TELLING YOUR FRIEND YOU HATE THEIR PARTNER

[@jerkeydog13]

Moral of the story Allison is always right

[@ireallyreallyhategoogle]

Except when it comes to Dan apparently.

[@MsSonnencreme]

@@ireallyreallyhategoogle no she knew! She just didn’t behave accordingly

[@lovethatlovelything]

As a couple and family therapist I would like to endorse so many things Allison says

[@NotAnotherKuromi]

As a completly unqualified random person, I also endorse the majority of what Allison says.

[@mossy_oak]

Allison's character growth is stunning

[@ramisabashar7217]

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[@Bojac]

Spoilers, this episode is not nearly as much about fingering as the opening would lead you to believe.

[@TiliaHaggstrom]

This episode is about Allison being super confident and changing peoples minds and by the end of the episode Gaby has changed her mind.

[@caltheantirobot]

Is my wife gay or just extremely friendly? Who could know?

[@ireallyreallyhategoogle]

She might be bi or pan.

[@caltheantirobot]

@@ireallyreallyhategoogle who knows! I've been waiting years for it to come up in casual conversation who she is attracted to, but it just never has. I hope she likes girls, I have a pretty big crush on her.

[@ireallyreallyhategoogle]

@@caltheantirobot Have you ever thought about telling her you are a girl?

[@Natalie-101]

@@caltheantirobot did you ever find out? I hope it worked out!

[@ayyfayy]

if you guys ever stop uploading i’ll lose my mind

[@brunoaraujo7016]

same here thanks sophie for articulating a mood, a very important one

[@sexyscientist]

Have you lost your mind before?

[@micaelab3041]

I've never felt more identified with Allison in the entire JBU history haha (still agree with a lot Gaby's saying)

[@beba5306]

I love the way Allison wrinkle her nose when she laughs.. 💕

[@sophisticatedchaosgb]

Beba Basha it’s called a scronch 🥰

[@flossssssy]

Allison is my fav bc she names names.

[@BbyPigeon]

I love that the comments are full of love for Allison

[@ramisabashar7217]

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[@elletanner3146]

Gaby, that statement about never knowing if a girl is gay and/or into you is SO TRUE and it hurts. I can tell when a guy is interested usually (hiiii fellow bi here) but no matter what I get so lost with girls 😅 And I have been out as bi for ages and I will have girl friends be like “wait you like girls too?!?! I never woulda guessed!!!” I most likely had a crush on them too when I first met them so I have no idea how they missed that but okie. It’s rough out there 😂 Love JBU and always willll! And i missed Igor hahaha

[@evoltaocao5078]

welcome to the life of men, player b.

[@elletanner3146]

Gzz Ra hahaha thx! 😂

[@ireallyreallyhategoogle]

I'm 43 and there's only 1 girl i knew was interested in me and that's because she asked me directly. Women need to learn to say it, not give hints.

[@recoil53]

@@ireallyreallyhategoogle One time I had a woman get angry with me because she thought I was rejecting her - I had no idea she was even interested! And I'm not on the autism spectrum here. It's a terrible zone where you don't want to be one of those guys who believe that any non-negative interaction with a woman is an invite to ask them out and being too passive to act on mutual interest. Really I just need clear messaging so I know how to act.

[@ireallyreallyhategoogle]

@@recoil53 You don't need to be on the autism spectrum to not be a mind reader. I already have a hard time in general noticing body language, so when it's not said, i consider it non-existent. I'm in the say what you mean and mean what you say category and it leads to so much misunderstanding when people assume i don't mean what i say or expect me to think they don't mean what they say.

[@barpoe1]

Allison, can you please answer these international questions? I’m genuinely not from the US. 1. Can you be friends with anyone? Where do you draw the line? 2. What’s the difference between being friends and being friendly with someone? I don’t think I have friends, but at the same time I’m friends with everyone. I care about everyone’s wellbeing. It comes with living in the moment for me.

[@elizabethc.7433]

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[@sexyscientist]

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[@User-d9u3x]

Please start a podcast with Igor! I love listening to the conversations you 3 have!

[@matthewramirez4554]

Allison's confidence is getting me through 2019 lol.

[@Niceandshiny]

I love how the whole atmosphere feels. It feels comforting and open where as the other spot makes me feel closed and kinda awkward.

[@mlsbhay]

The way gaby said “come on” just made me so nostalgic for some reason. Bring that catch phrase back!

[@BbyPigeon]

Igor welcome back from probation

[@MyDear079]

Allison looks so gorgeous in this video. She just seems so happy nowadays💕

[@isa0ber]

i'm definitely with allison on this one. i have never lost a friendship over telling someone they gotta breakup with their partner and honestly? i'm willing to take that risk. if the relationship is destined to fail they'll realize in time that i was right so i don't worry about it. i do my best to avoid giving advice in general, i like questioning my friends so they take new things into consideration and arrive at their own conclusions but women who don't love themselves often look at a clear cut power point presentation of why their boyfriends are lying trash and still choose to be with them and that's when i interfere.

[@thenamesadam3852]

I feel like Igor is always the mediator and it's great.

[@sudiksha402]

I just saw your video pop up on my home screen and I wanna let you guys know that I love watching you guys talk, and so many times I just figured stuff about myself out while I watch your videos! You've really inspired me to work on my self and keep growing I hope you guys keep enjoying this process and format cause I love these videos!!!

[@melissalenz3669]

I thank God for the friends that told me to break up with my ex-boyfriend. I unfortunately didn't listen to them for over 4 years, but they were right, and I now appreciate that they were only trying to help me.

[@kellycrawley4861]

I CLICKED ON THIS FULL VOLUME IN FRONT OF MY MOM!!!!

[@sexyscientist]

RIP.

[@CAPITALLINDA]

You guys make me so happy

[@VictoriaMorganawesometori]

Someone I care for deeply. Is now engaged to someone wholly AWFUL (have blatantly cheated on them in front of them and friends awful). Friends have straight up told him not to. And he's going in guns ablazing. He's already had everybody tell him not to. I have just distanced myself from him because I can't be a part of that and honestly can't support their relationship.

[@amarahc4351]

Victoria Morgan you have to choose weather you want to care for people who enjoy self-sabotage, it’s like loving an addict, you have to draw the line at one point or another or your just letting yourself be dragged down

[@VictoriaMorganawesometori]

@@amarahc4351 That addict analogy is spot on. Thank you for your kind words.

[@mfjrecampo9083]

I wish i've done this sooner! Wouldve realized she was an awful friend all along and wouldve saved me the stress and the chocolates from taking care of her every single time they break up. Ew

[@VictoriaMorganawesometori]

@@mfjrecampo9083 Glad you're prioritizing your mental health now.

[@ruledbyvenusss]

i can’t tell y’all how EXCITED i get when i see jbu post a new video

[@S3thc0n]

I support Allison's radical honesty! Things are better when we communicate what we think. We could all take a slice from that.

[@remisica]

I've been watching forever and the excerpt from around 6:00 is exactly why I'm confused if this is a very codependent or very healthy and helpful relationship. "I need someone to keep me from him." "okay what does it look like for you?" "is it a factory counter on the wall?" I don't even need a real answer, I just understood from that that this show affects how I interact with people in my life cos I was like, oh yeah, that's a good listener's follow up question, noted for future use.

[@ramisabashar7217]

Right! I'm definitely filing that follow-up question in my mind for the future, it's so succinct

[@Bastonikov]

We stan a queen who is always right

[@heykelly]

I am 100% with Allison on this. I would be so mad if the people I love didn't tell me the person I'm with is popping up red flags that I'm not seeing.

[@truthfinderjohn]

I had to re-watch that first five seconds about three times and even when they put subtitles I still didn't believe that that Igor asked that question.

[@nunyabusiness5985]

I always look forward to you guys!

[@princessnugget2919]

I learned that unless someone is ready to hear that someone isn't good for them, they're not going to listen to my advice. When they come to me and ask me how I feel about their partner, I then can tell them how I perceived their partners behavior. Before that point, I try to give advice on how to work through those issues. People aren't perfect, so it's good to give them opportunities to grow. Also, Alison should be cautious about ”over dating” too many people. It can lower your self-esteem and possibly convince you, you don't deserve to be happy.

[@ReadyMadeBouquet]

hard YES on the 'do you ever not tell a friend...' but especially with one close friend we try to push passed that and preface with 'I don't want to tell you this because I don't want you to think badly of them...' because it's way better that we're informed on what's going on with each other! And also chatting with other people helps give a sense of what is just annoying (men aren't trained to do housework in US culture) and what is more serious...

[@mconnaghan]

All of Alison's relationships were part of a long con to get her friends to periodically buy her dinner.

[@SpriteoftheDnieper]

YES. Support your friends! Especially those of us who grew up with poor or unhealthy examples of "love". Granted, that doesn't mean you should keep harping on them or continue to bring up your opinion or fail to accept their decisions after you've voiced yours: you want your friend to know they have your support no matter what, even if they aren't yet ready to accept your advice. But supporting a friend by making sure they know that you don't support them being abused or otherwise treated poorly by a partner is crucial. And sharing your opinion doesn't necessarily mean "judging" that friend if they aren't willing to take it, nor does it mean you have to focus on their 'partner' rather than their partner's actions.

[@aaronboothproduction]

I always find these to be quite insightful. On an opposite note, If I may say something trivial - I am jealous of Igor's hair. His hair game is EXTRA

[@kvglenn1]

God, Allison’s growth as a person over the years has been incredibly inspirational and stunning to watch. I look up to her in so many ways and really FEEL some of the things she says and just ugh. Bless Allison. 💙🤗💗

[@Katspearl]

Its really hard. I'm like Allison in that I'm really honest with my friends, but I'm not gonna make you do anything. If I've gotten my point across and you don't agree then I'll stop talking about it. I've seen a lot of advice channels saying that you need to just let people live their lives and make their own mistakes, and I agree, but you shouldn't not say anything if you really believe it's that serious. I'm not going to keep saying it but I can have my opinion.

[@amarahc4351]

Katspearl yah, dismissing toxic behaviours is really the same as encouraging it

[@amarahc4351]

it’s kinda like, you gotta choose if you wanna be a substantial friend or not, like if your friendship is valuable to them

[@xenongames7533]

5:36 I hear you sis

[@brettcarruthers8838]

I've done that with friends who are dating trolls. They don't appreciate it. I'm just the perpetual insane Allison looking for my Gaby.

[@wildhearses]

I think it's really helpful to tell your friends if you see red flags in their partners- often they see them too and are just in denial, and I think it helps if they finally decide the relationship is not worth it to know "they're not crazy/it's not just them" ... you should also support your friend if they stay in that relationship, havent we all stayed in shit we know we shouldn't have.

[@pouredoutmywindow]

Rewatching this, alison looks so good here I love her outfit hair she looks so pretty

[@antonioacuna8575]

I have never commented before, and I've been watching since the buzzfeed days. I'm a random guy from Texas,and watch every episode. I feel like I've gone through a chunk of my late twenties with you two. Thanks for the content. I hope for the best for you! Btw, Allison is awesome and all, but I'm a Gabie to the core hahahaha

[@sigridsimmen]

Regarding telling your friends about bad things you partner does or says, I try to avoid that. My partner and I have been with each other for nearly 3 years, and all of my friends and family have a very high opinion of him(as he deserves because he is amazing). However, there are of course bumps along the way. Sometimes it gets ugly, but we work through it, forgive, learn from it, and we're ultimately stronger from it. All of our fights have been very private. I avoid telling my friends about them, because where I have the opportunity to talk it out with him and forgive him, my friends won't. After the fact these issues might be completely forgotten, and I don't want my friends to remember them and their opinion of my partner to be based on that one time 2 years ago he said something disrespectful to me, when we've long since moved on from it.

[@emmap.9064]

"In my own life yeah I'm a goddamn psychopath" I've never related to something more

[@sameritaco]

At this point I almost only watch when it's the three of them. Allison has grown alot in part due to Gabby's influence and Igor just helps keep things fresh.

[@celiamcclure6884]

obviously allison always looks great but she seems so happy and so wholly beautiful in this vid! love you guys!

[@victoriarosewait6300]

2:00 I got so distracted by how long Allison’s eyelashes are. Damn.

[@StelenaVD]

This video could not have come at a better time thank you! Never thought of the partner having to win me over

[@geneventide5314]

Fascinating. I would definitely like to be more vocal about my loved ones relationships because well I haven’t in the past when maybe I should have.

[@retrogirl2498]

I had to tell my friend that I didn’t think it’d be a good idea to move in with her bf and she respected me opinion bc she saw where I was coming from. I think it’s all about the delivery and the friend’s willingness to listen, they don’t have to agree with you but if you think they’d be mad then I wouldn’t tell them and just let them live their life

[@userjoao]

on another note, should you tell your PARENTS to break up because they're clearly toxic to each other??? asking for a friend.

[@latronqui]

I think so. Especially since a lot of the times one of the reasons they stay together is for their kids' sake.

[@MariposaRedimida]

WOW that's a whole other episode... I would recommend therapy for you, maybe family therapy. Definitely bring up how you feel with them.

[@Alpha9n7]

@@latronqui Yeah you could definitely say something like "Its ok with me if you guys want to get divorced" although I think like 75% of kids dont experience divorce well so it's a tough call

[@Mariam-lp2yd]

Allison Wrathkin

[@mykittiespuppy1972]

I wish I had at least one friend like Allison when it comes to evaluating romantic partners.

[@BooksandCaffeine]

Breaking in at 3:24. @Igor - Have you no mind of your own? If Allison's confidence gets you to take bad advice, then the problem isn't with Allison, it's with you. Why should her confidence influence you, one way or the other?

[@nainajude]

I wish they had a TV show. I feel such a sense of loss when an episode is over.

[@JustBetweenUs]

Same.

[@Aunty87]

LAUGHING OUT LOUD SO HARD, Allison: "well, ya know what, this is not how I saw the episode going.." XOXOXO guys - Sending Love from a poly, goofy chica! You all are always a breathe of FRESH air! Thank ya lovelies for bringing the T! ;)

[@mikaela__]

you guys remain my absolute favorite youtube channel

[@SaraLopez-yt6lv]

Are the sketches coming back?... Your comedy is gold!

[@sophiemcdonagh188]

Would you guys be able to give advice about how to overcome being too attached to your partner in relationships and how to keep your self of self?

[@poeticposturing3850]

"Because we can grow to resent you." OMG! F'in hilarious and Adorable!

[@star-monkey]

not to be off topic but ya'll look extremely good in this video - absolute angels

[@GeneralRania]

Honestly, it's usually not an issue unless your friend is insecure. And not to be an asshole, but insecure friends end up being a bigger heartache than someone secure anyway, soo just tell them.

[@panda161529]

Growing up I didn't think as a women, dating a lot was something that was available for women since in the media women are always represented as reserved and when there are talks of a women dating a lot it was a bad thing, and I think it's really great that Allison talks so openly about going on a lot of dates because this has helped me with un-learning a narrative of women that was taught to me through the patriarchy since birth that women are supposed to be very a hush-hush about their dating life and not date around. Also I'd like the note how Gabby talks about her open relationship with Ellen so openly is great for making conversations about being a part of the LGBTQ+ more normalized and normalizing different types of relationship and sexualities such as open relationships and polyamory. Thank you for being great role models.

[@WaltzTheOji]

Always nice to see Igor!

[@catherinewinter6748]

For the breakup thing I normally say 'do you want to break up over this?' and tell them I'd support them if they did, and if they're unsure offer to talk things through with them; then you're not directly saying I think you should break up, but also putting it out there that you think this is something they are justified in breaking up over

[@rg5587]

it's not just the fact that i learn so much from u guys and ur experiences , it's also ur behavior 😂 especially u Alison 😂 the two fingers applause thingy , the way u move ur hand around when talking and from Gaby i learned the -sitting on the couch legs above -thing I've been ur fan for YEARS literally and proud ❤❤❤ ps Igor, i love ur laugh

[@the_anniest]

I wish Allison was my friend so she would be super open about how she feels! I love brutally honest friends

[@PinkRose0910]

There is a difference in being honest & being kind. Sometimes it’s not your place to speak up so you can journal it. I would say encourage the friend that they deserve to be treated well & loved. If it’s an abusive relationship that’s a different story. I mean we all have bad days and aren’t always nice or kind so maybe the couple worked it out & forgave each other if you caught them having a bad moment. Families fight & argue but stay together. Most people aren’t the best version of themselves all the time.

[@juliz2500]

But how do you tell which is which? My best friend has been with her boyfriend for 5 years now, and there have been a few things where I thought he's too controlling. For example, a few months into their relationship, he told her not to hang out with his roommate when he's not home "because he's HIS friend". There were a few things like that and I always told her how I felt about them and that I thought they were red flags. There were times when he had exams coming up and got very clingy, expecting her to always be there for him, help him, etc. so that she even felt bad about visiting me. A few times he got very jealous and wanted her to end friendships with guys. They had endless discussions about these things. She didn't give in but they didn't reach an agreement either. They also spend almost 24/7 together, except when they are at work, obviously. I've been in an abusive relationship before and I get pretty vigilant with such things. I've always been open with her when I found something fishy, and she considered breaking up with him once or twice, but they always seemed to sort it out - although I sometimes get the feeling that he is just very persuasive... Anyway, they have moved in together and now they want to get married and she asked me to be her maid of honour. It's been some time since we last talked about her relationship. It seems to have been going okay the past few months. But I also barely get her on the phone without him being in the same room anymore. I asked her if she really wanted this, and she said yes. Sometimes I'm not sure if it's just my own biased perspective interfering, but she just seems less herself than before... I have already agreed to be her maid of honour but I want to talk to her again and tell her how I feel. I feel it's my responsibility to do that.

[@kiwiseatpumpkinpie1709]

@@juliz2500 you should probably have a day out with her, like going to a restaurant and if the boyfriend asks excuse it by saying its a friends night out, if he tries to join in think of a reason beforehand. However if you would have to think of a reason just to hangout with your friend alone than that's already a bad sign.

[@VainHarmony]

@@juliz2500 I definitely see a lot of red flags in what you recounted, and I would do the same in your situation.

[@maxwellmediainc]

What I’ve learned (I am in high school I am a senior) ppl are only ok letting you say the truth about their SO when they are ready to here it if their on and they don’t wanna see what’s going on they won’t see it and if you say something before their ready they your the bad guy so I’ve learned to not talk on some one else’s significant other even when asked I have be sure the person is super prepared for my response

[@CherryFruitSnack]

💖💖💖💖 I just love you guys and your ramblings, always wish I was there to weight in 🤩🤩🤩

[@edwinawong3560]

Igor is dressed exactly like the protagonist from GTA III

[@LUVROCK5800]

i literally love allison so much omg

[@billabayy]

please never kick igor out again !! i love this trio

[@nikunj3000]

Love u guys , never stop uploading!!

[@omnyaabdelbaky4709]

The "thet deserve my wrath" thing really got to me. My best friend is getting married next friday to the guy i kept telling her wasn't good for her. When she told me they got engaged, i tried my best to be happy for her. I vowed to not open that subject again . But IF time proved me right, so help me god, that man is gonna feel my wrath !

[@alexiafakou2429]

Love you three so much ♥️

[@tanasis55]

Honestly, I would love Allison to be my friend and straight up tell me her honest thoughts about my "relationships". It would have spared me so much wasted time on disappointing dudes.

[@karigarcia5930]

Allison is so adorable I can't stand it.

[@teapham9109]

I lost my best friend of 6 years telling her that her boyfriend was abusive and controlling. After a year, she was with another guy and we don't talk anymore HAHA

[@LuciaBellanger95]

omg Alison and whoever this Dan is is LITERALLY me

[@TheKatarinaGiselle]

Allison is the honest, shoot-straighter friend that I need in my life and Gabby is the open-minded, understanding friend I need in my life. I would love getting to know them in person. Plus my life has gotten very girlfriend lacking. I enjoy every video they make! Lol.. "It's the moon cycle!" "If I mark it to 30 days, you guys should take me to dinner." Hahaha My question is, do the people they date know about this channel? Because I feel like I would watch every single episode if I was dating a youtuber, I would prob watch it immediately after finding out about their channel..

[@dorsayzm8246]

What happened to Igor tho?

[@71789399]

I need a book from Allison about this kind of stuff.

[@user-yq5xn6qx6w]

yall are so beautiful (inside and out) xx

[@inesrebelo2844]

I'm in an relationship for 3 years now and i've learned to not share every single bad thing they do until I decide if i can forgive them first. Because, I know my friends have the best intensions, but my relation is mine and my partners, so having their opion contantly on things only makes it worse sometimes. Or maybe I just dont have good suportive friends, who knows.

[@itsjamiesparks]

Y'all look so happy and healthy. 😊🙌💕

[@AychJayBee]

My best friend of 20 years was always very honest with how much she hated whoever I was dating at the time. Not having her support put a lot of doubt into a lot of my relationships. So, a couple of years ago when she was in her first real relationship she asked me if I liked him & I said no I don't & here's why, but I'm really trying to like him because you do. I only ever met him twice. He seemed manipulative. Fast forward a few months & she comes to my house to tell me she doesn't want to be friends with me anymore (at his suggestion). They're married now & I haven't seen her since that day. I really hope that he's not the manipulative & possibly abusive piece of crap that I thought he was, but there was nothing I could do. She cut me out. Maybe I should have done things differently. I just hope her family & the friends she still has are looking out for her. I still think it's best to be honest with your friends, but in a careful way so that you don't lose them as a friend.

[@WhatIsItToBurn]

That sucks, some people can give it but not take it.

[@aquatic6225]

allison’s hair looks really nice like that

[@jbaby362]

I went through a similar friend situation as Gaby, and I just walked away because I couldn't be hanging out with him and his girlfriend when I knew how bad she was to him

[@kelley.s]

Gaby at the beginning "but it would be awkward if they stay together and you're in the wedding." Gaby at the end "no you're right I agree." Exhibit A for Allison's convincing confidence 😂

[@alyssaoh]

I don't know if you've done this already but could you do a video about the flip side of this: how to deal with my friends hating my boyfriend? ...cause that's kind of the situation I'm in...

[@nomatophobia]

this is definitely not the first episode where you guys talk about how Allison persuades you to think one way and then changes her mind

[@andagain9826]

Alison: your job as a friend is to support them as they make mistakes that help them grow. Personal experience: other people react much better to subtle hints than to confrontation. Not us Alison. We should be friends. 🤣

[@someguy7567]

Relationships are so complicated. Why would anyone want to be in one?

[@shahyali3569]

Ikr so much with that you never know with a girl either you're dating or not. I've been seeing this lady for couple of weeks now and still not sure are we dating or just hanging out :-(

[@boxiness]

i had a thought. we would often look at some relationships and say that this couple should break up because this person is not good for the other person and blah blah blah. but consider this: as human beings we're so isolated and hate is so easy and love is so fragile. it's wonderful that any couple is able to stay together. staying close to another human being is Hard Work -- something that we often forget. so who am i to advise somebody to break up? just because i'm cynically single? of course, if they're actually being mentally or physically abused, that's a different story.

[@nonchalantd]

perfect episode -- everyone was on fire