🐓”

[@officialziahh9867]

👁️👄👁️

[@Reaction87483]

@@cookiebetts6341 I prefer di OK never mind

[@colmdurkin7915]

Yea ' i agree ' so fucking funny 😅

[@RTWLR]

Just like everybody else older than 12

[@jmw9904]

The irony of this is Allstate guy is the one saying it's not going to be alright.

[@KategariYami]

And now he's a God. So now a God is telling them it's not gonna be alright

[@cunningsmile4166]

​@@KategariYami Lucifer: wish I could say thanks dad, but I can't

[@comicalcosmonaut959]

I like how they treat the sequel more maturely in the sense that they tackle real life issues thrown at Ted like having kids or his identity. That realism makes him a lot more relatable and charming

[@mainstreamerchannel9919]

Steven Universe could have had a story arc on some civil rights on their true identities and where they really came from. Especially for the titular character itself on why he can't have that when he turns 18 and 21.

[@eco-mark1469]

"you ever watched any movie, ever?".."he is the black guy"

[@yt-sh]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/hZXbfp6HndZobsk

[@devongrander6733]

Ted? Yes!

[@devongrander6733]

Or Mexican like Bender.

[@stark_man0278]

"I'll tell ya what, I'm gonna go drive around the block and I'll be back with 200 dollars" Bruh. I'm dying 🤣

[@DgardsGaming]

I wish I could do that for real, if it was that easy 😂

[@SilvirDragon]

@@DgardsGaming i would be drifting and doin donuts

[@dragapultgaming6030]

Dont worry ill land on chance get visit jail Then Go to free parking and Get 2,000 dollars lol

[@jaydragonplays]

"Are you guys just saying monopoly stuff?"

[@C_Williams84_Vlogs]

@@dragapultgaming6030 I’ll Be waiting At Marvin Gardens for My 1000

[@spookkss6840]

"yeah.. yeah... and also a million kids who did nothing" had me

[@daisho509]

"I'm gonna get a migraine in the parking lot in about 20 minutes" Seth will forever be funny to me 😂

[@mattgerrish908]

What the hell does that even mean? Is Ted mistaking the word migraine and boner?

[@patrik6636]

@@mattgerrish908 She has medicinal of weed because of migraines whilst they smoke it for fun, the joke is , as he smokes it for fun, he will smoke in his car in 20 mins, saying he will have a migraine.

[@mattgerrish908]

@@patrik6636 Oh ok

[@milascave2]

@@patrik6636 I thought it was his way of bumming weed off of her, because he claims to have the same condition as her, and it's coming on soon, so he needs some to ward it off.

[@sonam6873]

“I don’t understand we would’ve made such good parents” and then proceeds to puff a smoke from a joint. Classic ted.

[@tonoblanco1931]

well how's that being a bad parent?

[@cb-9938]

@@tonoblanco1931 it's the devil's lettuce, you go straight to the bottom level of hell if you smoke weed (this is a joke)

[@limericky8548]

@@tonoblanco1931 how are burnout parents bad? Ask me how I know you came from a broken home lol

[@danatedawg1018]

@@limericky8548 doesn’t seem to affect anyone badly unless over usage

[@mysteriousinformer3198]

usually kids are the reason joints appear

[@SaifSKH]

“What like garbage or a piece of shit?” 🤣

[@asddjs4995]

More like a hammer or orange but😔

[@lllcraiglll]

like gaaahhhbage

[@moodyowlproductions4287]

Both

[@liahtomlinson2105]

I died bro 😂😂😂😂

[@leepek3575]

xD

[@Redvines69]

So basically, trying to have kids ruined his life. It fits.

[@TieflingKumasi]

Doesn’t that usually happen after?

[@MarquesLKing]

Yeh yknw, sleepless nights, teenage years, ungrateful little s*** moments when they forget ya bday.

[@camrae4309]

@@MarquesLKing So…it doesn’t get easier?😰

[@MarquesLKing]

@@camrae4309 No ma'am it does not. Least till their mid/late teens when they must be gently booted up the backside to find a casual job and to no one's surprise start goin' steady with their study buddy. Then you have the angst years...

[@rafa1857]

It was so freaking hilarious when Ted told TL "it's ok honey, everything is gonna be ok" and they looked at the Doctor's face, expecting some hope's words from him, but instead he said "it really isn't".

[@juliancortina6638]

Well I mean the doctor can’t just lie to the patient, I get it that people expect for there to be some hope but sometimes you just gotta tell the truth

[@DeletedDevilDeletedAngel]

@@juliancortina6638 a lil hope cant hurt like "I hope you could get through this" or something

[@ivantheterrible2594]

Well just imagine if they talked to Doc Martin, he probably would've called them idiots and thrown them out

[@ocularzombie6679]

Ted is just a comedy, but Ted 2 is emotionally deep as fuck.

[@nathanbarker9165]

Yea I felt bad for Ted

[@David-lo1fo]

Adoption and personhood , Two deep subjects we all Don't think about until it's A issue.

[@Mugruncher]

Yeah I don’t get why some people don’t like Ted 2 I thought it was great

[@ranelgallardo7031]

@@Mugruncher In retrospect a lot of people think its too "woke"

[@captaincabbage6245]

@@ranelgallardo7031 That's because "Woke" is a term used by assholes to denigrate empathy.

[@panborlangmarbaniang6431]

"Are you guys just saying Monopoly stuff???" Still gets me🤣

[@farcicalgaminghd2169]

Tell ya what, I’m gonna drive around the block and I’ll be back with 200 dollars

[@lpr5269]

The funniest was when Ted said "I'm going to go drive around the block and come back with $200."

[@deadx0815]

I want to know if I’m not the only one that does this. When I play monopoly when anyone lands on free parking we collect all the money on the board

[@johnmcauliffe8824]

When the doctor breaks the bad news to Tammy, Ted is the one to bring her out of the room. When the social worker breaks the bad news to Ted, Tammy is the one to bring him out of the room. Those two are really meant for each other.

[@ivantheterrible2594]

At least the social worker gave them the heads-up about what they were in for just as they were about to leave.

[@Narmerlover]

"Adoption is great, right?" "Yeah, i mean, STEVE JOBS was adopted!" "Yeah, Also a million other kids who did nothing." That line killed me

[@jaydabazil1801]

So!soa

[@PrinceRebel2000]

i'm willing to bet you have no idea what that joke meant

[@Boredoutofmywits]

@@PrinceRebel2000, enlighten us.

[@Khulu6061]

@@PrinceRebel2000 please!

[@mondo8003]

6:06 🙄😒 MacFarlane mind😔 think of about.

[@infinightsky]

I love how Seth puts Star Trek actors/characters in his productions

[@OneofInfinity.]

And keeps that tradition on the Orville (the only good Trek atm).

[@infinightsky]

@@OneofInfinity. facts!

[@seanchukwuezi3079]

Amanda seyfried was in a million ways to die in the west and ted 2

[@jacobmassey3897]

@@seanchukwuezi3079 because Mila Kunis got better job offers 😆

[@cadendimo8317]

What’s Star Trek?

[@JazzyPantsINC]

I like how Ted is wearing glasses like he’s a papa bear

[@abhishekm3752]

Not giving candy for free. That a real Lawyer there.

[@Leftistsuck91]

I love how they got the all state “you’re in good hands” guy to tell them how they’re not in a good position 😂

[@nickdanaher8593]

“WOW you make history come alive “ funniest thing I’ve heard all day

[@deirdre108]

"I just don't want my lawyer singing 'Frozen' songs during the opening argument". The writing !

[@diemausdietastatur8738]

so if he is not a person. He isnt accountable for crimes he commit, right? Federeal Reserve Bank, lets do it

[@MarquesLKing]

Wooh buddy Iam so in. I'll bring the booze n slim jims

[@finlandguy427]

That makes Ted a lucky criminal.

[@joshuagawidan482]

But they will stop him, worse case scenario maybe shoot him to smithereens.

[@ACS2]

If he's property john (I believe) will be the one held accountable

[@alula2439]

8:03 i just don't want my lawyer singing frozen songs during an opening arguments😂😂

[@storyteller0633]

The whole "Sam L. Jackson" bit got me *HARD* 🤣

[@Mugruncher]

Phrasing

[@Cuythulu]

That's what she said!

[@storyteller0633]

...bruh....

[@AM-vy2pp]

"I'm gonna get a huge migraine in the parking lot in about 20 minuets" 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@dallasyap3064]

When they discuss about adopting a baby and having a dog. A part of me was thinking if they are gonna have a dog, especially a German Shepherd, that dog is probably going to bite Ted into pieces 😂 bcoz the dog doesn't recognized him as a person.

[@DgardsGaming]

Well you’re not wrong

[@skybot7091]

I mean in the beginning yes, but after a while the dog would see the small fluffy moving thing as a living thing and stop commiting intense mauling within a few years

[@zachall101]

Either that or hump him lol 😆 some dogs just love to hump stuffed animals ha ha

[@jacobmassey3897]

@@skybot7091 but he'll already be in bits all over the living room floor by then 🤣🐻

[@karlfranz9373]

He actually rode a german shepherd in the first movie.

[@nickclark18]

"we don't know any lawyers , all our friends make sandwiches" ☠lmao

[@himanshukumarmaurya7326]

"We don't know any lawyer , all of our friends makes sandwiches"

[@SJMJ91]

Ted is literally both as much and as less as a person as Stuart Little. 🤣

[@mainstreamerchannel9919]

What about Steven Universe? He's not a citizen of any kind from where he's raised in. He's below the radar because he has no birth certificate, social security, and never went to school unless he was properly educated from being homed schooled. As for the parents of their son: The father has spent much of his young adulthood being a bum musician and the mother is an alien race of some kind that gave up her life form for the baby as some kind of reverse abortion. They weren't even married or being official by the state as well.

[@maazkalim]

under the radar* There! FTFY, ​"@@mainstreamerchannel9919"

[@thedukeofchutney468]

It depends on if you’re talking about the book or the movie. In the book Stuart is literally a human who was born looking like a mouse. While he’s an animal in the movies, animals at least have rights, things don’t.

[@maazkalim]

That's the dilemma repeatedly addressed in scifi involving robotics, "@@thedukeofchutney468" - and it is actually a challenge to the dogma over whom we can justify dominion over by mere classification.

[@dakotastein9499]

imagine keeping the same job for 3 years despite intentionally bombing an interview and breaking the rules several times and bragging to your boss about it only to be fired due to a technicality

[@colapepsiman2366]

John: Um, are those hard candies like just to take? Karl Jackson: Uh, those aren’t supposed to be out. 😂

[@godisgood1359]

​@@ivantheterrible2594Tootsie rolls 😂

[@jrc01718]

I like how Ted and Tammy Lynn's marriage somehow didn't raise any red flags initially, though lol.

[@almythical1096]

The lawyer was such a nice dude recommending his niece for free. And then dem hard candies lol

[@BlueBrixProductions]

If I had a teddy bear dad I would hug him everyday.

[@joshuaford2831]

That is adorable, never change! 🥺

[@rajithasan9319]

"I don't understand, we would've made such great parents.." *smokes pot

[@amandaeklund8136]

That makes them pretty bad parents because drugs are very dangerous:-( 😝😨

[@stephenking5852]

What I like about this movie is that Tammy Lyn’s role is bigger than the first.

[@gilbertobm]

Ted 2 is somehow deeper than I thought.

[@cjm-jr9xk]

I was dying at 6:02

[@DgardsGaming]

WTH was he looking at, he has a problem. 😂

[@bilalaft17]

Ted : “ Everything is going to be ok , everything is going to be ok” Her wife : *feels relieved and ok * Meanwhile the doctor : It isn’t

[@SuperDuperNick]

3:33 Lmao I love Joy (if I read her name tag correctly) I wish we saw more of her in this movie

[@joshstern5047]

“All of our friends make sandwiches”😭😭

[@SBPepperminion]

6:45 When they said the Monopoly analogy, it made me laugh.

[@jacobmassey3897]

That is the idea 🤣

[@Kayakingoff]

- Steve Jobs was adopted - Yeah also a million kids who do nothing 😂

[@itzsonic27]

We would make good parents, puffs on a spliff😂

[@sorenauto2525]

That’s the Allstate guy right lol

[@METALMAN4Wii]

They weren't in good hands.

[@fernandorodriguez876]

@@METALMAN4Wii LMFAOOOOOOO

[@ThePartarar]

“You my friend, are an oppressed minority” “Yea **exhales** no shit”

[@robertolopez-montes1412]

I must say that Allstate guy has really not changed since I was 6

[@Deathpony9000]

MAJOR KIRA!! As soon as I heard that voice!

[@reynardyonatan5521]

The transition is so family guy 😂

[@Overninethousand14]

When he turned into property and then his mortal enemy stole him and he said that he’s not kidnapping because he’s not a person that means that he’s stealing did anybody get that because that was crazy and he’s stupid

[@devongrander6733]

He's right. According to 1500's. He's property. No matter if he can walk, talk and smart enough to do the things you do. Dark humor. It's funny but it ain't funny.

[@rayunited2010foryou]

In the eyes of the law, he bought Ted for $40 from the seller, that's what everyone saw.

[@emanuelmartinez7496]

4:46 Yeah you would’ve been great parent, Your’re a teddy bear who smokes weed and works at a mini mart

[@emmonybrown582]

except the teddy bear part he sound human to me, a teddy bear can’t get high or drunk 😂😂

[@drewlovelyhell4892]

I laughed the whole way through this! HAHAHAHAH! 😂

[@johnnorth1961]

Ted and Ted2 are the funniest movies I've ever seen

[@godisgood1359]

And the series on Peacock is awesome!

[@Gavsterkie]

5:17 gives me goosebumps everytime

[@DefLeppardVanHalen]

Major Kira gave Ted a heads-up on what's to come.

[@C_DOGG_805]

That one guy sounds like he’s from State Farm

[@SmokeyGames420]

That doctor at the beginning? That's the guy from all state.

[@walter7054]

He is

[@wisdomleader85]

All state, buddy.

[@owenbentley9287]

Gun dog baby family is the most American thing I’ve heard in a while

[@prodigy-1600]

i wish a family guy was this funny...

[@carlospena9713]

“We would’ve made such great parents” proceeds to hit joint

[@caseyw1286]

Wait? Isn’t the doctor also the “Allstate” guy?

[@fx520]

Yes he is

[@G.F.Browning]

Totally

[@ki5aok]

Yep, and he played God on Lucifer.

[@ryanrahebi9490]

This movie is in good hands lmao

[@ki5aok]

@@ryanrahebi9490 And it may qualify for a safe driver discount. :-)

[@Weirdmster]

“Wow, you make history come alive.” 😂

[@carmanstevenson4186]

A human and teddy bear love it ❤

[@SSKO2]

“You are property” And then he managed to get fired as soon as it’s heard he’s not a person

[@jacksonl.grimes8384]

5:53 is my favourite line!!!!

[@jacksonl.grimes8384]

*5:52

[@robertmoffit1135]

8:38 is my favorite

[@moolissa379]

06:06 Everyone get your minds out of the gutter, it’s a picture of a dark rooster.

[@coolsal7577]

1:28 “And a gun to protect us all” 😂

[@davebancos]

“Yeah we appreciate your time-” *Pulls out bong* “-But what we’re probably gonna do is take a seat and get to work.”

[@godisgood1359]

I died laughing 😂😂😂

[@joeandcoffee]

"You're technically NOT a person"

[@prestonendresmovies]

There’s a difference between human and person

[@TrenchMan93]

You know this wouldnt happen if she got allstate.

[@DarkwearGT]

imagine dating a teddy bear

[@maureencora1]

We Need a Ted 3.

[@emeraldblaziken]

I am proud to say that my dad is a teddy bear :D

[@DgardsGaming]

So you’re half teddy bear, does that mean you’re half made of cotton. Not judging just asking 😂

[@cianoleary8226]

@@DgardsGaming you do realize that comment was a joke right? Lol

[@nathanbarker9165]

@@cianoleary8226 I think his reply was a joke too

[@walterk1874]

" I almost quit medicine"

[@warock567]

he became a god now..

[@garystra233]

Lucifer

[@alpha5664]

Fun fact German Shepherd's are known to be excellent with babies and they should've gotten a dog if the human baby thing didn't work out it's pretty much the same as raising a human baby if you think about it

[@NicheXCC]

If Ted is working, he must be automaticaly paying taxes.

[@mrcakashi5192]

i love it when doctor's when asked if it's possible and put the word's their reaction

[@rahulcanada21]

6:45 I didn’t pick up on the monopoly reference until I rewatched this scene

[@rasyid_titit_gede_racing_team]

What I like about Ted is you can watch movie while imagine it is Family Guy life action.

[@robertmoffit1135]

Yeah Ted is basically peter griffin

[@ryles9503]

@@robertmoffit1135 because some movie does dark humour and comedy doesn't mean that but okay...

[@ranelgallardo7031]

It’s made by the same guy

[@fynchan11]

Tedd: I'm not a person? Me: dude, you're stuffed teddy bear!

[@prestonendresmovies]

There’s a difference between human and person

[@fynchan11]

@@prestonendresmovies and who asked you?

[@0816M3RC]

@@prestonendresmovies Not really.

[@DgardsGaming]

I thought he was an Ewok 😂

[@brianpratts]

@@fynchan11 The why the hell can he talk

[@comsvs5708]

Gun dog baby family best line ever

[@atarisakurai5836]

“Like garbage or a piece a shit?!”

[@absurdcheesecake]

when the doctor says it's not going to be okay, you KNOW its bad.

[@wallybazoum]

The sad thing is that there are actually 26 year olds who don't know who Samuel L Jackson is. I work with a few.

[@TieflingKumasi]

At least she has a valid excuse

[@MarquesLKing]

F'real? Pulp Fiction, Star Wars, Marvel? Did their parents never put them in front of the TV to go make another, and the kid was like, hey a black guy aka Sam Jackson.

[@isaiahgarza87]

@@MarquesLKing Don’t forget he was in Jurassic Park as well.

[@splatoonistproductions5345]

@@isaiahgarza87 he was?? Which one?

[@jacksonl.grimes8384]

Ted and Tami are the cutest couple ever!!!!.

[@therealhexx4115]

4:25 why are they sending him mail if he's not a person 💀

[@roystonlodge]

She drives a Crown Vic? (a minute later) OMG, it’s Major Kira!

[@zSwagsterz]

They should make a movie about John Bennet growing up in highschool. Ted probably beat up his bullies, even the ones who laughed at him for bringing his teddy bear to the bar. That would be hilarious lol. They could flashback to those days while talking to Ted's kids. John could teach Ted's son how to bring his Teddy Bear to life. There should be a Chucky reference, but Ted's son turns out to be a real prankster. Oh, and they get the german shepherd puppy, and set the others free. The remaining plot could be about catching the puppies - and keeping all of them.

[@KingDavo215]

im down for this then again im high as a kite sooooo i would believe any of this

[@mysteriousinformer3198]

You have read the sacred scriptures, were did you find them

[@elainekerslake6865]

If it's TED related...I want it!

[@zeronos2844]

Well not a movie but a series.. thats something

[@r41n36]

ayoo, this bro just predicted the Ted series!

[@kochumolpc3159]

Well Ted gives me hope of getting a girlfriend..

[@Kyle-sr6jm]

Well, he is hung like a bear.

[@PatricksCrazyPlace]

The Allstate Guy and Kira Nerys throwing out bad news left and right.

[@hzel6471]

Peter Griffin trapped in a Bear

[@mylesjenkins5474]

“We should get a lawyer!” “We can do that?”

[@yanzielroman7380]

You make history come alive

[@nowheretohideit]

i love this movie.... so funny lol

[@miguelcastillo9589]

The candy and the lawyer😂