The Be Safe Gang - Saturday Night Live

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SEASON 28: j.mp/15JkEF0
Police officers give dangerous advice. Aired 10/12/02
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[@craftsandstuff3349]

This is like something Michael Scott would put together.

[@tonibauer2405]

It really is. With Dwight assisting.

[@sarahsfancy]

"You just got genital diabetes. You don't know me!" Literally dying.

[@YourMommah_69]

"Literally dying"?

[@sarahsfancy]

... with laughter. :)

[@Metalheadyup]

Well, rest in peace then

[@sarahsfancy]

Thank you, I will! :D

[@ManjitKumar-uy2rq]

😆😆👍

[@freshsourmilk]

You don't have a pen... grab one from the assailant :DDD I died.

[@scipioafricanus5871]

You probably shouldn't have taken their advice...

[@therobust]

When everything else fails, use your cell phone 😂

[@jonathananaya]

At least someone laughed. None of this shit is funny man. Damn.

[@lopiklop]

@@scipioafricanus5871 I mean, it technically would work

[@lopiklop]

@@jonathananaya Fred Armisen's part genuinely made me laugh, the girls didn't quite get it

[@adrock4737]

This reminds me of the D.A.R.E. programs we sat through in the '90's. We learned that PCP is called "Angel Dust" on "the streets." But mostly we were just happy to have a break from our regular classes.

[@meowwaffles6040]

That's because it is called angel dust, the point of the video is that it's all ridiculously false and unhelpful information

[@nikolaimestserjakov2502]

aaah, PCP and Angel Dust, the good ol' "Trading Places"

[@shittysoulsplayer5038]

They told us weed was chemically addictive lmao

[@phoebehoward6502]

Omg I did DARE in 2012

[@loganhislop5485]

I did D.A.R.E in 2020- Yes, it is in fact still around and failing at its job.

[@bruno3]

I always do that thing with the pen when someone's about to shoot me. It's kept me out of trouble over the years. Nice to see SNL helping the community.

[@quokka_11]

ikr? Me too. I thought everybody did. Why else would purple always be using the saying "Hey, don't Bic my trigger? "

[@swtpeteswtpete1515]

"Two fingers! Here. Two fingers ..can blind your assailant" [uses fingers to block view, not gouge eyeballs] lol. "If you do. Not. Have a pen, borrow the assailant's." Gold.

[@nyxshadowhawk]

"STREET SMARTS!"

[@BladeCity69]

YOU KNOW THE STORY

[@AlphabetLoreP975]

Lol! Nice one! Gotta love Mulaney, and it works on multiple levels since he used to write for SNL.

[@IlaughedIcried]

With Officer JJ Bittenbauer!

[@whisper-fk3sf]

"That's why the Indians deserved it " weirdest intros from SNL

[@qtsnail8598]

Pretty sure they were in a history class

[@lukenel29]

@@qtsnail8598 still bad.

[@angelface101ful]

@Law Dorherty it’s just a joke

[@hodgepodge5901]

That was the funniest part of the sketch

[@MaeMaeTube]

I was dying laughing. Worst class lmao

[@catlover-fp5ig]

SMG's advice is scarily similar to what I learnt at Girl's only Catholic School.

[@matttracy1115]

Learned*

[@LizardoiL]

@@matttracy1115 You never heard learnt before?

[@jakepullman4914]

@@matttracy1115 It wasn't a very good school.

[@felixthehuman]

@@jakepullman4914 @matt tracy all you guys had to do was search for it, it would be right there "chiefly British past tense and past participle of learn." How hard is that?

[@internettoughguy]

Carry a pen everywhere you go?

[@j.b.n.1492]

Amy knows her lines. She is the chosen one from the last ten years of SNL.

[@davidsinnott1894]

More likely she came up with the sketch. Plus a lot of things change on the night. But she is usually pretty good at being subtle when checking the cue cards.

[@1manorgy]

Bill Hader is best girl FIGHT ME

[@Sans-ds6sd]

100 th like

[@genghiscan2918]

@@davidsinnott1894 I think this is a Fred sketch, he performed this bit in his standup act before 2002

[@camila-qe6yv]

Mr. Armisen is a genius.

[@maciek19882]

Arisen looks so Tom Hanks here

[@mattg7251]

To be honest, the cellphone technique worked for me once while on a video conference at the train station. Overheard a loud guy high on something announce that he wanted to knock out someone. I was trying to listen to the video call so had my head down, next thing i know theres a pair of shoes right infront of me. I look up and he is standing infront of me with blood coming down his forehead and a smirk on his face. I pointed to the phone and started speaking although i was on mute, guy just walked away 😄

[@Darrylizer1]

7 out of 4 teenagers contract genital diabetes by their early 20s.

[@SamuelMouly]

"I SAID GIMME YOUR MONEY" *i'm on a phone call* "oh sorry"

[@swissidol8403]

Parnell's judging face from across the room is great

[@Anfubvinch]

'And that, is why the indians deserved it.' hahahaha The writers on this show have got balls of steel !

[@TRschwarzesonne]

I started to laugh just after that :)

[@LiamPorterFilms]

...it’s a pretty safe joke to make

[@daveman5860]

Yeah they were making fun of s*** teachers, spewing out their own opinion of History.

[@Medina-bk2fo]

or ova of steel - yes, a very daring joke, well worth the dark humor moment - if you're offended, you're unclear as to whom is being insulted, people!

[@NateChillinShow]

1. If you are ever held at gunpoint, simply fart and wave it towards the assailant. This will offend the attacker and he/she will leave you alone. 2. If you are ever held at banana point, simply eat the banana without removing it from the attackers' hand, thereby, rendering the offender defenseless. 3. If you are ever hit on by Sarah Michelle Gellar, walk away, it's a trap...but still ask for her number just in case it's not because like, you never know, she might be on the rebound or something. Yeah...you don't know.

[@luthermorrisjr1657]

I actually thought that this would be serious 😅

[@JimBalter]

This is the best KZbin comment I've read all year.

[@jamesatherton1995]

You should write for SNL

[@wiictvchannel1112]

In reality, if you're getting raped, shit or piss yourself so the rapist won't want to rape you.

[@farfetchdthegamer3810]

No, if you are held at banana point, you first force your assailant to drop the banana, then eat the banana.

[@lokeanderberg3836]

The pen trick is pretty genius, if you ask me.

[@charmer399]

... yeah,then you wake up in the afterlife... LoL 😆😂🤣

[@Medina-bk2fo]

sure, just tell the assailant you'll tell his mom if he doesn't stay still, for you to do it

[@shreyasherkhaneyt]

The Be Safe Gang walked so Scared Straight could run

[@W4rfire]

Now that was what my mom was always trying to tell me with "dont join a gang son, its not worth it" - suddenly I understand

[@JohnEusebioToronto]

Sarah Michelle Gellar asking me to role-play has been one of my fantasies since I was 9 years old. This skit made me very happy.

[@jessifer23f]

"Do you want to touch my breast?" Fuck yeah Buffy!

[@Aquarius216]

Did she say genital diabetes?! Lmao 😆

[@TheTurkaderr]

Ok the irony of Amy pointing to Chris Kataan after mentioning the monkey vitamins is not lost on me. Chris Kataan played Mr Peepers the monkey in the show for years. Such a funny role! How he ate those apples every time without biting his own hands off is a mystery!

[@jsoc99]

Do not wear a condom! LOLL

[@NaeemAmin]

And if you do...just make a hole in it.

[@Gurbamusic]

I can't believe this was almost 20 years ago

[@allelsefailed83]

I learned so much from this - I have been so ignorant up to now!

[@big15johnson]

Has to be one of the best openings to a skit I have heard! Hilarious!

[@VoidSurfer9]

"Who would do that?" Kattan looks like he would do that.

[@vortexpilot5096]

Fred Armison is underrated. He doesn't make the top 30 all-time on SNL cast lists, but always gives 100% and switches personalities for every skit. His genius lights up Portlandia, too.

[@rosequartz4102]

Ohhhh Portlandia! I love that show. The feminist bookstore reminds me of the ones my friends and I went to in high school instead of tea bagging and getting chrotchalism.

[@danamardell1209]

He isn't underrated everyone Literally loves him and he went on to have a successful show after he left so.....

[@joedempsey9554]

you are right Fred is he greatest, I love all the people on snl

[@TheTomtah]

Wow these are some great tips.

[@NotSoKevin1]

"boom genital diabetes" i was dead after that one.

[@peterl.104]

I didn’t realize the disease was so fatal. I’m sorry.

[@Matthew-du1ef]

I tried this I died

[@werdna1969]

I saw “self defense pens” for sale, I wondered what they do. Now I know!

[@preglover456]

the pen thing was done when fred armisen did this bit on conan when he was still on nbc

[@ryanfootage4847]

Is one of the kids a young Jimmy fallon

[@amazing_bastard]

yep

[@simmiedavissimmiesings8185]

@@amazing_bastard i thought so!

[@stevenmccart2894]

I can honestly say no one in all the endless parties and shows Ive been to, has asked me to hold a wet sponge in my but for them.

[@roguesheep3083]

I’d do almost anything to be one of the cool people, too

[@anna-xt1wg]

You lucked out man

[@creepdouce4905]

i feel like there was always a teacher in school like these cops.

[@gbrox17]

I was in 10th grade when this aired. My friend and I re-enacted this skit on Monday. Good times.

[@midorimorgan9245]

Crotchalism! 🤣

[@JoshuaWillis89]

This is about the level of competency I’ve come to expect from law enforcement.

[@daelen.cclark]

This needs more likes.

[@chrisbutz2069]

That overbite he has shows perfect self-defense against aggression at any time in any situation.

[@bindair_dundat]

Isn't that the "mi scusi" guy from Eurotrip? :D

[@maihansen368]

+Bindair Dundat He's a regular on snl but yeah

[@joshbautista6892]

Poke a hole in the condom to let the bacteria breath- had me in tears

[@anthonyriche552]

That had me rollin too, lol

[@lucyrattner1228]

this is how jj bittenbinder came up with street smarts

[@Scooter_Alice]

That intro was unexpectedly edgy and I'm here for it

[@davispo7550]

Minneapolis police department, you say? Thought they were much, much more aggressive than that

[@ridikipicklepeckinpuff583]

YAAY first time I ever saw Fred Armisen he was doing a very similar skit and it was hysterical

[@ultimatedriversofmachinery]

“I hope you get mugged today my friend😂😂

[@videogamermusic31]

i feel safer already

[@soundpilatesandyoga8531]

❤❤❤This has all my fav people ❤❤❤❤❤ I remember watching this when it originally aired and am now just rewatching for the first time (thank God for youtube bc I lost my VHS recording of it). I really didn't appreciate this particular sketch enough back then. I also think we are seeing early inspo for Armesins Portlandia.

[@ar-zi3xf]

im going to show my kids this video to teach them self defense

[@wildfire260]

Can confirm, all of these techniques work 100%

[@kalma104]

This shit is 8years ago n am still loving it.. 2021

[@07929858]

I’ve used that phone distraction technique several times and it always works

[@drbryant23]

BOOM!!! You just got genital diabetes! You don't KNOW me!

[@pennydesouza]

good sketch amy is v talented

[@Zephyrdia]

Nice try.

[@eurekasquared9853]

Worst safety class ever. 😂

[@RK-ep8qy]

I learnt so much!

[@zkhn21]

Old is gold!

[@roguesheep3083]

Can’t wait to exchange knowing nods with all the other people keeping their arms constantly moving.

[@emu314159]

The physical defense part reminds me of the DUST guy's disarming people who helpfully walk all the way over to arm's length and stand there until he takes the gun, after moving it in a different direction like he's parrying.

[@da_pikmin_coder8367]

Boomers: "Teachers these days are so biased!" Teachers in the 70s: 0:00

[@dbadagna]

SNL should add the names of the performers in this sketch to the video description above.

[@TammyBundleballs]

Omg that first line. I shocked laughed 😅

[@CommandanteRamon]

A real great sketch, but no one beats "MC Safety and the Caution Crew": "Obeying safety rules is acceptable fun!!" :-D

[@Jasmine-lj8qw]

😂😂 the way they tag each other in tho

[@nanditapastariya9136]

Seth Myers looks hot here

[@i.e.presents638]

Nandita Pastariya He looks 12

[@avabipes5741]

Can't tell if Minneapolis police aged like milk or fine wine

[@rayddddray1872]

The pen 😂

[@schallrd1]

At least they tried to help the kids.

[@jakekain9866]

the self defence guy was the best xD xD xD .' and then she´s on her way' xD

[@natewap308]

I really hope kids r paying attention! Cuz that info is solid gold. & as true today as it was back then. 😂

[@learoman111]

OMG that's jimmy fallon !!!

[@millhousemillard2140]

He has Steven segalls akito skills 🤣🤣🤣

[@nedjimb0]

This was inspired by Fred Armisen's pre SNL stand-up set. He did it on Conan back in 2000. Glad he had the opportunity to turn it into a full sketch on SNL.

[@josephfrancis4932]

Man the crowd was weak back then, Fred is killing it let alone the other two

[@aprildaniel8157]

IT WAS THE TWO FINGERS FOR ME... LOLOLOL

[@aestheticasmr9685]

_“you gotta throw him off his rhythm.”_

[@dneli1100]

This one is my favorite snl I’ve seen thus far.. n I seen a lot

[@SuperRabbitPrincess]

This is actually funny lol.

[@mrmatthewbarker8504]

That's too funny 😂

[@Kostadin_Arolski]

Protect yourself! Buy armor from Grelka!

[@geovanicrispim4537]

I didn't know Fred was so long ago on SNL. Holy shit.

[@bOObies2]

Right! Same with Jimmy. I saw Chris Kattan so I know this is from way back but why are those two there?

[@geovanicrispim4537]

@@bOObies2 It's insane, but I remember when that horrible Taxi came out, he was already leaving SNL. Horrible but I like, gives me a nostalgic feeling.

[@genghiscan2918]

I think this was Fred's first sketch on the show

[@rockybangalore3830]

Now it all makes sense.

[@russthicc]

I have a strong feeling John Mulaney wrote this. LMFAO.

[@geegeezlouis86]

This aired about 6 years before he was hired.

[@jimigrill]

Toe blasting lmfao

[@davidthe16th90]

We watched u guys take showers during gym class 😂

[@TheMofobuss]

"NICE TRY!"

[@michaeld8225]

So creative. Very funny

[@backyardtiger7544]

Lol Jimmy Fallon is like wtf

[@black76561]

Nice to see SMG post Buffy 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@badburrito-ti5wr]

The "be safe gang" are currently top presidential advisors.

[@Steve27775]

Buffy nailed it.

[@gabbymcguigan5737]

I thought 'hot shot' was Aaron Samuels from mean girls 😂

[@Mariam-lj8fz]

Very important lessons to learn from here. Lucky classroom.

[@dilibau]

“Monkey vitamins” Geeeezuz 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@rango_1013]

Self defence against fruit was way funnier.

[@happybirthday146]

The Monty Python sketch?

[@rioryrior2217]

tea bagging 😁

[@littbitterst2328]

I'm from Minneapolis LMFAO SOOOO ABSOLUTELY LEGIT ....as to this police force acts

[@ansem11]

"T-bagging is just boofing with extra steps"