Reframing perfectionism - the vital need for change | Julian Reeve | TEDxSantaBarbara

NOTE FROM TED: While some viewers might find this talk to be helpful as a complementary approach, this talk only represents the speaker’s personal understanding of and experiences with perfectionism and depression. TEDx events are independently organized by volunteers. The guidelines we give organizers are described in more detail here: storage.ted.com/tedx/manuals/t...
Outdated methods to manage our perfectionism are failing us. Julian Reeve introduces an alternative approach that inspires us to reset, and realize our potential in healthier ways with no compromise to the standards we hold. Critically acclaimed for his work on the Broadway smash-hit musical HAMILTON, Julian is a committed advocate of moral leadership. Born and educated in Cambridge, England, he has toured the world with over twenty-five theatrical productions, whilst remaining dedicated to his work as an educator in the U.S, Europe and Japan. A keen Entrepreneur, he has founded three successful companies in the creative sector, and lives with his wife, Lisa, in Los Angeles, California. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@Jezek2202]

My perfectionism is so bad I just searched KZbin for the past 30 minutes looking for the perfect video to overcome perfectionism.

[@Islamaroma1919]

I did the same 😂

[@geoffdeeprose9469]

I'm glad someone is finally shedding light on the negative aspects of perfectionism. It's not all glamorous and high achievements. The constant self-criticism and never feeling good enough can be so draining. Self-compassion sounds like a much-needed antidote.

[@jaycelrellon7397]

thank you for this ❤ I am perfectionist by nature since I was a kid and I realized that it's no longer helping me as a whole. I am ungrateful of small blessings, I am not contented of my self, I have vices because I get stressed when I can't make it perfect, I procrastinate before I want everything to be flawless. But now, I want to come out in my cocoon. Always praying to God to guide me on this.

[@RavishingDamsel]

The story of Captain Perfection provides a valuable lesson about the importance of self-compassion in our pursuit of excellence. It's a reminder that we should celebrate our progress and prioritize our mental health along the way

[@iainmclaughlan1557]

That is so helpful. Thank you. Just need to think of self compassion

[@jessiesangster]

I appreciate Julian sharing his personal journey with perfectionism.... It's comforting to know that I'm not alone in this struggle. Finding a way to manage perfectionism without sacrificing my mental health is something I'll be actively working on as well.

[@dr.timwalls]

Captain Perfection and Dr. Kindness make quite the superhero duo! It's refreshing to see self-compassion presented as a superpower that can help manage perfectionism. Maybe we all need a little more self-compassion in our lives!

[@alexdenns]

I like the sound of adaptive perfectionism. It makes a lot of sense, as with most things in life everything can be used positively as well as negatively.

[@neko-chan8219]

As an artist, I can relate to the pursuit of perfection and the pressure it can create. The presentation offers a valuable perspective on embracing self-compassion and celebrating our achievements rather than constantly striving for an unattainable ideal

[@2ndchanceisthebestchance]

The take home message for me was the correlation between perfectionism and depression because how can something be perfect?

[@carolyn-anderson]

I've struggled with perfectionism for as long as I can remember, and it's taken a toll on my mental health. Hearing this talk about self-compassion gives me hope. Maybe there's a way to find balance and still strive for excellence without tearing myself apart.

[@julianreeve]

You've got this, Carolyn!

[@quinnsantiago]

I've always associated perfectionism with high standards and success. It's hard to imagine a life without it. But hearing about the negative aspects of perfectionism and the benefits of self-compassion makes me question if there's a better way.

[@blueangel7998]

Yes! I am currently reading Peter Walker's book about CPTSD and Dr. Nicole LePerra's books and I swear everything comes back to growing up in fear and feeling like one needed to obtain a certain status to be worthy of love, to be accepted.... I also love the idea of "reparenting" your inner child to help let go of perfectionist ideals that do not serve anyone but in fact end up being detrimental to our growth, ability to flourish and discover our vast potential. Thank you Julian for this beautiful talk and very simple ways to practice self compassion.

[@julianreeve]

Thank you! Happy it resonated, and completely agreed about fear

[@makeitso1017]

I've always felt that striving for perfection is useless, unless the thing you're creating is something deeply personal that only you can experience. Everyone has a different perspective which makes for a lot of interpretations on what 'perfect' is, so, the less people perceiving it the higher the chances of it staying 'perfect' in your mind. I think the limitations of this speak for themselves.

[@blinkineck]

That was excellent Jules, well scripted, well spoken and well presented...food for thought.

[@pitiamarino2164]

Life changing

[@johnichie6130]

Great speech and really helpful

[@yannicarliso]

Really needed to see this today, thanks Julian...

[@julianreeve]

Happy it resonated, Yanni!

[@gaiasardoni]

I can't imagine the pressure you would be putting on yourself in thinking that 25 years of your professional life had all been leading to one precise moment.

[@deluxe_vegan1390]

I came across a term a little while ago "soft discipline" and I really liked this as a way of softening the standards in which I set for myself, and becoming kinder and more compassionate with myself when I don't quite hit the mark the way I expected. Great talk Julian, thank you!

[@julianreeve]

I LOVE the idea of 'soft discipline'!

[@ianvantreight1615]

This is really interesting to think about because what's perfect to one person may not be perfect to another. Everyone has a different interpretation of literally everything based on our own perspectives so I guess what I'm getting at is only you can know how perfect something actually is!

[@olgasladekova]

I once heard that all the good things in life come from the imperfections that break down our expectations - staying open to possibilities even when we are faced with our own short comings and accepting them as such is really a magical thing.

[@julianreeve]

Lovely thoughts, Olga!

[@zionwashington3rd]

This is a really amazing perspective

[@julianreeve]

@@zionwashington3rd Thank you, Zion. Happy it resonated for you

[@sneakerbabeful]

This statement doesn't mean anything.

[@sallybonneywell4767]

Excellent talk about perfectionism - thank you!

[@ElegantEye]

rewiring to reframe the brain. we all gotta do it at some point.

[@nelwashington]

I never realized that perfectionism could lead to physical ailments like repetitive strain injury. That's eye-opening. It's important to find ways to manage our perfectionistic tendencies before they take a toll on our health and well-being.

[@MyOwnBookpad]

Julian makes some really interesting points about the way even the concept of perfectionism has changed and I appreciate his perspective ❤❤

[@FineSinEgo]

What a very important point about the rise of perfectionism in society and its impact on mental health. It's intriguing to consider the different forms of perfectionism, adaptive and maladaptive, and how they can affect individuals in various ways.

[@hamlinr]

So many people truly struggle with self-compassion. It is so engrained in Western cultures that to achieve greatness there is a standard in which you have to operate by and more often than not, the only standard that is known is the one portrayed in the media and that can only really been equated to perfection. I think Julian has created a really easy way to counteract the conditioning that's holding us back.

[@julianreeve]

I appreciate the thoughts here. Thank you

[@soniabeldom5993]

This is such a great space for you to be in Jules. Really great.

[@andrealfifi]

Imagine being in a crowd that screams so loud the building shakes! That's some serious excitement for Hamilton. I can feel the energy just watching this! Wish I was there!

[@_natraj_]

Amazing, powerful talk. Close to perfection:) Thank you!

[@YourJourneyGuided]

Great talk, Julian. We need to give ourselves some space and flexibility to figure things out. Thank you

[@rossking8534]

Brilliant job Jules! Very inspiring.

[@rebeccalafortune3317]

this is awesome. love the talk, the imagery, the story, the creativity. Nicely done.

[@jimwebbjr]

I don't understand why we have to label everything. Perfectionism, self-compassion, maladaptive, adaptive... It's all just overthinking. Let's keep it simple and focus on doing our best.

[@julianreeve]

I'm not sure I agree, Jim. I agree that a LOT of overthinking surrounds perfectionism, but it's not the root cause. At it's core, perfectionism reflects self-worth

[@hudson-crawford]

Learning how to do things for the sake of doing them and not caring about how 'perfect' they are or if I even finish them has been one of the greatest challenges of my twenties. But Julian is right here, perfection doesn't exist outside of our mind and expectations

[@sneakerbabeful]

So your bosses dont care about the quality of your work?

[@Oaktreealley]

I have such strong feelings and beliefs about never being good enough that stem from literally my parents telling me as much. Or saying that i wasn’t smart enough and all the rest. That description of his physical reaction and anxiety to conducting/performing/being on the spot was so relatable. And i only play music for my teacher right now. 😭 But i realize how this insidious characteristic has help me back in so many ways. Feels like I’ve wasted so much of my life out of fear.

[@Oaktreealley]

*held me back

[@julianreeve]

Congrats on recognizing that fear has been a driver for you! I understand that it's tempting to look back and have regrets, but everything you do from this point forward can be with that newly found knowledge in mind. We're not who we've been told we are, and we have the option to change at any moment. Good luck!

[@TheBestCuddleBug]

I understand the concept of self-compassion, but it's easier said than done. How do you change the inner dialogue that's been ingrained in your mind for years? I wish there were more practical tips on how to implement self-compassion in daily life.

[@julianreeve]

Humans have incredible capacity to be compassionate to others. Start building self-compassion by using some of the language with yourself that you would do with others in that situation. Visualization and mindfulness are really powerful tools for inner dialogue, too

[@thomashurbert]

Wow, what an incredible experience! The dedication and passion of the music director and conductor is evident. It's a shame they had to quit due to injury, but it's inspiring to see them embrace the pursuit of perfection in their art.

[@stratulatlucian8064]

The part about getting the right encouragement to understand our perfectionism early in our lives really resonated with me. If someone had framed all of this in the way he just did I might not have been too scared to do anything out of the fair of never getting it 'right'

[@julianreeve]

I hope you've managed to overcome some of those fears now?

[@phyllishack]

Thank you for the reframe Julian! I'd never even thought about "the management of perfectionism" or how I could use my perfectionism in a positive way.

[@julianreeve]

Glad it resonated!

[@thehammygnow]

Thanks Julian. I'm off to meet Dr Kindness so he can introduce me to self compassion. I'm hoping it will be a productive friendship.

[@julianreeve]

Amazing! Let me know how you get on!

[@VictoriaTheodore]

This is beautiful and resonated quite deeply for me. Thank you 🙏🏽

[@I-Am-june-day]

What a feat to work for eight months with a repetitive strain injury. The dedication to his job is unbelievable.

[@thomasmthomson]

great advice here. I will try to take it to heart!

[@hinicetrygoodbye]

That's why there's no such thing as mistakes - just happy accidents! Thank you Bob Ross for giving me that perspective

[@DanielKepelMusic]

Really nice job Jules!

[@shaquille.oatmeal9576]

Self-compassion sounds like a cop-out to me. If you want to achieve greatness, you have to push yourself and strive for perfection. Embracing mistakes and failures just seems like an excuse for laziness and lack of ambition.

[@MarcoPolo-uh4pn]

This is a great talk Julian thank you for the advice.

[@julianreeve]

Thank you!

[@vivianacorinacabarcaherrera]

"To Err is Human" It is 2023 and this quote was written 323 years ago. If we could be kind to ourselves for our mistakes and in turn kind to others for theirs, we might actually have an opportunity to minimise the amount of suffering the human race continues to endure.

[@julianreeve]

Amen to that!

[@jujurocker]

The only thing worse than something "imperfect" is something that doesn't exist. Don't stop yourself from creating something out of the fear that you won't be able to make it perfect.

[@tubularvideos]

Captain Perfection battling his eviI twin, Maladaptive Perfectionism, sounds like a superhero movie plot. But in all seriousness, it's fascinating to see how self-compassion can be a game-changer in managing the negative aspects of perfectionism.

[@charlotte-may9193]

True that perfection doesn't exist! I'm reminded of the most recent Tame Impala album- he spent years trying to get the mix perfect but once it came out it was so 'perfect' I thought it was kind of dull. Easy to forget people will always find subjective reasons not to like things and no amount of 'perfection' will prevent that.

[@julianreeve]

Yes!

[@miguelgarces7685]

Oh man what he talks about around the 6:00 mark is no joke. It's unbelievable how out of hand that sort of stuff can actually get

[@glennhamilton3rd]

I used to think perfectionism was the key to success, but it's taken a toll on my mental health. The idea of self-compassion intrigues me. Maybe it's time to re-evaluate my approach and find a healthier balance.

[@julianreeve]

Wishing you all the best!

[@lumwong7237]

This is a great video❤ I have perfectionism and I just dunno how to make myself feel better. Though this video is not very long, Julian did illustrate our symptoms perfectly😊 add oil everyone ❤

[@schellecandar]

What he says around the 3:45 mark about how/why we're unable to meet that call to perfectionism based on the tools we have really struck a cord with me.

[@zionwashington3rd]

Whenever I have to do something that I know will be judged by other people I remind myself that they don't know what the vision I had in mind was, so they won't know whether or not it's perfect.

[@jujurocker]

Lol that's a really great approach

[@alisonjanicewhite]

Oh wow, the pain he describes at the start must have been so difficult to live with. I can't imagine being in a situation where you just had to push yourself through that amount of pain.

[@MyOwnBookpad]

It is awful. I have chronic bursitis and there's is literally no telling when it might flare up/when you'll just have to 'push through'

[@charlieonno]

I have used perfectionism as an excuse to hide my fear of trying something me. I can't skate because I don't know how to do it properly.

[@julianreeve]

Sorry to hear that, Charlie. I’m guessing you’d love to be able to skate? Perhaps consider what’s worse: the fact that you can’t skate at all, or the fact that you wouldn’t be perfect at it on the first try. Then remember that EVERYONE screws up when they are doing something new, and there’s no shame in that. It’s part of the process of learning

[@yannicarliso]

thanks for sending me this link!

[@wuyattakeita3883]

I remember being so paralyzed by my perfectionism that I couldn't even be satisfied with drawing a picture of a house because I couldn't get the door right.

[@coopercrank]

I didn't know perfectionism was a thing that could be measured alongside depression within a study?

[@lizzaleleflame9967]

I think perfectionism is only harmful when we're constantly readjusting what the final product looks like to the point where we can never reach completion. Like an artist just painting without a clear image in mind of the finished product, constantly adding adding adding until it's "just right" but then adding the wrong thing so it's _never_ going to be right and you have to start all over again. That's unhealthy. But if you have a vision in mind and work towards creating it and allow yourself to acknowledge when it's finished - and perfect, then I don't think there's anything unhealthy with that.

[@acciaisardino3470]

repetitive strain is no joke!

[@bethdanskin]

Perfectionism is something I struggle with constantly. my ADHD does not help!

[@bradcouper]

im still not sure if ADHD is real. like it just sounds normal to me idk

[@jessTcarter]

This is another example of how damaging it is to have monetized art forms IMO because it stops us from creating just for the sake of things, to the point where people stop pursuing their passions because it isn't encouraged based on how difficult it is to make money from.

[@ramonabest]

this is what made me realize I didnt want to be a professional musician. would rather be a hobbyist and not have to put the pressure on myself, even if it means having less time to do it

[@joakimrasmusson3320]

Not quite my tempo...

[@DwayneAlistair]

you savage...hilarious

[@Therealspence]

Big laugh at 5:00 minute mark. "Perfectionist hate the word excellence. it's like sending us out to win a bronze medal at the Olympics.

[@julianreeve]

Ha! It's true though, right?!

[@dizzeedean]

I don't really buy into this whole self-compassion thing. Perfectionism is what drives me to be the best, and I don't want to settle for anything less. Lowering the standards and embracing excellence just feels like mediocrity to me.

[@julianreeve]

This talk doesn't suggest lowering standards or embracing excellence. Quite the opposite in fact

[@fonzellevon]

Sadly I am terrible at taking Dr. Kindness' advice

[@julianreeve]

The first step with self-compassion is recognizing that you don’t access it very often. You’ve taken that first step! Start making notes every time you are hard on yourself, and start recognizing the tiggers. Then you can talk to Dr Kindness and create some new language :)

[@precioussegoe8481]

@@julianreeve hi, will you be posting more videos on your own channel? I clicked to see if you had other ones 😊

[@SingularDesire]

This talk completely misses the point. Perfectionism is what separates the best from the rest. Embracing excellence might be settling for less than what we're capable of. I'm proud to be a perfectionist, and I won't apologize for it.

[@cedricsae]

🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:00 🎯 *Perfectionisme heeft een donkere kant die vaak over het hoofd wordt gezien.* 02:01 🪞 *Verwaarlozing van zelfzorg kan voortkomen uit het constant zorgen voor anderen.* 04:28 🧘‍♀️ *Ongezond perfectionisme kan leiden tot stress, uitputting en zelfs burn-out of depressie.* 06:57 🕰️ *Ongezond perfectionisme kan langzaam je innerlijke zelf verslechteren.* 07:37 🎯 *Transformeren van ongezond naar gezond perfectionisme omvat zelfacceptatie en zelfzorg.* 08:45 💡 *Het aanleren van een positievere benadering kan leiden tot meer voldoening en motivatie.* 10:13 🌟 *Bewustwording van de kenmerken en gevolgen van ongezond perfectionisme is cruciaal.* 10:57 💪 *Het is mogelijk om perspectieven te veranderen en te trainen om positiever te kijken naar eigen prestaties.* Made with HARPA AI

[@IgnorantSeeker]

That’s incredible simplistic and a bit demeaning to be talked to like this. Yes self-compassion is probably right on the money, but this whole thing is not just a personality trait and can’t be done away by ‘talking compassionately to oneself’. I’m sorry but however wonderful a music conductor is, he’s not automatically qualified to talk about this because all his authority comes from “if you follow my advice, you might be successful like me”, which does not work like that. Please anyone watching don’t think this is what self-compassion is about and what psychology offers.

[@ho_o_n_e_y__b_u_n]

tell that to the super insecure people who think its actually obtainable and are willing to walk over any one or anything to become it.

[@christy-mercurio]

It is really unfortunate that the drive for perfectionism is accompanied by that harsh inner critic voice he talks about. Why can't we just be kinder to ourselves?