The Abandonment Loop: Why You Push Them Away

Рет қаралды 27,864

Күн бұрын

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In this video we talk about what I call the abandonment loop: the vicious cycle in which the more we try to get people to like us, the more we subtly undermine our own inner authority. This cascades into us both pushing other people away from us (as we no longer have our own authentic energy to attract them) and sabotaging our own inner relationships with ourselves (because we are in a loop of denying our true selves in favor of what other people think)
Let's talk about how this works, why it happens, and what we can do about it!

Пікірлер: 69

@cerico76 2 ай бұрын

I have been dumped after 26 years relationship , four months later , I am working hard on myself to be a better person , for sooo many years I realised I have put my ex , in front of me , and myself in the background , and this is the result. I am trying really bad , I am trying to succeed. Wish me luck , I deserve it!

@DonTrump-sv1si 2 ай бұрын

Heres the magic solution to all your problems. And theres probably a 99.9999% chance you wont listen. But the answer is Semen Retention. Good Luck

@javireyes7333 2 ай бұрын

I am on thé same boat. After 10 years.

@cerico76 2 ай бұрын

@@javireyes7333 is gonna get better brother! Work on yourself let go, we’ll find something better in our future. Love!

@slick_Ric 2 ай бұрын

don't listen to semen master lol Jesus Christ is the real answer, but thank God your life has turned around for the better after such a long time. hope you'll also seek God

@cerico76 2 ай бұрын

@@slick_RicGod doesn’t exists.

2 ай бұрын

I've been hurt and hurt others. I've learned that the personal confidence and independence you maintain, is the key to keeping others interested in you. Every single time I've been dumped or hurt really bad, it was from those women I fell the hardest for. I suspect it's because I made their lives more interesting than mine. And that is a death nail for a relationship. Be your own person, have interesting hobbies, friends and goals. Keep them on their heels and GIVE THEM SPACE.

@Lara-vn3fd 2 ай бұрын

I found, that I usually was always the one being dumped. My relationships were never longer then a few months. Whenever I fell in love deeply, somehow believing this would never end, it did. I lost myself in that fear of abandonment and in that vision of who I was with this person by my side. Never thinking about who I am without them. And this is the energy I probably gave off at some point, which made me push them away unfortunately… thank you for the video. I will try to travel by myself now. It’s something I was always afraid of but there are so many things I wanted to see!

@Ireland2717 2 ай бұрын

I am going to travel alone also. It's something I want to do to heal myself. I have plenty of others to travel with so it's more of a challenge for me than anything.

@Lara-vn3fd 2 ай бұрын

@@Ireland2717 so letzt travel together haha

@luisdiazstudio 2 ай бұрын

Self sabotage is the worst because it keeps you from making decisions that can ultimately help you for the best! Rejecting yourself before someone else does is very sad and frustrating that makes you seem that you will never grow and you will always be isolated.

@all1nerd377 Күн бұрын

You give AMAZING advice HOWEVER it feels like you are doing an impressive of Charisma on Command.

@realizationstation2173 22 күн бұрын

Such a beautifully clear expression, answering many specific questions I asked in today's meditation upon rising! Thank you!

@TheCeri2011 2 ай бұрын

I'm grateful that this video popped up on my feed. You mentioned two things that I've been trying to work through; breaking the cycle from going into the world with a begging cup for validation & approval and instead cultivating it within myself; giving myself permission to "take up space in this world and the right to simply exist. Thank you Andrew for making me feel less like a failed fool & more like someone on an adventure. Great wisdom, great facial expressions & great visual optics💫

@ranjithvallathol 2 ай бұрын

You are one of the most authentic channels when it comes to personal development. Thank you 💜

@lesley-annsimpson8507 2 ай бұрын

You are amazingly good at explaining complex things very simple.

@amnashoaib8048 2 ай бұрын

It's just the way you say it that makes so much impact

@kittykat.88 2 ай бұрын

This video is absolutely incredible! Exactly what I need at the perfect time. I will replay this a lot! Thankyou x a milllion! 💯👏🙏

@younescecchetto7462 2 ай бұрын

Your going to be well known my friend, soon enough keep up the great work !!!

@javireyes7333 2 ай бұрын

No I wanted that man because I deserved him and I knew what he could bring much to my present life and I could add value to his too, as long as we would be able to connect on an emotional level. But true that I do have this abandonment wound, and the dynamic was exactly how you described it.

@jeffvaljean6030 2 ай бұрын

Its tough dealing with this issue i am dealing with it now but i am aware of it and thats the most important step

@nikolashug4619 2 ай бұрын

Needed to hear this right now. Thank you.

@jadegarner2897 28 күн бұрын

Not that you resemble the guy I’m trying to get over 😂, but in all seriousness the advice you gave is accurate.

@emilelawrence1 2 ай бұрын

Truly great information on this channel. Keep it up and success is bound to follow. This channel deserves to be known by many more!

@FlorenceRobbiano 2 ай бұрын

Thank you for the content. What's more, I find the lighting of this video amazing! Would love to know what you use ❤

@andrewvanhoff 2 ай бұрын

You're very welcome! I have a GVM 100W light with a lantern softbox on it for my key light. Sometimes I'll use a few LED panel fill lights too, but I'm pretty sure I only used the one big light for this video.

@TheCeri2011 2 ай бұрын

I was thinking the same thing! The eye loves it!🤩

@rob7k Ай бұрын

Brilliant Video.. one of the best! Congratulations!

@michaeljeacock 2 ай бұрын

I have come to realize that mindset is everything. The important thing to yourself and to people around you is not so much what you are doing, but the mindset behind why you are doing it. For example, when opening a door for someone, the needy person is doing it in the hope of receiving some form of validation from that person, such as a thank you. I have gotten to the point of self-validation where I am doing it with no need for thanks, just as proof to myself of my own goodness. But although this is self-validation, it is still placing a condition on your self-love. So, if (and I admit it is a big if) doing unto others is not truly a selfless act but rather is actually a form of self-preservation, what is the reason you give yourself for why you still do good things from a mindset of unconditional self-love?

@m.s9819 2 ай бұрын

I love your videos! Thank you ❤

@BlakMarshmallow 2 ай бұрын

Thank you so so so so much 🙏🏻🖤

@javireyes7333 2 ай бұрын

No it is not because I did not value myself. I wanted that man because I deserved him and I knew what he could bring much to my present life and I could add value to his too, as long as we would be able to connect on an emotional level. But true that I do have this abandonment wound, and the dynamic was exactly how you described it.

@isosoriharrison9556 Ай бұрын

I realized I had 3 weaknesses: 1. I did not invest enough in myself 2. Too eager to get to know people 3. Did not value myself These reasons are why I think I am rejected because people are not attracted to men who are needing validation instead of just putting up either disrespect.

@andrewvanhoff Ай бұрын

I think the third thing you mention is likely the underlying cause for the other two. People don't tend to value you if you don't even value you, right? I'd say there's really nothing wrong with being eager to get to know people - it's more when that eagerness starts to dominate your life, or the person you've just met starts to dominate your life, because that shows you're valuing your idea of them (because you just met them and barely know them) over yourself. Being happy to meet people is great. Being destroyed if they don't like you, not so much.

@isosoriharrison9556 Ай бұрын

@@andrewvanhoff yeah, that’s why I just enrolled in a dance school, I’m actually learning how to do dance so I can apply to a lot of social situations. It also makes me more attractive and more interesting, also found it easier to talk to women because now I can actually talk to them about Dance and show them some dance moves. Which I have been doing and it’s been good, I’ve also focused on doing a pickle ball league because I like the sport. I want to spend my time practicing and doing a lot more stuff with it. I’m also doing rock climbing. So I’m spending time by myself and I feel like at some point it’s gonna help me develop a sense of who I am as a person. I also got into a confrontation with someone that was eagerly getting to know because I was no longer putting up with their bullshit anymore. it definitely shows because I have more respect for myself now because I figured out what it was that I needed to do. There’s also a girl I like and I’m not super eager on making her the center of attention but am giving her attention when it’s necessary. This is somebody I met Dance School unexpectedly and honestly, they are probably somebody that’s gonna have an influence on me just because of how deeply kind there.

@RockingRebelYell 2 ай бұрын

CPTSD has ruined my life I hate it so fucking much I ruin relationships I genuinely want and attract more pain more pain more pain more pain if I choose to open up. I'm so fucking sick of hearing self-love self-love self-love. I'm trying to be there authentically but its hard for me to do that.

@JnielMedia 2 ай бұрын

Hi Andrew! I love what you're doing and new subscriber here! By the way, I help content creators to increase their online presence through video editing and enhancing their post and reels for better engagement and audience retention, which is why I'm tuning into your vlog and learning a lot. Just sending this message because I love your work!

@javireyes7333 2 ай бұрын

True travelling alone is a great experience

@JeremyBrubacher 2 ай бұрын

I needed this video.

@dominiquelafleur7420 2 ай бұрын

Had me at 0:12! I’m shoooooook cuz it was my reality 🥺🥺! Wake up call people

@Partoftheratpack 2 ай бұрын

Trust me . Nobody truly gives a f about anyone else. Once you understand that …,

@esoteric.serenity 2 ай бұрын

You tell the truth

@Nesta13194 2 ай бұрын

This vides is so on point. Thank you so much.

@ruyko6300 2 ай бұрын

Nice Video again, keep going :) liked the camera perspective way more

@sith3ch4935 2 ай бұрын

I'm still in a depressive situation 😢

@claracruz9066 2 ай бұрын

So true. That happens to me.

@planningpersonlaidbackdeep1273 Ай бұрын

I have autism and I am gay in a town thats 100% red. I hope to live myself someday but know it is not safe right now.

@dorisw2507 2 ай бұрын

well said man

@taylorbee4010 2 ай бұрын

If you accept yourself how do you grow? Because if you think nothing is wrong why do anything about it?

@ariannasuen4061 2 ай бұрын

accepting yourself means saying “yes this is wrong with me. Now what can I do to make this better without sacrificing myself?” instead of saying “I’ll be complicit with my self destructive habits”