Healing From Sexual Abuse Can Start With One Word | Rena Romano | TEDxOcala

After Rena Romano gained the courage to speak out about her experience of childhood sexual abuse, she discovered that few victims have the same supportive experience. This compelling talk reveals a new approach allowing each of us to aid sexual abuse survivors to lead healthy, happy, productive lives. “How you and I react and speak to sexual abuse survivors can make a difference in whether we shut down or get help,” Romano says. “If healing begins by telling, then we must make telling safe!” Discover how in this talk by a woman who learned by living it.
Author and Mindset Coach, Rena Romano is a Survivor and Advocate for Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. She was a successful sales rep for 20 years in the male dominated Construction Industry. During her career, Rena discovered her successes strengthened as she had a perspective shift of her painful past. Her acknowledgement and celebration of her survival allowed her to achieve and maintain a positive mindset. A featured guest on “The Oprah Winfrey Show”, she shared her story to the world. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@valentinaarana8261]

"I grew tired of being ashamed of a crime I did not commit" WHEW my PTSD is going off

[@baddiesthatgotthephatty1195]

same here

[@jaidenarias5912]

Do you want to talk/learn about God and Jesus? God and Jesus both love you and can help you with whatever you may be going through!

[@valentinaarana8261]

@@jaidenarias5912 thankfully I grew up with God in my heart and he has never perished through all my hard times.... I know healing is possible through love 💚😊

[@aperson5294]

@@valentinaarana8261 Now, if only God didn't leave me with the echoing of my questions bouncing off the walls of my mind and left with no answer.

[@valentinaarana8261]

@@aperson5294 hey I know it can be very hard but that echoing coming from those empty walls is only the coldness you've grown accustomed to using so that you don't have to hurt anymore. But those questions you have aren't meant to be answered through logic they're questions that are answered through our journey of life. I know it can be really hard but you don't have to a prisoner of your mind you are still worthy of a life lived.

[@mrgman3229]

Yeah so true the hardest part is how your family reacts...even when they believe you.. there laungege, body language is saying why are you bringing this up now.. Oh Jesus you want to report now after all this time ... that's what I find the hardest ..what does not kill you only makes you stronger...I'm in court this Tuesday. my uncle is gonna be doing time behind bars

[@lilneets5141]

How are you... what what happened? I pray you are ok.

[@mrgman3229]

@@lilneets5141 I'm really good thanks...I was ment to be back in court on the 15 of this month for his sentencing but it has been postponed because my abuser won't travel from UK to hear because he is suffering from anxiety depression and kidney problems is what I was told...oh my heart bleeds for him .... spineless coward ...

[@lilneets5141]

@@mrgman3229 I live in UK. His time will come. Stay strong. Your in my thoughts.

[@kimberlygrass3162]

Stay strong. You are not alone. My prayers are with you. It sometimes gets harder after making a report because of all the drama but I think its the best think you can do.

[@colquekaren5134]

How is everything?

[@nikimason2297]

“ if healing begins by telling, we must make telling SAFE!” That reached deep!

[@pamelagrosvenor7024]

I also was abused before 4 and people think that it is impossible for a child that age to remember but I can remember....I do not have a relationship with my mom as I think that she was a sloppy mother! I am 59 years old and still remember....

[@lsweet222]

I believe you 💯 I remember my first day at nursery age 3. Some people can remember decades back, some can't remember yesterday, but that's what makes us all different. I hope you find healing from all you've been through. Janina Fisher Aleesha Barlow These are just two ladies out of many who would validate you and your past. Look them up on KZbin if you want or feel ready 🌻

[@UGH2500]

I also believe you...I began being molested at the age of 3 by my adoptive father...I remember so well running away from him at nap time!

[@NoName-pu5ls]

I am 53 and I still remember also, I remember since I was 3 yrs old

[@enggmanya]

I was also abused at that age by my cousin brother. Trauma leaves an imprint on every mind, how young does not matter.

[@porscha1563]

I believe you

[@mayyousayhd5967]

We must make telling safe.

[@ericchurch3973]

When you said “my older brother” chills went down my spine. My older brother took my innocence too, for 4 years. Treated me horrible after the fact, discredited my life victories, celebrated my failures, and mocked me to the point I moved 100 miles away and never go home! Why does it have to be this way? So much pain.

[@user-ws4cc9dq7j]

oh my god, similar story. when i was 10-12. but i still live with him, im 16. i want help but idk how

[@siphosethunduna5030]

@@user-ws4cc9dq7j i know what u going thrgh. I am 23 was molested by my big brother from age5 till 10. It happened multiple times sometimes with the family in the other side of house. When i told my parents about this they did not believe me and my brother denied it. He is 8 years older than me, i stay with him since i was a child. Sometimes i'd dream about it or have flash backs. I do not like talking or even thinking about my childhood because of him. He is now a saved man who believes in God. If i could i would move out but then my finances do not allow me to.

[@thelifeofkiya9366]

Eric Church my older brother took mine too ... I still hold on to shame .

[@thelifeofkiya9366]

It started when I was 8/9 until I was 12

[@abbyeberly7920]

I have a very similar story my older brother took my innocence too except I live very close to him

[@akb7709]

It kills me when people say "your so strong" in response to hearing of my abuse. I'm tired of hearing it, why? Cuz it's the end. No validation is offered. No help is offered. Hearing that I'm " so strong so you be fine. Good luck" makes me wanna kill myself, it's what I've heard since I first tried to tell back when I was in kindergarten, that and " your a liar it never happened".. praising the survivor is not necessarily a good response. Esp when that's the only offered response.

[@bable696]

Oh Maple please call for help, they are validating you. Not everyone knows how to respond what to say that's what I think this talk is for to help others know how to talk to us. I had to get help for myself it's not up to them it's up to us to help ourself please call this number for rainn 1-800-656-4673

[@rosiessweetnorr6893]

I’ve been abused too and I always say in this kind of situation “you don’t have to be strong, you can rely on me, because I care about you and I will do everything to help you start your healing process” and how I wish I could help you, I wish I had known you and tell those to you, I wish I could hear your story and tell you mine too, just know that some of us still care and the ones who say “you’re strong” and anything like that may just not know what to say. I can do nothing but write these, I’m wishing the best for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[@spaceforthesoul6286]

@@rosiessweetnorr6893 Oh that made me cry. It's beautiful. You show you are truely caring...🌹

[@tedmccarron]

I think I understand why that upsets you. It upsets you because then you feel like you have an obligation to "be strong" and not complain about it anymore. In reality admitting to it is only the very beginning, there's a whole lot of talking and therapy that needs to be told afterwards. Please understand though that most people are just not equipped to offer proper psychological guidance. They mean well but they don't always know what to say. That's why I really good therapist is important to talk to as well.

[@mariaalfaro5870]

What I would have liked someone to tell me was I would listen bit by bit. With no interruption.

[@fairy_creations3804]

I was molested and I’m still terrified to tell my parents. I don’t want to upset them and I’m still trying to remember it. I want you all to know that you are worthy of love and you deserve fair treatment. No one has the rights to your body but you. If you’re a survivor, never let anyone make you believe that it was your fault. There is nothing that you did to deserve this and I believe you.💕

[@AshtonRiddell]

Speak out, I have your back

[@fairy_creations3804]

Ashton Riddell thank you 💕 I appreciate you

[@UnraveledwithJoy]

I’m afraid to tell my parents too.. but we have to do it

[@fairy_creations3804]

I am Joy I believe in you. Good luck 💕

[@manisa5102]

Today morning I was molested by my own english teacher (I am a male and my teacher is a male too). He grabbed my genitals and squeezed them.I am having a great headache from morning....what should I do? Please tell me fast anyone 😭.... It's my humblest request😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏

[@daniellemayo4962]

I was molested at 9 by a sibling. I blocked it out for many years. After the incident the sibling was constantly bullying me, mean to me, hit me and would always tell on me to keep my parents mad at me. The same sibling also molested my sister. In 2010 I start to flashbacks of the room , the act, act upon my sister as well. I mustard up courage to message her saying I've been having flashbacks of our childhood. Immediate response is so have i and validated my flashback. So the following week I tell my mother and she of course did the negative responses you explain and i do mean all of the negative responses. I've been disowned by my entire family. I still live in shame and guilt for being traumatized for something I didn't ask for as an innocent child.

[@unity6906]

I hear you. I see you. I believe you. You are not alone.

[@MrSpud78]

By share. You are doing amazing work. I, myself. Are going through similar. Flashback, feeling. Only after becoming sober. Please don't feel shame. You are a beautiful person. As we share. We are blossoming to becoming stronger, empathetic people. :)

[@NiaMSnow]

Similar story to me. At 26 I spoke my truth to my family and everyone disowned me and told me I was lying! I am finally seeking help, counseling because its affecting my relationships with intimacy..

[@daniellemayo4962]

@@NiaMSnow I used to not think therapy worked. Until I actually was made to go, benefited from it, it was comforting to me going to it and fell in love with it. My intimacy relationship was being affected as well but it helped us both once he understood why I was the way I was. Unfortunately I still dont communicate with my family but it's better for me to remain in healthy enviroments. Being involved with my family isn't healthy for me or a good environment for me or my children. I look at it as, its there lose not mine. Same for you and your family disowning you, there lose boo, not yours!

[@NiaMSnow]

@@daniellemayo4962 last night I had a trigger during intamicy and the man I'm dating had so many emotions, I haven't had a trigger in years! He said, you dont trust me? I love you.. and he walked away. I feel awful and I just want this pain to go away. I hate everything about this life that others take advantage of people "us victims" and we are the ones that deal with the aftermath for years. I have lost a lot and I have been searching support groups instead of counseling and hoping that works. That's great that you have healed with your abuse. Well, for you to attend counseling that's a huge step! The fact you have taken pointers from it too, is inspirational.. For me, that's what I want. I want freedom, and be at ease. As for the man I'm dating, I dont want to lose him because of this. He is encouraging me to get help and let it go but i didn't realize how hard this would have to be... Damn 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@hollins2341]

I had to pause at 5:10. That was powerful. "Negative statements are really unconscious bullying."

[@MemoriesInMonochrome]

*P R E A C H !* 👏🏼💯❤

[@MemoriesInMonochrome]

Parent be guilt tripping the child telling the child "Why did you not attack back?" Yep I know alllllllllll about it. As a female child I was not disciplined or raised to be physically violent. And that's another good question why would you want to teach your child to be violent and combative? 🤔Especially as a female your taught to be gentle, graceful, lady like and poised. 💯👍 well, thats how i was raised anyway.

[@mariaalfaro5870]

REMAINING SILENT DOES NOT WORK. Exactly. But I did something even worse. My 6 year old little brain supressed the experience. And the horrendous secret remained burried for 30 years. Until I could not understand why I was the way I was and with it Art Threapy my story of abused came up to the surface again.

[@XxBelievexX12]

I totally understand this. I’m now 27 and uncovering my abuse. I know memory repression is our brain’s way of protecting us but it makes healing much harder later on. I have uncovered my abuse through hypnotherapy and dreams.

[@THEEck5000]

@@XxBelievexX12 do u recommend hypnosis as a treatment?

[@carmenserna6591]

Can you tell me how did you remembered the repressed memories?

[@inactive120]

I'm going on 21 now and I suppressed my experience for 11 years, I finally told my mum today and I feel like the load I'm carrying is a little lighter already.

[@paigejordyn579]

I was molested twice in my life, when I was eleven and when I was thirteen. Those two events made me extremely suicidal and for a little over a year I had to use all my strength to not kill myself. After it happened, I blamed myself so I kept quiet and didn't tell anyone. As time went on, I started to convince myself that all the pain would just go away and that bringing it up wouldn't do any good. Then two years later (when I was thirteen), I was molested by the same guy (my mother's best friend). I still kept quiet because, at that time in my life, I didn't have a good relationship with my family. I'm now fourteen and the one year mark since the second time it happened recently passed. I still haven't shared my story and videos like these are slowly pushing me closer to finally speaking up. Edit 12/06/2020: I told my mom about six months ago, and I’m now seeing a therapist and getting help! 💖

[@flowers2312]

Please speak up, to someone that may believe you, if they don’t, tell someone else until you get the help you need. You are so strong , you can do this!!!! Don’t wait until it’s too late,

[@cosmiccrush22]

Please go and speak to your school counselor you need to be removed from that home and situation I advice you to tell your mom too since its her friend

[@k.ambriz9789]

Thank you for sharing your story. This wasn't your fault. You deserve to be safe from abuse. Is there someone you feel comfortable talking to? Someone you trust who cares about you? I know this feels awful but please hang in there. I've been there and I'm on the other side of it. It gets better. Better than you can even imagine right now. Please tell someone.

[@alianajacobs5703]

Paige W I am sorry that happened to you! You are very brave and I hope you find people who will listen to your story and support you!

[@jumzzyeah3554]

Fight back.or tell someone whom you trust .or else he wont stop

[@spaceforthesoul6286]

I just 'discovered' i am abused at age 3-4-5 and later as a teenager. I blocked all memories *forbidden to talk* and was having daily panic attacs and severe depression and fear of people... I am 35 now. It hurts so much. Lots of love to all healing...🙏😘🌸

[@Letters2indigo]

Space for the Soul if you need to talk about anything I’m here

[@Letters2indigo]

ordinary subscriber well first off I feel she told you, in hopes of not loosing you. When you experience something so desolate, you not only fear what happened, but you fear being looked at differently by all, but especially the people you do love. I don’t know her or her story. So I can only speak broadly, but I feel you should make it clear she isn’t alone, make it clear to her that what happened to her doesn’t define her & if her heart is broken you will help her to make art, a story, a pathway to success with every piece. Remind her of your happiest times together and how there is a infinite amount left. Tell her that if she wants to report this or not report it you respect her and always respect her decisions and let that be known. Tell her there is nothing she has been through that could make you love her any less. I would recommend taking her somewhere ( her favorite place ). On a everyday basis be there consistently. A “ how are you feeling today “ goes a long way for someone who needs to talk. If she doesn’t want to talk, try not to take it personally it’s emotionally draining to feel so much and then have to re live it in a sense by explaining it, but at least she knows you are there. Remind her of your feelings towards her and let her know you are willing to guide her and support her through any help she needs. Let her know in detail too and tell her the reasons you love her & how you admire her positive direction shift in life ( in terms of this situation ). Let her know every day is healing, even the days where she feels nothing and hallow and empty, she is healing because she is moving farther away. And all though she can’t see a meter that lets her know when it will be finished. Every day she is getting closer & let her know how this situation as tragic as it is will one day feel over powered by her and not who did it. And like I said before constantly remind her that she is everything more than what happened, and try to discern if she needs space or not at times. Just always, always let it be known you are here. If you need any more advice I’m here. I hope all goes beautifully

[@Letters2indigo]

Taylor Beggs I’m here for you

[@carmenserna6591]

How did you discovered repressed memoried

[@JenovaRain]

I am 35 and just had memories come back of my abuse at 9. I'm devasted, but now I understand all of my life issues. I see you xx

[@fruitypebble2851]

it’s always been a secret. you know when people ask “what’s a secret you’ve never told anyone?” that’s the one i’ve never told

[@unstoppable-lawyers--thrive]

I experienced this as a child and it took many years to heal. Thank you for your vulnerability to help others.

[@lordprettybritney7053]

I wish I had a mom that cared and wasn’t abusive without interrupting me and judging me

[@racheal3538]

I’m here

[@loriblevins7265]

My mother testified in court for my abuser(her son…my 16 year older half brother)!

[@carmenserna6591]

@@loriblevins7265 sorry to hear that, so shattering. How did you overcome that?

[@toucansam3645]

I was abused at age 10. I fought it. I became a stronger person from it. I didn't let them win. I won. You must use it to make you stronger, not let it tear you down. May you all find the strength.

[@jhsemoxitha3821]

Seems like a lie

[@soulqueef2558]

@@jhsemoxitha3821 you are the kind of person she’s talking about in the video.

[@fancyfancyaloistrancy6412]

you have just made my day Rena. My uncle had stolen my innocence at the age of 5, I will always have a terrified face and reaction when people would touch me anywhere. I have multiple personality disorder. 1. Innocent and sweet- my voice changes to a high pitch. 2.Weirdo and big cursor (swearing). 3.Huge anxiety and most likely to have a panic attack. I learned that if you don't tell, it won't stop. I told 2 years ago, but I'm still terrified of my uncle and everytime i think of it, i cry. I'm literally crying right now, if you are struggling or having a hard time, things WILL get better.

[@RenaRomanoSurThriver]

You've got this don't give up. Congratulations and I celebrate YOU, you are not alone, stay determined to get fixed!

[@fancyfancyaloistrancy6412]

I'm not the type of person that could keep still for more than 5 seconds. I already tried, it irritates me too much.

[@nindiaprastiwi9410]

You are right, if we do not tell, it won't stop. That happened to me too, my lecturer would not stop abusing me if I did not tell my other lecturers to stop his action.

[@flowers2312]

You’re so strong, you need to keep going, it’s such a horrible and depressing thing, to know that people who are suppose to be there for you, are the same ones who hurt you. But don’t worry there are good people in this world, we need to focus on them. You will overcome anything I promise you.

[@evelinalaurent1463]

Fancy Fancy Alois trancy wow. I do the innocent and high pitched voice too but I never knew why. Guess I know now. Thank u for sharing.

[@jimmycarter9099]

Why would anyone want to do something so sick I am a guy married and my heart gos out to you all . May you all find peace and true love

[@jeannine5368]

My therapist often says "what's keeping you from letting it go" makes me feel like a failure

[@renaromano8578]

Don't let their question make you feel like that. They want you to dive deep to ponder why. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE believe that and really think about the question. You have the answer don't be afraid of it. Work through it. There is a lesson there waiting for you to uncover how wonderful is that YES YES YES

[@annavg7294]

When you said "my brother" it instantly triggered me. Just like other commenters. I'm not the only one

[@asraaa9506]

Molestation or physical abuse leave a permanent scar on soul.... It's 100% impossible to forget.... People only learn to move on..... But voicing it out is the need of the hour...

[@Acestlaviee]

What do you mean? You don’t heal until you tell someone? I don’t get it

[@dolphinliam888]

You made me cry. I only told last year at 54. Thank you.

[@reinettagrant9596]

Praying I get over it, it happened to me as a very little girl. I’m 46 and it is heavy on me until this day, and a lot of men in the past would ask me why am I so mean.? It was the only way I could keep them for asking for my body, that would always bring back the fact of being molested. SAD SAD SAD 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢

[@flowers2312]

I’m so sorry, you can overcome this. You are not alone.

[@sammavacaist]

Yes it is. And I hope you can heal for you. I wasted a lot of time running away and numbing out with substance abuse, and it's time I can't get back. 😢

[@wendywenz8725]

This too shall pass

[@kaktusdesiberie7196]

Yes It’s very sad!! Wish you peace🖤

[@snoozyq9576]

I hope you are doing okay and healing. 💓

[@katherineshaw1]

Just want to express my sympathy to anyone who was abused as a child. I pray for the victims of this abuse while I find myself wondering why wasn't I ever abused as a kid? I am blessed. I had to 2 loving parents committed to their marriage and each other...and to their children. As a little girl, I was encouraged to speak up and speak out...my opinions, my wants, etc. I was told from a young age that my parents were there for me. To listen to me. To guide me. Even as a young child, my opinions were respected. I guess I was lucky. I loved to talk, and was pretty fearless as a kid. My parents taught me early on that if something "didn't feel right," some situation, even if it involved an "authority" figure, I was to pay attention to that inner feeling and tell them immediately. This latest Catholic Scandal of abuse has taken me away from the "Church." I cannot silently condone these abuses by my presence in a Catholic congregation. I cannot and I will not support a hierarchy created by mere human beings that is the antithesis of God. Praying all victims of abuse receive Courage, Perseverance, Commitment, and unending Energy to receive God's JUSTICE.

[@flowers2312]

Thank you. Wish more parents were like yours

[@rosiessweetnorr6893]

your parents seem like superhuman to me because mine always told me to stay quiet, be respectful towards elders etc etc. and when I was abused I couldn’t say anything because I was molested by the person they left me to spend the summer with, and I couldn’t protest during the act because he was older than me and I should be quiet and respectful around him. it is weird to think how much could have been different if I was born in another family but I still love them despite their flaws in my own way..

[@Paulach1n]

g I completely agree. I read this and thought the same thing. Her comment didn’t make me feel any better and I felt like she was just showing off.

[@aneyeonyou1216]

Thank you Katherine, I'm so glad that this never happened to you. I was always warned about "bad men" and this saved my life, but I didn't know that bad men could also be close relations. Nobody thought of telling me that, but strangely enough it was what was really behind the warnings I received. Child abuse is a family inheritance.

[@kylehallacappellaman3435]

Katherine Burbott: I think you hit the nail on the head when you said, "I guess I was just lucky." Even the most dedicated, loving parents cannot keep something like this from happening, because there are far too many opportunities for this type of crime to occur to ANY child. Mom and Dad simply cannot watch over their children at all times. And neither they nor you can know who in your or their circle of friends or family might be capable of committing such an atrocity. Yes, you were lucky.

[@the_loyal_sif8393]

Told my mum about my CSA last year. Told my Dad today. Both reactions were both incredibly mentally and emotionally exhausting. I am 25 mind you, please don't make the same mistake and wait so long. Even if your family have difficulty with it, even if they don't seem to understand, its so much worth to shred even a bit of burden off your shoulders.

[@inactive120]

I'm 21 and I told my mum today, still yet to tell my dad and my therapist. I haven't stopped shaking but I feel a tiny bit better already.

[@the_loyal_sif8393]

@@inactive120 bless your soul, I wish you all the love and support. It’s hard but you will be so much stronger after you can heal and look forward to another tomorrow. You will continue to grow strong and be proud of yourself. Remember that you are loved and I wish all the winds on your sails. I wish you all the best my friend.

[@rosej5029]

Any parents reading the comments DONT TRUST YOUR CHILDREN WITH ANYBODY BUT YOU!!! WATCH YOUR KIDS AND LET THEM KNOW IT'S SAFE IF THEY CAN TELL YOU ABOUT ANY ABUSE TOWARDS THEM!!!

[@Natalieandinsight]

The worst thing I've ever heard after I told my relatives about my childhood was when my brother told me: "Hmm, I see, you like to talk about it so much!". I was just shocked !!! I just wanted some understanding and to feel that I'm in safety with my own brother. I didn't expect him to be so mean.

[@luna-moon-n]

I am so sorry. My sister just came out. Please tell me what you would have wanted to hear.

[@cynthiapereira8403]

I’m so sorry. That was wrong for him to say.

[@thewolfethatcould8878]

Thank you for speaking upon this!!!

[@thewolfethatcould8878]

I love your comment that You are determined to be a voice for others who haven't found theirs. Very powerful and beautiful!

[@snoozyq9576]

I am finally starting counseling after ignoring what happened for years. My numbness is going away. I can feel it. And its scary but it's a start.

[@RenaRomanoSurThriver]

Wonderful Congratulations!

[@tonia52966.]

Why would 76 people give this a thumbs down? They condone the act?

[@nicolewhite3276]

The victim is never responsible for the crime. Thank you for speaking on this and sharing your truth. CSA is the most devastating thing that can happen to a child.... it's true. :( never truly heals.

[@zephyrr914]

“Get over it already”. “He was such a great man besides that one thing”. I’ve heard so many through the years. I wasn’t believed when I told as a young child.

[@MsEliseL]

"He called me brave. And for the first time, I was a little proud of myself" Bravo!

[@uglyduckling8184]

I am crying now, It happened to me,with my brother and neighbours.i thought i can just forget it,but I can’t,as i grow up the more it hurts me,no one knows that this happened to me,im scared to share to my friends and relatives because they might just judge me,or tell me something that makes me feel worst about myself,i dont know whome should i blame,sometimes i blame myself and hated myself ,and i don’t know how to start telling to my parent specially now that it was many yrs ago,

[@theMUSTACHEperson]

margie pagaddut You shouldn’t feel guilty for what you’ve gone through, it’s the people who did that to you who are in the wrong. You are so so so so strong for going through what you’ve gone through and surviving and I promise you that you will continue to grow and get better :) speak to people you trust and get help in the ways that are right for you. Don’t be afraid, embrace who you are. Anyone that tries to put you down for your experiences isn’t worth your time.

[@walterpaton8698]

You did nothing wrong. There is a group on fb. Flying with Scars. It teaches you to F.L.Y. First Love Yourself. Praying for you.

[@priyanka1829]

Hugs. Sweetheart it's not your fault. You are important. If you can try talking to a therapist. It helps.

[@inactive120]

I'm 21 and I just told my mum today, yet to tell my dad and my therapist. I'm still shaking but I feel a little better already. My only advice is to go through with it because you will never feel 'ready' to tell anyone but if you wait longer more of your life will slip away.

[@Dayroom]

My father molested me on and off till 11. I told my mother years later and she scream and cried at me telling me I’m a liar. I’m 19 and still so confused

[@indiajacquet9195]

Im so sorry. Wish you healing ❤️‍🩹

[@im444n]

I'm 14 atm. I'm crying atm.

[@djin_yt]

Take care of yourself. You’re not alone out here. :)

[@sofiapostovalova4697]

i told my mother when i was 14

[@sofiapostovalova4697]

ordinary subscriber it was kind of ride or die. my mom told me somebody told her a story about a girl commiting suicide and leaving a note which said “i made it because of my stepfather molesting me”. and i thought to myself - i don’t want to die and i can’t take it any longer. so i slept with this thought and told my mom the next evening. it was so relieving.

[@_.natdaoneforu]

Same I’m 14 and have. Huge serect

[@evelinalaurent1463]

Sofia Postovalova same

[@adys6185]

My mother was never there for me, she called me a liar and still chooses to talk about my abusers like it’s nothing, she knows the truth now and she still chooses to catch me up on their life. I remain silent because if I tell her something she will give me a hard time and act like she’s the victim. I’m so sick of this woman’s behavior

[@maribailon2357]

This is truly Gods Work.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@toffeecoffeeeYT]

I get kinda flinchy when somebody unexpectedly touches me, and that’s only because of a random hug from a teacher when I wasn’t expecting it (teachers weren’t allowed to touch students at my school, and it weirded me out, so I avoided her). I can only imagine the kind of mental pain one has to work through when you’re actually abused like that. To the victims of these horrible acts, stay strong!

[@RachelParker-1977]

I was told "You should have said no!" After, the perpetrator was invited back into our home. Thank you, Rena and TED Talks.

[@carmenserna6591]

Omg same, so shattering. Can I talk to you?

[@RachelParker-1977]

@@carmenserna6591 I am sorry. Do you want to talk to me on here?

[@PingvinasBuratinas]

‘I WILL never STOP talking about it!!!! Just ask my husband!’ Yes.

[@MemoriesInMonochrome]

5:37 that's how it is when you are a child. When you are molested the child is the treated as they do not have a voice. Children cannot find the language to what is going on to him/her. Children feel shame, confused, and held against their own will to tell.

[@reaamaga8633]

Talks like this show that there are a lot of us in this world. How could they take advantage of one's innocence!? Now, after telling a counselor, I am trying to let go of the past, appreciate life and what it offers me.

[@JorgeGonzalez-lp6jc]

This was so painful to me,i was also molested ,on my despair and getting ready to die,i was Awaken…its been 6 years ,im still healing,its not easy ,but this time im not dying of shame ,im proud. Hugs

[@beverly6357]

My heart goes out to all the people who've gone through such horrific times. I cannot comprehend what you must have felt during that time. I hope and pray that you will be in a better place and will have the strength to talk about this. It wasn't your fault. You did nothing wrong. We see you and we love you.

[@kekojones8431]

I keep coming back to this video it’s help me lots.

[@Miss-Via]

That happened to me too when I was kid n teenager. It was my big brother, my brother in law & my uncle.. I never tell to my family. I’m 33 yo now, and It’s still one of my scariest nightmare. I still remember every details n I still cry when that memories come by. And sometimes this memory make me want to restart my live.

[@zoningout03]

Congratulations to me and to my beloved survivors we made it, we will made it, thank you for being brave. I shared my more than 3 times abusive experience to my family at the age of 18 and now i am 20. I am healing.

[@RenaRomanoSurThriver]

Wonderful News!!!

[@SlimKatie80]

My mother's response was just as damaging as what my step father did to me. She still lives with him and hasn't seen me or my 4 kids in almost 5 years.Those who know don't believe me. Because "he would never do such a thing." :( I get it... its easier to believe that I lied, than to believe her husband did what he did, for years, right under her nose. (Because she thinks it would mean admitting SHE did something wrong.) But I have tried and tried. So now I just keep to myself. :( How can I possibly heal from it, when it is still very much causing trauma in my life? Please offer any advice. Its only getting worse, and I want to start to make it better.

[@anelaknight9128]

also idk if your religious or spiritual but after i did my research, it did hurt to understand ab what happened to me and thinking ab it hurt the most and it caused me major stress but im spiritual and (sorta)(religious trauma) believe in god so i jus told the universe or something higher than me that ik is guiding/protecting me to take my worries away and to please keep guiding me in life because i want to keep living for myself and that i control my own life and to please keep protecting me :) ive been doing alot better since then , just keeping my faith in something . it can even be yourself . have faith that your life will flourish in abundance of love and light ! and you deserve happiness for yourself and your family ! idk but ilysm and so proud of you !!!!

[@hippychick4583]

Similar to my experience my family did not want to know. Since then i have been attacked several times and stalked twice and no support from authorities or others its a case of shut up and put up. Events can trigger me and i have meltdowns years later

[@mallukittens177]

Hey listen get help from a therapist. I am damn sure that will help you. I want you to reply this after you consult a therapist and made the recovery. You are never alone.

[@otiliamartins7310]

Dear, please go to the police, and after that go to the court and complain .

[@mona-ww2ox]

I believe u😢, its not ur fault, u r pure and a warrior 🪻🌻🌹🌷

[@masterjaninosaurustheone2323]

I am here, as a boy, after I learn a sad truth about my gf, who has been abused by her uncle when she was 6 years old if someone has advice of what i can do or say, I would much appreciate it. I will always be there to listen and support her, but i feel a sense powerless

[@AllanRochez]

She’s an amazing human God bless her amen 🙏🏻

[@Carebearr]

I was molested by my father. I have nightmares and migraines regularly. When I went to Highschool I told my guidance councillor. The police were called. I was shipped to Montreal then Edmonton by both my parents so I couldn’t testify in court. (We lived in Ontario)

[@nataliec2649]

This is the first time i youtubed a video like this. Tonight my thoughts weighed really heavy on me and i felt myself breaking again about everything that i have gone through and kept inside. This is what i needed to hear so i can lift my head up again thank you.

[@bryschwartz148]

Me right now

[@crocodilesandghosts4058]

I was 8 and my sister did things to me I will never be able to forget. I can’t tell anyone. I can never breath, and I can still feel her hands on my body.

[@natsthreads5399]

Thank you for making me feel brave instead of ashamed. I spoke up when I was younger and was told that I’m a messed up girl for making something like this up and trying to ruin his life. I will never understand why people think about his life before mine.

[@xoxoJGWS]

You are! Só brave! In this world, coming forth with a story like that is such an act of strenth and courage. And i applaud you for it, and hope you get/have gotten the help you need in the meantime.

[@enggmanya]

My parents dont even want to talk about it.

[@MsGlitterBombz]

Same. They ignored it and denied knowing. And are now phasing me out of the family. All good though. God knows my truth

[@juliakomar7918]

Mine neither, they only ask what was I thinking and everyone can make a mistake. It was 2 years and they still think that I'm ok and nothing happened and I can't move on and I am afraid of anyone trying to get closer to me but we can let those criminals to destroy our lives.

[@ayinaticfrazlin3572]

To MsGlitterBombz and all the others who have shared your abuse so courageously, yet were mistreated by your family, my heart hurts for you and goes out to you. I believe like in the Bible, if you loose father, mother, sister and brother for Christ's sake, He will bless us a 100 fold with more family (not biologically but spiritually). It's true that "hurt people, hurt people" and when we're whole and healthy, caring for and protecting our babies is the priority. Please know that you have extended family that cares for you all over this world!! You're not alone!!🙂

[@konmalon4723]

I...cant tell them. They wouldnt believe me, with how I act happy all the time my dad and especially my mom would think im lying..I have faith that my Dad would believe me...but that'd ruin me telling him...I don't want to be viewed as weak to him that he dont want my help anymore..My mom dont even have custody of me anymore(I dont believe she likes me anyways.) 'That' happened when I was 5 or 6, im 15 now..does it matter anymore? I never told anyone, that'd hurt my image, but..would it help me?..not to cry about this lady's words..that holds so much emotion to remind me of my past..

[@jaiminsharma]

Same... My mom even said... "Ooh you are just making this up"😂😂😂😂

[@michellewhiteford6452]

I am living my life, I aint letting my abuser spoil anymore of my life. Am broken 💔but I am beautiful 🙏💜🙏

[@lupolane721]

Thank you for this video I am a young man that survived something horrible as a child and I'm trying to move pass the bad things always had thinking that it made me less or that I didn't want to live but we only get one life in this world its a waste of a great life i could be living

[@UnraveledwithJoy]

I’m glad things are getting better for you, this doesn’t make you any less of a man Thank you for speaking out when most people, especially guys are afraid to. I hope you recover completely ❤️

[@somebodyoncetoldme4428]

It happened when I was 5. I've thought about telling my family what happened but I'm absolutely terrified about the way they will react.

[@peace-xm9nk]

It happened to me at 5, I am 32 now and I just told my mom today.

[@itsrosebae1697]

I was 3-4 . I had finally told my mom at 13. She told me her secret as well. Striving to heal just as she did.

[@inactive120]

I'm 21 and I just told my mum today, yet to tell my dad and my therapist. I'm still shaking but I feel a little better already. My only advice is to go through with it because you will never feel 'ready' to tell anyone but if you wait longer more of your life will slip away.

[@DeniseSkinner68DeniseSkinner68]

Thanks for encouraging those whom need to know they are not alone 🙏

[@lifeadventurer7627]

This is the best speech I've ever heard.. Talk about it.

[@RenaRomanoSurThriver]

Thank you

[@stopreplyingtome]

It's nice that ppl are willing to listen, for me I was always discredited

[@shanefagan5215]

the sad part is so many many have experienced this and when they come looking for answers or hope they cannot find it because no one whats to start the conversation.

[@jameswalsh6458]

Thank you for your story, it givesme hope that I can one day share mine....

[@RenaRomanoSurThriver]

You just did James, Congratulations on your courage and strength to persevere, You are not alone. Thanks for sharing.

[@unity6906]

I second what Rena Romano said. Congratulations on your courage. Your hope gives me hope. You're not alone. Rena is not alone. I am not alone. That makes three of us.

[@RenaRomanoSurThriver]

That makes millions and millions of us. Together we are strong!

[@flowers2312]

I hope you get the courage and all the support you need.

[@Silvanaism]

Thank you sister

[@kimmoorepresents1095]

The first step in dealing with any issue is to expose it in the light. Rena you are that light! Thank you for helping others find the courage to follow you into hope and end these horrific stories.

[@suzy3799]

i was molested when i was 15 by some 24 year old church boy. i am now 20 and struggle having a healthy relationship. i pray that this new 2020 is the decade of healing and self- love for me and for everyone else, aswell. please pray for me. 🌸🌸🌱

[@renaromano8578]

Praying for you and I would suggest you contact RAINN

[@reesemalo]

I'm going to start trauma therapy soon for this, but there's years of my childhood I don't remember, which is a sign of something possibly worse. Anything before 10 I only remember by looking at pictures/videos. I'm ready to move on though 💪

[@wpantus8544]

So true. Telling take away the pain that bury inside for many years. After that u can start living & start value yourself as a person. Ppl are very lucky to have friends & familiy who care & believe.

[@zoyq4435]

Today's sadreality is that victims are further victimized and put to shame by the people whom they ask for help.

[@ScrittiSparkle]

amazing lady,im a survivor,but i replay it all,over and over again from 5 to 20,im 50 now,i cant forget,im fed up of reliving it,i wish it would go away

[@luna-moon-n]

Please get consualling. Tell people you can trust. I want it to go away too.

[@trlwaifulover7593]

so i was helpingg my friend the proper way... I'm glad

[@bethany9563]

Thank you for this. Yes the pain will release somewhere even if you never speak about it. I developed 4 chronic illnesses. SMH. FOUR. Please love and listen victims. It’s traumatizing as a child. As I began to heal from therapists in KZbin my chronic illness symptoms have reduced significantly!

[@ScurvyRascal]

Could you share the therapists' name or channel, please? I'm in the same boat as you. Please 🙏

[@nida4509]

It’s killing me too

[@sallieturko9454]

Rena is a dynamic woman, and I praise her for finding the power to release this beast of pain inside. Her strength is helping thousands of women worldwide.

[@kaitlinbiermann2395]

super proud of this strong woman..... unfortunatly, i have the same story, only with the exact oposite reactection from my family. i told this year, my mom was so bitter, harsh and mean about it....... she covered for my brother, and now asks why i am so cold to her, as if im the one with the problem... im healing, but there is no justice... hes about to get married, and wants me to come to the wedding... its so difficult to deal with the affects of this. fight on fighters.....

[@xoxoJGWS]

Its okay to not go to that wedding. Its okay to choose yourself, if that is going or not going. Do what feels best for you, regardless of your familys reaction. Hope youre doing well and i wish you all the strength and courage.

[@HebrewsElevenTwentyFive]

You're not alone Kaitlin, I am in a similar situation. It's so upsetting.

[@Calcifurr]

Thank you so much for sharing. Unfortunately only one soul knows my story. When I was 8 years old I was molested multiple times by my cousin. To this day, the flashbacks still haunt me. Every time we have family gatherings and I see him, I avoid him and hurt quietly to myself. I’m not sure how to tell my family. I’m afraid of judgement and what people will say and think about me. I’ve persevered through so much in life and have accomplished so much. I’m educated and healthy and know I will be successful in my future. The only thing that haunts me is this situation to this day. I hope one day I can be as strong as you to tell my story. Thank you.

[@luna-moon-n]

No matter what happens when he dies. He will tourtered for years to come for what he did to you.

[@inactive120]

I'm 21 and I just told my mum today, yet to tell my dad and my therapist. I'm still shaking but I feel a little better already. My only advice is to go through with it because you will never feel 'ready' to tell anyone but if you wait longer more of your life will slip away.

[@jagatraj9631]

Stay strong

[@Jearl_Black]

Lord help them all. I know a person who was told to shut it up as a 7 year old girl. "Shut it up" "that didn't happen" she was told by her own parents. Her own parents! The ones she thought she could trust that would help her, they turned their backs on their own child. It would surely be difficult to deal with a monster and a such an awful deed, but to be such a coward to let your own child suffer their entire life.....I will never understand.

[@aneta3098]

Who would've believed me at 14? They thought *I* seduced *HIM* .

[@RupalKhare]

My god... I am so sorry you had to go through this dear... You are strong and wonderful...more power to you sister ❣️

[@aneta3098]

@@RupalKhare thank you so much, I only started believing myself this last summer, so the support means a lot ❤

[@RupalKhare]

❤️❤️

[@RupalKhare]

@@rudra62 that is just heartbreaking. I can't even imagine the pain a 3 year old must have felt. Aren't you the strongest for being able to actually say it out loud. You should be so so proud of your self. I don't know you but I am proud of you too. ❣️❣️❣️

[@MemoriesInMonochrome]

I know exactly what you mean. And then *you* are the one misunderstood. Hugs you. 🤗❤💯

[@NoName-pu5ls]

I told as a kid the police a teacher n my momster..they all sent me back to the same people who abused me. My dad gave me another beaten n I never told again..BUT I have healed on my own. Skilled trauma informed therapist cost $ big$$, you can find free help by researching. Free support groups etc. In my experience friends don't know what to say or how to help.

[@lisnatotesto7362]

I been 7 when my neighbor sexualy abused me ... i can't escape from that feeling of guilt...My mother always says it's my fault ... I can't live with the knowledge that I can meet him anywhere ... He walk freely without feeling any guilt...

[@someonesomewhere9254]

You're not guilty of anything you're a survivor. I don't know i this can make feel anybetter but the person who molested me is my uncle and the probab5of meeting him is also higher but I'm not ashamed or guilty

[@RenaRomanoSurThriver]

Please call RAINN for help. THEY WILL HELP YOU! 800-656-4673 I am so proud of you for sharing please call them.

[@Jayla_lifts_]

Praying for you

[@Aleksandra.DaGreat]

Majka ti je budala. Taj treba biti u zatvoru, da se namuci negde u rupi nekoj.

[@matthewhenley783]

Keep talking ma'am. Keep telling the story and become more empowered in the telling. You are a very brave woman.

[@jasminethompson7531]

I'm 13 and it happen to me at 12 I haven't spoken yet I'm scared to be judged this is the only time iv ever talk about it

[@kristinabrown3077]

Jasmine, I know I am a stranger on the internet, but being in your position once this comment spoke to me you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to reach out, and know things get much much better

[@jasminethompson7531]

@@kristinabrown3077 OK thanks

[@inactive120]

I'm 21 and I just told my mum today, yet to tell my dad and my therapist. I'm still shaking but I feel a little better already. My only advice is to go through with it because you will never feel 'ready' to tell anyone but if you wait longer more of your life will slip away.

[@cytrus222]

"stop talking about it so much" it literally broke my heart...

[@janeosisiogu138]

I told my twin brother last night that my “ex” who I was involved with (I was 14 he was 20) used to force himself on me and he told me to get over it.. I mentally broke down and couldn’t breathe and all the flash blacks came back.. I felt so mentally exhausted and didn’t even want to speak.. watching this the next morning. Thank you..

[@bensmith8957]

I'm sorry that happened to you

[@luna-moon-n]

I am sorry.

[@jillthewinegirl]

Congratulations on your courage and bravery to share your story. It is time we normalize this taboo topic and create a space for others to heal and live the life of their dreams.

[@melanielongbottom6802]

Wow an amazing powerful video. I needed to hear this. I just put my abuser away for 9 years 30 years later.... And although It feels amazing hes in prison. Never will this result diminish my or everybody else's pain here. It still happened its still gonna effect every area of our lifes everyday. I'm proud of every victim of this crime. We survived these monsters. Remind yourself of this every time you need too were warriors. It takes guts of glory. We're all human. If we had a choice in our childhoods we wouldn't have choose this. But we survived it. It's not us that should be ashamed it's those monsters that inflict these atrocities. Sending all my love and support to the world of survivors of this abuse. I'm sorry you have been through it. Thankyou for video it was amazing xxx

[@mysoulfairy]

So true, people give that horrified look and then end it with you are so strong. Why cant you just let go of your past. You are still in the past. And all that nonsense. Why didn’t you tell? Why do you bring it up now? Although what happened was not a really big action to others, as a kid it was a big deal for me, it created a life full of fear.

[@blissbased]

I understand.

[@kayceewhite]

Beautifully said, every single thing is on point. I’m happy I found this, and I’m happy it’s being talked about. To all my fellow survivors out there, YOU ARE AMAZING, I’m proud of you, I believe you, keep going

[@damnnative3188]

"I had no language for what was happening."

[@ewomeen2389]

......i feel so sorry for you and that you experienced that at a young age laady....

[@leanna6799]

My half brother molested both my sisters when they were young. I think he might've molested me too, but I was a toddler at the time and can't remember. My mother has a mental disorder and so when my sister's told her what he did, she yelled at him a bunch and thought that would solve everything. She still made us live with him because she said there was no other choice. He was always a bully and never changed nor regretted anything. Now that my sisters and I are all adults, we see even more than ever how messed up the situation was and is, because our parents never took action to help us, threaten us if we mention therapy, support and dote over our brother, and blame us for what happened I just want my sisters and I to be able to speak out and get help. It's so messed up

[@oliviaolavarria1951]

Love the message 😤🙏 and amen, Men get abused too despite what some people think🙌

[@suzannhar]

Very helpful. I congratulate myself for making it this far. I can go further.

[@erintrolley3074]

Thank you so much for this. Lately, I have been struggling with my unhealed heart from my CSA. Even though it all ended just over 10 years ago, the pain remains with me every day. Your talk provided me with comfort, even if just for a moment.

[@cynthiadavis4045]

When your family tells you that you are healing when you stop talking about it … When your family tells you to stop causing drama .. stop hurting your mother .. by telling her the truth about the man she loved and what he did to her one and only daughter

[@britelite8885]

I did stay in group home it helped me get on my feet now I'm living in the community and my migraines have gotten better

[@susannieradko30]

It takes years to see what you need to see. Knowledge is power.

[@WithoutOnlyMe]

I was molested when I was 4 years old, I didn’t come out until almost 2 years ago. Ive had suicidal thoughts at a very young age with also having a birth mark which caused bullying. I’ve had my voice tooken away from me by a man who gets to walk freely. No one actually listens, no one to talk to. No one that actually cares and makes an effort. That’s all I want, is that too much to ask for?.. But then again.. Who would want to deal with all that mental baggage..

[@sylviasommer8394]

Sorry you went through that. I admire your bravery in opening up, and I hope you can find healing.

[@WithoutOnlyMe]

@@sylviasommer8394 i wanna try therapy i've heard from other people it can help. hopefully

[@grilledupuk]

I’d listen to you bro

[@inactive120]

@@WithoutOnlyMe it really helps, please go to therapy asap