The best way to apologize (according to science)

[@nisargparmar7829]

A sincere apology is the super glue of life. It can repair just about anything. - Lynn Johnston

[@jakewolf079]

I disagree. NEVER apologize in this day and age, people only seek to punish and your (pointless) apology only furthers their intent to punish. If you made a mistake, be better and move on, never apologize to anymore and certainly never apologize to any group or country.

[@lunlunrawr5734]

@@jakewolf079 who hurt u

[@jakewolf079]

@@lunlunrawr5734 no one, it's just that I've seen too many internet drama (PewDiePie & LoganPaul etc.) as well as the political controversy like how you must apologize to China if you mention Taiwan & HK etc. I say screw it, apologies are dead, only people who surrender apologize, for it is but a meaningless white flag. I stopped saying sorry a few years ago and my life haven't been better. My advice to whoever reads this: Only say thank you, NEVER say sorry, not even when you hit someone with your car, yes I mean it.

[@makuru.42]

@@jakewolf079 what, apologies are super op, humans always want to forgive, even, no, especially the worst people.

[@OmnipresentPotato]

It can't repair my mom's broken 100-year-old vase

[@harrydaplatypus361]

A summary, cuz someone might need it: 1. To sincerely apologize, focus on trying to understand their perspectives first instead of making empty promises 2. After you understand, show empathy to that person! Especially if they're hurt terribly 3. Don't just promise but take actions to offer a heartfelt compensation

[@Sean-pv1nw]

Ty for summarizing the 5 min video 🙏

[@CubicalLaboratory]

Something important that should be included might be that the apology should be centered around you, rather than the other person.

[@mohdadeeb1829]

@@CubicalLaboratory If a person punishes you for your mistakes, that's okay. But if a person punishes you for trying to correct your mistake, then you don't owe them any apology. This is a long story. There's an online competition and I was subscribed to one of the Judges on KZbin. I told him that he shouldn't've opted for the judge. But he came at me and said that I should not interfere with his personal life. A natural reply, I would say. A few days later I visited one of his friends channel. It was a text commentary channel, and he made very childish commentaries. So I left a reply calling him 'Childish' . The next day I found out that he blocked me so when I asked him why, he said that I *'Harassed'* his friend and made *'Vile'* comments about me. So I apologised to him, but instead of being a good man of honor, he insulted me back by saying *"More people should block you"* and *"I hope you get terminated"* etc. You be the judge.

[@lneo9168]

I sincerely apologize

[@adotheginger]

@@mohdadeeb1829 there are layers to an apology. You can't expect to apologize for one small thing and not be affected by the bigger thing It's why what works in theory doesn't work 100% of times with people

[@keithauguis2844]

This is so nice of Ted - Ed To make a video about apologies. A lot of negative events is happening in our life and people don't properly and sincerely apologize to one another. It's such a fruitful advice paired with amazing research and amazing insight!

[@سليمسلمان-خ7ه]

Agree with you, bad things happens the most

[@Echo81Rumple83]

yes, but even then, some people will never forgive, especially when it's for something that happened way in the past before the individual turned 25 (the common age when we, supposedly, have a fully developed brain, not counting certain mental disorders like ADHD and the like). people are never the same as they were seven years ago, not just the literal sense, either. which is why it's better to cancel people who are hellbent in never admitting to their mistakes than a person who didn't know any better back then when they were in high school. ...or someone who said that punching an extremist in the face is not a good idea. it's essentially kicking a wasp's nest or bringing a knife to a gun-fight if you think about it. not to mention that they LOVE to use the victim card in those situations.

[@grapeshott]

Inside our families, do we "apologise" verbally? No. Those who are very close to you, will not mind if u apologise or not.

[@juanli4153]

Mhm

[@juanli4153]

@@سليمسلمان-خ7ه just focus on the lil things there will be tons of good things!

[@DragonplayerDev]

The Marie case was preventable had he just told her his intention beforehand. If she's not heartless, she will, at worst be slightly hurt (but at least she won't have false hope of him being late, or worse, think he had an accident, making her stressed and worried, in turn making her play worse) or at best, encourage him to go, cause she also knows it's his favorite band. Just don't let people be in the dark

[@GaudiFanYAY]

I agree that said situation could have been handled better like you say it could. It is just common curtesy. But I am ultimately glad they chose to not go that way and how to address the situation after the damage is done. Too often do I see some "how to apologise" guides talk more about how to prevent a situation rather than what to actually do once the damage is done.

[@RobjectionableContent]

@@GaudiFanYAY Yeah, those so-called "how to apologise" guides are like asking "Hey, I'm in a game of Texas Hold 'em, these are my cards, these are the cards on the table, how should I proceed?" and just being told "You should've folded before the river." OK, maybe I should have, but that doesn't help me now.

[@BoatSoccerPlayer]

@@GaudiFanYAY I think that's what the "doing better" part should have been. Once the damage was done, and he apologized, he could promise to communicate better. That way, if a similar situation came up in the future, Marie could tell him whether he was okay to bail, or if she truly needed him there, and (being a good friend) he would make a sacrifice if Marie really wanted/needed him there.

[@tomisinfashesin5997]

Just apologize instead of all these attempts at explanation. He made promise to Marie and he broke it. And your apology should come first even if you'll still eventually explain whatever it is that happened

[@RamirezGold]

@@GaudiFanYAY But did the video actually adress how to handle the situation after the ? Because at first, the video claims an apology surrounding the emotions of the damaged to be an unwanted and bad solution, but afterwards it's claiming the exact opposite in my eyes, where you should investigate the feelings of the damaged and build an apology around those. On top it advertises in my understanding to lie about own intentions by hiding them and promising to not act like this again, even though that was not true in a similar situation.

[@etherealstrawberry9873]

i think the biggest thing that gets in the way of apologising is pride. "i feel hurt too, why should _i_ be the one to say sorry? why can't they apologise? my actions weren't wrong!" things like that can really hinder an apology. but honestly, i've learnt to squash that pride for just a second, to properly apologise. i only apologise when i step out of line though- if someone behaves badly then i will not be apologising for treating them the same way.

[@kuratse205]

It's not pride; it's ignorance and arrogance. I am a very prideful person, yet when I do make a mistake, I realise it and understand what should be done. This is not because I am humble, but because I understand that a mistake and an apology is not a loss. It is merely something that happens sometimes.

[@eightbitfeline1415]

"i feel hurt too, why should i be the one to say sorry? why can't they apologise? my actions weren't wrong!" that is so me

[@cardboardbox191]

I kind of disagree if you've just returned fire or there coming at you when you've shown due diligence you don't owe an apology

[@Lotschi]

How did you do the sloping i ?

[@GayKermit-._-.]

@@eightbitfeline1415 "that is so me" that's not something you should be proud of or relate to. It makes you sound like you're an awful person.

[@Alistocrat]

Bro how did I actually get emotionally invested enough into the blue shirt guy and Marie's relationship that I actually felt happy in the end when he showed up to her game.

[@bradhuygens]

Me too!

[@littlecookie000yt]

Yooo Alistocrat! 👋

[@cherb23]

you felt empathy and compassion.

[@pixxeldust]

Alistocrat appearance?? 🔥

[@chickenenjoyer2215]

glad to know I wasn't the only one

[@ubermensch9179]

Recent data suggests incorporating a ukulele act in your apology may generate increased sympathy.

[@electric_chris]

This comment genuinely made my day. Thank you, good sir

[@watersheep1194]

what is an ukulele act?

[@houski4242564]

@@watersheep1194 a famous KZbinr got cancelled last year and they said they weren’t allow to talk about the accusations but they will sing about it and they used a ukulele. That song was deemed the worst apology ever by many people.

[@YouKnowImOnMyPeriodYah]

@@houski4242564 It wasn’t even an apology, it was a plain response. She literally said in the song she wasn’t going to apologize cause the accusations were made up for “clout”. It was straight up a song of her disrespecting the people she hurt 💀

[@SimsyHazel]

@@houski4242564 Nah thats just the toxic gossip train

[@nonamesorry7135]

Apologies are especially difficult when you've been gaslit (gaslighted?) all your life. So any time you made a genuine mistake it has been blown out of proportions and turned against you in such a cruel disturbing way you never even want to apologise ever again in fear of the other person turning this moment of vulnerablity against you.

[@7shinta7]

Understandable. That's a very important point you make. Understanding the reason why you have to apologize also involves assessing the impact of your actions. If the reaction of the "victim" doesn't match this assessment you also have to take a stand for yourself and draw a line. Otherwise some people will use the situation as a gateway to emotionally blackmail you. The "punishment" must always match the "crime" in a reasonable way.

[@lessismore8533]

@@7shinta7good point

[@amazinggrapes3045]

Legal systems treating apologies like admissions of guilt 😐

[@plat6164]

The feeling when you're the one apologizing despite being the one hurt.

[@Suzzers]

I know this all too well, sadly.

[@xeixi3789]

Up

[@lin.3407]

@@cicolas_nage because the person who wronged you is "hurt" or "mad" so you still have to apologize for making the person feel worse.

[@DespOIcito]

@@lin.3407 i mean... you don't? if you're able to recognise you're not the one who needs to apologise then you still don't have to even if the other is trying to manipulate you into doing so

[@tanfrederika2123]

This

[@jickhertz4124]

"Never ruin an apology with an excuse" - Benjamin Franklin. Much needed common sense advice!

[@DoBetterAnteUp]

What counts as an excuse? i feel its only fair that when you apologise you at least provide the reason you did something in the first place is providing your reasoning behind your actions a form of an excuse or not?

[@jekentmenietje]

​@@DoBetterAnteUp I know this comes a bit late, but: the excuse and the apology should be separated. First apologize sincerely, then once you've done that you can elaborate (non defensively) on the circumstances once the other person is interested in that. It should never be a 'sorry but' or an '[excuse], sorry'.

[@amazinggrapes3045]

I will counter with "never accept an apology without an explanation"

[@kartikeygupta8427]

"Intent does not matter; only consequences" -Kratos of Sparta, a calm and reasonable person.

[@oneirologic4462]

Thank you!

[@R41ph3a7b6]

Agreed.

[@R41ph3a7b6]

@@oneirologic4462 Agreed.

[@c0hink176]

"Don't be sorry, be better"

[@Johnny_67]

@@c0hink176 such a good quote

[@MMMMatt]

Sincere apologies and sincere forgiveness...it's a critical life skill that many in modern society have sadly forgotten how to do.

[@zoenavales7846]

"There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit one’s errors. It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness, but often helps solve the problem created by the error." -Dale Carnegie

[@brownell.landrum]

If you want to be forgiven, you need to go through the Four Steps to Forgiveness: 1) Apologize sincerely 2) Admit wrongdoing 3) Make amends 4) Never ever do it again

[@nickhaley2645]

What if it involves gaslighting?

[@brownell.landrum]

@@nickhaley2645 Then they would immediately be found out because they would do it again.

[@s-viper1462]

KZbinrs absolutely ignoring this video:

[@curiosityman1194]

I would like to take a moment to appreciate all the animators who work in these videos.

[@Unit01-2]

Infact Apologizing may seem useless, But a simple apology from a government could save an entire civilization from a world war.

[@vigneshwaran7530]

I am amazed by the way they breakdown Apology for accidental mistakes, non-accidental mistakes. The centerpiece of Apology and the offer of repair. So much to learn. Thank you for making this video and showing us the way to a sincere apology.

[@ae-tm8dg]

it's a shame this video isn't more popular because after hurting someone so bad I've realised how special an apology can be and how much of a difference a good one can make. so many people could benefit so much from learning a little about apologies and I genuinely feel better putting effort into an apology despite initially thinking I was the most hurt. it doesn't matter who's hurt the most.

[@kevinbuckingham3155]

Apologies can make or break a friendship. It’s kind of unbelievable. My college roommate did me wrong one time and refused to apologize, even when I asked him too. His character was inexcusable, and we couldn’t ever repair our friendship since then.

[@jgio5089]

I hope someday you can reconcile again even if it is possible. Still, if you apologise to them even if they accepted it or not that’s more than enough to show that you cared for them.

[@s71402san]

I'm sorry to hear that...

[@cloudy.matters]

After watching this video, i suddenly understood how good I am at apologies.

[@klattalexis]

Most forget the last step, "Now what can I do to right the wrong?"

[@RobjectionableContent]

I thought that was somewhat covered when the video talked about making concrete offers of repair. The key word there being "concrete". But yes, it is absolutely an important step.

[@magueysunset]

I like the workbook called 30 Days to Stop Apologizing by Harper Daniels. It was about mindfulness meditation. We apologize because we believe we're intrinsically at fault.

[@qwerty9797]

So apologizing bad? People are at fault most of the times.

[@farihamohamedhilmy4700]

What makes a sincere apology: 1. Understanding the person's perspective by having empathy 2. Accept responsibility for your actions 3. Offer a repair (make up for what you have done wrong)

[@JellyJam1115]

Had a friend that gave an especially abysmal apology and sent them this video as my response

[@juliannakocher3080]

I am really bad at apologizing, but this REALLY helped me to make the right apology. Can’t wait to see what you Bo next!!!

[@melonie_peppers]

Good for you!

[@Samantha-vlly]

Same, I'm not that vocal person, but I hope this helps in the future.

[@joeeveryman9237]

0:03 "The ability of a person to atone has always been the most remarkable of human features." -Leon Uris I have always loved ted-ed epigraphs.

[@avivastudios2311]

How is that are most remarkable features? Is it because it rebuilds bonds?

[@osheridan]

@@avivastudios2311 I think it's because, for example, if animals fight, they often become enemies. Very few animals can rebuild lost relationships in the same way humans can, so it's kind of a unique trait :P

[@سليمسلمان-خ7ه]

4:43 that made me smile miserably like subbing, that tear drop is so thoughtful

[@Womer-i8b]

I thought it was sweat 🤚💀

[@Ben-uk7bf]

I have saved this video, so the next time I am not happy with someone, I will send them this video

[@michaelkochalka3251]

My favourite part of this video was the background soundtrack. Truly phenomenal.

[@malingpalsu]

I really hate the "I'm sorry you feel this way" apologies. Whenever I get those I feel the urge to just ignore them all together

[@albertleinstein5378]

I’m sorry you feel this way

[@philcollinslover56705]

😂😂

[@NegativeAccelerate]

I don't understand what's wrong with that apology. Like some people have incompatible boundaries. Would you rather they said they don't care you're upset?

[@safeforwork8546]

Because it completely turns the blame around and just straight up isn't an apology. If an apology is an admission of wrongdoing, "I'm sorry you feel that way" admits no wrong doing and puts the blame on the victim for feeling bad. It's functionally equivalent to "I did nothing wrong, I apologize for nothing."

[@natywvela6668]

@@NegativeAccelerate And in this case, it is really hard to find how to "repair" or not "do it" again. Maybe it's like allergies, we have to adapt to not preparing with our favorite ingredient.

[@lukechernesky]

I’d like to take this moment, and apologize….. TO ABSOLUTELY NO ONE

[@Sgt-Gravy]

3 part Apologies or Discipline: "time out" until they can express: 1: What they did & why it's perceived as wrong? 2: How & what they can do to "repay their debt"? 3: What options or actions they can take next time, if they want or need the same things, or end up in a similar situation? Only after these 3 steps are completed; can the offenders apology really mean anything.

[@idiotgoddess2114]

I’m shocked at the lack of KZbinr apology jokes here.

[@Fitzo-y9s]

I'd imagine it hard for me to learn this due to me not really ever seeing a "bad apology". Really I only think of a bad apology when I can see that the other person is dishonest while apologizing. Such a as the example of "I'm sorry YOU feel this way.". Most of the time when someone comes up with an excuse for they're actions I take it happily, now knowing they're prospective. (Unless someone excuses they're actions excessively.) I understand these are all good traits to have, but not when it comes to learning how to truly apologize. I don't imagine anyone actually cares about this comment, but I find it comforting to put this out there.

[@CubicalLaboratory]

Thank you TedEd for sharing this video. I have been going through struggles with friends, and this video helped me realize how terrible my apologies that I've given them were and how I could make them better. For how important those friends were to me personally, this video basically saved my life. Thank you again.

[@juanfernandocastroreyna478]

This is very much needed, in my familiy no one ever apologizes, in fact i've never heard my parents or brothers doing it and i never learnt from them. To this day whenever i slip and feel wrong, guilty and feel sorry over something i just cannot do it. I try to, i completely understand why i should and even feel the absolute need to but even when i do i feel like that is not true, it feels wrong and because of that i dont feel the right to upset important people to me cuz i dont think i ever could honestly apologize to them not even getting they pardon.

[@Fritzafella]

Will defidently be using this knowledge in my fiction novel. Being able to write something sincere implies you have atleast an initial grasp of a subject, and puts you on the path to actually accepting that.

[@craigmerkey8518]

I have had some "uncomfortable" conversations with my family regarding egocentric attitudes! I have learned that a true apology is changed behavior!

[@CoreyCat4]

And to think Colleen Ballinger could've watched this before uploading her apology video.

[@vinnala-gk8jx9sq7q]

It is really important that this video exists because sometimes people do not understand their mistakes. Or, in some cases, they understand, but they do not know how can they fix the situation. Apologies can mean a lot for people, so everyone should know, how to do it right

[@hollowedboi5937]

Very true, even if you do seek and get understanding of how the other person feels, promise and act upon doing better, and apologize for the specific action and how it made them feel, its still likely the person may not forgive you or want you around anymore depending on the mishap or the person´s history. I believe it also important to be empathetic to other people´s feelings, but not to undermine your own. Especially if you have done wrong in the past and see that as a self negligent opportunity to become a doormat for people, saying ¨It´s okay, no worries¨ when you may be hurt by other people´s actions. Generally, practice empathy and honestly, courage to step up to your mistakes and to attempt to understand how others feel. And honestly about your own feelings when you are wronged to help others to understand and potentially build a better connection with others.

[@lesserevil8136]

I suppose I’m afraid that if I don’t apologize even if I’m getting stepped on, and try to be the opposite, I’ll end up going to far and ending up reversing the situation by force and stepping in them instead

[@NandoDevlop]

Not sincerely apologies is what made my past relationship break, it's horrible when someone is asking you for sorry but you know they don't feel sorry, and worse, afterward they do that again.

[@daredemptionn]

ted ed made me care about fictional characters countless times - this one was not an exception

[@izan72024]

I almost cried when we were there for Mary at the end of the video. So emotional 😢

[@giangnguyen-yr1zu]

Communicate: understand how they feel -> say why u wrong -> promise and repair

[@kalakritistudios]

"I am sorry that you feel that way."

[@soberman1520]

okay

[@oneirologic4462]

😄

[@cardboardbox191]

Thats what you say when your are not allowed to tell someone to go do one.

[@amogusguy2004]

By reading the comments, I realized that sincere apologies in this video only work towards good people. The toxic ones are a different story.

[@ಥ_ಥ-ಬ3ವ]

Passive aggressively sending this to everyone who ever wronged me

[@fruitbouquet5479]

Some KZbinrs need to watch this. Literally.

[@akshatdubey7904]

The videos are getting extremely nuanced and human as of late. It is a very welcome change.

[@andaction.agency]

Thank you for nice comment about video, we enjoyed the creation process a lot ❤

[@dearp.324]

There's something called "TAWBAH" (Repentance) in Islam. The literal meaning of the Arabic word tawba is "to return" and this is the action points: 1. Regret the sin (you clearly understand your fault. Regret is essential in showing sincerity) 2. Stop the sin (immediately) 3. Make a sincere intention to not go back to the sin (This is a heartfelt decision that you make to truly quit and not go back) 4. Seek forgiveness and repent 5. Follow the sin/bad deed with good deeds . It's pretty much adaptable in general social life too, and the 5th point is show how you really "sorry" about what u did

[@andaction.agency]

Dear TED-Ed team, thank you for your amazing cooperation on this project! We enjoyed it a loooot ❤❤❤❤

[@anupamkatiyar9770]

This video is really beneficial for everyone. Solemnly feeling remorseful for one's wrongdoings and finding ways to compensate for them is the essence of being 'sorry'.

[@double124]

I want to add however, that many many people were raised in unhealthy communicational environments where an apology is pointlessly demanded just because of principle, a proper meaning of apologizing is never taught, and way worse, but far more common, you are taught that apologizing will get you away from punishment and that is presented as the whole point of doing it. Because if you don't, you would get punished by those around you. You can only properly apologize to someone who actually listens and cares that you care.

[@RobjectionableContent]

Is this the same environment that teaches that if someone apologises to you, you have to forgive them?

[@oneirologic4462]

A relic of the bad old days. Apologize, or else. Forgive, or else. Otherwise known as “knocking heads together”.

[@crafteariee]

Thank you so much for this video! It's scary yet I hope that I can learn in my moments of discomfort how to apologize better. Therapy gently opened up my awareness to the tendencies I picked up from my living environment that have not been the ideal resolution to difficult situations where my strategy was mostly avoidant and defensive on survival mode. Life experience's humbling moments however have reminded me firmly however that it's "impact that holds more weight than intent" in taking the steps to own up to my failures with my responsibilities when my actions and words have pained others. Hope to grow more graciously in accepting and actively choosing not to perpetuate the harm I've imposed on those I care for again, one lesson at a time.

[@KhoiruunisaRF]

Thank you very much for bringing up this topic. It's something that really matters in life but is not too much talked about. From what I observed, the most difficult part was "taking the victim's perspective". Not just for me sometimes, but for somebody else. Because sometimes, people have different standards of what is categorized as OK or not OK. Even there's a moment when someone can think like a psychopath who has less empathy about what they did to others, saying "Why do you cry? I was just saying/doing xxxx to you." That someone doesn't want to apologize because they didn't feel they are wrong at all or blame someone else instead. I wonder if there is probably a further explanation for such behaviour. Maybe like how to be more empathetic with someone, for example.

[@en2336]

As my psych professor always said, don't put yourself in their shoes, put yourself in their FEET. You have to see the situation form THEIR understanding of morals, life experiences, cultural expectations, etc.

[@stjeep]

@@en2336 but how?

[@kuratse205]

@@stjeep Throw away all your assumptions, beliefs, thoughts, and ego, and *be* them? Not just acting as if you were them, but to mentally become them for a brief period of time, trace back all actions that have occurred in that situation, and feel?

[@stjeep]

@@kuratse205 thank you, i will attempt this

[@peaceofmontana1438]

I've always felt this way but hardly anyone around me ever treated me this way. This is so reassuring that I'm not doing it wrong

[@一BREAD一]

A certain ukelele-playing women watching this: 👁👄👁

[@aminaaden3469]

Yup

[@ghadahousen2278]

Thank you for this video. A good apology makes you feel better. Understanding and accepting responsibility for your action makes your apology meaningful.

[@7shinta7]

I usually don't care about how a person apologizes, as long as they do it somehow. The more important part is the actions afterwards. I hate beeing late and I hate people beeing late. So if a friend always comes late despite knowing that it upsets me, at some point I don't care for the apology anymore. Actions speak louder than words.

[@code066funkinbird3]

Welp they always said actors speaks for themselves

[@cataugh1]

bro I am the best one at apologizing and I apologize even when I am the one who got hurt but I still watched this 😂

[@funkydiscogod]

There are many who demand apologies in bad faith.

[@realnaveen]

Sorry can be used as a tool to diffuse a situation whether emotions is attached to it or not.

[@mphlohi]

Personally I'm tired of hearing that word "sorry". After hearing it enough times in life, it loses its meaning and just sounds annoying. I wish people would stop using that word.

[@deveshkaria1116]

I always used empathy and never had to apologize because people empathized back and they saw that the pain my decisions caused were actually worthy of it as I show them why I actually did it. Other times, I dont take much time to admit my fault and straightforward deal with it.

[@genius5625]

To stop making mistakes is kinda of impossible . But to accept it and apologise for that is least we can do 😇

[@genius5625]

I am sorry for lot of mistakes in comment 😂😂

[@ms.pirate]

So, Basically walking on eggshells right? Another mistake will lose you're friendship, and job.

[@lll.24601]

and this is why no one in this world will EVER, let me say, EVER be perfect. a perfect person is an illusion, and should never exist.

[@DragonGoddess18]

I think this is a video that everyone needs to see at least once Some people genuinely don't know how to properly apologize

[@ghadahousen2278]

Same here. Some people apologize in words. They don't mean it honestly.

[@youlikeanh]

Remember that it also takes the other party to accept the apology...like really accept it and not use it against you. A person like this often doesn't ever apologize to you or work to understand you

[@oneirologic4462]

Accepting an apology is an art unto itself.

[@ShockResistor]

Sounds like my mom.

[@opulentmanifester957]

This video gave me peace I’ve always wanted all day with the background noise and the narrative voice actor voice. I clicked on this because I know one day I will surely do something wrong to my friend and I want to make sure that I know exactly how to apologize

[@AlexPrevost]

tl;dw a good apology consists of 3 parts: 1. Taking the victim’s perspective. 2. Accepting responsibility. 3. Making an offer of repair. Sorry, not sorry ;)

[@Erik_Emer]

People are saying "KZbinrs and companies would watch this," but I don't want then to learn because then we'd all know how to apologize and wouldn't know who is actually sincere.

[@BigHead123]

1:51 It would be different if it is a car “accident”

[@kenswords]

A summary of the video in case it's too long: You are supposed to follow the DUEL principle. 1. Deflect the blame onto the other party. When you take accountability for something, you are essentially admitting defeat. And you are never wrong. 2. Understand the potential consequences of your actions and focus on that. Once again, you didn't do anything wrong, the other person did. They should be sorry for making your life more difficult. 3. Edit your video to follow with the current KZbin trends. What's the point of making an apology if you can't get the most amount of money possible from your viewers? 4. Leverage your power. Show off some of the valuable stuff you have, to remind the rival that you are a lot more successful than they are. Alternately, you can also take the opportunity to demonstrate your talents to remind people who's boss. For instance, can you play the ukulele? Do that in your apology, that will surely earn you some points for effort! Hope this helps!

[@bioalkemisti]

Heads up that some abusive people take advantage of this. You giving good apologies that is. And giving a sincere apology might make you feel unsafe if you have spent time with emotionally abusive people, and so giving sincere apologies even in safe environments might feel extra awful.

[@literallieme]

how do i get over this?!? i don’t wanna feel awful and make it worse

[@firefancy9928]

I want to know how to express that I was hurt by something, without hurting the feelings of the other person, or feeling guilty that I feel hurt. What can I do to get started?

[@RaynaZ-y]

Generally, I don’t have a fragile ego so I can take responsibility for whatever wrong I did and apologise but I sometimes do overcompensate which might not be good especially if the other person is emotionally abusive and will try to use it against you to get their way. That causes you not to want to apologise to anyone else. You will continually come into contact with all different types of people but I think you have to try to deal with everyone based on their personality and not to let anyone change the inherent good qualities in you.

[@shade5554]

I'm so sorry that I broke your million dollar vase. I completely understand your sentiments attached with it. As a token of apology please accept this $10 vase.

[@thejillykilly]

Apology is about feeling, and not about saying. There is too much importance on saying these days!

[@feynstein1004]

But how do I know how you feel unless you say something? Or do something? I can't read your mind

[@baybay9202]

when i was young i often make mistake and never apologize to them because i think i am right but sometime i know that i was wrong but i still did not apologize.

[@bijanparsa7680]

step 1 pull out a ukelele

[@feet5662]

Relatble

[@Snow_Sailor]

Step 2 Sing a poorly made song

[@bijanparsa7680]

@@Snow_Sailor step 3: copyright it

[@oliverbatliner1900]

i could be working out but here i am learning how to manipulate people

[@maarp4720]

This is a really good video, everyone should know how to apologize properly and mean it!

[@derderohnename]

• 1. Accept responsibility for your wrong actions (don't try to making you feel better, but instead seeking to understand the perspective of the other one) • 2. Offer a replacement or repair (say and mean you'll do it better next time or make them a gift or just ask them if you can do anything to make them feel better)

[@pendiro]

The best apology starts by addressing the conflict before it occurs. Did you promise your friend to go somewhere while you have once in a life chance to do something else? Call to your friend, and made him/her to understand your situation. If another person can help to your friend, arrange the meetup. Those actions are there to fix the choice you made, while avoiding the "betrayal's" feeling that would have your friend.

[@tanfrederika2123]

This is right and spotted on!! If you wanted the relationship, you have to fixed it. Saying sorry mean that you wanted the relationship to survive..but without apologizing, you dont want the relationship anymore. Some apologies can be proven by actions.. some just empty words. Nothing wrong with not repairing the relationship. Its your choices. Sometimes i apologies but i dont want to give second chance.

[@Trees7420]

A problem I face is that if I promise that I won't do something again or I will commit to change, then I'll end up forgetting and letting the person down again

[@indokid5311]

That's a you problem

[@Trees7420]

@@indokid5311 I said that

[@amriperkasa8229]

Sometimes I feel like it's funny that apology is mostly known as an verbal act. when in fact, apology supposed to be an active action to actually never do the same mistakes again.

[@disturbed5999]

The best way to say you're sorry is to STOP the behavior, crimes, or targeting that led you in the position to have to apologize in the first place. Don't say sorry just STOP!

[@alexanderdechaneet4001]

Liver King needed this vid about a month ago

[@OneTwoFive0]

As someone who fucks up more than I should this might actually be useful!

[@PinkYelloMonkey]

KZbinrs listen up!

[@Sinsanatis]

guess im decent at apologies. made a sort of half joke one time and it seemed to upset someone and so i apologized as it wasnt my intention to make them feel that way and their response was: "Awww...that's the nicest thing I think any other redditor has said to me. I so appreciate it! Thanks for making my day."

[@tommeng6522]

As someone who made a lot of bad apologies, THIS is the way. Taking responsibility for your actions and showing good faith are both important for a good apology. Defending your action is simply going to make things worse.

[@CoralEuphoria]

I need to watch this video regularly so I don't forget these important principles. Super video!

[@raquelsalvador8462]

KZbin recommendations are getting toxuc recently, i almost forgot about ted ed. Miss watching you videos. 😊

[@echognomecal6742]

Given the often litigious nature of many societies, I'd like to see a video on how to apologize without opening oneself up to legal jeopardy. As this video says, an apology can go a long way. Sometimes, it's exactly what's needed...& often, it's only right. I know of many circumstance where one party Wishes they could apologize &/or explain something, but holds back out of fear of an overreaction, especially legally.

[@natywvela6668]

Yes, and sometimes, you´re accepting the responsability to fix the situation, in ways which you are not fully responsable, are misinterpreted, don't have all the control, or didn't have the intention.

[@echognomecal6742]

@@natywvela6668 Sadly accurate.

[@nay.sen20]

Recently, I apologized to someone who got angry on me cz I said sth which he does. I wasn't sorry for pointing out his immoral actions, but I did not like how things ended, in a disaster. So I apologized to make myself feel better. It gives me strength.

[@CookedMeat]

As an important note: some toxic people doesn't deserve an apology if the problem isn't even your fault. On the other hand, if you're only doing an apology to make yourself better and get away with the guilt, instead of trying to actually address and fix the aftermath of your mistake, then you're the toxic person and ffs don't trick a person into rebuilding trust on you just to be hurt again. Leave them alone.

[@guldanajaksilikova1465]

I think Apologizing properly that mentions in the video will definitely make relationships stronger even more.😊

[@cinemartin3530]

Thank you for very good advice. Now I will know how best to apologize to my girlfriend. I am such a person that sometimes I can't help messing up and upsetting someone, and it can be extremely difficult to really make people stop being disappointed and offended in you, especially if the mistake is not repeated for the first time. I definitely need to work on myself, but thanks to your advice, next time it will probably be much easier for me to establish a relationship with a girl in case of something.😏

[@mishaf19]

Go do better hun, I believe in you!

[@RighteousRebel430]

If I were Marie, and if I found out that my friend skipped out on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity just to see my sports game, I would feel crushed. So, from that perspective, I don't think the friend did the wrong thing. Should he still apologize? Yeah. But should he say he'll never do it again? No, because what if another once-in-a-lifetime opportunity comes up? It's unlikely, but it could definitely happen. That said, this is still a cool video and I enjoyed it overall :)

[@jcd9456]

"Apologies aren’t about getting forgiveness and moving on; they’re about expressing remorse and accepting accountability."