Unsafe Relationships? Signs + Creating Safety - Terri Cole

[@terri_cole]

Did any of the signs of unsafe relationships sound familiar to you? In what ways can you try and make your relationships safer? Let me know! Don't forget to download the guide here: www.terricole.com/emotionally-trustworthy-relationships-guide/

[@franciskihanya7789]

Well, I do relate this with your earlier presentations on Codependency, Boundaries and Narcissism.

[@reneewallace8079]

Truly, listening to someone shows you value them.

[@terri_cole]

Exactly!

[@Martty_4]

I really like how Terri shows her vulnerability as a therapist. A role model to me. I'm surrounded by so many who behave perfect

[@terri_cole]

Thank you 💕

[@nicolebrown3022]

Thank you for mentioning auto advice. I don't think a lot of people know how giving auto advice can make someone else feel unheard or need fixing.

[@avanellehansen4525]

Thank you for validating that smotherlove can feel unsafe.

[@terri_cole]

❤️

[@Olivia_G88]

Thank you, Terri! I’m so tired of friends, relatives and partners telling me that I ask for too much. Simple communication and accountability is all I have ever asked for. 🙄

[@terri_cole]

I see you ❤️

[@BeaconOfLight_1997]

I dated a guy when I was 18, deep down I knew that he wasn't to be trusted, my instinct screamed "red flags" but I ignored it, now I'm 27, stuck with this avoidant cheater in marriage and in my culture, divorce is a taboo 💔

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with so much compassion 💕

[@M-xlz3]

This is amazing! As I’ve probably mentioned before, I’m a forever student of human behavior. Studying it is a hobby of mine. Every time I want or need to learn something, an episode of yours shows up!! I love it! I know there are people out there who are extremely proficient at communicating, creating emotional safety within their relationships. I aspire to be like these people, so that’s another reason why I want and need to learn as much as I can.

[@terri_cole]

So glad you enjoyed it ❤️

[@terrimcgovern7410]

I've been in an unsafe relationship for nearly 12 years. I'm in counseling now, but it's a long road out! I hope it's not too late to have a healthy relationship! I appreciate your wisdom and personal stories that are relatable... it helps me see that what I'm going through is not right! Thank you

[@terri_cole]

It is never too late 💕 And I am so glad to hear my stories resonate with you. Wishing you all the best with counseling!

[@VITA_Vietniece]

Thank you, Terri, for being so authentic and always telling your own experience. It helps me to feel as a normal human being.

[@terri_cole]

❤️

[@franciskihanya7789]

Hallo from Nairobi - Kenya. Helpful Content.

[@terri_cole]

Well hello and welcome to my channel! Glad you found it helpful.

[@milacruz3970]

Thank you Terri! Being completely honest I've ralised I've become quite doubtful of people and of my own hability to choose people who are good for me. This video helped me organize my thoughts a lot and realise that with the person I'm going out with, we're building a safe relationship. And that I need to work a bit on giving the benefit of the doubt lol. Thank you for being vulnerable too!

[@terri_cole]

I'm so glad it was helpful and that you realized the relationship you're building is safe ❤️

[@jbad409]

Your videos always add value to me. I'm in the process of reevaluating how I move in the world and how I communicate in relationships or potential ones. Not easy bust I'm proud of myself and grateful for your validation.

[@terri_cole]

I am so happy to hear my videos are valuable for you ❤️ Way to go!

[@bbboomie]

So glad I found your podcast. Thank you for all you do. I just love your advice.

[@terri_cole]

So glad it resonates with you ❤️

[@EGLEZILINSKIENE]

❤thank you so much Terri for this podcast. I red your book few times, my daughter red your book Boundary Boss too and we absolutely love it! I was going through transformation in my live and I am still growing and learning but listening to your podcast and reading book brought up so much clarity and peace . So thank you for helping us all! ❤️

[@terri_cole]

I am so happy Boundary Boss brought you clarity and peace ❤️❤️

[@ayujisu2144]

Thank you Terri.. I really need this, especially during long haul air travel, with many people that I meet along the way.. - Aji

[@crissycobain8361]

I've been watching a lot of your sessions and I've purchased your audio book. I want to say thank you.. as I step in this journey to better myself you make me feel very heard. My husband constantly has his phone in hand and even though I try to give him time after he gets home from work he single handedly gets distracted during a conversation to the point were I can stop mid sentence and for what seems like minutes (which is probably about 30 seconds) doesn't even realize I've stopped talking. I feel this is very damaging. I have trouble asserting myself and even finding words to my disappointment. I have trouble calling out faults cause I never try to point fingers. However him and I exist on a non confrontational relationship. I am trying to correct this because I have become emotionally drained. So I want to say thank you.. cause I knew it wasn't good. But to know that it is unsafe is huge. I'll definitely keep reading your book. Thank you for being you and covering every topic from A-Z.

[@terri_cole]

I am so glad this was helpful to you, and I am witnessing you with so much compassion and holding space for your disappointment. ❤️ For what it's worth, that behavior wouldn't sit well with me either. Having someone's full attention when I am talking to them matters a LOT.

[@crissycobain8361]

@@terri_cole Thank you. Yes..my kids notice it too.. which is even more infuriating. It makes me wonder how he doesn't see this is an issue.

[@MR-xq7vs]

Thank you for this episode Terri. 😊 I found very valuable to hear what could be safe or not so, when relating to others and from your therapy experience. It can often seem confusing, but an awareness, revision and clarity of our boundaries is certainly a start.

[@terri_cole]

I am so glad it added value for you ❤️

[@Janna-Shelley]

So enjoying your vlogs. Helping me more than you know ❤️

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️❤️

[@richie5458]

Nice one Terri, with a narcissist its mostly about whats missing. Instead of holding space for your loved one i got DARVO.....a new term already defined, thank god for the internet lol. Raise a complaint and..... Dismissive Attack Reverse Victim Offender Simples right??? Well no I took it for years..... So be aware of what Terri is saying here....in s healthy relationship we have each others back ❤️

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for sharing ❤️

[@nairadevi2182]

I think being listened to is a part of “quality time” when it comes to love languages.

[@terri_cole]

True 💕

[@amandaarbor7937]

Oh my gosh, you mentioning being listened to as a love language hits home, I was actually thinking about this yesterday. (Well, that and actually deep heartfelt conversations). I am the youngest of 4 and am the only girl in the family and I was often unheard as a child and as I have worked through a lot of the emotional difficulty that I have experienced because of that, it is SO important my partner listens to me and hears me. I made that clear to my last partner (or thought I did???) but even after I had an experience where I was talking to him and he pulled Facebook up on his phone and started scrolling and I asked him if he wouldn’t be on Facebook while I was talking to him. His response was “I can’t do two things at once?” Anyway that was very triggering for me and it did not go well. 😬

[@terri_cole]

I am so sorry he still decided to look at Facebook after you expressed your boundary ❤️ That is so painful, and I'm with you on this. If I am giving you my undivided attention and being present for the conversation, I expect the same in return.

[@carollecampeau4750]

Thank you :) 💜

[@terri_cole]

❤️

[@jamesskelly4116]

Thank you so much for your hard work and insightful videos ❤

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for being here and watching them! ❤️

[@susgwin7987]

Terri, thank you for sharing this because I’m in the middle of something right now and I’m walking around like a zombie in order to protect myself. I feel like my partner is trying to make me crazy or something.

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion and sending strength ❤️❤️

[@PaigeSquared]

Ugh my ex husband said he would fix my car after I had a basic fender bender, that the police let me drive home from. The airbag blew though, and in my state, that means it's totaled. Three years later, divorce pending and the car is still in my driveway. He blamed everyone else including his brother?? and the welder he hired and I paid in advance for, who never showed up. When it initially happened, we sat down and I very seriously asked, "can you actually ACTUALLY do this, or should I call my mom to help me handle this?" He swore up and down it was no big thing, don't take it to a shop, blah blah blah. I asked again, "you're 100% sure?" He said yes, no worries. I poured $600+ into parts. Most of them are on, technically, but not the front bumper. That's abusive, and good luck having them be accountable for that sort of passive aggressive crap!! Honestly, I preferred when he began screaming at me. When he was evicted, he had the nerve to take the Subaru that was in both of our names (yes both title and loan, I made sure), that I used for work. His mother is driving it to and from her new job. But my wrecked car is in the driveway. 😡 I don't want to sell the wrecked car, but it's looking like I'm going to have to go that route. I owe it in full, after years of working my ass off, it's the only thing that survived the marriage. But if it isn't road legal, it isn't worth as much as I know it should be, the 6cyl. engine is perfectly fine! My dad passed a decade ago, he was the one who did the car handling in my family growing up. I have been wondering if I could borrow a friend's dad to guide me on what to do with this mess.

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion- that sounds extremely frustrating ❤️

[@TarenWood]

Terri, do you have video for if you are anxious about family/friends not telling you if there is an issue within the relationship and feeling responsible for what others DON'T say.

[@terri_cole]

I have a video on unspoken agreements/expectations, which is a similar dynamic: kzbin.info/www/bejne/gpWwfpyLjLaem9E I also have a video on talking true which may be related: kzbin.info/www/bejne/aJC2i2Snn6tqirs In either case, if you have a strong sense that there IS an issue and someone isn't speaking up, you can say so (if it is safe to do so): "Hey, I noticed something feels off here. Is there something you'd like to share?" If they say no, then you need to figure out how you want to proceed from there. (You can modify it to fit the circumstance and name specific things that contribute to you feeling this way.) I hope that helps!

[@commiezombie2477]

If the garbage bothers her so bad THEN SHE SHOULD TAKE IT OUT.

[@7Aum]

❤

[@monikaleszko5343]

how can we know the difference between knowing that our triggers are being triggered because we’re UNHEALED or if it’s because someone is manipulative ,unsafe ,narcassistic etc?

[@terri_cole]

I have a video where I go more in-depth about emotional triggers here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/qXSremqmpNF3e8U And a video about manipulation tactics here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/joC0dampgJqkmaM I think developing more awareness around what each looks like can help 💕

[@monikaleszko5343]

I’ll watch both tonight. Thank you 🙋🏼‍♀️😊

[@jessicatill4981]

Single 8 relationship

[@sharonsilveus3730]

Hello

[@terri_cole]

Hi Sharon!

[@jessicatill4981]

Single relationship Jessica till