The 3 Fantasies RUINING your Style | Style Tips to TRANSFORM your relationship with your closet

#ruiningyourstyle #stylefantasies #styletips #transformyourstyle
Today I’m talking about 3 fantasies that are RUINING your style. Timestamps below:
01:36 The Lifestyle Fantasy
05:27 The Money Fantasy
09:43 The Body Image Fantasy
Featured piece from Lilysilk (not sponsored): www.lilysilk.com/us/lilysheen...
What I'm wearing and outfit links (where available) in order of appearance:
Wearing watch from MVMT c.klarna.com/al/9nHa/
Wearing bracelet from Mejuri c.klarna.com/al/9nHP/
White linen pants - original from & Other Stories size S but no longer available
Striped silk shirt (similar - original from Lilysilk size M) c.klarna.com/al/9pGb/
Sunglasses (exact) c.klarna.com/al/9pGS/
Black silk slip dress (similar - original from Lilysilk size M) c.klarna.com/al/9pGf/
Black cross body bag from Nike, Grey sweater (v-neck) from Aran Sweater Co, both old.
Black knee high boots from Paul Smith via the Outnet - sold out but check out a very similar pair here c.klarna.com/al/9pGo/
Converse (exact) c.klarna.com/al/9pGK/ (wearing size UK05 - TTS)
White blazer originally from & Other Stories and lace t-shirt and jeans both from Next - old.
Trench coat from Massimo Dutti (size UK10), sold out, but very similar here c.klarna.com/al/9pFz/
Toteme black cross body bag ('T-lock clutch') exact here c.klarna.com/al/9pH0/
I post lots of outfit ideas featuring these pieces and more on my Instagram. Follow me here: / trishmoneill so you don’t miss anything.
Leave me a comment below - I love to hear from you!
For reference, I am 5’2”. I am usually a size UK 10/EU 38/US 6/small.
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Link to Tanner Leatherstein’s channel here:
/ @tanner.leatherstein
This video is not sponsored.
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Thank you for watching!

[@TrishONeillStyle]

Thanks so much to everybody for leaving such interesting and thoughtful comments! I read every single one with great enjoyment-but more importantly your comments are also visible for the rest of the community to enjoy and learn from. Thank you 🌷

[@TheSadlerandrea]

That gold blouse would be great for the office! It would be great under a blazer or a sweater, so treat yourself!

[@debbiedavis6944]

“It’s never your body, it’s always the clothes”. Absolutely true and brilliant.

[@bertiefox5410]

Disagree I'm afraid. Body is everything in my experience.

[@thatgirlirish5492]

Disagree. My body is most definitely a factor. I much prefer when I’ve lost weight because yes my clothes absolutely look much better. But yes, dress for your body shape. Not everything looks good on everyone and that’s ok. I follow Kibbe and my eye.

[@LythaWausW]

Except that virtually all clothes look better on thinner people.

[@EggTriangleTriangle]

I think the fantasy I get into more often than any other is the idea that I'll suddenly have more time, energy, and talent to style myself than I actually do. Also, that I'm suddenly going to be able to put up with clothes that aren't comfortable.

[@tamarakoltermann-vw7pe]

That's me exactly

[@MesRevesEnRose]

Yes! 😂 After a few years and many dollars wasted I finally know the exact amount of comfort I am willing to sacrifice for style and it's not very much. 🤣 I finally stopped buying the gorgeous high heels (I like walking too much), tight dresses, and a little too short skirts.

[@JuliaKirsty]

To me there is another fantasy that I fell "victim" to. I understand my bodytype very well (also the Kibbe image ID and Kitchener essences, as well as my color season) and I tried to match everything to my given features AND my lifestyle. Problem is that it looked nice but it didn't look like myself anymore and also did not feel like myself at all. I think your personal style does/should not only mirror your lifestyle but also your personality. And THAT I feel is kinda hard to do I feel. I mean, all these systems are meant to teach you how to look the most feminine and radiant you possibly could. But throughout my journey, I realized that's not really what I want or like to look like. Not just talking about aesthetics here, I love the aesthetic I created with all these "tools given", but I don't feel right in it. It's like creating an alternative me for a role in a movie. BUT acknowledging this AND having these tools, I learned how to create the exact visuals I want. And that was worth the very confusing trial and error phase. (It was basically like "If this is the best choice for me, why do I feel so wrong in this?!" etc.)

[@lisa_wistfulone7957]

I understand this completely! I’ve gone through a similar process (though I’ve only a basic understanding of the Kibbe/Kitchener tools), and had to really sort out what Actually Feels like Me. I thrift everything, so I often find styles that look great on me but I don’t feel comfortable in. When I was researching all this body type and season colors, I brought too many of those items home. Meanwhile there were items I loved and felt wonderful wearing that were in my “donate” pile, just because they weren’t supposed to be right for me. Thankfully the donation bag sat awhile, and I pulled those pieces back out!

[@21Smashy1326]

Carol Tuttle Dressing your truth teaches you how to dress exactly who you are as a person ❤

[@Ayverie4]

This is where I'm at. Most of the styles in these type of videos are actually super boring and devoid of personality to me. If you're designing a magazine catalog, that would be great. And I love some good style tips. But none of the outfits shown actually appeal to me. It's just a toolkit 👍

[@snooze6650]

100%. For me I like that I've put so much thought/effort/research into learning it all because I feel I have more power over what I abide by in a given outfit vs rebel against lol. Like what they say about studying painting - you learn the rules so you know how to break them later

[@habituscraeft]

As a person who sews their own (rather far from mainstream) clothing, I find it frustrating how narrow the portrayal of these types are. It's hard to get anything out of the way things are portrayed now. I actually get more from watching Eighties content, because it is so obviously out of style that it forces me to focus on principles, rather than specifics. But speaking as a sewist, if there's an outfit you already decided you want to make for yourself, is something like Kibbe going to help you tweak your pattern to get the most out of it? In most cases, yes. Because you're starting from having made (or found) a pattern that speaks to you. That doesn't disappear, with just a few tweaks. But if you're using Kibbe (or any other system) as a starting point and walking into a store, there's very little chance of walking out with something that's "You," because you've limited yourself both to "things other people have decided to sell me" (which is hugely limiting, already) and also "things that fot my [Kibbe type, color season, &c.]." Once you've done all that, you've severely limited your chances of finding pieces with *any* kind of unique flavour, much less yours. I honestly think most of these systems are exceptionally poorly suited to buying clothing off the rack. There's a reason most of these systems originated around movie stars (people attired by a costuming department) and painted advertising (which isn't even real faces and fabrics). These choices are *way* more relevant for refining an existing vision than for just going out and finding existing clothing for sale out in the world.

[@melocoton7]

I’ve pushed myself to dress how I want and to wear those slightly over the top pieces. It’s fun and a little against mainstream trends. I get so many compliments from strangers when I do. So if you think something is a little too dressy or loud for an occasion, wear it anyway.

[@MashaK99]

YES! Sometimes you just need to feel pretty, even if it's a "fantasy" and you're just going to work lol.

[@melocoton7]

@@lonewolf8667 😄 oh yes I’ve been told that. I take it as a compliment and give my biggest smile and a thank you. If it was catty they get awkward 🤣🤣 sucks to suck ey 🤣

[@violakarl6900]

IMO "overdressed" is a concept founded by insecure people with bad style to pull people with better style down and make them feel bad.

[@imalrockme]

I only consider that someone is overdressed when it keeps that person from engaging or keeping up with people in a specific setting. Exp. someone wears stilletto shoes to a public park kids birthday party, so they can't walkstraight or even help with their own kids! Otherwise, it's usually me who tik I'm underdressed, and I make an effort for every situation.@@violakarl6900

[@doricetimko5403]

Yes! Yesterday, NYE, I wore a crew neck sweater made with sparkly gray/black yarn w/ black jeans n Jean jacket. Got compliments for bringing a bit of festivity among many ‘not sparkly’ beings. Mission accomplished! I felt great n made someone else smile n share a kindness

[@xeniatupitsyna1026]

Another sub-item under "Lifestyle fantasy" for me is the maintenance of the clothes. An example being - a new mom can pick a silk blouse or a knit top for work, but she would probably choose the knit top every time because she doesn't have time to take the blouse to the dry cleaners or to just iron it.

[@lynn858]

Yup. There are many clothes I find gorgeous, but they absolutely can't handle snuggling with my cat (delightful) or training dogs, or the fact that I spill and slop while cooking or cleaning. I've spent way less time removing grease stains from tshirts now that I have a kitchen apron that really meets my needs... so I actually do wear it... But even if all the animals nails were trimmed yesterday... (a fantasy in itself) it better be something I can mend cuz there will be snags.

[@BianaBova]

Ohmygod I HAVE to talk about my history of body fantasies. In high school, I thought I had an hourglass figure because I had large boobs and a narrow waist. I'm also short (5'2") so I never dared to wear anything long and drapey because "only tall people can get away with that." My wardrobe was full of mini skirts and tiny tops...but none of them looked good on me. I'd see girls roughly my same height and weight wearing the same silhouettes, and they looked dainty and cute, versus myself who always looked like I was hulking out of my clothing. Even with all the evidence to the contrary, I just couldn't stop thinking that I was a short hourglass. Fast forward ~15 years, and it finally--FINALLY--clicks that I'm a triangle, NOT an hourglass. Yeah, I have a full chest and small waist, but my dominant features are my broad shoulders and narrow hips, which explains why small, tight clothes never worked. I also have a long torso and athletic frame, meaning that I have tall people proportions without the height. I've now switched my wardrobe to maxi skirts, flare jeans, flowy dresses, and other dramatically-structured garments, and I now look tall and powerful. It's INSANE how important /accurate/ body analysis is to dressing well. If certain clothes repeatedly don't look good on you, take a step back and really look at your proportions. You might be missing something hidden in plain sight.

[@catherineochia9996]

I'm the same height as you, and also an inverted triangle shape, with a 30 inch inside leg measurement. This means that I look good in flared jeans, long skirts and long dresses. The usual dainty, short female clothes, as you pointed out, look horrendous on me. Yes, it's really important to know your proportions.

[@heidimeigs5192]

I’m much older than you, I’m 66 yrs old and have worked out my wardrobe for both my personal style, my own casual life, and my particular shape and build. But I enjoy watching younger women come into their true selves. Sometimes I hear things I’d forgotten or just never tried. We’re never to old to learn. 👍🏻

[@SkyePhoenix]

Yes!

[@aleisterlilywhite1109]

The lifestyle thing is a myth. Wear your sequined dress to the grocery store or to the office, it’s fine. You may get some looks, but it gets easier each time you go out.

[@Nushka1962]

Other than don't be inappropriate at a wedding or a funeral, I think you're right!

[@m-rz]

Yeah, exactly. And the more you do it, the more people expect it from you and it stops being weird.

[@Ayverie4]

To an extent. But if you have kids, or animals, or spend a portion of your day cooking, cleaning, or doing outdoor work, there's a practicality factor. I'm probably not putting on the sequined dress JUST for the grocery store.

[@granthropologist3622]

I am putting on the sequin dress for the grocery store. But I am an old goth, so I know what I like to wear and there is no boundary between day wear and evening wear in my wardrobe. I take the point about cleaning and animal care etc. I have a lot of sensible black jersey dresses that I can do anything in and I throw a beaded Devore kimono over the top so that I feel like myself but I can whip it off easily when I’m taking the bin out.

[@aleisterlilywhite1109]

@@granthropologist3622 I’m an old goth too. We’re just more used to it I think, since we’ve been getting stared at for so long. Getting dressed and put together is my favourite part of the day. Sure, I have a bunch of simple little black dresses for housework and cooking but I always accessorize for the gods before I leave the house. The only exception is when I go to the gym. Then it’s just band tees and leggings.

[@vsylve01]

I wear all my sequins to work. I also love to wear the gold and silver lame weekly, to work. Why not? It’s fun.

[@nadinehildebrand8035]

Ich mag alles was glitzert und bunt ist das Leben ist auch bunt 'Mut'...traut euch

[@theprousteffect9717]

The body type fantasy was the longest and most difficult for me to learn as well. I think it's because out of all the fantasies, it's the most personal, scary, and potentially a little damaging to the ego. For me this fantasy was also tied in with my desire to be "fashionable." It doesn't help that so much of what's presented as chic, stylist, trendy, and high fashion is very oversized, whereas more form fitting clothing for us curvy folk is presented as boring, basic, and uninspired. If you pay attention to fashion at all, you learn that adding volume to one's silhouette with clothing is what's cool, arty, and stylish, and most form-fitting clothes are what people with no sense of style choose to wear. Of course I wanted to be stylish, not unstylish, so I thought I could simply replicate stylish outfits I saw on very tall, slender models. After trying many garments and outfits that looked good on different body types but did nothing for me, I one day accidentally tried something for my body type and my confidence skyrocketed. It completely changed the way I thought about my body. That's when I started digging deeper, learning about different body types and where I fall on the spectrum, and realized there were entire schools of thought dedicated to this. I could have saved myself so much time, energy, money, frustration, and years of body insecurity if I'd had this information sooner. I appreciate you saying "It's never you, it's always the clothes." I always thought I just needed to change my mindset, build my confidence, or just lose weight, but no amount of confidence building is going to make me believe I look good in certain garments 😂

[@carolineharwood6464]

There are so many niche handbag manufacturers who make beautifully high quality, handmade bags (particularly in France & Italy). They are often available on pre-loved sites (they don’t command high prices because they’re not “big” brands). I prefer to pay for quality than a ridiculous logo!

[@patriciasalem3606]

These are also great items to pick up if you go on holiday to places like Spain, Italy, Mexico, or Argentina.

[@stratospherica]

Yes! Give me a bag with high quality craftsmanship using sustainably sourced materials and processing techniques (i.e. no chrome tanning) where everyone in the production process gets paid a fair amount over a big name brand any day.

[@india1422]

I sew. I’m good at it. I take time with pattern placement and pattern matching. I use high quality fabrics. I make the inside look as good as the outside. I’ve looked inside some “ investment pieces” . The prices charged, the fabric used, the quality of construction- it’s often very poor. Now I know that there are vintage clothes where the seam finishes inside are shocking, but the actual construction and fabrics used are beautiful. Today that is not automatically the case.

[@lynn858]

Precisely. I mostly do fixing and altering rather than creating garments from scratch... but looking at how a garment is constructed, to see if the change you want to make will be possible... there's such a range of variation, and it's not what the price tags suggest it would be.

[@katestout5099]

About the body type fantasy. I'm an older woman, with a fairly square body. Also large breasts. Not an hourglass at all. I look at many designer clothes, and ask myself "But where would I put my boobs?" It helps diffuse the long lean fantasy immediately. As I spent many years trying to look lean by trying to long angular stuff, which just looked wrong with my actual body.

[@theresagarza1578]

I kinda had it figured out. Then I hit menopause. Now I’m learning how to style my new body.

[@cmb9993]

I'm showing my age here, but when I was a teen in the 1960s, Twiggy was the IT girl. I was actually quite slender then but I always felt fat compared to the models in the magazines and half the girls in my classes. Every clothes shopping trip was torture. Thank goodness I gained a little perspective with age...now if I could just cure wrinkles!😅 Thank you for your very thoughtful advice. It's spot on!

[@joysedgwick812]

As a young woman with ….. a bust! ….. Twiggy almost ruined my teen years! I still struggle- that metallic blouse would be dreadful on me!

[@pokelover02]

Wrinkles are beautiful 🥰

[@katella]

​@@pokelover02Twiggy, is that you?

[@silverhoyden4178]

Last summer, I bought a pair of chunky platform sandals. The “platform” part was probably 4”. I love them. I have yet to wear them out of the house, but I’ve worn them lots in my bedroom 😂. These were purchased for the fantasy in which I am much younger and trendier than I feel 99.98% of the time. The purchase was a learning opportunity, though. I now understand that I have a “fantasy” self, and need to be careful her hijacking my brain when I shop.

[@lalablotz7348]

Ah yes the fantasy self has done this to me too with similar sounding shoes

[@jauntydamemusic]

I bought a few pair of what I call "pandemic shoes," which were CLEARLY the result of being in lockdown and forgetting how painful some shoes can be!

[@Off_the_clock_astrophysicist]

@@jauntydamemusic I also went through a shoe shopping spree following the lockdowns, but in a different direction. I stopped wearing shoes for a while and when I started needing shoes again, they all felt uncomfortable. So I bought loafers and sneakers. Some were good purchases, others I am unable to style.

[@carolineharwood6464]

Another important thing is to know what jeans suit one’s own body type best. I am petite, and top heavy. Skinny jeans never worked for me (they made me look even more top heavy!). Neither high waist or low waist jeans work either! I find that mid rise is the most flattering and a cropped bootcut really works for me. I have stuck to this model for many years and refuse to be persuaded that there would be a better cut for my body. This style works with most footwear and is completely versatile.

[@marciamartins1992]

I think you hit it on the head. This is precisely my problem. I'm living in denial. I have NYC tase, but now I live in rural Texas. I need to get rid of 75% of my wardrobe. It's hard because I love everything I have, but don't wear it because it's too hot, too urban, too young, too big or small, too dressy. After living in the fashion centers on NY and LA, I feel like a fish out of water. I have to slow way down, and not follow trends every season like I used to. Old habits die hard.

[@Okiepharmer]

Oh no! Is there any way you could make it work? I’m in Texas so have friends & coworkers across the state. A few of them have really posh wardrobes & they never look out of place. I’m a sweater & jeans kind of girl but have been pleasantly influenced by them to upgrade my shoe & jewelry game.

[@kathleenherzik9858]

Yes, please wear your beautiful stylish clothes anyway! I love it when stylish people show up, it raises the vibe. People who don't know style won't notice and those of us who appreciate style will enjoy you. ❤❤❤

[@lauraland9311]

Wear your fancy clothes! I’ve spent most of my life living in different parts of rural and urban Texas, and my mantra has ALWAYS been “just because I live here doesn’t mean I have to look like it.” I’ve had friends see me from afar and then get close and scream oh! It’s you! I saw you from over there and thought “who is that? she’s DEF not from here!” Wear what you love and what makes YOU feel awesome. If that bothers someone else, that’s their problem. You know who wears Rick Owens in Lamesa? I do!

[@MissDuke2012]

Just wear what you like.

[@elenanordberg4287]

Same here. I am a mother of two little dragons living in rural Finland. But my wardrobe is living an office and party life somewhere in Milano or Los Angeles. So i am barely using 20% of it, and the cheapest 20%

[@anmnou]

I think it is really important to know what flatters one's shape. I love those chunky oversized knitted sweaters but I look like a quarterback in them, lol! I can't do those dropped hem sleeves either, though I love how it looks on models. I have stopped feeling bad for not being able to pull of certain looks.

[@Jennifer_Lewis_Beach_Living]

Excellent commentary! I agree that the biggest mistake that I see is the body image fantasy. I see women wear things that don’t suit their body type (regardless of size), and I see women either trying to squeeze into a garment so she can say that she wears a certain size or wear baggy, oversized clothing because they think that it’ll make them look slimmer. It doesn’t matter whether the woman is model slim or plus-sized - wearing clothing that fits properly AND suits her body type and coloring makes her look terrific, regardless of the number on the size tag.

[@mercedes523]

I have found that Calvin Klein fits me almost always to a tee. It’s as if my clothes were sewn for my body shape. I do feel blessed to have found a fit for my style.

[@nae_to_cleasadair]

The striped-top looks you showed when you started talking about the body image fantasy, look great to my eyes! I also love wearing striped tops and I don't always tuck them in. It's kinda cute on my body and face shape somehow. And tucking things in tends to make me look bad, maybe it's my shape. Mind you, the content creators I follow are also around my 5'1 height and have similar face shape as my own. I tend to go Oooh, they look a bit like me! and follow that person and see how they make things work.

[@rosieloomoonmcbeth3189]

I have fallen for all those fantasies over the years. The money fantasy in reverse: I don’t deserve expensive things. I have way too many clothes, so this has inspired me to assess my wardrobe thinking mostly of life style and size. I have a lot of fancy things I probably won’t wear any time soon, so I’m putting them on posh mark to. Thanks for a great video.

[@jeanettemarkley7299]

I just bought a little bag (what I wanted and needed because I lost a lot of weight) from Coach outlet on-line. I have heard the leather is quality and craftsmanship is pretty good. it was the only quality bag I could find in the style, size and hardware color I wanted, plus the cost did not seem over the top unlike Coach, so I bought it.

[@BleedInAllColours]

FINALLY somebody talking about fashion that looks like me. This is so helpful!

[@anmnou]

I feel SO understood! I just sold/donated things that were part of my ideal, fantasy self...pencil skirts, silk blouses and blazers--I call it my gallery owner look (my fantasy job), lol! I just really love comfortable clothes in natural materials and want to be true to myself. Thank you so much for this video!

[@justaname999]

the last one can also work in reverse (thank goodness!). There are things that will look better on shorter or curvier people. I've had a bigger bottom/smaller waist than regular sizes and have always hated that so many things don't hang on me the way they do on others and often would make me look bulkier. But on the flip side, I have the easiest time dressing in the fall/winter months because so many tighter fit knit dresses sit better than they do on straight figures. A pair of boots, interesting earrings or a necklace and it's an outfit. all this to say: never despair that clothes don't sit on you like they do on somebody else, you're dressing yourself and not dressing up to look like someone else :)

[@kumo50]

My dog would love to be walked in that gold blouse.

[@isabellerininger6249]

Body image for sure. What I think I look like and reality are very different.

[@kat_thefruitbat]

Regarding the mention of handmade items in the money fantasy point- I wanted to give a reminder that everything with stitching is indeed handmade. Just as sewing with a hand-needle, a sewing machine also requires human hands to operate and guide (+ cut + press) the fabric. Another important thing to remember is that anything crocheted is done entirely by hand. And while knitting can be done by machine, it still takes human hands to operate it as well. These are just a few facts that we should use to help guide us in deciding which brands and markets we choose to support with our money- To me, carrying a “luxury” designer label wouldn’t be “luxurious” at all, because their practices go completely against my values of ethical and sustainable production. About the final point- This is something I have been working on as of late. I started weightlifting this year and have gained a lot of muscle because of it. This has been great for my physical fitness, and I feel great about my health. However, it has made a lot of my clothing no longer fit, and I have had to remind myself a lot about exactly what you said- My clothes should fit my body and I should not try and fit myself into my clothes. I’m getting there, and slowly replacing items with one or two sizes up has made me feel better- simply having clothes that fit right can make so much difference. I will say, it has been difficult now to even find clothes that properly fit and flatter my body in the way I want them to- if you know of any fitness influencers who talk about fashion and wear more than athleisure clothing, please let me know lol. But it’s because of this problem that I actually started teaching myself to sew. I have altered some of my clothing to fit better, and I want to start sewing my own sewing patterns soon so I can have full control over the look and fit of the garments.

[@amydevol8224]

Ready-to-wear (in French, prêt-à-porter) is to fit the "average" figure for a given size. For most of us, this isn't quite right. Few of us can afford to have all of our clothes custom made. That being said, there is no shame in getting a size or larger or smaller so as to better drape around a particular body feature. Taking that garment and do some tailoring will work wonders. An example from my own history, I used to buy blazers/sports coats to fit the width of my shoulders, but then couldn't button it closed because of a (very) full bust. A better strategy is buy a size or two larger and take it to a tailor to get it to fit properly. Higher end department stores often offer free tailoring or at reasonable cost. It never hurts to ask.

[@kat_thefruitbat]

@@amydevol8224 Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience on this! 😊 Getting the size that accommodates areas of my body that are generally larger, longer, or wider than RTW pieces is exactly how I’ve been approaching the size I choose. For instance, it would be much harder, if not impossible, to alter shoulder seams that are too narrow for my shoulders. I’ve actually been finding a lot of ideas for DIY alterations within the construction methods of vintage and historic clothing! Simple fabric manipulations like darts, tucks, pleats, and shirring can go a long way towards improving the fit of a RTW garment- often without having to cut into it or unpick too many seams! 👍👍😊

[@Off_the_clock_astrophysicist]

The body shape fantasy is so true and so powerful. I am nearing my 50th birthday and have just truly come to terms with my own body shape. I have been aware of it and figured out how to dress it for some time, but only recently did I truly let go of the idea that my waist to hip ratio was ever going to go down to Nicole Kidman levels. That awareness came home when I started documenting my outfits every day by taking a picture. Talk about a reality check. That is not to say that I have decided to let myself go, but I am looking at maintaining my healthy weight differenlty. I watch and address the development of the muffin top, but for the rest I live with my apple-like mid section instead of constantly striving for and dreaming of a flat stomach and small waist. It's not in my DNA. I have wasted too much energy on that. It would be nice if we could be wise at age 20.

[@debrawalters9746]

So true Trish! After retiring from nursing I found my closet lacking. Wearing a uniform stunted my style! My closet was full of “fancy” clothes I wore once a year, if ever and a bunch of random things that didn’t go together. Last year I started buying good quality basics, of which I had none. That and discovering high waisted jeans and pants has made getting dressed a dream. I’m like you, 5’2” and curvy. I found the high waisted jeans really gave my silhouette a nice appearance. My husband says “ no more lumps and bumps”. The tshirts and shirts I’ve opted for are closer to the skin which balance to the high waisted pants. I enjoy your videos tremendously. Thank you for inspiring me along my style journey. Happy holidays ❤

[@Muse720]

My take on luxury goods as someone whose worked in the luxury furniture industry for over a decade-the cost of R&D, meaning the skill of good designers & any research that informs the designs, tends to be completely overlooked as a factor in the cost. In large part this is because once an innovative design is out in the world, people will immediately knock it off & steal the intellectual property (regardless of any paperwork aimed at preventing it). So yes, the same design can & will be made in the same materials & with good craftsmanship, but the knock off culture robs the creatives & drastically reduces the incentive for innovation because innovation takes time & money.

[@quitelight9693]

The fantasy of winning someone's approval with my fashion or shopping choices. I still hear a few toxic voices from my past while I shop, and have to be careful not to bend to their will. I cut the people out of my life years ago. I shouldn't be dressing for their approval now. (Although some really did know how to dress, they didn't necessarily want Me to look good, too. Competition.)

[@lyndajay4407]

"It's always the clothes and not our bodies" love that quote -- thanks for sharing!

[@MissDuke2012]

Abdicating responsibility at every turn.

[@Ayverie4]

Responsibility for WHAT...?

[@callid423]

For me the lifestyle fantasy is more of a “weather” fantasy. I love the way I look in skirts and dresses but in the winter I always reach past them to the fleece-lined jogging bottoms. It feels like to be fashionable in winter means never doing up your coat (to show off your careful layering) which is also not reasonable in my climate

[@TrishONeillStyle]

Check out my latest video to solve the problem of how to be fashionable in winter even with your coat closed! kzbin.info/www/bejne/jKu1ha2VrM6le7M 🌷

[@AnnekeOosterink]

My solution to that was good tights, some woolen tights too, for extra warmth. I felt I couldn't wear my pretty skirts in the winter, but honestly, a skirt with tights is warmer than most of my jeans.

[@happytofu5]

Same! I have too many summer clothes because I love the summer - and not enough winter clothes. Its so messed up that the winter is longer and therefore I'd need more winter clothes, but the winter clothes take up more space at the same time.

[@epicnamepwns1242]

There really ought to be a scarf like that beautiful blouse. Most of the glamour with less of the limitations.

[@wannabe41]

Very informative video! I have definitely fallen victim to the lifestyle fantasy in a way. Prior to the pandemic, I worked in the office 4 days a week, but due to the pandemic and lack of office space for new staff, I now only work in the office 2 days a week. I love professional and business casual workwear. I started my professional life during a time when dress codes were more strict and you had to wear professional attire. My problem was that I kept adding to my professional wardrobe even though I wear these items much less frequently because I don’t go into the office as much anymore. It took some effort to adjust my buying habits and now I direct my energy towards creating outfits from what I already have in my wardrobe. I can relate to your content even though I’m not petite; I’m 5’8”, because your content is relatable in so many ways. Wishing you continued success with your channel.

[@CampLJNC]

I guess I have believed all of these fantasies at one time or another. Recently I tried buying higher quality items online, and they just looked horrible on me because they didn't fit me well. I am petite on top and curvy on the bottom so finding clothes that fit well can be a challenge. I also realized recently that I love to buy dressy clothes, but I only wear them for a few hours on Sunday If I go to church. Everything else has to be comfortable and dog proof! Ha ha. So I am really interested in how to create some elevated leisure looks. I like the blazer over hoodie example, for instance. Thanks for making this video. It fills a void!

[@flufwix]

Honestly I’m happiest when I’m in blue jeans or shorts and a white tee shirt and fortunately have managed to get my lifestyle to match that. I work remotely from home. I have a small selection of other items for dressing up or face to face business occasions. I buy clothes to fit me correctly then cut off the labels which are meaningless given the huge disparity in sizing across brands

[@mehitabel6564]

Thank you! What a helpful video, you address issues that I've not heard anyone else speak about. I've just subscribed. One of the solutions for me was to learn to design and sew my own clothes, to a high standard. It helped me objectively to understand my own proportions. Having to go from working in an office and meeting clients formally dressed, to working from home in casual gear caused me to hit the style doldrums, and I've gradually been learning to hit the sweet spot between casual and well-dressed.

[@ZwarteKonijn]

For me it's the first and last. Especially with the lifestyle one, there was this hope of 'fitting in', 'things will finally fall into place'. It was kinda based on 'mom look from 2000-2010 movies', but looking back it was for me just about the wish to have my own place and be an adult and have a stable job and things were right. So I wore stuff that weren't me at all, and it made me feel so miserable. Letting go of the idea of wanting to 'fit into' gave me so much more space to just dress as myself. Screw trying to look like an adult, I got the t-shirts I wanted as a teen (band tees and funny tees), and that made me feel so much more at ease in my outfits. On the body fantasy, I'm the opposite, I'm tall and slender (I have a similar bodytype to Jennifer Lawrence for reference), and I felt so much annoyance that I could not make cute clothes that would look amazing on smaller girls look good on me (Sabrina from the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina was my biggest inspiration, I so wanted to dress like that), but it just looked absolutely weird on me, like I was wearing dolls clothes. For me it was mostly the Kibbe and Kitchener system to help me realize I would never achieve that look on me, but I could play with elements of what I liked of that style into what did work for my body. To go more for a similar vibe than a replica of an outfit.

[@tiffystrangebirdbrown6844]

Coastal Texas native, I usually live in sandals. Socks are insufferable except 3months outta the year. ❤️

[@beverlynorris557]

Another helpful video. I have fallen victim to the body fantasy and lifestyle fantasy. I have now stopped sabotaging my wardrobe.

[@TrishONeillStyle]

That’s great to hear Beverly! Thanks for watching 🌸

[@arlenewitt248]

There is nothing wrong with wearing the gold Lilysilk blouse with a nice dress pair is pants or a midi or maxi skirt and dressy boots to go to dinner with friends. It’s not like a satin sequin cocktail dress, which would be over the top. There is nothing wrong with dressing up for a dinner with friends or even a family party. You just don’t want to be over the top. You should purchase blouse if you can afford it. I suspect you will get more wear out to than you think. Especially during the holidays.

[@LauraLu111]

It depends on what you consider to be "over the top". Personally, I would find a golden shiny blouse a bit too much (to say the least) for a casual dinner. And not everybody feels comfortable with that. I agree, that there is nothing wrong with dressing up, but some people simply like to dress up in more understated pieces, and that absolutely doesn't equal looking less elegant or stylish. For example, the same blouse in any other color (not metallic) still would look very elegant, but much more versatile.

[@junengac1312]

I enjoy seeing people dressed up even over the top for the event. Live and let live. Dressing up is a big effort and if people enjoy it to spend that much of effort, I would give them my appreciation. I never could know what it means to the wearer, maybe she/he goes through deep depression, a serious illness, last stage of living….❤️

[@kathleenherzik9858]

​@@junengac1312love your perspective. I too LOVE to see someone dressed beautifully according to their inner voice regardless of the event. ❤❤❤

[@edennis8578]

It depends on your local community. Going to dinner in a big city, even to a little cafe, is a much different thing than going to dinner in a farming community.

[@kristinrichmond8185]

I think the point is , dress in a way that makes you feel comfortable. If wearing a fancy top, to a more casual event, doesn’t bother you , then go for it. She dresses in a way that is consistent with her lifestyle, which makes her feel comfortable.

[@candacemattila2333]

The Boho look was my lifestyle fantasy that kept me looking dumpy and a bit disheveled. At 5'8" with broad shoulders and a C cup + I discovered I look best in a relaxed classic style that skims the body (not skin tight). I still love the Boho look but now I keep it to a swooshy skirt and maybe one or two accessories and it works.

[@Julia4453]

Finally, someone else with the same problem! I’m 5’9” and slender, straight across shoulders, long arms & legs-a model’s build. I love boho. I finally figured out that slim tailored styles (nothing skin tight, as you say) are the way to go. I sometimes try to mix in a gauzy top (usually under a blazer) or vintage jewelry.

[@candacemattila2333]

Because we are both slim hipped we can get away with prints and fuller skirts. My favorite Boho look is a simple button down shirt tied at the waist with a swooshy printed skirt and Boho belt, ballet flats or sandals (Spring/Summer) or a trim fitting sweater with boots (Autumn/Winter).

[@tennilledebysingh5819]

Great video! I think we've all fallen prey to each category you mentioned, and another person mentioned that systems created to figure out your body type and your personal style can also become extreme. I feel we should take what we need from those systems and incorporate how you want to feel in your clothes. It took me forever to figure out my personal style, how to style myself, for my body type & how I wanted to feel in my clothing, & for the event; whether that was lounging at home, going to a house party, going to dinner with friends, or on a date. I love soft, comfortable clothes, easy to move in (NOT athleisure wear), classic, elegant, feminie, & fun (depending on the event)..I am also somewhat of a minimalist. All of this has taken over 2 years to come together and I'm still learning. To know yourself is power...

[@carolinesaunders8603]

Hi Trish, Thank you sooo much for this!!! I can totally relate with all 3 fantasy's I've defo had them all and often! My wardrobe is a testament to them, although I think I'm finally getting there, most of the time, reminding myself that I really don't look like a 6 foot model (never did and never will!) also just gotta look in the mirror (that really does work!). I still do occasionally buy the snazzy top that just sits in my wardrobe never quite getting worn, but don't we all .....I do hope its not only me! 😉

[@naomipommerel8415]

You have to wear what you like. Buy things that you like when they're in fashion and keep them. Or find labels that consistently produce what you like. I love categories and can narrow down my likes into equestrian/military, dance, costume, resort and vintage/historical styles. This covers everything I like! I also spent a lot of time in warm weather and then moved to a cold climate so had to adopt some different philosophies!

[@BexPunkQ]

This is the first of your videos I've seen, and your message resonates so well with me. Wonderfully said, wonderful examples, and makes total sense. I've subscribed! Off to watch more of your content!

[@stephaniekerslake725]

Slowly changing my wardrobe to align to my current life stage and this was a perfect reminder of the 'lifestyle fantasy' mindset!

[@kimberlyoldschool]

The Lifestyle one is really scorching me, because my lifestyle changed quite a bit post-shutdown. I actually needed a ton of business formal and black tie/cocktail clothing and high heels for 25 years; now, I need mostly nice and age-appropriate casual clothing. I had almost none to start with in 2020, and I’ve made many mistakes since then trying to figure out what my casual style actually is. I agree the cashmere and jewelry approach is a good way to go about it.

[@habituscraeft]

I tried very hard to be realistic about what my lifestyle looked like, for my maternity wardrobe, and then we started going to the symphony on a regular basis! 🙃 Still haven't rectified that gap, because of a bias that it seems 'silly' to get a nice dress that I won't be able to wear again, after - yet here I am, going fancy places without a single evening-type dress.

[@jessieb9811]

This has been a much needed calibration

[@missmayflower]

It is always the clothes! Everyone needs to absorb that concept.

[@kristelllo]

I so appreciate your videos, this one in particular - an honest and direct approach to the body image fantasy that I have been in the process of coming to terms with myself! I hadn't thought about that subconsciously I have thought that clothes tall women wear will make me look taller too and so often disappointed that the clothes I want to wear do not work on me (5'3" and busty). Thanks :)

[@mgparis]

You are the voice of reason! I'm so glad I've found your channel, which I'll be binge-watching :)

[@mintywatkins7659]

What a refreshing vlog, can't thank you enough, I'm 'guilty' of all those shopping fantasies & now at age 59, I'm just beginning to style myself more realistically and I'm loving it, at last I'm very happy with how I'm looking. I'm now a subscriber! ❤

[@velvetvert9431]

Oh boy, I was really excited that you weren't mentioning body shape, because that is honestly all I ever hear about in the style world. Oh. Well.

[@LythaWausW]

There was a show called What Not To Wear and almost 100% of their episodes were about getting people out of leisurewear. So no more jeans and tshirts, everyone had to wear a shirt with a jacket over it and some accessories. This layered look is what you are advising people as well, and it's true, it looks great and hides flaws. My problem is I'm too hot all the time to wear more than one shirt. I cannot even wear hoodies (and they are flattering on everyone) and I haven't worn a sweater/knits since my childhood. Your images of people wearing light jackets over hoodies was shocking for me, how cold are these people? How much suffering did the cast of Big Bang Theory endure on a hot stage wearing 2, 3, or even 4 layers of clothes per actor? *lol* (They looked great though!)

[@jgalt5002]

Just bought a pretty dress I been eyeing . I don’t dress up often but it’s nice to have something special for the holidays etc. but I get it I have so many blazer I no longer wear

[@ltvanburen8555]

Where have you been all my life! This is the channel I have been looking for!

[@marianne8352]

Just found your channel. I am exactly the same height as you and have a very similar body shape. I always struggle to find outfits that I like on my body, so it’s great to get some new ideas and inspiration from someone who looks gorgeous and has a body like mine!!

[@supermariotoad6519]

This blue shirt suits you so fantastically, love it!

[@mele9952]

What an informative video, thank you! Also I love your blue shirt❤

[@debbiedaniel9774]

Refreshing, insightful video! Thank you!

[@susanreid966]

Excellent well thought out video, thank you ☺️

[@Tvaleriya]

excellent video with excellent points!!!

[@deedsh6280]

Just found you, and have subscribed. Just loved how you approached these pitfalls, and emphasized confidence.......great content!

[@dannaleff6746]

I’m very glad to have found your channel. I am the same height/ size and body type as you. I look forward to gaining knowledge about style for my body!

[@deannalatorre4772]

I have fallen into each category at one time or another. Thank you for making it so clear to me. I will keep this in the back of my mind when shopping. Thanks again.

[@jessguilford4207]

Great tips, I hadn't ever thought to add jewelry to more athleisure-type outfits. Also I love the outfit you're wearing in this video, the blue/purple top looks amazing on you.

[@irnalonso]

It's first time I watched you and I LOVE your views. Also my body it is quite similar to yours and I feel I can learn a lot from you!

[@jlanvers]

First time here, I liked listening to your opinions. You created good quality advice : )

[@elledenise5103]

Love your perspective ❤

[@charlottehogberg9855]

My imaginary lifestyle is staying on a yacht in the Riviera. I have so many silk kimonos and high heeled gold sandals. In fact I never go abroad and mainly stay in the country house and walk the dog! 😂😂😂

[@TrishONeillStyle]

🤣 brilliant 😂

[@havana2banana]

Sandals! I live in Scotland but all last summer I wore shorts and sandals. They are hiking sandals and great for dog walking. When the shorts were in the wash I wore a denim skirt. Good information about the designer hand bags.

[@rahrahnanya]

Just found your channel and have been really enjoying your videos. I'm petite and curvy too and love French style so your tips are very useful :)

[@catherinetallu2835]

Thank you Trish for this very interesting video !

[@TrishONeillStyle]

Thanks for watching!

[@littlemisslndyvidual78]

Thank You for sharing this knowledge ❤ it's very useful

[@TrishONeillStyle]

Thank you 🌸

[@happytofu5]

Its so hard to ditch the bodytype fantasy, when we have so few fashion rolemodels to look at. I know the rules and all that stuff, but sometimes I just want to look at someone's outfit and copy it without making it a science project first.

[@margarethubbard1173]

OMG! #3!!! It is the difference between aspirational self and true self...

[@MrPuccatchan]

Hey! This was so helpfull!!! I always fall for those fantasies! And grl, you did it! You passed 5.000 congrats

[@TrishONeillStyle]

My goal was for 4000! So I’m thrilled with all the support everyone has shown. You are all the best online community a girl could wish for 🥰

[@tiffystrangebirdbrown6844]

My suggestion is twofold. Ive always heard to dress from the ground up, shoes make the outfit. And it works best to choose one flashy piece and compliment with simpler pieces, with little pops of interest and good stitching.

[@karencomerford4433]

I love the thought that you put into your videos, I always find them interesting and thought provoking and also helpful. Thank you Trish!

[@TrishONeillStyle]

Thank you so much, Karen! ❤️

[@NorahGaughan]

While overcoming the body fantasy over the years (I am 5’0” tall and have been anywhere from Size 10-16), I find it a huge challenge to avoid the lifestyle fantasy. When I find something I look and feel great in, its hard to evaluate whether it will fit in with my lifestyle. Sigh…

[@irnalonso]

My compromise is to look for a balance: I may have bought a waistcoat just because I wanted one, but I made sure I can mix it with my jeans and a simple white t--shirt to pick up the children after school. Very casual attire is not for me

[@gayprendergast7102]

Great video...just found U. I make clothes slowly ...love fabrics. So true about your 3rd fantasy

[@emmy8526]

Congrats on reaching your subscriber goal!

[@GKA-5678]

You really look awesome in all your outfits 👌

[@ellybea68]

Well said!

[@AnnekeOosterink]

I don''t know if I would call it a fantasy, but I did feel a lot of pressure to wear things that were in fashion when I was around 20. Maybe the "I need to be up do date on fashion trends" fantasy? Colours that didn't suit me, but were in style, and available at the time, trousers that were not comfortable or did not look good on me, but were the ones available etc. I've since learned what I feel good in, what I think looks good on me, and which colours I prefer to wear and on what items. I know that I love greens and blues, and look good in them, and feel good in them. I know that browns and tans don't often look good on me. I know that I don't like greys and blacks a lot, so I tend to avoid those, unless it's a basic item like a grey pair of jeans or something black for a funeral. I do own one black dress, I just barely wear it. It can be very difficult to find things that suit you rather than what's in style right now. Especially if what you like or what suits you is the opposite of fashionable at the moment. I have also learned to really scrutinise or just ignore a lot of advice aimed at plussize/curvy/whichever-term-they-use women. A lot of the time the advice is made with current fashion trends in mind. Which is great if you want to wear the things that are on trend right now, but not really helpful if you're looking for something that works with your personal style. I remember a lot of advice in my teens, to wear wide legged and flared pants and jeans, and a figure hugging top tucked in for example, or to wear a body hugging skirt with a high waist and a loose blouse tucked in. Both of these styles concealed my waist in different ways; the trousers were too short on me, so the waists sat lower than my natural waist, and the loose blouses fell from my breasts hiding my waist onto my hips. So both of these styles made me look boxier than I was. This was not my aim, so I ended up making (or modifying) a lot of my own clothes to suit my body type, because the things I wanted weren't available. The wide circle skirts with high waists and body hugging shirts tucked in I wear now show my waist, and the tighter tops mean they don't fall straight down from my breasts, but hug my waist.

[@atuendoantiguo7328]

Loved the video!!!

[@dawnversationspodcast444]

Hello! We are the same height and I think the same size and I loved this video! The last category was my message I needed to hear the most today. Followed by the first message. I need to be more realistic of my lifestyle and not so critical of my body. Thank you for this!! Subscribed!

[@alexandrasmith7682]

One of the biggest fantasies I regularly see is the assumption that very slim women have that they can wear anything ..... So you see women with thick waists wearing cropped items, or short skirts with thin shapeless legs. My own biggest fantasy and that of some other women? We had mothers who dressed so Society classical that they looked 80 when they were 50. At 30, you end up looking 50 ..... At, 50 you look 70 ..... It is something that I have to fight every time I see something that I am considering buying ..... Am I buying for my age?

[@pamelabrammer6929]

Just found your channel and found it very informative as i am 5ft and curvy myself❤❤

[@TrishONeillStyle]

Welcome ❤️

[@clarezimberlin8729]

Hi Trish. Just discovered your channel. At 66, a big clothing/fashion fan and not wearing many of those since the pandemic... This has been a timely educational find for me. That Lily Silk blouse is lovely but I wonder if it would suit your beautiful, Snow White skin tone, colouring. Thanks for the thoughtful content & comments. Subscribing today.

[@AudJane23]

Your color palette is that of Snow White I love that look on you ! ❤

[@starnejme6902]

Excellent

[@beatricevancroonenborg9465]

I’ve never understood the mindset of the runway, ie. tall and skinny models. If they want to sell to the realistic market of all ages and proportions, then represent us! We’re the ones with the money.