The art of saying goodbye: Isabel Stenzel Byrnes at TEDxStanford

Isabel Stenzel Byrnes is a bereavement social worker at Sutter Care at Home and Mission Hospice, and holds master of social work and master of public health degrees. She has lived with cystic fibrosis for 42 years and received a double-lung transplant 10 years ago at Stanford Hospital. She describes her illness journey as an invitation for opportunities to serve as an international patient advocate and to lecture on topics such as living well with illness, end-of-life issues and organ donation. Together with her twin sister, Anabel, she published the memoir The Power of Two, which inspired the creation of a documentary film of the same title. For fun, she plays the bagpipes to celebrate her lung donor.
In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

[@lacosa4597]

I lost my Mother 5 months ago to cancer, and each day is such a struggle... If you're reading this and you've lost someone you love, I am so very sorry. God bless.

[@sixfigure7372]

Josh Adams I love you and you are not alone

[@shanenelson3863]

Sorry for your lost.

[@cynthiamcwhorter6721]

I lost my father last Nov 4th 2018 it's so hard to loose a parent so my heart goes out to you. I will pray for you. My faith in Jesus helps me get thru life. Now I'm caring for my mom just like I did for dad. God bless you

[@jeanaliceeyebe7082]

I lost my mom 3 months ago ago I don’t even know how I do everyday to get up and go to class

[@georginasmith441]

@@jeanaliceeyebe7082 she will be very proud of you

[@artur2133]

I lost my mother due lung cancer two days ago. She was the kindest person in my life and now all I can feel is a void in my chest. I miss her so much. I love you mom, thank you for everything.

[@Saaad2]

RIP.. May god bless her with his place in heaven and give you strength to bear this loss.

[@Gellybeanb1974]

I'm so sorry for your loss* God Bless & God be With You*

[@sqaushistarship2605]

Hope you're doing better.

[@daniellerall1874]

Isabel, if you ever read this, you should know that your soul is so incredibly beautiful and that you have touched many people deeply. Thank you for your insights on grief and sharing with the world. You have successfully turned your pain into purpose and it is my wish that all of us living with grief and pain may do the same. Thank you!

[@rosecabral]

Thank you for leaving this wisdom behind for us to find.

[@lynnemanning9553]

WOW! WOW! WOW! ISABEL 💟‼💟 SO MUCH WISDOM, SO MUCH LOVE, SO MUCH COMPASSION TO SHARE WITH OTHERS‼🤗🤗🤗 The ABSOLUTE BEST talk about grief....You have fantastically made so much out of your grief and suffering, and that will forever help others...Much Love and Joy to You 💟☯☮🕉💟

[@tag2npt]

I lost my brother 2 weeks ago. I know this painful process is just beginning. Blessings to everyone here.

[@TheAtrain76]

Everyone should watch this. And I mean EVERYONE.

[@PaigeDavis-df1hh]

Thank you. This link was sent to me by my daughter. Today we are going to say goodbye to my sister Leanne. She entered hospice 5 days ago. I am so glad I watched you before I gathered with my family. Thank You ❤️

[@xxbearzxx9916]

I just lost my father. Best Ted I've ever seen or heard. Thank you

[@chubby5188]

God bless you

[@trentf4891]

Such a wonderful way to remember her donor.

[@brycepj1]

Wow. What an incredible person.

[@ElevatingHope]

A beautiful touching way to honor Xavier and he still lives on

[@veliaguzman9911]

Lost my brother, cancer. I am still in the process of saying goodbye. Thank you for your Ted talk.

[@susgra21]

Simple title for a deep, heartfelt Talk. Perhaps most impressive is that someone with CFS can play a wind instrument at all!

[@Urania4007]

"...all of our loved ones can remain eternally present in absence, so then perhaps we don't have to say goodbye after all."

[@katehtun92]

It does take a brave person to love. Loving is hard especially when we are left behind by our loved one. After loosing my loved ones, I thought I will never love or be attached to people or pets but no, I think that would be a coward way to live. I will never be defeated. As long as I live, I will love as much as I can.

[@danielleopremcak2817]

I just lost my 5 week old son. This talk helped provide some insight into how to navigate the heartbreaking pain I’ve been living with since my baby died. Thank you.

[@ChrisJohnson-lh9qb]

Hello miss, I'm sorry about your loss, trust me I completely understand your pains, I've had a great deal of lost in the past, I'm a single Dad with a daughter, I lost my wife 5yrs ago and I don't understand it, grief hit's different and every one sees things differently, I felt devastated and I still feel the empty space in my heart, I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, it's been quite a while and I hope you doing fine ? time they say is the best healer and I now understand it, it'd be nice to have a chat with you or maybe a great conversation if you don't mind sending me your gmail address so i could reach out on you ?.

[@AshStar333]

This was powerful and made an impact. Thank you for sharing your lessons, and thank you for sharing about your friends and your dear sister.

[@johncahill6859]

So beautiful. I lost my mother 9th September 2019 and 5 months later I struggle everyday with the loss and shock. Often trying to make sense of it all. The story you have shared is what it’s all about. Thank you for this gift and you are truly an inspiration to us all. God bless

[@Prettymapleleaf]

This was so beautiful. Thank you so much. My love and soulmate died a month ago and my entire world has shattered. I’ve been finding solace in videos like this. I’m so looking forward to my time when he will come for me. For now, I will live for two.

[@keztukariri]

It truly takes the most incredible human to work at a hospice ❤❤❤

[@WJFK480]

I lost my niece to CF in 1997. Now her mother, my sister is with her in Heaven, she just passed away unexpectedly in February. I miss them both and I will always be there for her living daughter. Such a beautiful tribute to the lung donor and I am so happy that Isabel is doing well.

[@keztukariri]

Rest in peace Annabel ❤ you are incredible Isabel, what a beautiful, strong lady you are!!!! I truly hope you are still going strong ❤❤❤

[@pattystober8054]

You are amazing Isabel. I have been a severe asthmatic all of my life and feel so fortunate that I am able to catch my breath due to new biological drugs that are available. I am so sorry that you lost your twin. My journey over the last 60 years has been challenging but I'm still here. And the bagpipes... well they just make me cry. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

[@Gungacrik]

I am so sorry for your losses. But I am so glad I volunteered to collect donations for CF over the years. I think you are wonderful. xo

[@ramkhadka1110]

Isabel, if you ever get time to read my comment, please know that you have deeply impacted many people and that your spirit is so lovely. I appreciate you sharing your knowledge of sadness with the world. All of us who are dealing with sadness and agony may accomplish what we have done and effectively convert our suffering into something positive.

[@MisooSooup]

She passed away recently ❤ rip 🪦 🕊

[@katso6721]

Very touching, very wise. Incredible talk, incredible woman!

[@semantics85]

What an inspiring woman and presentation.

[@sarahd7745]

Chills. The fact that she played a bagpipe with CF is incredible.

[@shez1640]

I have lost my father,my sister( best friend),my 1 yr old grandson,then my beautiful 34yr old daughter & then my husband The losses just wouldnt stop,I just wish i could have said Goodbye.

[@sixfigure7372]

shez I’m so sorry for your lost I wish you don’t feel alone and we love you

[@napriaa5175]

Sending you strength love and hope somewhere out in the world

[@volkssturm9694]

God Bless you, I can only imagine how much you must have suffered. I really hope you are doing OK nowadays.

[@user-kr7rv9we1y]

How she is saying is almost like a poem♡

[@nicholasdmello3400]

The melody is so haunting

[@followurheart1]

Soo beautifully shared. Thanku for ur truth and strength !! , life is bizarre to me, so many questions especially after the death of someone i know. I wish u many blessings. Thanku for this😘🙏🏽💫

[@gleasonjim01]

What a beautiful way to memorize your sister, Ana, and let her life have continued meaning as she (and you) have done for so many years together, spreading the world of organ donaiton and transplant meaning in life. Thanks you, Isa!

[@ignatiusjacob5491]

Thank u Isobel for a heart touching talk . It made me tearful listening to your story and the loss of your beloved twin sister, May God bless her as well as Xaviers souls..I am going through a grief journey due to the loss my soulmate Maria with Pancreatic cancer. .Pleased to see how well you are using your loss with so much positive efforts. Your bagpipe play was truly amazing. May God be with you in all your journey. Let us do our best for others Those we love don't go away they walk beside us unseen unheard but always near still loved and still missed and very dear. They may have gone away from our sights but not from our hearts

[@bettysman]

Well done Isabel! So much wisdom from your suffering and life experience. I am on palliative care after living longer than any of my doctor’s other patients with the same condition. Isn’t all these extra grace-filled years a wonderful gift? I, like you, want to give back. I love the bagpipes! It’s so meaningful that you used your lungs to play that memorial “Amazing Grace.” BTW, have you read Stephen Jenkinson’s, “Die Wise?” He agrees with you concerning the great importance of embracing our mortality. I think you’d like it. You continue some of your sister’s person - so, she lives through you. Take care of that precious life of yours.

[@stacihensley7698]

This is awesome. I am using it to help train my hospice volunteers.

[@dondressel452]

Great for you They are one of the most wonderful people in the world It takes strength to be a hospice worker

[@ElevatingHope]

"Be the best I can be by giving and receiving love."

[@araisininthesun5958]

Please don't judge me...I am here because of a untimely divorce. I have no idea what to do with the confusion, hurt, pain, silence, hate...I keep telling myself that he is dead, no longer here, so I have to learn how to grieve properly. This is helping.

[@Prettymapleleaf]

Grief is grief. Loss is loss. You aren’t alone. You are loved.

[@MLaak86]

Lost my father two days ago, I’m still thinking about how to say goodbye

[@km1dash6]

My condolences. I lost a loved one recently. It's terrible. Faith helps (I'm a Buddhist, but my family is Jewish), friends help, family helps, but it's a loss, and a part of life is living with grief.

[@napriaa5175]

Sending you love and strength somewhere in the world 🤍

[@jovialdreams]

Thanks for sharing with the world!

[@bicyclesports]

Excellent message ! A form of grieving combines many things from writing to “crafting”. I love making little scrolls & giving them away. I would love to read the poem by Carelle . . . Apple pie into dill pickles. Got it !

[@sshh778]

I feel Deeply touched. Thanks my dear.

[@louisefuller7044]

Thank you Isabel xxxxx you have a beautiful soul.

[@anna-marghiebert409]

Very moving...thank you....I must learn to let go!

[@fml5910]

Thank you for sharing your story Isabel.

[@firemetal89]

Thank you so much for sharing your precious stories with us.

[@mjtc866]

Thank you for your gift of honest words

[@YeHeyEyJey]

This feels. Beautiful.

[@odessamarbley5703]

love that presentation by Gail. She is the best.

[@kachunscreativejournal2882]

She is such a beautiful person! Thank you Isabel! :)

[@ChristyRobertsCreatingChange]

Thank you Isabel, you do yourself and your sister proud.

[@jessicad4186]

What a fantastic, inspirational piece of emotional knowledge transformed into educational information. Profound!!! Xxx

[@grokker99]

Thank you

[@hollymills9814]

Thank you! Beautiful

[@balinsky214]

thank you Isabel

[@brittanym958]

Thank you so much for this

[@krissylove9646]

Definitely great words

[@dynalynn8336]

May God Bless you, thank you for this❤

[@dondressel452]

It sounds like your life has been a struggle I’m sorry because your so young I have my own struggles myself having cancer But I’ve live for almost 65 years Remember God only knows when it’s our time I to have lost many loves in my life to Life is a lesson for each and everyone of us My thoughts and prayers are with you God Bless For everyone suffering a loss in this world I would suggest watching Dr Mary Neals video on her NDE It gave me comfort and I think it will give you comfort

[@glynnyschiavoni8896]

That was truly beautiful and so touching. Thank you for blessing me in this way today. Glynny from upstate NY

[@jfunk6932]

Absolutely beautiful!

[@Sanrio328]

I lost my mother from cancer. This talk gave me comfort.

[@shellyv2634]

Just lost my brother yesterday it’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt and just trying to figure out how I’m supposed to move forward like this. I’m sad I’m angry I’m confused I love you David

[@bayoubabe6698]

That was absolutely beautiful ♥️🙏♥️

[@kaylamerlock1586]

I'm also a twin that lost her sister I feel your pain but its almost been 18 Years now and I'm still not done grieving. It hurts so so much like a part of you is missing and you can't get it back.

[@MuseSunday]

Good bye mom. I’ll find you again next life ❤️

[@qeytmyok2473]

I too lost my mom suddenly last year😭😭. I would tease her saying that a will find a new mum for my next birth but now i think i do want her in my next birth😢

[@PersephoneG205]

Beautiful story 💞💞(hugs)

[@stevenh83]

I recently Lost MY mothers best friend and our second Mother just this last Weekend Suddenly due to an infection that shut her lungs and kidneys. I appreciate This Talk because grieving is not easy. I remember being in . Her room saying good bye I froze in my emotions.

[@CrossStrain]

Thank you..

[@jc0730]

Stunning!

[@cathybilodeau5759]

thank you - God Bless

[@jeanaliceeyebe7082]

I lost my mom 3 months ago and I wasn’t there for her I did say goodbye I didn’t saw her a last time I feel so guilty I miss her everyday

[@mstracymiles]

I'm sorry. I think it's helpful to write her a letter and tell her you're sorry. Then move forward being there for others. Everyone seems to feel some guilt after a loss. I know I do.

[@BudiGouw]

Much love

[@2013LPN]

Very deep.

[@Juan43908]

Beautiful

[@keztukariri]

RIP Xavier ❤

[@m_christine1070]

I lost the love of my life. I have so much regret. I don't know how to live without him. It was a conflicted relationship. I could have been so much kinder. He had addiction issues. It doesn't give anyone an excuse for withholding compassion. How did I ever believe that it did?

[@JoseHernandez-oz5qe]

Beautiful ❤

[@Monterey1966]

very beautiful.....

[@nebbyking7187]

How do we find your bereavement writing group?

[@megbyrne2499]

PERHAPS THE BEST VIDEO IN TRYING TO GRASP HOW IMPORTANT THINKING ABOUT DEATH, YOUR OWN, THAT OF A LOVED ONE, IS AN ESSENTIAL WAY OF CREATING A WORK OF PRAYER, A WORK OF ART, A WORK OF BEAUTY. FUNERAL HOMES HAVE UNFORTUNATELY DEPERSONALIZED WAYS OF TRULY DEALING WITH AND PERSONALLY HONORING A LOVED ONE WHO HAS DIED. START PLANNING PLEASE!

[@lakawjuan7413]

💚

[@melfulmer1557]

My wife passed away 2 months ago of encephalitis no one knows how she got it

[@marianarodriguez-gn5kh]

My ex boyfriend got ran over by a drunk driver .. died of traumatic brain injury 🥺🥺 it is very difficult because it opened up many things from the past and the pain reminds me of how much I cared about him 😭

[@melfulmer1557]

We will never know how u feel

[@avispoon3232]

Elmo songs

[@pascalkwast7978]

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[@pascalkwast7978]

The second-hand meteorology temporarily start because vegetarian usually develop athwart a devilish pisces. fantastic, actually temper

[@sapirn2122]

Thank you

[@Juan43908]

Beautiful