Understanding and Forgiving Suicide | Rachel Brennan | TEDxSyracuseUniversity

[@ScarCaskt]

My wife killed herself less than a week ago. She suffered from fibromyalgia chronic fatigue and depression. We love each other very deeply. My wife didn't want to hurt anyone, she just couldn't take it anymore. She saw no relief in the future, she hasn't been pain free in years. I cannot begin to imagine what this feels like. I have a whole new outlook on suicide. I have compassion and I think it takes a lot of courage to kill oneself. I feel that there is a negative stigma about suicide. I feel it shouldn't be hidden or censored. I went to a FB group for suicide awareness. And I saw a meme that said, "If you don't want to live for you, then live for me." I think this is a selfish statement and does not validate the person's feelings. I feel the best way is to listen, and validate these feelings, and offer any help that you can. I miss my wife very much and I know I'm fresh into this unreal reality. But I can feel her love and I know she is no longer suffering. I'm truly sorry and my heart goes out to anyone and everyone who has or is experiencing this tragic loss.

[@veeherreraJanecka]

My deepest sympathies. My son took his life 5 days ago. He was once a vibrant and healthy year young man, even graduating college wirh honors. Then he began to have severe inflammation in his body that lead to years of suffering. He eventually became so depressed that he seemed to have a psychotic break. I can’t fathom that he is gone. I also wanted to talk about the chronic pain. I’ve had chronic pain for 16 years due to an auto accident. If I wasn’t being treated for this pain it would be even worse. I have depression and fatigue and many days wish the Lord would just take me. Living with constant pain is bewildering and hopeless. Your post has helped me. My prayers for you

[@ScarCaskt]

@@veeherreraJanecka 🙏❤️

[@joelorei2146]

💔

[@manie141]

My partner took her life two weeks ago. She also suffered from fibro and severe ptsd,trauma and depression. Im still trying to come to terms with this. How are you today

[@ScarCaskt]

@@manie141 I am so sorry for your loss. I can't find any joy in much anymore. I have been tuning into my creativity when I get the feeling. This seems to help me get through the day.

[@tristanphillipsshadowalker4633]

I am jealous of people that wake up and are well rested and happy.

[@marshagreene6782]

Me too

[@adrianaaldecoa7062]

Me too

[@mirellavidriezca1119]

@@marshagreene6782 me too

[@blueskies7019]

I am at times, but I wish I could be like that most of the time. I hate going back and forth between happy and just existing for others. That latter feeling is even more prevalent since losing my 23 year old son to suicide 64 days (9 weeks) ago. I do have other children and a wonderful spouse... I live for them and a few others. I want to live because I enjoy life again. I'm not sure that will ever happen for me again.

[@jonneiss7562]

you are not alone. Many, many people suffer extremely. And, it is hard watching those who have an easier time. I was profoundly suicidal in 1983 and 1984. Tough times. Glad I survived though. Generally, better not to worry what is in other people's head. Usually, they actually have plenty of problems also. Just not always visible on the surface. take care

[@joannemates6367]

As someone who has battled chronic depression for over 40 years, I have been in that very dark place, several times. Most of my depression stems from severe childhood and generational trauma. From my experience I can tell you that the people that end their lives, just want the pain to stop. In that moment they aren’t thinking about anything else but stopping the pain they are in. At the age of 47, I am not just surviving now, I’m thriving!! I have never been happier. Cheers, from Country Victoria. Australia. ✌️

[@LibsRockU]

J.M. Cool for you. It seems to me that people often make the HUGE mistake of thinking that since I've had heart disease, I know how others with heart disease feel. Or, since I have had a good friend betray me, I know all about betrayal. Or obviously, since I have depression, I know what other depressed people feel like & why or why not. No. NO!!! I reject the notion, mostly. I will happily validate that there are SIMILARITIES. But that's it! The differences aren't just interesting, they are CRITICAL.

[@june5034]

I am so glad to hear that you are doing fine. I am so happy, you made it. Thank you for sharing your story, I wish you the best.

[@blueskies7019]

How were you able to turn it around? I'm 48 and I'd love to know how to fix it... especially since losing my 23 year old son to suicide 9 weeks ago. My depression is far worse than it's ever been right now. I really and truly do NOT care if I live or die. I do things I normally wouldn't feel safe doing, like going out for a walk late at night. You could say I have a death wish, but I'd rather die because someone else killed me... that way my loved ones won't hate me postmortem. None of us hate my son, he was so much like me... huge heart... loved others more than himself. I know for a fact he couldn't have been thinking of us when he pulled that trigger, because he was literally the most selfLESS person I have ever known. But it's different when parents die by suicide... children tend to be quicker to hate than the other way around. But right now... I think my mother would be incredibly angry with me. Last night she texted and said she can't take losing another family member right now. A few days ago one of her friends died by suicide, too. I actually met her at my son's funeral. So yeah... kind of a banner year going on here so far. I thought for sure 2021 had to be better than 2020. But g-d-it if it didn't get immeasurably worse! Right now life feels way overrated to me. I'm ready to see if it's just "lights out" or if I could actually see my son again.

[@lidiaguardado393]

HI

[@mirellavidriezca1119]

I suffer depression is it the worst feeling pain all the time.

[@dld4202]

Let’s pretend: I go to the doctor. I have cancer. Doctor is unconcerned. I ask what I’m to do and he suggests vigorous exercise. “I’m sick!” I protest. He accuses me of being dramatic and attention seeking, tells me to snap out of it. “But cancer kills!” I argue. “Shouldn’t I see a cancer doctor?” He says not much is known about cancer, there’s little funding for research, and resources are few. I can see a specialist but it will take months to get an appt. He offers pills but warns the side effects could be worse than the cancer, tells me he’s sure I can shake this cancer business if I really put my mind to it. Reminds me to exercise.

[@dld4202]

My comment was cut off: Meanwhile, a friend has a quarterly depression and suicide screening. She scores low for suicidal ideation but high for depression. She sees a specialist right away. “This is quite serious,” the specialist says. “But we’ve caught it early and luckily many advances have been made in the field of depression research. Many effective treatments exist. It’s rare these days for people to die from this disease, as long as they are treated.” I die, my friend lives. What if depression and other mental illnesses were taken as seriously as cancer (or other diseases)? What if the same efforts and resources were devoted to curing mental illness?

[@kirstyriver7689]

Yes. Makes me angry.

[@klanderkal]

@dld4202 this is a good analogy. It's not taken seriously... its like it can't be imaginable. We can try expressing, but it's too unbelievable. You would have to experience it , ..... and even if so. Doctors really don't have a cure.. it's like a medicine guess, trail and error. I just can't stand it. It's ruined my existence.

[@soundofscreambloodygore]

I am 16 years old. My father shot himself last night, I can't ever understand from all perspectives. What I do know is he'd want me to move forward. I never hated him for anything, but these questions Rachel brought up have raced my mind and I was so surprised to see how my anxiety and feeling in my chest really decreased while watching this video, as I have not been able to calm down. We were just the perfect duo, we never argued. Which I guess can be a good thing, I am not gonna make his last moments with me as his final image. He was a kind, loving father who took care of me for so long and has gone through so much. Daddy, I am so sorry for what you were going through, I am going to miss you forever.

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

You carry your father in your genetics so he will always be guidance in some way. Profoundly sorry for your loss.

[@michellestewart8049]

I lost my dad to suicide as well as a younger teenager and I only wish that I had your wisdom during my earlier years. Your father would be so proud of you and you should be proud of yourself for handling the situation in the way that you have, much love from Australia.

[@sourxtimes]

I’m so very sorry for your loss ♥️ I don’t know exactly what you’re experiencing, but I can relate to some degree. I lost my father when I was 16 to alcoholism, which was an incredibly dark period of my life, especially at that age (I’m 35 now). Losing a parent so young is something I’ll never fully get over, but I can assure you it gets easier with time. Remembering him with loved ones, watching his favorite movie in his birthday, little things like that were rather cathartic for me. Whatever your process may be, I highly encourage having a good support system to lean on during this difficult time. If you have access to counseling or a support group, I highly recommend it. You’re not alone ♥️

[@AngelusaNobilis]

I'm so sorry sweet child, I'm sending you all my love.

[@soundofscreambloodygore]

@@sourxtimes Thank you for your kind words, my father was also an alcoholic. It was amazing to find out he had no alcohol in his system when he did it.

[@Saybleu]

Excellent speech but she has no idea what it's like to wake up knowing there is another day of misery to live thru. I want to die every single day. I'm praying cancer gets me and takes me down fast.

[@geoffwaller9058]

The instant disappointment of waking up, l hear you.

[@Saybleu]

@@geoffwaller9058 Everyday Geoff. It finally broke him. I often wonder when will be the day I’ll wake up and say, enough. It’s coming. May we both find some ☮️🤞

[@CajunA79]

I've said it before...if I get Cancer...you'll never see me getting treatment for it.

[@Saybleu]

@@CajunA79 No way! It will be a blessing to hear those words although my therapist said she bets I’d freak out. Lol. No way, I’ll know I’ll get some peace🙏

[@mariettaberry1711]

Do you feel any different now?

[@clivemoment2174]

This lady, talks about learning to forgive them. Forgive them for what, trying to find a way out of non stop endless suffering.People always say ask for help, which is what I did and from that point on my life was destroyed totally by the so called caring mental health services which are a complete shambles. People only think of themselves,of how they feel over the loss of a loved one not of the torture that there loved ones may have to endure for decades.If I had the courage, I would end my existance(because it certainly isn’t living)today. It is wrong for people to say, I understand when they have no idea or concept what that person is going through.

[@holayou2241]

She made the suicides in her family ALL ABOUT HER. She is narcissistic and self absorbed. This is the type of person who would definitely drive someone to do that, which she seems to be so upset about

[@lorisutton6200]

@clivemoment. 100%

[@danielgiordani7625]

Absolutely. You have no idea what’s going on inside someone’s brain, therefore you have no right to judge them at all.

[@JayP-kd5rc]

Being angry with a person who ends their life makes no sense to me. It affects you a lot, for sure. But it shouldn't be about you. It's about them, and the pain and suffering they had to be feeling to be able to end their own life. I lost my husband to suicide, and although it has affected me profoundly, I can only feel so sad and remorseful for him. So sorry I didn't understand the pain he was in, and wasn't there for him. I loved him and don't know how to live without him. But the sadness and pain in him is what matters to me. What he was going through is what is important to me. I cannot feel anger toward him..............only sadness and regret. We were married for 30 years, and I miss him dearly.

[@CajunA79]

Great comment. I'm sorry for your loss.

[@ericasams7951]

Jay P, I am truly sorry for your loss and I hope your pain gets better try to remember the 30yrs of love and care you had for him, the wonderful memories you both created together and the love you had for one another! I am now forever going to be greatful that I read your comment this is a very hard thing for me to say especially in a public place but I am and have been in a very very deep dark hole and I can't get out of it I have been battling demons that don't want me to continue with life and its so fuc*ing hard to just hang on for one more second especially no bs I don't have anyone who cares about me no family and I really never have had friends I am only wanted or needed when someone wants something or just use me and I'm told that my severe health issues are too much for anyone to handle and everyone turns they're backs on me! I am sorry for telling you all this 😔 but I wanted to let you know that your comment is touching and meaningful to one who battles Suicide daily

[@persistentlypathetic6820]

@The mysterious Miss X you'll never get it

[@carolinabycarolina8451]

I lost the father of my 3 kids in July 2022 to suicide. John was 30. I am devastated. I have had thoughts of anger for a few seconds but then I tell myself I don’t know what he was feeling. Then I feel sad for being angry and the pain he must have been going through. I know he loved me and his children. I have so many questions but I pray . I wish I could have saved him. I wish I understood more I wish I was there for him more. I wish I could have said I love you more. I wish I could have said I am proud of you more. So many what ifs. I love him deeply and miss him. My children ask so many questions all the time. He left letters for them. They love him and miss him.

[@user-vj3ty9us5h]

It is very painful. My elder brother took his life last month. It's all extremely unbearable. May we find comfort thru each other 😘

[@hunterthesicilianratpack8716]

We all need to listen more when someone is hurting suicide, depression and hopelessness is real

[@abbyfortune921]

I lost my great grandpa, grandpa, uncle & my dad all to suicide. Everything you said resonated so much with me. Thank you so much for this Ted talk!!! I’m so sorry for your loss.

[@Guts_Brando]

Wow

[@ek2740]

I am sorry for your loss, Abby❤.

[@aslmad1]

I’m sorry. Please take care of your mental wellness. You are at risk 😢

[@abbyfortune921]

@@aslmad1 thank you so much for saying that, I really appreciate it! I’m about to get my bachelors in psychology so I’m hopeful that I have the tools & skills that i need to prevent myself from getting to that point. :)

[@nathanchandler7077]

My wife died by suicide in 2008. I was never angry with her. Now I sit fighting bipolar depression and generalized anxiety disorder. I think about suicide every day and have for years. I'm just so tired.

[@ananths7586]

I am so sorry for your loss. Hope you are doing better now.

[@OldSchoolParatrooper]

I'm sorry about your wife. I'm fighting a similar in my head today. I know it doesn't help. But you're not alone. I've made my piece with my decision and when

[@rjvowels]

U ok?

[@StyIex]

The anxiety is so Bad it never goes away

[@immiimagine9824]

I just turned 26 yesterday and I lost my mum to suicide 9 months ago. She took her life exactly 12 months to the day from when I had tried to take my own life- the 26th of December. I am so angry with her for succeeding because if only she had held on a couple of months more than she would have been given a reason to not let go. I’m now 32 weeks pregnant with my second child- another boy. My first was her absolute world and now she doesn’t get the opportunity to even meet her second grandchild. I’ve been trying to forgive her for ending her life but she took my heart with her. Your video is inspiration to not only take in consideration how she must have been feeling but not take it so personally, thank you

[@blethenfamily2658]

I’m so sorry for your loss

[@rainbow3065]

It's really not fair. I was twelve weeks pregnant with my baby girl and had only told both my parents the day before my dad ended his life. That was nine months ago and it's only getting harder to deal with.

[@HuntressCarolina8D]

I lost my mom about 2 weeks ago. The most hurtful thing was her not leaving a note. Not knowing if I was loved or a disappointment. Not knowing if I was part of the ending catalyst.... Having depression and anxiety myself, as well as past suicidal ideation... part of me can understand. But the other part of me will always be in torment without at least some form of goodbye.

[@ilinaschileru248]

I lost my mom 11 days ago. I am constantly replaying her final moments in my head, wondering did she think of us then. Did I contribute to her decision-making, by not following many of her wishes regarding my living arrangements? Cause I didn't. But if I were to do so, I would have been pretty unhappy... don't seek such a response. We cannot fully understand what went through their minds. It is painful enough as it is. I feel you, so sad for your loss, please hang in there.

[@naomii3730]

@@ilinaschileru248 I feel every word you just said. I lost my mother 3 days ago.I am picturing her last moments in my head and it’s really getting to me.

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

God bless you ladies. On behalf of suicidal people I forgive you. Forgive us.

[@nicogalax]

My brother left a ton of notes inside a book, are you sure you checked everything?

[@lynnmueller8320]

I lost my Daughter to suicide 12/23/23. I searched everything in her room and in her trashcan I found a torn letter she wrote to me and one she wrote her sister....I often think she was having second thoughts. I put them together like a puzzle and taped the letters back together, they are beautiful full of love and thankfulness. I also found a note she wrote and left in a random kitchen drawer. I pray this may happens for you 💔💔

[@im_just_vidu]

I'm suffering from severe depression for years now. I've attempted suicide couple times. And not once I ever thought about hurting others or getting sympathy. All I wanted was an end to the pain

[@klanderkal]

@im_just_vidu wow,... its like I read about myself. It hasn't been years though,... im sorry for you.😵 It's been 8 months, I've suffered everyday and night. Severe depression, with it's anxiety, stress and insomnia. Wrecks your whole system. The Trauma and extreme losses I went through was also my fault. So, I beat myself up with hate, regret and guilt. Do you ruminate constantly, negatively spiraling in quicksand of distress?.. I hate it. I would suffer so badly,... I would grab the cord, or hurt myself in attempts. I realize No one can help. Talking might help during the talk... Still, doesn't even bandage the pain. I'm like you...I just want to end the pain, period. I hope you have somehow Healed 🙏❤️.... that would be good to hear.. KaL

[@JasonMoore-ey4tb]

People don't owe you an explanation for anything they do it's not selfish taking your life, it's selfish having everything work out for you and then judging someone who didn't have things work out for them and it's easy to say oh just do what you want when you have a family to fall back on if you fail you have food and comfort guaranteed if you have a steady and constant lifestyle but judging people under the assumption you wdnt do that is beyond narrow-minded be happy their pain is gone not everything is about you

[@horroRomantic444]

I would like to think they finally found the peace they finally wanted. Good night.

[@sigridbohne]

Yes, that's true

[@picopico5836]

About 2 years ago my best friends brother committed suicide, his family was never the same, since that day they have not stopped suffering from that. Every time I think in killing myself I think about what they have been going through every single day, this is the only thing that has prevented me from committing suicide. But I do not know how long I can coupe with this life.

[@Randomhumaan]

Stay strong. You’re not alone in how you feel.

[@marshagreene6782]

Your not alone I feel the same way everyday. I wake up crying that I woke up, when I wake up that’s my nightmare

[@tiredofit1968]

I'm glad you are empathetic enough to think about what they went through. My 18 year old son killed himself last year and I am broken....for good

[@picopico5836]

@@kilonovx-ray9382 i have seen how something like this can destroye a famliy and a pesrons epsecally perants, i just thought to myself what ever i am going through it can not be as painfull as what you and your family (and like so many others in the same situation) are going through.

[@taquitoburritoxl]

You are not alone. We need to carry each other through this.

[@dipherent9727]

My brother killed himself a couple months ago and im just trying to figure out life this video was actually kinda helpful. It helped me understand not only what my brother was going through but also how i feel

[@danielgiordani7625]

@@dipherent9727 sorry for your loss. You should watch the first 20 mins of the biology and psychology of depression by Robert Sapolsky. It’s on KZbin. Eye opening stuff

[@lizabeesley2845]

I truly believe that anyone who has lost a love one to suicide, can appreciate the simple things in life, that are free . The gentle breeze on a hot summer day , laughter of a child, a walk in nature. I am a survivor of suicide.

[@cap10zomb]

I would kill myself but I guess I'm too scared. Sometimes though I feel the older I get the more brave I get.

[@jennybohen8150]

Takes a lot of bravery to talk about something this sensitive!!

[@blueskies7019]

More people need to man-up and start talking about sensitive things. Fewer people would die by suicide if more people starting stepping outside their cozy comfort zone. But that would mean caring for others and in most of the current day world, caring really isn't all that praised much. Sad... really sad... makes those of us that naturally care feel like giving up.

[@jenniferrobbins9120]

Sometimes, despite all of this supposed help available, there just isn't enough left in you.

[@danielhesse5573]

thank you for sharing your story with us. Always important to count your blessings when the going gets tough

[@s.ngannou4519]

Count you’re curses don’t bury your head in the sand

[@slivkask8329]

No offence, but someone who never ever experience such condition is not going to understand that. The same applies to other experiences in life.

[@carlososcarcomedy]

This last year under lock down has been very tough and many people like myself lost work. I lean on God to gut it out and not do anything drastic. I pray for those whom are in deep depression.

[@fergusfitzgerald977]

I worked on a help line and so can understand how people are so traumatized with this topic. You must trust that at the time they made their decision they did not do it for the reasons you might think ! You me the whole world will never know why. If it was sudden unexpected and out of character You must remember the summation of their whole lives was not defined by their end. Remember their whole lives and their goodness to you and other not the end ! You seem to be doing well - remember that is what they would wish for you - honour that wish !

[@user-ey6jl5it7r]

I just lost my son to suicide. He was found on his 38 th birthday. You made me look at things different

[@veeherreraJanecka]

I feel your pain 😢 🕊🙏🏽

[@busterdafydd3096]

1:50 when your "down" you don't even feel pleasure from those "little things".

[@benjamintilodi7010]

Very true

[@JuanHernandez-ry9dr]

Sometimes life is really not worth living. I am killing myself of slow death. Can’t sleep can’t eat. What stops me ? My family, perhaps lack of courage. Waiting for heart attack as price to stop the pain.

[@debibarrington4697]

All those " reasons she named for why not to kill yourself" they loved all those things too and were passionate for them probably more so than those of us that take them for granted..i know

[@RMT192]

Yep, just can't do them anymore. I love when I'm able to do the tiniest of things. Also, when you're unwell every sound and moving thing can become unbearably emotional painful. I'm a survivor for now.

[@blueskies7019]

Very well stated, Debi!

[@scoooter78]

I disagree, from my perspective people that want to kill themselves no longer feel any pleasure from those normal things. When there' nothing good left, why go on?

[@lightningthompson9640]

You’re absolutely right. You desperately cling to these little things to give you hope or encouragement, sometimes that’s all you have when you have feel completely miserable.

[@shyanndestiny2462]

this video helped me cope with the loss of my cousin. thank you

[@user-yl4rh8vn8c]

Not everyone has a life as privileged as you do. Think about that. Not everyone lives for cookies and baby laughs.

[@hewsonxo8219]

Thank you for this video. Lots of tears shed. My step dad committed suicide in 2020 and not a day goes by where I don’t remember the day. I love you Rob and wherever you are, I hope you are free.

[@rajinevin7273]

She is so judgmental about it. That is why she was stuck in her own anger for so long. You simply cannot know what the person who commits suicide is feeling until you have lived in those shoes. Of course you cannot "try to make sense of it". Just love them and wish them well and tell them you are sorry they were in so much pain.

[@ladybuglove61201]

Great answer.

[@vosaemify]

People like you who feel judged about this only shows me how depression has gotten you to NOT understand the people who don't understand suicide. Super sad.

[@CajunA79]

They way I look at it, is we're all going to die someday, some just check out early. Life is not easy for everybody. Those who are smart , and confident in their abilities as adults should feel blessed , because not everyone can function like that. Severe Anxiety is just as hard to live with as depression. People should feel more compassion for those who choose suicide.

[@persistentlypathetic6820]

@@CajunA79 wise words

[@InTheNameOfLife1]

Exactly. She has no sense of empathy. All about her. Nothing about how he may have felt. Only her side

[@michajabonski9670]

Really sad is that for most of people this is something that happen "suddenly", it show that we don't really care about what really happen with people we live with, we see smiling faces but we don't even try to see pain they are hiding just because they don't want us to feel uncomfortable with the truth. Tragedy of people suffering mentally is such a feeling that nobody could ever understand how they feel, this is a rally tragic isolation. We don't need to understand why someone commit suicide, instead we should be more empathetic for those who suffer usually months or even years.

[@itsamess3216]

Nope, you can care a lot, but sometimes these people are masters fooling the loved ones around them and don’t want help for some reason. Often people who commit suicide have a lot of self hatred, thinking the world is better off without them. And lastly, you don’t know how you will react in a extremely stressful situation.

[@robbieanderson227]

I lost my son last summer, he took his own life at 23 years old! His last messages to me were “I love you too dad!” And “you’re my hero” 😢

[@DerekPK]

Then why did he take suicide?

[@robbieanderson227]

@@DerekPK toxic relationship with his gf, and alcohol

[@DerekPK]

There was a guy named Ted Gärdestad in Sweden, he got involved in hinduism and when he came back to Sweden he had turned in to a germophobe and also heard demons in his head. Then I guess the demons in his head told him to jump in front of a train and he did and took suicide. Avicii another Swedish singer also took suicide. In Christianity you are not allowed to take suicide since murder is a since. The body is owned by God not by you so don't kill your body and since we Christians believe in raising people from the dead, you need to have faith and you should be able to raise your son from the dead again only if it's God's will. So go to the grave where your son are and ask God with faith that he raises your son from the dead in the name of Jesus Christ. Either God gives you a no or a yes, it's worth a try also read the KJV bible.

[@DerekPK]

@@robbieanderson227 When did he die, are you gonna consider raise him from the dead in the name of Jesus Christ? Bible talks about raising Lazarus from the dead.

[@robbieanderson227]

@@DerekPK what?

[@daniellelevine9638]

I think what you had to say towards the end is so helpful to me I found my brother today dead from a single gun shot wound to his head he went to a seedy quiet dark motel room and did it after ignoring my texts and calls for three days prior looking for him and all I can conclude is that he was in so much pain and so chemically imbalanced there was nothing I could do to help him

[@justmadeit2]

The fear and self loathing and agitation and horror of a mind that turns against you with a bad depression, is truly horrific to experience. It’s not just feeling a bit low in mood. Add in insomnia too and you feel you can’t get back up. You feel you are constantly in survival mode and it exhaust you.

[@klanderkal]

Wow.. Very well said. T.Y. It is exactly what I'm going through right now... you describe me in every way, and I agree with you! Self loathing, horror of the mind turning against you. Severe depression IS a horrific experience, and with insomnia 😢 I'm unable to do anything anymore. Can I ask. What happened that caused this?

[@justmadeit2]

@@klanderkal For me many reasons. I’m 49 and been struggling for some time. Long term Unemployment,been single 10 years, a dysfunctional childhood, obsessive compulsive disorder, and more. So yeah, if a person has enough anxiety it will then tip over in to depression

[@klanderkal]

@justmadeit2 ✨️Thank you for sharing. I believe also you right. I have had a domino effect of traumas, tragedy and unbearable losses, .. also the terrible consequences from decisions and mistakes I made. My life was so destroyed. Depression is so unbearable, the insomnia and anxiety. I don't live anymore. All that I was, and things that meant everything to me are gone. I'm mentally paralyzed, I suffer in the apt, unable to accept all that happened.

[@mirzo7]

He probably didn't feel as loved and deeply cared for as you thought

[@4estdweller4ever]

We have finally come to a place where suicide is no longer only angrily described as a cowardly, selfishly, cruel act, even vindictive, manipulative, supremely unloving to loved ones. The religious doctrines that teach those who “commit” suicide don’t merit a resurrection or they are lost in limbo until someone pays enough money for enough candles or they burn in hellfire are often the basis for such ideas. Now we understand how a brain can loop a person into self destructive thoughts, or that stigma toward mental illness can frighten a sufferer into hiding. Imagine if you were in a fiery car crash, what would you be thinking? Oh, I need to get out for the sake of my kids, my mother, my friend, my eternal life? No, you would be thinking, “GET OUT!” People who are caught in a convergence zone of illness, pain, betrayal, shame, grief, whatever the elements are, are at a brick wall. They CAN’T think of you. They are in pain beyond what you can understand. There is no logic, no reasoning in that place. They have run out of resources or their ability to believe in them anymore. So, yes, forgive them. Have compassion for their pain. And forgive yourself for being angry. It’s normal. It hurts. Most of all, don’t overlook others or look the other way. Remember in every face you see, even the smiling ones, lies the possibility of a mask hiding agony that needs someone to say I care.

[@Lucinda68]

Well said!!

[@suzannephillips6236]

What church makes people pay for candles to get people out of limbo, or teaches no resurrection for suicide, idk

[@CoronaryArteryDisease.]

Well said

[@johndoyle1810]

You’re a genius,I’m happier now living life in a nursing home crippled physically than i was when i self harmed with all my limbs intact,

[@johndoyle1810]

Pressure from bullying was the situation that created my distress that led me to cut at my wrists these people have destroyed me every way and prevented me from justice because i was in the workplace,i am terrified of these people and this is the only way I can explain it.thank goodness for you guys,i am now twenty five years on crippled physically mentally and emotionally with multiple sclerosis,which i believe is directly linked to vicious bullying

[@angietyndall7337]

@@johndoyle1810 I'm sorry you were bullied. MS btw is an autoimmune disease in which the Immune System attacks the cells of the body,specifically the Myeline Sheath covering the Neurons. This fatty cpvering helps in the conduction of Nerve Impulses.

[@johndoyle1810]

@@angietyndall7337 i know a lot about the condition but i believe it’s directly linked to bullying especially the consistent mental despair i truthfully suffered over a period of two years truly awful it was but god is good thank you so much for your concern,,,but I’m fine otherwise

[@larryshao1359]

Wow, beautifully said

[@JBieberLove1994]

My friend just committed suicide, we’re on our last year of Med school. Didn’t see this coming , we students from my class are all shattered!

[@stevet744]

Thank you for your talk it helps. I just lost someone to suicide who was a huge part of my life.

[@vosaemify]

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm one year in for my brother. Time does heal. Trust me. I'm nowhere near closure or satisfaction with all the questions in my brain. I had to learn to let go

[@behonestwithyourself3718]

It's weird listening to this talk. I couldn't imagine not understanding suicide. Being mad at someone who did it just doesn't make sense. I guess the only way to understand depression is to live it.

[@danielgiordani7625]

Exactly, unless you’ve suffered from depression you’ll never be able to even comprehend how much pain and suffering that person was in. No one has a right to judge someone else for ending their life.

[@xMCgirl26x]

Thank you, Rachel Brennan.

[@rickiefeatherstone]

I've been simply existing and can say that despite my ideations, for peace, I remain for my son. Of course, it's never so simple as to what pushes one over the final edge, but the times I have that I'm thankful to be alive, so far are what gets me thru the dark when it comes. I can assume all that one holds dear to their hearts, are what their final thoughts consist of.

[@InTheNameOfLife1]

Girl this talk was not it. Please don’t go into psychology or become a therapist bc as a suicidal person, this talk was horrifying

[@robertikemire4445]

and the won't let people talk on suicide hot lines unless you have 2 years of psychology I am Empath all my life 57 now and the people I've listened to give opinions to it can give life some folks learn from books or studies from paper I learn mine from experience talking to people from all walls of life actually be a friend but this type does good for some pushing others away that's why people like me offer an ear if needed e mail if you ever need

[@shymecha]

Fr it was so self centered, and you can tell she doesn't understand the realities of living with depression/ and or suicidal ideation

[@klanderkal]

​@shymecha I just saw this video,... I agree with you exactly.

[@danielgiordani7625]

Exactly. Making someone else’s suicide all about her

[@ogmaharpocrates2742]

That's why I'm waiting for my parents to die first, so, the longer possible, I hope for them. But as soon as they are, I'm out too!

[@4estdweller4ever]

I understand your desperation. I feel this way at times myself. But do not give up. I have come to realize I can’t depend on other people for help. Hoping for that is risky because they can fail you. Decide what things in life make you feel good in your heart. Animals? Nature? Music? A warm bath? Start there. Every free moment try to turn your thoughts and activities to these things. Try to banish painful thoughts even for a week. Give yourself a little breathing space. There are people who love you and would not want to be without you. I hope you will feel better.

[@vulpecula182]

Don't give up! There is always a hidden solution. It will show up

[@debibarrington4697]

@@vulpecula182 hes not giving up hes waiting

[@CajunA79]

Same here!

[@sgtleska]

Thank You for this talk. I consider myself quite rational, inquisitive and well informed in a lot of ways. This talk showed me that I truly lacked perspective in regards to my own human condition. I am inspired to seek help with my own instability for the first time, and I realise I need to. Specifically this story, may save me. I thank you again.

[@lorisutton6200]

Ppl r suffering, there is absolutely no reason a person sh be forced to be alive only to suffer, n this is me

[@rachelkohler2019]

Thank you for this. This has helped me understand my feelings about my friend's suicide

[@DonnaOpulento]

I could not stand to listen to the end. This woman left me feeling that she is a selfish person.

[@SuperVladdrakula]

"This woman left me feeling that she is a selfish person." Oh, you think? _She's_ the one who should be "forgiven", not the other way around...

[@Maravedi44]

All this academic talk about suicide is largely off key. Forget the neurotransmitters... Sometimes life just crashes on you. The floor falls out from beneath your feet.. You get hit so hard in the gut you can't catch your breath...

[@SHurd-rc2go]

What a terrific speaker on this sad subject.

[@acwesty]

@@Colby00 Have you ever experienced losing someone to suicide before? Anger is a normal part of the grieving process. That feeling that they chose to kill themselves and were okay leaving us to deal with the pain of their loss for the rest of our lives is quite a powerful feeling that is difficult to process and let go of.

[@shirleycolee1]

It can be contagious. We don't have to let that happen, at least.

[@cristianm7097]

I'm still not convinced I should live.

[@martibosier6272]

What would convince you?

[@geoffwaller9058]

My opinion, life isn't worth the struggle and pain that is always seemingly out of our control. Life here feels like a punishment l just wish l knew what l did so that l never have to come back.

[@cristianm7097]

@@geoffwaller9058 Keep on truckin'

[@harrywynn3727]

very well said.

[@psyborg01]

My ex decided to end her life yesterday morning.. I found out when my current girlfriend saw a post on Facebook that she questioned and was told by my best friend who were still good friends with her (which I had no issue with) that she ended her life in the early morning while her husband was sleeping.....our paths ended a very long time ago and it was for the better for both of us as we would never be able to move on from one another while still have each other in our lives. I was very happy that she found her way in life and in love and let bygones be bygones...... thing is.. she was a psychologist and it was her job to help people who suffered from depression and trauma and all kinds of mental issues.... she had all the info, all the avenues to seek help and yet she decided she had enough of this life.... i am mad at her for choosing the easy way out but I understand that we will never truly know what went on in her head at the time as she was in a good place financially and from what I've heard her husband is a great guy.. mad and numb at the same time, and yes questions will never be answered.

[@basicmary3626]

This is the worst Ted talk on suicide I have ever seen. She made everything about her

[@rsaug]

I totally agree! Nothing abt those who passed, no empathy, nothing.

[@nerdothn892]

It's about the experience of losing someone to suicide

[@danielgiordani7625]

This is what’s so frustrating about suicide. People trying to make someone else’s suicide about them and not even considering how much pain or suffering they were in

[@javinbeatty664]

thank you so much! My father killed himself and just hearing someone else talk about this it helped a lot

[@nishatsemonty2476]

I don't know much. I am just tired. I am just scared of waking up from sleep. I just need more sleep. I just want be removed.

[@mamashanshan2772]

This really helped. I just lost my beautiful niece, bless forever, she absolutely brought a lot of life & love into our family and our world... I shared this on FB asking family and friends to please hear this.

[@Paul-ex9vx]

I'm really sorry for your loss, I hope you and your family will eventually get better. Lots of love

[@TheJacob5676]

This whole idea that if you go get help you'll feel better is a lie

[@user-wb2yv7ll9d]

Maybe he was no longer able to enjoy the "little" things you mentioned. Sometimes there is brain damage and severe depression so it's no longer pleasurable to take a warm shower and you are not able to have a good night's sleep or enjoy dipping your toast in eggs.

[@klanderkal]

I thought this as well... Depression just robbs you of simple pleasures, .. and doesn't allow you to do anything. The inability to experience pleasure is horrible.

[@glasstumble1677]

Soul talks about this. The small things in life.

[@mannurse7421]

Thanks for sharing your experience.

[@johndoyle1810]

I was suicidal and self harmed,i did not want to go on.your insight is great,but i felt at the time it was my option

[@johndoyle1810]

@Tibi Soli thank you so much for your message best wishes to you

[@rebelliouzonce5647]

@@johndoyle1810 i hope your feeling alright John.

[@johndoyle1810]

@@rebelliouzonce5647 thank you so much for your wishes unfortunately i have developed multiple sclerosis because i believe that my brain damaged through being bullied,alas it’s something i can’t prove.But I’m very annoyed with myself for not being able to expose the people that bulliedme.But anyway i just ask for a prayer

[@dankamke8605]

While the physical portion may be correct in most cases I think there is also the lack of hope being a major factor.

[@sonicfoxxmusic4281]

"WHY? by Jasmine Lamport" was written about the utter devastation which was left in the wake of the loss of the lyricist's niece to a suicide. Allowing for repetition, there are only 19 actual words in the song but Jasmine pulled of something both beautiful and special...we hope you will agree. Best wishes go out to Rachel Brennan from the writers of WHY?. Rachel's words here touched the lyricist greatly. We hope somebody can find Rachel and play WHY? to her. The lyricist says "Rachel, of all folk, will connect to this song. It's original working title was "KIM"...Kim's place in the world is given a credit on the online version of the song.

[@staffsargemobuto]

This girl understands nothing. You can't fathom the darkness unless you've been inside of it.

[@baazinews1027]

True. I was like her once. But now i'm where her uncle is. Never imagined ..

[@sarahsandoval7412]

Thank you 😊

[@benjamintilodi7010]

These people just get tired of everything, it’s exhausting.

[@alexcalibasi7028]

Beautiful

[@depressed_dann_]

"people who wanted to live but couldn't" well that isn't my problem, now is it?

[@Greatideas100]

Wow, this hit hard. And it is so true. Just lost an ex-gf to suicide. Tragic. Sad.

[@btherron5]

I love and think of each of you

[@cain6981]

This video should be titled "Understanding and forgiving suicide from the point of view of someone with an amazing life and no frame of reference for real sadness to that point".. although i guess it doesnt roll off the tongue.. there are plenty that could relate to her story, and a lot more who cannot

[@klanderkal]

Yes,... I agree with you.

[@busterdafydd3096]

1:43... Pleasure is greatest when shared with people... That is where happyness will begin.

[@barbarastroud4102]

Ask somebody struggling very seriously with suicide right now. I can say that this video at least half way through is disappointing. I've heard I so many I've heard so many positive things being said about loved ones and all. I can wonder is how many times those positive things were said to the loved ones. It's really easy to remember the great things about someone after they are dead.

[@lochan8180]

2021 was the hardest, darkest time of my life. I was physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually BROKEN. But now I feel genuinely GRATEFUL and BLESSED that I had to go through that phase because GOD has graciously REVEALED Himself to me in miraculous ways. I am fortunate that He allowed me to know Him at a very young age, but this year is SPECIAL because of what WE (yes, GOD and me) have been through last year. He showed me how POWERFUL prayers truly are when I started to focus on WHO HE IS rather than who I am, on WHAT HE CAN DO rather than what I deserve. The experience was MAGICAL. He showed up BIG TIME and assured me that HE is indeed a LISTENING and RESPONDING GOD. Oh how my faith has skyrocketed as a result! Now more than ever, I have very bright HOPE for my future because I personally experienced how RELIABLE God is. And for that I will forever be grateful. GLORY BE TO GOD, MY EVER FAITHFUL FATHER. ♥️♥️♥️ To everyone who's struggling right now, please know that GOD LOVES YOU. He wants to help you and give you peace. Please surrender your burdens to Him and allow Him to move in your life. "Because he loves Me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges My Name. He will call on Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him." (Psalm 91:14-15) Please hold on to this bible verse because WHATEVER GOD SAYS, HE FULFILLS. ✝️

[@itsamess3216]

Yep and thanks to God I’m a widower now, with four kids.

[@nadulamb4141]

Love this! Thank you !! You’re words are so encouraging Praise God I want to be sure of His faithfulness

[@beganitdidnt6535]

they probably had hard lives something you might not of knew of or maybe you cant grasp the concept of what a hard life is they ended their pain but of course youre most affected right? idk how someone can be mad at someone for ending their life not everyone has a good life

[@laurasilvera3766]

Suicide is about the people who do it. My sister attempted suicide just yesterday. My parents found her on time to take her to the doctor. She is recovering. How to live with that? I need help

[@mariettaberry1711]

How is your sister doing now? How are you REALLY doing?

[@attackndrelease]

Anyone reading this - it is RARELY your fault that someone kills themselves. If I ever do, it's no one's fault but mine. I wish I could convince the few on this earth that do care about me to forget me. I'm 17, and have felt this way since I was 11. Not everyday, but I have "triggers" that make me want to.

[@JamesSmith-ix5jd]

In my country if so called doctors conclude that you are indeed suicidal they lock you up in a mental facility with terrible conditions, so that you can't do it to yourself or to others. Not even relatives can take you from there until so called doctors approve it. So seeking help is not an option, plus, even if by some miracle they say your condition is not critical, you will still have mental condition stuck to your name forever, which means hard to find a job and things like that. No wonder people are not talking about their issues before doing it, the society hates suicide, and this video proves it.

[@illest2001]

“They’ll never be answers if they were thinking about you” unless you happen to be part of their suicide note

[@terrysanghera1680]

rachel you are beautiful. god bless you for talking about suicide.

[@indridcold4982]

Well, this talk was definitely given by a 19 year old. That's about all I can say about it.

[@wyattwatson9848]

This was a good talk, but I don’t think she gets it. Waking up isn’t as easy as thinking about coffee

[@vantablackmamba9232]

Alot of the time pain washes out all those little things

[@UnderTakerSilverMaker]

Womp womp. Never heard someone say "I, myself, me. me me me." so many times while talking about two people's suicides. god damn. She doesn't have a clue.

[@omayma4453]

I think lots of people watching this video are suicidal people, and they get frustraded to the fact that we suicide loss survivors get angry sometimes with the person that left us behind. I think this is not the right video to comment your frustrations on and saying it is selfish to be angry or that we are making it about ourselves and not about them. Remember the pain for them is over, it's us who are still here struggling to live a long life without our person who chose not to be here with us anymore. You will never know what it feels like until it happens to you, I hope you never know.

[@klanderkal]

Very well said. T.Y. ❤

[@CoronaryArteryDisease.]

The neurotransmitter debate is problematic. A lot of people don’t appreciate people ignoring their challenges in life and assuming since their problems aren’t THAT bad, it has to be the chemicals. Our perception of the world is unique on an individual basis. Each life is unique. Also, there very well could be things you don’t know, regardless of how much you think the other person trusts you. People tend to hide information about emotionally difficult things.

[@joshfreman]

The mere fact that you came from a loving family disqualifies you from making any sort of judgment or having any idea what it's like to come from a sick and twisted family... If you would like to educate yourself to a degree that you may be qualified to comment intelligently on the subject of suicide please look up Gabor Mate on KZbin and listen to him very carefully over and over for a couple of months and then you may be able to make a constructive commentary on the subject... May God bless us all 🙏

[@saschafast4429]

I lost a friend today. I'm trying to forgive.

[@pepeeldelaspipas124]

Look... A loss is a loss and for that I feel sorry for you but... I cannot understand why you think that you need to forgive them. As someone who has attempted suicide maybe I'm biased but , i see what she is saying is that she thinks that her uncle and cousins committing suicide was to hurt her, to make her feel bad , to angry her, etc bc that's why you forgive people , bc they did something bad to you, something that was intended to hurt you. What I get is that she was just so self absorbed that she took the choice of a loved one as something personal, and that it's not okay. I don't understand why she is saying that you should forgive someone who committed suicide as if they did something completely inappropriate (I'm not saying committing suicide is the right choice to make I'm just saying that there's a reason behind that choice) and without thinking bout it with the intention to hurt you. I just don't understand that she is preaching that message bc what I get she is saying is that you shouldn't commit suicide (you shouldn't ok?) and that if you do it is for the sole purpose of hurting your loved ones, and i know that she says that then she tries to understand why they did it but the message she's trying to give is the one I said (and if it isn't then srry but that what it seems)

[@johnangel4527]

Hmm, I think you may have missed the point, my friend. Have you ever lost a loved one to suicide? It is a complicated and painful grieving process full of resentment and even hatred at times. Not because you think your loved one killed themselves because of you, but because your loved one purposefully separated themselves from you. You don’t want to feel resentment after the fact, because part of you knows they are at peace now, but nonetheless finding forgiveness that they left you can be very grounding and healthy. No where in the talk did I hear this young woman mention thinking they killed themselves to hurt her. She experienced a very painful trauma, and calling her self absorbed seems slightly inappropriate given the context of this talk. I am sorry to hear about your own attempted suicide, I would not wish that kind of pain on my worse enemy. I hope you are in a better place now.

[@pepeeldelaspipas124]

@@johnangel4527 i get your point and understand what you said. I'm not denying that her loss is something bad at all and I do recognize that calling her self absorbed might have been a bit much. However I think that the choice of words, "forgiveness", "forgive what they've done" is rather inappropriate due to the connotation of the words and assumptions it has to it. I understand that she was in deep pain due to it and I can more or less understand why she thought she had to forgive them. I didn't mean my comment as something hurtful towards her or anyone and I might have snapped a bit and for that I apologise.

[@pepeeldelaspipas124]

@@Livingmybestlife678 I'm really sorry you had to go through that, really. But as I explained in another comment , i don't think that the choice of words like "forgiving" was too good, due to the meaning it carries. I'm deeply sorry if my comment affected you in any way and I'm deeply sorry for your loss.

[@johnangel4527]

@@pepeeldelaspipas124 I've read that psychologists typically define forgiveness as "a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment" She felt resentment, and she made the conscious decision to release that feeling because she believed that is what was best for her. It does not mean that someone has to do something objectively "wrong" for you to personally choose to forgive them, what is and isn't worthy of forgiving is entirely subjective.

[@pepeeldelaspipas124]

@@johnangel4527 i get where you are coming from , but i did not mean anything malicious w my comment but the message that some people, who don't know how exactly psychogists define the word, receive is the one I stated. I just think that it could have been worded differently, I'm not saying her feelings are wrong or invalid, but rather the choice of words was inappropriate as not everyone watching this is a psychologist or knows their definition, or if at least she could have explained in depth the feeling that she meant instead of reducing it to simply forgiveness

[@danmeek928]

My cousin took his life ,then a few years later my sister took hers. I'm not sure it's something that you ever get over, and forgiving is a hard thing to do, but you have to for everyone's good

[@vosaemify]

By brother killed himself last September. Why is forgiveness so hard for me. Seeing my parents cry like that, the sight of him on the tree, I will never forget and I feel like I am so scarred from this. I know I sound selfish. I tried helping him so much. My parents didn't deserve this. The embarrassment and shame because the entire neighborhood knows and saw. I can't keep a job anymore. I've lost interest in my passions. I hope I make it through. I know I sound selfish.

[@danielgiordani7625]

@@vosaemify sorry for both your losses, but until you’ve suffered from severe depression you’ll never be able to comprehend how much pain and suffering your loved ones were in. Depression is a monster and a killer and at some point it gets too unbearable. Promise you they didn’t do it to hurt you. They were in pain and suffering beyond comprehension

[@VladyslavKL]

🦋

[@groovymetal5679]

John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. This quote is easy to use against yourself when you already feel like you’re hurting your loved ones

[@pisces1017]

The questions without answers. My dear friend will be burying their son Saturday. I can't imagine what they are going through beyond what they are sharing with me. I am listening to this to be a better friend and help as best I can if there's anything I can possibly do to help.