Dealing with Addiction: How to Live Knowing Your Child Might Die | Karen Hardy | TEDxBismarck

[@Tragic_Magic23]

That’s my mom! Proud of you mom and thank you for giving me another chance at life. Without you, I wouldn’t be alive. ❤️❤️

[@davidr9876]

Good for you Bryan! I hope my child survives. Searching for insight in how to help her is what brought me here.

[@Tragic_Magic23]

@@davidr9876 thank you and I pray that your daughter finds her way. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be as a father (I don’t have kids yet but I can imagine it’s more difficult than I can describe) and I hope she finds her way.

[@paulettelamontagne6992]

@@davidr9876 same

[@reagan8457]

I don’t know you, but I am proud of you!!! Your recovery gives me hope, for my daughter ❤ Thank you for your story 🙏

[@simplydee4113]

Great mom!❤

[@livclem]

I mourned my son while he was earthside and unfortunately I have to mourn him while he is not on this earth anymore.

[@ffab5832]

Olivia, my heart hurts for you and your deep loss. I can't even imagine, and I can only imagine. Sending you big hugs.

[@Tragic_Magic23]

I’m sorry for your loss Olivia, that’s heartbreaking and I wish everyone had the chance to live and get better.

[@realliving7340]

My condolences ❤. I am mourning on this side but he is getting ever closer to the other side. May God's comfort and promises with us❤

[@carolburgos1837]

So sorry for you loss

[@elizabethivey9326]

I'm so sorry. Our son is on the street in another state and we have lost touch with him. I'm afraid we will get "the phone call."

[@kellyriley-duckworth4738]

I don’t know why I just saw this TED Talk today, but I must’ve needed to. Karen, if you see this, thank you for doing this, it took a lot of courage. Even when your voice was shaking, you spoke your truth, and I admire that. I related so much to your journey, as mine has been much the same with my only son Brahm. His father passed from cancer when he was 16 and he has spiraled out of control since then - it’s been 12 hard years. Some days I feel as though I lost both my husband and my son the day my husband passed. I loved when you talked about the relief you felt over Brian being in jail. I slept so good the night my son went to jail. He was safe. He was alive. I could rest. I, too, have lost relationships, neglected relationships, quit jobs, quit living and caring, made my life so small so as to be - I don’t know - here for him if he ever decides to want to get clean.??? I have begged, I have enabled, I have threatened, bribed and, yes I have even given him money full well knowing what he would do with it. I have drawn the line in the sand so many times I lost count. He has been in and out of jail several times, “baby Prison” once, multiple rehabs and half way houses & sober living programs. Each time, I had HOPE. You had me going while watching this, shaking my head in agreement because I can empathize with what your experience was/is. Until you got to your last point - HOPE. I stopped hearing you because my head was screaming so loud - Noooooooooo! It has taken me 12 years to get to the point where I am now : I just am willing to accept what I get from him at his discretion and in return I don’t judge I just return love. I don’t nag, I don’t bribe, I don’t make deals, I just say I love you, I miss you, you ok? As for him, he no longer asks for money, he doesn’t steal from me any longer, he doesn’t call me names and blame me for everything. I suppose he has matured some. We are at an impasse. For me, if I have hope, means I get hurt. My heart has broken. Really broken. Physically broken. So I just made a decision one day to stop having hope because hope hurts. The best I can do is send him text messages once every two weeks or so to say hi, I miss you. Sometimes he answers, most the time he doesn’t. Once in awhile he will call to ask if he can come by and visit. I let him…and we visit, I make food, he nods out on my couch and I let him for about 20 minutes. Then I will wake him and tell him he’s gotta go. Once or twice I’ve met him downtown to get a Starbucks. It’s sort of like seeing him is my own ‘fix’. Even if he’s not clean, he’s still alive. I don’t know what else to ‘do’ because the ball is not in my court and besides, I have ‘done’ everything I can think of. I got nothing more. I will have to go back and re - watch this - especially the green bubble part - I’m all in to visualization (But that’s another story) Hey - here’s something I haven’t tried! Visualization. This all sounds so sad and dramatic, but truly, these days I am mostly at peace. I do not want to go back to the days of utter insanity with him, so I just try to live in love. I have re-married and this man has taught me how to do this. For this I am forever grateful. However, I still feel like my left leg is gone and I’m using someone else’s prosthetic leg that doesn’t fit. I hope you are still doing well Karen and I wish nothing but the best for your son Brian. Living your life in recovery can be hard at times, Brian, go easy on yourself. Especially in the world we live in now. It’s hard to find HOPE. I think your Moms middle name is HOPE - so that’s where you will find it. I will try watching again tomorrow, Karen, and try to hear what you have to say about HOPE, because if you’ve got a way to do this I suppose I should listen. Sorry so long - guess I just had a lot on my mind. I don’t need a response.

[@karenhardy1857]

I will just say this...I totally get that reaction to Hope ... I hated it, and I wouldn't tell anyone to have it if they don't, it doesn't work that way. Sending you big hugs... thank you for sharing all that. 🙏❤🙏❤🙏❤

[@lexigulezian4575]

my mom and i are finding solace in your message as we are going through almost exactly what you’re describing. it’s so painful. thank you for sharing and i hope you’re well. ❤

[@karenhardy1857]

@@lexigulezian4575 thank you for telling me. Keep learning, searching for understanding, and holding as much compassion as you can. Wishing you all good things. 🙏❤

[@hokibru625]

Thanku, your tàlk is awesome

[@johnnachristy2973]

Much love to you and your family. I resonate with what she spoke as well as what you shared. We are 2 days in removing my daughter from our home due to addiction. We couldn’t go on any more with her here. Took 4 years to get here. We had rehab ready and she refused. We have no idea where she is. We are trying so hard to stay afloat, to keeping eating ( stress makes it difficult). I have more children in the home that has suffered greatly. I had to choose them and me for now. God bless you and your family.

[@ginnyhillyer]

I can relate to every word. Trying to figure out how I can live my life with all these feelings is so hard. But I’m not giving up on myself or my son.

[@ffab5832]

Ginny, this is Karen....stay strong, and hold compassion for yourself and your son. Take good care of yourself. Hugs to you and your son.

[@ladymeropi]

She spoke from the heart. So happy her son is on the road of recovery. Four years is substantial, but addicts must always remain vigilant about hanging on for dear life. My daughter's history is much like her son's, but she is not sober. After leaving a long term 9 month rehab, within a few weeks she used and was kicked out of the halfway house. She was doing so well until she wasn't. Presently she is in jail, she did not appear at her court hearing. They will be sending her to yet another rehab and the cycle will begin again. How to continue to hope after so many failures? Hard to believe she won't ultimately die from an overdose.... But it is so hard to not have hope, without it there is only mourning.

[@karenhardy1857]

Sydni, thank you so much for sharing this. Take good care of you, first...noone knows the future. Amazing things can happen. Sending you big hugs and prayers to you both... hang in there. ❤🙏💜😇

[@Swiss2thfairy]

I ♥️♥️♥️ this mom’s attitude and her son’s responses! Thank you both for giving so many hope. 🙏

[@karenhardy1857]

Thank you for your kind words. ❤

[@StacyMilon22]

Your story resignates with me so much. I also went to Al anyon meetings. Heard all of those terms. But as a MOM, I couldn’t relate to doing those terms. I am also a reiki master. And listening to your story I got chills. Because that green light is the heart chakra. And I put my son (an oxy addict for two years) in a green bubble every night before bed and every morning I would awake. Energy and powerful thoughts are so powerful. I’m so grateful for you that you have a happy ending. As do I. My son, after two years of an Oxy battle and refusing detox centers who decided to go on the methodone route to recovery and now tapered off methodone for just two weeks now is now moving to me from miami Where he lives to atlanta with me to have a new life… is his new life. So grateful for you and for me. The calls from the ER and on and on… just to have him here and knowing he made it out alive. Your story is so inspiring. Thank you.

[@StacyMilon22]

Also I hope you have given talks as well as someone who had a supportive parent and what that did for you❤

[@ThelmaSpele]

Hi. My son is the same, peace is something scarce for me. I feel like I'm living in a dark deep hole. Thank you

[@karenhardy1857]

Sending you encouragement to first, take care of you, find strength to do that and keep trying to find out out to best help him, never give up. ❤ Hugs to you.

[@ThelmaSpele]

I'm busy with it, found a Rehabilitation Center in Gauteng. Thank you very much.

[@karenhardy1857]

@@ThelmaSpele Great! Take good care! 🙏❤😇💜☮

[@MsDreya22]

Heartfelt I can feel this video so much that it brings tears to my eyes because I to have an addict son and I have said some hurtful things like call him an addict in the heat of an argument 😢my son disowned me for that and it hurt me tremendously worse part on my behalf is I felt like why should I apologize he’s the one who put me thru so much with him overdosing 3 times and 10 years of addiction where do we win as a parent it’s exhausting I hope and pray 🙏 for a relationship with my son again I’m so happy your son is sober 🙏

[@karenhardy1857]

Oh, thank you for sharing your pain and experience here. I pray for healing for you and your son. We work on our own healing and out relationship every day. You can, too, I believe that. Hugs to you. ❤

[@ladymeropi]

Guilty for calling your son what he was??? He is an addict and you have suffered greatly. Your son will reach out to you again, you have stood by him for a decade. I imagine that he is still using, if he wasn't he would have gotten in touch to proudly tell you that he is clean. Be patient, he loves you.

[@vclocals5536]

Found you in a desperate moment. Thank you for your story.❤

[@karenhardy1857]

Thank you for listening and telling me. ❤ I hope it helped some.

[@keeranreidling894]

I can definitely relate. It’s been an 18 year roller coaster for us

[@karenhardy1857]

My heart is hurting knowing that please take good care of you. ❤

[@CarrieLang]

I’m so sorry. I understand

[@jasonbachelor604]

If drug prohibition ended, most of your pain would subside and the drug user could manage his own life

[@a..r.9341]

Great talk, great mum and woman. She found her way go through this very hard and longlasting experience... mums must do what is the best for the whole family, for the struggeling child, for the other siblings, for the father including herself ... a lot of understanding💛, compasion💜 is needed to make healing 💚💚💚 possible.

[@karenhardy1857]

Thank you for your kind words. ❤

[@a..r.9341]

@@karenhardy1857🥰 I hope you all are doing well 🌹🌻🌷. Hopefully there were groups for parents with less pressure, somehowe according to your "mindset"... Best wishes from Spain 💃❤.

[@paigemckinney2024]

​@karen Hardy my son just got out of detox for alcohol and pills. This has been a life long thing with him. I'm hopeless right at this moment.

[@heidi32500]

I appreciate your speaking about the different modalities of healing and discussing how possibly the experts don't really know themselves. I have two sons in recovery, one accidentally killed a man. This turned my world inside out. Now I had to deal with this. I couldn't think my way through. It caused CPTSD. To help me understand what was happening, having treatment resistant depression, it was IM Ketamine treatment and therapy that saved me and gave me a new way of seeing the world I was dealing with. There are many ways to maintain hope. When I don't want to live anymore I shut my door and light a candle.

[@karenhardy1857]

❤ Thank you for sharing this... so sorry for those huge challenges. So glad you found some healing for yourself. And hugs to you and your boys. ❤

[@MyBodyIsMyTemple]

Seeing you all love and hope. You are not alone.

[@karenhardy1857]

Thank you so much ❤

[@meridithmatthews]

So true. My son is chasing drugs and im chasing him. Its hard to break the habit of fixing his issues and its a lifetime healing and i don’t believe you can ever recover from that😢

[@cathygirard6658]

Hello, just wanted to say thanks I didn’t know someone else had the exact same thing going on in their life

[@ffab5832]

Hi Cathy, it's Karen. I do hope you can find a community or another trusted person, you can share with and heal with if this is your current struggle. Sending you hugs and compassion and thank you for listening.

[@justme8101]

This is so hard. Detaching with love hurts so much.

[@karenhardy1857]

Take good care of yourself...it may sound selfish, but it can shift things in how you connect or make space (detach). Sending you hugs. ❤

[@susanackermann6747]

I’ve been going through this for almost 20 years with my son. I can’t control myself anymore. I literally can’t stop looking for him and trying to save him. I’ve been grieving for so many years. My heart is broken. Hardest thing in the world, how do you detach with love? I want my son back, I want him safe and healthy. I’ve done everything I possibly can. My family hurts so much too. 💔

[@justme8101]

@@susanackermann6747 I can't imagine 20 years. I'm so sorry. It's been 5 years for us. I write poetry I can process my feelings. My faith helps me too.. He's all yours After praying all night till the morning I just knew in my heart it was time So I said "God I know that you've got him He was yours long before he was mine." Connecting with others gives me encouragement too. Having had a recent cancer scare I need to look after myself too. I pray things improve for you but looking after your own health is important. Some of the love you give to your son keep a little for yourself 🙏

[@bp1980]

I am going through this with my son alone..It's so frustrating

[@karenhardy1857]

It is so hard!! Hang in there, take good care of YOU so you have the energy and information to best be there for him. Hugs and prayers to you because I know how hard it is. 🙏❤💜🙏

[@arlenecollins9801]

I’m going through it right now. I hope 7m later it has gotten a little easier for you. (((Hugs)))

[@sierra734]

Going through it right now - it’s torture!

[@karenhardy1857]

Sending you bug huhs...please take good care of yourself

[@robinjarvis8927]

Thank you SO much for this! My son and I are both lost in his addictions. He has given up all hope and I don’t know where to turn.

[@karenhardy1857]

❤ keep fighting, which might mean looking inward for compassion. And finding healing for yourself. Sending big hugs and prayers to you both!

[@GodisLove4Eternity]

I turn to God! He is able to give us wisdom and peace and He is able to be with and help our children when we can’t be there. I just heard about CRAFT and a channel on KZbin called “put down the shovel” by amber Hollingsworth That seems to be really good to help families of loved ones in addiction God bless & protect and help you and your son. 🙏🏻❤️

[@kristin4840]

Thank you for this video. I am a mom of an addict. I currently don’t know where he is as he left a detox two days ago. He was using fentanyl and I’m afraid he is going to die.

[@karenhardy1857]

@Kristin, sending you hugs and prayers for healing and peace for you both. Keep going, take care of yourself. ❤

[@theeteecee]

Kristin....I am so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. My son is 22 & just recently spent his fifth birthday in a treatment centre. He's clean - for now. He's safe - but I could be wrong. You just never know if your child is alive or dead, or if this will be the hour/day/moment he isn't ever going to be ok. That means you're never going to be ok. That's soul crushing

[@karenhardy1857]

@@theeteecee I am sending you the same wishes... for you and your son to find peace and healing. Take good care of yourself. 🙏❤💜😇

[@kimberlyziegler6034]

Me too- we are not alone but it is so lonely. Hope to both of us

[@karenhardy1857]

​@@kimberlyziegler6034❤ agreed... take good care - sending hugs.

[@kathymclaughlin3327]

Thank you for your words, they were very helpful.

[@karenhardy1857]

So glad for that and thank you for watching and telling me. ❤💜

[@marystele1197]

Great talk. Very supportuve and honest. Thank You 👍🌞🇬🇧

[@karenhardy1857]

❤

[@AnnieO100]

My son Jamison is in jail after 15 years of opiate addiction. My name is Karen. He’s being purified through the fire.

[@karenhardy1857]

I hope you both come to a place of peace and healing...🙏❤😇💜☮

[@MattersNot]

My sister is on crack she started 6 months ago when she was dropping off our uncle to rehab when he fell out of my dads vehicle that my sister was driving landed on his head he had bleeding on the brain and died later that day ever since she has bin totally loss she left my dads place living with some total stranger someone we don’t know and her old friend seen her downtown riding a bike skinny as a rake picking up cigarettes butts and I don’t know what to do I stress every day to the max I have my own wife and kids to worry about but I would do anything for her if she wasn’t so far away she’s over 6,000kms away my mom called me a few days ago someone called her saying my sister was in a hard mess drinking a 60 ouncer of booze every night also doing drugs I’m sorry I don’t mean to rant on here but it’s hard when I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it my dad has given up on her even that he use to be a drug addict about 15 years ago it kills me I have no way to help her. I also use to be a drunk and I use to do drugs also not crack tho I seen what it did to my dad and swore never to try it about 7 years ago I gave it up I think I was just lonely and wanted a family I haven’t had a drink since. But my sister is going way 2 far and I’m scared she’s going to die 😭😭

[@karenhardy1857]

Oh, I do hear your pain and struggle. I hear how much you care about her. If you have any way to let her know that you are there, caring, that can go a long way. Sending you hugs and prayers for peace and healing. ❤🙏

[@StaceyRobbo]

Sending you all lots of love and prayer. xxxxxxxxxxxx

[@karenhardy1857]

❤ Thank you

[@LadyMystic]

Thank you so much.

[@karenhardy1857]

Thank you for watching. ❤💜

[@Katie-pn2qf]

My son did died from his drug addiction age 24 😢😢 in 2021 !

[@karenhardy1857]

Oh, I'm deeply sorry for your loss. That is too young and I can't imagine your pain. Sending you wishes for some kind of peace in your heart.

[@taraleightaracumming6726]

❤ please god help our sick children amen

[@karenhardy1857]

Yes...🙏❤💜

[@Globelle]

I am at the point with my 23-year-old son Geno to where i feel hopeless and alone. This empty feeling of my soul needing to cry but unable to. My anxiety is crippling.

[@karenhardy1857]

Oh, I hear you! Hang in there and if you can find a counselor to help you process all this. Sending you hugs and prayers for both of your healing. ❤

[@Globelle]

@@karenhardy1857 thank you!!!

[@sandrapfauenglund8729]

Thank you

[@karenhardy1857]

❤❤❤

[@sonjacroft3016]

Thank you!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤

[@karenhardy1857]

Thanks for watching! 😊❤

[@KatherineMerceClay]

Yes! ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

[@lilianabreceda3730]

I’m on those shoes right now….

[@karenhardy1857]

❤ Sending hugs to you... the are big, tough shoes. Take good care of you.

[@a..r.9341]

💔❤️‍🩹❤❣️

[@trollsnotwelcome7805]

😢😢😢

[@альнуркенесбай-р1ы]

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[@Julia40731]

Shame on you as parents for not teaching your son about the Lord Jesus Christ. Life apart from Him is the reason people fall into addiction. Trauma comes from people who are awful.

[@kathleenmorris9309]

U silly women. Can't force Christ on them. I daily pray for him.

[@steph5494]

Not true at all. Shame on you for judging. You need to study your word and tread lightly with conviction lest God deals with you. I know many pastors whose children are addicts. Knock this pious bashing off. "Let he/she who is without sin cast the first stone." Life is a test. I hope you pass yours. Oh yeah you will be tested if you are a true believer.

[@Drema-dq6mp]

You are not a good person, you should not judge no shame on you

[@alesiaburris45]

Taught my children well of Christ..we still walked this road. It was the Pharisees who crucified Christ. Self evaluation may save your soul, true for each of us.

[@natalievandermerwe4564]

Becareful unless you know for yourself, I know of children who were raised in the church and have godly parents...rejected by church people when they stumble and ran straight to "friends" who "accept " them, and were introduced to drugs. Be very careful to judge!!!

[@УбийцаПутина-л6й]

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