The Bullet Express Full Infomercial

[@KevboKev]

What happened to "good" "quality" infomercials like these to help with my insomnia. Only thing around is the damned Shark vacuum.

[@JessycaLunawoona]

Ikr? I miss these...

[@thehoosierfortheuk4838]

+Wolf With “Bad” Attitude you mean Extenze with Lawrence and Kim chambers?

[@havenofearmfishere]

Kevbo Kev a

[@c.w.r.794]

Why is every commercial nowadays for life insurance or mesothelioma?

[@c.w.r.794]

Wolf With Attitude Mesothelioma...

[@Mngalahad]

I like how they invited everyone else just to show them how much better they are than the rest of their family.

[@plushbatfan]

Mngalahad Do you like Sesame Street characters like Snuffy?

[@Mngalahad]

Dream Big Productions is that the elephant like character whose parents get a divorce? If so, i like him. Hes really cute.

[@plushbatfan]

Mngalahad Yes the Aloysius Snuffleupagus.

[@GigawingsVideo]

Implying it never happened irl. Just wait until Thanksgiving dinner.

[@HeyMyLifeIsLibby]

Mngalahad they have a pessimistic aunt, an impatient granny and friends who are either airheads or gluttons. It’s not hard for them to do. 😂😂😂

[@DizzyedUpGirl]

Granny is sick of their shit. This is not the first time she's been disappointed in this family.

[@DizzyedUpGirl]

Aunt Martha too. She's like, "this family will be the death of me". Her and granny didn't speak for 4 years, their mutual disgust for this family is what brought them back together.

[@leelalo6625]

She is done with these new aged contraptions.

[@cindytaylor4262]

@@leelalo6625 grandma is hangry!

[@ang8158]

😂🤣😂🤣🤣😂🤣I nearly fell outta my chair!! We must have the same kinda Gma's lol

[@robertp181]

😂😂😂

[@lebronthegoat3670]

Imagine going to a nice family dinner and then experiencing a full fledged infomercial from the host

[@blackkatt9017]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@missbleach8767]

🐐

[@mr.mcnerdo]

I feel like I would be that kind of a host. “Howdy guys! Ready for a horrible time with me nonstop talking?”

[@brianc4632]

Sounds like an MLM pitch.

[@bart234465]

Yeah Mary Kay

[@daisydaze2886]

Poor Ralph McFatass these people invite him with the promise of food just to make fun of him for being a fatty the whole time

[@DinoSarma]

Yeah but Hazel is down for the fatty loving. If you've seen the Bullet Express one, it hints at it.

[@heinandwilson]

hahhahahah

[@Rigbone64]

You hate to see it

[@justinm.1]

Dino Sarma You mean Magic Bullet? 😜

[@UnderAGlassMetropolis]

He's grotesque.

[@xdamatox62]

Wife called her husband fat...woman made fun of her aunt cause she can't cook as fast as the damn machine and mick makes fun of "granny's false teeth" these guys are like an a real family....this damn thing must work!

[@linkfan160]

"A little bit of cream cheese" *Puts in four bricks*

[@daniellueke4717]

a LiTtLe BiT oF cReAm ChEeSe

[@UseTheScience]

@@lookcatchu two

[@Sweetumskitty1789]

MODERATION QUEEN tWO SHOts of VODkA!

[@marig16]

@@UseTheScience So glad someone commented this!!!! "Two shots....."

[@SENPAI.Popaii]

😂😂🤣

[@Rawk4Life]

"How about a 15 second nachos supreme to hold you over?" It took him 26 seconds. LIAR!

[@AshliDawn14]

Rawk4Life I love these infomercials but that's exactly what I think every time he says it takes so many seconds. it ways takes longer lol.

[@DeathnoteBB]

Lol this aired back before people would know unless they timed it with a watch

[@Sweetumskitty1789]

DeathnoteBB So counting wasn't a thing in 2000ish?

[@johnnyhotcakes5217]

He did the same thing with the magic bullet, it just takes 1 2 3 seconds and its done, he pressed it down 3x and held it for a few seconds each time lol

[@karenlizhenriquez231]

More like 30

[@JCWiley2300]

That turkey meatloaf is an abomination

[@newper]

Cooked to a beautiful pale gray.

[@tavern2468]

Finally someone says it

[@debgib007]

It looked horrible.

[@tavern2468]

@@debgib007 it looked like a puréed human with blood sauce. GIMME GIMME!

[@RootTheLucario]

maybe it might go good with some human organs

[@Mngalahad]

12:58 thanks for letting me know this was a paid advertisement for the bullet express. I almost thought it was the recording of a real family.

[@CupcakeFairy777]

Mngalahad 😂😂😂😂

[@GigawingsVideo]

If they want to make it more real they need to add a black sheep in the family acting like an asshole and creepy uncle speaking in innuendos.

[@TheGtracer1994]

I mean, the Magic Bullet was filmed the day after Mick and Mimi's massive orgy

[@OikPoinFive]

GigawingsVideo like Berman from part 1 ?

[@heinandwilson]

hahahahahh

[@darkprose]

"Look, can you see that? Are you watching? I want you to notice something. Are you ready? Look at that. Did you see it? Did you look? Look at this. Did you miss it? Watch it again. Can you see that? No, not that, the other thing. Just watch this, guys. Oh, you missed it. Just kidding. Have a look at this. And while you're doing that, I want you to notice something...." I don't want this guy to die, I just want him to suffer.

[@Pyliah]

That literally had me in tears laughing so hard.

[@Snow_Seven]

LOL

[@TeaganD]

I like how in the beginning the two kids come in, and then 2 seconds later, they're completely gone.

[@jeaninepanzone3899]

Teaze there gonna eat with the family after nick and Mimi finish,

[@Razzy1312]

They're in the living room playing video games.

[@jeffreybetancourt86]

They drowned in the pool in the back yard

[@ElizabethzW.]

Jeffrey Betancourt why? 😂😂

[@rogercurtis9876]

Teagan gone forever ....

[@EjPwned]

My childhood 😭😭😭😭 Who else remembers watching this when you woke up early on Saturday mornings???

[@richf5256]

Yup I remember

[@snausages43]

I always watched these in the middle of the night.

[@onedirectionforever1044]

Remember those watching in late night till midnight.

[@onedirectionforever1044]

What a nostalgia.

[@Captain_Wet_Beard]

My sister just sent me this and the magic bullet one for birthday nostalgia

[@georgewang2947]

Using plain pureed tomato as your pizza "sauce"? Potato au gratin without making a roux? And no one is adding any salt whatsoever. More like flavorless express.

[@posysdogovych2065]

Making pizza dough in 35 seconds? Fuck that. You need 5 minutes just for the yeast to dissolve and around an hour for the dough to rise.

[@ashleybelaire1882]

George Wang I make potatoes au gratin without making a roux all the time... always have

[@ashleybelaire1882]

But I get what you're saying... it definitely is b.s

[@techykun]

There's a better way to speed up the yeast dissolving by putting it in the oven by low temperature for under 5 minutes. Any chef genius would know that.

[@katiebayliss9887]

George Wang I'm taking you to Flavortown.

[@joshduncan3693]

Mick: "Have you ever tasted meatloaf as good as that?" Martha: (takes a microscopic bite and barely chews it) "I don't believe it. This is fantastic!"

[@charchar234cj]

Josh Duncan ha! Can we also talk about the "low LOW price of just SIX payments of 19.99!" *whispers* plus shipping and handling

[@Nocturne22]

Aunt Martha's so fucking shady, I love it.

[@venushayes3930]

Josh Duncan Right, lol

[@gabby8485]

Josh Duncan omg I was thinking the same thing

[@candice5186]

That meatloaf recipe was terrible

[@Olole]

I wonder what they talk about at the the dinner table when it's not about the bullet express

[@thetruth9746]

Olole sex

[@knocknockify]

Probably about which ones will be swapping rooms tonight

[@shelletemisfit]

Whispering about Micks cheese addiction behind his back

[@BoHista23]

Why they talk about Martha's new Sham Wow of course!

[@jaredbarton6161]

The original Magic Bullet, of course.

[@wyssmaster]

The shot of him frantically spinning the pizza to catch the avalanche of cheese is topped only by the shot that immediately follows it of the pepperoni shooting out like it's trying to save itself from this mess

[@taarang]

Oh your comment is priceless! I just cracked my ribs laughing

[@jd0879]

I noticed that too haha that pizza was looking like a mess and then the next shot it was all organized

[@paulportell3748]

Thank God for sites like KZbin, so we can roast the corniest infomercials of all time.

[@Stopitstoptalking]

Aunt Martha fell in a deep depression after hearing the comment "Even you can't make it that fast Martha" but who knew Martha was a meatloaf expert? Rip aunt Martha

[@gazzalenbrick6381]

Lol

[@joycollins3718]

Lol

[@tasertag7513]

Lol

[@onedirectionforever1044]

Lol

[@gabrielgomez2483]

Lol

[@TeaganD]

"This is not a food processor.Now lets make a turkey meatloaf." *puts on the Food Processor attachment*

[@Rawk4Life]

It's a "meal mixer attachment" lol.

[@covertyankee]

And all those attachments along with the base only take up the space of a two slice toaster!

[@LaurenEveCreates]

And tomorrow we'll make turkey sloppy joes! - Adam Sandler

[@SENPAI.Popaii]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@darrenclements]

You've never seen meatloaf done like this before ... no mick love, that I haven't - looks like grey sludge :)

[@anthonyburkett518]

Ralph shouts: "LET'S GET TO THE FOOD!!!" as he has a whole platter of nachos and cheese. 2:29

[@UBvtuber]

Bruh just stole the entire thing for himself.

[@icecranberry2148]

That's supposed to be the joke.

[@mitcheljoseph]

These comments are making me cry loool

[@coltino99]

What a pig eh????

[@missbleach8767]

@@icecranberry2148 🧊

[@philipdiaz3010]

"Watch this, now watch, now look, are you watching. Watch this. Watch."

[@missbleach8767]

😵‍💫

[@charchar234cj]

Will somebody give aunt Martha the award for outstanding supporting actress already

[@KadeSutherland]

charchar234cj they should

[@candice5186]

Word lol

[@tonyjurkas2791]

Poor Granny is getting snubbed.

[@SaintBrokenDay316]

Her first lines are exactly what i picture an older lady saying about some new fangled invention

[@missbleach8767]

🐻

[@gregallsmagic]

I don’t know what it is, but I love watching infomercials. No matter how bad the product or acting is, something about infomercials are nostalgic.

[@edgarrazo9681]

9:33 "So, Martha, how much time would it take you to make a cheesecake like this from scratch?" "To make cheesecake I need my big stand mixer." "That... That wasn't the question, Martha."

[@mattng2761]

She said at least 20 minutes for her to make cheesecake from scratch

[@CShannon1991]

@@mattng2761I think I rather occupy my 20 minute time of making cheesecake because I find it quite relaxing with baking.

[@TwistyMcFisty]

I'm impressed they made a salad that was able to unmix itself.

[@arlenekitty1]

And they had a cheese cake that had more batter in it that what they poured into the cheesecake pan, as well as a pie with small ovals in the covering pie crust on top lol

[@aleksandrrozentsvit8390]

Same with apple pie. I was screaming on the screen to tell them mix the apples with the sugar & spices

[@heyyyyitsLisa10]

And did they pre-core the apples?

[@misterroboto1]

Holy crap! This looks more like an "adult swim" type parody than an actual informercial lol.

[@Rayman2457]

Vincent Laflamme Like a Cinco commercial?

[@MomoKunDaYo]

Lmao these were the best to watch high with your friends

[@nicoleackerman205]

I remember I watched this at my grandmas house because she did not have cable and this was the only thing on. 😂😂

[@moxxy8626]

Too many cooks

[@darrenclements]

Jeez Rick :)

[@JorgeRodriguez-bp7by]

They're all ganging up on Martha 😂😂

[@Mngalahad]

Jorge Rodriguez ... haha marta, can you make nachos like this?... haha this is so fast, unlike marta's food processor... so marta, your husband is still dead, right?...

[@ronniefranklin2586]

Mngalahad holy shit. XD

[@siddharthchoudhary4278]

Kinky

[@Bowiebonolennon1982]

I’m surprised no one called Martha an “ignorant slut”...

[@alwaysshit]

you gotta love the mountain of nachos, pepperoni sliding off the pizza, calling the onions the perfect consistency and then slicing it more, putting milk and onions together, how they filmed the ketchup shot twice, the spam looking meatloaf, incorrect timing, how the zucchini isn't shredded despite not flipping the plate, the seemingly endless attachments considering they never clean them, how she shoved sugar straight onto the pie, the weird uneven crimps with literal dentures, martha taking the tiniest bite, berries teleporting onto the cheesecake, and no juicer i love infomercials

[@missbleach8767]

🍳

[@juju755-b7s]

@@missbleach8767💵

[@xysarenottheprize]

And the salad magically unmixing itself. 😂

[@saulthechicanootaku]

Spoilers, they actually used a fork to crimp the pie. I know that as they left the fork by the pie

[@Passionate_Aria]

Poetry lol

[@wesva2778]

"The last time many of these people were seen alive. Rumor has it they all went to a dinner party but nobody ever saw any of them leave. Neighbors say that at night, loud noises such as explosions, electricity humming and what they are convinced are muffled human screams. are heard. Occasionally bright lights emanate from the basement windows while simultaneously causing rolling blackouts in the area."

[@safinmurshed1460]

nothing is seasoned at all like the pizza sauce is quite literally tomato juice

[@eugie73]

Granny: “it's a pain in the..." Mick: “Aaas I was saying..."

[@caseyj5637]

So cringey lmao

[@rogercurtis9876]

Lol freaking granny

[@eisleenakamasu5234]

Get recked granny

[@Imadeyoumad288]

What part?

[@OikPoinFive]

Colon Music

[@frankenoise]

1:41 Pepperoni just flying everywhere 😄

[@ritamariealan93]

They cut that shot IMMEDIATELY 😭😭

[@taarang]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@FCT8306onTwoWheels]

they cut to the amazed guests that be like wow

[@DizzyedUpGirl]

Yes! Just flying willy nilly!

[@ladycplum]

Sheesh Mick, would you like some chips with your cheese?

[@harryforster602]

“A liiiiiitle bit of cream cheese” Adds a mountain of cream cheese

[@skeNGk]

Keto af

[@mikedupont3585]

And two shots of vodka.

[@missbleach8767]

@@skeNGk 🐱

[@fastflash6775]

I dare you to take a shot everytime they say "A little bit"

[@Razzy1312]

You'll only end up drinking a little bit.

[@jaredbarton6161]

Fast Flash Alcohol poisoning is no joke, my dude.

[@lindseyemra9195]

That's been know to kill people!!!

[@ChocoQueen24]

Or take a drink every time Mick says "Are you watching? Did you see that? Take a look at that? etc."

[@missbleach8767]

@@ordinarychef 🧑‍🍳

[@MrHarshz]

Love how everything they need appears magically beside the bullet express , all prepped up and good to shove inside the bullet express .

[@muhammadlee8628]

Aunt Martha stays being judgmental from a distance

[@stacymiller5311]

That "meatloaf" was SO liquified. lol

[@mochs62512]

And Martha took the smallest bite possible

[@cathyedwards2844]

McNugget pink meat.

[@rdu239]

more like meat pudding

[@leelalo6625]

It was like Mimi tried to cook for the first time with easy bake oven skills.

[@dandeleon2764]

You know the second everyone looked away, Martha trashed that piece of loaf in the garbage

[@brickinthewal3398]

Ralph look so sad when they told him they were done they crushed that man's spirit.

[@GiantPetRat]

Okay so I legit just watched all 20 minutes of this the whole way through, because this shit is MAGICAL. My face. It hurts.

[@vickig7027]

Araxie Rose me too. especially scrolling through the comments while it plays... pure gold

[@ryangreen4305]

I came here for the Bullet Express. I stayed for the comment section.

[@TheKillmaster442]

Question: "How long would it take to make a cheesecake?" Answer: "I use a big stan mixer" That was not the question Madame

[@TeaganD]

omg

[@vickig7027]

simon b have some compassion! It's Martha for God's sake... she hasn't been the same since Donny got back from the war

[@mitcheljoseph]

LOL. I laughed out loud.

[@brettnorris3140]

HAHA LOL

[@alice-nw1xq]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@user-zu7mm8ni8x]

These people are more rude than peppermint patty at charlie browns thanksgiving lunch

[@ElizabethzW.]

Michael Jackson 😂😂

[@ericasawyer8985]

Perfect comment!!😆😆😆😆😆

[@MrDeSouza91]

You sir, have just won this comment section!! 😂😂😂

[@depressedglub32]

Used to love watching these when I was sick or when I couldn't sleep when I was younger. Brings back alot of memories.

[@mlggrape9153]

OMG the pepperoni looks like it's 5 years old

[@missbleach8767]

🍇

[@Bloombaby99]

I can imagine the swinger parties Mick and Mimi host. Everybody is skeptical to go because they're afraid those two will want to sell them something.

[@GlitchManOmega]

"I'm not interested in anything you're selling!"

[@Slavic-King1917]

"No thanks Mick, im just here for the shots and ass!"

[@alexlea896]

Martha actually did an alright job with the shitty script

[@StripyTigers]

I love how he shook the salt and pepper into the meatloaf but they’re both grinders...

[@joehagg2429]

LOL good eye

[@kaylabrownell1268]

Oh my God they are LMAO!!!

[@HeyMyLifeIsLibby]

Granny and Auntie are moods if I’ve ever seen any.

[@torgiebride8558]

That pizza is nasty as hell. No garlic, no basil. Nothing but fake ass infomercial love! XD

[@gentlemanjester637]

What most people don't know about this commercial is that this is a real, actual family. And two weeks after this infomercial was filmed, almost all of them were found dead, all forced into a woodchipper which had the words "BULLET EXPRESS" plastered on the side with duct tape. The culprit? Ralph. Ralph had always been an insecure man, and he had many friends and therapists to help him. His family, however, were always mocking him. Always making him the butt of their jokes. His humiliation on national television was the last straw. Over the course of the two weeks following this, he murdered everybody who had taken part in this infomercial, leaving Mick for last.

[@aquatadevore9335]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Best comment EVER!

[@Angelcat710]

He also killed the children in the beginning of the commercial before murdering everybody else to cause suffering to his other family members who have wronged him in the past before they were next.

[@steveholthaus4181]

Dude that is hilarious 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@blastofo]

You should turn that into a screenplay bro.

[@myragingwhormoans]

ashamed to admit you had me in the first half

[@gingerfloofy]

I find it funny how Mick says " A LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITLE bit of.."

[@caseyj5637]

Martha always looks like she's smelling something bad lol

[@AdhamOhm]

Martha looks like she smells bad. I bet she's one of those ladies who wears a whole bottle of perfume every day, enough to give your nasal passages a chemical burn as soon as the smell hits your nostrils.

[@ericasawyer8985]

@@AdhamOhm 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I hollered!!!

[@slickl9608]

Oh Martha! Typical Martha.

[@ClandestineSnowman]

amazing how fast cooking goes when all your ingredients are measured and prepped in little bowls that you can dump together...

[@Dax0293]

8:05 Oh my God, you destroyed his spirit. He just wanted to help

[@vickig7027]

Morphic c lmao omg

[@KempuraChicken]

Morphic c You win.

[@san6886]

im snortinf

[@kbarts316]

Hello darkness my old friend 😂

[@latinolawdog5067]

"And we're gonna just pop Ralph's goodwill and enthusiasm in the bullet and 3......2.........1........"

[@jpsateriale1420]

“Just a little bit to cream cheese” SHE ADDS THE 4 BLOCS **just a splash of vodka

[@ladycplum]

That's gonna be one bland pizza without basil and oregano and all the other tasty spices

[@snausages43]

And salt

[@andrewgehl9109]

That turkey meatloaf when it came out of the food processor looked like one of my cats pate' cat foods and i bet it smells like it also

[@neophuchane1282]

If you placed all of the accessories on the table it would take up way more space than the toaster

[@jcampton1]

I can get a knife and chopping board faster than Ralph can!

[@familyguy578]

This is also my favorite infomercial of all time. I was legitimately excited whenever it started up on the TV when I was a kid. I am looking at this now because I am looking to buy one now that I am an adult and have my own money. The kid version of me would have cried if he'd known I might own one in the future. I was so mesmerized. What simpler times.

[@liquidbismuth1044]

Bruh.

[@Passionate_Aria]

lol this and “Magic Bullet” 😹

[@anti-ethniccleansing465]

@@Passionate_Aria Magic bullet infomercials were not only way better than this, the product itself was way better. I still use my magic bullet, even though I have a Vitamix and a Breville food processor! Doing small stuff in it is perfect, like grinding up herbs, for example. This Bullet Express machine looks TERRIBLE though. And they are so full of it by trying to pretend that it takes up less room than a normal food processor lmfao.

[@Mau506]

That's not a pizza, that's a mess!

[@broqui72jzbtches70]

I dont like how they made the pizza, because they shredded the tomatoes instead of mixing them with other ingredients for the marinara sauce.

[@thequadrupleagent4130]

Sounds like something Gordon Ramsay would say

[@MukuonChannel]

Oh god that "Turkey Meatloaf" looked like catfood.

[@elvinklobocista5720]

Something like that

[@G.S.Holland]

The Magic Bullet infomercial was the golden age of infomercials. I will not lie and admit that I would stop what I was doing and watch it every time it came on. It was just so wild and bizzare. Who were all these people? Why were they all under one roof? What happened the night before? Some crazed orgy of blood letting and demonic sacrifice? It had all the best characters. Vernon, who demanded that people don't be so loud. Clearly hung over. Hazel coming in at the right moment with the cig hanging out of her mouth, "Did somebody say muffins?" The whole thing is just captivating. Their sequel, the Bullet Express commercial, was up there with the best of them as well. They don't make them like that anymore.

[@jessica_1994]

took me back to my childhood when i was sick in the middle of the night LOL

[@rhiannonsapp7099]

The grandma was fucking iconic

[@avalonpotter2319]

Watched the magic bullet infomercials so often that my grandmother got me a magic bullet for Christmas as a child. 12/10 even better than they say

[@hannahc1790]

Am I the only one who just thinks "major cross contamination!" After he handles the raw turkey breast, then goes to touch everything else. And then NEVER goes to wash his hands??

[@WerewolfLord]

Carolyn Johnson Not really, but did you expect it to? It is pretty good for what it does, though.

[@TheIkaika777]

Hannah C, you do know they stop and restart filming all the time, right? You can see the perpetual edits.

[@kodakexpressmorrinsville2383]

@@TheIkaika777 i'm sure you can see mimi pouring ketchup onto the meat loaf twice..

[@isetmfriendsofire]

Haven't you ever heard of...movie magic?

[@Bloombaby99]

You don't want to know what he was handling before all that food....

[@山田さつき-j1v]

It's pretty easy to tell Mick hates his co-star, Mimi, because he always has a frown when she's in the limelight and interrupts her when he can.

[@Ser_Arthur_Dayne]

He does totally interrupt her lol, what a hater.

[@meganbrowning]

She did the same thing to him in the Magic Bullet commercial. She even took stuff straight from his hands!

[@leelalo6625]

What will bond them again? Acidic pizza?

[@supsarah13]

"I can finally slice this onion without crying" honey, we've got other things to cry about

[@adamthevirgo9297]

Let’s be honest, with all that other food there, that family ain’t touching that salad

[@Allynics]

Anyone notice when they made the salad they mixed it up, and at the end the salad was perfect again? And when did they get time to garnish the cheesecake? 😂

[@empresskrissy1527]

Plus the crust goes up the sides of the cheesecake after it's cooked. When you see Mimi forming the crust, she doesn't push it up the sides. Who makes apple pie with the skins still on the apples??

[@supanutte9357]

The new meme house characters, everyone..

[@rdu239]

Everybody has a Ralph in their social circle

[@hansmatheson5976]

The contempt in the limey's voice every time he yells "better than anything you get in a restaurant!!" is great. I don't know where these garbage people eat out at but goddamn man, that pizza was terrifyingly rough and that salad was ridiculous in size and concept.

[@Ser_Arthur_Dayne]

I know right? He's always saying "better than anything you could get in any restaurant! " and literally every single thing sucks. The pizza Was terrifying and that was one sorry ass salad .... the meatloaf looked like Armour potted meat and the nachos looked like you'd have to PAY ME to eat.

[@BurgerKingHarkinian]

@@Ser_Arthur_Dayne Well, they WERE payed to eat it. lol

[@missbleach8767]

@@BurgerKingHarkinian 🍔

[@YourMom-zn5pl]

Aunt Martha is me at ever family gathering and everyone else is all of my family constantly questioning my life

[@Mordecai154]

LOL

[@ヒラガナ-e5d]

What's that? You've looked through your local grocery store can't find pre-peeled potatoes and pre-cored apples, *or* even make cheesecakes that magically decorate themselves? Just become a person in an infomercial! After all, anything's possible when you signed your brand-new Faustian contract.

[@troywright359]

lol

[@Mickmickster]

You wanna be an infomercial host? Can you say “perfect” 200 times in 30 minutes?

[@sunshinefirecracker]

Them winning over surly Aunt Martha with that turkey meatloaf, really sold it. "This is fantastic!"

[@missbleach8767]

☀️🧨

[@AwesomeFDO789]

That lady to the smallest possible bite of that meatloaf and said it was good.

[@laurenconrad1799]

“We’ve got all these dishes ready in less than two minutes.” Now we just have to wait the hour it will take to cook everything, including oven pre-heating time and the time it takes to boil water. But hey, it’s not like you came to this dinner party already hungry. 😂

[@dr.altoclef9255]

Not counting the time it takes to core the apples or peel all the potatoes.

[@curtunderwood8039]

@@dr.altoclef9255 and roll out the pie dough and pizza dough. I dont think it come out of the bullet nicely rolled like that

[@dr.altoclef9255]

@@curtunderwood8039 Also true. I mean assuming that the pizza dough came prepackaged, you still have to prepare pie dough and cut dough strips, since those desserts come out all decorated. I mean I love a fancy decorated dessert as much as anyone but putting all the fruit in place and arranging the whole dough lattice, it kind of takes time to do right.

[@curtunderwood8039]

@@dr.altoclef9255 and the dough would need to rise for the pizza. Would you laugh at me if I told you I bought this back in the day? I haven’t used it in 10 + years but got it out to juice some apples and tomatoes this coming weekend

[@dr.altoclef9255]

@@curtunderwood8039 I mean it looks great in theory, like I hate having to juggle like five different things when cooking a big meal so if I can dump some of that on a machine that would be awesome. Like “just hold this bowl and start cramming stuff in for the salad, so I can focus on the pasta-“

[@ОлегБулкин-о5л]

This is my second Magic bullet, and I have to admit that for the price it delivers really well kzbin.infoUgkxCKuMxLnvr6fJd_M4SE-n7trcGj3zEUHq Considering that there are other products twice and even four times more expensive, I think that for one person this is just right. The only problem is that you have to make sure that your vegetables and ice are cut into small pieces because it won't chop and blend well. I made the mistake of putting whole baby carrots with a cup of mixed greens, and it wasn't pretty.. Also be careful not to overfill it, because it will overflow. As long as you follow the manufacturer's instructions for use, you should be happy with this purchase.

[@anti-ethniccleansing465]

This isn’t a magic bullet infomercial though lol. It’s a bullet express one. Very different products.

[@xxStaroftheShow]

That looks cool -- but also a mess-maker. Question, if it is just you using that machine, who is gonna be there to turn the plate consecutively so the food doesn't fall all over the floor and make a deathly mess???

[@joehagg2429]

OMG that’s all I can think about.

[@tomcat2285.]

How much weed do you think was on this set when they filmed this.

[@MrHarshz]

dunno .. but it all was crushed in 8 minutes or less

[@DizzyedUpGirl]

I can't with the pepperonis flying everywhere willy nilly.

[@SoccerPlayaa]

Hey guys! This infomercial was my favorite “show” when I was a kid. It makes me feel weirdly safe! So many memories ❤️

[@Passionate_Aria]

lol nice

[@darrenclements]

'You've never seen meatloaf done like this before'. Grey and sloppy with heapings of extra sugar. Hmm, no I don't think I have 😀

[@iGot1776Probrums]

“A little bit of cream cheese” *dumps 4 extra large packs”

[@jacobyaya4042]

granny is straight up not having any bullsh*t

[@oejsy]

she does,, not understand how pizza sauce works

[@ChristianGiaconiBonaguro]

You must be American...

[@charlie_mario6292]

Christian Giaconi-Bonaguro whyl

[@ChristianGiaconiBonaguro]

@@charlie_mario6292 us Italians crush tomatoes, we don't, "make a sauce."

[@charlie_mario6292]

Christian Giaconi-Bonaguro yeah well that’s why you guys lost WWI

[@TapionXG3]

@@charlie_mario6292 you fucking savage. Lol

[@bart234465]

This is essential viewing for all drama students.

[@serenadanssen2792]

Who gets invited to a family gathering and upon arrival immediately complains about the lack of food

[@feywerfolevado6286]

I used to watch this as a kid! Omg I loved watching this haha. When there would be nothing on the television, my brother and I would be glued to the screen for this xD

[@FJX716]

Saturdays I use to watch infomercials like this back to back just cause the food was so convincing.

[@callanightshade8079]

lol same! I do have a modern day magic bullet that I use for fresh fruit smoothies lol. Cup of milk 🥛, 6 strawberries 🍓 and 1 banana lol 🍌

[@FJX716]

@@callanightshade8079it’s literally just a blender lol

[@zeropointzer0]

The Bullet Express Massacre is an unsolved mass murder case which took place in Poopville, IL in September 1996. On September 3rd, Mick Fartson, a British immigrant with a questionable U.S. residence permit, and his wife Mimi invited a group of people for dinner at their house in 666 Lucifer Avenue. The next day, 6 people were found dead and heavily mutilated in the backyard of the house, buried under a mountain of chopped vegetables. The dead bodies were later identified as Ralph Fartson (51), an early-retired forklift driver from Poopville and Mick's cousin, his wife Debbie Fartson-Cockring (45), Mick's aunt Martha Moronbeetch (65) from Chicago and Geraldine "Granny" Nutbuster (86) who had previously escaped from St Alzheimer Retirement Home in Poopville and had no relationship to the Fartson family at all. The other two victims were part-time psychiatrist part-time porn actor Chris Cumshod (34) and his girlfriend Natasha Nippletree (28) who worked as a buttcheek model. It is unclear why Nutbuster, Cumshod and Nippletree entered the Fartson house in the first place since they had no relationship to them whatsoever, however it is suspected by the FBI that mentally disturbed Mrs Nutbuster was aimlessly roaming the neighborhood where she encountered Cumshod and Nippletree who might have tried to help her find the way home. How they ended up in the Fartson home is unknown, they might have been lured into the house by Mick with the promise of getting a "Bullet Express" for free. It is not known what happenend from 7pm on, but neighbors reported hearing muffled screams, evil laughter and the sound of electric kitchen appliances under heavy load over the course of hours in the late evening. In 2012, a video surfaced on KZbin depicting Mick and Mimi presenting the aforementioned "Bullet Express" to the later murder victims in an overexcited manner. If any drugs were involved is not known. The search for Mick and Mimi Fartson, the primary suspects in the case, remained unsuccessful at first. Four days after the incident however, the dead bodies of Mick and Mimi were found by a hiker in a nearby forest. Mimi had a ShamWow stuffed in her throat and Mick was lying on the ground with his charcoaled head stuck in a Showtime Rotisserie oven. The lack of electric outlets in the forest and the fact that Mick was additionally stabbed in the back with a Showtime Knife led the investigators to believe that it might not have been suicide. No suspects were found over the last 23 years and so the Bullet Express Massacre remains a mystery to this day.

[@somewhere367]

Gets invited over for food: great! See mic with a weird kitchen gadget: not again! Every freaking time!

[@oxitape1563]

Thank you Joel for introducing me to this masterpiece

[@missbleach8767]

@Central Intelligence Agency federal bureau of investigation

[@missbleach8767]

@Central Intelligence Agency at your service

[@Awesome4Prez]

Man, this family hate each other. The way they throw some snarky remarks is so damn good.

[@halfsourlizard9319]

Literally nobody ever has 'requested' a turkey meatloaf.

[@mattbaker7305]

For all of you wondering what happens when an actor refuses to join the SAG... These are the gigs you get.

[@Kazutoification]

4:36 Ketchup is in a zig-zag pattern, but then it's not afterwards. rip

[@thebrickboy103]

+Kazutoification Good catch

[@Kazutoification]

+thebrickboy103 I also just noticed there were two kids in the beginning. And those pepperonis on the pizza... And the cut to the meatloaf was just insane! XD

[@thebrickboy103]

Kazutoification Thanks for pointing these things out to me. I never noticed those watching the infomercials. Let me know if you find anything else

[@Kazutoification]

+thebrickboy103 Food suddenly appears and disappears. The pizza? Mimi was cutting it and then they just forget about it. The ingredients just happen to pop up! THEY'RE WIZARDS! Also, the one lady had a magazine, but then it's gone. There are grapes in the background, but then it's wine later on.

[@caseyj5637]

What's wrong with the meatloaf (besides being made from turkey)?