The 6 stages of discovering your trans identity

[@Friday_The_Thirteenth]

I know I don’t want to be a boy and I can’t vision myself as a boy but I’m not a girl either. I don’t know at this point.

[@AshleyxAdamson]

That’s OK to be confused the first step is really just to identify that you’re no longer what you were assigned at birth. Then you can figure things out. I was non-binary for several years. I have a bunch of videos on this if you need help.

[@Friday_The_Thirteenth]

@@AshleyxAdamson Okay this helped me a lot since I can’t talk to anyone about it and my sister doesn’t help. (She’s the only one who knows) thank you I will check out your other videos! Bless you! ❤️

[@Friday_The_Thirteenth]

@@AshleyxAdamson A little update and I’m very sure I’m non binary and bisexual but I only found this out in a month and I don’t feel valid because of that short period of time. I don’t know how to tell myself I am valid

[@AshleyxAdamson]

@@Friday_The_Thirteenth You’re as valid as you want to be. There’s no one that needs to validate you except yourself. I understand the self-doubt in feeling like maybe it should take a long time or that may be your own uncertainty about your own identity doesn’t validate you. But if you know that you’re not CIS then that’s a start. Think of it like wearing a hat, you’re wearing a non-binary hat and it’s an experiment. Just keep wearing that non-binary hat as your experiment and see if things change. If things don’t change then great you can stay non-binary but if things do change it’s OK. You’re just trying to be yourself. So be it! That’s life.

[@Friday_The_Thirteenth]

@@AshleyxAdamson Thank you so much! ❤️

[@secretlysanesparrow1152]

When I’m not having dysphoria, instead of feeling comforted by it being gone, I berate myself for not being valid because I don’t feel uncomfortable in my own body...

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Oh the irony! You're valid if you feel good in your body that’s even better! It’s confusing because then you think you’re perhaps not transgender if you feel OK in your body. But that’s the thing! It’s fine to feel OK in your body in fact it’s more than OK it’s preferred! That doesn’t mean you’re not transgender though.

[@braydenweaver7501]

Omg I feel that, I've been stuck in stage 2 for quite a while now for that exact reason. When I don't hate every little thing about myself every time look in the mirror I assume that I'm just more of a feminine boy even though I know I would never be happy just living as a boy who likes to present more feminine because deep down I know that's not who I am. And there's nothing wrong with being confused or unsure about my identity cause I'm still figuring myself out and that's ok:)

[@jaydewolf586]

@@braydenweaver7501 I relate to this so hard, but from an AFAB perspective

[@bperez8656]

I definitely have this problem where I am comfortable being a hot boy, which I feel I am. But I don’t feel at home… I know I’d be more at peace with myself as a hot girl 😓

[@JohnDeBrazen]

I was very lonely in my teenage years and 20s. I’m working up to coming out without transitioning now at 27. I think I would have worked it out sooner if I was more socially ept and wasn’t dealing with other issues of denial. It wasn’t until I was 14/15 that I really started to understand that it’s ok to be gay and I don’t think I truly understood what it means to be trans until I was an adult.

[@CadenceOfLife]

I really needed to hear this right now. Thank you so much for sharing.

[@AshleyxAdamson]

oddlyk1 Oh yay I’m so glad! Thank you for watching and leaving a comment and I’m glad that it helped you :-)

[@Evie_Michelle]

Omg I've been in the non binary stage all year. Thank you so much for letting me know it's ok for me to move out of that stage and embrace I'm a trans woman now. 🤗

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Ya!!!!! It's a weird feeling to grapple with for sure. It's totally fine and a really good approach as you get to feel everything out more iteratively than in one big jump

[@missiamtwinkles0169]

Eve you are so beautifullllll 💖

[@alexisvan222]

Same could be true here. Non-binary isn't enough for me.

[@BerserkerTwo]

I don't remember asking you to call me out this hard. It was almost alarming how accurate this was for my experience. I have my consult to begin hrt this month after going back and forth for what felt like ages and as nervous as I feel sometimes. It's offset by this.. almost profound sense of rightness.

[@RH-th1zu]

Funny u say that bc I was thinking the exact same thing

[@francescajensen7733]

Hi Ashley! I loved your presentation of discovering you're trans. I've watched a few people go through these stages. As I explained before, my experience is very different and, while I may feel like a fool for hiding so long, I never experienced these steps. I can point to a specific memory from before I was three in which my knowledge that I was really a girl was a factor, but I have memories that predate this by about a year that would indicate I already knew. I have no memory of an aha moment - If there was one, it's gone. There is, however, room for a possible conflict over the matter when I was a year old (someday I'll tell you how I learned to read by 1½). The one thing that I wish was clear to everyone is that no one chooses to be trans. People who are trans were always trans but realization could come at anytime in life, or maybe never. The choice is whether to transition or not. Lots of people choose not to transition for an infinite number or reasons and they are no less trans. The choice is to live as your true self or not. To be clear, trans men, trans women, and trans enbys are what they are, there is no choice - It's who you are at your core. You can choose to live up to expectations of other or live as your true self, or even find an acceptable compromise. You are what you are - there is nothing that can change that. It is what it is.

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Francesca this is a prolific post! And so inspirational. I'm glad to hear that you had a different experience, I wasn't sure how many people had a similar experience to mine which sounds like there's a bunch but I was wondering who out there had a different one. Your example is one that I believe also happened to me on some other level. Like you said You can just know. I think I also just knew at an early age but I wasn't able to processor understood what it meant to her how it was. Yeah no one chooses to be trans, but they do choose is how to respond to that knowledge. Because if it was possible to choose if you were trans I think most if not everyone will choose not to be trans Because it's a lot of work! And if you can avoid it that's great! However, I wouldn't trade my life now with having a CIS life because I'm so happy now and the transition has taught me so much about myself and the transformation. I love to hear from you as always thank you for sharing your story my dear. Maybe I'll see you in the next episode! Also if you have topics to suggest please let me know!!! I wont see a reply, but if you post a new comment I get the notification ;) 🌹

[@kevingarrison3678]

Say it again for the folks in the back 🗣️🗣️🗣️👏👏👏👏

[@SunIsLost]

Yea!

[@super_notboring2634]

I know she's a trans woman but as a trans guy I also went through these stages just kinda like reverse though as in ....guy MAN!

[@AshleyxAdamson]

THATS SUPER VALIDATING to hear because the theory sticks!

[@the_alien_1239]

That’s awesome!!!!

[@kuyaroonline]

Me too!

[@AYNitaj]

Thank you for this! I was assigned female at birth and I think I'm done with the denial stage... I've always seen a boy in the mirror but it felt impossible to "let him live outside", if you know what I mean... so I tried embracing "my womanhood" and lived as a gay girl for 5-6 years, trying to love my body and the way other women would see it and feel attracted to it... I actually had fun and I'm glad I got to live this life for a while but I had a breakdown during quarantine, and I started questionning my gender again. "Why couldn't I live my life as I would like to?" "It's not fair that everyone gets to live with a gender that they feel at home with and not me!" So now I'm experimenting with he/him pronouns and calling myself a different name, and it really feels like I'm meeting the boy I've always seen in the mirror... And it's also really weird and unconfortable because I don't pass and I know my family will never understand, and also because maybe I'm not a lesbian anymore, and that community has been my home... Huuuuh life is such a funny journey right! Anyways, I think we're all beautiful and brave and that we are people who want to live in the truth, and that we deserve happiness! We're awesome!

[@AshleyxAdamson]

What a lovely and beautiful message! I’m glad to hear that you’re finally taking steps that are opening you up to the new you that you can be. It’s a beautiful blossoming and a moment to cherish! I hope that you can take some time to reflect and write down in your journal as he goes through this transformation, it’s a wonderful journey and I hope to be able to help in whatever way I can on your path. If you ever want to ask a question feel free to write me a comment in a video requesting a topic. Always open to them!

[@salsabilmazumder6546]

hey man, im exactly like you.

[@seraphinaolivia3816]

That’s a great video Ashley. For years, decades even, I’d assumed that my desire to dress up in secret was a fetish. I think I’m early in stage 6 xx

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Seraphina Olivia Wow that’s so nuts! It’s stuns me how there’s so much overlap in our experiences that seem so unique. Really glad to hear that you’re approaching the most important in the most amazing stage.

[@RH-th1zu]

I always thought my desire to dress up as a girl was a fetish too, but it felt like there was always something more to it that I wasn’t addressing, it wasn’t until I watched this video that I realized I’m probably trans because our experiences are almost identical

[@Resonance1010]

I find it hard to know if I'm trans. I remember at 9 saying to a neighbour that I wished I was a girl. I also crossdressed throughout my teens, plus fantasised about being a woman. Recently I started crossdressing again and even confessed to my partner that I think I'm a woman (backpeddled and said my general identity is brittle). Yet unsure if I have really experienced dysphoria? I know I have felt socially incongruent but not necessarily physically incongruent. Just feel like an absolute mess. I did ask the miracle question and answered that I would be born a girl if I born again but still just have no idea where I sit. I wonder is it internalised phobia and fear? I keep watching videos like this but still cant get a clear picture...

[@theshortestcharles6886]

I think I've experienced the first four stages in the last 2 weeks...

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Wow that was fast!!!

[@terrasinema8500]

My god I think I had mine in basically 1 month I wondered if I was weird.

[@abracadabra2395]

This is it! Yes! I'm currently battling inner transphobia. Funnily enough, I don't struggle with this for others and regularly help people accept themselves. Its wild how deep and sneaky these beliefs are. This would have been real helpful to learn about in grad school, alongside racial identity. Did you come up with this? Are you a sociologist or therapist or just friggin' brilliant? This is a dissertation waiting to happen! Unlike the signs we were taught to look out for ("cross" behaviors- dress, play, etc) based solely on gender norms, and this actually makes sense!

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Thank you for the high praise Abra! Oh my gosh! I just came up with this on the spot. I just reflected on my own journey what happened, pattern matched and then distilled it into these main points. The crazy part is that SO many people relate to it. It's not just my own personal process after all!! 💕

[@Captainval28]

I’m glad i subscribed to your channel you both inspiring and beautiful but I wish your inspiring quality’s made me courageous anough to become a women

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Connor Valentine hi! So nice to hear from you! go watch my tea series episode 03 is it too late to transition? That might inspire you even if you don't think it's too late!

[@BrendanTripp]

Ashley ... the "wandering around in interesting places" format is so cool!

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Thanks!

[@mikaelaswanson5014]

Wow totally agree I feel your telling my life story, It was so hard to make the decision to trust myself with all the adversity and public pressure, back before hrt it was like I was kinda almost my own worst enemy at times. but I was never allowed the space and time to discover who I really was I only done this in private. But now Im out in spotlight and it feels good, but it is full on and scary at times.. I deal with it as Im only being me at the end of the day and thats all we ask to just be ourselves :) thanks for this video!

[@AshleyxAdamson]

What a wonderful little story to share! I’m glad that you’ve been able to step out into your truth now! But yeah it does take a lot of getting used to and that doesn’t stop you from the internal fight that you have to work through. Glad the video was helpful!

[@Luna11280]

I think I'm at objections right now. You described my entire journey up to this point basically exactly how it was for me

[@thesamsquatch2704]

My egg cracked almost a year ago, last August, and honestly while I’ve accepted that who I am doesn’t fully align with my AGAB, I’m still in a weird place where I can fluctuate between every single one of these stages, sometimes even several times a day. It’s so hard to know for sure if my life would actually be improved by transitioning…it seems like thanks to our heteronormative and transphobic society it would only get worse…

[@lillianroux2747]

When I turned 7 years I yearned to wear my little friends dresses. Of course as I was growing up I had no one to share my feelings with. Then 3yrs ago I actually spoke to a doctor and that’s when I knew I wasn’t crazy. Emotions set in and sobbed because of all those waisted years. I feel much better now going forward as my true self, I am a transgender woman and I love myself 💕

[@jacobconrad4067]

I'm slowly entertaining the idea I might be trans and I'm TERRIFIED

[@iamsensored7461]

These videos are legitimately the most helpful thing about transitioning I've found I didn't figure this all out till I was so set in my masc ways and I'm grateful I learned a lot of beneficial things as a "man" but I realize my biggest unhappiness is with my gender and identity and every single step you laid out has basically completely described my daily qualms and confusions Thank you so much for making this short for affirmational content 🖤 you're amazing and I appreciate this so much

[@laelioeler]

I'm in stage 4 and also dealing with my inner transphobia. I don't want to be trans, I've suffered so much to be the gay man I am now, and thinking about coming out again feels so exhausting... I'm lost in myself trying to figure out who or what the fuck I am. Thank you so much for sharing your experience!

[@krugos1978]

You're such a good communicator, Ashley, great video as always! Also great job with the edition. Thanks for sharing! :) Budapest looks like a lovely city, I hope you had a great time when you visited it.

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Hi! It's nice to see you today :-) thank you so much I am working on my communication skills! I want to be a big speaker one day! So practicing with the teatime is really helping me get better! It is a beautiful city, but there wasn't much to do because of Covid. Hopefully that'll change as we get a vaccine and such!

[@AshleyxAdamson]

also, lovely to see you as always :)

[@suzyjohnson4667]

I never could have imagined that I would myself feel/experience inner Transphobia. The more I think about it I realize I'm basically at that stage, however I feel the inevitable of acceptance will happen as there is no other chance of a choice. Well done Ashley, a short breakdown and to the point. ❤ Bree

[@SnackMuay]

This is exactly what I went through/am going through! This would’ve been so helpful to my egg self. I’m currently on the “getting over internalized transphobia” stage

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Oh I know that stage! It takes quite some time!

[@sdotmoney2]

This video made me cry. Sometimes your videos are just what I needed on that given day. You are such a strong woman. I don’t how you do it. ❤️

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Ano! Wow thank you my love! I'm glad I can be there for you!

[@megansmith8788]

I enjoy so much your depth of understanding and manner of communicating your thoughts and reflections. Please continue, I have no doubt that you are reaching people in our community that others do not resonate so well with. Peace and joy to you sister.

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Ahhh thank you Megan! I love the positive encouragement! It really is needed to feel like I can keep doing it, it's a lot of work. But i'm so happy to be doing it. I love your comments btw, it always makes me smile! :)

[@LunaJade]

I personally never experienced curiosity as part of my transition. When I first had came out as ‘having dysphoria’ to friends they had prodded me about whether I was interested in ‘dressing up.’ Which I wasn’t at all because I’m not a very feminine woman and I was never comfortable in those sorts of ‘dress up’ styles. They made me feel more inauthentic or like a gay man doing drag, which I’m not, making the idea more dysphoria inducing. They also made me draw attention to how masculine my body was, when all I wanted to do was not perceive the very body that distressed me so much. Being on hrt now I’m find comfort in the occasional femme item of dress, but before I always kept to women/unisex t shirt and jeans.

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Interesting story! Thank you sharing a different perspective Luna :)

[@Susanmugen]

Stage 7: pride. "Hell yeah I'm trans and I'm hot 🔥. Life is sweet! Why didn't I transition sooner? If only I had heard the word at a younger age. Stage 8: normalcy; "No dude, trans people aren't like you say. I've known SO many trans people. Like a lot, and I'm sure any one of them could tell you they don't think that thing you said is true. Oh how do I know? I just remembered, I'm actually totally trans myself! I can speak from personal experience and that thing you said is bull crap. Sorry, I forgot I was trans because it just doesn't come up very often since transition was so long ago." Stage 9: old age, "hey young whipper-snapper trans youth, I may not be hip with the lingo of the trans youth, but I've lived as a GG for a long time and remember the hrt to the RLT to the SRS to the what comes next.... And that aspect of queer history y'all just referenced was inaccurate. I was there! Back in my day...." Stage 10: ??????? I don't know, but Robina Asti is my new transition goals. Here we go again! 😅

[@thewolfofmanyfaces2359]

I-...thank you so much

[@AshleyxAdamson]

You're welcome 😊

[@arandomgamer5986]

I literly literly went "Hey that's where i am" on stage 4

[@horsermchead2504]

I keep seriously thinking things like “I’m still cis though” and the more and more I see things like this from trans people sharing their experiences the more I realize the more and more I am truly trans as I have experienced all of these….

[@horsermchead2504]

Accept I never really felt inner transphobia

[@horsermchead2504]

This was because I never really connected the dots as this meant I was trans. I looked at it soley as this was how I acted but not who I was so I guess I didn’t really feel that way because of that.

[@averyswife5568]

Nooooo stop it ur reading my mind im gonna cryyyyy, but really thank you i was really panicking when i looked for a video like this love you and have a niceee day 😁

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Oh my god that’s amazing! Isn’t it weird how we can have such similarities even though we have such unique experiences? Really glad this video could be helpful for you!

[@GlitzPixie]

I actually started to realize I was trans BECAUSE I started recognizing how much internalized misogyny/transphobia I had and deconstructing just a bit of it started to have an avalanche effect

[@rfeyman3682]

OMG I wish my progression was this simple but I went back and forth. Worse yet, I now realized the the ONLY reason I had doubt was because I was internalizing other's b.s. Ever since I was a kid I got shamed for being feminine but as soon as I came out as transgender, somehow overnight I was the manliest person on planet Earth. Well except for the religious woman who didn't realize our company had two transgender individuals, one MTF and one FTM. She said she supported me but worried that I would have trouble passing for male with my thin fingers, narrow shoulders, and wide hips. I looked in my full length mirror and wondered how I had missed these traits. Later I would find out that I am actually intersex.

[@leonorabrandscheit]

actually detransitioned because of the denial phase which took 1 and a half year and now i'm going to take testosteron again. this video helps with selfreflection, but i don't think that their is a specific way of finding out you are trans :) but many think that they are non binary at first

[@AshleyxAdamson]

its journey! Denial is the biggest hump i think

[@yagalamaga]

I’m stuck on objection/transphobia. Can’t get pass that. I think the environment has a crucial role in accepting oneself and most places I’ve been to are too repressive socially and have no support or therapy. I actually thought about moving to San Francisco bearing your experience, or maybe I could find myself also in Europe? I’m not sure what’s more doable, for now I’m really dying inside and outside I don’t have any money. I need to build myself from zero in a world that seems to collapse. It makes everything much more difficult, and the transition almost a minor problem comparing to the life that I don’t have, but emotionally it’s my biggest and most urgent situation. I’m on and off of hormones for more than a year now, with almost no visible effects, because I can’t take them continuously, just fucked my health. I could use a doctor but that a privilege not everyone has. (I’m in Italy it’s a fucked up country I don’t recommend transitioning here).

[@osvich84]

Thank you for this video. It's so helpful for me right now! I'm at the beginning of my journey...and i can recognize every step that you described... someone belongs to the past, others are the present...I think I'm in the 4/5 step 😅 but I don't think is strictly divided sometimes. It's so difficult to accept myself cause I really hate my body, my voice and also my way to move my body... everything is so masculine...and I AM a woman! But knowing is not about sexual fetish or something like that, but is a feeling that is my personality, my real being, is a freedom sensation. So thank you cause knowing that I'm not alone is so important for me, cause sometimes I feel so negative about my journey to became myself or what I really am.

[@Transgirlpride]

This outlined my transition perfectly. It’s still nice and validating when you hear other trans women sharing similar experiences, even three years into my transition. Thank you 😊

[@mx.lucyfur]

I know this is two years late, but I wanted to drop this comment in case others come across this video in their quest for answers and look through the comments. The part that struck me was that it took a couple of years **after** hormones to move into a space of acceptance. I've been struggling with how to find acceptance to then justify trying HRT, but it may not begin to settle in until later. Like another commenter, I would identify more as trans-feminine yet not necessarily a "trans woman." Still a lot of space to explore and I may be fluid enough that I never settle in just one place. But... to my original point, acceptance need not precede HRT. It may come later after the changes of HRT are starting to be noticeable. And the beauty of HRT is it can always be stopped if it just doesn't feel right.

[@ashvanes484]

Hm; went through 1-4 as a kid, early. stayed in 4 for 4 decades. 5 last few years, just now taking movement to 6. fun times.

[@saraannefay2196]

Budapest eh? I read a book by a well known feminist Pulitzer Prize winning author, Susan Faludi, that was set in Budapest. Before reading that book, I didn’t know they were twin cities. it’s a true story. The book is titled, “In the Dark Room”. Her dad was a photo journalist in the days of film. It’s a story about her reconnecting with him/her, after many years of estrangement. Her father (currently living in Budapest) reaches out to her to out himself as trans. He’s fully transitioned to a woman and now wishes to have a relationship with his daughter. It’s a wonderful story and beautifully told.

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Woah! What a twist! I love that to be related to Budapest what a concept. Lovely to see you here Sara!

[@lennymclean.]

What if being trans describes a state of profound denial around your sex and gender? This is what I've always thought about trans people, that they've embraced a state of denial and are actively making physical and hormonal changes to reduce the congnative dissonance associated with saying you're one thing when you're the other...

[@Scifi4life]

Wow! Thanks for showing us the city. It's beautiful just like you.

[@Nelsea7190]

i might be somewhere in late stage 3 or early stage 4. still very unsure of it. already had curiosity stage long ago that has really simmered for a long time without any sort of progression. the nuances of identity and dysphoria are hard to tell apart if you dont really feel much anxiety about the body/mind. i dont hate my body (its my body duh) though i do feel like if it was different then it would be nice if it actually was. still too early to really come to any clear conclusion. only started wearing a new wardrobe while at home in 2022. skirts are nice to wear and i will go outside wearing a skirt when i can as of lately. wont really present as female when doing so, just another man going against what was once the popular train of thought for clothing for men or women. if it ever does progress more, there will be discomfort in relating to people ive known my whole life and all that jazz (just thinking about it is actually real in a passing thought), work and the potential physical strength left over if i continue with my current occupation. it does require some decent strength to say the least.

[@alexdv9963]

I'm at stage 5 i'm ashamed to say this but I'm transhphobic af I hope I will overcome this soon (also I have found my female name aka real name) and I'm trying by watching trans youtubers video etc.Thank you for the video you opened my eyes

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Congrats on finding the name! Yeah the more you commit to your feminine self more you’ll be able to move through it. I have a meditation but I am working on a guy to get out of release over the next month if you subscribe to my newsletter. Which I think I have a link to in my description of videos.

[@JohnDeBrazen]

I think this is good in the way that you say you were in a way happy as you were, you hear a lot of stories about people struggling from an early age and I don’t think it’s like that for everyone, especially those who come out at a later age. I’m thinking that it may well be possible that I am trans, or non-binary with a strong feminine tendency at the age of 27. I didn’t piece it all together until recently. In large institutional environments such as school I struggled. I had a long period of trying to find work and doing a lot of work to distract me. I’m at Uni now and I’ve been struggling again, the interactions make me feel like I’m not treated as I want to be treated and I understand that now as I’m older and more aware of things.

[@timtaylor4278]

I see this video is ~2 years old... but thank you so much. This was very inspiring.

[@stephanierussell7256]

It sucks dealing with this, i feel like ive deceived everyone around me living a lie and really putting a front on as a alpha man and always challenging, it cost me so much, realashonships with some really cool and down chics while really i constantly thought about how lucky they were especielly during sex or if we went out and they dressed up in something nice, i would take sick days at work while no ones home just so i can let her out, i got lucky and have small feet (penis too lol) so wearing there heels always worked on me, im single now and own all my own stuff but still living a closet life, the first time i dressed was age 4 and i got caught, my dad did all he could to teach me it was wrong, now im damn near 40 with kids and want to start living an authentic fem life openly but am scared, i isolate alot to live this way so no one sees. Im a joke and hate myself!!! Really

[@jachii196]

I think i just got stuck in stage 4 and i don’t know where to go from there, like a really big part of me wants to be a girl i want to feel like a girl, but then my brain is like: you sure? And that just destroys everything and go into a bunch of thoughts about myself and when i get to the thought that i might not be trans i just get extremely sad at the fact that I’m not trans, I really need someone in my life that personally knows me to talk about this but telling them that i might be trans is the scariest thing ever, like i don’t want to ruin my relationship with my mom or my brother which they are the two persons i trust the most and i love the most, and our relationship being ruined by being trans would be the worst. :(

[@Elena_7839]

Every single stage you mentioned fits me to a tee. At one point in my life I thought I was a trans woman. But I eventually moved away from it, thinking I was making it up in my mind. Now I've come back into the LGBTQ world after figuring out that I'm Asexual. Its lead me to try and figure out my gender identity. I've played around with being a demigirl, transfem or a paragirl. But you're video is sort of hitting home on the fact that I'm likely a trans women in denial with hidden transphobia towards myself (I love other trans people but I just have this weird thing about me being a trans women). I'll have to really think about this and figure things out. But thank you for making this video. I know I'm like 2 years late in commenting but I feel I needed to say this to someone.

[@SunIsLost]

You are valid :)

[@andrya20]

I am a cis male and wanted to be always as a women like having their body and wearing their dress , it started from the age of 12 itself , at age of 19 like something gender dysphoria went into a peak level and wanted to leave my house , but i can't due to covid 19 , now at the age of 21 gender dysphoria came again to a peak level and i was in so much stress that i wanted to Suicide , later dropped that idea , parents took me to hospital and doctor gave me some Medicines , my father, mother and doctor said that being trans is not accepted by society so they say me to stop transition , but still i refer myself as a women and want to transition myself, what to do ?

[@Neimit]

Stage 1 was I guess most of my life, 2... probably a couple of years, always discarding any thought of that, considering it stupid... and I think I have 3 and 4 at once in the past month or so... like... wanting to experiment, but at the same time fighting it... if that makes sense... while questioning if it's valid or not, or if yes or no... trying to figure out what I want, and if it's truly what I would want... or where exactly into it do I fit, you know?

[@j.r.2184]

Wow, this is very affirming to me. I think I spent 38 years of my life in stages 1 and 2 due to a combination of ignorance and being born and raised in a fundamentalist, high-demand religion. Been out of the religion for two months and in the last three weeks I feel like I've been going through stages 3, 4, and 5 at an alarmingly fast rate. Exciting, but also anxiety-inducing.

[@AshleyxAdamson]

glad to hear it Robyn and great name!

[@ebonyatropus7367]

I kind of cycled through these through years due to self doubt, fear, etc. for YEARS, and I know I came out way later than I should have, but at the same time I'm glad I finally did. It won't be easy, but I'm so happy at least to be here at this point, now both excited and nervous at the same time about that meeting with the endocrinologist and what finally transitioning will be like..... I guess more worried on how that will affect marriage, family relationships, etc. more than anything, but also want to do this more than anything else......

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Well worth worrying about, but ultimately you cannot control their response so much as control what you do in response to their reactions. The control you have is whether or not to follow through on what you already know. You may not of been able to choose if you're trans but you can certaintly choose whether to follow through or not. Take time to reflect and consider the possible steps necessary to find support. If you want you can also check out my book. ashleyxadamson.com/collections/book-entire-program/products/trans-kung-fu-awakening-of-self-acceptance-book?variant=41015437459650

[@ebonyatropus7367]

@@AshleyxAdamson Thank you so much

[@Leonardo-cw1dd]

idk if i went through objections or adherence it started more with curiosity then recently jumping to acceptance

[@netzach21]

I¿m only at the 3rd stage and allreadu indentify completely with your story

[@daviddohanyos3424]

Pov: You click on a vid to watch it and have less disphory and u hear Budapest,and u are like i live here lol.

[@edgonz8603]

You can make yourself believe anything. Don’t fall into the rabbit hole. 😢

[@edgonz8603]

Trans ain’t real.

[@VladaDudak]

Thanks do much. Now I understand it's completely normal what I think and feel.

[@seanhartnett79]

I think maybe I am, maybe I am not. Stage 5. Possibly

[@camade304]

wtf this came up on my recommendations and i’m having a crisis lmao

[@violeine692]

I noticed that your video was on my recommended list. I am glad that I subscribed to your channel.

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Violeine Hi! I’d love to hear that! Thanks for subscribing and I’m glad that you enjoyed the videos :-)

[@moo4416]

I’ve identified as non binary for a while now. Like some people, I was conditioned to do feminine things, wear feminine things, act feminine. When I started to think I was non binary, I had thought maybe I was being stubborn. Maybe I just have some sort of disconnection from my femininity because of how society views women. I liked playing w dolls, doing my hair, painting my nails, dressing up. It was then I started to notice things I didn’t like about my body, I hated my chest, my curves, my soft features. It felt too womanly, it made me feel out of place. I watched this video to try to figure out if I was a trans male/Demiboy. And oh man, the grass is truly greener on the other side. I’m still not sure, because I liked being perceived as a male but I wasn’t too keen on being a male. It begged the question, if people didn’t treat women the way they do now, would I still want to be presented as a man? I didn’t know if it was me experiencing inner misogyny, or if I truly felt safe being perceived male. I always thought, in another life I will be a man, but never, in this life I will transition into a man. Haha, thank you for your video though. It was super informative!

[@dogmunz5415]

I am so in denial and it hits like a truck because at times I realize I am I'm just like: well shit

[@BernieCarpenter]

Hi Ashley. Loved the topic today and what a beautiful backdrop you chose for the video. I was in Budapest last in 1993 in the middle of winter. It was freezing standing in the grounds of the castle and everything was covered in snow. The entire city looked like a faerie tale - especially to someone like me who grew up in Australia and, almost, never saw snow. By the way you look lovely in that dress. It has such a beautiful back and the v neckline is very flattering for you.. Great video. Thanks.

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Thank you so much! You can't see me riding right now but I have the biggest smile! Flattery never gets old! LOL! Wow I would love to see Budapest in the winter it's such a beautiful city, to imagine it covered with snow sounds so romantic! I'm really glad you like the dress too! It is my favorite! Lovely to see you as always. I hope you have a wonderful day!

[@obsidianjane4413]

Its as if there is a script that all trans folk's lives follow. So eerie its almost a cliché.

[@markosla5435]

Thanks for educational video.

[@JoHanna-xt1tx]

As always I like your video :-) I got through all the stages and I'm so glad to see that this seems a reoccuring pattern for other trans ppl too. See you tomorrow :-) P.S.: I never was in Budapest but it seems to be a nice city. But I'm so scared about their anti-trans laws so I'm quite unsure if I would feel comfortable there.

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Hey! I'm glad you enjoyed it! And you've made it through all the stages! Congrats girl! That's a very special thing to achieve and I'm really happy for you. Good job!. It's not bad if you're somewhat passing in Budapest, the city is also much more open then the laws would suggest it's well worth a visit! I have not felt uncomfortable, but then again I think I pass mostly.

[@JoHanna-xt1tx]

@@AshleyxAdamson Thank you. I'm out since a few years now, so it sometimes feels like only a small part of my past. When I look back the most interesting part was to figuring out that the things I had done before were not just fetishes but a way to compensate my real needs and inner self. Re: Budapest and passing: I guess passing is mostly a necessity for safety. This statement can be applied globally I suspect. I don't think I pass that much so I will delay such travel to a time when hormones and FFS helped me with passing.

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Oh ya def! I wear less make up now if at all. My videos i dont wear makeup 50% of the time lol Re: passing yeah it's such a safety thing.

[@zeng58]

You read me like a book lol can’t wait to tell my mom next year on new year told my step dad and my brother

[@nickiiii02]

I’m in the objection stage now and its so hard. It’s like I know Im trans but I’m trying to convince my self it’s not real or I can’t be. It’s holding me back right now from starting HRT even tho I’m very interested. But it’s like I have to do something tho because my sense of self is just deteriorating. My first laser appointment is on March 1 so I’m hoping that will make me feel good enough to make my doctors appointment for HRT

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Good luck with that Nick!

[@geezer4974]

I’m ftm and the video helped. I’m kinda between inner transphobia and acceptance, it’s good to know the thoughts I’m experiencing are normal.

[@SunIsLost]

Yea

[@pink2648]

I always said that I wanted to be a woman and that be a woman is cooler and stuff like that when I was younger, but only in my mind, I have always been afraid of everything so I never talked, I think I might be transgender but I know my family probably wouldn't accept, I think I would be ugly and never look like a woman if I could be Born again and choose i would definitely choose to be a woman... Well maybe I'm getting crazy idk I don't like myself

[@AshleyxAdamson]

This sounds so familiar. :)

[@WORMPRIEST]

This video was one of the biggest wake up calls of my life. Thank you.

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Youre welcome babe!

[@liekkianimaatio3652]

I relate to every step of this so hard. I'm definitely somewhere between Stage 4 and 5 at the moment. I don't hate my body that much, but thinking about living my life as a man forever fills me with sad feelings. I've always felt something was wrong.

[@namenotfound4043]

same, good luck to you on this journey

[@alicenite2471]

I'm actually so happy to know that I'm not alone in this i've been in stage 3 for the past few years now invalidating these feelings, writing them off as just a fetish or way for me to overwrite my life but this helps me so much and validates how I feel. Hopefully soon I can work through my internal objections and move onto finally being who I was all along, Thank You

[@MiaPhoenix]

Wow this really revealed the phases I've experienced to get me where I'm at today. I may go as Mikey right now. Because where I'm at. But know I am going with Mia Jane Phoenix as myself.

[@roxannejoganik3466]

Rich and young I could only dream to be young again

[@Kaipeepy]

Sorry for weird PFP. But this has helped me understand myself thank you so much ❤. I admire you telling all of this to the world in a way that anyone can understand. I am now comfortable as a trans man 😄😁

[@AshleyxAdamson]

OH YAYY! Glad it helped :)

[@Kaipeepy]

@@AshleyxAdamson sorry for late reply but I'm getting a binder in a few weeks so exited and getting a hair cut maybe this week idk yet.

[@karlacarrillo8463]

I have a very masculine body, there is no way i could live as a woman, but recently i cant stop dreaming about it and every day i wake up very sad cause it was a dream, but again there is no way i could live as a woman, what can i do? Only live with it? (English not my native language and just letting out my ftustration)

[@AshleyxAdamson]

You can live with it if you want to! It’s really up to you how you want to. What I found is the more time you spend exploring and understanding who you actually are the further distanced you are from the person that people see you as pretending to be. That pain becomes too much to a point where you might want to transition. But honestly it’s up to you and figuring out what safe and what’s right. I have a video coming out later we’re talks about living without being able to transition

[@kittyprydekissme]

I guess I'm in three and four right now.

[@CarlosEduardo-yo2rz]

That inner transphobia really got me, is really hard fight against my own mind, but i hope one day i'll fully accept myself

[@rowantaylor3344]

What should I do I'm not out all the way I just fully realized I was trans like I had an idea buy it never sunk in where should I start since I live with parents that are transphobic and dysphoria is sucking rn what should I do I kinda need advice since I'm new to this side of the community

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Find an online community to engage with and a local LGBTQ+ community as well.

[@gretehomann7556]

I was very skeptical when I clicked on this video but it actually makes sense and a lot of people seem to experience it the same or in a similar way. I think I might be in the objections stage.

[@AshleyxAdamson]

I'm glad you found it useful!

[@Michael-kg4wp]

How do I get pass the stage of denying my feelings? I've been questioning for about 2 months now & I have similar experiences to a lot of the things you said in the video, (especially thinking life would be better as the opposite gender) but then I deny my feelings when I am also trying to explore them. There's things I will like about my assigned gender but on the same token I constantly am wishing to be the opposite gender & I feel envious of people who are the opposite gender because I want to be like them & not stuck in the current body I'm in. Do you have any advice on how to deal with these feelings?

[@AshleyxAdamson]

I get how you feel! Absolutely I have a lot of answers. The first thing is that what you’re going to need to do is some introspection and understanding your own inner transphobia. I call at the gate keeper because Innoway it functions to hold your feminine aspect back and prevent you from experiencing it because of reasons you will need to find out. I’m actually writing a guide on how to embrace yourself more so if you sign up for my newsletter which I think has a link somewhere in the description you’ll get a notification once I release the guide I think it’ll be really helpful for you!

[@Michael-kg4wp]

@@AshleyxAdamson thank you so much

[@Michael-kg4wp]

@luca roy Coming back to this comment section over a year later & I just wanted to say I am for sure trans lol. Did you ever figure things out as well?

[@terramauthe1521]

I watched this video again, I think for me stage 4 and 5 kind of blurred together! I do think I'm starting to move into stage 6 these days... 💖✨ thanks so much for all your help! I hope you're doing awesome!

[@AshleyxAdamson]

oh yayyy! Thanks Terra, I'm glad you're making great progress. Have you gone outside yet?

[@terramauthe1521]

@@AshleyxAdamson sort of! I present as feminine when I go for drives. Just today I went with some light eye makeup on to the store (wearing androgynous clothes) for the first time 😚 everyone was either completely normal or sooooo niiice 💖✨ I am really encouraged to do more now and I feel a real desire to go out and be seen authentically. I think taking small steps like this has built my confidence to take larger ones! I'm having a hard time overcoming my fear because I have such deep trauma about it; I'm afraid I will have something horrible happen... but taking these small steps has shown me that it absolutely won't happen AND expressing myself authentically is connecting me to my body and my passions in ways I haven't experienced since I was like 10 years old.

[@AshleyxAdamson]

@@terramauthe1521 amazing, baby steps always makes it easier :)

[@michaeldavis6331]

I have alot of self doubt that I can't get over

[@crossdresserburkiniaicha2994]

YOU ARE MY IDOL... THANKS FOR ALL

[@LadyOfTheEdits]

All these stages I went through 😮

[@ELKYO93]

Thank you for this video

[@michelelovetta8803]

Wow that's what i am going through ...

[@davidjacob-angelazrael3915]

Thank you for breaking everything down for others to understand. My mind opened up to excepting Transgenders along time ago, but it wasn't safe to be excepted with a mind like that decades ago. I am happy that the transworld opened up a new world to a bigger brighter future. Thank you for sharing your story Ashley. I respect you for your honesty, and you are very beautiful as who you are🧚‍♂️😊👍👍👍♥️❣️. Don't let anybody get you down, as your amazing!!!🌟🌟🌟

[@namenotfound4043]

well I've been questioning for a really long time now, and after watching this video I realized, holy sh*t I've experienced 4 and a bit of 5 of these stages. something I think that has been really hard for me is that I'm very comfortable with my sexuality, (I'm pansexual) but because of stereotypes surrounding gay/queer men (I'm amab) I feel like I always sort of say to myself no you're not trans, that's just cuz you're a queer man. like the whole sort of gay guy with girl best friend stereotype that I hear people talk about, so even though almost all my friends are girls and I feel like I relate with them a lot more than any of my guy friends I sort of just write it off as my sexuality I guess? idk, it's all very complicated😅

[@AshleyxAdamson]

It is very complicated! But you’ll figure it out.

[@cstrongman]

"Things feel a little off" I can't even describe how accurate that is. Life is _okay_ , but 100%, something is missing...

[@Kuritas]

Make this video like a vlog was cool

[@cid6642]

Thank you for the video. When you started cross-dressing did you ever throw them out thinking you were doing something wrong before accepting you felt you were in right place......

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Yes! Definitely! I didn’t throw them out but I definitely had them and put them away for long periods of time

[@cid6642]

@@AshleyxAdamson thank you for answering so quickly.....I've thrown out and am in major debate buying again...

[@jazzrodgers]

I'd have to say I'm in the internalized transphobia stage right now. I didn't even realize this was something other trans people struggle with until seeing it referenced in a Reddit trans meme last week. I personally struggle with being unsure if my discordant gender identity actually makes me a woman or if this is just a delusion I've created for myself to more easily explain other issues in my life.

[@AshleyxAdamson]

That last part is an important thing to distinguish. Time will help you tell, just keep trying things out and you'll arrive at the truth.

[@presleysmith1331]

Ok so I grew up identifying as female, without question. But after a few years into puberty (like at around 15), I started thinking about how much easier things would be for me if I was a dude, but just brushed it off for a few years (not that the thought ever went away). At 18 I started liking wearing men's clothing and how happy it made me, even if I started out with the pants at the time. At 19 I started questioning myself and realized that maybe I don't identify as female after all. I got myself a short, "androgynous" haircut and it made me feel so much better about myself. I started out identifying as nonbinary before realizing that it doesn't quite fit me. I've started using male pronouns and it's made me feel so much better and happy. Sometimes I question if it is a phase, but at times I feel like I'm certain it's not.

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Your story sounds so familiar

[@presleysmith1331]

@@AshleyxAdamson thanks. That makes me feel so much better 😁

[@emilyblair9147]

My life is falling apart rightnow :( I thought I accepted that I was a woman, but I could be losing my job, my wife does know if she wants to be with me( she doesn't know I might be trans), we have a son. I was so happy when I started to call myself a woman and accept that I was a trans woman...but faced with everything..I have rejected that idea and now I'm more depressed then ever. I know comments are not for posting life issues really:( but I just need help on what that means. Does it mean I'm just scared? Or I'm not really a woman. I've been having these thoughts for over 5 years now

[@AshleyxAdamson]

Hugz!! Are you in therapy? If not please do!

[@emilyblair9147]

@@AshleyxAdamson I can't afford any therapy sadly :( thank you for responding. Most youtubers don't:)

[@crissgiraldo3145]

I am in stage 5 and im scared

[@AshleyxAdamson]

It's scary I know it, but take your time it will be better

[@nikkipatterson8944]

Thanks for this video. I am going through this right now. I have been thinking that I'm transmasc, but I'm always second guessing myself. Oh, you're not really trans. You never felt uncomfortable being called she/her. I never felt like I fit in with girls and women my own age. My friends were always trying to give me makeovers so I looked more feminine. I never really cared for makeup or dresses, but I was like other women don't wear dresses and makeup. I was a tomboy growing up, but I never felt like a complete tomboy because I didn't play sports. I've always had more guy friends. The TV shows I liked as a kid were geared towards boys.