The Buddha and His Family

We'll take a look at some of the stories around the Buddha's family, his wife and child, and whether they may have been constructed out of whole cloth. Then we'll turn to look at the tension between family and practice in the early tradition and today.
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Sutta mentioned:
The Noble Search (MN 26): suttacentral.net/mn26/en/bodhi
Other links:
Matthew Gindin, “Did the Buddha Really Have a Wife and Son?” tricycle.org/trikedaily/buddh...
discourse.suttacentral.net/t/...
discourse.suttacentral.net/t/...
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[@adamnixon2886]

This part of the story always bothered me. I had a rough childhood, I was neglected and abandon. I eventually ran away on my 12 birthday (march 30 1997 Easter), I stayed on the streets, ate whatever I could (often the leftovers of strangers), did yardwork for money, and developed a drinking problem. I spent a long time on the streets, and in shelters in the Seattle area. So when I got older and found this story as I experimented with Buddhism and meditation, this part of the story bothered me. Glad I found this video because now I have more to think about regarding this. Thank you

[@DougsDharma]

You're very welcome Adam. Much compassion to you, that's a powerful story. 🙏

[@adamnixon2886]

@@DougsDharma Thank you, very much🙏 I have a question if you get this. When I got older I got into therapy, and was taught to meditate. My ailments were situational, and not because of a chemical imbalance. My feelings were painful, but reasonable. So medication wouldn't have helped, but actually hurt. I used to meditate daily, usually for between 15 minutes to a half hour. I used to get so much positive benefits, and I've fallen out of my practice. My question is.. Do you have any advice for how a person could get back into a meditation practice. Thanks again 🙏

[@DougsDharma]

@@adamnixon2886 I think it helps to find a local group to practice with. If you can't find one, see this earlier video of mine. (COVID makes things more difficult but it will pass): kzbin.info/www/bejne/Y6OofImBqLtln7c

[@kevint2878]

I really like the way you describe possibilities for integration of spiritual and family life. I didn't have children, so it never was a matter of having to rear and provide for a family. But I always did support myself and held that as something I should do. By living quite modestly, and making certain choices, I was able to retire with a pension, not to a beach as you mentioned, but to a greater focus on meditation and spiritual practice. Richard Rohr is a Franciscan priest who talks about the first half and second half of life which makes sense to me. I feel like, during the years I was working, I was making a type of contribution to the common good, but now, it is a different type of contribution. There is much more balance now. Of course, some people become renunciates at an early age. But for many of us, the process is slow and planned out. Thank you for all of your teachings.

[@DougsDharma]

You're very welcome Kevin, it sounds like you're living a balanced life which is great! Happy to lend a hand.

[@SusmitaBarua_mita]

Buddha's teaching to Rahula is well known MN61 and MN 62. His wife Yashodhara was born same day as siddhartha and mentioned in early texts including Therigatha

[@DougsDharma]

Thanks for your reply Susmita. Yes, the Buddha's teachings to Rahula are famous. But Rahula is never mentioned as the Buddha's son in those teachings. I don't think Yasodharā appears in the Therigatha (if you have a citation let me know), although she does appear in the Therīpadāna, which I believe is considered a late canonical text, that is more legendary and after the Buddha's lifetime. As I say in the video, I wouldn't make too much of this but it is interesting. 🙂

[@coralturner6377]

Thank you. Have a great 2019

[@DougsDharma]

Thanks to you as well for watching Coral! Have a happy new year. 🎉

[@Oktaviii]

Thank you for your excellent video. I’m just starting to learn about Buddhism and particularly secular branch of it. At this point at least I see Buddha as an ordinary person before he left home. I think it’s actually something about him that attracted me to his teaching. I like that he wasn’t perfect and had done some things that are irresponsible such as leaving his family or being wealthy and unaware about misfortune of other people. It makes him more human in my eyes, more relatable. Also the fact that Buddha had a family and lived ordinary life at some point makes him more credible when he teaches how monastic lifestyle is a wiser way of living. He experienced both thus he can comment on both. If he never had a wife or have never fallen in love it would be hard for others to listen to him because they could disregard him as simply a person with no experience and thus say that he doesn’t know what he is talking about. The fact that Buddha had it all and left it all behind to pursue monastic lifestyle brings a lot of meaning to his teaching and gives me hope that one day I might do the same thing. I actually was thinking joining some Buddhist community later in life. If you know about anyone who has done it please make a video on it. I’m really wondering about how people set it up later in life and how they are able to support themselves after leaving ordinary lifestyle. I also really enjoy videos about Buddha’s life. Thank you so much for doing it. Happy New Year!

[@DougsDharma]

Happy new year to you as well Neill. Thanks for your comments on this video, I don't personally know anyone who has joined a Buddhist community later on in life though I have heard anecdotally that some people do join monastic orders that way. I'm not sure how prevalent that is in the west though, since there are so few Buddhist monastic orders here. It's something to keep an eye out for, and perhaps opportunities will grow in the future.

[@Oktaviii]

Doug's Secular Dharma thank you for your response. I understand that modern western society and ancient Indian society are different and it might be much harder to accomplish something like that in modern days. I saw a few documentaries and ted talks about western men and women joining monastic orders later in life, usually they had to move outside of the US for that. I’ll keep an eye on it, I’m not in a rush right now. I just think it is an interesting topic to discuss especially from a secular point of view.

[@DougsDharma]

Indeed it is interesting! We'll see where it all leads. 🙂

[@templepanchgavya]

Thank you for sharing this. Nekhamma or renunciation is one of the perfections. One has to give up family life eventually in some life but I believe many high stages can be achieved by being a householder too. Buddha had to find the path out of suffering for his own self and all of us so we are grateful to him for giving up his family. Some legends say he did discuss with his wife too and she let him go. Having a child was her support along with the other members of the family. She couldn't see him so vexed. I believe this is sign of true love to not hold someone back for yourself.

[@DougsDharma]

Indeed Desi there are many ways to look at it. One thing is for sure, we are indebted to all for Gotama’s decision to spend his life teaching.

[@noeljohn4731]

Happy new year and nice video 💗

[@DougsDharma]

Thanks Noel John, happy new year to you as well! 🎉

[@AnupamBhogal]

Happy New Year :)

[@DougsDharma]

Happy new year to you as well Kim Jong Fun! 🎉

[@misamisa2677]

Netflix Buddha wonderful movie it makes it easy to understanding of his message he never says he is a religion he said people could follow to live his way meaning to live the moment no money no competition just be share all help be good very enlightening i was shocked that he thought how i think unknowingly

[@DougsDharma]

Interesting thanks Misa!

[@praveenkumarhomyohall]

Thanks for tell about Gautam Buddha's family 👨👩👦

[@DougsDharma]

You're very welcome praveenkumar!

[@CharlespaulDowell]

Very sad to think the Buddha would walk out on his only child and wife it's a very selfish thing to do I'd rather think of the Buddha as never having a wife and child and just concentrate on his wonderful teachings.

[@DougsDharma]

Sure, though do remember that he wasn't the Buddha when he left home. He was an ordinary person, confused and searching.

[@CharlespaulDowell]

@@DougsDharma yes I know he wasn't the Buddha yet, but that still doesn't excuse what he did. The whole thing of a parent walking out on their child is very disturbing to me I come from a very broken home with a very abusive father so this whole thing about a Buddha walking out on his child and his wife is very very upsetting to me that's why I like to look at his teachings of when he did become Buddha. And not look at his previous life when he was just a regular man. Before he started teaching the world a new way of understanding the mind and how to become more mindful. I thank you very much for getting back to me and letting me know how you feel about my comment. I do enjoy many of your videos. They' are very enlightening, and they have help me find my way. On my spiritual Buddhist path. Sorry for my poor spelling and my poor grammar I'm very dyslexic because of a left-sided brain injury, I probably received from my fathers very harsh punishment when I was a small kid.

[@ok-jungjang7042]

Charlespaul Dowell Hey, I’m sorry to hear about what you have gone through but proud of how you have overcome the challenges. If it helps you, when Prince Siddartha left the family it wasn’t like he hated them and abused them. It was more like a father leaving for war to protect the family out of love and great sacrifice. In the same way he left his wife and child to fight against the suffering of the world and in hopes of freeing them from dukka too, which in the end he did :)

[@PavaniGanga]

"How you gonna keep ‘em down on the farm after they’ve seen New York?" Not New York, but greater Magadha, some 300 miles away, where the shramana movement was in full swing. Siddhartha Gautama was likely born to spiritual sensitivity as some people are-having it as their natural vocation, often from childhood, to be seized by the perennial questions. He’d encountered at least one wandering ascetic who impressed him. Destiny called. And at least, he’d produced a son, which (grrrr!!!) fulfills a major obligation of Vedic Dharma. His wife might have been heartbroken and forced into lifelong celibacy. On the other hand, she was left in a state of honor and auspiciousness, in the care of his wealthy family, who now had a male heir to console them. And lest we forget, Siddhartha himself had fared pretty well, despite the loss of his biological mother. So maybe he felt his son would be okay with just one natural parent. Would I myself condone such behavior in America today? Hell no! But that was then; that was over there; and you can’t argue with results like Tathagata.

[@DougsDharma]

Yes it's a bit of a conundrum. Thanks PavaniGanga.

[@abrlim5597]

Hi Doug, do you know where the story of the future Buddha going forth on the day of his son's birth comes from if not in Nikaya? Thanks

[@DougsDharma]

I talk a bit about the future Buddha in this video: kzbin.info/www/bejne/bnSzXoaZhKh7gJI , but not sure where that story comes from.

[@abrlim5597]

@@DougsDharma Sorry, I don't mean the future Buddha. I mean the Bodhisatva Gotama, the Buddha-to-be.

[@arelymacias5355]

interesting video

[@DougsDharma]

🙏😊

[@Thissapunyo]

I think this is also a symptom of the transformation of buddhism into a national religion, he became a prince and a prince would have to produce an heir to fulfill his duty, as you say this would also make him a virile authority figure and more acceptable to a nominal congregation.

[@DougsDharma]

Yes that definitely could have played a role. Still, on balance I tend to suppose the story is probably accurate. Thanks John.

[@Thissapunyo]

Thanks Doug, I am sure that the story of going forth is accurate but felt that his family and royalty were embellishments, is there not historical evidence that he lived in a republic?

[@DougsDharma]

Yes the general belief is that he lived in a vaguely republican or oligarchic society rather than (e.g.) a kingship. But the evidence from the suttas is that his family was wealthy and he grew up in that wealth. So while his father was almost certainly not a "king", he was probably a wealthy and powerful landowner or the like.

[@Thissapunyo]

I think that's my understanding as well, the Buddha's education and the fact that he had time for reflection suggests an elevated social position although exaggerated later as he became more of a saintly figure.

[@saradamin6749]

There is mentioning in the sutta that the powerful king Pasenadi of Kosala refered to Buddha as khattiya, so he is from the noble family. However there's some suggestion that his Sakya Homeland didn't influenced much by Brahmanism and had no idea of case system heavily. Kapilavastu seems to be prosperous and wealthy at that time so, since it's on the trade part but again it was not the powerful one and likely was a protectorate of Kosala. So this seems to be that Siddhartha was a son of a country ruler so-called "raja" and he got well educated but not a prince of a big powerful State as some tend to think.

[@petagonkyi]

By the same logic, you do condemn the soldiers who went to war during WW1 and 2 leaving behind wife and children? We do not condemn them but admire and praise them.

[@DougsDharma]

Interesting comparison Peta, thanks. Of course in those cases many were conscripted or felt they were defending their families from attack.

[@marshalldrummond5487]

My observation in the “Theravada world” the idea of a bifurcated life (one part for family and children then later robing up and becoming a monastic). The Abbot at the temple I frequent spent many years as a medical doctor with wife and three children. Now many years later he is a senior monk and his wife is a nun. Not that uncommon.

[@DougsDharma]

Interesting, thanks!

[@randygoff2563]

Jataka Tales. Siddhartha Met Yashodhara at the time of the previous Buddha. A flower for the Buddha she gave him for a promise and a pact: they would live as man and wife in every lifetime together. Whoever got enlightened first would come back for the other.

[@DougsDharma]

Thanks for that Randy.

[@randygoff2563]

It seems thats why she was not demolished by the event but waited hungrily for his return. When he did, she emulated him Assiduously and instantly gave her son to the path. These do not sound like the actions of a woman scorned or one who held a grudge. And she shaved her head and followed after him with the others. She very quickly reaches an astounding level of realization. There is a Sutra wherein the Buddha asks her to exhibit her understanding and she performs miracles. It’s one of the grandest downplayed secrets among the male Sangha.

[@DougsDharma]

Those are nice stories Randy. My only concern is that later sutras and the Jātaka tales generally stem from an era after the Buddha's passing, at times composed as after-the-fact justifications for things that happened during his lifetime or the lifetimes of his companions. That is, they aren't really historical. In this case indeed they might have been composed by those who wanted to paint Yasodarā and her story in a better light than might have been historically warranted. That said, if you find these stories inspirational that's great. I have another video on women in Buddhism that gets into some of the problems of male domination in the early sangha: kzbin.info/www/bejne/bmeXnKZ6hL-qjs0

[@uliuli8997]

Walking away from your wife...and child... on it's face value is puzzling to me. But...Life is how it is. Plus times were certainly different...and quite possibly not everything is as seems. Just because you say it...doesn't mean it's 100% true.

[@DougsDharma]

Right Uli, there are a lot of questions we may have about this whole topic.

[@inetivable8188]

buddha was a God he could balance marriage and spiritual life with ease .... he was born enlightened ... he wanted people to become enlightened too ... when he spoke his words would hit peoples head make them think , and guide them , Humans cannot balance both they lack ... buddha had wifes and children ... Only he could do it others couldn't .. humans cannot find balance of both its difficult ... hence the male centric world realized this Gift which only buddha had others cannot .... buddhas wifes were his companions his soulmates ... its impossible he could ever leave them home .... this story is manufactured by men to work for men .... because where men lack Gods dont ...

[@lawrencedill7239]

Do the Theravada Buddhists believe that Buddha had a wife and son? It is my understanding that nothing was written about the wife and son of Buddha until over 800 years after the life of Buddha in the Nidanakatha.

[@DougsDharma]

I'm not sure about the Vinaya, but yes I'm not sure there is anything explicitly mentioned in the suttas about the Buddha's wife and son. Rāhula is understood to be his son and plays a significant role in the suttas, but their relationship is again to my knowledge never clearly stated. But the idea that the Buddha had a wife and son is accepted universally in Buddhist traditions including the Theravāda.

[@michaelvieregge2257]

Change this channel to Doug's Dogma , YA HERD I SED

[@DougsDharma]

😄

[@rajratnkhillare2026]

🙏Plzz Read Book Buddha and his Dhamma by biddhisatv DR. AMBEDKAR 🙏🙏

[@DougsDharma]

Yes, I've done a video on it already: kzbin.info/www/bejne/p52rkKSfmqiaeaM

[@888slowspeed]

Why must religionss always be so messy???

[@DougsDharma]

It's part of human nature to be messy.

[@toohdvaetihom7088]

Scholars should stop doubting about every event in buddhist history. Historical accuracy is not relevant to Buddha's teachings.